The Elastic Clause
by infinite vertigo
Summary: Deidara, the self proclaimed artist, has medical school chasing him. Sasori, the prodigal law student, has his grandmother on his back. And to make things worse, they're shoved into an apartment together. Oh joy. SasoDei KisaIta KakuHida PeinKonan
1. eviction: forced and voluntary

****.disclaimer : don't own.****

_**.chapter one : eviction: forced and voluntary.**_

"Fuck, un."

The swear was followed by a contemplative grunt as the blonde twenty three year old looked around the street he was currently on. People passed by and occasionally glanced at him; the blonde probably looked homeless with his ripped jeans and paint splattered white shirt. However, he had stomped out of his apartment in anger because he was soon to be homeless. His landlady, Karin, had informed him that he had missed far too many payments and he had exactly seventy two hours to find another place to crash before she kicked him out onto the streets.

Sweet girl Karin was if one had dango. But Deidara barely had any money to feed himself, much less any to buy Karin some dango.

This was the problem with being a self employed artist, Deidara decided as he ran his fingers through his bangs. The source of income was very unstable. Sometimes he hit it big and could feed himself properly for a few weeks; other times, he was running around his apartment, looking for spare change just so he could survive the night.

Deidara had two types of income: shows and sales. He sold paintings. Odd sounding, yes. Typical, very. However, his paintings were different; he used spray paints. They weren't the typical water color paintings. These were impromptu and unique; layers of colors mixed and blended at his will. People watched in awe as he made a masterpiece come alive with a few cans of spray paint and a blank canvas and they quickly sold out. However, canvases and spray paints got pretty expensive. And Deidara didn't enjoy this as much as his other type of art; it was fun, sure, but it wasn't _real_ art.

Deidara was known for his shows. These weren't magic shows or even art shows where he displayed his paintings or photographs (he took pictures as a side hobby though he was too lazy to go out and buy more film most of the time.) He exploded things. Sometimes they were a bottle with paint in it, so when it exploded, colors went flying up into the air. Other times he asked for audience participation and he blew up textbooks. But his favorite things to blow up were his own art. He would make sculptures or vases out of clay, sometimes decorate them intricately and bring them into the park and explode them. It didn't start out as a show; it was something he did for fun. However, people began to gather around and watch the young man unpack his things and toss money into the bag he arbitrarily left somewhere.

But, he had no clay left. Nor canvases, nor paints, nor film. He had a few sculptures, but that was about it. Deidara sighed and glanced at the apartment complex he had stormed out of earlier before stuffing his hands into his pockets and began walking, mixing in easily with the other Tokyo citygoers.

_Stupid rich people, un,_ Deidara grumbled as he trudged along. He was a bright student and he followed the path his deceased parents had wanted for him: he graduated high school as valedictorian, went to a good college, and got accepted into medical school. However, at the last minute, something inside him snapped. It wasn't that Deidara wanted to disrespect his parents, it was that he knew that the only thing his parents wanted for Deidara more than a good education was his happiness. And he was _not_ going to be happy if he had to cut apart dead bodies and learn about the human anatomy for four years then residency for God knows how long. Would he be able to do it? Probably; Deidara was incredibly stubborn and would succeed at anything he set his mind to. Would he enjoy it? Definitely not.

So, a week before school was to begin, Deidara withdrew his admission. He found himself a cheap apartment in Tokyo and moved in and began to paint and sculpt every day. His day was filled with art, whether it was his own or if he was going to some art galleries.

It was a pretty stupid decision. All the people that Deidara was friends with gawked at him and have severed connections with him ever since. He didn't mind; it just went to prove how good of friends they really were. It was hard now, ever since he used up most of the money he had left (he refused to touch his parent's inheritance unless it was for a life threatening situation) but what mattered was that he was happy. He was dirty, probably smelled bad, had gotten accustomed to swearing like a trucker when angry, and probably lost at least twenty pounds. But what mattered was that he was _happy._ No more holing himself up in a dorm, studying for tomorrow's organic chemistry test. No more papers on biochemistry. No more meeting with teachers to discuss his bright future. No more pressure, no more people, no more pursuing other people's dreams.

Anyway, it wasn't as if Deidara had no friends. He had met a couple of people. Once, at one of his "shows", he met Hidan and Kakuzu. Kakuzu seemed appalled at all the money Deidara was wasting until he saw how much the kid made and Hidan crowed with laughter, saying that Deidara's art was the "most badass thing he had seen in a motherfucking long time." The three hung out sometimes, usually with Pein who was yet another acquaintance.

The thing with these four was that two of them were screw ups and two of them were well established people. Hidan and Deidara both dropped out of school; Hidan came from a wealthy family so he relied on his parents and grandparents' inheritance money. So far it hadn't failed him and Deidara had a feeling Hidan would never have to work a day in his life. Deidara wasn't sure what it was that Hidan was passionate about, except his religion. Hidan was a devout Jashinist. He frequently praised Jashin and physically or verbally abused anyone who dared to voice a separate opinion. Part of his religion included a lot of blood sacrificing, but after the three walked in on Hidan almost cutting his arm off, they made him swear by Jashin's name to do that less. Though it was hard to tell, Hidan was a man of his word. And he kept his word; Deidara hadn't seen any sign of a cut or blood ever since that horrifying incident.

Kakuzu and Pein were both put together and well established people. Kakuzu was a banker and, as a result, was very frugal himself. He scolded the three when they went out and bought frivolous things (soda, apparently, was not a necessity). He often offered to help Deidara set up a bank account and get him a loan, but Deidara had declined kindly because he had no way of repaying the loan and if he accepted a favor from Kakuzu, he had no idea what would happen to him in the future.

Pein was, well, to be honest, Deidara wasn't quite sure. He never bothered to ask Pein, but he usually walked around in a crisp shirt and dress pants with a tie. He naturally assumed that Pein had a good job and was in a pretty powerful position, based on the conversations he heard Pein having with his Blackberry.

Despite their differences, they were still all good friends.

_Friends, un._ Deidara stopped walking and glanced at the office building he was passing and broke out into a grin as he headed in. Though he still wasn't completely sure what Pein did for a living, he did know that Pein worked there. The other three never bothered to visit him, but Deidara not only had nothing else to do but needed some help, so he figured he might as well drop by and see if Pein was in a good mood.

"Hey, un… do you know where I could find Uzumaki Pein, un?" Deidara asked as he approached the receptionist desk. She glanced up at him and he instantly didn't like the look she gave him as she ran her eyes behind her glasses over his disheveled appearance.

"Pein-sama is very busy."

"Yeah, well, tell him it's Iwa Deidara, un," he answered and glared at her, "See, if I judged a book by its cover like you did, I'd assume you're an old hag that never got laid, un."

"Why you disrespectful little—!" the receptionist looked like she wanted to throw a stapler at Deidara but luckily, Pein walked by at that precise moment. When he passed by the desk, both people stared at him. One willed for him to reprimand the blonde and exile him from the building, while the other willed for him to recognize him and invite him up.

"Hey, Deidara," Deidara grinned as he saw the receptionist deflate in her seat, "Need something?"

"Came to see if you were free," Deidara couldn't help but shoot a triumphant smirk at the woman and she huffed and looked away. "Are you, un?"

Pein glanced at his watch and nodded. "Lunch break. You want to come with me?"

Deidara grinned and ran up to his friend as he began to head out of the building, shooting one more triumphant grin over his shoulder. Pein glanced at Deidara with amusement as they pushed through the revolving doors, raising an eyebrow. Deidara had visited him at work, meaning that he was not blowing something up or making something to blow up. This was undoubtedly serious.

"Did you get kicked out of your apartment or something?"

The blonde looked at his older friend with surprise. Pein had always been a very perceptive and intelligent person, but usually there was some kind of catalyst; he didn't just come up with correct guesses out of nowhere. "Yeah, un. Three days to find a new place to crash. How'd you know?"

"You already look like a hobo," Pein answered and smiled slightly. He had met Deidara largely by chance; with an odd twist of events, he had ended up lending him and two others money at a bar when they realized they did not have enough to pay for all their drinks. Kakuzu, refusing to be indebted to a stranger, immediately demanded his phone number so they could return the money promptly. Ever since then, somehow Deidara or Hidan (or both, since they were best friends) had gotten his number and continued to call him to hang out.

Deidara was a nice change of events from his mundane job as the CEO of his company (not that the other three knew. They were too wrapped up in deciding when to go drinking next to bother to find out what he did). All day he was bothered by morons trying to impress him, other companies trying to merge, and paperwork all day. He never thought he would associate himself with someone like Deidara, who dropped out of medical school before it even began, or Hidan, who cursed every other word.

"What brings you to my workplace?" Pein asked as he stopped and glanced up, motioning for Deidara to follow him as he pulled open the door to Starbucks. Instantly, Deidara was enveloped with the mouth watering smells of baked pastries and coffee; he loved Starbucks, but he didn't have enough money to treat himself to a frappuccino daily. Kind of pathetic, he would think to himself as he miserably passed by, but he had to suffer before he made it big.

"Three days to find a new place to live, un," Deidara said as the long line moved forward slightly, "Didn't know what to do so I took a walk and happened to see where you work. You know anyone that wouldn't mind taking me in, un?"

Pein glanced at Deidara and smirked. "Not many of my acquaintances have the kindness in their hearts to take in a self-employed artist who dropped out of medical school before it began."

"Oi! Stop giving me crap about that, un!" Deidara replied indignantly, flushing angrily, "I'm damn proud of my decision! Can I crash at your place for a few days?"

"Sorry," Pein shook his head as he took another step forward and irritably glanced at who was taking forever ordering coffee, "Not so sure if Konan would take kindly to you. I'll be sure to tell you if anyone is willing though. What about Hidan or Kakuzu? And what do you want?"

"I think I'd rather sleep in the subway before asking either of them. Hidan would try to convert me the minute I unpacked my toothbrush and Kakuzu would charge insanely high rates, un." Deidara sighed and kept quiet for a few moments before jerking his head up in shock. "…Eh, what did you ask?"

"I asked, what do you want?"

"…You're going to treat me, un?" Deidara's blue eyes widened and he grinned. "Wait, seriously, un? You're not just being an ass and teasing me like Hidan does?"

Pein couldn't help but smile ever so slightly at his younger friend's reaction. "It's the least I can do after you get cast out of your lame apartment—"

"Hey, don't insult the apartment, un."

"—and I can't do anything to help you about it. So, what do you want?" he asked again as he pulled out his wallet and they approached the cashier. His eyes flickered up to the menu on the wall and he looked at Deidara expectantly to know what he wanted so he could order.

Deidara put his hand on the taller man's shoulder and nodded solemnly as he looked at him with a grave, serious expression. "You, my man, have become my new god."

**-X-x-X-**

Sasori was usually calm and collected. He was the model student at the School of Law at Tokyo University. However, today, he glared at anyone that dared look at him. It was rare for him to be so emotional; usually he permeated an aura of scary intelligence and a calm demeanor. He was approachable enough to talk to to ask a question, but not approachable enough to ask to hang out, go on a date, or tutor. Raised by his grandmother because his parents passed away when he was young, Sasori never bothered to get close to anyone. He did have close friends, but aside from them, very few people he could call a friend.

He was always this image of perfection. He was the straight A student that everyone wanted to be, the valedictorian that people would talk about for years to come, and the kid that got into one of the most prestigious law schools on a full ride. His work ethic was impeccable, his demeanor personable, his intelligence scary. On the outside, he seemed perfect. He never fought or talked back with teachers and he was polite to most people most of the time. However, what people didn't know was that Sasori was severely unhappy with his lifestyle. He hated studying all the time and he hated law. He hated the pressure that people put on him as well as the expectations. All he wanted to do was stay home and make puppets, his true hobby, but his studies took up so much time that he rarely had any time for himself. It pained him to return to his apartment with puppet materials strewed everywhere, yet he headed straight to the room he had set aside especially for his studies so he wouldn't get distracted.

"Oi, Akasuna! What's wrong?" a blue haired man came out of nowhere and clapped Sasori on the back. The redhead turned around and gave a half hearted nod to acknowledge Kisame's presence then returned to a stony silence. Kisame chuckled. Most people would proceed to running away after experiencing Sasori's glare, but Kisame knew better. The redhead was at least a head shorter and wouldn't dare pick a fight against him. His strength laid in his intelligence, but around Kisame, brute force always won.

"Got assigned a crap load of reading for tomorrow," Sasori grumbled, "No time to sleep, eat, or breathe. I hate my grandmother. She even assigned me extra work."

"You know, if you sent her a happy birthday card every couple of years, maybe she'd be nicer."

"I hate the old hag."

Kisame laughed again. "What do you say to a night out at the bar with the guys? Now don't pull that 'I have to go home and do homework' because everyone on campus, even non-law students, know that you never read the book."

Sasori's brown eyes flickered up momentarily at his friend. He and Kisame had been friends ever since they met at Tokyo University as undergraduates. Kisame had arrived on a full scholarship for swimming and studied marine biology. However, pretty soon he realized marine biology wasn't the thing for them considering he hated the sciences, and so he switched over to business and was currently studying for his MBA. Kisame had always proved to be an extremely loyal friend and good defense against bullies who took him as a quiet, short nerd. When Kisame appeared, the bullies would always learn their lesson.

"…What time?" Sasori sighed, knowing full well Kisame wouldn't leave him alone unless he agreed. Besides, he supposed he owed it to his friends to grace them with his presence. Itachi, who was also studying for his MBA, probably didn't mind not seeing him. However, Konan was always that fussy type of person, who constantly felt the need to protect him and pinch his cheeks. Speaking of Konan, she had mentioned she had a new boyfriend, but he never bothered to ask…

"Seven. Meet you at the Akatsuki," Kisame looked absolutely joyous at the fact that he had gotten Sasori to agree instantly. "I have to go; I'm meeting with Itachi; we have a partner project and I think it's safe to say that he's going to do most of the work and I need to help at least a little…"

"I guess you'll be snoring away and just ask Itachi to put your name on top of the project."

"Smart man you are, Sasori!" Kisame clapped him on the back again, causing the redhead to stumble forward slightly from the force. "I'll see you around, all right?"

Sasori gave a nod of acknowledgement as Kisame walked off toward the library and continued to stalk through the quad, starting to feel the weight of his backpack and textbooks become heavier with each passing step. He noticed several people pause from their activities and he ignored the stares. Yes, he was short. Yes, he had vibrant red hair. _Yes,_ he looked like that and wasn't dating anyone. He wished he could turn around and flip them all off and tell them to get off his back, but that wouldn't be in character. And the girls would probably flip out because Akasuna Sasori actually talked to them. And he couldn't make them happy; that would be bad for him.

The cold October wind blew as Sasori made his way down the stairs to the subway after leaving the campus. Some people lived on campus, but most opted not to, since undergraduates were everywhere. It was like high school; the graduate students (seniors) absolutely loathed the undergraduates (freshmen). And Sasori, who had a natural tendency to dislike everyone, loathed the undergraduates even more. With the money he had saved up, whether it was from his previous jobs or prize money for those random competitions he found himself winning, he had found himself an apartment about a fifteen minute subway ride away from campus. His grandmother also wired some money into his bank account every month from the inheritance his parents had left him. She, apparently, didn't trust him with bestowing all the money upon him at once.

He pushed his way past the crowd of people through the ticket booth and mindlessly navigated his way through the subway. Something good was happening, he decided, when he stepped onto the platform and the subway instantly arrived. As he walked in, he leaned against a pole and took out his phone to entertain himself. He was surrounded by so many people that he felt as if he was suffocating; Sasori never liked people very much.

Luckily, it was only fifteen minutes. Sasori all but patiently pushed his way through the mob of people and walked quickly back into the fresh air. Though cold, at least he felt like he could breathe. Feeling better already, he headed towards his apartment building, which was located extremely close to the subway. He pulled out a card and slid it through the machine, sliding his way in before the door even fully opened. As he trudged through the hallways, up the elevator, then more hallways to his room, he fumbled about in his pocket for his key, his already very short patience dwindling away. Finally he found his key and shoved it into the lock and shoved his door open angrily. "Oi. Zetsu."

His roommate rolled over and onto the floor, cursing as Sasori heard a loud thud. "**Shit!** What do you want, Sasori?" the pale boy with green hair sat up and looked curiously at Sasori. Most people were freaked out by Zetsu's appearance; besides the green hair and sickly white skin, he also wore yellow contacts and half of him was black from, Sasori guessed, tattoos. Zetsu never told him but Sasori assumed he had some kind of a multipersonality disorder; there could be no other reason for the sudden and frequent changes in his personality. He also seemed to be conscious of this other personality, as he would talk to himself sometimes. Most people avoided Zetsu. But Sasori never judged a book by its cover, and he was thankful he didn't. Zetsu had become one of his closest friends, being serious and easygoing.

"The Akatsuki tonight at seven to catch up," Sasori said as he carefully set his textbooks down on his coffee table and leaned his backpack against the couch. He frowned as he noticed one of the pencils in the pencil holder was put in tip up and fixed it immediately, also organizing some of the papers. Zetsu watched this with amusement. Both had unspoken serious problems. He had multipersonality disorder, and Sasori had obsessive compulsive disorder. The man organized anything he could; it was a wonder he didn't gel his hair down every morning and left it looking like he rolled out of bed.

"And you agreed?" Zetsu asked as he crawled back onto the other couch and picked up the textbook he had been using as a pillow, "That's unusual. Hey, can we stop by the nursery on the way there? I need to buy some seeds. **You know you're a botanist when you realize you're broke from buying soil and seeds. College sucks ass."**

Sasori smirked at his friend's complaining and threw himself onto the couch, crossing his leg so his ankle rested on his knee and folded his hands behind his head. "Oh yeah," Zetsu's voice interrupted him, "I'm moving out."

"Hm?" Sasori lazily moved his head to look at Zetsu. "Any particular reason?"

Zetsu pushed himself up and shook his head. "You know how far this place is from the science buildings? A dorm opened up there and since I was first on the waitlist they gave it to me. **Finally.** No offense or anything, of course, but it's cheaper and closer."

Sasori shrugged as Zetsu hopped off the couch and headed into his bedroom to collect his stuff; apparently he had forgotten until he had told Sasori. "No worries. Nice rooming with you."

"You too, Sasori. We'll keep in touch, right?"

Sasori chuckled dryly. "Of course, unless you find yourself surrounded by a mob of new friends."

Zetsu poked his head out of his room and grinned. "Right, I'll be immensely popular. Hey, I'll be closer to Kisame and Itachi, right? That should be fun. **I hate people.**" Sounds were heard as Zetsu pulled his clothes off his hangers roughly and threw them carelessly into the suitcase on his bed and a duffel bag. Sasori got off the couch and walked over, leaning against the doorframe, watching as Zetsu's very few belongings were all quickly stored away.

"When're you leaving?"

"Uh… tomorrow morning," Zetsu answered and picked up a dirty sock and raised an eyebrow, holding it towards Sasori. The redhead blinked and shook his head and Zetsu shrugged, throwing it into his suitcase. "You can never underestimate the use of a sock these days. **With that atrocious smell, I could probably knock a rich guy out and steal some of his money.**"

Sasori smirked and glanced up at the time. "Should we get going soon? It's four; no matter how much I dread going, I don't want to keep them waiting. And we both know you spend forever looking at seeds."

Zetsu paused from his packing and straightened up and laughed. "Hey, you don't understand just how important seeds are. And are you ever going to sort out some of your weird habits? **Like your obsession with neatness and time?"**

"Only if you make your other personality go away."

"**Like we've never heard that one before.**"

**-X-x-X-**

Meanwhile, Sasori had no idea that Kisame and Itachi were planning to destroy his life.

Zetsu had told those two first about his moving out since the three dined together that day, after Konan mentioned she promised to meet her history professor for some extra help. Kisame and Itachi blinked and looked at each other after Zetsu's announcement and smirked in unison. All five of them were close, and as a result, cared for each other, though they would never show it. And Kisame and Itachi were dead convinced that Sasori needed some friends other than them.

"Did you distribute the flyers?" Itachi asked as Kisame entered the dorm they shared, looking up from his laptop. After the library, Itachi had dropped a stack of bright orange flyers into Kisame's arms and returned to his dorm. Kisame, being loyal to Itachi, immediately went out and distributed them on every pole and windshield he could see and get close to without being run over.

Kisame nodded and collapsed onto his bed, stretching. "Hey, what time is it? Sasori's going to absolutely murder us if we're late. You know how punctual that kid is." The swimmer rolled over and grabbed his alarm clock, squinting at it. "Oh, it's only four. How's the project progressing?"

"Swimmingly."

"…Is that supposed to be funny? Because, you know, I swim and all…"

"Yes, Kisame. That was intended to be a joke."

"Oh. Well, I really couldn't tell," Kisame admitted and grinned when Itachi glanced up at him. Ever since high school they had been the best of friends and they could read each other perfectly. A more impressive feat to be accomplished by Kisame, considering Itachi had one facial expression. They spent a lot of time together, yet they could be independent. When Itachi would have to leave to go research something, Kisame wouldn't tag along. He wasn't some lost puppy that followed Itachi around everywhere and he certainly wasn't dependent on the Uchiha. A little crush. That's it.

As Kisame snuck another glance he rolled over and buried his face in his pillow to hide the tiny blush arising. He hadn't meant to, but sometime he had developed the tiniest of attractions towards his best friend. The impassiveness but undying loyalty and the rare smiles; all of that and more never failed to make Kisame smile. It was unlike Itachi to get into a conflict with others, but he sometimes would, usually if the other party had wronged Kisame in some way.

"Kisame."

"Hm?" the blue haired man snapped out of his daydreaming and rolled over so he could breathe and talk to his friend. He blinked when he realized Itachi had closed his laptop and stored it away neatly, now sitting on his bed and looking at Kisame with the utmost concentration. Immediately, he felt his heart begin to race. "…You're scaring me, man."

"Do you think Sasori is lonely?"

"…Heh?" Kisame sat up and rested his elbows on his knees so he was slouched over, a very opposite image of the Uchiha who sat up with his back perfectly straight. "Sasori? I don't think he particularly enjoys the companies of others to begin with. It was pretty hard to get him to talk to me without feeling like he was going to sue me. The kid is going to become a lawyer, after all."

Itachi shook his head. "He only associates with us, Zetsu, and Konan. I believe he is insecure about his social abilities, thus inhibiting his potential to meet people."

Kisame raised an eyebrow as he reached into the slightly open drawer and took out a piece of gum. He took out a piece and offered it to Itachi and popped it into his mouth when the raven haired man declined politely. "So," he said as he began chewing, "What do you suggest?"

"The roommate that we find for him must be the complete opposite of him. He will have to be extremely social, loud, reckless, and not a perfectionist. That is the only way Sasori will be able to break out of his shell."

Kisame laughed as Itachi blinked before smirking, realizing that Kisame saw through him. "You know, normally I'd ask why you were being so considerate. But you just want to take advantage of this opportunity and make his life a living hell, don't you?"

"I would never." The smirk gave it all away. Itachi reached over his bed and pulled a dark grey, plastic folder out of his backpack and opened it. "Kisame, I need your half of the report."

The chewing stopped. "…Come again?"

Itachi's eyes flickered up. "Your half of the report on the condition of today's society and why it has turned out this way."

"It's… uh… oh, I need to print it out!" Kisame jumped up and grabbed his keys before sprinting out the door. As the door slammed, Itachi smirked upon hearing the sound of frantic footsteps hurrying away towards the library in the dorm building. He then glanced down at the due date, which was one week from today.

Itachi always knew how to handle procrastinators quite well.

**-X-x-X-**

"Blondie!"

"Stop calling me that, un!" Deidara growled as he drained the last of his drink and sadly chucked the empty cup into a nearby trash can. He and Pein had wandered around the city after Starbucks before Deidara's cell phone began ringing. Pein always reprimanded him about the phone; Deidara could save so much money and live in a decent apartment if he would just settle for a simple flip phone and a plan that didn't include a data plan or texting. However, Deidara was adamant: he liked his smart phone and the ability to go on the internet and spam text people. That was one thing he would never give up. Besides, Deidara would counter, he needed texting. What if he was kidnapped and couldn't talk but could text?

Pein would then groan in exasperation and say that the first thing the kidnappers would do is tie up his hands. Deidara would ignore this and change the topic immediately.

As soon as Deidara answered his phone, Hidan's voice came through, demanding that they all meet at the park. When Deidara asked why Hidan would choose the park, he answered because Kakuzu was "too much of a motherfucking cheap asshole to go anywhere else." Deidara didn't mind the park; this was the one where he tended to blow things up in.

"Hey," Kakuzu looked up and gave a small wave in acknowledgement to his friends' arrival. He was possibly the quietest and most mature in the group; even now, in his crisp black suit, he looked incredibly out of place next to Hidan whose shirt's buttons were not being used. Deidara couldn't help but wonder how the four of them could be such good friends when they looked like they had nothing in common. Kakuzu blinked and frowned, looking at Deidara. "Why do you look like a hobo?"

"Do I seriously look that bad, un?" Deidara asked and looked down. He didn't look that bad, at least nothing was torn. "Pein called me a hobo too, un…"

"Yeah, you really do," Hidan smirked and looked at his friend, "What'd you do; roll out of your damn bed this morning?" Hidan always looked like he stepped out of some kind of a fashion catalogue, thanks to his never ending bank. Today, he donned a deep white v-neck and washed out jeans that hung loosely around his hips. If he kept his mouth shut, he really could pass for a model. However, Hidan's mouth was never shut.

"Shut up," Deidara mumbled and sat down on the bench next to his foul mouthed friend, "Just found out I'm getting evicted in three days, un. Didn't really feel like looking decent before storming out of my house." He ran his fingers through his blonde hair and frowned when he realized he had forgotten to put it up in its usual half ponytail. Maybe that was why everyone called him a hobo, he mused; his hair wasn't even brushed. Hastily, he began to finger comb his hair, hoping to make it look a bit more presentable.

"Pein," Kakuzu interrupted and glanced at the Rolex on his watch, "Isn't it four thirty?"

The orange haired man blinked and pulled out his cell phone. "…Yes. Yes, it is."

"Shouldn't you be back at work?"

"I suppose," Pein sighed. He did not look forward to going back. Technically speaking, he didn't have to. After all, he was the boss; no one would dare reprimand him for taking a four hour lunch break. But then again, that wouldn't be setting a very good example for his employees.

"Pein!"

The four men looked up and saw a blue haired woman approaching them, grinning broadly. Hidan whistled. "Damn, she's looking _fiiine._"

"Hidan, shut up," Pein muttered as Konan neared and he looked at her, smiling softly. "Konan."

"Hi! Coincidental seeing you here!" she said and looked at the other three before waving at them, "Hi, I'm Konan!"

"Studying to get her Ph.D in history at Tokyo University," Pein said as his own introduction of her and stood up next to her. Immediately, all three eyes zoomed in on their intertwined fingers. Deidara nudged Hidan, who nudged Kakuzu, who shot a glare at the silver haired man. _That's the girlfriend. Act cool._

"Deidara, un."

"Hidan."

"Kakuzu; nice to meet you."

Konan nodded politely at them, "Pein's talked about you three a lot! I'm glad to finally meet you guys; he makes you sound… interesting…" Immediately, the three noticed the bright voice falter slightly and they all glared at Pein who smirked in response and tugged at Konan's hand. "Let's go."

"Eh? Where? What about your friends?" Konan asked as he dragged her off somewhere.

"I don't care about them."

"Bastard!" Hidan muttered, "Scores a hot chick and pretends he doesn't know us! He's almost as much of an asswipe as Kakuzu!"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Deidara, you're being evicted?" Kakuzu leaned over and frowned again, worry creasing his face as he looked at his younger friend. Kakuzu wasn't one to show that he cared for his friends, but he did, with the exception of Hidan. He had a particular soft spot for Deidara; the kid was young and reckless, giving up what could've been a very stable and successful life to chase something that he wanted to do. It was admirable, but Kakuzu had a feeling Deidara wasn't exactly using his bright mind when he made the decision. He didn't want to see the artist get crushed by the reality of the world; deep down, where a tiny sliver of kindness laid, he hoped Deidara would succeed. Because, as Deidara had once confided when he was drunk, he had actually pursued his art because he wanted to make his parents proud. His parents always loved his art; once he made it big, Deidara promised, he'd dedicate his first art show to his parents. Then he promptly passed out and Kakuzu dragged him back home.

"Yup," Deidara sighed, "Missed too many payments, un. Three days. Know anyone looking for a roommate that doesn't mind if I can't pay for like the first three months, un?"

"You can always go work as a whore. You look girly enough."

"Fuck off, Hidan. I'm an artist, not a prostitute, un!"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes at their bickering before his eyes landed on a bright orange flyer. Usually he ignored the trash in the park but this time he picked it up and read it. _ROOMMATE WANTED. Apartment, 15 minutes away from Tokyo University by subway. Ability to pay rent immediately is not required; please call 555-656-7878._

"Hey guys…"

"Well then, do something about that fucking hair! Even I have to say, it's starting to get sad to watch guys mug you because they think you're a damn chick!"

"Oh shut up, Hidan, un! Why don't you wear something that actually covers your chest, un?"

"Hey, the ladies like it!"

"Do you even like girls, un?"

"That doesn't fucking matter!"

"…Forget it," Kakuzu muttered and crumpled up the flyer, tossing it into the trash easily and smirking as he glanced at Hidan Deidara who were attracting looks with their fighting. Kakuzu cared for Deidara; he really did. There were times where Deidara found his bills "magically" paid (of course, Kakuzu only did that when it was serious and not too much) or he "magically" found new clothes in his drawer (once again, Kakuzu would pass by a garage sale and see clothes that Deidara may wear). However, he had to let go. The kid had to learn to live by himself.

And Kakuzu's first lesson was letting him live on the streets.

**Author's Notes: It's at times like these when I really wish I took a writing class. Not a writing intensive class like AP Lang/AP Lit (which kill me, by the way) but a creative writing class. Something to help with story writing, not analysis. I can't wait to go to college…**

**Never have I attempted KisaIta nor KakuHida. Is Kakuzu out of character? Yes, definitely. Is Hidan not swearing enough? …Possibly. Are Pein and Itachi talking too much? Probably. Is anyone in character? …I don't believe so… If you have any critique or advice on how to portray characters better, I would love and appreciate to hear them. Thank you for reading, please review!**

**And yes. I changed my pen name. I may change it back because I hate change, but for now, I think I may keep it...**


	2. alcohol for all

**.disclaimer : don't own.**

_**.chapter two : alcohol for all.**_

"What do you want, un?" Deidara asked after he glanced at his phone and answered it. Since it was Hidan, he found no need to start off with a polite greeting. Hidan, after all, was the exact opposite of polite. The three of them had chatted in the park for a few more minutes before parting ways; Hidan headed off towards a nearby casino declaring that he felt lucky today and Kakuzu had kindly driven Deidara to the nearby art store after much whining and begging.

Deidara had just found the new clay display in the store when his phone rang. He had wandered up and down the aisles, soaking in all the things he loved but couldn't afford when he noticed that there was more clay than usual. Intrigued, he stopped and had barely finished reading the first label when his phone rang. Scowling, he realized he had to put off his exploration of the different kinds of clay as he pulled his phone out to see who would dare distract him.

"It's Kakuzu."

"Oh," Deidara blinked, "Hi Kakuzu, un. Why are you calling me with Hidan's phone, un?"

"The moron got himself kicked out of the casino so he called me to pick him up. He said he wants everyone to meet at his place tonight at seven. You in?"

"Yeah, sure, un," Deidara said absentmindedly as he picked up a package and glanced at the label and noted the firmness; this was definitely one he wanted when he had some money. After he glanced at the price, his eyes bulged and he put it back carefully.

"You sure you don't want to spend your last couple of hours in your apartment?" Deidara could hear the mocking undertone in Kakuzu's otherwise monotonous question. In the background he heard a snicker and assumed it was Hidan. Though they were best friends, Deidara always told himself that he needed to meet nicer people; it surely wasn't healthy to be best friends with someone like Hidan. But, then again, Deidara would remember dryly, he wasn't a ball of sunshine and unicorns either. In fact, he enjoyed making sculptures of unicorns and blowing them up…

"Shut up, un," he muttered, completely absorbed by the wide variety of clay in front of him. All the shiny packaging and different colors refused to let go of his attention. The clay was all packaged in the similar rectangular prism shape; some were tall, some were short, and some were in a cube shape. All the same, all symmetrical, all so standard. But with a scalpel and imagination, the possibilities were endless. Suddenly, his fingers itched to create something. Instantly, he dazedly reached into his pocket for his wallet before he realized his situation. _Damn. No money, un._

"Deidara?" Kakuzu's voice prompted in his ear and suddenly Deidara remembered that he was supposed to be carrying on a conversation. People accused him of having attention deficit disorder, but Deidara refused to believe it. His attention would only be garnered by important things. Most people were inconspicuous specks compared to his beautiful clay.

_Crap. What were we talking about, un? Oh. Hidan's at some time._ "I'll see you at eight?" he tried, guessing a random time as he picked up a reddish clay and examined it, squishing it to feel the texture. _More watery than I'm used to, un. But it'd be fun to mess with a new texture…_

"Seven." Deidara could hear the amusement in Kakuzu's voice. Kakuzu was usually the one that chastised Deidara and his lack of attention towards living objects; he was probably expecting a disconnected conversation since he had dropped Deidara off at an art store. Deidara barely remembered to thank Kakuzu and say a goodbye; he instantly threw open the door and slammed it shut as he nearly sprinted towards the entrance.

"That's what I mean, un." _Hey, only one hour off, un. I'm not too bad at this._

"Right. See you then. I'll pick you up."

With a click, Kakuzu was gone. Deidara pocketed his phone and took a few steps back so he could see the higher shelves, the reddish clay still in his hands. He frowned as he looked down. He wanted this clay. Really badly. But he had no money. And stealing was out of the question; he couldn't risk sitting in jail and thinking about all his stuff being cast out on the street; none of his friends would go collect his stuff for him. They would just visit him at jail and point and laugh at him.

"Hey kid."

A new voice greeted Deidara and the blonde looked up and he grinned, seeing Genma. He worked at the store and Deidara had gradually become an acquaintance with him, considering how often he came here. Genma also came to recognize his face; he told Deidara before he had met him he knew him as the "blonde kid with one eye and speech impediment." Genma always had something in his mouth; sometimes it was pocky or a piece of paper he was supposed to be using to restock the shelves. Today it was a toothpick; Deidara wondered what the chances were of Genma spitting it out at someone's eye. "Back again? You going to buy that?" he nodded towards the clay in Deidara's hands and he shook his head.

"I'm broke, un. I don't even have enough money to pay the rent; I'm getting evicted in three days, un. I wish I could buy this though," he muttered and began to play with it as he tossed it up and down in the air, watching the glare the lights shed on the plastic change as it moved up and down.

"Aaah. That sucks, man," Genma nodded solemnly as he knelt down and opened the box he was carrying. He began to place more clay on the shelf (Deidara watched the types of clay come out of the box avidly) when he noticed a bright orange flyer on the floor, only the corner peeking out from under the shelves. He picked it up and raised an eyebrow. "Deidara, I think today's your lucky day."

"Hm? Giving me free clay, un?" Deidara asked as he reached into the box and took out a lighter, sandy grey shade of clay. His grip didn't leave imprints like it did with the last one; it took more force to dent it. This was closer to the type of clay he usually worked with, but it was still much firmer than he was used to. _I'd have to soften this baby first, un…_

"Look," Genma held the flyer up to Deidara, smirking as Deidara realized he wasn't talking about clay and frowned, looking at the flyer. "Some kid's looking for a roommate. You don't have to pay rent for a while too. You should stop by… what's the religious kid's name?"

"Hidan," Deidara answered as he took the flyer and scanned it over, blinking in disbelief. Roommate wanted and the ability to pay rent wasn't required; it was like someone had answered his mental advertisement. He continued scanning the orange flyer for some kind of a catch; this sounded way too good to be true.

"Yeah him. Looks like his religion stuff isn't all bull, huh?" Genma stood up, holding the now empty box by one of the flaps with a hand. "I've got more stuff to do; have fun browsing and looking at all the stuff you can't afford." Genma raised his other hand and brushed past Deidara, the box scraping across the floor and hitting his leg and the shelves occasionally.

"Thanks for the compassion, un!" Deidara called at Genma's retreating back. He glanced at the flyer again and folded it up, smiling slightly as he pocketed it; his mood had gone up several levels. Kneeling back down, his eyes glinted as he continued to stare at the wide array of clay before him. _Maybe I can trick Hidan into buying me some, un…_ he mused, smirking to himself, _He is rather obedient when it comes to Jashin…_

**-X-x-X-**

Sasori was not a patient man. He hated to wait and, likewise, he hated to make other people wait. He despised hypocrites; thus, it would not do for him to be a hypocrite. He was always punctual or early, no matter the occasion. His homework was always turned in on time and when he set a meeting, he was always there exactly at the arranged time if not earlier.

But this was ridiculous. He and Zetsu had left their apartment and headed to the nearby nursery. Most nurseries looked like a normal store from the outside, but this one was essentially a _huge_ greenhouse. From the outside, everyone and everything on the inside could be seen and so when Zetsu and Sasori approached, the nice old lady that ran the place smiled sweetly at Zetsu. He was, without a doubt, their best customer. And now Sasori was dealing with Zetsu crouching in front of a display of seeds, comparing two brands of tomato plants for a whole hour.

The redhead glanced at the watch on his risk and made a face. It was five thirty and it took a good half hour to get to their arranged meeting place. Which meant he still had an hour to spare, but he had asked Zetsu if they could stop by a nearby art shop so he could look around. He didn't need anything but he still loved the environment. He loved the art store; walking in, all one saw were pieces of scraps of any kind of material everywhere. However, those miscellaneous pieces could always be used and put together to form a masterpiece. It was like magic; Sasori always spent his time at magic shows using logic to decipher the phenomenon, but to him art truly was magical. It took a certain amount of skill and luck to create exactly one envisioned, whereas a magic trick could be perfected with practice and knowledge.

Zetsu had agreed to his friend's request, promising that he wouldn't be too long. But at this rate, Sasori wouldn't have enough time to even walk around the place once. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently, clearing his throat to hopefully send Zetsu the message that he was growing impatient. However, the plant-lover took no heed to his irritated friend and continued to compare two packets of tomato plant seeds. "Hm… this one seems to need more sunlight… Sasori, do you know what the weather will be like for the next three months?"

"Zetsu, I'm going to go to the art store and I'll meet you back here _at the exit with all your purchases made_ at seven sharp, all right?" Sasori ignored his friend's question and posed his own; how was he supposed to know the weather for the next three months? When he got a dazed nod in return, Sasori turned around on his heel and left the nursery, turning to the right towards the art store. As soon as he pulled open the door and the smell of glue and wood overwhelmed him, he immediately felt at ease.

"Hey Sasori."

The redhead glanced to his left and saw Genma at the cash register. He was sitting on a stool with his feet propped up on the counter and he leaned against the wall as he was flipping through a book. Being a frequent customer, Sasori had met almost all the employees that worked there and was on a first name basis with most, if not all, of them. Sasori didn't like people very much, but if he had to pick who he liked best it would probably be Genma, since he didn't try to make random conversation and sometimes gave him discounts.

Sasori gave a nod and put his hands in his pockets as he began to stroll down the aisles, looking at everything they had. He had the store memorized like the back of his hand, but he liked seeing everything, even if he didn't use it. The art store was good for his OCD; seeing the tubes of paint lined up by color according to the rainbow soothed him, as well as seeing wood being lined up by height, from shortest to tallest. He paused and ran his fingers over the smooth material, his eyes flicking to the rough sandpaper beside it. One of his favorite parts about puppet making, besides looking and controlling his masterpiece, was sanding the wood. He felt powerful as he took something crude and painful (he knew every remedy possible for a splinter) into something smooth and harmless and then manipulated it into shapes flawlessly.

"Ahhh, fuck it, un."

Sasori's gaze traveled to his left, towards the clay aisle that was just beyond the aisle he was currently in. Though he frequented the store on an almost daily basis, his favorite time to go was on a Friday evening because that was when the store was emptiest. He was usually alone, save a few employees, and so he never had to deal with people bumping into him or, worse, trying to talk to him. Seeing someone here was different.

He squinted his eyes to try to get a clearer image of the person. The long blonde hair gave the impression that it was a girl, but based on the language and the tone of voice, he assumed it was a guy. Sasori put down the sandpaper he was assessing and strolled over to see what this person was stressing out over. It wasn't that Sasori was a sadist, it was just that his favorite form of entertainment was watching people in distress. That was not enough to categorize him as a sadist, no matter what Kisame said.

"Damn money, un," the person continued to grumble and when Sasori got close enough, he saw that he was holding two packs of clay and staring at them. The redhead stopped a few feet away and looked at the scalpels to pretend he hadn't wandered over because of the person. Besides, he could use some scalpels. Though it wasn't their proper use, he would sometimes use them to lightly carve lines for him to cut on. Since scalpels were meant for soft clay, it went without question that he went through several scalpels, especially if it was a large puppet.

Deidara had seen this stranger walk up to him in his peripheral vision. He had expected him to ask him what he was cursing about, but instead he stopped and examined the sculpting tools next to the clay. He snuck a quick glance at the person and blinked a couple of times in shock and confusion.

"You sure you should be out by yourself, kid, un?"

Sasori, taken back by the sudden question, turned to look at Deidara. He had assumed Deidara to be in his early twenties and judging by his appearance, probably not a very well put together person. With his blonde hair and blue eyes, or rather the one eye that Sasori could see, the first word that came to mind to describe him was "pretty." But Sasori refrained from telling him that; it may possibly offend him and Sasori rarely complimented anyone, if Deidara would even take the word 'pretty' as a compliment.

"Excuse me?"

"What are you, like, sixteen, un?"

Sasori scowled. Sixteen? He knew he looked young but not _that_ young. It wasn't his fault he was blessed, or rather cursed at times, with good genes. He got for free what many people spent millions on, yet he sometimes he wished he looked a bit older. "I'm twenty four, mind you. And may I ask what gender you happen to be? Your voice indicates a male yet your hair indicates a female. Or are you confused and trying to pick one?"

"Shut up, un! What're you doing here anyway, looking like _that_?" Deidara gestured at Sasori's face, "I sure as hell don't like your face but I'm pretty sure you could use it to get a date, un. Or maybe your wretched personality overshadows it." Deidara narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing the stranger's appearance. Now that he looked more closely, the pissed off expression gracing the young features did seem to point to the fact that he wasn't sixteen or so. No sixteen year old could muster a death glare like that.

"I'm into the arts," Sasori answered curtly and turned back to look at the different sculpting materials, quietly seething. What a rude, impertinent brat. Out of the corner of his eye, Sasori caught sight of a collar. Instead of wondering why there was a collar in an art store, he wondered if he could sneak it onto the blonde's neck and lead him around…

"Oh? What kind, un?" Deidara grinned, looking up at him. An artist? This was different. It was rare that he met another artist; most of the ones he met were complete amateurs and idiots. They painted a couple of dots on a blank canvas or sketched a person with horrible proportions and called it art. Minimalism and cubism wasn't his particular favorite; anyone could do that with enough practice. But true art was something innate, and Deidara had met very few people that possessed this quality. This kid hadn't made some stupid comment about how Mozart was the best painter ever (Deidara had to excuse himself and jump out a window after that comment), walked up with him holding seven tubes of the standard rainbow colors and said he was going to create a masterpiece, or anything else stupid. He had passed the primary inspection, and Deidara was satisfied.

Normally, Sasori would have stalked off once he was asked a question because answering a question indicated a mutual agreement to carry on a conversation and Sasori hated conversations. But he had a while before Zetsu would be done staring at his precious baby seeds and this kid was interesting, albeit extremely annoying. "Puppets." Just because Sasori agreed to talk to him didn't mean he was going to give in depth answers.

"Hm," he heard Deidara's satisfied answer before a dry amused, chuckle, "Not to insult your intelligence, but scalpels don't go well with wood, un."

"I use them to mark spots as to where to cut the wood or where to attach things. You're into sculpting?" Sasori posed a rare question as he motioned at the clay in Deidara's hands. He hadn't meant to linger, but there was always something about a banter that kept him interested. Instead of reacting childishly and violently like Sasori was expecting, Deidara had coolly insulted him and hadn't said something completely ridiculous yet. He liked a good argument once in a while; it helped feed his ego on a daily basis when he won.

Deidara reached up and pushed his fringe out of his eyes momentarily, revealing to Sasori his other eye (he was slightly disappointed; he thought maybe his other eye was missing or something). "Yeah, un. No money though, so I have to wait a while before I can make any more sculptures. Sucks, un. To be this close to art yet something as stupid as money stands in the way." Deidara sighed and returned to staring at the clay wistfully.

Sasori remained silent. Deidara didn't realize it but what he said really connected with Sasori too. Every night he'd go home, have the ability to work mindlessly on his puppets for the entire night, but something as trivial as his studies got in the way. Without a word, he pulled out his wallet and sifted through the pristine bills (he always demanded the newest looking money when he was receiving change) and threw a couple at Deidara and folded his wallet, returning it to its place in his back pocket and acting as if he had done nothing.

Deidara blinked and looked up in confusion, holding the crisp bills between his fingers as he held them up. "What's this, un?"

"Money." As if Deidara just asked the most moronic question in the world. "If I were you I'd use it to buy some water to shower. But spend it on clay if you wish."

"SASORI. SEE, I'M NOT LATE. **So you can't chew me out because of your damn punctuality! Now get your ass here, you creepily-looking-young man!**"

Sasori turned around and saw Zetsu at the end of the aisle, near the entrance. He smirked and held up a hand, signaling that he would be there soon. He turned back to Deidara and his smirk only widened as he watched the younger man's face twist into anger. "Nice to talk to you," Sasori said in a mockingly polite voice as he turned around and walked off.

"Piss off, un!" Deidara yelled as watched the redhead, whose name he now knew as Sasori, reach the weirdly pale kid and leave. As he heard the sliding doors close he looked back down at the bills and blinked, growling at the irritating memory of Sasori's smug face before he left. _Bastard, un. I don't smell that bad, do I? _He counted the bills and smirked; there was just enough for the two packs of clay he was holding.

The blonde stood up, holding the two packs of clay with one hand and the crisply folded bills in his other. He kept his eyes straight ahead, knowing better than to tempt himself by looking at all the colors of paints available to make his masterpieces even more beautiful when they blew up into smithereens. Genma looked up in amusement as he watched Deidara come at him with the most concentrated look he had seen on anyone in a while. "So Sasori gave you money, eh?" he asked. Considering Deidara and Sasori were the only ones in the store, it didn't take much brainpower to deduce where Deidara suddenly got the money from.

"Asshole. Told me to shower," Deidara answered as he put the two packs of clay down and handed over the bills. His eyes ran over the bulletin board behind Genma; that was where the store posted any upcoming competitions or notable artists. He squinted and smirked; his name was still up there under sculpting and "creative demonstrations of art." Scanning the list, his blue eyes widened, seeing "Akasuna Sasori" under "puppets." He knew some talented puppeteers, like Kankuro for instance. Deidara didn't even know puppets could do some of the things that Kankuro could make them do, but seeing Sasori, if it was even the Sasori he had just talked to, rank above Kankuro… he suddenly became very interested.

"So, when are you doing another one of your shows?" Genma asked as he began scanning the items and tapping at the computer, making a sound of irritation and frowning when the computer beeped loudly at him, "The park's getting quiet. Birds haven't flown off in fear for a while. Children haven't been crying and mothers haven't been looking around, feeling as if they were under attack."

"Tomorrow or day after probably, un," Deidara answered, taking his eyes off of the board momentarily to glance at Genma. "I've got a few things left to blow up, un. Just enough explosives left too." His blue eyes returned to the board, looking for any pictures of Sasori's puppets.

"Cool. Maybe I'll try to drop by. Oh yeah," Genma added, interrupting Deidara from his scrutinizing of the board as he grabbed a bag and put the clay in, dropping the receipt in as well and holding it out to Deidara, "Sasori said something about you as he left."

"What, un?" Deidara was surprised and interested as he took the bag, wondering what Sasori could possibly say about him.

"He told his friend to beware of the blonde hobo that's obsessed with polymer clay. And that he smelled horrible and should go dance in the rain in front of an incoming truck."

"Pompous asshole, un," Deidara mumbled and Genma laughed, "Thanks. See you around, un." Deidara held up a hand as he left the store. He wandered over to the edge of the road and pulled out his phone, looking at the time. 7:00. _Kakuzu should be here soon,_ he mused and went to pocket his phone, but felt a piece of paper. Pulling it out he blinked at the vibrantly orange color, before remembering what it was. Was he really going to do this? It was like those pieces of paper with the flaps at the bottom that advertised free music lessons or tutoring; no one actually took those seriously, did they? The numbers were often used for prank calls (Deidara knowing this first hand. He had prank called dozens of poor, unsuspecting "art" teachers.)

"Better try than just be cast out, un…" he unfolded it and dialed the number then pressed the phone up to his ear, listening to the ringing sound as he played with the plastic of his bag. Cars whizzed by and he glanced up in irritation every once in a while as blonde wisps of hair blew across his face, his free hand brushing them back into place. He played with a couple strands of the golden locks, wondering if someone was going to answer. _I feel so stupid, un. Someone better answer._

"Hello?" Deidara nearly jumped as the ringing was replaced with a low voice that boomed through the phone. He mentally slapped himself; he probably just appeared incredibly stupid for jumping by himself.

"Uh, hi, un," Deidara cleared his throat nervously; why was he nervous? "I'm calling for the ad for the roommate thing, un? On the disgustingly bright orange flyer?" he narrowed his eyes when he heard a shuffling sound in the background, as if the phone was being handed to someone else. "…Hello, un?"

"Hold on a sec kid, okay?" the voice answered and Deidara sighed as he removed the phone from his face briefly, tapping the screen to look at the time; where exactly was Kakuzu? He pressed the phone against his ear, hearing more shuffling sounds in the back and voices and music. He hoped this wasn't at the apartment; he hated dealing with people when he was trying to concentrate on his art.

Speaking of which, he hoped this guy was into art. Only a fellow artist would understand the eccentricities of waking up at 1 a.m. and feeling a sudden desire to create something and giving up several hours of sleep or the beauty of rain that could be utilized in paintings. More than once had Deidara quickly splashed colors on a blank canvas and run outside during a thunderstorm to watch the droplets of water dilute the colors and mix them together, creating something that no human could ever recreate.

"Sorry about that, my roommate needed to concentrate on his paper so he left," a new, calmer voice spoke and Deidara found himself jumping again at the sudden noise, "He told me you were interested in the roommate advertisement? If you do not mind, I would like to ask you a few questions on behalf of my friend."

"Yeah, sure, un." Not like Kakuzu was going to show up, Deidara mused as he glanced at both sides of the barren street and scowled. _I need a punctual friend, un. Someone who's never late._

"Do you smoke or do drugs?"

"No, un."

"Are you antisocial? Do you hate humanity and wish for all to perish in a horrible fire?"

"…No, un. What's with…"

"Can you cook?"

"I can make ramen and rice, un… That's about it… Why are you…"

"Do you actually have a social life?"

"Yeah, I hang out with a couple of friends on a daily basis…"

"Do you have any other commitments, such as schooling or a job?"

"No; I was supposed to go to med school but I opted not to, so I bum around all day, un…"

"Are you a quiet sleeper? Do you sleep the entire night?"

"Not unless inspiration strikes for a new sculpture or something, un."

"…Oh?" Deidara heard the voice on the other side of the line express interest for the first time in this questionnaire. "Are you an artist as well?"

_As well…?_ "Yeah, un. I sculpt and paint, among other miscellaneous things."

"Ah. Perfect. Please hold on a moment," the voice sounded pleased and he heard more mumbling in the background.

_Why is it that everyone I associate myself with is so weird, un…_ Deidara sighed as he fell quiet again, waiting for whoever was on the other side of the phone to get his act together. Really, these people weren't that well organized. It was as if the actual owner of the apartment had no say or input into the whole finding a roommate thing. The questions were also eccentric; who in the world would hate humanity and want the apocalypse to happen tomorrow?

After a momentary pause, the voice spoke again. "Five o'clock, tomorrow at the address on the flyer. Will you be able to make it?"

"Yeah, I think, un. Thanks."

"No, thank _you_. We trust he will be pleased to meet you." With a click, the line disconnected. Deidara sighed and hugged his knees to his chest, resting his chin on top of his arms again as he waited for Kakuzu to show up. Hopefully his homelessness issue was solved; most people Deidara met tended to like him, unless they met under the circumstance of something Deidara blowing up hitting the person in the face. Then they certainly were not friendly.

It was late October and the cold wind proved it, Deidara noted grudgingly, as he pulled his jacket closer around him. He loved fall because of all the colors of the changing leaves and the pleasant weather, but he hated waiting on the street edge like a hobo. He glared at every passing person that glanced at him with pity, picking up a coin and chucking it rudely at the person who dropped it next to him, playing with his phone absentmindedly as it seemed to get colder every passing minute. He shivered involuntarily, tilting his head down to bury the bottom half of his face in his jacket.

_Kakuzu, hurry your ass up, un._

**-X-x-X-**

"I had to go worry about my paper?"

"I couldn't think of anything," Itachi admitted and closed his phone, smirking slightly, "It would not have been appropriate to say you got distracted by a waitress who walked by with several kinds of drinks on her tray. The caller is also an artist, but seems to enjoy living, does not enjoy solitude, and will annoy Sasori to no end. I believe he is perfect for this purpose."

"So there's someone interested?" Kisame asked, grinning, "He seems like the complete opposite of Sasori. I'm surprised it worked out so well, to be honest…" He pulled out his phone and just as 6:59 turned to 7:00, he sensed two people slide into the booths across from Itachi and himself. He looked up and grinned, seeing Sasori looking perfectly fine and Zetsu, who was completely out of breath. After a few pants, the pale man turned to Sasori, glaring. "Dude! You're messed up! I just sprinted at least ten miles in just as many minutes! **You horrible, cruel, slave driver, you! Why the hell do you look like you just strolled in after getting a massage?**"

Sasori shrugged nonchalantly; Zetsu's words didn't insult him the slightest bit. After all, the two had left the art store at precisely six thirty and according to Sasori's calculations, the four miles that they had to walk would have the sufficient thirty minutes. However, Zetsu got distracted by a roadside garden and he gushed over how vibrant the flowers were for a good twenty minutes. "If you didn't spend twenty minutes staring stupidly at azaleas, we could have walked here. And it was four miles, not ten."

"Four miles in ten minutes! You know, you could've at least told me we would have had to sprint to this place! **Not everyone ran track in high school, prick!**"

Kisame and Itachi watched the two argue with amusement. Both of them were smart enough to know that when it came to Sasori and time, one had to listen to his precise words. Sasori's main concern was getting to his destination on time. On the way there, he didn't seem to care as much, which was why he didn't telling Zetsu to stop looking at the plants. Sasori knew he was a fast runner; he could get anywhere in time. However, the people he dragged with him usually weren't track stars. It was highly possible that Sasori used this to his advantage and waited until the last possible minute to tell them they had to go.

It was an unspoken agreement that Sasori, as the sadistic man he was, would milk every opportunity to watch one of his friends suffer.

"Excited to move out, Zetsu?" Kisame asked as a waitress stopped near them and placed four beers in front of them and sauntered off. The Akatsuki was their favorite rendezvous place; it was a bar with all their favorite drinks, but it wasn't a bar-turned-into-a-club. With the dim lights, the atmosphere was quiet and calm as mostly businessmen and mature people came in. There were booths against the wall and white sofas around glass coffee tables in the middle, ranging from seating two to up to ten people. To the other side of the room was the bar; a clean, glass and metal counter that ran from almost wall to wall with metal stools in front of it. The wall of alcohol expanded from floor to ceiling with a glass wall in front of it. They had never seen anyone get any of the wines near the top, but that was probably because those were rumored to be one-of-a-kind, used for display and not meant for people to drink.

It was a bar, but it was so calm and relaxed, that it was more of a hangout for what felt like the society's most educated and elite. In other words, the perfect place for the four.

"Oh yeah. Get to get away from this guy." Zetsu's breathing was back to normal after he took a swig of his martini, gulping half of it down at once. He frowned as he realized the other three were staring at him, and he looked at them with suspicion. "…What?"

"Don't drink too much," Itachi said simply, taking a small sip of his drink, "Sasori gets angry when he has to drag you back to your apartment."

"My alcohol tolerance is _not_ that low."

"Yes it is," the other three replied in unison. Zetsu scoffed; every time they went out to drink, they always had this disagreement. True, his alcohol tolerance was the lowest, but they had to give him some credit. Just because it took five shots vodka for him to get drunk instead of the twelve for Kisame, sixteen for Sasori, and God knows how many for Itachi didn't mean his alcohol tolerance was low. He was being unfairly compared.

Zetsu also didn't understand how it worked that Sasori and Itachi had the higher alcohol tolerances. Slimmer and lighter people were supposed to get drunk more easily, so why was it that Kisame, the tallest and most built of them all, didn't have the highest alcohol tolerance? Zetsu had contemplated this several times but he had left it at the fact that he hung out with strange people.

He peeked at the three around him, smiling slightly. "Why am I friends with you guys again?"

Kisame grinned. "You wouldn't have friends otherwise, Daisy." Kisame had a habit of nicknaming people, usually for memory purposes but sometimes they slipped out in conversation, and he had christened Zetsu with 'Daisy' because of his milky, pale skin and yellow contacts, as well as Zetsu's obsession with plants. Besides the color and obsession, Zetsu didn't see any resemblance; it wasn't like he was frail like a daisy. He was actually a decent fighter. But compared to Kisame, almost everyone was a flower, just waiting to be trampled. "Now go get us drinks. Shots of vodka."

"Fine fine… **just wait until one day I get my revenge on your assholes! You'll regret bossing me around!**"

"So, Sasori," Itachi said as Zetsu slid out of the booth and made his way across the place to the bar where he would probably try to hit on some girl sitting there alone. "Kisame and I have done you a favor that we hope you will appreciate."

"And that is…?" Sasori pulled out his phone to check the time and frowned, seeing it was only 7:40. Only forty minutes had passed, yet he felt it had been so much longer. _I hate people. I hate socializing. I hate living._

"Due to Zetsu's recent decision to move out," Itachi paused and glanced at Kisame as if to ask him _do you want to tell him?_ Kisame looked back with wide eyes, conveying _hell no! He'll rip me apart! You do it!_ Itachi rolled his eyes mentally, keeping the stoic façade as he turned back to Sasori. "We sent out flyers, indicating that you were looking for a roommate."

"You… what?" Sasori growled dangerously as he slammed his hands down on the table and stood up. Itachi and Kisame exchanged glances then looked at their prodigy friend, almost afraid.

"We sent out flyers saying you needed a roommate," Itachi reiterated calmly and seriously, as if Sasori had asked for clarification instead of out of disbelief and anger.

"And hey, it gets worse!" Kisame interrupted, grinning; he had to do something about smiling stupidly when he was getting nervous, "You won't be getting any money for at least three months! We figured we had to add some kind of incentive. And the type of person that we want for you is probably the kind that can't pay!"

"And why the hell would you do that?"

"For we believe you need to actively participate in social environments," Itachi continued where Kisame faltered when Sasori glared at him. Sasori's glare was lethal, but so was Itachi's; both had grown accustomed to death glares because that was what they usually saw first thing in the mirror every morning. "When we receive a call, we will notify you," Itachi paused, hardening his glare at Sasori who scoffed and look away with an '_don't think you can scare me with a glare'_ attitude, "It is expected you will let him in and treat him courteously."

"I had a roommate," Sasori continued glaring at Kisame because he actually shrank back. His eyes quickly glanced at Itachi then rested on Kisame because he was the only one that would be scared, "And he left by his own will. I wasn't being antisocial forever, you know."

"Yes, well," Itachi sipped his water calmly, "It was Zetsu. We believed you needed someone that would bring you out of your shell. Zetsu is hardly the kind of outgoing person you needed."

"Coming from you, that's rich."

"C'mon, Sasori! Maybe you'll make a new friend or something!" Kisame tried to console the redhead. Once the glare was off, Kisame felt safe enough to talk to his friend again. "He's going to stop by tomorrow around five. Little Sasori can make a new friend!" Kisame couldn't help but tease him; he loved making fun of Sasori because, well, height was essentially the only thing the business student had over his friend.

"You guys are bastards," Sasori growled and grabbed his coat, stalking off and roughly brushing shoulders with Zetsu as he returned, holding four drinks. Zetsu raised an eyebrow at Sasori and sat down at the booth, giving Kisame the extra vodka shot. "**What bit his ass?**"

"He doesn't take too kindly to the roommate idea," Itachi sighed, "I feel bad for the kid. I don't think Sasori will be in a good mood tomorrow."

Kisame took a huge sip and laughed as he put the empty glass down on the table. "To be honest, I don't think Sasori is ever in a _good_ mood. It's usually bad mood or normal mood. There's no extreme to the positive end of the spectrum."

The blue haired man snuck a glance at his friend who was rubbing the bridge of his nose. Concerned, he spoke up. "You all right, Itachi? Want to go home?"

"Just tired," Itachi answered, "Nothing serious."

Kisame's gaze lingered on the Uchiha for a bit longer before he looked back straight ahead and unfortunately straight at Zetsu, whose mouth was curling up into a horrible grin. He had seen this grin; this was the Zetsu Grin that rivaled the Joker's (which gave Kisame nightmares but he would never admit it). This was the grin that he had seen before he heard of poison ivy growing all over the botany lab right after Zetsu received a B on his paper and the grin that he saw before he heard on the intercom that there were Venus fly traps everywhere and everyone was to avoid sticking their fingers in them for candy (some kid Tobi did apparently; Kisame couldn't believe someone was that stupid).

Whenever this grin appeared, there was bad news. Kisame may not have been the brightest bulb in his graduating class from high school or undergrad, but he was smart enough to know when he was in trouble. Immediately, his blood ran cold and he felt his face pale. _Oh shit._

"Kisame…" Zetsu's voice was suddenly laced with venom and mockery, a sadistic glint in the yellow eyes, "Are you…"

"Here! Drink up, buddy!" with a swift movement, Kisame grabbed the other shot of vodka that he hadn't consumed yet and poured it down his younger friend's throat, the flush settling over his cheeks masked by the dim lighting of the room. His heart was pounding and he prayed Itachi didn't figure it out (the Uchihas were quite an intelligent family). Sneaking a glance, Itachi seemed to have been preoccupied with his phone, much to Kisame's relief.

"Shit, man! **What the hell?**"

"Kisame, I would appreciate it if you left some of our friends alive. I do quite enjoy their company." The phone was pocketed and Itachi spoke calmly, as if watching Kisame pour alcohol down Zetsu's throat was a daily occurrence.

Kisame sat down and cleared his throat. "Sorry Itachi," he muttered then glanced at Zetsu, who was sputtering. He hardened his gaze and the pale boy twitched. "Sorry, _Zetsu._" Obviously, he was not very apologetic at all. Zetsu waved a hand and coughed, indicating forgiveness but the smirk indicated that he was not going to let this drop.

"I will be back," Itachi said offhandedly and slid out of the booth. Immediately, as soon as he was out of earshot, Kisame glared at Zetsu as his mouth opened.

"Don't say a word."

"Can't I just make your life a living hell? Pretty please?"

"No."

"But—!"

"_No._"

**-X-x-X-**

"You know what, Kakuzu? Fuck you, un!"

The other three occupants looked up in amusement as they watched Deidara throw open the door dramatically and stomp in, shedding articles of clothing as he stormed towards them. Shoes off: "I waited like an idiot at the side of the road, un! People looked at me like I was a real hobo, un!" Jacket off: "You told me you'd pick me up, un!" Scarf off: "So much for that, you cheap bastard, un!"

"Keep your pants on, blondie," Hidan grinned as he leaned back against the chair. Prior to the entrance, they had been playing poker around his kitchen table. Technically, it was a poker table that he threw a table cloth over when he needed it to be a kitchen table. It truly demonstrated Hidan's priorities: gambling over food, any day, anytime. "No one here to impress."

Kakuzu glanced over and shrugged as Deidara plopped down in the empty chair between Hidan and Kakuzu and across from Pein. Silently, Kakuzu collected everyone's cards, plucking them out of Hidan's hands and ignoring the cry of protest and shuffled before dealing again. He glance up at Deidara and was met with an angry expression. He shrugged in a non apologetic manner. "Forgot, sorry."

"And I actually thought you were nice after you drove me there today, un!" Deidara huffed and grabbed his cards, glancing at them and frowned slightly at his hand_. Weird, un._ He glanced at the table to see what they were betting and, to his displeasure, he saw bills on the table. "Uh… guys? I told you I'm broke, right, un?"

"Piece of paper," Kakuzu answered immediately as he looked as his own cards then put them down, his poker face never once twitching, "Write down the amount."

"Fuck!" Hidan's poker face was not very stable, as demonstrated by his curse as he threw his cards down on the table and crossed his arms, scowling. The table shook slightly as Hidan leaned back, kicking one of the legs of the table by accident. "Kakuzu, you dealt me a shit hand!"

Deidara glanced up and couldn't help but smiling slightly as he watched Hidan's face twist into anger as Kakuzu flipped him off. He thought this felt like some shady meeting of a gang, with the cursing, ratty table, and poker. Looking up and seeing a dingy light bulb swinging about, Deidara suddenly tried to remember if he joined a gang after all. "Hidan, I thought you had a chandelier, un."

"Shithead made me return it. Apparently the money I used to buy it was supposed to go to him for some fucking reason I don't even remember," Hidan growled as Kakuzu silently pushed a few of his chips towards the center of the table. Pein followed suit as did Hidan, although not as silently as the other two. Deidara reached into his pocket and pulled out the receipt from the art store and ripped off a corner, scribbling the amount of money on it and threw it in the center, watching it flutter gently on top of the pile of chips. He grimaced. _I'm so poor even I can see it's pathetic, un._

"Haha, Deidara's poor!"

"Shut up, un. No need to point out the obvious. You had to return a chandelier to repay the tax you owed Kakuzu, moron, un!"

"How is that fucking moronic of me, you bitch?"

"You were paying tax for money you didn't even borrow, un!"

"…_What?"_

Pein and Kakuzu's eyes looked up as they felt the table shake violently and saw Hidan stand up, his chair clattering onto the floor behind him. Deidara blinked, and the expression on his face seemed to be jumping from smug to worried for his life. Finally, his ego won and he decided to choose looking smug at revealing Kakuzu's secret.

"Fuckhead! How much money have you been "taxing" me?" Hidan bellowed, using air quotations around "taxation." Kakuzu glanced up then at Deidara who was grinning proudly and at Pein who looked amused. Kakuzu couldn't help but sigh. He cared for Deidara; that was why he paid some of his lighter bills. But he had to get reimbursed somehow. Deidara was out of the question; there was no point in making the kid pay back his good deed (and Kakuzu would have to admit he was being nice to him and Deidara and Hidan would never let him live it down) and ever since the beginning of their friendship, Kakuzu sensed that Pein was not one to borrow money from frequently. Thus, he chose the bumbling idiot who had a never ending pocketful of money: Hidan.

"Consider it payment as all the favors I've had to do for you. Try to find someone else who willingly drags your drunken ass home and leaves you in bed instead of in front of your door," Kakuzu answered smoothly and revealed his hand, throwing the five cards down on the ratty tablecloth with flourish. "Flush."

"Asshole! I thought we were friends!"

"Ah, I had three of a kind. I'm out," Pein muttered and threw his cards onto the table, strewing them everywhere and leaning back into his chair. "Hidan, I think we're all supposed to be friends. But have we ever gone five minutes without swearing at one another?"

The silver haired man crossed his arms, scowling. "I had a three of a kind too. Fuck. Oh, wait, shit, I'm bitching out at you," Hidan made a face and Kakuzu silently sniggered at his short attention span, "Fuck you, man! Squeezing me like a lemon for money! Asshole!"

Deidara looked around, holding his cards up so the bottom half of his face was covered; all the other three could see was a single, bright blue eye shift back and forth and crinkling with silent laughter. The other three stared at him suspiciously and the four sat in an awkward silence until Hidan broke it.

"You look like such a bitch right now. What the fuck is with you?"

"Straight flush! Suck it!" Deidara grinned and threw his hand down. The other three crowded around and furrowed their brows together; Deidara was the unluckiest person out of all of them, so exactly how did _he_ end up with the best hand there was? Not only did he get the best hand, but he had successfully gotten himself out of even more debt. Either he cheated or something good in his past life caught up with him. Their youngest friend was a mystery, pure and simple, they gathered, as they sighed and pulled out their respective wallets.

"Too bad you didn't win that much," Pein smirked as Deidara held his hand out, grinning happily as the other three slapped money down into his outstretched palm. He had to admit, it was slightly heartwarming, not that he would ever admit it, to see him smile so brightly; even after losing his parents, ruining his life, and now getting kicked out of his apartment, the cheerful smile never deflated. Pein admired him (again, he would never admit that). He never met someone with that much resilience, someone who always had the 'fuck it' attitude with any obstacle and plowed through.

"Hey, you guys don't understand how much six thousand yen is, un!" Deidara spread the bills out and stared at them happily. Hidan looked at Pein and Kakuzu, both of whom had the faintest of genuine smiles on their lips as they looked at Deidara. He didn't care about Pein too much (all he knew was that Pein always looked professional and had a hot girlfriend) but for some reason, seeing Kakuzu look at Deidara like that pissed him off.

"What the fuck is with you two? You're looking at Deidara like you're in fucking love with him!" he snapped, keeping his glare on Kakuzu as he set his chair back up to its upright position and sat down. He sighed and tapped his fingers against the table impatiently, before hearing a giggle from his right and his head snapped towards the source. "The fuck you gigglin' at?"

"I have money, un!"

Pein blinked and pulled out his wallet, groaning as he felt something inside him twist. The fact that Deidara got so giddy over six thousand yen made him feel so incredibly guilty, considering he had much more than that just sitting around in his bank account. "Okay, this is way too pathetic. Deidara, I'll just _give_ you enough money for you to survive for the next couple of months. This is sad to watch you deteriorate to this state of happiness over six thousand yen."

"Oh no; don't, Pein." Kakuzu put a hand up to stop Pein and shook his head. "Deidara has to learn how to take care of himself." He cared for Deidara as a friend more than he would ever admit, but not enough to shelter him for the rest of his life. He couldn't wait to see how the blonde would act while living on the streets. He already made a map for Deidara of several subway stations and bus stops where he could sleep. Kakuzu had looked at his map in satisfaction; he was a very compassionate person.

"Well, before you get evicted and fix your fuck up by yourself…" Hidan grinned as he stood up and walked over to the refrigerator. He yanked it open and after a few moments, made a soft 'aha' sound, pulling something out and sat back down, placing it on the table. Two pairs of eyes glanced up at the object and instantly, worry clouded over Pein and Kakuzu. "Why don't we make your last few nights of having an actual place to live nice?"

Deidara was still too busy burying his nose in his money to notice that something had happened.

"Hidan…" Pein cleared his throat, "Last time…"

"Alcohol poisoning. Emergency room. A lot of money," Kakuzu said instantly, feeling his heart constrict as he remembered the terrible night. They had decided to drink and Hidan, as usual, went overboard; with each empty bottle chucked across the room, six more seemed to appear. Finally, he stood up drowsily, flipped everyone off, and collapsed. Deidara and Pein then completely freaked out and dragged him out of his apartment into Kakuzu's car, where Kakuzu then sped off to the hospital, worry and panic clouding his mind: _How much is this going to fucking cost?_

"No big deal, no big deal," Hidan waved his hand nonchalantly and pulled out four beers from the pack of six (Pein just knew there were more waiting somewhere in a cupboard), sliding one to each of the occupants at the table. Deidara finally stopped smelling his new found glory and pocketed his money safely, and held up the beer, examining it and nodding. He had meant to tell his friends that he might have found a place, but he decided not to. For one thing, he wasn't completely sure that he would get the apartment, but he also didn't feel like telling them any details. It was a Friday night and after meeting that jerk at the art store, he just wanted to get drunk and forget it all.

"Good beer, un."

"And so, we toast!" Hidan held up his as he grinned at his three friends; Deidara grinned in response and the other two were being lame and exchanged nervous glances. He smirked at Deidara. There was a reason they were best friends.

"Let's see who's going to the fucking emergency room this time!"

**Author's Notes: Is it just me or is this moving slowly? I'm trying to not rush this, but I feel like this is crawling at a snail's pace. I mean, day one in story land still isn't over… But I don't want to make each chapter excessively long (which this one ended up being because I am so tired of copy pasting scenes to the next chapter.) The goal was ~6000-7000 words a chapter, but this one hit ~9000… If the length hurts your eyes or stretches your attention span, please tell me… I can make it shorter next time.**

**As for the shots part, I don't know if some of the numbers are accurate (like sixteen shots to act drunk). I googled it, but didn't do any in depth research, so sorry if it was slightly (or very) off. Having never had any alcohol myself, I have no idea how effective vodka is, haha.**

**Hahaha, at the title. I had to rename it (had to move a scene back again) and as I was trying to come up with something, I realized both groups had alcohol. Thus, I named this chapter after alcohol (Probably not the best namesake. Oh hey, sake! …I'm not funny.)**

****I'm kind of a point in my writing life where it's no longer purely for enjoyment and I'm going to try to improve, so if you have any suggestions or critiques I would _love_ to hear them. Thank you for reading! Please review!****


	3. move in day

****.disclaimer : don't own.****

_**.chapter three : move in day.**_

Deidara stumbled his way through the hallways and leaned against the wall next to his door as he fished around in his pocket for his keys. Last night he had, as predicted, had a couple too many beers; Pein and Kakuzu each had two or three each and were still sober enough to make sure Deidara didn't let Hidan toss him out a window, but they made no attempt to stop the two from drinking six or seven bottles each.

"Motherfucker, un…" he growled as he heard a distant door slam, sending waves of pain pulsating through his head as the wall shook slightly. He was surprised that the building didn't fall down during rough storms; whoever built this building must have flunked college. He paused to lean his head against the cool wall for a moment. When the pain receded slightly, he pulled out the key his fingers brushed against and drowsily stabbed the doorknob a couple of times until it went in. Turning it, he shoved the door open, stumbled forward, and threw himself over the couch, laying in a soft heaven and covering his face with a pillow.

His entire body ached. Every muscle in his body screamed at him to just drop dead and stop moving, and his brain screamed back to stop screaming as waves of pain rolled throughout his body. Deidara groaned; he felt a need to roll over but that would only intensify his pain, so he stayed in his current position. Groggily, he cracked an eye open to look at the clock on the table. 9:47. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to plan out his day.

Five o'clock: meet some kid and his apartment.

Rest of the day: cure his hangover.

After a few minutes, he felt the pulsating waves of pain settle down slightly. He sighed and pushed himself off his couch and wandered over to the kitchen counter, where he then proceeded to pull open every drawer he saw, grumbling to himself. "Shit, I _know_ I have Advil or something in here, un… I should've jacked some of Hidan's morphine…"

As his blue eyes scanned the miscellaneous items (he briefly wondered if stabbing his hand would numb the pain in his head), his gaze finally fell on a bottle of ibuprofen and he managed a small, weak smile as he took it out and tried to uncap it. It took him a few moments (he was not pleased with the child-proof cap right now) but he managed to open it. He glanced around, avoiding the windows or anywhere that seemed bright, and pulled a water bottle out of one of the open cupboards and opened it, swallowing four pills. Something warned him that taking four pills wasn't a good idea but he didn't care about having to go to the hospital; all he wanted to get rid of was this damn hangover.

Stumbling over to his toaster, he slapped his hand around on the counter to look for the few pieces of bread he had left and popped them into the toaster, setting the timer longer than necessary to ensure they were burnt. As he waited for his bread to come out as burnt toast (the taste which he hated but he found it was one of the actually more effective remedies for a hangover), he slid down with his back against the counter as he held the bottle of water to his dry lips, taking a gulp every few seconds. By the time his breakfast was ready, he had finished the whole thing and was crawling around on the kitchen floor, looking for another one.

As he neared his door, he noticed a pack of 36 water bottles, the kind that one bought for about five hundred yen or so at a warehouse store, and a note attached. He grabbed the note and skimmed it, frowning in pain because his brain did _not_ want to be used to read something right now.

_Deidara—_

_ You drank too much again. I watched in satisfaction as you tried to high five yourself, miss, and slap yourself on both sides of your face._

_ Dropped off water. Drink it._

_ Kakuzu_

Deidara smiled slightly as he tore the plastic wrapping open and grabbed three bottles of water, holding them between his fingers as he crawled his way back to the toaster. He got on his knees and reached for the toast, cursing when his fingers brushed the hot metal, but grabbed the pieces of toast and laid down on the kitchen floor, enjoying his breakfast.

It wasn't very comfortable. His head hurt already from the hard floor, and he wondered just how dirty it was (he didn't recall ever cleaning the kitchen floor and he had been living here for almost a year.) He alternated between bread and water like a rhythm. One bit of bread was followed by up to three gulps of water, only pausing to open another bottle. By the time he finished, he felt better slightly. He could move his eyes without feeling like the back of them were going to snap or start bleeding and when he turned his head, his head didn't feel like splitting.

He closed his eyes and let his mind drift off. Instead of pain, alcohol, and Hidan's crappy apartment taking over his mind, it all gradually began to disappear until there was nothing left except darkness. Slowly, swirls began to appear, small and dull at first but as they grew larger and shinier, they morphed into things before morphing into a blob then into another item. At first they were simple shapes like triangles and circles, before evolving into more complex ones with more sides, some concave and some convex. Soon, he began to see curves taking place and details: colors, small cuts, decorations. The blue eyes opened slowly and he blinked a couple of times.

_It's pretty hard to distinguish between hallucination and inspiration sometimes, un._

He sighed before rolling himself over and getting on his knees, wincing slightly at the pain but thankful it wasn't nearly as splitting as before. He coughed a couple of times and grimaced; his apartment was disgusting. Maybe it was a good thing he was getting evicted. _Didn't seem too shitty at first, un…_ Deidara mused as he crawled the length of his studio apartment. The kitchen was at the front next to the door and the rest of the apartment was one room, with the exception of the bathroom which was on the right side, the door behind next to the mattress and pile of blankets (he never bothered to find an actual bed.) The far wall, which the mattress was pushed against into a corner, was a sliding glass door leading to the balcony, which had dead plants and miscellaneous things scattered onto it. At one point Deidara had started to grow his own garden of plants, but pretty soon he got bored of them and left them on the balcony, letting Nature take its course. Evidently, he noted as he saw the dry, brown leaves, Nature's course was not a favorable one.

The left of the apartment had a broken television stashed in the corner and covered by a maroon tablecloth and next to it laid his laptop, which he barely used nowadays. However, it was the only other electrical thing in his home (besides his phone, of course) that functioned, so he would occasionally turn it on to make sure it worked. Traveling against that wall and towards the front of the room was art; every single inch of it. Blank canvases used to be stacked in a pile next to the easel with completed ones against the wall, leaning against each other. Palettes, brushes, and tubes of colors strayed everywhere. Next to those items used to be several bags of clay of all sorts; however, only one bag remained next to the pottery wheel, which was also his convenient storing place for scalpels, wire, and other sculpting materials (he always proclaimed that pottery was at the very bottom of sculpting and he was far beyond that level.)

Finally, he reached the small wooden table and the stool next to the wheel. He climbed onto it and grabbed the bag of clay (almost falling off the chair in process) and lugged it onto the table. As he leaned over to grab wire and a couple of sculpting materials, he saw some old sculptures he had finished. His fingers grazed against them and he smirked slightly; they were sculptures of people in typical poses or insects. Once he had made several hands with the intention of freaking someone out. He discovered that by placing clay hands on one's bed in the darkness when he stumbles home drunk, it will lead to a blood curdling scream that would earn him the loss of clay rights for two weeks.

As he pulled down the plastic and cut off half of the remaining clay, he began to play around with it absentmindedly, trying to come up with something to create. He never liked to force inspiration; thus, he never thought about what to make when he played around. He would mold the clay into random shapes as he softened it, and wait for something to come in mind. Sometimes it took minutes, sometimes it took hours, once it took days before he stopped folding the clay over and over again to get rid of air bubbles. Inspiration couldn't be forced, Deidara has philosophized once (he was rambling to Hidan once while he was completely drunk and he decided to tell him about his art process). It had to come naturally because the most beautiful things aren't manmade; they're almost ethereal. Humans will never be able to come up with an idea as beautiful as something that Nature created; they had to rely on inspiration from Mother Nature herself.

Hidan then laughed at him, told him he got drunk way too often, and handed him another beer.

He paused and tilted his head when he realized what he had been doing with his clay. He had initially meant to make it into a sphere, but somehow it ended up in more of an oval shape with a smaller oval at one side, resembling a bird. He frowned and stared for a bit longer. Instead of the image of the clay before his eyes, he suddenly saw the image of a bird with its wings spread apart as if it was flying freely.

_Freedom._

His fingers nimbly molded the clay into a more definite shape, creating more edges in the originally smooth ovals so it would resemble something more like a bird's body. He placed it to the side and cut off a bit more clay, and began to get rid of the air bubbles with intense concentration, the image of the wings and tails already forming in his head.

People always told Deidara that they were jealous of him. He was smart and hardworking; he would be successful no matter what he chose. He never had to worry about keeping an A in a class or getting into his top college; he was the perfect student that would go through life without any obstacles.

Taking a scalpel, he cut out the rough shape of a wing and began pressing it with his fingers to make them smoother. Once they seemed to reach the shape he had in mind (rounded at the end that would be attached to the body and sharper at the edge), he took the scalpel again and made cuts along the edge and spread the slits apart. It wasn't a conventional bird with normal looking feathers layered on top of each other; the edges were rectangular and spread apart. As he completed the other wing in a similar fashion, he frowned, looking at the neck and decided he wanted the same fanned-edges effect around that as well.

Just because Deidara was born with a high IQ and a nearly photographic memory didn't mean his life was as simple as everyone made it seem. He was forced into this pedestal that he never wanted to be in. Once he was recognized as the genius, he had to stay there. What his classmates didn't know was that Deidara didn't study to keep A's in the class; it was so he could answer any questions he was asked so he never lost that "brilliant prodigy" visage. He would research topics that he had absolutely no interest in so he would never be at loss for an answer; he slaved over vocabulary words to prepare for standardized testing and to write scholarly essays; he spent countless hours applying for and researching about medical internships so he could get into the best one.

Taking the half slit piece of clay, he lifted it to the neck of the bird and made small crisscross cuts on the back and on the neck, then used water to attach it. His fingers began to press it down until it was seamlessly molded together, each edge symmetrical and lifted at the same angle. He took a small piece of clay he had cut off and began to mold a beak out of it, humming unconsciously.

Because as free as everyone thought he was, Deidara felt completely and utterly _trapped._ Trapped by the students that placed him on the pedestal, trapped by the teachers that told him he was one of the brightest students they ever had and he would make it far, trapped by his parents that continued to push him to succeed. He had no interest in the sciences, maths, languages, or history, all of which he excelled at. Instead, his true passion lay within art, the one thing he didn't start out a natural at. His first pots were misshapen and lumpy. However, his teacher told him he had promising potential because of one thing: the design ascetic. The ideas were good, his teacher would reassure him, he just needed to practice. Maybe that was why he fell in love with sculpture: he didn't start out at the top like he did for everything. He had to work to get to that level that everyone knew him for.

His headache was gone, Deidara realized with a start as he attached the beak and tail of the bird. Smiling, he began to work on the feet, rolling clay between his slender fingers and using a toothpick to make the crisscross marks to attach them. As his creation was finished, he stood up and headed over to the oven and preheated it to 220 degrees and whistled as he leaned against the counter and held his clay bird up so the light hit it directly. Not his best work, he mused as he turned it around to inspect it from all angles, but he supposed his standard of perfection could be lowered for this once. He woke up drunk with a nasty hangover then dragged his dehydrated ass over to his work station and spent the last two or so hours concentrating on sculpting this. Not his best work, but pretty good for someone who was hung over.

He glanced at the time. 11:40. He had time; his shows were usually half an hour to an hour and he had a good five hours and twenty minutes before he was to go to the person's house. He carefully placed the clay bird on the counter next to the stove and stretched before grabbing a bottle of water and laying down on the floor and closing his eyes as he listened to the ticking of the oven, a sound strangely soothing because of its rhythm but terrifying because to most people it sounded like a bomb.

There was something strangely comforting about laying down on a hard, dusty floor to Deidara. That had to be the reason why he frequently laid down there; maybe it was the smoothness of the floor or how he could see everything from a different perspective.

That, or it was just closer than his "bed."

**-X-x-X-**

"Oh fuck. Sweet Jashin, my head is going to fucking _explode_."

"Deidara does have several explosives. Would you care for one?"

Hidan growled as he turned to find Kakuzu to glare at him but instantly regretted moving his head as a sharp pain shot through him. Groaning, his hand shot out towards the nightstand for a bottle of water. As his fingers brushed against the glass, he picked it up and was about to drink it before the voice of reason, in the form of Kakuzu, interjected.

"Drinking water from a glass while laying down is not a good idea, moron."

Magenta eyes flicked over to the open door to his bedroom and he saw none other than Kakuzu lean against the doorframe and smirk as his arms were crossed against his chest. Instantly, Hidan scowled. There was nothing he despised more than seeing Kakuzu's smirk. For when mature, sensible, poker-faced Kakuzu smirked, that meant Hidan had screwed up big time and, probably, proving Kakuzu right on some point. And he _hated_ proving that bastard right.

"The fuck you doing here?" he spat, ignoring the waves of pain that rolled through his head as the sound of his own voice caused him to wince. Kakuzu shrugged and walked over, gently taking the glass of water from Hidan's hand and replaced it on the nightstand. He, quite loudly, dropped a bottle of Advil on the wooden nightstand and instantly Hidan recoiled from the sound, grabbing a pillow to hold over his face. "You are so fucking loud, man…"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and turned to leave, but instantly a hand shot out to stop him. Raising an eyebrow, the black eyes looked at the pale hand attached to the body with a pillow for a head. When Hidan felt Kakuzu stand still, he removed the pillow from his face and suddenly looked so much more tired. The eyes that were alert and angry a few moments earlier were now cloudy and half lidded. The normally pale and smug looking face now looked sickly white and sweat plastered strands of silver hair to the forehead. It was like all life was suddenly sucked out of him, as if years of drinking, partying, and gambling finally caught up to Hidan.

Kakuzu was not a kind person. In fact, Deidara was probably the only one he did nice things for without expecting money in return. But he couldn't help feeling a twinge of sympathy for Hidan; he looked so _pathetic_ (for a lack of a better word) that Kakuzu just couldn't walk off. He sighed and pulled the chair at the desk up to the bed and sat down by his religious friend. "You and Deidara had the brilliant idea to drink anything alcoholic last night. When I went to drop off some water at Deidara's this morning, he was still breathing so I left. Decided to check up on you."

"You stupid fuck head. Like I'd need your help!" though he saw Hidan talking and it was his voice and tone that delivered the line, Kakuzu still found pity for him. He was horribly hung over, in great pain, and probably embarrassed that he had to be taken care of as if he were a high school student that got drunk for the first time in his life. And so, Kakuzu did what any kind, sensible friend would have done at this point.

He took the glass of water and dumped it all over Hidan's face.

"_Argh! What the fuckin' hell was that for, you cock-sucking bag of shit?"_ Hidan instantly shot up, ignoring the pain that magnified throughout his entire body. Water dripped off his face and he clenched his teeth, gripping his sheets as he glared at Kakuzu angrily. Honestly, he had no idea why he didn't just let Kakuzu leave. It wasn't like he even wanted to spend time with the jerk. Out of all the people Hidan had met (quite a few), Kakuzu was easily the one that annoyed him the most for several obvious reasons (he was a jerk) and for other reasons he just couldn't explain.

"Your breath reeks of alcohol."

"Well if you were trying to get me to rinse, you fucking failed at it!"

Kakuzu shrugged and brushed a few strands of dark hair away from his eyes as he heard Hidan growl. He glanced at the clock saw it was 10:13; he had the whole day stretching in front of him to deal with Hidan. "Go take a cold shower. It'll help with your hangover."

As Hidan stood up and stomped off towards his bathroom (his willpower to get away from Kakuzu seemed to be stronger than the pain from the hangover), only pausing to grab a new change of clothes, Kakuzu headed into the kitchen. When he heard the shower get turned on, he smirked and ran the sink, waiting for a reaction.

"KAKUZU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE!"

"Making sure you found your way into the shower," he called and turned the water off. One of his favorite things about Hidan's apartment was that the shower water turned incredibly cold when the sink in the kitchen was running. He himself had fallen victim to this (he had once been incredibly desperate and was forced to stay over at Hidan's for a night) but he now knew the secret. Hidan always forgot about this when he showered with Kakuzu in his apartment.

He sighed and drummed his fingers along the counter as the other hand opened a drawer and searched for any more pills in it. The minute Hidan cleared his head he would instantly demand why Kakuzu was actually being nice for once and taking care of him. If Kakuzu were anyone else, he would say it was because he was worried about him and wanted him to feel better. But Kakuzu was Kakuzu.

He was the one that led Hidan suffer with a toothache for two weeks because he owed him two hundred yen and until he got it back, he refused to take Hidan to the dentist.

He was the one that watched Hidan make lemonade with a paper cut on his finger as revenge for tricking Kakuzu into buying him lunch.

He was the one that let Hidan's phone get cancelled because Hidan's check "accidentally" never got mailed out, to teach the idiot a lesson on meeting deadlines to pay bills (he was three days late in paying Kakuzu back a thousand yen).

Kakuzu was not a nice person by nature, particularly not towards Hidan. In fact, the only reason he was here was because Pein had blackmailed him. Somehow his friend had gotten a hold of Kakuzu's phone and forwarded a draft of a text he never sent to Hidan to his phone.

_"You wouldn't."_

_ "I would." Pein grinned devilishly as he held his phone up to Kakuzu, watching as the dark haired man reread the text for the umpteenth time, as if he couldn't believe that someone had read it. He had gotten incredibly drunk one night and was going to tell Hidan something, but he managed to regain his senses before hitting send. However, not wanting to just delete it, he saved it in his drafts, feeling so secure that no one would ever know because his phone was password protected and it was changed on a daily basis._

_ However, Pein had mentioned he minored in computer science in college and, as a result through that and other classes, he could essentially hack any electronic device he wished. Unfortunately, Kakuzu found out about this after his phone was hacked._

_ "What do you want?" Kakuzu sighed in defeat, "I'll pay whatever you want for you to delete that and swear to never hack my phone again." His wallet was halfway out already and his heart in two at the thought of losing money, but Pein shook his head and held up his hand. It was quiet for a few moments and Kakuzu thought Pein had changed his mind and would let Kakuzu off the hook, with the exception of a few jokes. However, when he looked up, all hopes of that shattered._

_ "I don't need your money."_

_ "…Don't make me dance in a chicken suit." This was as close as Kakuzu ever got to begging._

_ Pein chuckled darkly, smirking as he enjoyed this power he had over Kakuzu. He used to roll his eyes at Deidara and Hidan when they talked about blackmailing someone and enjoying the sense of power, but he could relate to them for once. There was something strangely satisfying about knowing one had the power to completely destroy one's reputation, especially when it was someone as arrogant as Kakuzu. "Just one thing."_

_ "I'll do anything."_

_ "Go take care of Hidan and his hangover."_

And as a result, Kakuzu was here. When Hidan asked, Kakuzu figured he would make something up about leaving a couple of bills in his apartment and he wanted to find them. Taking care of his friend's drunken state was just extra. As he heard the bathroom door slam open and he saw Hidan wander in in boxers and a towel around his neck, he sighed as a cursing stream of words instantly left the silver haired man's mouth, mainly about how Kakuzu was a jerk.

He glanced at the clock again. 10:29. The rest of the day seemed like eternity to Kakuzu at the thought of having to spend it with Hidan. Oftentimes, half an hour with him was just too much; he had no idea how he would spend the next seven hours and thirty one minutes.

_I hate texting._

**-X-x-X-**

Deidara nodded in satisfaction as he picked up his clay bird, stroking his chin thoughtfully and smirking. He never thought about making his own trademark bird but it wouldn't be a bad idea, he reasoned as he turned the sculpture over in his hands. He frowned as he noticed a tiny bump he hadn't before and shrugged before carefully placing it in a duffel bag where there were several other sculptures and explosives. He liked the design but the execution was awful; if he was going to keep a sculpture, it had to be so beautifully crafted that even he wouldn't blow it up.

He took a quick glance at the clock before he picked up his duffel bag and slung it over his shoulder. 12:37. His stomach was just as empty as his house, he noted dryly as he heard an angry growl. He looked around and rested a hand on his suitcase which now contained all of his belongings. The mattress was empty and the small pile of clothes that he rewore over and over again was gone; everything was stashed messily into the suitcase. The paints, brushes, palettes, and sculpting materials were in there as well and the disassembled pottery wheel rested in another duffel bag that rested on top of the burgundy suitcase, his hand clutching both handles at once. The bathroom was even emptier to begin with; the toothbrush, toothpaste, and towel were messily stuffed away and the empty bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash were still there. He decided to leave a few mementos for Karin to deal with; he wouldn't deprive her of disappearing all at once.

_Time for a show, un._

Kicking the bottom of the suitcase, Deidara headed towards his door and slipped his one and only pair of sneakers on. He maneuvered himself through the door, standing still in the hallway as he heard the door close slowly, a gust of cool air behind him. As the lights flickered above him in the grimy hallway, he expelled a thin stream of breath and closed his eyes as he began to walk towards the end of the hallway towards the elevator. With shaking hands, he pressed the down button and waited, feeling his heart begin to race.

_Am I really going to do this, un? If it all messes up, I am so screwed…_

The thought occupied his head as he stepped into the elevator, leaving the suitcase upright and pressed the button to go to the lobby. He returned his hand to the handle of his luggage as the doors slid closed and he faced his reflection in the dull, silver doors. At the bottom of his pile of clothing he had found a clean grey t shirt and dark wash jeans which he decided to wear today. He always liked to look decent for his shows; the fact that his hair was brushed and half of it was up in a high, half ponytail proved it. It was his signature look; he would hear people talk about the "blue eyed, blonde hair in a half ponytail boy that blew stuff up" around the park. He would always smirk as he passed by, keeping his eyes down, feeling an unexplainable surge of pride swell in his chest. He liked to know people knew him for his art. It made him unique and memorable; everyone lived, but not everyone was memorable. And life was so fleeting that people had to make the most of it to be remembered.

"Karin, I've got something important to say to you, un."

Sometime in his daydreaming at the idea of people talking about today's show for weeks to come, he had arrived at his intended destination: Karin's office. Not really an office, it was more like a desk with a plant and a filing cabinet in the back in the only room in the entire complex without cracks in the wall. Karin had jumped slightly when he threw the door open, letting it slam until the wall. He smirked; that would be sure to leave a crack or a mark.

"Huh? You've got a day left you know. Unless you can come up with, like, seven months worth of rent…" Karin pushed her glasses up and looked at him, frowning slightly. She had paperwork in her hands and Deidara assumed it was his paperwork, which she was looking forward to rip up in front of him as she kicked him out. However, he was going to beat her to the punch. No one threw Deidara out of his apartment. Deidara threw himself out of his apartment.

"I'm leaving this shithole, un," he announced proudly, looking smug with his chin up, "And I'd also like to add that you are the most rude and manly woman I have ever met, un. You and your asymmetrical flamboyant pink hair; you look like someone put a blushing flamingo on your head and shaved half of it off, un."

He grinned as he watched Karin grip the pen in her hand tightly and begin to shake with anger. He had always been decently polite to her because otherwise she would have kicked him out after missing three payments. But flirting only got him about four extra months and once Karin figured out that he wasn't really into her gender, she got incredibly insulted and had a personal vendetta against him ever since.

_"Do you know how demoralizing it is to know only gay men flirt with me?"_

_ "Hey, you should be flattered that someone as gorgeous as me would even give you the time of day, lady, un!"_

That had been one of his favorite moments while living here. She had slapped him and turned off his water and heat for a week, but it was completely worth it.

"No wonder you're still single at this age, un! I mean, look at you! You're short, your fashion sense is weird, you beat up any guy that moves, you obsessively stalk a Uchiha Sasuke kid who clearly has a girlfriend with better pink hair than yours, and you dropped out of high school, un," Deidara continued his tirade. Karin was turning angrier by the second and at one point he had heard her palms slam down on the desk as she stood up. His blue eyes twinkled; he was enjoying this.

"And the way you treat me is absolutely horrendous. Yeah, you charge nice, cheap rates for people like me that have no job but need a place to crash, but you use it to your advantage, un. You threaten me with no heat or water in exchange for dango or cleaning your office or a date. Nothing personal, but I really don't like you that way, for more than one reason, un. You laugh like a witch and crow like a, well, crow, and lady, you seriously need to stop stalking the Uchiha kid, un." Deidara finished with a huff and grinned, standing proudly. "So now, Karin, I say goodbye, un. Because I'm finally getting out of this pig sty and I'm glad I'll never have to see your face again."

With a two finger salute, he winked and turned around, trying to leave with as much dignity as he could, considering he had three pieces of luggage that bounced off his body awkwardly every time he moved. As he pushed his way through the door and dragged his stuff down the steps, he sighed and, once again, stood on the busy streets of Tokyo, earning curious glances from people passing by. Behind the closed doors, he heard something get thrown and hit the wall, a signal that if he came back, his head would be thrown against the wall.

He supposed he should have made sure he had gotten the apartment before he left in such an extravagant manner. However, the thought of telling her off just appealed to him _so much._ He couldn't wait, plain and simple. Now, he decided, he _had_ to get that apartment. He would just waltz in and settle in so the other person couldn't chase him out. Besides, Deidara thought as he began heading in the general direction of the park, people liked him eventually. He was charismatic, entertaining, and made free sculptures as gifts when needed. Who could hate him?

Besides Karin, but the only person Karin liked was Uchiha Sasuke.

Deidara scowled as people occasionally bumped into his stuff and he tightened his grip. He had been trying to avoid hitting people, but now it was just unavoidable; he would keep walking without hesitation. People would move for _him_, not the other way around. He bluntly trudged up the grey pavement, ignoring the glares that people sent his way. He smirked in response. _Keep glaring and I'll literally blow you away, un._

One thing Deidara would miss about his current apartment was the proximity to the park. It was about a ten minute walk and the address that he would be moving to would be probably twenty or thirty minutes away. He turned into the park entrance and headed towards the open field where he typically exploded his art. As he strolled around the gravel path, there was something happening on either side of him. On one side was the soccer field, where kids were playing and the playground was next to it. Deidara smiled slightly, seeing mothers push their children swings and catching them as they came down the slide. On the other was a pond where people were playing with their toy boats, cackling as they made other boats sink cruelly.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he paused to fish it out. Glancing at the screen, he instantly felt his stomach constrict as he pressed it up to his ear. He didn't mind the person that was calling, he just didn't want to talk to her because every time he did, the lies made him feel nauseous. "Hey, Ino."

"How's my genius soon-to-be-a-doctor brother doing?" a cheery voice came through the phone, causing Deidara to cringe from guilt. He hadn't meant to lie to Ino about everything, but it was just easier to deceive her than tell her the truth. His decision to drop everything was spontaneous; he hadn't considered how it would affect his sister's view of him. "Can I visit you soon? I'm getting bored here at aunt and uncle's and I could use your help on organic chem…."

_Shit. Shit shit shit, un. She can't visit me out on the streets, un… shit…_

"Deidara?" the voice prompted him again and Deidara began to think fast. Now more pressure than ever was on him to make sure he got the apartment and he would probably have a couple of hours to make it seem like he had been living there for a year. But when to let her come over? He couldn't say next week because that would seem suspicious, but he couldn't say right now because he was currently homeless.

"Day after tomorrow good for you, un?" he found himself saying. After he heard a bright response and something about bringing a friend, she disappeared from the line, leaving Deidara to continue walking through the park, although at a much slower rate this time. His head suddenly felt like it did this morning; he was racking his brain to remember every single lie he had told her this past year so he wouldn't slip up when she came to visit. He growled and turned into a large, empty area. No kids played here; only a few couples laid on blankets but when they saw him, they moved aside instantly as he headed towards the center.

Deidara was an honest person. He usually chose not to lie unless it was important, like to Ino. He believed the truth was essential, no matter how harsh it was. Relationships couldn't be built on lies; if they were, they were bound to crumple sooner or later. But Deidara always made an exception for his little sister. They got into fights all the time, but he was always her protector and her role model. He didn't want to lose her too; she was one of the few people left that connected him to his past life.

As he dropped his stuff down, he noticed people gathering around him already. Funny how no one recognized him without his duffel bag but when he had it, they crowded around him like he was an animal to observe. He smiled slightly; he could worry about Ino later. He had to focus on the present, and right now, he had people to entertain.

He turned around, grinning widely at his audience that was growing bigger by the second. Excited whispers went through the crowd as they always did when he showed up. The ordinary bored people, but the extraordinary always garnered attention and Deidara was, for sure, extraordinary.

"Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a show, un!"

**-X-x-X-**

"How's your new dorm working out for you?"

Zetsu looked at Sasori in surprise as the two walked into the park, both wearing scarves and a jacket to keep them warm from the cold air. That morning after waking up surprisingly not drunk (turns out Sasori threatened him with his new seeds to not drink anymore so he didn't have to be dragged home), Sasori helped Zetsu to move his stuff out. As they packed things up ,which took much longer than needed because Sasori insisted on folding every article of clothing, Sasori told Zetsu of Itachi and Kisame's plans for his new roommate. Zetsu had cracked up before putting on a poker face after seeing Sasori's glare.

"It's all right. Not as nice as your apartment, but I guess I can deal with it. **I'll send a Venus fly trap after anyone that pisses me off,**" Zetsu answered. He had a roommate but he wasn't there when he was unpacking his things. It wasn't too shabby of a room: the walls were intact, it didn't smell horrible, the furniture didn't look like it was going to fall apart, and the beds had no fleas or anything that he discovered while checking it over. It was a bit small but Zetsu would spend most of his time at the library or the greenhouse. Not to mention it was a corner room, so he would be at peace, assuming his roommate wasn't too loud. "Excited to meet your new roommate?" he asked as he changed the topic, grinning over at Sasori.

At this, Sasori instantly scowled. "I'm thinking about not being home at five and going drinking or something," he muttered and kicked a pebble as he continued to walk. He still wasn't sure how he allowed himself to share an apartment with Zetsu but the arrangement hadn't turned out too poorly. Zetsu didn't irritate him that much and allowed Sasori to continue his weird habits (such as walking around the apartment at midnight staring at a hand as he ate a sandwich. Zetsu had long ago given up understanding him.) But he was sure that he would only get one roommate that he would get along with and that was Zetsu. Being a misanthrope by nature, he did not look forward to this new roommate.

"Oh? Sasori choosing to go drinking? **Damn this punk must be a real bitch to deal with.** Have you met him already?" As far as Zetsu knew, Sasori never willingly went drinking by himself unless he was incredibly stressed out. Sasori found no point in drinking to forget one's troubles and putting off the inevitable; he always dealt with his problems head on and solved them instantly, always choosing logic over his own preferences. Zetsu thought this was a rather stupid way to go about things; he had seen Sasori's face when he walked into the apartment, took a look at his puppets, and headed off towards his quiet study room to do homework. He just wanted to see Sasori relax and have fun. Life was incredibly long like Sasori believed, but that didn't mean that one should work his entire life and enjoying it only moments before he died; one should take advantage of the longevity and enjoy it. But, Sasori was stubborn and would never listen to Zetsu. So he never bothered telling him his feelings.

"Haven't met him yet. But just the thought of rooming with someone else irritates me," Sasori sighed and looked up, frowning. Up ahead was a tall, orange haired man with a blue haired woman that looked strangely familiar. Zetsu noticed Sasori's fixated gaze on the two before him and he followed it, his eyes widening.

"Hey! That's Konan! **And her new man! Let's go mess with them!** KONAN!" Sasori winced as Zetsu yelled their friend's name and ran ahead, waving. Zetsu was normally calm and would never yell and run but, Sasori assumed as he followed him at a much slower pace, it was probably his other personality taking over. The blue haired woman turned around and grinned. Sasori smirked and nodded in acknowledgement as the other person turned around.

"Nice piercings," he said instantly once within earshot. "I'm Sasori."

"Nice red hair," the orange haired man smirked, "I'm Pein. Nice to meet you."

"He's good for you, Konan. He's not afraid to speak his mind." Sasori chuckled as Konan flushed and hit his arm gently, glaring lightly, but she laughed. The redhead smirked. As long as he had known Konan, she had always been level headed and stubborn, rejecting any guy that dared to approach her and ask her out. However, right now she looked just like a giddy schoolgirl that got to stand in the same proximity as her crush. Sasori always believed that love was pointless; it turned smart people like Konan into blubbering idiots.

"I'm Zetsu! **I am too. Hurt her and I'll hurt you.**"

"Multipersonality disorder," Konan nudged Pein as he raised an eyebrow at the two different voices coming from the same body. He mouthed an 'ah' and nodded politely, raising an eyebrow at his appearance, noting the half pale and half dark skin along with the green hair and yellow eyes. His gaze then flitted to Sasori, feeling slightly intimidated; he was short but seemed daunting. Reminded him of his own short (despite Deidara's protests that he was not that short) but intimidating (especially when it came to art) friend. _And I thought my friends were weird._

"So what brings you to the park?" Konan asked, looking at the two, beaming happily. She always felt that the most important part in keeping a boyfriend was making sure her friends liked them and, despite Sasori's facial expression, it seemed that two of her four friends were okay with him. Konan always chose friends over a potential boyfriend, no matter how attached she would feel attached to him. Boyfriends were temporary; friends were permanent, was her motto.

"Bored," Sasori answered and flicked his eyes to his right, frowning. "What's with the crowd there? Is there some kind of a magic show?"

"Heh? You haven't heard about him?" Konan asked, surprised that Sasori of all people wouldn't be aware of the park's famous artist, "It's an art show! Not a regular one like you're used to, Sasori, but apparently there's this kid that blows up things and it's really cool. Pein says he's friends with him too."

"Blowing things up is considered art…?" Sasori furrowed his brow and looked at Pein with a questioning gaze. The idea was unfathomable to him; why would someone blow something up that took so much effort and time to make? It irritated him more that while he had no time to even think about his puppets, someone else had enough time to not only make them but also the audacity to blow them up.

Pein smirked, nodding. "My friend… is rather eccentric. Smart kid but not very logical. But it makes him happy and it's his passion and it _does_ do for a good show." Personally he had no problem with Deidara's art; it made him happy and seemed to be one of the only shining beacons of his life. And it was entertaining; it was like Deidara was the epitome of the little person in everyone that wanted to blow something up. Watching something get blown up into smithereens offered some kind of relief from the daily stress of living.

On more than one occasion had Pein given Deidara a picture of someone's head, demanded he sculpt it, and then blow it up. He'd never admit it, but it was one of the best stress relievers he knew of. He had also watched papers of a closed business deal go up in flames on occasion. Deidara confided that he would always watch Pein's reaction; his favorite part about his shows when he blew someone else's things up was watching the reaction. Everyone needed a way to let things out and Deidara liked to think of himself as the vessel.

"I believe he's about to start," Pein added, glancing at his watch and turned to the right, looking upwards. The other three followed suit and after a few moments, Sasori saw a sculpture fly up into the air and blow up into smithereens. He had no idea how whoever this person did it, but he must have managed to calculate everything; when it exploded in midair, he was so sure someone was going to get hit. However, the explosion seemed to be large enough to explode the rather small sculpture but small enough so pieces didn't go flying more than a few meters. He would have approached him to see who this physics-genius was, but the crowd prevented him from even glimpsing at the "artist"; all he could do was watch his "art."

His scowl deepened as he watched sculpture after sculpture go up; all in all there were probably four or five. Larger ones were not thrown up into the air but still blown up, judging by the audience's reaction and the explosions. Each sculpture that was blown up seemed to drive a knife deeper into him. This moron had the time to do what he wished he could and then he threw it all away by blowing it up?

"Does he calculate everything?" Sasori asked, glancing at Pein who was smirking at each sculpture that blew up midair, the only thing remaining of them were smithereens and smoke, "Or is it pure luck that he hasn't killed anyone?"

"He calculates everything. Projectile height of shattered pieces and force of explosions to ensure that nothing will hit someone. Sometimes it's a bit off but the worst that's happened was a small shard in an eye. The person didn't mind too much; he said he was a small sacrifice for the show," Pein answered. Pein had never known Deidara until that day at the bar, but he had no problem believing that Deidara was a genius. He had seen some of the math scrawled onto pieces of paper before he headed off to a show. He had seen the diagrams and different sized explosives; his art wasn't as crazy and unplanned as most people thought. He put in a lot of thought to make sure it was safe and enjoyable.

He found it kind of ironic that Deidara put so much time and precision into his art show, which was supposed to symbolize something fleeting and impromptu. When he asked Deidara about it, the blonde agreed but said that in public, the public safety was his top concern. However when he was alone, Deidara trailed into silence and smirked. Pein didn't want to press for more details.

"One more," he added when Konan tugged at his sleeve as if to ask if that was all. She nodded and stared at the sky again, waiting patiently. He snuck a glance at her and smirked. The Konan he had met was feisty and stubborn, but after they started dating, he discovered a quieter, calmer side to her. That wasn't to say that she was no longer feisty; of all the people Pein had ever met, Konan was the one he never wanted to anger.

Zetsu chuckled as the crowd began to whisper in anticipation for the finale. "Hey Sasori, imagine if you had to room with this person. What would you do?"

"Die," Sasori answered immediately. As he watched the final sculpture go up in the air, he squinted and saw it was a bird. It wasn't as detailed as some of the other things that had gone up in the air, he noted; the only design was the odd feathers. However, once the explosive went off, he could see why this was the finale.

Along with the shards that went exploding in every direction, colors also flew through the air. Paints had been added in moments before it was sent up, since he could see distinct colors through the air instead of a muddled brown. Shades of red, orange, green, blue, and violet went everywhere, showering down like a rain of paint. In a way, Sasori supposed this was artistic, as he wiped a dot of red paint off his cheek. This took creativity and pushed the norms of art and he respected that. But this person _blew things up_. Things that took effort, time, and inspiration. He couldn't help but feel it was almost mocking. Art was something eternal, something meant to last into the future. If this person was taking pictures it would be slightly better. But all he was doing was blowing things up; what was the point in that?

"That," Konan breathed in awe, "was _so_ cool."

"…Am I really friends with you?"

"Lighten up, Sasori!" Zetsu clapped Sasori on the back, sending the scowling man forward a few steps, "Kind of cool, isn't it? **You never wanted to blow anything up?"**

"Do you count?" he grumbled, shooting a glare at Zetsu, "Be glad we no longer room together. Otherwise you'd have to watch your back all the time."

At this, Pein's ears perked up. He remembered last night Deidara mentioning that he needed a new place to live. He was banned from giving him money, but Kakuzu never said anything about finding him a place to live. "Are you looking for a new roommate?" he inquired politely. He did just hear Sasori say he would die if he roomed with Deidara, but everyone had his qualms about Deidara at first.

"I already have someone coming over at five," Sasori sighed, looking irritated as he scratched the back of his head. The artist and his show still was on his mind; it was so disturbing that he had a feeling he would be thinking about it for a while. "Sorry. I'm not exactly looking for a roommate anyway."

He shrugged. "It's fine. Good luck with your roommate," he added and Sasori smirked in response.

"Oh crap, we have to go," Konan glanced at her phone, smiling apologetically at the two, "I asked Kisame and Itachi if they wanted to meet Pein today at a late lunch and we're going to be late soon. It was fun seeing you guys today though!" she called as she dragged Pein past them and towards the exit where she was going to hail a cab. As he and Zetsu waved, Sasori glanced at the crowd again, noticing most people were heading towards a bag and dropping a few bills in before leaving. The artist was nowhere to be seen but Sasori decided he could live without meeting this monster.

"Hey Sasori. You want to go gambling?" Zetsu asked. "It's two; you've got three hours before your new roommate is going to visit. I know you're heartbroken that I'm leaving. One last gambling trip with your friend Zetsu? **And because I depend on you to make sure I don't lose all my money.**" Zetsu grinned at Sasori's impassive look. By nature he wasn't particularly lucky, but with Sasori he almost always meant to make a small profit.

"Stop talking about him like he's going to live there. I refuse to let him live there."

"You're going to cast a poor kid out on the streets? **Well, you are Sasori after all.**"

Sasori glared at Zetsu lightly before sighing. He wanted nothing else than to return to his apartment and enjoy his last few hours of solitude before meeting the person sent by Kisame and Itachi to ruin his life, but he supposed he owed to Zetsu. Today was their last day together as roommates and Sasori did miss the atmosphere of a casino… Something about being surrounded by idiots playing with luck instead of counting cards like he did made him feel relaxed. There was something about the paradoxical security of knowing he wouldn't lose all his money and the thrill of doing something illegal that enticed him. He smirked.

"Let's go."

**-X-x-X-**

"Kisame?" Itachi prompted, looking up from his menu at his friend who was staring at him stupidly. They were to meet Konan and her new boyfriend for a late lunch and they had arrived early. Being males that had a close female friend, they took their responsibilities as friends very seriously. Sasori and Zetsu seemed more relaxed, but the four had an unspoken agreement: they would protect Konan from any guy that wasn't good for her. She was usually a very level headed person, but around a guy that she liked she followed her heart instead of her mind, something that sometimes didn't end up being a very good decision.

"Kisame." Itachi tried again, frowning. His friend was acting weird again. This morning, Itachi had woken up to find Kisame tapping away at his computer, working on their project. What was odd with that was that Kisame was working on homework and had woken up earlier than Itachi, who woke up at six in the morning. And it was a Saturday; if Kisame did wake up early for some odd reason, he would take advantage of his day off by swimming. Not by doing homework.

"H-huh? Itachi? Something the matter?" Kisame snapped out of his trance. He had to do something about this crush; it was making him do weird things. To be honest, he wanted to know why Itachi hadn't figured it out yet. When he was in high school and saw someone staring stupidly at someone else and stuttering around them, that was the equivalent of the word 'CRUSH' floating right over his head. And Itachi was an extremely intelligent man.

"Do you need more sleep?" Itachi asked, frowning slightly and worry creasing his face. When Kisame shook his head vigorously, he nodded in acceptance and looked back down at his menu. Kisame blinked and bit his lip. Something he would regret saying was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't help it. It was eating him up on the inside and he was going to _explode._

"Itachi, I—!"

"Oh look, they have mushroom risotto. Isn't that your favorite?" Both voices began speaking at the same time, but Itachi hadn't noticed Kisame's flustered expression and faint blush on his skin. He looked up, waiting for a response, and Kisame deflated.

"Y-yeah. Thanks for telling me, Itachi," he muttered and dropped his eyes to his menu. He remembered having crushes before; they were pointless and annoying. All they did to one was mess with his head but never before had the butterflies in his stomach fluttered so _hard_ as they do around Itachi. It was slightly nauseating when he thought about it. Thus, as a result, he decided to stop thinking. Act like how he normally did around Itachi and wait for this to pass. Because, as he had observed in high school, no relationship was worth sacrificing a friendship for.

"So Sasori's roommate is to visit him today. What do you expect will happen?" he asked Itachi nonchalantly. As long as he didn't look at Itachi or think about him, he found that the butterflies in his stomach relaxed. But he realized that it would be hard to continue being friends with Itachi if he refused to look or think about him.

"You know who Sasori is going to room with?" Konan asked as she slid into the booth next to Kisame and Pein took a seat next to Itachi. Sometime during their conversation the two had arrived; both glanced up and nodded in acknowledgement. One thing Konan learned about men was that their favorite way of greeting was a nod. "And Pein, this is Kisame and Itachi." She looked at the three and immediately, her lips twitched as she struggled to keep from smiling. Just now she realized that she was in the company of three startling similar men; quiet, serious, mature, and scary. She felt like she was traveling with body guards.

"You knew of Sasori getting a roommate?" Kisame answered Konan's question with his own, raising an eyebrow incredulously. "…Itachi, did you tell her?" As far as he knew, only Itachi, Zetsu, Sasori, and himself knew of this. Konan was a close friend but recently she had been bogged down with homework and projects that she didn't meet up with her friends.

"We met Sasori today at the park," Konan explained their looks, "along with Zetsu. He mentioned that someone would be stopping by around five. I introduced them to Pein! What did you think of them?"

"Odd. But considering my friends, still normal," Pein answered, taking a sip of his water. These two seemed more normal; they hadn't been loud and obnoxious yet. He was pleased; he looked forward to having more friends like Kakuzu. He needed more friends that acted mature and his age.

"Yes. We expect he will make Sasori's life a living hell. That is what we are hoping for," Itachi answered and closed his menu, setting it down carefully on the table.

Maybe they weren't as mature as he thought.

Konan frowned and looked from Kisame to Itachi. "You guys purposely found Sasori someone that would piss him off?" At their nods, she looked at them incredulously again. "…What possessed you to do that? What has Sasori ever done to you?" To her, Sasori was like the little brother she never had. He was short and looked like a little brother and she always felt overprotective around him. He always reprimanded her but she ignored him and continued doting on him.

Itachi shrugged. "Sasori needs more interaction with people and the only way for him to break out of his shell is to be in close proximity with someone that is the exact opposite of him. We got a call yesterday night; he's also a fellow artist and, unlike Sasori, likes people and life. It will be good for Sasori."

Pein blinked and looked up slowly at the word 'artist' and remembered Deidara and his situation. Deidara hadn't mentioned anything about finding somewhere to stay last night, but last night his preoccupation was with the six thousand yen he won and the beer so Pein wasn't surprised he didn't think about the important matter of housing. "Did he tell you his name?"

"…Nope," Kisame muttered before groaning. While he had no problem sending someone over to Sasori's house to drive him crazy, he decided it probably would have been a good idea to make sure the person wasn't a serial killer. Asking for a name probably would be the first question but the two had neglected to do that, too focused on making sure Sasori's life turned upside down to make sure he stayed alive. "Itachi…"

"You're sending a complete stranger to Sasori's house? What if he gets killed? It'll be all your fault! Who am I going to ask for help when Sasori's dead?" Konan's voice rose several decibels as she glared at the two, who looked down shamefully like puppies.

Pein looked at his menu silently as Konan began to admonish Kisame and Itachi of being so careless and smirked. Sasori and Deidara couldn't be more opposite from his impression of Sasori today. Sasori already made it clear he wouldn't like to have Deidara as a roommate and, knowing Deidara, Sasori's arrogant attitude would drive him insane.

He took a sip of water, the smirk never leaving his face as the waitress came by, looking strangely at Konan who was still yelling and Pein who was still smirking to himself.

_Have fun, Deidara._

**-X-x-X-**

Deidara had gotten fans from his shows. People have come up to him and praised him and some have asked for sculpting lessons. Usually he obliged, giving them a quick thirty minute lesson on the basics before sending them on their merry way or telling them to come back next week. He liked to help people with art; the only thing that made him happier than watching others grin at creating their own art was blowing his own up.

But he had never gotten a stalker.

"Kid, leave me alone, un!"

"Senpai! Tobi wishes to be your pupil!"

Deidara growled as he trudged along, occasionally glancing at the streets to make sure he didn't miss the one on the flyer. After his show, he had spent about two and a half hours talking to people about how he made his art, his inspiration for blowing things up, and just general tips for sculpting. He had noticed Tobi hiding behind a bush staring at him but decided to ignore it; he never trusted people with eye patches anyway.

"Leave me alone, okay, un?" he stopped and whirled around, glaring as Tobi bumped into him. He stumbled back and rubbed his nose in pain, his single red eye blinking innocently at Deidara. "Whatever you want to know, I can help you with next week. But I have somewhere to go right now, un."

"Where is senpai going?" Tobi inquired, blinking widely. He had seen Deidara blow things up at the park before but had never gotten the courage to go up and talk to him. As a physics major and a senior at Tokyo University as an undergrad, watching things blow up in the air and Deidara's smug look amazed him. A piece of paper had blown away once and Tobi caught it and the calculations on it made his head spin; and _he_ was the physics major. Ever since then, he had always strolled by to watch the physics that helped make the art come alive.

Tobi had picked up a couple of sculpting classes but he was nowhere as good as Deidara was. Thus, swallowing his fear, he decided to approach him and ask him for help.

"Away from you, un."

Unfortunately, Deidara did not seem too fond of Tobi.

"Waaait! Senpaiii!"

Deidara cringed and stopped walking, throwing his head back and looking up to the sky for help as Tobi caught up with him. Something about the wailing pierced him; not in a good way, more like he would stop just to make sure the whining would as well. "Senpai! Tobi is an undergrad at Tokyo University and thinks your art is beautiful! Especially the way that senpai uses physics in it; Tobi is bogged down by regular planes and helicopters and missiles for projectile motions. However, senpai uses physics in his art and Tobi thinks it is beautiful! Tobi wants to know how to make physics art too!"

Sometime during that poorly executed speech, something had garnered Deidara's attention. He frowned as he looked at Tobi's eager face, scrutinizing it. A physics major meant an analytical, logical mind; the kind that usually wasn't willing to become a creative, illogical mind that art would depend on. Deidara was a biochemistry and physics double major; he remembered all the strict boundaries and little room for imagination that the physics major enforced. So to see someone who was a senior and still a physics major and wasn't a human calculator gave him hope. Who was he to deprive a fellow science major of art?

"…Tomorrow. This address, un. Six. Bring pizza," he grabbed Tobi's hand and scrawled the apartment's address on it and instantly he grimaced. _Third reason to make sure I get this place. Sending this kid to a stranger's house is just cruel; I can't risk that._

"Thank you senpai!"

Deidara nodded tiredly as Tobi skipped off and disappeared among the sea of people. He smirked slightly and continued along his way, glancing at the numbers on the building occasionally. He always met interesting people at his shows, but Tobi definitely took the prize. No matter how annoying someone was, Deidara would never deny them an opportunity to experience art.

"Where's the damn… ah," he reached the apartment complex and looked up in amazement. Leading up the concrete steps was a revolving door and the building stretched upwards towards the sky; it was nicer than any apartment complex Deidara could have imagined. As he dragged his stuff up the stairs and pushed through the doors, he was enveloped by the soft atmosphere of the lobby. The Persian carpet matched the pale beige walls; to the left was a lounge area with a flat screen television and a couple of vending machines and to the right was a concierge desk. It felt like a hotel, but seeing the mail boxes that he walked past when he entered reminded him it was indeed an apartment complex. He glanced down at the flyer again to find the apartment number and set off towards the elevators, pressing the button to take him up to the sixth floor.

The elevator opened and Deidara stepped in, already noting the difference between his new home and his old one. The old elevator had a dirty floor and cracked mirrors and the only sound was the terrifying sound of the cables moving shakily; as if any moment they would break and the person would plummet to his death. However, this elevator had clean mirrors that reflected each other endlessly, a well kept blue carpet, and soft elevator music playing in the background. He was never one for music in the elevator, but he supposed he could deal with it.

When the 'ding' sounded, Deidara stepped out of the elevator, raising both eyebrows at how sophisticated the hallway seemed. This had to be a hotel; no doubt about it. The walls were a smooth beige with golden lining on the top and bottom, and paintings of fruit on the wall. Deidara frowned; fruit was tacky. If it were up to him, there would be something not as boring as fruit on the walls. The carpet was a dark, plush blue with a dark yellow lining near the edges. Finally he reached the room number on the flyer and he stopped in front of it, taking a deep breath to calm himself. _You have to get this apartment, un. Karin will bite your head off if you come back, Ino will find out the truth, and no one deserves to see Tobi unless he has to, un._

He pulled his phone out and the numbers 4:57 flashed back at him. He nodded satisfactorily; being early was always better than late. He pocketed his phone, swallowed and lifted his hand, knocking on the on the heavy, white door. After a few moments, the doorknob turned and the person appeared, staring at Deidara with half lidded eyes.

"Hi, un," Deidara grinned brightly and waved, "Heard you needed a roommate?"

And Sasori slammed the door shut in his face.

**-X-x-X-**

Deidara stared at the door with a dumbfounded expression and blinked a couple of times for what just happened to completely register in his head. _What hell was that, un?_ He thought angrily as he rang the doorbell this time and crossed his arms. He hadn't even shared two words with the guy and already he knew he'd hate him. But it was a place to live and, according to the guy on the phone, the kid spent most of his day in the library or at university, so they wouldn't cross paths too often.

After a few moments, Deidara had grown tired of standing in the brightly lit hallway and on the blue carpeting. He rolled his eyes as he jiggled the doorknob a couple of times before pulling a bobby pin out of his pocket and sticking it into the lock. After a few moments, he heard the lock click and the door opened easily. He smirked as he walked in and glanced around quickly. _Too easy._

"So you're a burglar too?" a voice drawled and Deidara looked up in surprise. The guy who just rudely slammed the door shut in his face was now leaning against the couch and munching on an apple, as if he was just waiting for Deidara to force his way in. He blinked; the red hair and half lidded eyes seemed familiar for some reason. Discarding the nagging feeling, the blue eyes scanned the room, taking in what would be his new home, whether the other guy liked it or not.

Very minimalist, Deidara noticed. Immediately to the right, separated by half a wall, was the kitchen that obviously wasn't used very often, judging by the clean countertops and stoves. Straight ahead was the living room, where odd things were scattered around. Legs, arms, hair, screwdrivers, and wood covered almost every surface, but he chose to not linger on that. On the couch were different kinds of string and cloth and on the coffee table in front of it rested papers and books. The television looked dusty, as if it hadn't been used in a while, and there were wilting plants in the corner. As Deidara stepped into the apartment, he saw that to the right were two doors opposite of each other (he assumed those would be bedrooms) and to the right was a door slightly ajar, leading to a spacious room with a floor to ceiling window for the wall but that was all he could see. The overall feel to the room was like the rest of the apartment complex; sophisticated, relaxed, and comfortable.

"Well, had to get in somehow, un," Deidara answered and let the door close as he dropped his duffel bag on the floor. "The guys on the phone didn't tell me you were an asshole, un," he added and glared at him, "Did you never learn the word 'courtesy'?"

"That's not a word commonly used in the life of a law student," Sasori pushed himself off the couch and threw the core of the apple into a nearby garbage can. He realized the other had stopped talking and he glanced up through his messy, red bangs, frowning. "What?" he asked rudely when he saw that the blonde was staring at him strangely. His expression went from irritated to contemplative to one resembling an epiphany then to irritated again. Sasori felt he had seen just about the spectrum of human emotions that he himself never felt.

"You haven't changed from the art store, huh, un?" Deidara smirked, "Told me to dance in front of a truck, un. Thanks for the money though," he added offhandedly, secretly rejoicing at the fact that he elicited a shocked expression from Sasori, "bought the clay and blew the sculptures up, un. Got a bit of money from that show."

Sasori was frozen to his spot for a couple of moments before he realized Deidara had wandered off to the room Zetsu had been in just a couple of days earlier. Things were moving too quickly; he felt he had just experienced an information overload. He frowned and crossed his arms, leaning against the couch again as he took in this new information and pondered over it. _New roommate. Art store. He's the kid that was blowing things up at the park? …I cannot possibly room with him. He'll blow me up in my sleep._

"Get out."

Deidara looked up in surprise at his greeting when he came out of the room. He looked at Sasori, internally flinching at the chilly glare that his brown eyes emitted. However, Deidara was not one to back down; especially after his rather spectacular exit from his old apartment, promise to Ino, and meeting with Tobi. "Sorry, man. Already decided I'm staying here, un. What's your problem, anyway? Not my fault you decided to give me money, un," he paused and took out his wallet (he had been very proud to put money in because he could actually use the thing for once) and pulled out a few bills, holding them out to Sasori. "Paying you back, un," he explained at the questioning gaze.

"I don't need it. It wasn't that much anyway," Sasori walked past Deidara who shrugged and pocketed the money. The redhead sighed, pausing from opening the refrigerator and turned around. Deidara was now wandering around the living room and had bent down to look at the puppet materials that Sasori hadn't bothered to clean up. Something told him Deidara wasn't going to leave tonight; Sasori decided he could deal with him for one night.

"So where are the great puppets of Akasuna Sasori, un?" Deidara asked, looking around, "Unless these are it…?"

"Of course not. They're in a separate room," Sasori answered as he retrieved a can of Pepsi from the refrigerator. It didn't surprise him that Deidara figured out he was a puppeteer. First of all, puppet parts and materials were littered all over his apartment and at the art store they had first met, Sasori's name and picture were usually on the bulletin board by the cash register. He was, however, surprised that Deidara had recognized him and still chosen to say. He assumed that the blonde desperately needed somewhere to stay. "Tell me two things."

"Yeah, un?"

Sasori took a long sip and looked at Deidara who collapsed onto the couch. "Name and are you going to blow me up in my sleep?"

Deidara stretched; it had been a while since he had laid down on a couch this nice. He figured that Sasori had to be rich because he was still a student but could afford a place like this easily. His eyes traveled around and with a pang, he realized he could probably be living like this had he gone to med school. He shook the feeling off quickly; he made his decision and he was going to stick by it. No regrets; it was too late now. "Deidara, un. And no, unless you piss me off. Did you like the show, un?" he sat up and peered over the couch, grinning widely.

"No," Sasori answered flatly and nodded towards the door, "Can you get the newspaper that's outside the door?"

"Nice try," Deidara scoffed, "There was no newspaper. You're just going to lock me out."

"Clever, aren't you?" Sasori drawled dryly then nodded towards the balcony door, "I have some clay out there. You want it?"

"Really?" Deidara jumped off the couch and opened the door, peering around, frowning. "Oi, Sasori, I don't see any clay, un…"

_Click._

Deidara spun around to see Sasori stand behind the door with his hand on the lock, a smirk across his usually impassive features. Flushing a deep red from anger, he jiggled the handle but it wouldn't open. As he glanced up, the smirk was wider and his own expression was angrier.

"_Asshole, un!"_

"Oh yes, you sure are clever."

**Author's Notes: A **_**HUGE**_** thank you to Nychta; I don't think I've ever really had a plot in mind this early in a story, so thank you so much! Ino will act as Deidara's brother, but I don't think she'll play a too big role (if you hate Ino). …I suppose she may, but the focus won't be on her. There'll be a mention of ShikaIno, but that's it.**

**I don't think I've ever been this efficient in updating a story. Oh, senior year, you are so good to me~ Thank you so much for the lovely reviews; I always smile stupidly when reading them. Thank you for reading, please review!**


	4. housewarming

****.disclaimer : don't own.****

_**.chapter four : housewarming.**_

_Ding dong._

Sasori groaned and rolled out of bed as the doorbell rang again. He sleepily navigated his room, rubbing an eye as he used the other hand to feel his surroundings so he didn't walk into anything. His foot occasionally made contact with something solid and he would mutter some kind of a curse under his breath. He was in only his boxers but it didn't matter; this person probably wasn't awake enough to remember being greeted by a half naked man. Back when he was rooming with Zetsu, he never had to worry about the awkward moment of Zetsu waking up to see Sasori not dressed. Zetsu slept until the very last minute and he would always rush out of the apartment towards his classes, probably not even realizing Sasori was in the room.

Yesterday he had finally let Deidara back in after he finished his homework. The minute he opened the door, the blonde came running in with his hands around the redhead's neck, trying to strangle him as they began wrestling on the floor. The fingers were icy cold and that bothered Sasori more than the actual asphyxiation that he was enduring. Zetsu had wandered in to drop off the key he had taken with him by accident. Pausing, he looked at the two, dumped cold water on them, and walked back out nonchalantly. The two then ignored each other until dinnertime, when Sasori came out to discover Deidara washing his hair in the sink. He had stood by and watched in amusement for a couple of moments before he decided to take a risk and ask.

_"…What are you doing?" Sasori asked. After he wandered in and saw Deidara leaning over the sink with his blonde hair completely drenched, he stood by and watched for a couple of minutes. He was met with an intense and angry glare and he couldn't help but snicker; it was hard to look threatening with half your hair wet in the sink._

_ "Your fuckin' stove almost burned my damn hair off, un!"_

_ "Who told you to make dinner?"_

_ "You did, asshole, un!"_

They had settled on Chinese takeout and even then they argued over dialing and ordering. The one thing they did agree on was paying, which they split in half. Neither wanted to allow the other to treat him yet neither wanted to treat the other. It was the easiest decision they made that day. After dinner, Deidara locked himself in his room and Sasori returned to his studies, keeping his ears alert for any explosions. He heard thuds but later he would find out Deidara was playing with his clay and throwing it at the wall (with the intention of annoying Sasori); as long as nothing exploded in his apartment, he was fine with whatever Deidara did to keep himself occupied.

The floor was freezing cold, much to Sasori's displeasure, as the sound of bare feet shuffling against the floor filled the otherwise silent apartment. He supposed he could find something more to sleep in, but it would become such a bother in the summer. He muttered soft curses as he bumped into random pieces of furniture and sighed as he reached the door; who in the world would come to the door at six in the morning? Rolling his eyes, he unlocked the door and yanked it open, peering curiously at the person there, holding a pizza and grinning.

"Who the hell are you and why do you have pizza?"

"Deidara-senpai told me to come at six! With pizza!"

"…_DEIDARA._"

Needless to say, Deidara did not wake up pleasantly that morning.

**-X-x-X-**

"When I said six, I meant six in the evening, un!" Deidara hit Tobi on the back of his head, causing the younger man to whine in pain and hold the spot he was just hit. Sasori sat at the kitchen table eating the pizza and watching the scene unfurl. It had been an hour since Tobi had arrived and Deidara was just now beginning to lecture him because it took him an hour to get out of bed. Pizza wasn't necessarily a good breakfast food but ever since Sasori started law school, his diet had become incredibly messed up. How Tobi found a pizzeria this early in the morning was a mystery to him.

"But senpai didn't specify…!"

"Use logic, you moron! Why would I ask you to bring pizza at six in the morning, un?" Deidara was very irritated that he had been woken up in this manner. He spent most of his night decorating his room to personalize it. Finding old tubes of paint and asking Sasori for his extras, he filled up balloons with the respective colors and pinned them to the wall. Then, taking darts, he threw them absentmindedly until he was out of darts and would remove the balloons and let the wall dry, resulting in an unplanned, spur of the moment, nonrecreatable wall. He supposed he should have moved the bed first but the paint he used was also washable, so he decided to let Sasori take care of paint stained bed sheets. He growled and jerked his head towards the door. "Get out, un."

Sasori watched with amusement as Tobi let out a strangled cry and threw himself onto Deidara, effectively knocking the two over. Deidara's blue eyes bulged and he yelled at Sasori to help him as he tried to crawl away from Tobi, but the black haired boy had his arms tightly around the other's waist. Sasori smirked and prepared to walk away but his phone suddenly began to buzz in his pocket. Taking it out and pressing it to his ear, he ignored the two on the floor. "What do you want?"

"Get the hell off of me, un!"

"Nooo! Senpai!"

"If I do recall, you were the one calling me this morning," Itachi's voice came through the phone and Sasori frowned for a few minutes, stepping over Deidara who crawled his way over and walked to the other side of the room. He heard a swear in his direction but ignored it as he searched his memory. He was certain he would recall calling Itachi since he rarely called anyone; if he did call that usually meant it was life threatening or…

"Oh. Yes. I would like to invite you, Kisame, Zetsu, and Konan over at ten," he suddenly remembered watching Tobi sit on his couch with great irritation and decided to invite the rest of his friends over. He wanted to show them firsthand what their little prank had done to his solitary life; he wanted them to die from guilt. He glanced at the clock and saw it was 7:40; still a bit more than two hours before they would arrive. That would be enough time to tell Deidara, he figured (he tried to put off any communication with the blonde if he could.)

Sasori always gave people a chance before he made a final judgment. Thus, he didn't hate Deidara. But he did severely dislike him. Last night Sasori watched him drown his fried noodles with soy sauce then eat them as if it was delicious. The smell was so strong that Sasori, who was crowned the soy sauce lover in his circle of friends, had to wrinkle his nose in disgust; he liked soy sauce, he really did, but he wondered if Deidara drank soy sauce like water.

_"How can you handle all that soy sauce?" Sasori asked bluntly, watching as Deidara casually tipped the soy sauce and let the liquid drown his dinner as he stared at sheet of daily horoscopes. Sasori usually used it as a placemat or threw it out, but Deidara had grabbed it the instant the delivery boy dropped their dinner off, ignoring Sasori's insults about him being superstitious and childish. "Isn't it too salty?"_

_ "No way, the more flavorful the better, un. Your bland personality must match your taste buds," he muttered the last part under his breath, squinting. He smirked suddenly. "These things aren't as stupid as you think they are, un. See, the horoscope for Taurus says that," he paused and cleared his throat, putting on a scholarly expression, "'Get involved with something artistic – you need to let your creative energy out today. You may be finger painting or writing a song—"_

_ Sasori snorted._

_ "—but somehow, your deepest soul is sure to come to the surface—"_

_ Sasori snorted again._

_ "Something funny, un?" Deidara looked up and glared as he took a mouthful of noodles and grimaced; he had been so caught up in reading that he added a bit more than he was accustomed to. Sasori smirked and shook his head. Deidara rolled his eyes and picked up his chopsticks, scanning the page again. "When's your birthday, un?"_

_ "Why do you care?"_

_ "Maybe it'll reveal that you're a coldhearted, life-hating prick, un."_

_ Sasori glared at him, picking up another piece of orange chicken with his chopsticks. "November 8__th__," he answered before popping it in his mouth and chewing, "Are you going to stay here forever?"_

_ "Yes. And Scorpio, un? 'Ideas are meant to be shared on a day like today, so don't hold anything in,'" Deidara blinked a few times and looked up. "Sasori, you have any brilliant ideas you want to share, un? They are meant to be shared after all."_

_ "Actually, yes."_

_ "Oh?"_

_ Sasori smirked, picking up the last piece and chucked it at Deidara, hitting him square in the forehead. The smirk widened as he watched the chicken slide down the bridge of the blonde's nose in slow motion, leaving a trail of warm, sticky sauce on the pale skin. Deidara clutched his chopsticks and next thing he knew, he had hurled a huge chopstick-full of fried rice at Sasori, watching in satisfaction as the noodles and soy sauce became entangled with his fiery red hair._

Sasori could still see traces of the food fight from last night. There were a few carrots littered around the floor and dried soy sauce; he had forced Deidara to scrub the floor but he should have known Deidara wouldn't do a very thorough job. He would have to redo the cleaning someday later, he realized with dread. He supposed he could hire a maid but he hated the idea of someone he didn't know in his house, touching all his stuff. With a sudden start, he realized he was in that situation right now.

"All right. Will you introduce us to Deidara?" he heard Itachi chuckle over the phone. He probably thought that the plan he devised with Kisame was working out splendidly; like he and Deidara had become fast friends and now stayed up every night gossiping (really, who even did that?) instead of throwing food at each other and wrestling. Deidara had used Sasori's toothpaste by grabbing it out of his hand, and what resulted was a war in the bathroom. It still smelled minty.

"I'm going to show you how you have made my life into a living hell."

Ignoring whatever Itachi may have decided to say, he removed the phone from his ear and hung up, rolling his eyes as he took another step away from the conjoined twins of Deidara and Tobi that were nearing him again. He sent a glare down at them as he opened the front door. "Tobi. Please leave. Deidara and I will have company over and we will need time to clean up the apartment."

"Oh! Senpai, you're having guests over? Can Tobi come too?"

"No you cannot you albino-freak, un!" Deidara managed to wiggle out of Tobi's grasp and picked him up by the back of his collar, hauling him out the door like some kind of a dog. Immediately, he slammed the door shut and locked it, leaning against it, as if Tobi was going to break the door down to come back in. Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"I have my friends come over at eleven."

"Cool… shit, un!" Deidara's eyes widened suddenly and he darted into his room. Sasori felt his hair swish as the blur moved past him. Slightly curious, he sauntered over to Deidara's room and leaned against the doorframe; it was like déjà vu. However, instead of watching Zetsu pack his things at lightning speed, he was watching Deidara unpack at lightning speed. Clothes came out of the bags and were thrown carelessly towards the closet and random art supplies were taken out and sprawled onto the bed. Leaning in, he frowned as he looked at the wall. _Art splatters. Interesting concept. Doesn't look half bad, I suppose._

"…Are you going to ask, un?" Deidara paused as he opened the duffel bag with his pottery wheel and was heading towards the door when he looked up at Sasori with an eyebrow raised. Sasori smirked and leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed, an arrogant look crossing his features. Deidara couldn't help but scowl. "Just because it's your place doesn't mean you can act like you own it, un. Don't you rent?"

"I own more of it than you do." Came as the response and Deidara sighed impatiently, rolling his eyes. "So are you going to ask me what's up with me or not, un?"

"I'd only ask if it interests me," Sasori continued to stare at Deidara, his brown eyes never once quivering as he held eye contact. The two stood there quietly staring at each other; with each passing moment, Sasori grew calmer. He wasn't intimidated by Deidara; only irritated. _Severely_ irritated but he was always good at hiding it. Deidara, on the other hand, was growing more annoyed with each passing second. He absolutely loathed people that gave him that condescending look. He received it when he told people he didn't continue his schooling, when he told them he lived in a ratty apartment, and when he told them he blew things up and that was his art. That snotty, presumptuous attitude that made him want to rip their raised noses off their face and throw it on the floor.

"…So does it interest you or what, un?"

Sasori pushed himself off the doorframe and shrugged. "Not particularly," and he turned around, walking straight across the hall. He entered his room and closed it behind him and Deidara heard a _click_, indicating that Sasori had locked the door. He growled and chucked a small ball of dried clay rolling around in the bin on top of the wheel, feeling slightly satisfied as he heard a loud thud.

"Asshole, un!"

**-X-x-X-**

"Zetsu, have you seen the new roommate?"

Two pairs of eyes turned to Zetsu as they stopped in front of Sasori's apartment. All three had been here before but this visit was different; it was almost as if they were going to a zoo and meeting a wild animal. They were interested as to what Deidara was like and how the two were getting along well. Konan had mentioned that she would be late but would love to meet Deidara and expected that he and Sasori would already be friends. Itachi and Kisame answered politely, yet hoped that she was wrong. Zetsu nodded. "They were wrestling on the ground when I came in to drop the key off. **Yeah, had to dump cold water on them to get them to stop. They got really close and physical.**"

Kisame and Itachi exchanged glances and smirked at each other. "Not a bad idea, Itachi. Seems like he's getting along with him," Kisame laughed and rang the doorbell and the three waited patiently. Patience was something all three of them shared and something that Sasori lacked; while they had no problem waiting up to half an hour, Sasori would bite their heads off if they were thirty seconds late.

"That is quite disappointing," Itachi noted, "I was hoping for some form of entertainment." Itachi didn't dislike Sasori; he just liked to mess with him. Sasori closely resembled him in terms of personality, which was why Itachi liked to make life difficult for him. He knew how much he hated when people interfered with his life, so he decided to mess with Sasori to see why people liked to mess with his. It was quite entertaining, he had to admit.

"Itachi, Kisame," Zetsu looked over, smirking slightly, "I didn't know that you two were sadists. **What were you expecting, someone that walks around half naked? I doubt Sasori would let someone like that stay for more than ten minutes**."

"…Who the hell are you people, un?"

The three pairs of eyes riveted to the door and Zetsu's last words rang in their head as they took in the dripping wet hair and naked state of the person, save the towel around his hips. His brows were furrowed as he pushed his wet strands of hair back so he could see them more clearly. Water still dripped off of him; it looked like he literally grabbed a towel and ran out of the shower.

"Oh yeah, this is him. Where'd your clothes go, buddy? **Sasori invited us over. Let us in,**" Zetsu half chirped and half growled at the half naked Deidara. The other two just stared and immediately Kisame and Itachi felt a chill go through them. They were looking forward to an irritated Sasori, yet they were not expecting this. _What have we done to Sasori…?_

"Oh," Deidara nodded in acceptance, undisturbed by the two personalities of Zetsu as he stepped aside to let them in, "Come in then, un. I don't know where Sasori is; last time I saw him he was studying or something, un. I'm Deidara, by the way!" he grinned and gave a two finger salute to them, "I have no idea how you handle that asshole on a daily basis, un." He scowled and looked away for a moment and the other three simply stared at him.

"So Deidara," Kisame cleared his throat wondering if first impressions were wrong and broke the silence, "You're an artist?"

"Yeah, un! I blow stuff up," Deidara grinned again, looking smug with himself.

"…Oh my God. You're the guy from the park?" Zetsu asked incredulously, blinking his yellow eyes, "…And he hasn't kicked you out? **You must've drugged him or something.**"

Deidara shrugged. "He locked me out on the balcony for half an hour, un. That kind of counts as kicking me out, wouldn't you say? Sasori should be out in a few seconds so you can just sit down or something, un," Deidara gestured towards the couch with a random wave of his arm. With his other, he ran his hand through his hair as a habit then paused, picked up a wet strand of hair and scowled. "I need to dry off, un. I'll see you guys soon… SASORI, YOU'VE GOT PEOPLE OVER, UN," he yelled and disappeared into the bathroom. A few minutes later, Sasori came out and blinked.

"Hey. When did you get here?" he asked as he frowned, "I don't recall hearing the doorbell."

"Your half naked roommate let us in," Itachi answered calmly. His eyes darted to the kitchen just in time to see Deidara, drier this time but still without clothing, enter. He seemed to not notice the four of them standing in the middle of the room, despite speaking with them just a few moments earlier.

At that, Sasori turned around quickly just in time to see Deidara, fresh out of the shower with a towel around his waist, lean over and inspect the contents of the refrigerator. Long strands of blonde hair stuck to his naked back and chest and judging by his expression and the fact he didn't react to the sound of conversation in the living room, Sasori deduced that Deidara didn't care that he was half naked. He cared more about finding food.

"Deidara."

"Hmm?" Deidara pulled a carrot out of the refrigerator and bit into the end, looking at Sasori. His gaze then traveled to the other three and he grinned, holding his free hand up for a wave. "We've already met, un."

"Deidara," Sasori put two fingers to his forehead, looking as if he were suddenly immersed by deep thought and what he was going to say next was of the utmost importance. Deidara blinked and crossed his arms, leaning against the kitchen table expectantly, taking a bite out of his carrot every now and then. "Will you do something for me?"

"If you ask nicely, un."

"Put some clothes on and move out."

Deidara rolled his eyes as he finished his carrot and threw the end into the garbage, walking over to them and stopping by the couch. He put his hands on the backing and leaned forward slightly; instantly, Sasori turned away, ignoring the radiating warmth. "What's your problem, un? It's not like there's a girl in here or anything; we're all guys, un."

"Sasori! Sorry I'm late!" the door flew open and Konan ran in, her cheeks flushed from running and the cold weather outside. After she looked up from making sure she didn't trip over her feet as she took her shoes off, she stared at Deidara who stared back. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Konan flushed dark red, her voice suddenly an octave higher. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry!"

"Did you plan that or something, un?" Deidara muttered as he scratched the back of his head awkwardly and left. Sasori smirked as he heard the bedroom door slam shut and held up a hand, motioning for Konan to come over and sit. She obliged, though head still cast down and cheeks a brilliant shade of red, as she sat down on the other couch next to Itachi.

"Sorry about the rude welcome," Sasori sighed, glaring at Kisame and Itachi, "Those two found him for me." He shot another glare at the two and immediately they looked away, humming and drumming their fingers against their arms. Sasori scowled; he wanted to have Deidara blow their heads off. There was very little that Sasori was willing to verbally threaten someone for, as he preferred to hold murderous grudges. However, this would be an exception; those two had literally ruined his life and it was obvious they were not going to take responsibility for it.

"I'm going to make puppets of you two and burn them."

"Thanks Sasori; we love having you as a friend too," Kisame grinned. As Sasori glowered at them again before looking away, he glanced at Itachi and they exchanged knowing smirks. They saw what Deidara's presence was doing to Sasori and of course they felt slightly guilty. A calm, peaceful, orderly life had been turned upside down by a blonde hurricane. Everything about Deidara would act like a toxin to Sasori. Which was exactly why he was absolutely perfect.

"So," Sasori's eyes snapped open when he felt a new presence next to him, the sudden weight causing him to jump slightly. His brown eyes glanced to his right and he scowled again; this day was not doing well. Deidara was now clothed, to Sasori's slight pleasure, but in an old, blue, ratty-looking t-shirt and plaid boxers. Konan flushed again and looked away. "Who are you guys anyway, un?"

"Zetsu."

"Kisame."

"Uh… Konan…"

"Itachi."

Deidara nodded as he ran his eyes over Sasori's acquaintances. Zetsu seemed a bit odd but Deidara always liked those who weren't perfect. The mature, sensible, high achievers reminded him of the person he used to be and he promised himself he would never think back on his decision and regret it. Sasori was a prime example of this, Deidara noted bitterly and glanced quickly at Sasori. He looked back at Kisame, who resembled the type of person that would beat him up in middle school, pull at his hair, make fun of him for looking so damn "pretty" (Deidara hated that word) and was the type of person Deidara wanted to boss around in the future (no chance of that anymore). Itachi reminded him of Kakuzu and Pein; quiet, mature, sensible. Konan just seemed very flustered, but he supposed he did wander around half naked when she came in so it was understandable.

"Oh hey," Deidara's eyes widened suddenly, looking at Itachi, "Didn't we talk on the phone, un? I called you that night?" That voice had made him feel respected yet degraded at once. The tone was so formal and polite that Deidara almost felt as if someone was treating him with more respect than he deserved, yet the stiffness and eloquence of it made it seem like the person was talking down to him. It was difficult to tell whether he was being belittled or not; looking at Itachi now, Deidara still wasn't sure if he was super polite and stiff or arrogant.

Itachi nodded, smirking slightly as he darted a glance at Sasori. Since he was fairly sure both of them probably didn't bother asking each other to learn more about them, he decided he could be the catalyst to their bonding. If he made Sasori want to rip his own hair out even more, that was just a bonus. "Deidara, on the phone, you mentioned you dropped out of medical school before it began. Care to elaborate?"

Sasori's eyes widened slightly and he glanced at his roommate, his interests slightly raised. Growing up, he learned that giving up was never an option; that perseverance and hard work would always be rewarded later. The harder one worked, the more he would be rewarded. Happiness came second; the feeling of success was always the most exhilarating thing he could feel. In Sasori's world, those were the standards. He couldn't believe how Deidara could just drop out and choose probably some stupid, petty reason over the feeling of success. Deidara grinned and shrugged nonchalantly.

"Nothing much to say, un. I'm a smart kid, you know," he glanced at Sasori and stuck a tongue out at him, "Everyone told me so. Math and sciences were no problem, history was just a matter of reading the book, and I'm a good writer and speaker, un. I just decided that my art was more important to me than being a doctor, un," Deidara answered, "I'm not going to torture myself by living someone else's dream, un. I don't have to satisfy anyone except for myself."

"You're even more moronic than I thought," Sasori mumbled and everyone looked at him in surprise for talking as he reached towards the table for a spare piece of wood, "Did you even think about the consequences? What were you going to do when you ran out of money? When you got evicted? You haven't worked hard enough to do nothing yet."

"Life is short and it's to be enjoyed," Deidara answered, smirking, "What's the point of putting myself through hell if it's not what I want and I'm going to be miserable, un? We only live for so long; you have to make the best of what you have." Deidara's view on life was like his art; it was beautiful and fleeting. True art couldn't be dragged out and forced to be longer, just as life could be instantaneous. How Sasori disagreed with this he couldn't imagine, so he laid back and waited for an answer.

Sasori eyes flicked up from the block of wood he had been playing around with in annoyance at Deidara. He sighed and looked at Itachi, as if willing to convey _look-what-I'm-dealing-with_. "Life is long. Art is eternal. True art outlasts the artist's life and withstands the test of time. The longevity of life gives plenty of time to relax after one has worked hard first." He turned to glare at Deidara who shrugged, smirking.

"How long did you plan on working hard for, un? After law school, what's next? Becoming the best lawyer in Tokyo, un? Then Japan, then become world-renowned? At the rate you're going, the only time you'll relax will be the ten seconds before you die because you won't have any energy to stress, un."

"What gives you the right to predict my life?"

"I'd say we're pretty close. Thanks for the boxers by the way, un. I have none left."

"Hey, we picked a pretty good one," Kisame whispered to Itachi, grinning. Itachi looked back and smirked, sending a new swarm of butterflies through Kisame that he pushed aside. He looked at Sasori, coughing to cover up his laugh at the disgusted look the lawyer-to-be gave the blonde. Zetsu glanced over and chuckled; this was far too amusing. They were friends with Sasori so deep down they wanted the best for him. But on the surface, they just liked to tease and make fun of him.

"That's sick."

"Do you really want them back, un?"

"Hell no."

Meanwhile, Konan continued staring at her knees, playing with her fingers. Something about Deidara made her slightly nervous; she was used to calm men, the kind that would keep her on her feet and help her make logical decisions. Deidara was the exact opposite; he was like an explosion in the air, full of vibrancy and life. She wasn't used to all this energy and optimism; it was like she was in the middle of a pasture at night and Deidara was the sun that suddenly decided to appear and blind her. It wasn't a bad thing, she decided as she looked up, smiling as she watched the two of them bicker about laundry. Change was good. Deidara's view on life made sense to her. To be honest, she wanted Pein to be _slightly_ more like Deidara. Not a lot (she would go crazy) but to have some vibrancy and life; she could only watch him coop himself up in his office and burden himself for so long.

"Konan?"

The blue haired woman looked up, blinking in surprise and feeling a faint blush settle over her cheeks as she saw Pein stand in front of her, with his dress pants and white dress shirt, the loosened tie and collar giving him a more rumpled look. His hands were in his pocket and his hair was slightly messy and she smiled. No matter how uptight he was and no matter how much she looked at Deidara and wondered what kind of boyfriend he would make (his partner would definitely have to be on his toes), Pein was irreplaceable to her. For the first serious, _serious_ boyfriend she had ever had, she was scared it was going too smoothly. She liked him, her parents liked him, her friends (the most overprotective bunch she had ever met) liked him. She was afraid that she was exaggerating her feelings as the hopeless romantic she was.

"Pein!" she grinned and knew the butterflies in her stomach weren't something that could be exaggerated or forced; they were genuine and sickening, in the best way possible. As he smirked and sat down next to her (Itachi and Kisame instantly moved over), Sasori looked around.

"How the hell did you three get in?"

"Oh, gave them a key, un. Actually, I mailed it to Kakuzu," Deidara answered as Kakuzu sat down next to him and Hidan paced around the living room, looking at the place. Sasori slowly turned to give him a skeptical look again but Deidara shrugged again. "No big deal, un. None of them are crooks. Besides, I mailed it to Kakuzu, un. He's responsible."

"You _mailed_ my key?"

"Yeah, un. Way too much work to find him at work; he'd charge me money just for walking into the place."

"How moronic _are_ you?" Sasori could not believe his new roommate gave a copy of the keys to his friends, giving the friends that Sasori had never even heard of a copy of keys fewer than twenty four hours after knowing Deidara himself. He couldn't believe that Deidara would stupidly mail out a key; what if it fell into the wrong hands and he was robbed? Deidara probably didn't have much worth stealing but Sasori had things he knew he would dearly miss if they were stolen. "What if the key got lost in the mail? What gave you the right to give out a key before consulting it with me? And where did you even get a copy of the key?"

"Your desk drawers aren't locked, un," Deidara answered casually, crossing his ankle over his knee and folding his arms across his chest. He then turned to Hidan who just wandered out of his room, smirking. "You like what I did with it, un?"

"…You went through my belongings?" Sasori asked again slowly. Clearly, Deidara had absolutely no understanding of privacy. Sasori didn't search through his belongings for any explosives (though he was pretty sure he saw everything while Deidara was quickly unpacking) because no matter how irritating he was, he still deserved his privacy and Sasori would respect that. However, Deidara just crossed a fine line. He went through Sasori's things as if he didn't care about his wishes and personal space and what was the most irritating was that he didn't seem to care. He sat there, smiling nonchalantly as if it were the most normal thing in the world and Sasori couldn't stand that. He absolutely couldn't _stand_ presumptuous pricks. He clenched his fist and glared at the blonde who seemed not to notice.

Deidara just wandered in one day and announced he was going to live here, giving absolutely no consideration as to what Sasori wanted. Then he completely vandalized the wall, used his things without permission, and apparently now sifted through his belongings. He absolutely didn't give a care in the world about what anyone else wanted. He was in his own world, where no one else mattered and only what he wanted mattered. He was immature, ignorant, and selfish and Sasori decided he would hate him for that. He spent his entire life obeying selfish people, doing what they wanted and he sure as hell wasn't going to take it from Deidara.

"Oh shit, un," Deidara's eyes widened as he glanced at his phone. He looked up suddenly at everyone, clearing his throat, "Okay uh… I need a favor from you guys, all right? My little sister's coming over and, well, I need you all to act as if I've been going to med school for the past year, un."

Pein, Kakuzu, and Hidan all made an 'ah' sound and nodded. Itachi, Kisame, Konan, and Zetsu frowned and exchanged glances. "But… you just told us that…" Konan started, frowning in confusion when the doorbell rang and Deidara literally jumped a mile into the air as he stood up to answer it.

"He's lying to protect her," Pein answered for him and everyone turned to look at him, "He's Ino's role model. He doesn't want her to lose that image of him because after their parents died, she's always looked up to him." This was one of the things that Pein admired most in Deidara. Most people would frown upon what Deidara was doing, but there was more to it than a simple lie. It would be much easier for Deidara to come clean about the whole situation and to relieve himself of the guilt, but he was lying to protect her, not him.

Deidara was the kind of person that was genuinely kind deep down, but a caustic and arrogant demeanor hid it. Once his trust and respect was earned, one would realize that he was a good kid with a good heart. He may seem rude, arrogant, and unorganized, but it was all genuine and with good intentions. And, as Pein glanced at Sasori, Sasori seemed to not realize this. He just hoped Deidara didn't piss him off too much before Sasori realized what kind of a person he really was.

"Ino, hey, un," they heard Deidara's voice as the door was opened and a blonde, that looked almost exactly like him, threw her arms around him, grinning. He seemed so natural; the smile was bright and the tone was relaxed; no sign of any lying as he approached them, letting Ino take his seat. A rosette sat down next to her. Sasori blinked, temporarily forgetting his anger at Deidara. _People have to stop giving me crap about my bloody red hair if that girl's walking around with cotton candy on her head._

"Hi!" the girl, presumably Ino, grinned and looked around at them, holding a hand up, "I'm Ino! And this is Sakura, my best friend. Nice place, Deidara," she noted and looked around. She turned around, and looked through the open door leading to the bedroom, laughing slightly, "I can definitely tell you live in there. It's a mess. Things haven't changed since we were little, huh? Hi Pein, Hidan, Kakuzu!" she turned her attention to the other three and waved happily, "Keeping my brother in line?"

"As fucking always," Hidan smirked, "You know, I'm the one that has to actually make him do his damn work. Kid spends all day obsessing over the dead bodies he's cutting up and forgets to study for a little thing called the final-fucking-exams."

As a laugh went around the room (a nervous giggle with some shifty eyes from Sasori's friends), the redhead frowned as he watched Hidan and Ino converse easily. He couldn't believe that Hidan was lying so smoothly and easily to Ino; he couldn't believe how selfish Deidara was to make even his friends continue his deception. Sasori felt anger bubble in him as he watched Ino laugh, without the slightest clue that she was being completely deceived. He then looked at Deidara who looked equally relaxed, even joking around and Sasori couldn't handle it; he wouldn't stand by and let Ino be deceived like this. He didn't know her, but no one deserved to be lied to like this.

"You know, he dropped out of medical school."

Deidara felt chills go through him when he heard Sasori say that. Feeling prickles crawl through his skin, he turned to the redhead slowly, his face paling at Sasori's serene yet fake smile directed at Ino. It was the first smile Deidara had seen; Sasori was usually smirking. Even so, the smile was fake and forced; it probably easily deceived Ino, but Deidara could see the evil intentions lying underneath. The brown eyes met Deidara's wide blue ones and the smile changed into a smirk for an instant, as if he were saying _this is what you deserve._ He opened his mouth but closed it, gulping slightly, his eyes wide and pleading. _What are you doing, Sasori?_ Everyone in the room fell silent and looked at Sasori. Hidan looked absolutely livid while Pein and Kakuzu looked confused, yet interested. The others looked mainly horrified; the Sasori they knew definitely would _not_ just rat someone out like this.

"He only moved in here yesterday," Sasori continued easily and shrugged as if what he was saying didn't make the room ten degrees colder, "Before that he's been bumming around on the streets. No job. No income. All he does all day is his so called "art." He's just wasting his time and being immature. Frankly, I'm surprised he's made it this long."

"Sasori," Deidara hissed and Sasori smirked, seeing fear quiver in his eyes, "What the _fuck_ are you doing, un?"

"What's with Sasori?" Kisame leaned over, whispering to Itachi. "As far as I'm concerned, he's one of the most loyal people I've ever met." Sasori would seem like a cold bastard at times, but deep down he was extremely loyal to those he cared about. Even if he disliked Deidara, Sasori never betrayed anyone like this. In school, Zetsu got have gotten expelled for some of his pranks but Sasori never told the dean it was Zetsu and, instead, accepted the punishments of helping him clean the greenhouse.

"I suppose he harbors a certain dislike for Deidara," Itachi noted in his deep, quiet voice, "We all know how he feels about deception like this." Sasori was secretive and though Itachi enjoyed teasing him, the two shared a bond that ran deeper than words could describe. Very few things would elicit an emotion from Itachi, but hearing certain things about Sasori's childhood would make even the stoic Uchiha cringe. He sighed and looked at Sasori, noting the cold smirk. He told Kisame he wanted to ruin Sasori's life, but he also had his own reasons.

"…Huh?" Ino furrowed her brow and looked at Deidara questioningly, "No way. He's been studying there for a year now, right, Deidara?" her bright smile faltered as she noticed how her brother avoided her gaze and that everyone else in the room was deathly silent. "…Right?"

"…" Deidara cleared his throat and looked away, feeling his heartbeat quicken. _Not now, un. Not like this. I can't tell her like this. She'll never talk to me again, un._ He couldn't believe Sasori did this to him. Instantly, he felt anger rise up in him as he looked up to meet Sasori's smug face. _And what the hell did I do to him, un?_ rang in his head. Sasori had to be the most bipolar person ever; one minute he was locking him out on the balcony as a joke and next he was ruining the most important relationship he had. Deidara believed that people were innately good; some people just didn't make the right decisions when it came to choices. However, he scrapped his beliefs; Sasori was a cold, cruel person that didn't care about anyone else.

"I cannot believe this," Ino bit her lip and stood up, tears brimming her eyes. Sakura looked up at Ino with sympathetic and sent a glare at Deidara as she stood up as well, putting an arm around Ino comfortingly, whispering something in her ear as the two began to head towards the door.

"Ino—"

"Don't even. No. Don't, okay? Don't," Ino spun around suddenly, breaking Sakura's hold on her shoulders. Her blonde hair whipped around her and her baby blue eyes flashed dangerously at Deidara. "Look, it's one thing that you dropped out of med school. With enough reason, I could probably understand that. But lying to me for a whole year? I can't believe it. I used to look up to you. You know? Ever since our parents died, you actually became responsible. You'd help me and cook for me and I believed everything you told me. And when you said that you couldn't live with me anymore at our aunt and uncle's, I figured your work was busy. So, I dealt with it. It wasn't easy, okay? Because you're the only one I have left. You're my only real family left. So why'd you lie? Was it because you didn't want to hang out with me anymore? You got sick of your pesty little sister?"

"Ino, it's not that, un," Deidara stood up and headed towards her, but she instantly held her hand up, signaling for him to stay put.

"Don't. Leave me alone. This time you're not the one escaping. I get to leave you and you get to know what it's like to be abandoned." She spun around on her heel and yanked the door open, storming out and slamming it shut. Sakura sighed and put a hand to her forehead, then looked at Deidara, her eyes tired. "Deidara, I'm sure you had your reasons. But really? I'm not here to judge. But talk to her again in a week or so. She'll forgive you eventually. But you should really come up with a clear explanation," she said and opened the door, exiting in a much more calm manner than Ino did.

Deidara groaned and sank down onto the floor. Hidan scooted over, and put an arm around his friend's shoulders and dropped his head, whispering something that sounded encouraging. Pein glanced at them and stood up, motioning to Konan that they should leave. One by one, they all filed out silently until only Hidan and Kakuzu were left. Sasori shrugged at Kakuzu's questioning look and smirked. "Why aren't your hands around my throat for ruining your friend's relationship with his sister?"

"I'm sure you had your reason. I don't judge someone before I get to know him," Kakuzu answered, "Of course I'm not pleased with what you did and how you went about it. Come on, moron," he delivered a sharp jab to Hidan's side, earning him a yelp and a glare, "Let's go."

"I'm helping out a fucking friend here for once! Why can't I just do something nice?"

"Because that's not in your nature. Let's go."

Hidan muttered something incoherent then looked back at Deidara, a slight smile gracing his lips. "Keep your head up, all right? Don't make me be nice to you. It's fucking weird."

As Sasori heard the door slam shut, he closed his eyes, leaning back against the couch and crossing his arms. He smirked expectantly as he waited for the outburst. Possibly a book to his head or fingers around his throat or, probably, a lot of yelling. What he didn't expect, however, was just what Deidara did.

"Why, un?"

Sasori opened an eye and looked at Deidara. He was still on the ground, sitting cross legged and staring at his open palms. The whisper was ragged and pained, a look of complete heartbreak was on his face when he looked up. His strands of blonde hair seemed dull suddenly as they laid limply, cascading down around his slumped shoulders. Bags Sasori hadn't noticed before had formed under his eyes and suddenly he looked so much older and more tired; not the same person that bounded into his room under twenty four hours ago.

"No one deserves to be lied to like that."

"So what the hell made you think you could just butt into my business like that, un?" Deidara clenched his fists and felt his nails dig into his palms, his knuckles turning white from anger. "We've been living together for like, what, twenty hours, un? If you wanted to know why, okay, I could've told you, un."

"I don't care why," Sasori continued impassively, "All I know is that you were deceiving the person most important to you and that's wrong. No matter what reason it was for, there's no good reason for lying, especially to a family member." As soon as he was finished, he felt a heavy weight on top of him, knocking the wind out of him as the two of them tumbled onto the ground, still wrestling. Sasori growled and coughed as his fingers pried at the ones around his neck. He could feel his air supply shortening and spots danced before his eyes when one hand released the death grip. He didn't have a chance to get more than one grasp before he felt a splitting pain in his nose.

"Shit," he managed to gasp through the pain. As he clenched his jaw, the pain went searing and he used his non dominant hand to grab the fabric of Deidara's shirt and delivered a well aimed punch at the jaw, sending the blonde off of him and sprawling onto the ground. As the two sat up, huffing, Deidara glared at him, using the back of his hand to wipe away the blood trickling at the corner of his lip.

"Fuck you, un," he muttered and stood up. He grabbed his wallet from the counter and stalked out of the apartment, leaving Sasori alone. He staggered towards the kitchen and grabbed a paper towel, pressing it against the nose. He winced as he pressed with a bit too much force, cursing when he saw the blood and made his way to the bathroom. He flipped on the switch and scrutinized his nose; aside from the blood, it seemed fine, he decided. No reason to go to the cops and get a restraining order, he noted solemnly as he walked back into the kitchen and sat down next to the paper towels.

_"Chiyo-baachan," a short, red haired boy tugged at the hem of the dress his grandmother was wearing. The elderly woman looked down and smiled, scooping her grandson up in her arms and tickling his nose; at the age of five, he couldn't discern the look of pain beneath her smile when she looked at him._

_ "Yes, Sasori?"_

_ "Where are oto-chan and okaa-san?" the little boy inquired innocently, as he sucked on the ear of his teddy bear. His parents had left a week ago and as the little boy he was, he missed them dearly. It was lonely in the big king-sized bed. Of course, the toddler liked to be able to roll around without bumping into his parents, but he missed them, their warmth, and their affection._

_ Chiyo opened her mouth and closed it, looking away slightly. She had received a phone call a week ago on the day Sasori's parents left. The plane's crash was covered on every news channel, reporters reiterated that "there were no chances for survival." Though a week had passed, the words still rang clearly in her mind. The chilling sensation that went through her would never be forgotten. That moment where everything changed and there was a hollow void in her that she knew would never be filled._

I am so sorry for your loss.

_Empty words. What did they mean to the one who delivered them? Did he ever lose the two people he cared for more than anyone? Did he wonder how he would have to tell their five year old son? Did he ever have to deal with death yet put on a smiling face because he didn't want to watch a bubbly face crumple. She looked back at Sasori, a forced smile plastered on their face. "They'll be back soon, Sasori."_

_ And Sasori believed every word._

The twenty four year old sighed, removing the blood soaked paper towels from his nose and dropped them into the nearby trash can. He touched his nose gently a few times and winced as he went over to the freezer and retrieved an ice bag. He carefully touched it to his unusually red nose and sat back down, leaning back. _No one deserves to be lied to. Especially not family._

A knock came at the door and Sasori frowned as he glanced at it. He sighed and left his icepack on the table and frowned as he held his hand over the nose and opened the door. _If it's that punk Tobi again, I swear…_

"…Piercings."

"…All right, I'll call you Hair," Pein smirked and laughed dryly. Konan appeared next to him looking nervous and smiling shyly at Sasori. "H-hi Sasori. Are you still mad? We can leave… if you're going to kill someone, kill him, because it was his brilliant idea to talk to you after you flipped out more than I've ever seen you flip out and you didn't even actually lose it you just kind of—"

"Konan. Save your breath," Pein glanced at her and smiled slightly, then turned back to Sasori. "I need to tell you something about Deidara."

"That he's an irresponsible, immature, compulsive liar?" Sasori scowled then grimaced as the movement of his face caused his nose to cry out in pain again. He sighed and leaned against his doorframe, lowering his hand, giving Pein a blank stare. Pein smirked at his nose and took the stare as the signal to keep talking.

"Did Deidara do that to you?"

"I didn't know he could actually hit."

Pein laughed. "He is unpredictable, I suppose. Anyway, I came to tell you that you probably think Deidara's irrational, immature, spontaneous, and reckless. Which, I suppose, in certain ways he is, as you saw at the park," he paused and smirked at Sasori's expression at the mention of the park, "And certainly, it's wrong to lie to his sister like that. I understand your reasons for exposing the truth to Ino. However, he has his reasons. Trust me, he does not like to lie to her but he did it for her own good at the cost of his sense of moral. Maybe you don't understand it and you might never truly understand him, but despite all the stupid things Deidara does, he has a reason for everything. He has a good heart. He just has blunt ways of dealing with things. He's reckless; he doesn't think before he acts. So don't judge him based on this one lie," Pein paused, smiling softly as he noticed Sasori looked away in something resembling guilt, "Don't judge him. He has a lot more offer than what you saw today."

"Sasori, please don't kick him out," Konan blurted out, her face flushed, "I know you hate lying more than anything, especially to your family, but please. He did this for her sake, you saw how she reacted. He just wanted to protect her; maybe he had plans to go to med school later, you never know! Give him another chance. Please?"

After a few moments of silence, Sasori sighed and spoke in a low voice. "If he comes back, I will allow him in," Sasori stated quietly and slammed the door shut, the sound of footsteps getting more and more distant.

Pein and Konan stared at the door and glanced at each other, smirking and smiling, respectively.

"I think we got through to him."

"Of course we did! You're a very persuasive speaker."

"Oh, am I?"

"Yes! With everyone! Except me."

**-X-x-X-**

"Fucking arse, un."

Deidara grumbled as he walked along the sidewalk. He wasn't watching where he was going and so he occasionally bumped into people, earning a glare then an odd look. He supposed he could have grabbed a pair of pants before he stomped out, but by the time he realized it he refused to swallow his pride and walk back into Sasori's apartment. He sighed and continued kicking the empty beer can that was on the sidewalk, scowling.

"What gave him the damn right to do that, un?" he continued muttering to himself. While he had to admit that Sasori was right in that he shouldn't have lied to Ino like that, he just couldn't fathom how Sasori could so easily sit there and watch what he had to desperately tried to preserve wither away. The smug look and arrogant smirk would forever be etched in the panic-stricken Deidara's mind. He looked like he was _enjoying_ it. Like he was some kind of hero for revealing the truth.

"Whoa, hey there."

Deidara looked up with a start and saw the blue haired one from earlier, Kisame?, standing in front of him with an amused expression. After a few moments he seemed to recall what happened earlier and cleared his throat, looking away. "Sorry, forgot about that whole… er, you want to go get some coffee or something?"

"Yeah sure, un," Kisame turned and headed back where he had just come from and Deidara raised an eyebrow at this but disregarded it. There was an awkward silence between them and Deidara laughed bitterly suddenly, earning a curious look from Kisame. "Is he always like that, un?"

"Huh?" Kisame answered immediately, seeming relieved Deidara had spoken, "Nah. We were all pretty surprised, to be honest. Sasori's a cool guy; we don't know what made him snap. Did you break one of his puppets or something?" he meant it as a joke but based on Deidara's glare, he instantly regretted saying it. "Uh… kidding. What do you want?" he asked as they turned into a Starbucks.

"Grande mocha, un," Deidara muttered as he brushed past Kisame and waited at the end. He leaned against the wall, lost in his own thoughts, as people brushed past him to get their drinks. He didn't notice Kisame come up to him until the taller man waved a hand in front of Deidara and flicked his forehead to get his attention. Instantly, Deidara blinked and looked up.

"Did you get into a fight with Sasori?" Kisame asked and gestured towards Deidara's slightly swollen lip. His fingers flitted over the corner for a moment before he smirked and nodded. Kisame chuckled, "Guess he got really riled up then. Sasori only fights if he's seriously pissed off."

"He's got some problems to sort through, un," Deidara muttered, darkening at the mention of Sasori. "What's his problem, seriously? He has no right to do that to me, un. He doesn't even know anything about me," Deidara grumbled and took his drink, taking a deep gulp and hacking as he felt the steaming hot liquid scorch his tongue.

Kisame chuckled in amusement as he and Deidara walked over to one of the window seats and sat down, leaving their drinks on the counter in front of them to cool down. The seat was cool and the counter was smooth, with no traces of residue from other drinks left over. People walked past the glass wall and occasionally glanced it, scowling at how many people there were and walked past. It was usually a comforting atmosphere, but after what happened today, even a sauna would seem like a tense atmosphere. Kisame played with the lid for a few moments before speaking. "He's not that bad."

"What, un?"

"Sasori," he said, "he really isn't that bad. I've never seen him like that; he only gets angry if something really annoyed him. How much do you know about him?" Kisame asked and turned to Deidara. The blonde's eyes widened in surprise before he scoffed and turned away, showing his profile to _Sasori's_ friend. He couldn't even bear to think of the name. Just the thought irritated him; he needed to call one of his friends and ask if he could stay for the night. He absolutely refused to go back to that apartment.

"Nothing. Except he's a prick, un."

The older man smiled in amusement and instinctively, reached out and ruffled the blonde hair. Deidara jerked back and glared at him, to which he laughed. "Sorry, natural habit. Sasori's just as stubborn as you are and I do that to annoy him. Glad to see it works on you too."

"Don't you dare compare me to him, un," Deidara growled and took another long sip of his drink. He rested his elbow on the table and leaned against his palm as he stared out the window lazily, annoyance still etched on his face. He thought that getting out of the apartment would help him to cool off but he certainly didn't expect to meet up with Kisame. He was about to leave and wander around by himself outside when the other started talking again.

"Did you know he hates having his things touched?" Kisame asked lightly, taking a sip. He heard no retort from Deidara and when he looked over, he was looking down. He still seemed angry but it wasn't as severe as before; he was playing with a straw wrapper left behind under the counter and seemed to be focusing on that but Kisame knew better. He had an uncanny resemblance to Sasori and he knew that despite how he didn't seem like he was listening, he was hanging onto every word. "So when you said that you went through his stuff, that was strike one. He's also extremely antisocial, so strike two was when you said you just mailed a key. I have to say, I agree, it was kind of rash to mail it in case it did fall into the wrong hands. You're lucky the right person got the key."

"That's still no reason to ruin the way my sister views me, un," Deidara muttered quietly. He supposed he had been reckless when he went through Sasori's stuff without permission first. He had just been living alone for so long and even before that, he would go through Ino's things whenever he suspected something that he had forgotten about respecting one's privacy at first. And the key thing, he supposed he could have taken more precautions such as asking Sasori first and delivering it himself. He liked to live on the edge, but he forgot that not everyone was like him. And it _was_ Sasori's apartment. He had just been crashing there for twenty four hours; he had no right to make any rules yet.

"But strike three was when you lied to your sister," Kisame looked over, smiling softly, "You don't mess around with lying in front of Sasori. He's had bad experiences, especially with lying in the family. Not trying to judge you because I don't know what it feels to be the one lying, but Sasori was the one that was lied to and it completely messed up his relationship with his grandmother. So he doesn't look very favorably on those who lie to loved ones." Deidara kept looking down, feeling guilt claw on him from the inside. While he was always thinking of protecting Ino's feelings, he never considered what would happen once he told her the truth. But just imagining it, she would probably be more devastated than she was and if Sasori experienced that then…

"Fine, un!"

Kisame was startled to see Deidara jump off the stool and stalk towards the door. The outburst had been sudden and Deidara refused to look him in the eye. "I'll apologize to the damn bastard, un! So get off my case!" he huffed, his face completely red, as he pushed his way out of the Starbucks and quickly walked past in front of Kisame back towards the apartment. Kisame chuckled; it was ironic how similar the two were yet how they were polar opposites as well. He sipped his drink again; this was definitely one of his better ideas with Itachi.

Meanwhile, Deidara barely realized where he was going as he stomped through Tokyo in his pajamas with a Starbucks drink in his hand and the other clutching the key tightly. He weaved through the maze of people, a look of determination etched across his face. Deidara was a very proud person, but he knew when he had to apologize. He had messed up this time and Sasori deserved an apology, not only for what happened while their friends were there, but also for the bloody nose. He thought about making a joke out of it, how it matched his hair, but then he figured he'd have a lot more than a slightly busted lip.

It was almost November and he could definitely tell as the cold wind bit as his exposed limbs and face; pajamas were not meant to be worn outside in fall. Usually he would take his time and take in the fall scenery but he was impatient to get back; he hated feeling guilty and he wanted to get rid of it before he felt so guilty that he actually apologized with a bunch of flowers or something.

He glanced up and realized he had reached the apartment complex. Sighing to calm his jumping nerves, he yanked the door open and stomped through the lobby, barely glancing at the 'welcome back' greeting from the front desk. He pressed the button on the elevator impatiently, watching as the light descended ever so slowly. When the sleek doors finally opened, he slid in, barely noticing the other presence in the elevator. A teenager glanced at him and smirked. "Nice pajamas, bro."

The elevator reached the sixth floor and Deidara smirked at him as the doors opened. "At least I've got something to put in them, un," he retorted and slipped out, leaving the self conscious boy to flush darkly and look down.

Deidara paused at the door, his hand a few inches away from knocking. He bit his lip and decided to use the key instead. With a click, the door opened and he stepped in cautiously, looking around for any signs of red hair. He closed the door behind him quietly and slipped out of his shoes, leaving his drink and key on the kitchen table, peering around. "Sasori, un?"

"Sasoriii? You're not going to jump out at me from behind a door with a knife or something, right, un?" Deidara called as he peered into his study room. Seeing that the desk was empty, he frowned and was about to try to pick the lock to Sasori's room when something caught his eye. Poking his head through the gap again, he looked at the walls and his blue eyes widened. The door creaked as he pushed it open slowly and stepped into the room, walking carefully as if the floor were made of thin glass. He held his breath as he made his way through the large, empty room towards the left wall, staring at it in amazement.

Puppets.

Everywhere. Small ones that were set up in some kind of a scene like miniature dolls depicting either a scene from a book (there was a small card that identified the book and scene) or just puppets in general, carefully propped up with a stand, the strings either hidden behind them or holding them up adorned the bookcases against the walls. The bookcases didn't have the normal horizontal shelvings; instead, there were boxes of different sizes and Sasori made the use of every size possible. Nimbly, Deidara ran his finger along the face of a two foot puppet of Romeo next to a puppet of Juliet. The small card in the front corner had Sasori's handwriting on it. Deidara glanced at it and smiled slightly, feeling impressed.

_Used by the Tokyo Puppet group in 2007 for their production of _Romeo and Juliet.

Deidara knew very little about the world of puppets, but he knew of renowned puppeteers and groups that traveled and performed throughout Japan and the rest of the world. He was impressed; the Tokyo Puppet group was definitely one he would go to if he had time (and money). The scenery was always beautiful and the puppets were absolutely exquisite. To think that Sasori's puppets would be used by the elite almost made him busy. That placed Sasori on a much higher level of art skill than himself and he suddenly felt ashamed for treating him so disrespectfully.

Traveling down the wall, he nodded as he looked at each puppet. There were so many yet the quality of each never lessened; each one had the same precision and perfection. There was no dust on the bookshelves and no clothes were rumpled. Turning around, he looked at the other wall. Like the one he was just examining, there were all different kinds of puppets everywhere, yet this wall was different in that it had a huge puppet in the bottom middle. Eyes wide, Deidara walked over and squatted down, glancing at the name card.

_Hiruko. First puppet ever made._

It looked quite grotesque at first, but that didn't stop Deidara from staring at it. The tan head was bald with the exception of five oddly strands of hair looking like claw marks. The back was a large, orange Goblin-looking mask with a scorpion tale coming out of it and resting on the floor around him, and though human, it was positioned like a bulldog with its arms bent and hands in and the legs in an odd position that Deidara couldn't even fathom attempting. A mask covered the lower half of the face and the eyes were open and piercing, as if it was a real person. The resemblance to a real human was almost terrifying; Deidara was half expecting Hiruko to come alive suddenly and attack him with the scorpion tale, but as he ran his finger against the face it was cool and wooden.

_"_They're beautiful, un," Deidara breathed as he stood up and surveyed the wall again. He wondered just how much time went into each of these. Hours? Days? Weeks? Months, even? He couldn't believe how Sasori would spend so much time on something and just leave it there; if it were Deidara, he would blow everything up as soon as he could to see something beautiful become _real_ art.

"Brat?"

Deidara looked towards the door where Sasori's voice carried and he quickly exited, closing the door behind him softly. Sasori had his back towards him as he surveyed the living room before he sensed the other's presence and turned around, frowning slightly. After Pein had left, he had retired to his room to focus on his homework but found he couldn't keep but wonder if and when Deidara would return. Something resembling an apology was at the tip of his tongue, but his pride refused to let him say it and he crossed his arms, looking away.

"Danna, un."

Sasori looked up quickly, his eyes wide with surprise at what Deidara had addressed him as. He thought it was a joke but seeing the grin and slightly bashful scratch to the back of his head told him otherwise. He had been addressed as that before, but it was odd being addressed like that by Deidara. "…What?"

"Danna," Deidara repeated, as if it was nothing out of the ordinary, "I'll make dinner, un. I saw some spaghetti and tomato sauce lying around," he brushed past the redhead and opened the cupboards, taking out a pot. He walked over to the sink and began filling it, feeling Sasori's questioning eyes on him. "Your puppets are beautiful, un," he commented offhandedly as he decided he had enough water and placed the pot on the stove, turning it on and covering it with a glass lid. He turned around and leaned against the counter, smiling slightly, "They really are, un."

Sasori, who suddenly felt awkward with this praise coming from the person who just bloodied his entire face a few hours earlier, scoffed and looked away, clearing his throat to hopefully clear the embarrassment. "…I don't want that much sauce."

"Okay, un," he heard Deidara say as Sasori turned around and headed back towards his room. Just as he was about to enter, he glanced at the balcony, noticing the sheets outside. He hadn't realized what he was doing until he was hanging them out; he barely even remembered taking them and using the washing machine. Sometime between going into his room to do his homework, Sasori imagined that he must have come out and looked in Deidara's room and seen the dirty sheets. Having nothing better to do, he then decided to wash them because if he didn't they might be permanently stained.

"Brat."

"Yeah, danna, un?" The nickname was going to stick, Sasori noted with dry amusement.

"…I washed your sheets. Be sure to take them in when they're dry," Sasori said after a brief pause and slipped into the room, closing the door behind him. Deidara blinked and looked out the balcony and laughed, seeing the sheets he had stained with paints the night before. He thought the minute Sasori saw them he would be evicted but the fact that they were washed and hung out to dry for him proved otherwise.

He grinned. "Thanks, danna, un."

**Author's Notes: I have this paranoid feeling that, like most of my stories, as the story progresses, the quality of each chapter deteriorates… literally, the first chapter of every one of my stories is THE most well written. So if you notice a decline in quality… don't feel bad to tell me so… I will be very grateful… **

**Is this getting too sappy and sentimental? I have a feeling it is. People are overflowing with kindness and feelings and these people are **_**not**_** supposed to be kind and emotional. I need to fix that. **

**I have a problem with words. I'm sorry. I thought this was going to be a shorter chapter, around 6k words or so, but it ended up being more than 11.5k… I don't even know how it happened. Thank you for your lovely reviews last chapter I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review!**


	5. pre birthday woes

****.disclaimer : don't own.****

_**.chapter five : pre-birthday woes.**_

"How's Deidara?"

Sasori looked up in surprise and shrugged, picking up another piece of sushi with his chopsticks. It was lunchtime and he was eating with Kisame, Itachi, and Konan. Konan was frantically studying for a history test she had later that afternoon while the other three were leisurely eating their food. Kisame gave Sasori's sushi as distasteful glance and returned to his own ramen while Itachi managed to eat his fried rice without dropping a single grain.

"No idea."

"Are you two on good terms now?" Konan asked as she slammed her textbook shut with flourish and pulled the pre-packaged sandwich towards her. She watched Sasori as she pulled the wrapping off and took a bite into it, wincing when she tasted onion. She managed to swallow that bite but took the top piece of bread off and began picking out the pieces, to the amusement of the others. It was a well known fact that Konan hated onions and it was a frequent prank to sneak some into her food and watch her reaction.

"We were never on good terms to begin with," Sasori answered shortly and returned to his lunch. After he and Deidara had indirectly and subtly "apologized" to each other more than a week ago, things had reverted back to normal. Lots of hate, much annoyance, and absolutely no tolerance for each other. The only difference, to be honest, was that they now didn't physically fight anymore. Sasori was grateful for school for once; he could get away from Deidara for most of the day. "He spends his day in the apartment eating ice cream and watching television like an idiot."

"You sure you're okay with him eating all your food?" Kisame glanced up at him, "You go ballistic when one of us eats the last of your strawberries. I find it ironic that someone as bitter like you loves strawberries so much…"

Sasori glared at him and opened another packet of soy sauce. Itachi mentioned something about needing clarification on something and Kisame jumped on top of it (Sasori never told him, but his little infatuation was painfully obvious) and Konan cracked open her book and immersed herself in it again as she put the half eaten sandwich down. He leaned against his hand with his elbow against the table and let his eyes sweep around the dining hall. As usual it was crowded with students from every school on campus, talking to each other and waiting in line to get food. It was packed and it made his head pound; Sasori tended to avoid eating here if possible but once in a while he would stop by.

He could tell who the different students were. Science majors usually held the food up and scrutinized it, math majors talked about the calories and price, art majors would create "art" (Sasori liked to mentally ridicule them), and history majors, like Konan, were usually immerse in a textbook. Medicine students looked wary of the greasy foods, law students grabbed whatever would be the quickest and most convenient to eat (like Sasori's pre-packaged sushi), and business students looked at what would give them the most food for the least money (except Kisame, who ate whatever he desired.) Sasori didn't like to say that all students were like that but most were; they stuck true to what their majors were stereotyped as.

The undergraduates, of course, were the ones that were in awe of everything. With each passing year the look of awe diminished slightly, but it was still present. Being early November, it was still early in the year so the freshman still stared at everything with huge eyes and the seniors still believed they ran the university. The freshman, to Sasori, were the ones that he enjoyed watching the most. After the initial shock of going from running their high schools to being the bottom of the pile of undergrad and grad students, they then acted like wide eyed five year olds in a candy store. These were the people that Sasori enjoyed to trip on occasion and mislead, such as telling them that Math 200 was, indeed, in the pool hallway.

A flash of blonde hair garnered his interest suddenly. Sasori blinked and his brown eyes widened as he craned his neck to get a better view. _Deidara? What business would he have at school?_ When the person turned around he immediately smirked at himself for his stupidity and relaxed, seeing it was Ino who was talking avidly to Sakura again. _Like Deidara would be caught dead here._

"What're you laughing at?" Konan had lifted her gaze from her book to take a bite of her lunch. However, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sasori's lips curve into a smirk (for as long as she had known him, he had never genuinely smiled) and instantly her attention was garnered. She looked at him and was surprised to see him smirking at something off in the distance. Following his gaze, her own eyes widened. "Isn't that Deidara's sister?"

"Oh hey, it is," Kisame had joined in and had turned around, craning his neck to see the sibling of the infamous Deidara. He narrowed his eyes to get a better view and saw her angrily throw a wrapped sandwich onto her tray. He raised an eyebrow. "I'm assuming things aren't going well with Deidara?"

"How should I know? That's their business. As far as I'm concerned, Deidara's been staring at his phone and hasn't used it at all," Sasori answered, muttering darkly. It had been true; Sasori had woken up at midnight on random days and wandered into the living room to find a glass of water. Instead, he was met with Deidara staring at his phone blankly.

_"…Are you going to answer that or what?" Sasori asked as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it up with water from the sink. As he took a sip, he strolled over to where Deidara was sitting and the phone beeped again, an envelope flashing on the brightly lit screen indicating a text. For the week or so that Sasori had known him, Deidara treasured his phone and used it whenever he could. It made no sense that he was ignoring a text._

_ "Can't, un."_

_ "And why is that?"_

_ "If I answer the text, it might interfere with Ino's call, un," Deidara answered monotonously. Sasori leaned closer and saw that the blue eyes were glazed and he had a zombie-like expression. He suddenly crinkled his nose as he took a breath and straightened up, frowning._

_ "Take a shower, brat."_

_ "I have to watch my phone, un."_

_ "My apartment, my rules. You reek. Go shower."_

_ "My—"_

_ "If it rings I'll tell you. Now go shower. Otherwise someone's going to think something died in here."_

"Ino hasn't called, huh?" Kisame asked and chuckled, clicking his chopsticks together after he ate a slice of egg, "Have you talked to her, Sasori? You know, since you kind of destroyed her image of her brother."

Sasori looked up to glare at him before eating another piece of sushi, smirking at Kisame's suddenly pained look. "I haven't contacted her and she hasn't called. He's tried to call her a couple of times but always chickens out. I laugh at him when I walk by. What?" he asked, leaning back in annoyance as he rubbed the back of his head where Konan just hit him.

"Sasori, be nicer!"

"Why? He's the one hugging a pillow and downing ice cream like a girl that just broke up with a boyfriend."

Itachi chuckled in amusement as he finished his rice and carefully placed the chopsticks together on top of the bowl. "I am glad to see you chose to not cast Deidara out of your apartment, Sasori." He was slightly surprised but happy with how things worked out. He had strolled past the apartment complex, expecting to see Deidara outside with his bags but he was greeted by the normal doorman. Not only was he glad that Sasori didn't lose his temper and make him move out, but he was also glad that Deidara found it in him to forgive Sasori for what he did. It wasn't easy to deal with either of them. Thus, it only made sense that they deal with each other.

Sasori shrugged. "He made good spaghetti that night. I'll keep him around for the food."

"That's our Sasori. Always finding some kind of use for everything," Kisame grinned and stood up with Itachi. "Well, we've got to finish that stupid partner project so we'll see you guys around," he said and walked off with Itachi, talking to each other about, what Sasori assumed, this mysterious project.

Sasori nodded absentmindedly as the two left. Kisame had left his bowl and chopsticks on the table but Itachi placed his on top of the nearby garbage as they passed it. The bowl and chopsticks went neatly into the black bin and the tray went in the pile. Even with matters such as leftovers and garbage, Itachi was always polite and respectful to the core. Kisame, like his room, was lazy and left things everywhere. Sasori would reprimand him, but the janitors had to get paid for something besides mopping the floors.

"Ahhh," he heard the girl next to him whine, "I'm going to go too, okay? I'll study outside or something… in the quad… on the grass…"

"Where you will undoubtedly fall asleep," Sasori stood up and chucked the plastic container that his sushi was in into the garbage, smirking as he felt Konan's light punch to his arm. As he turned around to pick up his backpack, she was already up and pushing her chair in, swinging her own backpack onto her shoulder and looking at him.

"I have class too, so see you later!" He nodded and she smiled brightly as she waved goodbye and gathered her things, heading the opposite direction of Sasori and pushing her way through the doors of the dining hall.

The redhead sighed as he trudged through the dining hall; unlike Konan, he preferred places where there was no sun. While it would probably be faster to go outside first and cut through the quad to the law building, he didn't mind taking the long way indoors. For one reason, he had plenty of time to spare. And for another, it was his grandmother's class and he certainly did not want to go. Every day as the old lady lectured them she would call on Sasori on one of the harder questions, with the excuse that he "was sleeping." It was a dark room so he couldn't help it. Sasori hated the class since he knew everything already; how could he _not_ sleep?

But regardless, he would always answer the question correctly and the scowl on her face always satisfied him. Whispers would go throughout the lecture hall. _Hey, why does she always call on him? Isn't that his grandmother? WHAT? Why do they hate each other so much?_ As Sasori heard the soft murmurs around him he'd put his head down again and close his eyes, tuning out his grandmother's never ending lectures.

She was a legendary professor; almost all of the students in the class designed to prep for the bar exams would pass. It didn't matter that some juniors (like Sasori) took it; there were cases where juniors were allowed to take the bar exams early. If not, the information was always retained to when they did take it later. Chiyo was strict and stern, but overall, a very good teacher and willing to help those that were willing to work hard. When people asked Sasori if he was such a genius because he received private tutoring from Chiyo, he would glare at them and coldly reply "no chance in Hell would I ask that hag for extra help."

He pushed open the doors and left the dining hall after navigating through it and squinted at the bright sun. Despite it being November and chilly, the sun's brightness didn't decline. He walked the short distance between the building he was just in and the law building, opening the old, wooden doors by pulling on the brass handles and let his eyes readjust to the dim and slightly musty smelling room. He walked through the lobby and into the largest lecture hall on campus; an auditorium that would seat probably five hundred people, though his class only had about a hundred or so. He assumed that the room was huge for classes that introduced undergrad freshmen to the idea of law.

Selecting a seat that was near the middle yet further in back, he sat down and glanced at his phone. 12:47. He still had thirteen minutes before his class was to start and he yawned, folding his arms over his book on top of the small pull out desk and resting his head on them as he heard other students begin to file into the large hall. He heard a couple of giggles and assumed some girls had chosen a seat behind him so they could stare at him and a couple of whispers of other students wanting to sit by him to ask him questions. He rolled his eyes; three years with these people and they didn't understand he was a misanthrope.

"Hello, Sasori."

"Chiyo-baachan," Sasori greeted in a lazy tone and lifted his head slightly to greet his grandmother. She had paused by the row he was in to give him a disapproving glance; there was nothing she hated more than students who succeeded in her class yet slept through it. Ironically, it was her own blood that managed to do this.

"I do hope you will try to stay awake today," she said, "Or was last night's homework too tedious for you?"

"Doesn't matter how you try to make me fail your class by giving me too much work," Sasori smirked, "I'll still get the highest grade probably in all your years of teaching."

She scowled and turned sharply on her heel, offering no retort because both of them knew that what Sasori said was right. He smirked and returned to taking a nap, ignoring the whispers of the other students at the battle of the Akasunas they just witnessed.

Sasori may be rude and impatient, but he certainly was not an immoral person. He believed in filial piety and such; he tended to respect those who were older than him. However, his grandmother was a different story. After his parents died, his grandmother had lied to him until he figured it out himself by seeing their death certificates. Then after that, instead of apologizing and trying to regain his forgiveness and trust (which he would have given her as the five year old he was), she then began to distance herself. She was never affectionate to begin with, but she was even less now. She focused solely on his studies and would only ask about them, never about him.

Luckily for Sasori, he was born with a gifted mind and an innate quality of inhumane stubbornness. As he grew older, he grew more detached from her. Most of their communication (before he moved out for college) consisted of showing her perfect tests, finals, and straight A mid terms and report cards. Dinner was silent and words were often only exchanged if favors were needed. No tidbits of conversation such as "how was your day?" or "are you okay?" were exchanged. Sasori didn't mind too much; it helped him grow up quickly and become independent.

He thought he had even done her a favor by not packing up his things and leaving when he found out that she was lying. Not only did that not cross his mind as a five year old, but he also knew to partially forgive. He wouldn't cause her that much pain of walking out on her right after his parents. Lying to one's family, Sasori would firmly believe from then on, was the worst thing one could do. He would never be like Deidara, he decided as Chiyo began to lecture and glared in his direction.

_Speaking of Deidara…_ Sasori purposely yawned in an extravagant manner, smirking down the rows at Chiyo's scolding and everyone else's curious glances, _I wonder what the brat is doing right now…_

**-X-x-X-**

Meanwhile, Deidara was onto his fourth tub of ice cream, sixth movie, and second pizza.

He sprawled onto the couch as _Inception_ continued to play on the screen, resting a hand on his stomach. He laughed slightly. "One week at danna's will get me the weight I lost from a year, un," he muttered and groaned, sitting up. Ever since he found out that Sasori had every food delivery service simply deduct the money from his bank account when he called, he decided to exploit it with the pizzas and movie rentals. When he found the ice cream one, he was slightly surprised, as he didn't know cartons of ice cream could be delivered and that Sasori would eat something so sweet.

"What the fuck are you doing to yourself?"

Deidara blinked and tilted his head back, seeing Hidan upside down with a thin, silver eyebrow arched and a smirk on his lips. The blue eyes then glanced at the table and he couldn't help but smile; it did look rather odd. "What're you doing here, un?" he asked instead and sat up. He saw Hidan place a key down onto the coffee table and he looked at him questioningly.

"Kakuzu the bastard sent me to drop this off. Said it was fuckin' rude to that dickhead of a roommate of yours," Hidan sighed and collapsed onto the other couch.

"You need something else, un?"

"Nah. But I'm bored, so entertain me, dumbass."

Deidara smirked at Hidan. "How do you have friends with a mouth like that, un?" Back when Deidara was still on the track to become the successful son his parents had always envisioned, he would've looked at people like Hidan and instantly turned away. He was rude, he swore recklessly, and he didn't work hard; three things which Deidara couldn't stand back then. But he had another reason to be glad with his decision; despite the bluntness, tactlessness, and language, Hidan was probably one of the most loyal friends Deidara had ever encountered. He didn't judge and he was always there, unlike the people that only used Deidara for his brains.

Hidan shrugged, grinning. "It's a test. Only shitbags like you actually stick around with me. I have no idea what you're smoking," he leaned back and looked around, "So now what?"

"I'm still sulking that Ino's mad at me, un…" Deidara sighed and picked up his phone, frowning when he saw there were no missed calls. For every day after that one, he had been checking his phone obsessively and waking up Sasori in the middle of the night to ask if he thought Ino would forgive him. Sasori would slap him away and mutter 'yes' and tell him to go back to bed. In the extreme cases where Deidara ignored the command and began making a speech about how he was extremely worried, Sasori would groan and get up and the two would eat something before Deidara finally got tired enough to sleep. However, one morning, Sasori was careless and Deidara saw the packaging of a sleeping pill that the other would sleep into his drink. Ever since then, Deidara was a lot more cautious around him.

Hidan rolled his eyes and smirked at Deidara's obvious distress. "Chill out, all right? It's Ino; you remember how she is. All girls are fucking melodramatic. She'll call you soon and apologize and all that shit." Ever since he had known him, Deidara had his little sister in a special glass box on top of a pedestal with doves and a spotlight. All he had to say her was about how she was such a positive influence in his life. It was kind of odd to him, but it would be heartwarming to others, that an independent, free-spirited artist that exploded things had a soft spot in his heart for his little baby sister.

"All right, we need to get out of this shithole," Hidan announced and stood up, motioning to Deidara with his hand. "Let's go. There's a casino nearby and a bar. You've got to get out of this house before you fucking wither away or something."

"But… my phone…"

"Say goodbye to this piece of shit," Hidan nimbly plucked the phone out of Deidara's fingers and smirked as he pocketed it. "Toughen up, you moron. Let's go. Or no phone for you."

Deidara groaned, covering his face with a hand. What he really wanted to do was stay home but with Hidan having his phone, he was completely at the other's control. Not only to contact Ino but also because of his slight obsession with his phone. Hidan was a good friend, he noted as he peeked through a crack in his fingers. He had odd ways of comforting his friends, most of them including getting him drunk, but it was the thought that counted.

"Fine, un," he sighed and stood up. He headed towards his room and rummaged around the closet for a pair of pants and a shirt as he heard Hidan rummage around in Sasori's refrigerator. The blonde smirked as he heard curses and pulled on a black shirt, grabbing a grey sweater before leaving his room. As he tied his hair into a half ponytail, he raised an eyebrow at Hidan who was munching on celery, looking extremely pissed off.

"Your fucking roommate is a fucking _health_ nut."

"Yeah, danna doesn't eat junk food, un. Unless it's take out," Deidara grabbed his keys and wallet and pocketed them, walking out of the apartment with Hidan behind him. It was true; backwhen they would have midnight snacks, Sasori would munch on some kind of a raw vegetable and Deidara would stare at it and tentatively take a bite. He needed to buy cookies, he decided as he took out his wallet and opened it to see how much money he had. He couldn't help but smile slightly; it made him feel like he was someone. He was properly fed, had properly slept (kind of, at least), had money, and had keys so he didn't have to kick his door open.

"You call him 'danna'? What the fuck, man?" Hidan's voice brought him out of his thoughts and when he looked over, the silver haired man was looking at him with amusement. They had stopped in front of the two elevators and were waiting for one of the doors to open, their reflections in the clean metal. "Last time I was there, you two fucking hated each other."

Deidara laughed and shrugged. "We kind of hashed it out, I guess, un. I recognize artistic talent, you know, and danna is definitely my superior. I'm paying him the respect he deserves, un."

"Or is this suck up so you don't pay the rent for more than three months?" Hidan grinned as Deidara glared at him. The doors opened and the two entered. Deidara huffed and looked away, crossing his arms and tapping his foot against the soft carpet. After a few moments of elevator music, the two glanced at each other again.

"…Is the elevator broken, un?"

"…You didn't press the button for the lobby, dumbass!"

Deidara scowled and crossed his arms irritably after pressing said button. Hearing a curse, he assumed Hidan did the same and for the few seconds that elapsed as the elevator descended the six stories, they remained in a stony silence. Deidara drummed his fingers along his arm, glaring at his reflection, feeling anger bubble up inside of him. When the elevator arrived at its destination, the two walked out together and still remained silent as they went through the lobby. People looked at them oddly since both had the same angry expression yet they walked together still.

"So which one do you want to go to?"

"I don't really care, un. Whichever one has more morons, un."

Once outside, the anger dissipated and they peered left and right. That's how his relationship with Hidan was; they got angry at each other often (both being incredibly short tempered) but they were mature enough to let small matters slide. Apologies were always unspoken but if really dire, they were always shown with some kind of food offering. Deidara liked that; with Hidan, not everything had to be spelled out. He liked that he and Hidan could get along so well without speaking all the time. Words, Deidara felt, were poisonous. The fewer he used the better.

"Hey, maybe you'll win enough to buy that prick a birthday present," Hidan noted as they began walking with the majority of the citygoers. "Pein mentioned that his birthday's coming up. What's today, the sixth?"

"Hm? Danna's birthday, un?" Deidara's ears perked up and he turned to Hidan. He remembered vaguely asking Sasori for his birthday but he had completely forgotten about it. He frowned and searched his brain, berating himself for not being able to remember something just under two weeks ago when he still had physics equations crammed in his head from more than a year ago.

_"November 8__th__."_

"Ah. Shit, un," Deidara stopped walking suddenly. Hidan stopped as well, a couple of steps ahead of him, and people moved around them, glaring at them for obstructing their path. "Hidan, I need to buy danna a present, un."

"Great. Let's go…"

"No. Now, un."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Hidan groaned as Deidara turned on his heel and began walking the other way. Grudgingly, he followed his friend, trying to convince him to change his mind. What Hidan was looking forward to was a day at the casino, seeing if Lady Luck would be kind to him. Not shopping for a health freak's birthday present with Deidara. Not that he didn't like spending time with Deidara, it was just that Deidara happened to be a _very_ meticulous shopper. He would compare weights of products, the prices, and inspect each one to ensure it was the best quality possible. He supposed that it had to do with the fact that Deidara wasn't overflowing with money like he was, but he hated how painstakingly slow it took for Deidara to pick something as simple as a cheese stick. "You sure you don't want to go gambling?"

"Positive, un." Hidan knew that tone; he was stuck with him for the rest of the day. He supposed he could easily leave but he had nothing to do. Sighing, he jogged a couple of steps to catch up with the blonde and walked beside him with his hands in his pocket nonchalantly. He glanced at him and smirked slightly at the look of determination.

Though he and Deidara seemed similar on the outside, they couldn't be any more different. Deidara was the genius prodigy that everyone respected and looked up to. He was the star pupil of every class and could easily get into college. Hidan, however, spent his entire life struggling in academics. Instead of studying, he'd spend his time hanging out with his friends and bullying people around. It hadn't started out that way; he used to study but people would always make fun of something like his hair or his eyes and before he knew it, he controlled the entire school with fear and had a following. And how could he say no to going out at night because he had to study? He spent his middle school and high school years barely skating by in classes with C's and D's and he was the icon of the "rebellious student." He could prop his feet up on the desk in class, sneer at the teacher, talk back, and never do his homework.

When applying to college came around, he didn't even bother. He knew his GPA wasn't nearly high enough for any respectable university and, truthfully, he simply had no motive to go. His entire life people had looked down on him and pitied him; what point would there be in trying to prove them wrong now? He looked at Deidara and was jealous of him. He always had people praise him and what a good student he was. His priority was staying at the top instead of trying to stay in school.

But Hidan didn't hate him. He liked that someone as straight laced as Deidara was could still break free and mess up everything people had expected of him. So in a way he was like Hidan; people now "pitied" them and "looked down" on them. It was a guilty pleasure of his, but he liked that he wasn't the only reject anymore.

"Do you know what the prick likes?" he drawled as he walked beside Deidara. Hidan, with his v-neck grey shirt and bed eyes attracted looks from people as they passed by. Occasionally he'd send a smirk in the direction of a few girls walking together and silently laugh to himself when he heard them freak out. He enjoyed doing that; he gained some sort of sadistic pleasure in knowing he controlled people.

Deidara was also getting looks, but it was because he kept tripping over things. Frustrated, he glanced up at Hidan and shook his head as he pushed a few strands of his long hair away from his face. "Not really, un. Danna isn't home often and he'll eat almost anything I offer him as long as its decently healthy, un." As he trailed off he looked at Hidan and with a start, noticed the weird grin on his friend's face. Feeling chills go through him, Deidara narrowed his blue eyes in suspicion. "…What, un?"

"That's fucking adorable."

"What is, un?" he was getting more irritated; he hated when someone seemed to know something he didn't.

"You call it _home_."

"…Oh shut up, un." Deidara flushed darkly and looked away as he heard Hidan laugh. As he looked to his left towards the line of shops, a certain one caught his attention and his eyes widened. It was a small shop sandwiched between a boutique and an electronics store, but the fact that clay was displayed in the window immediately garnered his attention. "Hidan, un."

"…Oh _fuck_ no. Last time you dragged me in an art store, we only left because I passed out from fucking hunger! You tune everything out when you're in that shithole and you only stare at your damn clay and… oi, are you even listening?" Hidan yelled as Deidara turned sharply and headed towards the store. Groaning, Hidan brought a hand up to his face and messed up his silver hair. "Fuck, I've lost you already, man."

**-X-x-X-**

Sasori just sat through the most excruciating lecture of his life.

He had fallen asleep about seven times and his grandmother called on him all seven times to answer a question. As usual he answered correctly and (as a fellow student kindly informed him after class) she continued drilling him with questions while he was asleep and he answered them all without skipping a beat. Chiyo had looked extremely infuriated and like she was about to throw her textbook at him but managed to refrain from doing so as the other students giggled. Sasori smirked and thanked the student (who was a girl, so she scurried off squealing), feeling rather pleased with his subconscious.

And now he was heading back to his apartment. It was about three and he was just boarding the subway. On a Friday night, most students had plans after school. Sasori usually did too, courtesy of his friends, but tonight Konan had said she had to visit a sick friend and Kisame and Itachi had their project. Sasori didn't mind too much; he enjoyed going home and spending a nice quiet evening. It was at times like these when he thought he might find a minute or two to look at his puppets and possibly work on them. The thought of feeling the smooth tools and the crude wood beneath his fingers caused a warm feeling to spread across him. As he sat down in one of the seats he closed his eyes and began to see the image before him. He would go home and throw his books to the side. He would then go into his study and sit down at the desk. Instead of taking out homework, he could pick up an unfinished puppet and begin to work on it.

It would be a completely soothing atmosphere and he would be so at peace. There would be no one to distract him and no one to annoy him.

As his daydream continued, he realized there was something odd in it. Something bright yellow with something that was small but distinctly blue. The yellow blob gradually formed into hair and the small blue thing began to clarify into an eye, an annoyingly loud voice and infamous speech impediment suddenly coming into the picture as well. Feeling cold suddenly, Sasori's eyes opened and he mentally groaned.

_I forgot about the brat._

So much for a quiet evening with no one to distract him, Sasori sighed. He caught sight of an elderly grandmother looking around and immediately he sat up and gestured towards the now vacant seat. She smiled at him and thanked him and Sasori nodded in return. With one hand in his coat pocket, his other held onto the pole next to him as he glanced at the stop he just passed. In five minutes or so he would be home, hopefully greeted by his apartment the way he left it this morning instead of a pile of burnt rubble. As the subway stopped, he was the first out of the door and quickly walked through the subway station and into the cool weather outside.

He looked down, causing half his face to be concealed by his scarf. He liked the fall weather; he would always rather be cold than hot. He liked to have the excuse of wearing extra layers; he liked to feel like he was hidden. Deidara, he thought dryly, probably preferred the summer out of the four seasons. Turning left and going up the stairs, he gave a curt nod to the doorman who opened the door for him. As he trudged through the lobby and made his way to the elevator, he sighed again. He did not look forward to returning to his apartment with Deidara there.

"Is everything still intact?" he called as he reached his door and unlocked it, pushing it open cautiously. When he was met with a normal scene, he stepped in and closed it, thankful nothing exploded. He frowned and looked around, noting the silence that permeated the apartment. It was too quiet for Sasori's liking and that worried him.

"Brat?" Sasori called and took his shoes off. He dropped his backpack and books in his room and peered through the crack of Deidara's door as he loosened the scarf. When he saw a figure hunched over at the desk he immediately relaxed; a small part of him had been paranoid that Deidara was just waiting behind some door to jump out and scare the crap out of him. "Oi, did you hear me?" Sasori pushed the door open, letting the handle hit the door. He raised an eyebrow in amusement when he saw Deidara jump and hurriedly move something out of the way as a flushed face greeted him. Glancing at bed, he saw Hidan sprawled out and snoring away and he smirked.

"I wasn't aware you had company over."

"He fell asleep, un," Deidara stood up and rubbed his hands together. Sasori noticed they were dirty with clay and he turned around to head towards the kitchen as Deidara flicked Hidan's forehead to wake him up. "I don't care if you're making your "art"," Sasori called over his shoulder and Deidara looked up in surprise, "Just don't explode anything in the apartment and I'll be fine with it."

"Hidan, un! Go home!"

"Ngh…" Hidan muttered and rolled over, giving no indication of wanting to move. Deidara growled and wrapped his blanket around Hidan and next thing Sasori knew, he heard a loud thud and saw Deidara drag the cocooned Hidan through the apartment. He wondered how Hidan could remain asleep as Deidara dragged the body, letting it smash against furniture and the wall. He opened the door and disappeared, the body being dragged with him. After he heard a loud thump, he heard an annoyed yell and saw Deidara return with the blanket, the door being closed and locked just as banging and curses were heard.

"FUCK YOU!"

"I had a great time today with you too, Hidan, un!" Deidara called through the door and headed towards his room. Sasori watched in amusement as he occasionally tripped over the blanket and cursed under his breath. Sighing, he turned around and rummaged through the grocery bags on the counter. Evidently, Deidara had gone shopping earlier that day considering Sasori lived off of foods that were rather bland in flavor save the occasional take out. It was almost ironic to him how he was always stocked up on Pepsi and things like celery or carrots but never bothered to buy any prepackaged meals. He mostly ate healthy foods as to compromise for his Pepsi addiction and lack of exercise; he had no desire nor time to go to the gym daily but he certainly did not want to get out of shape. Thus, he decided, the Pepsi everyday would be all right as long as the rest of his diet was extremely healthy and his exercise came from walking around so much every day.

Deidara came stumbling out of his room a few moments later and joined Sasori as they sifted through the bags. For several moments, it was silent except for the sounds of plastic bags being moved and occasionally something being ripped open until Deidara spoke.

"Happy early birthday, un."

Sasori looked up in surprise, a package of cookies half open in his hands. Looking up, Deidara's eyes lit up and he took the package from his hands and tore it open. As he took a cookie and held it between his teeth, he held it up to Sasori, offering him one. The law student took one and frowned as he watched Deidara then put it down on the table and grab the plastic bag, crumble it up, and throw it into a cupboard where Sasori kept the bags he had for garbage.

"How did you know?"

"You told me once, un," Deidara answered and finished his cookie off. Taking a bottle of water, he took a sip before continuing walking around the kitchen, peering into the refrigerator and in the other cupboards for what he could make for dinner tonight (he assumed the duty of cooking was bestowed upon him), "Remember? That night we had take out, un? Today's the sixth. Is spaghetti okay with you again, un?"

Without waiting for an answer, Deidara brushed past Sasori and opened the refrigerator. He took out the container of leftover sauce and left it on the counter as he opened a cupboard and retrieved a pot. He then stood up and walked over to the sink and turned the tap on, drumming his fingers on the handle as he waited for it to fill up with water. Sasori relaxed and smiled slightly, chuckling under his breath. He turned around to go to his room but paused and turned around slightly.

"Deidara."

"Hm? Not a brat anymore, un?" Deidara turned around and grinned at Sasori after he turned the stove on and placed the lid on top of the pot.

"…Thanks."

"Don't get used to it, un. I won't always be this nice to you."

Smirking, Sasori retreated to his room and closed the door behind him. He headed towards his desk and opened his backpack but as he was reaching in to take out a folder, he decided against it. Standing up, he walked over to his bed and sprawled out, stretching as he sank into the soft heaven. He had almost forgotten it was his birthday, to be honest. It wasn't something he celebrated every year; it just signified that he was getting older. It was just another day to him.

_"Happy birthday, Sasori!"_

But the fact that Deidara, someone he had known for less than a month, remembered and wished him to have a happy one made him happy. His own friends never forgot (they had an almost creepy obsession with his birthday) but they were odd; he would be more surprised if they forgot. But aside from them, he was used to people forgetting. Coworkers at the odd jobs he had sometimes, fellow students, even his own grandmother neglected wishing her grandson a happy birthday sometimes.

_"You're a whole year older now!"_

He growled as familiar voices floated through his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed for the voices to disappear but they didn't; they resonated in his empty mind mercilessly. Voices that have haunted him ever since he was five always intensified when it approached this particular day. He didn't want to hear them anymore; he wanted to completely break free from the past and not have it affect him. But he couldn't do that and it drove him crazy; he was Sasori, he was supposed to be able to control everything that came his way.

_"Happy birthday, Sasori!"_

He used to be so happy. Like any toddler, he loved spending time with his parents, laughing and having a good time. Because as a child, one's whole world is his parents. They were the first things he saw when he woke up and the last things before he went to bed; they were his whole world and he'd still remember the moment he found out they were dead.

_ "Smile with Mommy for a picture!"_

His mother was beautiful. Sometimes he would flip through old photo albums if he was feeling particularly reminiscent or look at the picture of him and his parents in his wallet. She had long brown hair and forever smiling brown eyes. From what he remembered, her touch was always gentle and she would always sing to him when he couldn't fall asleep. She was kind and gentle and even now, her serene smile would haunt him in his dreams.

_ "Do you want Daddy to give you a piggy back ride?"_

Sasori got his red hair from his father; that was something he'd note dryly whenever he saw pictures. His vivid red hair and brown eyes would always stare back at Sasori whenever he looked at himself in the mirror. He was intelligent and kind; Sasori remembered learning the art of puppetry from him at first. After their death, Sasori continued working on the art passionately, using it as a link between him and his parents. He cherished it, thinking it was the last thing that connected the two together.

_ "Sasori, are you lonely?"_

He hated not being able to let go of this; this was something that happened nineteen years ago and yet every year around his birthday, he would find himself wallowing in depression and self pity. He hated his birthday; it was always around this time that he would break out of his emotionless character and find himself missing his parents sorely and wishing his grandmother was slightly more affectionate to him. He had friends and he knew they cared for him (at least, he assumed they did) but they could never fill that void within him, one that he always kicked himself for because he just couldn't control it.

"Danna, un?"

Removing his arm from covering his eyes and opening one to look at Deidara, he turned his head to his side. Deidara was standing at the doorway, worry gracing his features slightly upon seeing the current state of Sasori. He looked like he was sick, with a pale face and tired looking eyes, and cold sweat caused strands of his hair to stick to his face. As he watched him sit up, he saw he was struggling and tired looking, his voice rasping out, "What, brat?"

"Uh… dinner's ready, un," Deidara answered, frowning slightly as Sasori rolled off his bed and stood up. As he walked towards the door, Deidara moved to the side and noticed that Sasori's fingertips brushed against the wall and occasionally he applied more pressure, as if he was supporting himself because standing was too hard. "Danna, are you all right, un?"

"Fine." Sasori answered curtly as he brushed by Deidara and headed towards the kitchen. What he felt as he walked by his roommate was a bright, radiating aura. One that slightly repulsed him yet attracted him. What Sasori wanted to be was that happy and he couldn't understand how Deidara, who right now not only had no future but also lost ties with the most important person in his life, was so optimistic. If Sasori lost the security of his future in addition to his family, he doubted he would be able to be as happy as Deidara seemed to be; it was just another thing that he didn't understand about his roommate.

Sitting down at the table, he rested his chin in his palm as he waited for Deidara to serve him his dinner. Thankful that there was no 'you are in no way superior to me, un!' rant that he always received when he simply sat down and waited, he nodded in appreciation as Deidara set a plate of steaming spaghetti in front of him with a fork. He felt the curious gaze as Deidara sat down across from Sasori, staring at Sasori with his blue eyes as he began to eat his spaghetti.

"I'm fine," Sasori answered, never lifting his gaze from the newspaper he was reading after discovering it just laying around on the table. He was used to people staring at him and was good at figuring out what each look meant. Deidara's wide blue eyes and lack of attention to detail (spaghetti sauce was all over his face and shirt) indicated that the focus of his attention was Sasori. He was horrible at being obvious and frankly, it was kind of amusing.

"No you're not, un."

Sasori looked up in surprise at the sudden definitive tone in Deidara's voice. He had put down his fork and suddenly his prying gaze was replaced with a very smug one. The corners of her lips were curled up into a smirk and he crossed his arms, looking incredibly confident.

"And how do you know that?" Sasori smirked in response and took another bite of his dinner. That aching feeling was lessening and he was feeling better. It was only around his birthday that he liked distractions. Homework, random outings with his friends, even more random surprise parties planned by his friends, or even a forced and awkward dinner with his grandmother (just for the sake of portraying the "good" grandson); anything that would distract him from his thoughts, Sasori seized the opportunity. This year, he realized with slight amusement, he would have absolutely no problem finding the distraction he needed.

"I dumped soy sauce in your spaghetti, un. And you still haven't noticed," Deidara announced smugly, grinning widely. To prove his point, he looked at Sasori's spaghetti and the redhead frowned, using his fork to prod around and, sure enough, he saw that the bottom most noodles were drenched in the brown liquid.

"…I'm going to kill you, brat."

**-X-x-X-**

"Pein! It's Sasori's birthday in two days!"

"…Should I just bring a bottle of wine?"

Konan frowned and crossed her arms, standing behind the couch that Pein was currently sitting on in her apartment. After work he would stop by since she was on his way home and sometimes spend the night, usually because she would decide he was too tired to make the trip home. She glanced at what he was doing and at first it looked like paperwork. However when she peered closer, she realized he was making a diagram of something, drawing lines and arrows with different labels. "…What are you doing?"

"Playing matchmaker," he answered simply and drew another line, scribbling something, "Two of my friends are obviously stupidly infatuated with each other. I've decided to help them." And it was true; Pein had watched Hidan and Kakuzu stupidly and unintentionally flirt with each other for all these years. Whether they knew it or if they actually even had those feelings, Pein didn't care. He believed they did so as far as he was concerned, they would be in love with each other in his world and he could mess with their heads.

"…Great," Konan rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's oddness and leaned over the couch, accidentally tumbling over. Pein glanced at her as she somehow landed on the seat without flipping over and in return, she grinned proudly at him, running her fingers through her hair to quickly make it look neater. "I told you I used to do gymnastics in high school."

"Or that you have incredible dumb luck."

He smirked at Konan's glare and returned to his diagram, tapping the eraser of his pencil against the crisp sheet of paper. _I've sent Kakuzu over to Hell. Now where do I send the devil…?_

"Let's throw a surprise party for Sasori!" Konan announced suddenly and began bouncing on the couch and Pein felt himself moving slightly. He glanced at her and smiled as he watched her begin to ramble about what she wanted to do for Sasori. He thought that how much she cared for him was touching; within his group of friends, they agreed that on birthdays they would go to the nearest bar and drink. No one would ever be as excited as Konan was and give this much thought. "I can probably ask Chiyo-san to keep him after class or something and then we can go to his apartment and set up and hey, do you think Deidara will help? The two seem to be on okay terms now, not exactly great terms, but Sasori hasn't kicked him out so it's still good! And I think…"

"Konan," Pein reached a hand out and put it on the back of her head, pulling her in to silence her with a quick kiss to the lips. When he pulled back, he smirked at the blush evident on her cheeks. "Hidan told me earlier that Deidara was planning on doing something for Sasori. Since he doesn't seem like the type to want to spend the whole day doing something extravagant, how about just a dinner? It still shows thought and won't tire him out."

The blue haired girl stared at him for a couple of seconds before pouting and sinking back into her seat. She crossed her arms and Pein couldn't help but laugh as he put his plans down on the coffee desk and turned to look at her. "But I want to celebrate Sasori's birthday!"

"You can. From a distance," he laughed again when she shot him an irritated look and looked away again in mock anger. "Look, you've been helping him celebrate his birthday for years now, right? I think Itachi and Kisame found him a roommate so he could broaden his social circle. I'm sure he's grateful that the three of you celebrate it with him, but what happens when the four of you part ways? And besides, I am confident that Deidara will be able to do his fair share of celebrating."

He could tell that he got through to her. When she quieted down and zoned out, that always meant that she was processing what he said and would see the sense in the words. If not, she would bite back with a retort, one which he would easily crush unless he decided to let her win an argument (he realized that letting her win sometimes were vital to their relationship.)

"…So what am I supposed to do…?" she frowned sadly. Planning Sasori's birthday was one of her favorite things to do; she loved to try to break him out of his shell. But she had to admit, Pein did have a point and Itachi and Kisame did have logical reasoning behind their finding a roommate for him. She wouldn't be with Sasori forever and she would have to let go of him eventually.

"Call everyone and plan a dinner on that night. Speaking of Itachi and Kisame, you realize Kisame likes him, right?" Pein added as Konan picked up her laptop nearby to start researching restaurants. When she heard him say that, immediately she stopped and turned to him slowly; her fingers were hovering right above the keypad and Pein blinked a few times.

"…You didn't realize that?"

"He _does_?"

A grin began to spread across Konan's face and suddenly, Pein felt that not being able to plan a party for Sasori was the least of her worries. One of the things that attracted him to her was that she was very earnest and determined. Her intentions were always pure and she never tried to deceive anyone for her own benefit. She always had other people as her priority; it was this selflessness that Pein found himself attracted to. However, he had to admit, sometimes she did get _too_ determined.

"…I feel an irresistible urge to apologize to Kisame now."

**Author's Notes: I don't know if I should be proud or annoyed that this is so slowly paced. I wrote this with the intention of improving my writing which means fewer of those line breaks, more descriptions, better paced, but I didn't know it would be so… SLOW. I'm praying that writer's block/boredom doesn't set in right now. Because if I can get through these next four chapters, all will be well. I have other things as an outlet for any random needs to write something SasoDei (mostly **_**Des Couleurs**_** because an oneshot for **_**Artistic Masterpieces**_** takes more thought and inspiration) but I really want to finish this… **

**I realized I kind of forgot that I'm supposed to have side pairings in this story. So that explains the last scene (and I needed some way to end this chapter). Trying to figure out how to get them moving along without dragging everything out even more… Haha, the title for this chapter is so bad and cheesy. I need to work on titling. **

**Thank you for the lovely reviews last time! They always make me smile especially during school (yeah, I check my email kind of obsessively, haha. Just wait until college decisions start to come out… I will be glued to my phone…)! Thanks for reading, please review!**


	6. the marionette

****.disclaimer : don't own.****

_**.chapter six : the marionette.**_

Sasori loved Saturdays.

He loved being able to sleep in and wake up at his own leisurely pace; instead of _having_ to wake up at seven, he could wake up at seven by _choice_. It made all the difference, though Sasori usually went back to sleep and got up around ten. Choice was a beautiful thing, he would think as he snuggled into his pillows and blankets. Since he had very little choices he could make (whether it was law school or dealing with Deidara), he cherished the ones he had. So on Saturdays, Sasori always made his own choice of sleeping in and ignoring anything that might be occurring.

Except he was extremely worried this morning when he heard someone banging and cursing at his oven.

"Fuckin' piece of shit, un!"

The fact that Deidara was still speaking meant that the apartment wasn't in flames, Sasori reasoned and for that logic, he leisurely got out of bed instead of jumping out like he would have. As he stood up, he scratched his back and opened the door, frowning as he peered outside. What he saw was an interesting sight indeed: Deidara was standing in front of the oven and trying to twist the knob desperately as he kicked the appliance.

"What do you need the oven for this early in the morning?" Sasori drawled as he yawned and walked towards him. He saw Deidara's head jerk up in shock at the new voice and instantly grabbed a bowl and put it on the counter to cover something. Sasori raised an eyebrow and stared at the bowl with slight interest. "What's that?"

"Nothing, danna, un. You're up already?" he asked as Sasori reached the oven and pushed the knob in before turning it. He glanced at Deidara who sheepishly grinned, "…Thanks, un. Guess I never thought of that."

"Well, you were kicking and screaming at my oven. I figured I should resolve this problem," he sighed and yawned again, turning around to return to the comforts of his bed. "I'm going back to bed. Don't burn anything down, brat."

Deidara watched Sasori meander back into his room and close the door, smirking slightly. The first time he had woken Sasori from his slumber, he had found it odd that he was shirtless. Sasori, of all people, would sleep in pajamas, Deidara had assumed, because of his whole knack for privacy thing. But apparently he didn't care so much about physical privacy, only privacy of his items.

Gently, he lifted the bowl he nearly smashed down onto the counter and picked up the small clay sculptures as the oven began to preheat to the temperature he had set moments ago. He smirked as he turned them over in his hands; these were some of his finest works, no doubt. Every last detail was carved to perfection and he stayed up all night (with the help of coffee and power naps) to complete this. He would need all day to paint and so he thought ahead and called Pein and Konan to distract Sasori by taking him out later. He supposed he could have called Hidan and Kakuzu or some of Sasori's friends, but Deidara figured Sasori would enjoy the day most with Pein and Konan, seeing as they were the most normal. He wasn't sure about Itachi and Kisame (something about Itachi irritated the crap out of him), but he knew Sasori probably wouldn't live the seventeen hours to turn twenty five if he had to spend a whole day with Hidan.

When spending his afternoon with Hidan yesterday in the art store, the silver haired man, aside from his incessant complaining and whining, asked why Deidara was putting so much effort into celebrating an asshole's birthday, Deidara shrugged and smirked, replying with _"He's my danna, un."_

Putting down the clay sculptures and being careful to not ruin them (he hadn't worked this hard on a sculpture on a while), he pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at it. Seeing that he had no new messages or missed phone calls, he scowled and placed it on the counter. He leaned back with his hands on the counter and rested the back of his head against the cupboard, closing his eyes. _Is Ino going to forgive me or what, un…?_ Now that more days had elapsed, he wasn't feeling quite as neurotic. He was still nervous, of course, and scared, but his heart didn't race every time Sasori mentioned seeing Ino at the university or seeing blonde hair and blue eyes (including his own; for the first three days, he avoided all mirrors.)

When he heard the oven 'ping' to indicate it had reached the correct temperature, Deidara opened it and welcomed the heat as he gently placed his sculptures in. He straightened up and closed it, setting a time and walked towards Sasori's door and knocked on it. "Danna, un! Pein and Konan said they're taking you out today!" He heard a groan and smirked, feeling slightly sorry that he was forcing Sasori to wake up but Deidara needed the redhead out of the apartment.

"What the hell for?"

"Konan said she wants to make you more social, un!" It was a lie but from what Pein had told Deidara about Konan, it seemed like something she would do. After hearing a sigh and scuffling sounds, Deidara smirked, knowing that Sasori fell for his lie. He walked back into the kitchen and hopped on the counter, watching as Sasori came out of his room with a shirt on and rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"I hate my friends," Sasori muttered and walked over to the refrigerator. He yanked it open and surveyed it for a couple of moments before taking out an apple and a carton of milk. Before Deidara could open his mouth and utter a single word, Sasori twisted the cap off of the carton smoothly and lifted it up to his lips and began to drink out of it.

"Danna, does it matter to you that I did the exact same thing earlier this morning, un?"

"Do you have herpes?"

"…No, un."

"Then I don't give a crap."

Deidara laughed slightly as Sasori recapped the milk and shoved it back into the refrigerator as he began to noisily munch on his apple. As he wandered over to the couch and opened the newspaper that Deidara had retrieved from the door, the blonde crossed his arms and watched his roommate with interest. "So danna, un. Where is the fine line between respecting your privacy and touching your stuff, un?"

"Anything in a drawer or locked away is off limits. Anything in the open, you can use," Sasori answered immediately as his eyes skimmed over the news and he flipped the page, "All I ask is that you don't sift through my belongings. If they are in clear sight, I have no problem with you seeing it. If not, then they are meant to be private."

"So I can't touch what I can't see, un?"

"Precisely."

"So if I had x-ray vision, I could touch everything, un?"

Sasori blinked and turned around, smirking at Deidara's grin. The stupidity of the comment almost resulted in a denunciation, but the playful smile on his roommate's face dissipated that anger. He sighed, the smirk still present, wondering how he could be so intelligent (he walked in on Deidara sleep talking about quantum physics once) yet so childish and naïve seeming at the same time. He was an enigma; a blonde, loud, reckless, annoying, blunt and oxymoronic enigma, which made him even more enigmatic.

"Yes, brat. That's _if_ you had x-ray vision."

"You know, danna, I have a theory about x-ray vision, un…"

Sasori smirked as Deidara launched into a lecture about how he had put much thought into x-ray vision and how it would be attainable for an average human being. This was a classic example of the oxymoronic enigma that he was: the topic he was talking about was so moronic (humans with x-ray vision?) but the science and logic he had behind it all seemed possible and the scientific facts were definitely accurate.

"So with that, I propose we can fly like Superman too, un, if we decrease our bone densities…"

Rolling his eyes, Sasori continued eating his apple as Deidara continued to babble on. His eyes skimmed over the newspaper; years of burying himself in books had caused him to develop a near photographic memory. Compared to complex cases, a newspaper article was a piece of cake to memorize. He had successfully tuned out Deidara; as the blonde stomped around the apartment, waving his hands and explaining his theory and how he thought if he put enough effort into it he could get a Nobel Prize, Sasori appeared to be reading the newspaper until the doorbell rang.

"Oh, that must be Pein, un," Deidara stopped mid-sentence and walked over to the door, hopping over the garbage he left lying around on the floor (much to Sasori's annoyance). Unlocking the deadlock, he twisted the door knob and grinned as Pein and Konan walked in, the blue haired woman smiling brightly and waving at Sasori.

"Now danna, please get out of your own apartment, un."

Sasori looked up and growled. He knew better than to try to argue with Deidara when he had such resolve; it would only prolong this ordeal and probably end up with a bloody nose again. He sighed and stood up, grabbing his coat as he headed towards the doorway to join Pein and Konan when Deidara's voice rang out and stopped him.

"Danna, un?"

"What, you brat?" he turned around in irritation, blinking as a pair of his pants hit him straight in the face. He held it in his hands and looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

"I've walked around outside in my boxers only, un. Not a very fun experience," Deidara answered and held up a hand as Sasori realized his current state of clothing and pulled the pants on, scowling as he then proceeded to pull on his coat. He glared at Deidara again before turning around and stomping out of the apartment. Konan followed him and Pein paused by the door, looking at Deidara and smirking.

"I feel sympathetic."

"Yeah, danna is a pain to deal with but I'm getting used to it, un."

"I meant pity for Sasori."

Pein chuckled as he closed the door just as he heard something crash against the door and waved off Konan's questioning look as she heard "YOU BASTARD" being yelled, the sound muffled by the door. Sasori sighed as he looked at the door.

"There goes another mug. Damn."

**-X-x-X-**

"And why am I with you?"

"I tried to go gambling yesterday but that bastard fucking left me to buy a present for that midget like he's his bitch now or something!" Hidan fumed as he stomped around the casino, eyes glancing at tables. Kakuzu sighed and followed behind his "friend" quietly; he knew better than to provoke Hidan even more when angry. And that was why when Hidan showed up at his apartment this morning, he immediately grabbed a coat and left with him. Arguing with Hidan when he was drunk or angry often resulted in a bloody fist fight and Kakuzu was in no mood to pay an extravagantly large hospital bill.

As Kakuzu was tuning out Hidan's ranting, he had discovered that Hidan had led them into a casino. Aside from the sight of the dimly lit, large room and people crowding around tables and machines, the sounds tipped him off. Sounds of chips clinking against each other, of cheers, of agonized cries, and of drunken people slurring their speech. Kakuzu hated the casino; it was where money slipped between one's fingers too easily and humanity's stupidity was taken advantage by greed.

"Really, Deidara didn't want to go gambling?" Kakuzu looked at Hidan with interest. Besides Hidan, Deidara was the biggest gambler he knew; he had the ability to be incredibly intelligent and save his money, but occasionally (with some prodding from Hidan) he would go to the casino and blow whatever he had. To hear that Hidan and Deidara were together and Deidara decided to not go gambling was a big surprise. Within him he felt a swell of pride. _I'm finally rubbing off on one of these chunks of wood._

"Had to buy a present for his damn _danna,_" Hidan said that last word in a high pitched voice and Kakuzu couldn't help but chuckle. Deidara's voice definitely was not high; anyone that mistook him for a girl realized their mistake when they heard him talk, if the lack of a feminine body didn't already give it away. "Like, what the actual fuck?"

Kakuzu smirked as Hidan paused by a poker table and watched the cards being dealt. Kakuzu got ready to stand by and watch as Hidan gambled away half of his life savings, but to his great surprise, the silver haired man sighed and walked off towards the bar without another glance. Kakuzu froze to the spot before regaining sense in his legs and following him

"…Hidan, this is where you go to gamble."

"Shut the fuck up, smartass! I know that!"

"Well, you aren't gambling," Kakuzu stated bluntly as Hidan slid into one of the booths and beckoned a waitress with a raised hand. Kakuzu slid in across from them, thankful that Hidan at least had standards for the casinos he chose. Deidara would choose the rattiest one where it was easiest to outsmart the workers and, as a result, Kakuzu dealt with many booths sticky with alcohol and, he shuddered, vomit.

The booth was a dark, mahogany wood with dark green, leather booths. Luckily there were no tacky flowers on the table; only a menu, salt and pepper (for alcohol?), and small packets of sugar. His eyes scanned the menu just before the waitress arrived, smiling charmingly at the two and being painfully obvious in flaunting her rather fake assets. "What can I get you two today?" The voice was sugary sweet and high pitched, causing Kakuzu to cringe.

"Two martinis," Hidan said immediately before Kakuzu could open his mouth. When the waitress realized he wasn't going to flirt with her, the expression on her face fell and she scribbled the order down and walked off. Kakuzu's gaze moved to Hidan with an eyebrow raised.

"I only want water."

"Chill out, asshole. I'm paying for it," as the waitress returned and placed their drinks in front of them, Hidan picked his up and took a sip, avoiding Kakuzu's wide eyes.

"…You're _treating_ me?"

"Yeah. Got a fucking problem with that?" Hidan glanced at Kakuzu and looked away again. Despite the dark lighting, he could see the faintest of blushes taint the pale skin. Kakuzu blinked before it registered in his mind and he smirked slightly.

"Do you…" the thought was so foreign to Kakuzu but he had to ask it and if it were true, he would love to torture Hidan with it, "…like me?"

"W-what? Fuck no! Are you high on shrooms, dipshit?" Hidan sputtered immediately, flushing even darker and coughing, pounding on his chest. His eyes darted around and glared harshly at the smirking and amused looking Kakuzu. "Fuck no! It's to… thank you for…"

"For…?" Kakuzu prompted; he was thoroughly enjoying this. For some unexplainable reason, he was feeling quite happy, but he brushed the feeling off as being happy that Hidan was suffering. For as long as he had known Hidan, his favorite part about hanging out with him was watching the moron make an idiot of himself. He would have to end up bailing him out of jail but in retrospect, the feeling of amusement was always worth it.

"…You tried to take care of me when I fucked up," Hidan muttered quietly and finished his martini with a final gulp and coughed. His magenta eyes flicked up at Kakuzu and saw the usually stoic man shaking with silent laughter. "What the fuck are you laughing at?"

"Nothing," Kakuzu answered, a smirk still present on his face. He played with the stem of the glass of his drink and absentmindedly pulled his phone out to check it, a habit he developed to effectively ease an awkward situation. As he pressed a random key, he blinked and saw he had a new message from last night. He raised an eyebrow and opened it. _Funny, I never miss a text message…_

"Who the fuck is that from?"

"What's this? You're jealous I'm paying attention to someone else?"

"Shut up, dickwad!"

Kakuzu's dark eyes glanced up and he smirked at Hidan's annoyed glare. He leisurely pocketed his phone and played for time as he took an agonizingly slow sip. He could feel Hidan's very little patience wittle away with each drop of alcohol and Kakuzu's smirk widened. "Konan is planning to have everyone get together for a birthday dinner for Sasori together."

"It took you that fucking long to tell me?"

"So you _are_ jealous."

Kakuzu smirked at his victory as he watched Hidan deflate slightly and scowl. His eyes darted around anxiously and he stood up, motioning for Kakuzu to stand up as well. When the magenta eyes landed on his dark haired friend, his response was a questioning look. "Where are you going?"

"That bastard's going to be expecting some kind of a present, isn't he?" Hidan said and Kakuzu sighed as the silver haired man left a few bills on the table and walked out of the casino. The bright lights pierced his eyes as they exited the dimly lit building and Kakuzu absentmindedly followed Hidan wherever he was going. In fact, he was surprised he was still following Hidan; usually he would go home after they left wherever they had met.

Before Hidan had rudely barged into his apartment (he could not remember when and why he gave Hidan a key), he had received a chilling text from Pein, asking if he "had fun" the day before. When he texted back a snappy answer of "of course not; do you want to take care of the drunken moron?" Pein immediately texted back "I wouldn't, but I'm positive you would." The conversation ended there and left Kakuzu in a stupor; just exactly what did Pein mean? Pein, of all should people, should understand Kakuzu's agitation with Hidan. The only reason he showed more leniency towards some of the things towards Hidan did was because he was annoying. But then Pein would ask why he was still walking around with Hidan and he would have to come up with a response, and Kakuzu realized he had none. He reassured himself that it was because it would be rude to leave Hidan after he let him buy him a drink and nothing else; after all, for what other possible reason would Kakuzu follow Hidan?

Because, as usual, following Hidan proved to be an absolutely horrible idea.

"Hidan…"

"Come on, Kakuzu! Don't be such a prude!" Hidan turned around and grinned as he headed towards the entrance, "I bet that guy's fucked a whole bunch of people! Have you seen that kid's face?"

"Hidan, can you at least _try_ to be a bit more tactful when talking?"

"Do I have to fucking drag you into the damn store?" Hidan turned around and huffed, holding the door open with his foot and crossing his arms as he glared at Kakuzu. "Deidara's a guy and looks like a girl; it's two for fucking one for him!"

"How do you even know what his sexual orientation is?"

"Trust me, I can tell. Now get your ass in here."

"No." Kakuzu looked up at the store and grimaced; he was a respectable man in society. He was mature; he would not be caught _dead_ in a place like this. It would be degrading if any of his colleagues saw him here (but he supposed it could go the other way, for his colleagues would also be at this particular location.) But he had to admit, he was glad Hidan was back to his brash self; it was almost boring when he was being awkward and quiet. "Why can't you actually be nice and buy him… wood or something? He's into puppets, Konan mentioned in her text if we wanted to bring him anything."

"Hm? Well, that's rather kinky, I suppose…" Hidan paused and stroked his chin thoughtfully, "I don't know if Deidara's up for that…"

"_Hidan._ There is an art store about three blocks away from here, why can't we just go there?" Kakuzu growled, feeling his reputation chip down slowly as more and more people passed by and glanced at the two curiously. Though a day off, Kakuzu still dressed formally in dress pants and a crisp white shirt; not the best attire to be in and to be standing in front of this atrocity of a store.

"_Kakuzu,_" Hidan mocked and smirked, "You are coming into this store. _Right fucking now._"

"No."

"You remember when we were kids and your mom dressed you up in that really fucked up—" Hidan didn't even have to finish his sentence when Kakuzu's eyes widened with recognition and he growled, stomping in past his grinning friend.

"Fuck you, Hidan."

"I bet you'd really want to."

**-X-x-X-**

"Is there any particular reason why I'm forced to go out with you two love birds today?"

"As much reason as why you're dragging us into an art store."

Sasori paused in front of the store and looked behind him, smirking at Pein and his response. "Touché. You're one of the more intelligent people I've met," he said and opened the door. Behind him, Pein reached out and held the door open for Konan who grinned at him and walked in after Sasori, looking around with huge eyes.

"I never really realized how spacious this place is…" she noted and kept walking, ending up bumping into Sasori. Immediately she jumped back and hit Pein, who stared at her with an amused expression. She glared at him lightly as he chuckled and she rubbed her nose from when she walked into Sasori.

"I don't recall you drinking today."

"Oh be quiet, Pein!" she snapped and peered at Sasori who was staring at the bulletin behind the cash register. Her eyes followed his gaze and her attention landed on what had caught his: a large white piece of paper with big, bold print on it that covered some of the achievements of artists usually posted on the bulletin board. _STORE CLOSING. 80% OFF MOST MERCHANDISE._

"Oh, hey Sasori and company," Genma looked at the three as he walked up to them from one of the aisles, a roll of stickers held in his hand. As he approached, Konan could see that they were bright red circular stickers and assumed they were to signify that the merchandise would be discounted. She opened her mouth to tell Sasori that this was good news and he could stock up on supplies but when she saw his face, she knew immediately that wouldn't be the best thing to say.

"This place is closing down?" Sasori furrowed his brow and looked around. As far as he was concerned, this place was in good financial standing. Even though he didn't see many people here, the people that he did see usually bought in bulk which he figured should balance out the lack of customers. This store was like a second home and a haven from him; it encompassed everything he loved and wanted but couldn't get because of his other priorities. To have it close down was like having a part of him go away; he would never be able to recreate what he felt here.

"Yeah, business is slowing down and our manager's tired of trying to keep up with rent payments and stuff. So we have one last hurrah before we close down in a couple of months," Genma reached behind the cash register counter and pulled out a pack of pocky, offering it to the other three. They declined and he shrugged and took one out and put it in his mouth, glancing up at Sasori and smiling slightly at his look. "Sorry, man. Can't help it. I'll miss seeing you around though."

"…Are you sure this isn't a temporary decline in profit?" Sasori asked as Genma headed over towards a display of yarn and began sticking the red stickers on the price tag. With each red sticker that was pressed onto a white tag with black print, Sasori cringed.

"Nah. Unless you can buy this place out or something… but you're a law student so you wouldn't even have time to run this place," Genma's eyes flicked up to Sasori and he smirked slightly, "But hey; you can stock up on whatever you need. We just announced this today so a lot of our good stuff is still left. If you see Deidara around can you tell him too? That kid's going to be ecstatic; some of the clay is marked eighty percent off."

"Yeah! You guys can bond now, Sasori!" Konan piped up and tugged at Sasori's sleeve, grinning widely and trying to alleviate the obvious explosion that would happen sooner or later, "Wouldn't that be fun?" She twitched when Sasori turned to her slowly, his brown eyes holding a murderous glint. But she was determined to not back down; if she did, Sasori would retreat into a quiet shell of isolation for a couple of weeks and she refused to let anything interfere with his birthday. He was stubborn but so was she; and as a female, she already knew he would eventually be obligated to let her win.

"Bonding?"

"They're roommates," Pein answered to Genma's confused look and his eyes widened and nodded, smirking slightly. He glanced at Sasori's cold glare to Konan and chuckled.

"They don't get along well, do they?" he laughed when Pein sighed and brought a hand up to his face, "They're both pretty cool people though; I think eventually they'll realize they have quite a bit in common. Deidara can be as calm as Sasori, and Sasori can be as passionate as Deidara is. I just hope nothing blows up before that."

The two watched the exchange between Konan and Sasori (a bright smile versus the death glare) for a few more moments before Genma sighed and reached into his pocket, producing a role of green stickers after he finished tagging the yarn. "I've got more stuff to discount. Have fun browsing and if Deidara can't come by today, tell him I'll hide some of the best clay for him, all right?"

Pein nodded and pulled out his phone as Konan and Sasori began to head towards the aisle that Sasori frequented the most often. He smirked as he scrolled through his contacts before finding his intended one and pressed the phone up to his ear; there was nothing more fun than agitating Deidara, especially about art.

"Make it fast, un," Deidara immediately said when he answered and he sounded irritated to be interrupted from whatever he was doing, "Painting danna's gift is taking a while, un."

"I've got some bad news for you," Pein said nonchalantly and smirked as he heard a groan from the other side of the phone. He ended up in the clay aisle and could see Konan and Sasori talking about the different kinds of wood and how Sasori typically started to make his puppets. He absentmindedly picked up a package of clay and noticed the red sticker on it. Glancing up, he saw a piece of paper that explained how the color of the sticker correlated to a discounted price. Most of the clay was tagged with red, which represented eighty percent off.

"…Don't tell me you lost sight of danna and he's coming back in five minutes, un. Shit, I'm nowhere near done… Damnit, I thought you were smart, un!"

"I am," Pein answered easily; he was used to Deidara's outbursts. He never meant badly, he just lost the part in his brain that registered tact whenever he was under stress and thought things were taking a turn for the worse. "But you know the art store you're in love with? It's closing down."

A silence. Then a screech.

_"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, UN?"_

Pein sensed that Konan and Sasori were looking at them and he held up a hand, as if to tell them to not worry. He heard Sasori scoff something that sounded like "he's overreacting…" to which Konan replied "and you were completely calm, right?" which effectively shut him up and they returned to discussing what kind of wood was the easiest to work with for beginners. Pein assumed that Konan had made up a new found interest in puppets as to distract Sasori, which was the mission Deidara had assigned them.

"If you're messing with me right now, Pein, I will kill you, I swear, un!" Deidara continued ranting over the phone and Pein couldn't help but smirk as he continued to look at the clay that Deidara worshipped, "This is a sick joke, even for you! You've sunk to an all new level, un! You've been hanging out with Hidan way too much, you know!"

"I'm not joking," Pein chuckled and he could almost see Deidara's face turn red with anger, "It really is. Sasori dragged us here and we talked to the guy with the bandana. Business is bad so they're closing down."

"How the hell is business bad, un? Have you seen danna's work room? He's got a month's supply of what that place gets, un!"

"Won't help if Sasori is their only customer."

"I can't help that I'm dirt poor, un!"

Pein chuckled as he heard Deidara mutter curses on his breath and walk around, kicking whatever happened to be in his way. It was silent for a few minutes and Pein sensed the depression looming over him; he knew Deidara half lived in the art store and to lose it was hard for him. It was one of the places where he would go to to remember just why he made the choices he did; a decision that would otherwise see sudden and rash would always be defended when he came here and became engulfed in the atmosphere. "There's one good thing."

"What, un?" he was sulking, Pein realized, and he had to bit his tongue to not laugh.

"All the clay is like eighty percent off."

"…Get two of every kind and I'll pay you back, un." With a click, Deidara was gone and Pein smirked. This didn't mean he was over the initial shock; all it meant was that Deidara would deal with it later and reap any benefits of it now. His violet (he always had to assure people that they were natural and not contacts) eyes scanned the vicinity and he spotted a black cart nearby. He walked over to retrieve it and parked it near the clay display and began pulling two packs of every kind with a red sticker on it, placing it carefully in the cart because he noticed some of them were extremely malleable.

"Sasori likes wood."

"…That… that sounds kind of wrong, Itachi…"

Pein looked up and raised an eyebrow when he saw Kisame and Itachi standing a few yards away, looking at the scalpels and different kinds of wire in confusion. He straightened up and crossed his arms, smirking as he watched them looking for something that Sasori would appreciate, letting them be confused before enlightening them with wisdom. "This is the aisle for sculpting, you know. Sasori and Konan are in the aisle you're looking for."

The two finally seemed to notice Pein standing there and Kisame was the first to react, grinning and holding up a hand in a greeting. "Hey. You shopping for Sasori too?"

"I was told to keep Sasori busy because Deidara's working on his gift at the apartment," Pein answered and gave a curt nod to Itachi to greet him, "I have to say, buying a puppet maker more supplies for his craft isn't the most creative idea."

"It's the thought that counts. What's with all the clay?" he glanced at the cart half full with clay and frowned, looking at Pein, "Unless clay has some kind of a use for puppetry…?"

Pein laughed slightly, shaking his head. "The store's closing down so a lot of the items are on clearance. I told Deidara of the news and he instructed I buy him clay and he'll pay me back later. I must also deeply apologize to you," he added and turned to Kisame and bowed his head slightly, "My humblest apologies."

"…Wh—" Kisame's question was cut short when he felt a small but strong force tackle him, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to fall to the floor. "—at the hell, Konan?" he gasped out as Pein laughed and picked his girlfriend up by tugging at her arm. Sasori sauntered up behind her and smirked at Itachi and Kisame.

"Kisame! You're with Itachi!" Konan clapped her hands together, her lips spreading into a wide grin. "Together!" Sasori glanced at her and saw her grey eyes dart happily between them and smirked, looking at Pein.

"Is that what your apology is for?" he had heard Pein talk about apologizing just before Konan tackled Kisame and, after a few moments, he figured it out too. He wasn't surprised Pein had figured out Kisame's feelings for Itachi; it didn't take Sasori that long either.

"Unfortunately," Pein sighed as Konan reached out and grabbed the wrists of the other two and dragged them down the aisle she was just in with Sasori. She looked so ecstatic Sasori or Pein didn't have the heart to rain on her parade and tell her whatever she had in mind wouldn't work because of Itachi's incredible denseness (it was amazing how oblivious the prodigy could be) and Kisame's awkward stubbornness (which could successfully get him out of just about anything.)

"You guys should get Sasori something! Together! Because together you two can pool your brains together and come up with a really nice gift because you two work really well together, right?" they heard Konan distantly chatter away as she waved her arms energetically, gesturing towards the wall of puppet materials and then back towards them. The two looked extremely confused but played along, giving Konan falsely bright smiles and nods as if agreeing with her, which made her even happier. It was one thing they had learned from Pein: always keep Konan happy.

"It's painfully obvious."

"It is," Pein smirked and turned around, resuming to his previous activity. He had gotten about halfway down the display and wondered if Deidara would have enough to pay him back when Sasori interrupted him.

"Did the brat make you take me out today?"

Pein glanced at him in surprise when Sasori bent down next to him and began to pick out clay too. The orange haired man smirked; nothing escaped him, a few minutes of observing and logic, Sasori figured out just what he was doing. "Yeah. Said we had to keep you occupied."

"Pein, please control your girlfriend. She is acting rather peculiar today," Itachi had wandered up to the two of them sometime during their conversation, glancing over his shoulder slightly at Kisame who he had left there and then at Sasori. "Have you been able to contact Zetsu? Konan's planning you a dinner and has assigned me the task of reaching him but I haven't had any success yet."

Sasori shrugged. "We can contact him tomorrow then. Zetsu doesn't do much except stare at seeds anyway." He sighed and looked down the aisle, where Konan had Kisame backed up into a display and seemed to be questioning him mercilessly. The taller man looked around desperately for help but he was trapped by a girl that was at least seven inches shorter than he was. "How long are you keeping me out?"

Pein, realizing the question was directed towards him, glanced at his phone to check the time and saw it was still early. "Six more hours at least."

"And there's no chance of me sneaking back early?"

"Smart man you are."

Sasori sighed but smirked slightly; he was resigned to his fate of being dragged around for the next six hours. It wasn't his typical birthday but he had to admit it was nice to have a change for once; he wasn't holed up in his room until the time that Konan dictated for him to show up arrived. He hadn't touched any of his homework all day and it felt surprisingly refreshing. He pushed the thought of doing it out of his head as Konan returned and said they would all go to a nearby carnival (Sasori couldn't believe there was a carnival open in November) and followed them to the cash register, where they all began to help Pein lug all the clay onto the conveyer belt.

"Firehead."

"Stapler accident?" Sasori glanced at Pein, answering without a second to spare. Pein blinked and laughed at the nickname as he pulled out his credit card; the other three had gone out to the car already to drive it up to the entrance.

"About Deidara…" he paused as he handed his credit card over and glanced at Sasori, "He's unpredictable. Just… try to go along with it."

Sasori remained quiet as the transaction was finished and as the two loaded the clay into the cart and pushed it outside, waiting for the car. As the words rang in his head, images of the past few weeks with Deidara flashed through his head; everything from the Ino incident to the soy sauce in spaghetti. He chuckled quietly to himself, earning him a curious look from Pein. The shorter man looked up, smirking.

"You think I didn't know that already?"

**-X-x-X-**

When Sasori returned to his apartment about six hours later (the carnival turned out to be a fake and they spent the rest of the time trying to cheer up Konan), he was expecting dinner already made and the blonde mess to greet him. Instead, the kitchen table was empty, the stoves were off, and a pillow hit him square in the face. As he pulled it off and kicked off his shoes, he glared at Deidara, leaning against the couch with pillows and blankets piled on it. When he saw the grin, Pein's last words rang in his head.

_"He's unpredictable. Just… try to go along with it."_

"Let's build a pillow fort, un."

"…Why haven't I kicked you out yet?"

**-X-x-X-**

"Danna, I say this with respect, but you _suck_ at this, un."

Sasori's eyes flicked up in annoyance and he chucked a pillow at Deidara, smirking when he heard the other grunt from the impact. He glanced around him and pushed the coffee table out of the way slightly to make more room before picking up a blanket and unfolding it. After Deidara's proclamation of a pillow fort, the two had set to work to create a space in the living room. The three couches were pushed apart; two were right across from each other and the third was to the side, right across from the coffee table which would act as the fourth "wall" for their fort. There was a corner between the coffee table and out of the couches to enter and exit since the table was shorter than the opposite couch and Sasori's OCD dictated right angles.

Deidara had taken the liberty of scouring the apartment for every single pillow and blanket that Sasori owned. Sasori was pleased that some of the blankets in his drawers were untouched, indicating that Deidara had taken his words to heart. As a reward, Sasori pulled them out, and the two with their combined pillows and blankets had six blankets and about two dozen pillows; Deidara, Sasori discovered, had something bordering a pillow fetish. But it didn't matter; all the pillows would be nice and soft.

Since Sasori had no experience with this, Deidara took charge. He took the two largest thin blankets and spread them over their space for the "roof". The good news was that the blankets were bigger than the area so they didn't have to be stretched; the bad news was that it was way too low and Deidara and Sasori did not want to spend the entire night on their elbows in their fort. And thus they were now in a predicament of trying to make the fort higher without putting a pole in the middle because that would just be annoying to navigate around.

"Danna, can I put one of your stools on the table, un?"

"…If you're positive it won't fall on me and give me a concussion."

Deidara grinned cheekily and stood up and wandered into the study room, where Sasori had a couple of stools in the corner back when he had time to work on his puppets. When he returned, he put it in the center of the coffee table and picked up a few of Sasori's old law books and stacked them around the stool until only half of the legs were visible, trapping the stool so it wouldn't tip over at some point during the night. Sasori blinked in shock; a pile of law books that high sat in his backpack on an almost daily basis?

"Okay, un. Let's try again," Deidara nodded in satisfaction and picked up an edge of the blanket and walked around the coffee table so he was on the other side while Sasori took the other edge and walked it to the other side of the opposing couch. Once it was draped, they each attached a weight to the edge of the blanket (Sasori's idea as to not have to keep redraping the blankets throughout the night when they fell) and the same thing was repeated with the other blanket since while vertically the stretch was more than enough they were not wide enough horizontally. Once that was completed without too much difficulty or tugging, they joined together again under the canopy of blankets. Two of the comforters were already laid down so they wouldn't be sleeping on the carpet and the other two were still folded in a corner. Pillows were scattered everywhere; Sasori couldn't move an inch without coming into contact with one. They sat in silence until Sasori spoke bluntly.

"…Is this it?"

"Now you can say you built a pillow fort, un! You can now die happy."

"Thank you for helping me to fulfill my life," Sasori glanced at Deidara who beamed back at him. He pulled out his phone and glanced at it and his eyes widened, seeing it was already 10:30; apparently, pillow fort building made the time fly. "…So we just sit in this thing for the rest of the night?"

When he received no response, he looked up curiously. It was not like Deidara to not answer him. To his surprise, Deidara was not there, but he heard the blonde mumble and after a few moments, the door closed and he reappeared in the fort, holding three boxes of pizza. Sasori raised an eyebrow as two of the boxes went on the table behind Deidara and he opened the other one, tucking the top beneath and taking a piece, looking at Sasori expectantly.

"Pizza?" he took a slice and was surprised at how unoily it was; he was expecting oily to drip from it and get all over his hands and make a huge mess but it didn't and he was thankful for that. He took a bite and blinked; he hadn't realized how hungry he was until he bit into the pizza and discovered it was the most delicious thing he had ever eaten. His stomach growled and he flushed slightly at Deidara's laugh and glared in response.

"Didn't feel like cooking, un. I was busy all day, you know," Deidara answered and leaned against the coffee table nonchalantly.

"And where is this present that casted me out of my own home?" Sasori's eyes darted around the fort, as if expecting something to pop out out of nowhere. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, his brown eyes landed on Deidara and he smirked suddenly. "Don't tell me you're giving yourself to me. Sorry, but no thanks."

Deidara threw a pillow at Sasori and was pleased it hit him right in the face as he smirked. "You'll have to wait until midnight, un. Because technically it isn't even your birthday."

"So why are you keeping me here?" Sasori blinked, frowning, "I have a lot of stuff I could be working on and…"

"That's exactly why," Deidara picked up another piece of pizza, glancing up at Sasori's surprised expression, "Because as long as I've been here, you work all day and all night, un. You barely stop to eat. It's the night before your birthday and I'm not going to let you work yourself, un. Relax, danna, un. You're turning twenty five."

"Twenty five isn't an important number."

"Shut up; don't nitpick what I say, un."

Sasori laughed, to Deidara's surprise, and relaxed against the couch, smirking slightly. School did seem to command almost his waking hour and he was grateful that Deidara forced him to take a break because Sasori, by himself, never would have; he would have kept working until he collapsed from exhaustion. To him, a birthday meant nothing except more communication between himself and a few other people. He almost forgot that people would celebrate this day.

_Happy birthday, Sasori!_

He blinked, a soft voice echoing in his head. He closed his eyes and pushed it away; he was actually enjoying himself even if it was with Deidara and he did not want to let dead voices ruin it for him.

"Danna, are you all right, un?"

Sasori's eyes opened immediately and they focused on Deidara, who was staring at him oddly with a half finished slice of pizza in his hand. He suddenly felt guilty for zoning out on Deidara, who seemed to have put quite a bit of thought into doing this for him. Sasori was not one to feel guilty but he would recognize work and knew to appreciate it because he of all people knew what it was like to be underappreciated. He smirked slightly and reached for another slice. "Yeah, just tired."

Deidara raised an eyebrow but let the issue slide, knowing to not press Sasori for any details. "So is this how you usually celebrate your birthdays, un?"

"With a pillow fort? Not exactly," he smirked at Deidara's glare, "Konan usually comes up with some kind of plan. Before I met them, I usually forgot it was my birthday after my parents died. It's just another day, after all."

"That's depressing," Deidara muttered bluntly and Sasori looked at him with surprise. The blonde took his time finishing his pizza before answering the questioning look in the brown eyes and dabbed a napkin to his mouth before speaking. "You need one day a year for exceptions, un. Even when I was barely surviving, I'd always save up just enough money so I could buy some clay on my birthday or something. Even the smallest of celebrations counts because, well, you were born on this day, un. Without this day, you wouldn't be alive."

Sasori let the words sink in for a few moments and blinked, chuckling slightly. "That's such an optimistic view; I'm surprise you've managed to maintain it even while living off of rat poison."

"I did not live off of rat poison, un."

The redhead smirked at Deidara's offended look and he sighed again. "I've been told I have to be happier," he wasn't sure why he was talking so openly about his past with Deidara; his childhood was a topic he tended to avoid with others. Maybe it was the "fort", the pizza, or maybe just the fact that someone he barely knew put in such an effort for a day he seldom remembered; whatever the reason was, he felt like telling Deidara everything he didn't share with anyone else, like getting a weight off of his chest, "But just being told to be happier doesn't make you happy. You lose your parents at the age of five and the only other living relative you have lies to you about them and you have to find out by yourself by finding their death certificates; you don't just bounce back from that like nothing happened."

"Well, danna, if it consoles you at all, I don't think you're too messed up, un."

"You sure know what to say, brat," Sasori answered dryly and reached over for a bottle of water and saw Deidara's phone beside him and he suddenly remembered Ino. "Has she called?"

"Hm?"

"Ino."

"Oh," Deidara glanced at his phone and grimaced, "No, un. She'll call eventually though… I just need to wait for it, un. She's gotten mad at me before too; she always apologizes eventually. Familial ties don't just sever like this," Deidara grinned brightly and Sasori smirked in response, feeling relieved that he didn't rip the two apart like he thought he had.

"She's that important to you, hm?"

Deidara nodded vigorously and suddenly his eyes had a far off, distant look to them. "She's always looked up to me, you know? Even those days when I was living on a mattress in a crappy apartment, I'd always remember how she still looks up to me and that would motivate me, un. I didn't mean to lie to her; I just didn't want to lose the person that still believed in me and didn't think of me as a fuck up," he paused and laughed slightly, "Because as long as I have someone that believes in me, I can still move forward, un. I was going to tell her the truth eventually, maybe at my first art show, which I'd dedicate to her and our dead parents, un. Lessen the blow and still have her look up to me. Oh, and here," Deidara's eyes became clear again as he threw a bottle of beer at Sasori.

The redhead blinked and stared at it for a few moments before smirking. He bottled his water and put it off to the side and opened the beer; it was a Saturday night and he was going to actually act like a college student for once. Besides, he figured he wouldn't get drunk off of one beer; his alcohol tolerance was much higher than that. "I don't think you're a fuck up," he said simply and took a sip, raising an eyebrow at Deidara when he heard the blonde sputter and cough violently.

"…Are you serious? This, this is coming from Akasuna Sasori, the genius lawyer-to-be, un?" Deidara asked, still pounding at his chest, grinning at Sasori's scowl, "I'm flattered, un."

"You chose to follow your passion," Sasori answered calmly, avoiding eye contact with Deidara, "That's not stupidity. That's courage and determination. That makes you braver than eighty percent of the graduate students I see on a daily basis. I bet only twenty percent have pursued schooling because it's what they truly love; the other eighty do it because of parents or the desire for a secure future."

"Oh, that reminds me!" Deidara had been listening quietly up until this point as he reached under the table and produced a hastily wrapped item. He picked up his phone and checked it, staring at it until Sasori rudely broke the silence.

"Did you forget how to tell time or something?"

"I'm waiting, un!" Deidara replied indignantly. Sasori rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, pretending he wasn't occasionally glancing at the wrapped item every so often. He _was_ curious, he had to admit, and waiting was never his strong point. It was deathly silence for what felt like forever; Sasori was just about to snap at Deidara for being such an idiot when the contraption in Deidara's hand went off, filling the entire apartment with beeps, causing Sasori to jump in surprise.

"What the hell is that?"

"What I wake up to every morning, un," Deidara grinned and held the gift out towards Sasori; the newspaper was slipping slightly and Sasori caught sight of something mounted on a black board. He reached out and took it into his own hands, letting the newspaper fall away, revealing what was under it.

"What's this?" Sasori asked, looking at the item in his hands. It was a sculpture of him (he assumed, by the red hair) as a marionette doll, the strings and control bar suspended above him in mid air and a desk with papers and textbooks scattered on and around messily mounted on a black piece of wood. He had to admit, the finesse was incredible; he could see writing on some of the papers. If they actually said something, he didn't know, but he did know that they weren't simple scribbles. There were details on the textbooks, some of them almost looking exactly like the ones he lugged around all day. The strings were made of a metal wire he recognized as his own but he didn't feel any surge of annoyance since he did tell Deidara anything left out in the open could be used. And the sculpture of himself was so detailed he was afraid to touch it; every last wrinkle in his clothing, every last shade of color was done with such precision. He was surprised Deidara had the patience to do this and managed to finish this in two days; he was incredibly impressed. "…I'm a puppet?"

"Hey, you're smiling, un."

Sasori looked up at Deidara and he realized that he did indeed let a genuine smile tug at his lips. He smiled so rarely; he usually smirked. Deidara seemed extremely proud, taking his smile as the indication that he truly liked the gift. "It's the first time, un. Up until now, you've been giving me snobby looks and smirks the entire time," he paused and grinned. "And yeah, un. You're a puppet; controlled by all that law stuff, " he added nonchalantly and grabbed a nearby pillow to hug to his chest.

"What do you mean?" he looked up in surprise. He was fairly sure he never confided in Deidara how he felt about law school and he didn't think he openly showed his irritation enough for the blonde to make up that conjecture.

"You hate it, un. I can tell," Deidara answered as he decided to lie down instead and folded his hands behind his head against the crisp, white pillow, "I can tell because I was almost in that position, un. Law school isn't something you want, danna, like you were saying early about the twenty and eighty percent. What you want is to do your art but you can't because you feel this insane amount of pressure to be absolutely _perfect_, un. So that's why I made you a puppet; you're controlled by someone or something that I don't know of to do law."

Though he would never admit it, what Deidara just said hit the nail right on the head for Sasori. He was indeed forced by someone to practice law and he did feel that pressure to continue to do well and exceed expectations. If it were up to him, he wouldn't even be wasting his time in school. And if he did, it would be in art school, doing what he loved and not what someone else wanted for him.

"I have to admit, brat," Sasori looked at the sculpture with a raised eyebrow, "I am pretty impressed by the finesse of your work. I suppose you do have some talent mixed in with that naivety in your head."

"…Thanks for the backhanded compliment, un," Deidara glared lightly, but relaxed into a grin when Sasori laughed quietly. Deidara smiled slightly in response. "Again, un."

"Again what?"

"You're genuinely smiling, un," Deidara grinned, "I rarely see you smile, un. It's like law school's sucking out all your energy and all you have left with is a bitter hatred towards the rest of the world. Perfection comes at a price, hm?"

Sasori glanced up, smirking slightly. He supposed what Deidara said was true; law school was so tedious and energy consuming that he did find he was smiling less and less. He would be amused often but very rarely would he be actually happy. It was like all day he was being drowned with expectations and work; he just didn't have time to relax and be happy anymore. But what Deidara said about perfection definitely wasn't true; he was not perfect. "I'm not perfect. No one is. People can conjure up an image of you and make you seem perfect, but everyone has flaws that are unseen. People think all it takes to be perfect is smarts and a good work ethic," he paused and looked down at the marionette of him, smiling softly, "It's not perfection if you're completely miserable."

"So why don't you quit, un?"

The redhead frowned and looked up as he gave Deidara a tired, bored look. Deidara, he supposed, did have the credibility to say that, because that's what he did. But Sasori didn't have the courage to do that, something Deidara probably didn't understand. "I don't have a passion to just pick up if I drop out of law school, you moron."

Deidara gestured towards the strewn puppet parts shoved hastily into a corner as he lifted a corner of their canopy for a moment. "Puppets, un. You're good, un. I gave up med school for sculpting. You can give up law school for puppetry."

"It's not that easy."

"I know it isn't, un. Why do you torture yourself with living someone else's dream then?"

Sasori's mouth opened but he found he had no words, something rare for a lawyer-in-training. He scoffed and looked away. He had reasons for pushing himself through law school and dealing with his bitch of a grandmother (he was surprised she managed to find his grandfather to marry), but they were things that even his closest friends didn't know. Truthfully, even Sasori hadn't realized them until quite recently. He did just open himself up to Deidara more than he had to most other people, but he had no intentions of opening himself up even more.

"It's not that easy," he repeated again, in a soft but stern voice. "I'd need a good reason to quit."

"Your happiness isn't enough, un?" Deidara drawled lazily with a smirk as he picked up another piece of pizza, now slightly cold, "There's nothing more important than your happiness, un. Life's fleeting; you have to make the best of it while it lasts, un."

Sasori smirked at his immaturity. True, life was indeed fleeting in the grand scheme of things. However, from a person's view, life was the longest thing he had to deal with. To a person, life was eternity. He couldn't believe how Deidara would think it was fleeting. What did he think he was, God? He could appreciate Deidara as a roommate, maybe eventually even like him. But he swore he would never understand him.

"You know how I said everyone has flaws?" Sasori asked simply and motioned for Deidara to bring down one of the other boxes. The blonde obliged and Sasori opened it, taking a piece, glancing up at Deidara.

"Yeah, un."

He leaned back and took a bite, smirking again. "You have more than most."

"…You asshole, un."

**Author's Notes: I'M DONE. IT'S DONE. IT'S FINALLY DONE. Oh my God I thought I was never going to get through this chapter. And I realize I forgot the existence of Zetsu and Tobi, but they **_**will**_** be in the next chapter. As well as Ino and Sakura (briefly). I feel like some parts were rushed but I hope it wasn't… too rushed? **

**Thank you for reading, please review!**


	7. the eternal gift

.disclaimer : don't own.

_**.chapter seven : the eternal gift.**_

"He's being delusional."

Sakura looked up, blinking. "I think you can think of a nicer way to put it, Ino."

"No! Okay, I know him. He's my brother, right? I know him better than anyone else! He was just scared, that's all. Because medical school's so hard and he's afraid of messing up and having people come down on him so hard! Because his whole life that's what he's been scared of! He's been scrutinized under a microscope and he's terrified of doing something wrong!" Ino stopped pacing around her room and collapsed onto her bed, breathing heavily. "He thinks he's happy now, but he _isn't._ And I want him to be happy, more than anything."

Sakura sighed and closed her eyes, and snuggled up on Ino's bed. Ino had called her over at seven on a Sunday morning and she was definitely not happy. If it wasn't for the fact that it was Ino and she was awake this early on a weekend, Sakura wouldn't have come. On her way here she had deduced it was about Deidara and, as usual, she had been right. For the past few days, her friend had been completely neurotic about the situation with her brother; she wanted to apologize but at the same time she felt she was right to be mad and as a result, she hadn't called him yet, though she had picked up the phone several times.

"Maybe Deidara just really doesn't want to go," Sakura muttered, wrapping Ino's blanket around her and hugging one of her stuffed animals, "He has always been artsy, right? And he is really good; I think he could really make it big…"

"No! That's a hobby! I know him better than anyone; right now he thinks he'll be okay doing that for the rest of his life, but I know he won't! In the long run he'll realize that he made a mistake. I don't want him to be forty and living on the streets—"

"Didn't he already do that?"

"—and regret a decision he made on a whim! As his sister, it is my duty to steer him in the right way again. I know he's smart enough; I know he is. He's a freaking genius, you know!" Ino continued on her tirade around her room. Sakura felt sorry for the stuffed animals that were being kicked around. "He's stubborn as hell and determined; he will be able to succeed. He just has to get started; once he gets started, he won't just give something up. And it's my duty to do that!"

"I think someone's happiness is his own responsibility," Sakura said airily, "I'm glad you care for him; Deidara's lucky he has someone that cares so much about him. But he defines his own happiness, right? So he should be the one to pursue it…"

"Deidara is the rashest person ever. He's veered off track. He has to get back on track," Ino scowled and crossed his arms, pacing around still, "I'm going to be the rope that pulls him back. When he's settled and retires early, then he has time for his art. But until then, he's going to have to work hard and get a job and stuff."

"So what're you going to do?" Sakura laughed slightly, her eyes still closed and clutching the stuffed animal tightly, "Drag him into the med school and chain him to his desk during classes?"

"No way. He'll resist for sure," Ino frowned and sat down on the edge of the bed, running her fingers through her hair anxiously, "I have to make him go by himself."

"So what're you going to do?"

Ino sighed and fell backwards on her bed, covering her eyes with her arm. Her other arm landed on a stuffed pig and she grabbed it, hugging it to her chest. "I don't know. I'll think of something though."

**-X-x-X-**

"'Ello…?" Sasori grumbled into his phone. It was way too early; before he answered his phone, the electronic device happily blinked ten twenty eight at him. It had started ringing incessantly which shook him out of his slumber but Deidara was still fast asleep. He glanced over and smirked slightly; he looked like a child as he hugged his pillow and laid on his stomach with his hair covering half his face. He was smiling and muttering something and it took Sasori everything he had to not pinch his nose and wonder if he would wake up or just suffocate.

He recalled finally managing to convince Deidara to go to sleep around 6 that morning. He wasn't even exactly sure what they were doing for the six hours after the present (which Sasori had carefully placed on the couch as to not ruin it; he would never tell Deidara how much he really liked it); it was a blur of card games, watching Deidara double over in hysterical laughter, or laughing at the blonde whenever he would hit his head against the table. He hadn't recalled having this much fun in a while; he hadn't done anything related to his education for more than twenty four hours and it felt amazing. He was so relaxed and had actually laughed and smiled a lot more than he had in a while. His pride would never allow him to do so but he wanted to thank Deidara because without him, Sasori probably would've spent yesterday in his room except the few hours during which Konan would drag him out.

"Danna, un…" Deidara muttered and opened an eye lazily to see Sasori sitting up with his phone pressed against his ear and frowned, "It is way too early, un…" Sasori glanced at him and smirked, putting a finger to his lips to silence him. _Go back to sleep then, brat,_ he mouthed and flicked Deidara's forehead. The blonde growled and turned his face the other way, grabbing Sasori's pillow and covering his head with it.

"Sasori."

"…Chiyo-baachan? I feel like I just woke up to a real life nightmare." Deidara let out a snort of laughter and Sasori couldn't help but smirk as well as he waited for his grandmother's response. It was surprising for her to call him; there was no class today and he didn't recall owing her anything.

"I need you to stop by today," she ignored his previous comment, "I will see you promptly at eleven thirty."

Without waiting for his response, Chiyo hung up abruptly, leaving Sasori to stare at the phone with amusement. He sighed and threw the covers aside and crawled over Deidara's legs to exit their fort. He had almost made it out, when Deidara's foot shot up and kicked him straight in the chest.

"Wh-what the hell?" Sasori gasped, holding a hand to his chest and glaring at Deidara as he sat up, and smirked.

"Sorry danna, un. Got my timing off; I was hoping to stop you, not to actually kick you," he sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair, "Where are you going, un?"

"Grandmother wants me to meet her. I won't be long, I promise," he added when Deidara opened a mouth. As he crawled out, Deidara followed with a blanket wrapped around him as he stood up and padded after Sasori. At first Sasori wasn't too bothered when Deidara followed him to the kitchen, he did need food after all. But when Deidara followed him into his bedroom and sat down on the bed as Sasori was about to start changing, he finally spoke up.

"Sleeping with me last night wasn't enough, hm?"

Sasori smirked at Deidara's appalled face as he rummaged through his drawers and picked out a neatly folded black sweater and opened a different drawer to pick out a pair of jeans. This entire time Deidara was quiet before finally speaking up as Sasori turned around and waited for him to leave. "First of all, danna, you have a severe problem; no one I know organizes his clothes like that, un. Second of all, you should be flattered that I slept with you, un. And no, I am not leaving. All you're doing is putting on your pants and a sweater, un."

Sasori blinked and realized Deidara did have a point. It must be because he slept in a shirt that was messing him up from his usual routine; he decided it would be too awkward to sleep with Deidara in such a small space shirtless. He looked down and was pleased to see it was white; no need to find another shirt to wear under his sweater.

"Why does the old hag want you right now, un?"

Sasori was pleased that Deidara harbored slight animosity towards his grandmother as well. One of their topics during their many games of go fish (they argued over what to play and settled on that because it would result in the least arguing) was Sasori and his grandmother. They only skimmed the surface of it, as Sasori left it at that Chiyo was the main reason why he was doing law school and Deidara, as the strong advocator of free will he was, instantly took to disliking her for forcing someone (even Sasori, he had muttered under his breath) to do something against his will.

"I'm not sure. Won't take long though; we both don't enjoy each other's company," Sasori said as he got dressed and hastily ran his fingers through his hair which just made it look messier. He sighed and grabbed his wallet from on top of his dresser and walked back out of his room with Deidara following closely behind. "I'll be back soon. Probably within an hour."

"Danna, un!"

Sasori paused by the door with a jacket half on as he turned around, waiting expectantly. Deidara stood by the half wall that separated the entrance and the kitchen, grinning widely. "Happy birthday, un."

The redhead blinked before relaxing into a smirk. "Thanks, brat."

He slipped out the door and let it close softly behind him, hearing it click as he finished putting on his coat. He pocketed his wallet and headed towards the elevators with his hands in his pockets. As he waited for the elevator to arrive, he tapped his foot, but not impatiently. He was tapping at a steady rhythm instead of at an irritated one and he realized it was because he was in a good mood, something most people were on their birthdays but odd for him.

When the doors opened he stepped in, darting a glance at the mirror walls and frowned slightly, noticing his eyes looked tired. He rubbed them irritably and blinked a couple of times, peering at himself in the mirror and deciding it was the best he would do. _Besides,_ he thought as he walked out of the elevator and past the concierge desk and nodded at the greeting, _I have no need to impress the old lady._

It was unusually bright for November 8th, Sasori noted as he stepped outside and instantly the sun's brightness cut through the chilly air and pierced his eyes. He growled and brushed his bangs to flatten them so his eyes were concealed more as he began to head towards the subway to take him to the university. Usually, on the rare occasions that Chiyo summoned him, he would take a taxi. However, today, he had no problem taking his time by going to the university and walking to the apartment complexes that were a fifteen minute walk; not only was Chiyo not expecting him for about forty five minutes, he also didn't have any strong desire to see her and risk having his surprisingly good mood diminished.

He scowled, feeling the wind picked up as he began on the descent into the underground subway; he should have at least remembered a scarf. As he walked down the stairs that he had come to memorize, he navigated his way through the station, swiping his card in the machine when necessary in almost a robotic manner; like everything else he did, he had come to ingrain this pattern into his brain and could carry it out to perfection every time. He supposed he was like a puppet; every moment was controlled by an invisible string controlled by, ironically, himself. He smirked, attracting odd looks from the people walking by him as he slowed to a stop at his platform. _Both the puppet master and the puppet. How interesting._ He frowned suddenly, another thought occurring to him. _…Stupid brat was right after all._

A deafening roar indicated that the subway train was approaching. As Sasori looked up, he closed his eyes because the sudden rush of wind irritated his eyes and when he opened them, the train had come to a standstill. As soon as the doors opened he slipped in and stood in a corner close to the exit, holding onto the pole. As the train began to move, he felt his phone begin to buzz in his pocket. Wondering if it was Deidara asking how to turn the oven on again, he smirked and answered it. "Hey."

"Oi! Sasori! **Happy birthday douche bag for kicking me out!**"

"I didn't kick you out," he smirked as he tightened his grip on the pole when he felt the train come to an abrupt stop, "You left on your own. Thanks, by the way. Are you coming tonight?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, the dinner. Is it all right if I bring my roommate? **And I thought you were a pain in the ass. Kid doesn't understand the concept of shutting the hell up and has some creepy obsession with Deidara. He's your roommate right? Yeah, well, he won't fucking shut up about…**"

"Is his name Tobi, by any chance?"

"**Damn, man. You're even more of a stalker than he is.**"

Sasori growled lightly and heard Zetsu chuckle over the phone. As the train slow down and Sasori was forced to clutch onto the pole as to not go tumbling over a handrail and into the lap of an elderly grandmother, he realized that he had missed Zetsu's company more than he had realized. While Zetsu wouldn't have put in so much effort to celebrate his birthday like Deidara did, he missed the quiet companionship and dry humor and wit. The insults were still there (Sasori had a tendency to associate himself with jerks) but the quiet personality was definitely gone.

"So are you going to come tonight? I don't care if Tobi tags along. It's always nice to see Deidara get angry," Sasori said as soon as he could breathe again. The last of the mob had pushed past him and the train was significantly more vacant and much quieter. As the train began to move, he glanced at the map and noted his destination was next. _Thank God._

"Yeah. Text me the time and location later, all right? Happy birthday!" Zetsu added and he hung up. Sasori smirked and quickly brushed the screen of his phone against his shirt before putting it away. It was a habit he had developed; he simply couldn't put his phone away knowing he had it pressed to his face a few moments earlier. He was so picky about the screen; he wanted to keep it as perfectly clean as possible.

He sighed and wrapped his fingers around the cool, metal pole and shoved his other hand in his pocket, tapping his foot impatiently. As the train began to slow down, he inched towards the doors. As it, not so gracefully, screeched to a halt, Sasori grabbed onto the pole for his life and dignity. As soon as the doors opened, he let go of the pole and slipped through, shouldering his way through the mob of people waiting to get onto the train. He crinkled his nose in disgust at the smells of smoke and the homeless mixing. As he reached the stairs, he looked at the exit; it was literally a light to the end of the tunnel to him.

It took him exactly thirteen seconds to reach the crisp, odor-less air. When he felt the cool breeze blow around him, he instantly relaxed. He never did like people.

As he began to head towards his grandmother's residence, he began to wonder what she could possibly want. It definitely had nothing to do with his birthday; the most Chiyo would do was wire some money into his bank account and tell him how much bluntly the next time she saw him in class. It couldn't be about grades either; despite her obvious dislike towards Sasori, she was always a fair grader and he maintained the highest grade in her class.

Just to talk?

He blinked and laughed dryly. _Hell no._

Abruptly, he stopped in front of an apartment complex and looked up at it. With stairs leading up to the double doors with brass handles and plants on either side of the doors, it was definitely one of the nicer complexes in the city. There was something about a brownstone building that Sasori liked; perhaps it was the traditional and antique feeling. But the thought of Chiyo living in it made this building entirely undesirable; that was why when a realtor offered him this building, he immediately declined upon recognizing it as Chiyo's residence.

"A-Akasuna-san…" the concierge desk looked up in shock, greeting him. He smirked and nodded to acknowledge them; he didn't blame them for being shocked to see him. They all knew of the legendary grandson of Chiyo; they just weren't sure if he was real. He heard a camera click and laughed inwardly; it was worse than he had expected.

As he approached the elevators, he felt his heartbeat start to quicken. His eyes darted around; he had only been here a handful of times but his photographic memory allowed him to remember everything. He had thought that his apartment was nicely furnished and fancy (for a student, at least). Chiyo's was at least ten times more grandiose. He loved the plush carpeting and the gold furnishing everywhere, but everywhere he looked he would see Chiyo's face and cringe.

He tried to take his time, even willing for the elevator to break. But all too soon he found himself at Chiyo's door. Lifting a hand, he realized it was shaking and he frowned. He couldn't believe he, Akasuna Sasori, was scared of a tiny, shriveled up old hag. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, breathing deeply to calm himself. He suddenly felt more confident and used it immediately as he lifted his hand and knocked against the door firmly.

"Come in."

"You know, I could have been a serial killer and you would be dead right now," Sasori called out as he pushed open the door. His sharp eyes darted around and when he saw that she was not in the kitchen, bedroom, or living room, his deduction led him to her office. Sure enough, as he pushed the door open, he saw Chiyo sitting behind a mahogany desk, a red pen in her hand killing a fellow student's test. The room was filled with bookshelves and piles of papers against every wall; the blinds were opened to let the sun stream in and it had a warm feeling to it. Except for the little old lady with the reading glasses perched on her nose, that is.

"Is there something you wanted?"

Chiyo paused from her grading and put her pen down. She sighed and looked up as she folded her hands on her desk and leaned forward. Her lips were pursed slightly and she did not look happy, like the news she was about to deliver was horrible. "As you know, bar exams are coming up in a few months and students begin their extensive preparation around this time. I am to send a list of all students that wish to take it; most register themselves and some need some probing."

"…What, you want me to make a third year take the test?" Sasori blinked and smirked, "I know you don't really look at me unless you have to, but I think you should know I'm pretty short and unintimidating unless equipped with a pencil and test."

"Always clever, Sasori," Chiyo noted dryly and sighed. After a brief pause, she looked up again. "I wish for you to take the bar exams."

"…Chiyo-baachan, I'm a second year, you know. I know I'm extremely gifted and intelligent, but I still have a year left of law school."

"Don't patronize me, Sasori!" Chiyo looked up and glared at her smirking grandson. She sighed and picked up a pen to start marking up her papers again but paused and tapped the end against the pile of papers and looked away, as if she didn't want to tell him this. "Each year, they allow me to select a few students who aren't seniors to take it as well; if they pass, they are allowed to graduate early and go straight into a firm depending on how well he performed. We may not be on the best terms, Sasori," she looked up and saw Sasori scoff and roll his eyes, "…But you are undoubtedly one of my best students. I would like for you to take the exams."

Sasori remained silent and put his hands in his pockets, looking away. He felt this was the closest Chiyo had come to congratulating him on his achievements because he had heard of instances like these. Some years Chiyo took a student or two, but most years she took none; to know that she still chose him despite how much they disliked each other, it was as if she were telling him _you've worked hard and impressed me; and now I'm recognizing you for it._ It would be hard, he realized. The exams and class were two completely different things; he may do well in class but he had absolutely no idea if he would do well. He was scared, he realized suddenly; Chiyo, the one living family member he had left, was actually recognizing him for his hard work and he didn't want to let her down; no matter how much he loathed her and the pressure she put on him, he still didn't want to disappoint. Because, like Deidara said, family is family.

"I'll do it."

Chiyo looked up and smiled slightly, seeing Sasori look at her. And in that instant she saw how they were related; they both had that motivation to succeed at all costs. His eyes were so determined right now, never wavering as they connected with hers. His lips were turned up slightly in an arrogant smirk and Chiyo suddenly felt a surge of pride. She had selected very few students for an opportunity like this and none had passed it. But looking at Sasori, she felt he stood a chance; it would be grueling, tedious, and he might go off the edge a couple of times, but she knew his work ethic. And if he wanted it, he would get it.

"Good choice. I'll see you on class on Monday then, Sasori."

Sasori gave a curt nod and turned around to leave, but Chiyo's voice rang out again and stopped him. "Sasori?"

"Yes, Chiyo-baachan?" he turned around, expecting some kind of lecture as to how hard he would have to work for these next couple of months and how she would expect him to do exceedingly well because that was her standard for him for the past couple of years. He was expecting this and so when he turned around and saw a slight smile and a soft expression on his grandmother's face, he was startled.

"…Happy birthday."'

It took him a couple of seconds for her words to register in his mind. When it occurred to him that she really did just remember, he smiled slightly, his own eyes softening slightly. "Thank you," he nodded and turned around, slipping through the door. Distantly, he heard the door to her apartment slam closed and she sighed, returning to her work. "All these papers… then the tests I still have to grade…" she muttered, her eyes scanning throughout the mess on her desk. When an odd three digit number caught her attention, she frowned and pulled the test out, staring at it.

_When did I ever give out a hundred percent?_ She frowned and stared at it, flipping through the test; she had to have a mistake, absolutely. Chiyo did not give one hundred percents; perfection did not exist in the world and she was preparing her students for that. But aside from the immaculate script, everything was right on. She blinked a couple of times and then returned to the front of the test, glancing at the name.

_Akasuna Sasori._

She let out a dry laugh and picked up her pen. She returned to the last page and circled a word and wrote a "-0.1" next to it for the misspelling of a disease. To be honest, she wouldn't even know how to spell "" and she was fairly sure Sasori misspelled it because he was falling asleep (the perfectly horizontal script was starting to tilt downwards) but it didn't matter; he needed to get a point off of something. She would ignore the fact that she had stared at the word for a good ten minutes before looking online to know what he was talking about; of course, Sasori went above and beyond for a simple case about how lack of constant environmental care could affect humans and if one who contracted any kind of disease or injury could sue. Besides, she convinced herself, this was fair. Otherwise students would be accusing her of going soft on her grandson and she certainly did not want Sasori's intelligence and hard work to be lessened just because he had the bad luck of getting her as his teacher.

Scribbling a "99.9%" after crossing out the hundred, she smiled and tucked it away again, moving onto the other tests that would undoubtedly have much more writing necessary. She supposed she was harsh on Sasori; perhaps she could have shown a bit more compassion. But she wasn't going to baby him while he was growing up; she was going to teach him how to be independent. So perhaps it came at a cost, but she was sure he would be happy in the future. Eventually all the torture he was putting himself through now would pay off in the future.

_Definitely,_ Chiyo nodded to herself, _Sasori will thank me in the future._

_ …Hopefully._

**-X-x-X-**

"Six at Mitsuko? All right, un. We'll be there."

Deidara hung up and threw his phone off to the side as he stretched and snuggled back into the pillows of the pillow fort. He had forgotten how nice it was to sleep on the floor on top of blankets. Maybe Sasori would allow him to keep this thing up for a few more days; it was oddly reminiscent of his old days. Though the bed was comfortable, he felt more natural on the floor because that was where he slept for the past year. Old habits die hard, he noted with a slight laugh.

After Sasori had left, he had cleaned up a bit (he threw the pizza boxes away) and returned to sleeping. He was forced to wake up at an ungodly hour and would be forced to act pleasant later that night; he would need his rest. As he began to drift into a light slumber again, his phone went off again. A blue eye opened irritably and looked at it, expecting to see it was Konan again.

_Ino._

Immediately, the half lidded blue eye widened and he bolted up, grabbing his phone. He scrambled out of the "fort" as he hit the green 'answer' button and stood up, taking a breath to calm himself. He pushed his long fringe out of his eyesight and focused on the white wall in front of him, his heart pounding.

"Hey Ino, un."

He heard scuffling sounds and a different voice in the background, telling Ino to say something. He immediately deduced it was Sakura. A harsh whisper of "shut up, forehead girl!" told him he was right. When they were little, Sakura and Ino had a bitter rivalry and the nicknames of "forehead girl" and "Ino-pig" stuck, even after their ultimate reconciliation over the intense annoyance towards a kid named Uzumaki Naruto. He remembered scoffing and calling Ino immature. After all, she was a lowly elementary school student and he was all the way in middle school.

But now he would give anything to be in that situation, where Ino's forgiveness could be bought with two hours of tutoring in world geography.

"…Deidara," he heard her clear her throat and couldn't help but let a small smile tug at his lips. She would always be the same little sister even if she hated him after this; she was horrible at staying angry at him. Every confrontation ended up with his lips twitching into a smile which resulted in her anger dissipating quickly. "I've uh… had time. And I thought about what you did."

"And, un?" he began to pace around the apartment impatiently, letting his feet freeze against the cold, wooden floor once he left the carpeting. His free hand was moving around awkwardly; he had his arms crossed at first but then tried to pick up a mug to have a sip of tea. The shaking hand knocked it over and he scowled, deciding to clean it up later as he tried to shove the hand into his pocket when he realized he had no pockets in his boxers. Then he ran it through his hair but he met a knot and had to bite his tongue to stop himself from yelping into the phone and into Ino's ear. Thus, he just let it hang limply at his side; that way, it wouldn't cause any more trouble for him.

"You… you're always been my brother. The one who helped me to deal with bullies and made sure I didn't fail high school… I've always looked up to you. Even when you were apologizing to me and stuff; because I learned to be humble when I had to from you. Because family relationships are more important than pride or ego. And… it's my turn to exercise that to you. But," she paused and Deidara felt his heart constrict instantly; he remembered apologizing to Ino and deflating his ego, but it was never that smooth, "…I'm not just accepting your apology. Whenever you apologized, you always made me do something because we were both at fault."

"…I'll do anything, un," Deidara let out a sigh of relief, smiling slightly. He was, of course, nervous, but he knew she wouldn't do anything to physically hurt him. Emotionally, probably. Physically, she didn't stand a chance against him.

"I've thought about this a lot, you know," she continued and he had a feeling she was twirling the cord around her finger and watching it turn purple, a nervous habit she had developed from their mother, "What to do to you. What to make you do. What would make me feel better; what would mollify this situation. And humiliating you isn't enough; degrading you isn't enough; the normal things you would make me do just wasn't enough for me. Because this affects both of us and so what I make you do should affect both of us too."

Deidara remained silent. The clumsy hand had nervously grabbed a rag and began to wipe at the spilled water messily, barely noticing droplets of water flying off of the table and hitting his feet. Very little water was getting absorbed, but his eyes failed to notice that; all senses were alert and focused on his phone right now. "…What do you want me to do, un?" he asked slowly, a cold feeling of dread pervading him.

"…I'll only forgive you if you to go to med school."

"…Brat?"

Sasori was standing in the doorway, having just gotten home. He spent the entire journey thinking about what Chiyo just said. It was just more work; the only difference was that he wasn't sure if he could just ace this. It would take more hours of work, more hours of studying, more stressing. And he wasn't even aware that he would have to prepare for this, which meant he would have to be studying twice as much as the others. Seniors started prepping in the summer so he already lost a good four or five months of studying. Even if Chiyo would give him less homework (she always did so for the juniors she recommended), studying would still take much longer than his homework ever did.

And, with a panging realization, it meant locking in his future for sure. If he took this test, he would be securing his place as a lawyer. Even if he failed, people would know and he wouldn't remain a failure. He would try again and pass it the next time and passing, obviously, meant becoming a lawyer. If he took this he would be giving up any chance of doing what he loved and he knew that. When he opened the door and saw Deidara, he immediately wondered if he was doing the right thing; maybe he should actually consult this blockhead of a roommate. But seeing the blonde grip his phone with such force told him this was not the best time to say anything; and it was his birthday, a day where he shouldn't be stressing.

_I'll leave it for some time later._

"D-danna," Deidara immediately hung up and put his phone on the table, blinking at Sasori and staring at him like a new exotic animal at the zoo, "y-you're back, un."

"Yeah," Sasori frowned and walked towards him, "Everything all right?"

"Y-yeah," Deidara forced a grin and rubbed his hands together nervously, "The uh… phone company just told me that they're about to cancel my data plan because I keep going over and I neglect to pay the bills, un."

Sasori narrowed his eyes and for a heart stopping second, Deidara thought he was going to press for more details. He had no problem telling Sasori, he just didn't want to tell him today; not when everything was supposed to be happy and relaxed. But Sasori sighed and reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and handed a couple of crisply folded bills to Deidara. "Here. Pay your bill, brat. You can't live without that thing."

"…Danna, this is backwards, un. I should be giving you money," Deidara stared at the money before breaking out into a grin and waving his hand. Sasori paused but smirked and pocketed the money and left the leather wallet on the kitchen table. "How was your grandmother, un?"

Brown eyes flitted up momentarily accompanied with a nonchalant shrug. "Normal. She just wanted to tell me about some test." Not a completely lie; he just left out the most important part. Deidara seemed satisfied as he walked towards their little hide out and crawled in. Sasori blinked and smirked, crawling in after Deidara. "You're going to spend all day in here, brat?"

"Until we've got to leave for the dinner, un," came as the answer as Deidara stretched out and collapsed onto the soft pile of pillows and blankets. Sasori laughed softly and laid down next to him, folding his hands behind his head and staring up at the blanket that was suspended over the two. Something was itching inside of Sasori; while it was relaxing to just lay there without doing anything, he didn't want to. Because this was similar to what he did for his other birthdays and he wanted to _do_ something. But he didn't want to drag Deidara out; the blonde was obviously lying about what he had been on the phone about and if he didn't tell the truth then, he obviously wasn't going to tell him soon. So he would do what Deidara seemed to want and lay there quietly. He closed his eyes and felt Deidara fidget next to him. It was no understatement to say that Deidara didn't want to lay still for the next five hours either.

"…Let's go out, un."

"I agree."

Within minutes, both males had grabbed what they needed and pulled on a decent outfit and were out of the apartment, down the elevator, and out strolling on the streets of Tokyo aimlessly. Neither had a particular destination in mind; they just knew they wanted to be moving. They didn't want to be trapped in the apartment with their problems hovering right over their heads; they didn't want to burden the other but the burden was too much to keep to themselves.

"Art store?"

"Too depressing to go there, un."

"Oh yeah, what did you do with all that clay?" Sasori glanced at Deidara with a raised eyebrow, "I just saw your eyes light up when Pein dropped it all off. I went to get something then when I came back it was all gone… all thirty eight bags of it…"

"Oh, stashed it under my bed, un," Deidara grinned, "I'll make use of it soon, un. I used the best kind for your gift."

Sasori smirked as they continued to stroll along the sidewalk. He kicked a pebble and watched it skid a few feet in front of him. As he approached it, he attempted to kick it again but was surprised to see Deidara's foot come out of nowhere and kick it. Stopping, the redhead glanced at the blonde and returned the exuberant grin with a smirk.

"You're going to regret doing that."

"Yeah right, danna, un."

The two stared at each other, before simultaneously smirking.

"Brat."

"Sasori no asshole, un."

Within a split second, people on the sidewalk had to move to the side as to not have the two sprinting artists crash into them, as they raced against each other to keep kicking the pebble away from the other, laughing and calling each other names the entire time.

**-X-x-X-**

"Tobi I **will leave you here, damnit!**"

"Tobi is sorry, Zetsu-san!"

The pale, red eyed boy came bounding out of the bathroom and ran to his bed. Zetsu watched with amusement by the door as Tobi struggled to pull on his pants and his shirt at the same time. He winced as he heard Tobi hop into the edge of the bed and let out a cry of pain but when his eyes opened, Tobi was standing by him, grinning widely and ready to go. "Let's go, Zetsu-san! Time to celebrate senpai's birthday!"

"Why do you call him senpai anyway?" Zetsu asked as Tobi closed the door and locked it and the two began to casually stroll through the hallways. His eyes ran over the other doors and bulletins on the walls, papers and flyers were everywhere. There was a whiteboard that was supposed to be used for important announcements by the residential advisor, but so far all Zetsu had seen were requests for help on classes or people offering to pay for others to take tests for them.

"Senpai gives Tobi hope that he won't become a physics nerd when he graduates!"

"…**Kid, if you're majoring in physics then there's something wrong with you already.**"

Tobi ignored the comment and held the door open for Zetsu as they exited their dorm building and began to head downtown. Their dorm building wasn't too far from the restaurant so it was a ten or fifteen minute walk; the only downside was that it was getting chilly since it was already five forty five, but Zetsu could deal with it.

"Have you seen senpai's art? It's beautiful! It combines art and explosions and colors and the fleeting and physics equations all in one! When Iruka-sensei mentioned that senpai was one of the smartest graduates, Tobi decided to start stalking him!"

Zetsu rolled his eyes as the two stopped at a large intersection and pressed the button. Zetsu always enjoyed Saturday evenings; after a day of relaxation he had another night of doing absolutely nothing and being blissful before drowning in all the homework on Sunday. Which reminded him of an internship that he needed to call someone about… he wondered how many other people were going to apply for it and if he could slip something poisonous into their drinks…

"_Tobi, you completely asinine moron!"_ Zetsu's pondering of his future was rudely interrupted as Tobi, who had been a few paces behind him, strolled casually past Zetsu and into the oncoming traffic. He was saved by the last second with a sharp jerk from Zetsu; his scarf almost choked him. _Almost._ No quite.

"Oh! Thank you, Zetsu-san!"

Zetsu looked upwards, pleading for help from the higher deities as Tobi began to talk about how excited he was to see his senpai again and how much he loved to eat marshmallows and if everyone would go to a bonfire and make s'mores. When the light turned green, the two briskly crossed the street, thus entering, what Zetsu liked to call, the Lane of Food.

On both sides, there were restaurants. All restaurants; nothing else. Every cuisine imaginable was here and Zetsu and Sasori had tried most, if not all of them (neither of them knew how to cook. The onetime Sasori tried to make dinner was when he tried to make peanut and butter sandwiches and even then he kept breaking the bread). The place Konan had chosen, Mitsuko, was a Japanese style restaurant. Not the most exciting of cuisines, but he didn't mind too much because the food was good, the atmosphere was quiet, and he never wondered just what was sitting on his plate in front of him.

"Come, Tobi. Let's go."

"Tobi wants a churro!"

"**Tobi, how do you feel about a sushi churro?**"

"Is it good?"

"…It sounds disgusting," Zetsu thought after reflecting on what he had suggested moments earlier and held the door open to the dark restaurant, following the skipping Tobi in. A pretty waitress smiled softly at them and nodded when Zetsu told them the reservation was under Akasuna and the two began to follow her through the restaurant.

The restaurant was kind of like a maze. The path itself was a maze and on either side of the path were barriers that contained tables; some areas had one large table and others had several small tables. They were usually in a circular shape, but some against the wall looked like a quarter of a circle or were a square shape. Konan and everyone else (minus Sasori and Deidara, ironically) were in one of the circular areas where there was one table. As Tobi and Zetsu entered, the waitress took their coats and hung them on the coat rack as they sat down, where another waitress handed them their menus. It wasn't a very brightly lit restaurant, but it was light enough to read the menu and see each other; it gave a sort of calming, soothing atmosphere that he liked. The lights were, Zetsu believed, a bunch of bright light bulbs encased by large, flat, circular lantern type things that hung above each of the tables. In the center of the "maze" was a bar, where Zetsu found himself frequenting occasionally.

"Have you heard from Sasori?" Konan piped up and glanced at her phone, frowning, "There's like… a minute left. You think this is the first time he'll ever be late?"

"It would be quite fun to make fun of him for this…"

"You read my mind, Itachi."

"You two are so adorable together!" as Konan squealed and Itachi and Kisame looked at her with a questioning gaze, Zetsu smirked at the thought of Sasori being late. But, he knew, as long as Sasori was there, the party would be on time. He was just worried about Deidara…

"Jesus H. Christ, danna! You just dragged me on a twenty mile sprint in about five minutes, un!"

Zetsu couldn't help but laugh as the two entered. Sasori, of course, looked absolutely flawless and took the empty seat next to Zetsu and Deidara staggered in behind him, bringing a hand up to his chest as he leaned against the back of the other chair and panted heavily, glaring at Sasori. Zetsu glanced at him and smirked. _I know just how you feel, buddy._

When Sasori gave no answer and simply picked up his menu, Deidara pulled his chair back to take the seat next to Sasori, but a sudden voice stopped him.

"Yay! Senpai's going to sit next to Tobi!"

"…Oh my God, danna, please switch seats with me, un."

"Suffer, brat."

Deidara sent daggers and drove them into the back of Sasori's head before accepting his fate and sitting down. Immediately, he scooted closer to Sasori and gave Tobi a wary look. Sasori's eyes glanced up but he decided as long as Deidara wasn't touching him, it would be okay.

"Senpai, may I braid your hair?"

"No way in hell, un!"

"Deidara, use your inside voice," Pein spoke up from across the table, glaring at Deidara for being so loud. Next to him, Konan laughed and she took a sip of her water. "Even Hidan and Kakuzu haven't argued yet."

"Dipshit, this is tap water not sparkling water!"

"Do you know how much sparkling water costs? It's a waste of money."

"You spoke too soon," Konan said, patting Pein's shoulder as he muttered a soft curse and covered his face with the menu. She laughed and used her chopsticks to pick up a piece of cucumber and held it to Pein's lips, snaking her way around the menu and his arm, waiting patiently until he reluctantly ate it.

"Get a room," Hidan muttered, rolling his eyes and fake gagging, "You guys are so lovey it's fucking disgusting."

"You're just jealous Kakuzu won't feed you."

"And why the fucking hell would I want dickhead over here to shove a cucumber in my mouth, huh?"

Pein lowered his menu and looked at Kakuzu, a smirk and evil glint in his eyes directed towards his stoic friend. The black haired man seemed to sense this and looked up from his own menu at Pein slowly, feeling cold prickles of fear all over him; his heart clenched with fear and suddenly his mouth ran dry.

"Yes, Kakuzu… why _would_ you like to feed Hidan?"

Meanwhile, Konan was staring at Itachi and Kisame, whom she was sitting next to. Kisame looked up and almost jumped out of his seat, seeing Konan's wide eyes peering at him strangely, like she was eying them like a cat its prey. He frowned and decided to stare back, to see if this would stop her from staring so curiously at him and Itachi.

"So Kisame… how was your day? Did you hang out with Itachi a lot?" she asked lightly, smiling a bit too widely. Kisame was reminded of the Joker's sadistic grin and suddenly regretted sitting next to her. Her eyes darted to Itachi and then back at him and she was leaning towards them… he was starting to get suspicious, why would she…

_Oh. God. No._

"Do you…" his voice came out in a strangled whisper as he leaned in to make sure Itachi wouldn't hear and Konan nodded vigorously, grinning happily. At that moment, Kisame's heart dropped and he knew he would forever hate the friends he chose for as long as he lived. _Oh God no. What did I do to deserve this fate?_

Itachi paid no attention to the eccentricities happening to his right and instead glanced at Tobi. He seemed to sense it and turned to Itachi grinning happily. "Itachi-niichan! Are you going to go back to Uchiha estates for Christmas dinner?"

"…You're related, un?" Deidara asked slowly, eyeing them at the mention of some fancy dinner at the Uchihas. When the two looked at him and nodded, he groaned, and banged his head against the table. _No wonder both of them annoy me so damn much, un._

Sasori smirked in satisfaction, watching Kakuzu and Kisame wither away under the looks of Pein and Konan, respectively. There was nothing more satisfactory than watching his friends suffer because of simple, petty little feelings called love. Love was such a useless feeling, Sasori decided. It did funny things to one's head and it made one's heart go unnecessarily quickly. It hindered the progression of other things and flipped priorities and it almost always resulted in pain. People said love was the best thing in the world and he disagreed. Even unconditional love didn't seem to make sense; he couldn't understand how family just _had_ to love each other. That kind of forced love… who would want a fake and forced love?

So, Sasori had decided he would never fall in love. Watching Kakuzu and Kisame squirm uncomfortably under smirks and probing eyes only reconfirmed that his decision was a brilliant one. And as far as Sasori was concerned, there would be no one that he would feel so much affection for that he would willingly make himself vulnerable and fall in love. He looked upwards and smirked at whoever was up there. _If I'm going to fall in love, I dare you to drop that person in my lap right now._

"Danna, un! Save me!"

And the deities responded by pushing Deidara right into Sasori's lap.

The redhead glared upwards. _Nice joke, morons._ "Get off me, brat."

"Sasori! Before we order, let's open your presents!" Evidently Konan had gotten bored (for the time being) of pestering Kisame and Itachi and focused her attention on Sasori again. She snapped her fingers and immediately, bags came out from under the table and were all passed from one to another until they piled around Sasori. He eyed the different assortments of bags; some were colorful with lots of tissue paper and ribbons (that was obviously Konan's) and some consisted of money stuck in a card (looked like Pein's.) He smirked and picked up Pein's card first and pulled out a two thousand yen bill. He glanced up at Pein and they exchanged smirks, a silent "thank you" and "you're welcome" was conveyed across the table. Konan rolled her eyes at the exchange but knew better than to try to force them to talk. Years of hanging out with quiet prodigies have taught her well.

"…Pein, how come you don't give me money on my birthday, un?" Deidara asked, staring at the money in Sasori's hand and wondering how that money would have helped him last year when he was still out on the streets.

"Kakuzu makes sure I don't," came as the answer and when Deidara's gaze left him, Pein knew the purpose of his answer was achieved.

At this, Deidara looked up and sent a harsh glare at Kakuzu who shrugged as Sasori picked up the white bag with his name written on a tag around the handle. The older man took a sip of his water before answering Deidara nonchalantly. "You have to earn the money that people give you."

"And what did danna ever for Pein, un?"

"Not annoy him."

Deidara scowled and crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair, still glowering at Kakuzu and Pein. Meanwhile, Sasori raised an eyebrow and held up a brochure and looked at Kakuzu with a raised eyebrow. "Open a savings account now and have an increased interest rate for the first year?"

"Oh, God, Kakuzu, give it _up_. No one gives a shit about you and your bloody bank!"

"Thanks for the money clip," Sasori smirked and examined the gold clip that was in the white bag as well. Putting that aside, he picked up another bag, the tag indicating it was from both Itachi and Kisame. He looked in and pulled out a book. As he read the title, he suddenly felt like throwing his water at the two of them and Deidara's snort of laughter did nothing to alleviate his sudden anger. "_How to Become a Better Citizen of Society_? Really?" He glared across the table at the two, ignoring the laughs and smirks from the others.

"I thought you got something from the art store," Konan turned to Kisame as Sasori picked up her gift next. Kisame turned to her and grinned, shrugging. "We figured he had everything there. So we got him a gag gift that he should seriously use."

"I hate you guys," he muttered and looked down at Konan's gift, raising an eyebrow as he pulled out a long, woolly gray scarf with matching mittens and he looked up at Konan questioningly. It was good quality; his neck was weirdly sensitive to so many kinds of materials that he was stuck using a thin one that barely did anything. But as he ran his fingers along the scarf, it was smooth, like cashmere, but thick enough that he knew his neck, at the very least, would actually feel warm.

"Sasori, I watch you walk around campus in this freezing weather with that lame scarf of yours and I'm tired of feeling cold for you! And with all your studies, you can't afford to get sick!" she scolded him gently like a mother but with a smile, "You have to learn how to take better care of yourself!"

"…Thank you," he blinked before briefly smiling and Konan paused before grinning back widely. He carefully folded the scarf and mittens and replaced them in the bag and set it aside carefully. He leaned over and picked up another bag, this one from Zetsu. As he opened it, he looked in and had to stare at it for a good few minutes before looking back up at his friend.

"You got me a cactus?" In the bag was a single cactus in a yellow pot and a small flower at the tip of it. He supposed it was pretty, but so thoroughly perplexed that Zetsu got him a cactus when it was going to be winter soon.

"Cacti are very nice plants. **Even you can't kill them!"**

He glared at Zetsu but smirked and carefully put the bag under his chair so it wouldn't get knocked over later. Out of the two left, he picked up Hidan's and immediately regretted it when he pulled the item out and stared at him, the rest of the table gawking at the item. Except for Hidan; he looked smug. The item was simple and silver, the dim light casting a soft glow on them and jingled whenever Sasori moved them.

"Handcuffs?" he asked, not noticing the outraged expression that was growing on Deidara's face and he frowned in confusion, "…I am not sure what you are implying."

"Dude! Look at Deidara! It's a two for one; he can be your bitch and, well, your bitch! You want a girl, you flip him over, you don't, you—"

"_HIDAN, UN!" _Deidara's face was a dark red as he stood up, his palms slamming down onto the table, causing it to shake. Hidan grinned and shrugged, leaning back in his chair as laughs went around the table and sighs of exhaustion.

"Blame your parents for bad genes, bitch!"

"Burn them when you get home, un," Deidara muttered as he sat down, his face still a dark red. He didn't look at Sasori but the redhead wouldn't have known, since he currently felt too awkward to look at his roommate as well.

"You read my mind," Sasori breathed and shoved the bag under some of the other ones and picked up the last one, which happened to be Tobi's. He was thankful he left Tobi's for after Hidan's since he already knew they were polar opposites; if Hidan's gift was that dirty and perverse, he was expecting Tobi's to be spouting rainbows and unicorns, something he would usually hate.

"…Candy? Really, Tobi, you got danna candy, un?" Deidara asked as he peered into the bag, "Have you ever seen danna eat anything that was in the tip of the food pyramid, un?"

"Everybody loves candy!" Tobi insisted, frowning at Deidara, and stared at the big bag of candy that Sasori was staring at incredulously. He had spent a very long time picking every single piece of candy out; since Sasori was Deidara's danna, Tobi decided his gift had to be super good. So he painstakingly chose every piece of candy that was his favorite and scrounged up all the loose change he had to pay for it. And he was rather proud of himself; he only ate about half of the bag.

"Thank you, Tobi," Sasori nodded at Tobi who grinned back and he put this last bag with the others next to his chair. Konan looked around and held up a hand, motioning for a waitress to come over and everyone instantly began to skim through the menus to remind themselves what they were going to order and to see if there was something that they had missed during the first glance over.

"You know, danna, I really think my present was the best you got this year, un," Deidara said nonchalantly as he closed his menu and took a sip of his Pepsi, smirking at the redhead, "And that's not just my arrogance talking, un."

Sasori scoffed and looked away as the waitress arrived to take their orders. Out of all the gifts he received, he had to admit, Deidara's was the one he would cherish the most. Money would be spent, that book would be burned, the candy would be thrown out, the scarf would eventually be old and tattered, the cactus would die, and the handcuffs wouldn't even make it home. But Deidara's sculpture already had a place in Sasori's study and it would be a piece of art that he would continue to take care of and look at every day. It was the only gift that would approach the concept of eternity that he so strongly believed art should be. He glanced at the blonde as the waitress went to him and listened intently as he ordered his fried noodles with no carrots and extra soy sauce, smirking. _Thank you._

**Author's Notes: ****AND FINALLY, THE PLOT BEGINS TO CRAWL ALONG. I had this entire thing planned out in a separate document and it was going to span fifteen chapters but this could very easily go up to twenty, I think. I don't know if I should be celebrating or crying.**

**Thank you for reading, please review!**


	8. hypocrisy

**.disclaimer : don't own.**

**for any kakuhida fans, thank Dagiis for the first scene. because of her, I was reminded that kakuhida is a pairing in this story too **

_**.chapter eight : hypocrisy.**_

"You're a good fucking friend, you know that?"

"Compliments are hard to accept when they are tainted with an obscene word."

After the surprisingly smooth dinner (the highlight of it was Sasori "accidentally" dumping his water on Deidara's hair to shut him up) they had separated immediately when Konan suggested going to sing karaoke. Sasori and Deidara were seen running off towards their apartment with Tobi on their trail, Zetsu cursing and following them, and Itachi and Kisame began to leisurely stroll back to their dorm. Konan did a horrible job of inconspicuously following them under the pretense of going back to school to pick something up.

Kakuzu had planned on going home immediately; after all, he had a lot of paperwork to get through and, being the meticulous reader he was, paperwork took him an extremely long time. But Pein had come up to him, flashed his phone in front of his face and said nothing but raised an eyebrow knowingly. He had smirked as Kakuzu cursed and walked up to Hidan, asking him to go to a nearby bar with him. He could _feel_ Pein's smug smirk boring into his back and couldn't wait to get his hands on Pein's phone and destroy the tiny contraption.

So he and Hidan had gone to the Akatsuki; Pein and Deidara seldom came here because of work and money, respectively. Kakuzu would admit it was a bit expensive, but as long as he only stuck to one drink he would be all right. Hidan, however, was a different story; he was on his fourth vodka and seemed to have no signs of stopping. The black haired man was slightly worried but Hidan had literally swam in a pool of alcohol before and was still alive.

"You know, you really are," Hidan slurred, grinning and hiccupped as he clapped Kakuzu on the back. The other was startled and leaned forward slightly before recovering himself and taking a small sip of his drink. "Deidara's cool and all. Yeah, he's really chill; I like to fuck around with him. There's something fun about irritating the easily irritated, you know? Pein's got a stick up his ass sometimes, but other than that he's all right. But you. You, buddy, are _different_."

"And you are drunk," Kakuzu crinkled his nose as Hidan leaned in and the stench of alcohol from his breath made him almost feel sick. They were extremely close and Kakuzu felt his heart rate speed up and he didn't like the uncomfortable feeling of his stomach twisting around. He sighed and moved over on his stool slightly to get away from Hidan, but he just leaned in even more. "Get off me. You smell horrible."

"Aw, where's the love, Kakuzu-chan?"

"It was torched by the devil and burned away to a crisp," Kakuzu answered dryly and rolled his eyes as Hidan pushed himself off of his friend and threw his head back, laughing loudly. He held up a hand and gestured towards his drink and within moments, another shot of vodka was slid across the bar towards him. Kakuzu scowled and glanced at the glass; he was starting to get worried for Hidan's life. He opened his mouth to reprimand Hidan on his drinking when he looked over and saw Hidan promptly fall off the stool, and faint on the floor. People around them paused and stared at him and Kakuzu rolled his eyes as he slid off his stool.

"…Call me a taxi, please."

Kakuzu sighed as he pulled out a few bills and left them on the counter to pay for his and Hidan's drinks before pocketing his wallet and pulling Hidan up. One of his limp arms was around Kakuzu's shoulders and Kakuzu's other arm supported him as they made their way out of the bar and to the curb, where a taxicab was already waiting. The dark haired man nodded politely, thanking the bouncer for hailing him a cab as he shoved Hidan in and slid in after him. As he closed the door, he gave the driver Hidan's address and relaxed, watching the nighttime scene of Tokyo whiz by as the car began to move. It was peaceful and Kakuzu almost forgot about the drunkard passed out next to him until he stirred from his unconscious state.

"Ka… Kaku… oi, you fucker…" Hidan was apparently having issues with his name and resorted to an insult, to Kakuzu's amusement. His apartment and the bar were relatively close to each other (Kakuzu realized this with great distaste) as the taxicab seemed to slow down sooner than he had anticipated. He pulled out a few more bills (Hidan was going to owe him big time later) and gave them to the driver as he lugged the silver haired man out of the vehicle, and into the apartment building.

He was glad Hidan's apartment complex had an elevator; if there was no elevator, he had no idea how he would drag him up fourteen flights of stairs. When the elevator doors opened, they entered and Kakuzu leaned against the wall as he pressed the button to go to the fourteenth floor. The doors closed and he heard the soft hum of the elevator as it began to rise. When it arrived (after about thirty seconds of Hidan's soft moaning), Kakuzu tightened his grip on Hidan and walked down the hallway to Hidan's apartment. Except for the fact that his tap in the kitchen and shower water were linked when they weren't supposed to, Hidan had a rather nice apartment. The hallway had a clean, wooden floor and white walls; a very minimalist feeling with floor to ceiling windows at the ends of the hallways. As he fished around in Hidan's pocket for the key, he ignored the silver haired man's "stop fucking looking for my dick!" and retrieved the key and opened the apartment and the two, ungracefully, stumbled in.

"Can you walk?"

"Leave my dick alone!"

"Guess not."

Kakuzu sighed and stood still for a few minutes to regain his strength before continuing to lug Hidan towards his room. Halfway there, he got tired and dropped his friend, earning him a loud yelp and swear. He then picked up one of Hidan's feet and dragged him through the apartment that way, giving no second thoughts as to if Hidan would have any carpet burns. When the body was next to the bed, Kakuzu used what little strength he had left to pick him up and throw him onto the large bed. Kakuzu surveyed the bed for a moment before relenting and throwing the covers over him; essentially, tucking him in.

"Asshole!" Hidan suddenly spoke; his eyes were still closed but he seemed to be semiconscious of what was going on around him.

"Yeah?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow as one of Hidan's hand shot out of the bed and waved around lazily before flopping down again.

"You're a good fucking friend, you know that?"

"You do realize you said the exact same thing earlier tonight?"

"I mean it!" Hidan continued; his eyes were still closed and Kakuzu began to wonder if he was sleep talking, "You are, no matter how much of a douchebag you are. Thanks for everything, shitbag…" he murmured before appearing to doze off into a peaceful slumber and Kakuzu smirked, rolling his eyes.

"You really got wasted tonight, huh?" he asked to no one in particular and glanced at the clock. He raised an eyebrow at how late it was and took one last look at Hidan, laughed slightly, and left his room. Hidan, who had pretended to fall asleep, heard the door to his apartment close. He then smirked and opened his eyes and folded his arms behind his head. He had long ago mastered how to act drunk without actually getting drunk and, based on tonight, Kakuzu still hadn't realized it.

"What an idiot," he muttered, still smirking, "I actually meant everything I said."

**-X-x-X-**

Deidara would do anything for Ino.

Even swallow his pride and come back to the school he had essentially given the finger to.

Last night during the dinner, Deidara had snuck off to the bathroom to call the office of admissions and request an appointment be set up with the principal. He had argued with her assistant, Shizune, for a while, but he had won after he had given his name as Iwa Deidara. She had paused for a few moments before telling him to come in the following day at ten in the morning exactly. It was only now that he realized Tsunade probably remembered him and wanted to yell at him. Back in his undergrad days, he remembered making snide comments about her and her age…

The campus was still ingrained in his memory as he navigated his way to the admissions building with no problem. He heard whispers and people pointing to him and almost smirked; it was like he had a celebrity status. Sasori had a class right now so he wouldn't need to worry about bumping into him; the blonde would definitely tell his roommate about this but just not yet. He felt bad keeping it from him but Deidara wanted to have a whole, complete story to tell Sasori, not just a bunch of pieces.

That morning, he had sat at the kitchen table, stirring his coffee for what felt like forever as he watched Sasori stroll around the apartment, taking his time before leaving. He was about to snap but managed to resist; he had a meeting with Tsunade but didn't feel like explaining to Sasori why he was going to school with him. So the blonde sat at the table and stared at the redhead intensely as he ate his yogurt, took his time locating his missing sock, and finally left the apartment. And then about half an hour later, Deidara left, taking the same way Sasori went to get to the school with the subway and was now navigating his way on campus.

When he reached the old building he remembered so well, he sighed before going up the stairs and entering. Immediately, everyone stopped and looked at him and he stared back awkwardly, frowning. It was the exact same as he had remembered it: brochures and pamphlets lining an entire wall, a flat screen television that served no purpose, plants and couches and tables in the open areas, and old ladies sitting at the desk and eying anyone that came in suspiciously. He cleared his throat and walked over to one of them, darting his blue eyes around nervously. "I'm here to see Tsunade-san?"

"Last door to your left down that hallway."

He nodded to indicate his thanks and went down the hallway she had gestured towards. Passing by closed doors, he idly glanced at them; names of people were imprinted on the door and he could vaguely see shadows move behind the partially closed blinds. He realized he had never come here before; he never had a reason to go to the principal's office because he was a relatively good student (except the occasional insults towards Tsunade). Any scholarships or awards he won, he dealt with at the desk or at his counselor's office; never had he actually been congratulated by the principal herself.

After what felt like a walk that took forever, he reached the last door and rapped his knuckles against the cool and smooth wood nervously, feeling his heart race. After a few moments, he heard a "come in" and he twisted the brass doorknob and entered, feeling the temperature suddenly drop ten degrees with the woman's chilly gaze.

"Iwa Deidara."

"…Tsunade-san," Deidara twitched under the harsh, judging look from her brown eyes (he was suddenly reminded of Sasori and his judgmental looks as well). His hand lingered on the doorknob before he removed it and took the seat Tsunade gestured at in front of her desk. He fidgeted nervously and looked around the office; it was a large and spacious office, but he supposed he could expect nothing less from the office of the principal of the university.

Behind Tsunade were two windows and the dark green curtains were pushed to the side to let the sunlight in. Bookshelves lined the rest of the wall on either side, overflowing with books and papers. To one side was another display case with an impressive amount of medals and plagues. On the other side, next to another window, was a glass coffee table and leather couches that looked so much more comfortable than the hard, wooden chair Deidara was squirming around in currently; he could see the university catalogues on it and he smirked, remembering flipping through them with so little interest.

"Something funny, Iwa?"

"N-no," he jumped when she barked and immediately turned to her. Tsunade frowned and folded her hands, scrutinizing him carefully. She still looked incredibly young for her age even after a year of not seeing her; she had to be at least fifty but she looked to be in her twenties and thirties, with a smooth, pale face and her blonde hair tied into pigtails.

"What has made you reconsider school?" she finally asked and leaned back into her chair, glancing down at what he assumed were his files. She began to flip through and nodded as she skimmed the pages, "Excellent student, good work ethic, one of the brightest of the graduating class. So what reason do you have for withdrawing your admission on such short notice and coming back a year later to ask for that spot again? I understand that you are incredibly bright, but you should be extremely grateful that I am even considering giving you a chance to be readmitted without reapplying."

"I am," he said hastily, and cleared his throat and chewed his lip briefly, "I… I needed to clear my head, un. Because, I'm sure you would agree, medical school is such a huge decision in life. It's also extremely hard and… I had a panic attack, I guess, un. I didn't want to disappoint everyone that thought so highly of me so… I panicked and withdrew my admission at the last moment and took a year off to clear my head. But now that I did, I realize that I belong here with my classmates, that being a doctor is what I really want to be, un. I know what I did was wrong and I am completely willing to work extra hard to take advantage of a second opportunity if given one."

It was all made up; every single lie. The year off had made him realize that what he truly wanted to do was his art, that dropping out of medical school was the best decision he ever made. But if this was what it took to get Ino to forgive him, it would be no problem to do it; he could suffer through about a decade. His art, he knew, would always be there. But Ino was something he could easily lose and never get back and Deidara would do anything to keep his little sister.

"So what have you been doing in your time off?" Tsunade asked softly; she was still staring at him but her eyes were much softer now, as if his previous speech had actually struck a nerve in her. She even smiled slightly and Deidara felt the tiniest of flutters of hope in him.

"I experimented with art, un," his eyes suddenly lit up when he began talking about his art, "I made sculptures and exploded them, un! All the physics I learned came in use when I learned that I could control even true art, something that is so impromptu and fleeting. I could control how far up it went, the radius of the explosion; anything I wanted. And that…" he paused and suddenly remembered why he was here; he was here to get a second chance at medical school, not to talk about how much his art meant to him, "…that… the passion I felt from my art didn't match the passion that I have for medicine."

Another lie. But lying well was included in Deidara's cleverness; he could make anyone believe anything he wanted. He never used this skill for selfish and greedy purposes because of an overbearing sense of guilt that would then consume him. Judging by Tsunade's expression, he assumed she believed him and his lame change of topic to relate to why he was here. With every word of his last lie, he felt like he was stabbing himself with a needle; to say that his passion for medicine was greater than his passion for his art was such a lie, one that even he could barely fathom.

"Very well, Iwa," Tsunade seemed pleased with his answers and leaned back, scribbling something on his files, "You may leave. I will call you sometime this week to notify you if you will be enrolled or not."

"Th-thank you, Tsunade-san, un," Deidara stammered and stood up shakily, exiting the office quietly. As he navigated his way through the building, he felt lightheaded and saw spots before his eyes. It probably lasted only ten minutes in total, but he felt he had just put his entire future into someone else's hands; whatever Tsunade decided would be the end of him. Either he would lose Ino or he would lose what he loved, and both seemed unbearable. As he left the building and reached the crisp air outside, he let out a long breath and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself.

_What have I done, un…?_

He would have to tell all his friends. Even the new ones because they counted as friends too now. He frowned and tried to imagine their reactions; some would probably call him an idiot and others would say he made a smart choice. But Sasori… Sasori probably wouldn't be happy with his choice. He would glare at him and scoff, or maybe even smirk and say that he was right after all. Deidara sighed again and began to walk down the stairs; aside from everyone else, he wondered how he himself would feel. He knew this was the right thing on paper because he would establish a good relationship with Ino again, would be in the good graces of society, and be able to get back on his feet instead of scrounging up money just to get by. But a tiny nagging feeling wouldn't leave him alone, one that insisted he was making a horrible mistake and he would regret it.

_Screw it, un,_ Deidara thought lazily and shoved his hands in his pockets as he headed towards the subway to go home, _I can suffer for a bit._

He reached the entrance of the subway and he paused, frowning and squinting his eyes. He vaguely saw a line and scoffed, turning on his heel and walked to the edge of the sidewalk, holding his arm out to hail a taxi. While he did realize he needed to save money, the taxi home was only a few hundred yen more and he would be home an hour sooner, judging by that crowd waiting to purchase tickets. When a yellow taxi slowed down, he opened the door and entered, immediately wrinkling his nose as he looked at his driver.

"Isn't it illegal to smoke in a taxicab, un?"

"You want to walk, kid?"

Deidara rolled his eyes and told him the address, adding that he should at least roll down the windows. As the cab began to move, the windows were lowered to Deidara's pleasure and the smell of smoke was quickly diluted so that he could barely smell it anymore. He let his arm hang out of the window and he leaned back, his hair whipping around him and tickling his face.

"So kid, you in school?" the driver asked casually as he paused at a red light and turned when there were no cars. Deidara smirked at the irony of being asked and sighed.

"Think I just returned, un. Med school."

"You're one o' the smart ones, huh?" he chuckled and frowned, honking at a car that was lingering at a green light. "Damn fuckers learn to drive…"

Deidara laughed; he remembered learning to drive and deciding he would never drive in Tokyo again because of the insane traffic and morons thinking they knew how to operate a vehicle. He passed the class and got his license, but he had no insurance, no car, and hadn't driven in several years; he would be surprised if he still knew which pedal to push to accelerate. "Guess so, un."

"You sure don't sound happy 'bout it."

He smirked, still looking out the window. "I'm not, un. If I could choose to be anything in the world, a doctor would be on the bottom of the list. I'm doing it to make someone happy, un."

"Damn big sacrifice. This person must be 'portant."

"…Yeah. She's the most important person in my life, un. You have a little sister?"

"Mhm. Ah, gotcha. Well," he stopped in front of Sasori's apartment complex and nodded in gratitude as Deidara gave him a few crumbled bills and told him to keep the change, "little sisters are 'portant, but make sure you live your life for yourself, a'ight?" he said as Deidara stepped out, "Be happy, kid."

"Thanks, un," Deidara grinned and closed the door. He walked up to the complex and entered, feeling relatively happy; that was certainly one of the most interesting taxicab rides he had ever had. He hadn't had a taxi ride in a while but he knew this would be one of the most unique in a while, he thought as he went up the elevator and fished out the key to unlock the door to the apartment.

When he entered the apartment, he glanced at the entrance and saw that Sasori was already home, surprising him because it was only about 11:30. He thought for sure Sasori would have more classes or at least eat lunch at the school. But Sasori's shoes were there and the door to the study was almost completely closed. The blue eyes swept over the kitchen and quickly deduced the redhead still hadn't eaten; that morning he just rushed out of the apartment and went straight to school without any mentions of getting food along the way. Deidara knew from firsthand experience that studying or doing homework was ten times harder with a full stomach and so he immediately went to the kitchen to prepare Sasori something to eat.

Meanwhile, Sasori had heard someone come back and immediately deduced it was Deidara as whoever it was had headed into the kitchen and not into the study to kill him. He ignored it and continued studying for the bar exams; on Mondays, he typically had about three classes. But after his first class, he had learned that all students taking the bar exams would be excused from any classes to study for the exams (he had heard it from a fellow student so he wasn't sure if the teachers were all right with it or if it was just "tradition"). The professors weren't concerned about if these students really did study. For one thing, an upperclassman that was still in law school showed dedication and very few people would take the bar exams lightly. Secondly, red eyes and a zombie look could be attributed to endless nights of studying or endless nights of partying. What told the professors that the students studied was that the students also continually muttered under their breath, usually the Japanese Constitution, memorized word by word.

So Sasori had set off back to his apartment right after his Constitutional Litigation class; he would be excused from any tests but would still have to keep up for the homework, so he decided to try to get ahead. It made sense; instead of taking several small tests, the bar exams would probably act as a conglomeration of them. The homework load was also lessened slightly but he planned on doing the original amount anyway. It would only help him to study in the long run.

"Danna, un."

Sasori glanced up disinterestedly as the door to his study flew open and Deidara marched in, holding a plate with a peanut butter and banana sandwich. He strode across the hardwood floor and set it down on top of a stack of textbooks, glaring at the redhead who rolled his eyes and returned to taking his practice test. "Look," Deidara said, picking up the plate and hovering it right beneath Sasori's nose, earning him an annoyed glance, "this is called food, un. You pick it up, you bite, you chew, you swallow, you repeat. You need this stuff to live."

"I know how to eat, moron."

Deidara frowned and crossed his arms, surveying all the stuff on the desk. He was working on an open book and circling things and was surrounded by two piles of books; one was a pile of his textbooks and the other was a pile of study books for something. Scrap pieces of paper were everywhere and Deidara saw tree diagrams and things that made his head spin. The light and pencil holder was pushed to the very edge, and next to it…

"Hm? You're keeping my sculpture on your desk, un? You must really like it," Deidara smirked as he leaned down to inspect the gift he gave Sasori. The redhead paused from his studying and glanced up, scoffing before looking down again. But Deidara was not willing to let his attention go so easily. "So what're you studying for, un? Big test tomorrow so you ditched class?"

Sasori's eyes flickered up momentarily and Deidara was pleased to see that his pencil had stopped moving. Sighing, he placed the writing utensil down and rested his chin against his palm, looking up at the blonde with his brown eyes lazily; it suddenly occurred to him that he had still yet to tell Deidara of the bar exams. For some reason he wanted to share this bit of news; possibly just so he would know and leave him alone or maybe for Deidara to scold him about following his true passions. Something was still nagging at him; something was telling him that this choice wasn't right for him and it was almost as if he wanted Deidara to be the voice that told him to not do it. _But that's absurd, _he immediately thought, _I'm already dedicating myself to this._

"Chiyo-baachan… is having me take the bar exams," he started slowly and Deidara arched a blonde eyebrow, "It's… a privilege, so I am honored to be taking this as a second year. It's hard work and I know it's going to force me into the career of a lawyer. But… you, out of everyone I know, should understand how it feels to want to impress your family." As he was speaking, he noticed the surprised expression was turning into one of annoyance and as he finished, he waited for the explosion.

"…What the _fuck_, danna, un?"

"You obviously didn't listen to the last sentence," Sasori muttered as Deidara's eyes blazed angrily and he put his hands on his hips. He sighed and prepared himself for the angry rant that probably wouldn't last too long. He glanced at his phone and decided he would give Deidara ten minutes. A minute more and he would resume studying.

"Danna! I know your grandmother is important to you but what you love is important to you too, un! She's your family so she should care more about what you want instead of what she wants for you! Besides, you're already completely possessed by law school; how are you going to act like with these exam things coming up, un? More hours of studying and holing yourself up in your room? Are you going to give up sleep altogether? You don't have to force yourself to do what she wants to make her happy, un. Because I guarantee, if you force yourself to be a lawyer, you'll only be superficially happy. Your grandmother will be happy, you'll have money, and society will like you. But that's only superficial, un. When you reflect on what you did when you're forty and old, you'll remember when you were twenty five and wonder why you made the stupid decision of pursuing this instead of your puppets. Because that's what you love, and I don't want to watch you go down the path of impressing others because I almost went down that path, un. Because… danna, you're my friend. And so I care if you're happy or not."

Sasori glanced at his phone and was surprised to see that speech only took him about seven minutes. Sighing, he looked back at him and smirked slightly. "Thanks for your concern, but I'll be fine. I won't regret my decision. Life is about working hard and relaxing later anyway, and this will ensure that I'll be working hard." While he said that he wouldn't regret his decision, he already felt that he was regretting it. Because sitting there at his desk as a twenty five year old, he did not want to be a lawyer in fifteen years. Even as a partner, the thought of a career in law just didn't interest him at all. And suddenly, looking at Deidara, he was so jealous that he had the courage to drop everything and go after what he loved, sacrificing expectations and stability. He was too cowardly, Sasori suddenly realized; he was smart, logical, and a hard worker. He could do anything he set his mind to, but what he lacked was courage.

As Deidara was yelling, he realized that he was being a hypocrite for telling Sasori off about cementing his future as a lawyer because he had almost essentially done the same thing by asking to go back to law school. He felt slightly guilty but brushed it off; Deidara wasn't even sure if he was going to be readmitted but if Sasori took these exams, he'd definitely become a lawyer. And that was where they differed, and that was why Deidara felt it was logical for him to yell. But at the same time, the twinge of guilt wouldn't leave him and he decided he truly had no right to yell. He suddenly remembered that he would definitely have to tell Sasori about med school, but he just couldn't imagine when to tell him, especially after that speech. He bit his lip and looked away, frowning nervously. All he wanted, truthfully, was for the people around him to be happy. He wanted Ino to be happy, so he would make himself go through medical school. He wanted Sasori to be happy, so he wanted to make sure he wasn't doing this solely for the purpose of his grandmother. "Just… just make sure you're doing the right thing, un. …You've got time before this thing, right?"

Sasori nodded quietly and Deidara stared back, equally silent. The blue eyes glanced to the side at the sandwich resting on the white plat on top of the ominous looking books that Sasori would probably have memorized by next week if Deidara wouldn't make sure he still interacted with people. "…Eat, okay? I can't make you not take the test but I can make sure you don't starve to death, un."

The redhead laughed slightly and nodded. Deidara smiled back weakly and turned around, leaving Sasori in peace and closing the door softly behind him. When he heard the door close, Sasori sighed and rubbed his eyes, frowning. He glanced at the sandwich through blurry eyes and smiled slightly, touched by the idea that Deidara would know he ate nothing that day. He picked it up and took a bite, relishing the texture of the bread and the taste of the peanut butter and banana. He suddenly realized he was starving, the sensation dulled by his intense focus on his studies.

A vibrating noise suddenly disrupted the silence and immediately Sasori's hand went to his phone and he slid it open, pressing it to his ear. "Sasori speaking."

"Sasori. If you would like, I have copies of some of the more recent bar exams available for studying purposes," Chiyo's voice came through and Sasori put the half eaten sandwich down, taking a huge gulp of water because of the stickiness of the peanut butter. He cleared his throat and glanced at the pile of study books, deciding an actual test would be useful.

"Yeah, that would be appreciated. Can I pick them up tomorrow during class?"

"I will drop them off later today."

"Oh, you're being nice to me?"

"Good luck with your preparation," Chiyo said curtly and hung up, leaving Sasori smirking. Placing his phone on the small empty space on the desk again, he sighed, staring at all the books before him as he finished the sandwich. His head was starting to hurt already and he had barely been studying for more than an hour. He sighed and folded his arms on top of the study book and rested his head against them, closing his eyes. A small nap wouldn't hurt, he figured. He was over studying for the first day of months of preparation.

_"Because… danna, you're my friend. And so I care if you're happy or not."_

He smirked tiredly before drifting off into oblivion. He certainly was interesting; one of the most earnest and charismatic people he had ever met. And, to his surprise, it wasn't as bad a thing as he had thought.

**-X-x-X-**

"Kisame."

"Hm?" the swimmer looked up in surprise to see Itachi crouching at the end of his lane. With his free time today, he decided to go practice because he wanted to shave a few seconds off his fastest time for the 100 meter freestyle before the end of his year. He had snuck out of the dorm early this morning because Itachi seemed to be studiously typing away at something. It was strange to see the Uchiha here; he typically didn't think of him to be affiliated with water. In fact, Kisame wondered if Itachi was hydrophobic but considering his shoes were getting wet because of the sloshing water in the pool and he didn't seem perturbed erased that thought. "You need something?"

"Konan seems to have taken an interest in us."

_Oh shit._ "…How so?" Kisame asked and cleared his throat, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. He suddenly wished he wasn't in the pool and had some actual clothes on; it certainly didn't help with his feeling of being extremely exposed. _Why didn't I pick to be good at a sport like… skiing? Damn…_

"I have a feeling she believes that she has the skills necessary to convince us to profess undying feelings of attraction towards one another," Itachi said calmly and Kisame couldn't help but feel that they were two business partners talking crap about a lowly employee. _I need some normal friends._

"I-is that so?" Kisame stammered, avoiding Itachi's gaze, "Well uh… that's… that's great for her… I guess?"

"And thus, I would like to propose a plan," Itachi continued, "Her incessant stares and silly smiles are all too obvious. As well as her overuse of the word 'together'. Truthfully, it is entertaining to watch her, but I do not appreciate all the attention she has bestowed upon us." Itachi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if just remembering Konan's stares and exaggerated smiles was giving him a headache.

"First of all, I reciprocate your feelings," Itachi began speaking again, ignoring Kisame's flabbergasted look, "However, for the sake of torturing Konan, I believe we should act as if we were simply friends around her and see what lengths she will go to achieve her purpose. I tell you of my feelings so that you will not be left wondering as well as Konan; my goal is to torture her, not you."

"Wait so you…"

"Starting tomorrow, we will initiate this plan of action. Furthermore, during group gatherings, we will continue to remain as friends. Also, when we go out together, I believe that Konan will be stalking us. Thus, we will have to make sure to continue this façade. Also…"

"Wait, Itachi…"

"I believe if that we maintain an air of ignorance, it would also be quite beneficial for us. For there should be nothing that irritates Konan more than seeing the two of us not realizing we have feelings for each other. At first she will feel happy because she thinks she will be doing us a favor, but if we continue to pretend to not know, she will only get irritated."

"Uchiha! I never thought I'd say this, but you talk way too much!" Kisame growled and reached up, grabbing Itachi's wrist and in a single, deft movement, pulled him into the water. The swimmer laughed when Itachi resurfaced and glared at him; it was just so weird to see the put together Uchiha with his hair wet and clothes sticking to him with such an angry expression. Truthfully, had Kisame been on land, he would be scared. But in water, he could easily out swim Itachi.

"Kisame… I will _kill_ you."

Before Kisame could even push himself off the wall, Itachi pushed him down and submerged him, catching him off guard. He opened his eyes underwater and was surprised to see Itachi was smirking, his own eyes open. Kisame frowned slightly; it took him a while to be able to open his eyes underwater without it stinging too badly. He found it slightly unfair that Itachi seemed to have no problems with it.

"Hey… isn't that Hoshigaki-senpai and Uchiha-senpai underwater? What are they doing?"

"…Are they wrestling?"

"…Ten bucks the Uchiha's going to drown. We all know Hoshigaki's part fish."

"God, you guys are jerks. I'll go call the nurse and find someone CPR certified…"

**-X-x-X-**

_Bzzzt._

Deidara glanced up from the small clay sculpture he was working on and listened for a few moments to see if Sasori was going to answer. When he heard no other movement, he sighed and stood up, rubbing his hands together to get rid of some of the clay as he headed over to the door. Sasori hated it when he did that, but he found it fun to annoy the redhead. First Sasori would stare at the mess, then click his tongue and narrow his eyes… and then Deidara had to run for his life.

He paused by the refrigerator and took out a carrot and headed over, opening it. He raised an eyebrow; he was expecting maybe a pizza man (Sasori would subconsciously order pizza at least twice a week and not even know it) or some random kid that looked disheveled and fell to his knees, wailing "please get me Akasuna-senpai, _I need him to save me!_"

Deidara liked to laugh and slam the door shut in their faces.

"Is Sasori here?" an old woman asked immediately and somehow Deidara recognized her as Chiyo. Her addressing of Sasori as Sasori indicated she wasn't a pizza delivery person or a student; the informality also told him that she was familiar with him. And Deidara was pretty sure he had met all three of Sasori's friends. She was short and had grey hair tied up in a bun; Deidara didn't know it was possible for a grandmother to look this terrifying but Chiyo had a strict air around her, similar to Sasori's.

"So you're the legendary Akasuna Chiyo, huh?" Deidara asked lazily, leaning against the doorframe as he surveyed the short woman in front of him. He bit the end of a carrot and frowned at her, "I thought you'd be more intimidating if you had such control over danna, un."

"…You refer to Sasori as 'danna'?" Chiyo asked and handed him a thick manila envelope. While Sasori had never mentioned a roommate, she had assumed he had one. But she certainly was surprised at what he was like. Raising Sasori as he grew up taught her that he was a very independent, very quiet person, one that disliked obnoxious people like the one before him. But the fact he was still here… maybe Sasori had changed from when she had actually paid attention to him as a person.

"Yeah. He's an artistic genius you know, un," Deidara grinned, "And he loves it; I can see it in his eyes when he works on his puppets. You can tell a true artist from an amateur by the passion in his eyes; danna is genuinely happy and excited only when he's working on his art, un."

"You seem to know him well," Chiyo commented softly. This person, though blunt and talkative, also had an air of charisma around him that just made people pay attention to him. He had an air of confidence that attracted people; maybe this was why Sasori could stand him. She couldn't help but smile slightly; she was glad Sasori met someone like him. She had always hoped that eventually he found receive the love he never received as a child.

"I like to think that, un. He's not eating that much lately though because of those stupid exams. I'm really close to just shoving something down his throat, un…"

She sighed, neglecting to notice that Sasori came out of his study and was hovering just around the corner, eavesdropping on their conversation. She had a feeling Sasori would push himself to his limits for this test and that was her main concern when deciding if she should tell him about the exams. Her eyes softened and she smiled slightly as she began talking, in a quieter tone that was more relaxed. "Sasori… is a picky eater. He doesn't like anything overly sweet or fattening and prefers to eat healthy things. His favorite thing to eat is strawberries and he almost always makes sure there are some in the refrigerator. He's sensitive to the cold but hates wearing pajamas… so make sure he always has at least two blankets. Also, the most important, if you ever, _ever_ spill something, clean it up immediately or Sasori will get angry about it." She trailed off and looked down, smiling softly. Sasori, from behind the corner, smirked and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall and looking upwards. _Surprised she still knows so much._

"You seem to know him well, un," Deidara laughed, "You want to come in? Danna should be taking a break from studying sometime soon."

"No, it's all right. Sasori and I aren't on pleasant speaking terms. Please tell him the answer keys are the colored sheets of paper," Chiyo seemed to have adopted the cold tone she was using before and turned around, heading towards the elevator. Deidara watched as she got into the elevator and closed the door, staring at the envelope as he headed towards the study. Once he rounded the corner, Sasori grabbed the envelope, which scared the living daylights out of him.

"The crap, danna? You couldn't have said something, un?"

"I like to catch you off guard," Sasori answered simply and opened the envelope, peering inside and nodding in satisfaction when he saw the separate tests all paper clipped individually with the answer keys. "Nice chat with my grandmother?"

"Ah, I had a feeling you were listening," Deidara looked smug suddenly then his features relaxed into a soft smile and when Sasori looked up, he was surprised at the sudden change in expression, "She cares for you, un. You should try to spend more time with her before it's too late."

"I already spend too much time with her," Sasori muttered and turned to return to his study, but Deidara stopped him again.

"You say that now danna, but when you lose someone… you lose them forever, un. Especially when it's family," he said quietly with a distant gaze in his eyes, "…Never take anything for granted. It can be gone before you know it, un."

"…What do you want me to do? Invite her over for dinner?" he scoffed and returned to his study room, closing the door loudly behind him. Deidara laughed and went back into his room, not feeling bad at all for pushing Sasori slightly. He wished he had someone to tell him that before his parents died; the one thing he regretted most was not being a better son and he didn't want Sasori to make the same mistake.

He sat down in his chair again and picked up the rocking chair he had been sculpting. He had meant to complete it and give it to Sasori to tell him he acted like an old grandpa and blow it up, but he decided he didn't want to risk blinding him. The blonde sighed and scrutinized it, noticing one of the legs seemed to be slightly curved. He rested his elbows on the desk and pressed his fingers together around it lightly. He suddenly found himself wondering if Sasori ate the sandwich and immediately rolled his eyes, ignoring the thought.

"Who cares if he lives… as long as the police don't blame me I'll be fine, un…"

"Brat, if I died, you'd have nowhere to live. Here, Ino's calling."

Deidara nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Sasori behind him, his outstretched hand holding his phone. The blonde's eyes widened and he grabbed the phone, wondering how he could possibly just leave it lying around. Sasori smirked at the reaction and turned around to leave as Deidara stuck his tongue out and pressed the phone to his ear, setting his sculpture down carefully. He would need to go to the park again soon; the people must be wondering what happened to him.

"Hello, un?"

"Deidara! I saw you walking out of the admissions office today! Did you talk to Tsunade-sensei?" Ino's bright voice chirped in his ear and Deidara cringed; he had almost forgotten that he had basically handed his life to the old blonde lady.

"Yeah, un. She said she'd think about it."

"I got Sakura to vouch for you too! And the Hyuugas… and Shikamaru… actually, I basically rallied anyone in my class. You'll get in for sure, I guarantee it!" Ino had no idea her words almost made Deidara head desk. "…Hello?"

"Oh, that's great, un," he muttered absentmindedly. He brought a hand up and covered half his face, sighing. The more time that passed, the more certain he was that he made a horrible choice; he had always put what Ino wanted before his own desires and usually he followed through without too much of a hassle. But this time was different. He never felt such reluctance to follow through with what he promised her. Just the idea of going to med school dimmed his entire future, even at the prospect of making Ino happy.

"I have to go," she said and Deidara smirked, hearing Sakura recite the glycolysis process in the background, "We've got a biology test tomorrow and I have to learn cell respiration and photosynthesis… hopefully next time I call there'll be good news!"

Deidara hung up after hearing the click and put his phone on his desk, leaning back in the chair. He looked up at his wall and decided it looked too boring; what he wanted to do was send one of his sculpture up into the air and explode it. But he figured Sasori wouldn't be too pleased with that idea and while Deidara liked to annoy him, he certainly didn't want to be cast out on the streets. He went to pick up the sculpture again but decided against it and stood up. He stared at his clay caked hands as he went into the bathroom and turned on the faucet, scrubbing them with soap. Sasori initially insisted on having bland soap because there was no point in having hands that smelled like roses and rolled his eyes when Deidara brought back scented soap. But upon seeing that it was strawberry scented, Sasori relented.

Deidara caught Sasori smelling his hands occasionally and planned to never let him live it down.

The blonde blinked and frowned, putting a hand on his stomach as he heard it growl. He glanced at the clock and noticed it was just about dinner time. While he usually did all the cooking, Sasori was the one who told him what to make. Deidara didn't like to think about what to make and Sasori liked to be demanding, so it was the best of both worlds. Except they usually got into arguments because even if Deidara didn't like to think about what to make, he usually had issues with what Sasori suggested.

"Danna, un!" Deidara took in a huge breath and yelled from his bed, deciding it wasn't worth it to get up and physically go to the other room, "What do you want for dinner, un?"

"I don't care!"

"Well, pick something, un! Or we're both starving tonight!"

"I told you, I don't care! I don't even plan on eating!"

"Danna! Don't die on me!"

"_Can you two shut up and stop yelling? The entire floor can hear you!"_ a new voice interjected in their conversation as someone banged on the door and yelled at the two. Deidara rolled his eyes and he heard Sasori mutter something incoherent, then fall silent, leaving Deidara to stare up at the ceiling and wonder what he would have for dinner. The silence was unnerving him; as a result, he began to yell across the apartment again, disregarding everyone else on the floor.

"Danna, un!"

"What the hell do you want?" came the annoyed response and Deidara scowled briefly; it wasn't his fault that Sasori had all that studying to do. In fact, Deidara was a believer of the contrary; he wanted Sasori to not study for that test. But, he figured, Sasori had to make his own mistakes. He just was getting tired of getting snapped at.

"Oi!" he yelled back angrily, "Don't snap at me, un! It's not my fault you're killing yourself with this damn test!"

"Just tell me what you want, brat! I don't need you as a nuisance distracting me anymore!"

Deidara's brow furrowed and his eyes flashed angrily as he swung his legs off the bed and stood up, stomping through the apartment towards Sasori's study room. He flung open the door, watching as Sasori lifted his eyes slowly when he heard the door slam against the wall. It was sure to have left a dent, but Deidara didn't care. "Fix your attitude, un."

"Fix your personality."

"What's your problem, un?" Sasori had looked down, expecting Deidara to leave, but was surprised to hear a bunch of his books being slid off the desk and sent spilling onto the ground. When he looked up, Deidara was sitting on the edge of his desk and glaring at him, his expression portraying nothing but irritation. "Exactly what did I even do? All I did was ask what you wanted for dinner, un."

"Get off of my desk," Sasori answered coolly, giving Deidara a three second glare and promptly returned to his studying. Deidara clenched his fist and narrowed his eyes at Sasori. He always had a rather fiery temper but, to be fair, it was rarely ignited to this extreme. Without thinking twice or what Sasori would do, he grabbed the practice test Sasori was working on and flung it behind him, keeping his eyes on Sasori as he heard the papers separate and flutter onto the ground. Sasori's eyes widened as he watched his papers gently land in a disarray. They then narrowed as they moved to Deidara's rather smug looking face and his grip on his pencil tightened. "I hope you plan on cleaning that up."

"You know, you weren't such an asshole when I first moved in, un."

"You didn't move in. You forced your way in," Sasori said and stood up, walking around the desk towards the papers. Sighing, he picked a few up and glanced at the question numbers and frowned as he began to organize them. Deidara, feeling neglected once again, hopped off the desk, and kicked some of the papers that Sasori was reaching for out of his reach. The redhead paused and looked up at him. If Deidara weren't in such a foul mood, he probably would have felt scared by the coldness of the glare. "What the hell is your problem?"

"What the hell is _your_ problem, un? If this damn test is making you act like this, it'd be better for everyone if you just didn't take it, un," he spat and shoved his hands in his pockets. Sasori stood up and placed the few pages he had in order on his desk and crossed his arms, looking straight at Deidara.

"I have my own reasons for taking the test."

"Yeah, pleasing your grandmother, un. What a grandma's boy you are, danna."

"You don't know anything, so just _shut your mouth,_ you insolent brat."

"All I know is that you're obviously too scared to do what you want to do," Deidara smirked when he saw Sasori scowl angrily, "So you take the safe way and you do what your grandmother wants, un. Guess you really are a puppet, hm? Little Sasori can't do _anything_ by himself…"

Deidara's glory was short lived; he barely had time to register the angered expression on Sasori's face before he was knocked to the ground. As soon as he felt his head collide with the cool wooden floor, he barely had time to register that Sasori was on top of him when he felt a fist collide with his jaw. Stars appeared in front of his eyes and he let out a curse loudly; he had forgotten just how hard Sasori could actually hit.

"Fuck you, un!" Deidara growled and winced, feeling a searing pain shoot through him. As he saw Sasori's fist prepare to hit him again, he instantly sent his own fist flying, smirking in satisfaction when it collided with Sasori's cheek; his knuckles throbbed and he had a feeling he hit the cheekbone or the eye. Either way, Sasori was thrown off of him and covered the upper left cheek area with his hand, the other eye still glaring at him heavily. He removed his hand and glanced at it. Seeing no blood he winced at the pain and stood up. Deidara followed suit and they stared at each other; a heavy tension between them.

"Get out," he stated simply and flatly. Deidara smirked and shrugged, giving a sarcastic two finger salute as he turned around and slammed the door shut after him. After a few moments of silence Sasori frowned and immediately winced as a new surge of pain emerged. He sighed and brought a hand up to the area by his eye and touched it gingerly as he headed towards the refrigerator and took out an icepack, pressing it lightly to the bruised area. He would probably be sporting a black eye for a few days, but it wouldn't matter since he was planning to set foot outside his apartment for a while anyway.

As for his relationship with Deidara…

The redhead scoffed at the thought of his blonde roommate and paused as he was walking back to his study. With his left hand holding the icepack to his face, his right fist shot out and collided with the wall, resulting in a deafening thud. A dull pain emerged in his hand but he ignored it; he was thankful for any kind of outlet for his anger right now. Brown eyes narrowed in anger as he pulled back, ignoring the slight dent. He entered his study and slammed the door shut behind him and sat down in his chair. He removed the icepack and tried to see if he could focus on the tiny words. When he realized he couldn't and his vision was slightly blurry, he made a sound of irritation and leaned back, looking upwards. His studies would have to be postponed for a few hours until his vision returned to normal. A few hours, to Sasori, were a lot; he could easily memorize a chapter in a study book by then. And he needed every single hour he could get. He scowled; it was all Deidara's fault. _Everything_ was his fault.

"He's such a brat."

**Author's Notes: While looking for a class for Sasori to take, I found out that law school is three years. So saying Sasori is a junior probably isn't accurate… I'm currently rereading what I have so far (…I only got through chapter one…) so I'll be fixing that along the way, as well as typos. **

**So I was planning on updating this next Friday. Because I turn 18 (I'm going to buy a lottery ticket… maybe I'll actually win something…) and I wanted to celebrate~ But no, I finished this. So I'm going to see if I can have chapter nine ready by then. If not… I'll find something to update…**

**Anyway. Thank you for reading, please review!**


	9. crash and burn

**.disclaimer : don't own.**

_**.chapter nine : crash and burn.**_

"Fuck, un."

Deidara suddenly felt oddly reminiscent of the day he learned he was being cast out of his apartment. On that day, he was also standing on the sidewalk and looking up towards the sky; the only difference was that it was night, drizzling, and he was cast out of someone else's apartment. He glanced over his shoulder and his expression soured and he stalked off onto the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets. He cast his blue eyes downwards and shivered; he was wearing a black hoodie over a grey shirt, but it did little to keep him warm. With the light shower, his hair was getting damp too and strands of his golden hair clung to his pale skin. He was getting far too accustomed to trudging along sidewalks among throngs of people and dealing with their lack of manners; what did he have to do to stay at home?

Sighing, he kicked a pebble and watched the small dark spots on the sidewalk quickly multiply and grow. _What an asshole… seriously, I was just trying to be nice to him and he still blows up on me,_ Deidara thought grudgingly. Suddenly, he sneezed and as he rubbed his nose, he frowned. It seemed he got in more fights than agreements with Sasori and suddenly wondered what kept him there; he could probably find somewhere else to live. What was it about Sasori that kept him there? They beat each other up, they insulted each other relentlessly, and Deidara had been a victim to Sasori's sleep walking and blanket stealing techniques. He just now realized that the thought of moving out never occurred to him and it struck him as odd.

He stopped at a red light and looked up, taking in the scenery around him. Tokyo at night certainly was pretty; it was the holiday season so it was extremely festive. Lights were strung up on the otherwise plain buildings, wreaths adorned street lamps and doors, and he heard Christmas music from the stores as people entered and left. He never understood why people demanded to celebrate Christmas the minute October ended. What part of November screamed Christmas, Deidara wondered, why was Thanksgiving not as appreciated?

When the light turned, he followed the mass of people across the street, where it then separated; one part turned to the next crossing, another went into the nearby café, and the other kept going straight ahead. Deidara followed the last and continued looking around. Shops were lit up and aromas wafted through the air of baked goods and hot chocolate and Deidara suddenly remembered he still hadn't had dinner. He would stop by the Starbucks just up ahead but he had no appetite; his stomach felt empty but his mind didn't tell him to eat. It was an odd feeling, but he always had this habit since he was little; when he was upset or irritated, no matter how hungry he got, he wouldn't want to eat anything.

Umbrellas were going up and as Deidara watched heads being obscured by the colors of the contraptions, he studied their shapes and remembered doing a physics project about them; how aerodynamic they were, how certain ones would help one to "fly" (give the wind was strong enough) and how some were so flimsy and completely useless. He smirked and pulled his hood up as he remembered his days back in school, where his main worries were his grades and his future. It seemed so far away and he almost missed it. Thinking back now, those worries seemed like such petty, trivial matters. Right now, he had his entire future balancing in Tsunade's hands and was struggling to stay somewhere without being kicked out for more than forty eight hours.

_Damn you, danna,_ he suddenly thought and scowled as he continued walking along the sidewalk. _Won't even let me stay in that God damn apartment, un._

He sighed and turned down a small alley, leaving the main, bustling road, starting to feel claustrophobic and deciding he needed to be alone. It was dimmer and there were much fewer people, but Deidara wasn't worried. People had attempted to mug him several times but he knew enough self defense to protect himself. The only thing he couldn't protect himself though was the putrid stench in the air; immediately, he crinkled his nose. On either side of him were dumpsters and he saw a door open and a chef throw out a black trash bag that spilled over, and leftovers came tumbling out. A cat from behind a dumpster came out and began poking at the food, then tentatively licked it before beginning to eat voraciously. Deidara stopped walking and smiled slightly; he felt oddly empathetic for the cat, as he remembered scrounging around his apartment for the tiniest of morsels to tide him over for the night.

_Should I just apologize and go home?_ he suddenly thought. He immediately shook his head at the ludicrous idea; why should he have to apologize? He did nothing wrong. He was trying to _help_ Sasori; trying to keep him alive. If Sasori had another reason for taking the exams, then he should've told Deidara instead of just punch him. And if he didn't want to tell him because he was extremely secretive, then he could have at least said so. Deidara knew not to pry and he would have respected that; but a punch to a face was not any indication of that whatsoever. He frowned stubbornly and crossed his arms. _No way. Guess I'll just wander around a bit more before going back and hope he's calmed down, un…_

"Hey there, pretty lady. What's in the purse, hmm?"

Deidara looked up in irritation and whirled around, clenching his fist to pound the living hell of whoever just mistook him for a girl. _Again._ When he saw no one, he relaxed and frowned, scanning the vicinity for the source of the voice. He finally saw them ahead of him and instinctively he moved into the shadows to not be seen. Two guys were on either side of a blue haired girl, both taller than her and laughing cruelly as they watched her look around nervously. Deidara frowned and silently moved closer, being sure to continue concealing himself.

"I-if you want the money, I d-don't have that much but…"

"Oh? Not much money? Maybe there's something else you can give us… what do you think, Dosu?"

"I think that's a pretty good idea, Zaku… so, pretty lady? What do you have to offer us?"

Deidara moved as close as he possibly could and stayed behind a dumpster and peered around the edge, taking in their appearances. The one that he assumed to be Dosu had bandages covering his entire head save his left eye and Deidara couldn't help but wonder what happened to him. He was wearing a large, beige coat that concealed the rest of his body. He couldn't see his lips, but he knew he was smirking from the glint in his eyes. As the blonde moved his gaze to the taller one, Zaku, his eyes narrowed. He thought Dosu looked familiar and when he saw Zaku, the spiky brown hair, arrogant smirk, and eyes gave it away; Dosu and Zaku were always together and were at Tokyo University with him. They had unsuccessfully tried to recruit Deidara to their gang after seeing him beat up a mugger and after that rejection, they had chosen to leave him alone, knowing what he could do. Back then they weren't too much of a threat, but they looked stronger now; Deidara was probably still just as fit as he was back then or maybe even more so, but Zaku and Dosu looked like they had gone to a gym every day. Deidara sighed and turned around, preparing to go somewhere where he could call the police; he knew he couldn't handle these two alone. As he prepared to leave, he glanced the girl and his eyes widened.

_K-Konan?_

He stuffed his phone into his pocket and resumed his position, determination flaring in his eyes. He wouldn't leave Konan alone with these two even for a minute; he remembered their bragging of "getting their way with women." And not only was this one of his best friends' girl, she was also his friend and one of Sasori's closest friends; he was not going to risk having her get hurt.

"Come on… just a little bit?"

Konan's eyes widened and the plastic bag she was holding fell and out rolled a few fruits and vegetables as Zaku grabbed her arm. Immediately, Deidara sprinted out of shadows and grabbed Zaku's arm, forcing it aside as his other hand grabbed Konan and pulled her behind him. He smirked at Zaku's gobsmacked face and wasted no time in delivering a solid punch to his jaw line and elbowed Dosu in the chest, preventing him from getting any closer. "Konan, run, un!"

Konan's eyes widened and she stumbled back as Zaku stood up and growled, running towards Deidara. The blonde easily caught the flying fist and swept his foot against the back of Zaku's knees, causing them to collapse. He glanced at Dosu and ducked, avoiding the thrown fist, and smirked as he grabbed his arms and threw his former classmate over his shoulder; a loud thud and groan was pain as he landed on the wet pavement. Deidara glanced behind him and saw Konan still standing there, her eyes wide. "B-but…"

"_Run!"_

As the two staggered up again, Konan broke into a sprint, clutching onto her purse tightly, quickly turning around a corner and disappearing. Deidara let out a brief sigh of relief before returning his attention to Zaku and Dosu, both of whom were smirking. His eyes narrowed as they approached him, both looking smug and crossing their arms. _At least Konan's safe. That's all that matters._

"Well well, what do we have here? A guy or a girl?"

"A guy, fuck you, un!" Deidara growled, "Have you gotten even stupider, Dosu?"

"Huh, if it isn't Deidara," Zaku raised an eyebrow in surprise then let out a sadistic chuckle, "Nice reunion, huh? Bet you wished you joined us now, don't you, nerd? And I heard you dropped out of med school? You're even worse than us, it seems."

"You didn't even get into grad school, morons, un. So if I were you, I'd shut up about academics," Deidara's eyes narrowed. As they took another step closer, he felt a twinge of fear but refused to acknowledge it; these two fed off of fear. Seeing their opponent trembling just made them happier and Deidara did not want to give them the satisfaction of seeing him in fear.

"Let's just get this over with, shall we?" Zaku asked mockingly glancing at Dosu. The latter laughed shortly and the two bumped fists before turning their attention to Deidara and stepping closer, sadistic grins tugging on their lips.

Deidara took a step back but a hand shot out of nowhere and he felt his head collide against the brick wall behind him; Zaku's hand around his neck was making it hard to breathe and he desperately tried to pull it off. Without warning, he felt a knee to his gut and his eyes widened as he coughed; Zaku's hand pulled back and he fell to the ground, coughing, hearing a laugh above him. He barely had time to catch his breath when he felt a kick to his chest and was sent flying a few feet back. This time when he coughed, blood came up and he grimaced as he pushed himself up with his hands, glaring at the two that were approaching him again. Adrenaline kicked in suddenly; he pushed himself up and grabbed a metal pole lying nearby, smirking as the two backed off slightly.

Without warning, he ran towards them and used the pole as a bat; Zaku caught it but Deidara smirked. As he kneed him in the gut, the hand released the pole and he used the other end to hit Dosu in the face. He cried out in pain and staggered back, a hand holding his nose, blood staining the white bandages. As he returned his attention to Zaku, Deidara turned to him just in time to receive a punch in the face. It was almost exactly where Sasori had hit him earlier and the pain doubled; he bit his tongue and the metallic taste spread.

"Look, the little girl can actually hit!"

"Fuck you! I'm not a girl, un!"

He heard a short laugh before feeling a fist to his stomach; he winced but managed to not fall and swept his foot against the back of Dosu's leg. His eyes widened and he fell and Zaku came up and grabbed Deidara and pressed the side of his face against the wall. He bit his lip to not let out a cry of pain; he felt like his skull was being pressed against and it was going to crack soon. He gasped as the pressure increased and his grip on the pole loosened, letting it clatter onto the ground noisily.

_"Fuck you, bitch,"_ a hoarse whisper laced with alcohol came from Zaku's mouth and Deidara wanted to pass out from the atrocious smell. He heard a lighter being ignited and when he opened his eyes, he saw it come closer to his face. His eyes widened and every nerve in his body went on red alert at the thought of his face being burned off or whatever else this sadistic freak had in mind. _Fuck no, un._

"Get _off_ of me, you bastard, un!" Deidara yelled and reached up, grabbing the collar of his shirt. He moved aside (ignoring the scraping of his cheek against the wall) and pulled harshly, causing the lighter to fall as Zaku's head collided with the wall with a sickening thud. He ignored the cry of pain and slipped under him and sprinted away before Dosu on the ground could get back up.

He sprinted through the alley way and the putrid stench from earlier barely registered in his mind. As he swerved around the corner and onto the main street again, he ignored the aghast expressions and gasps. People stopped and immediately moved to the side to let him past; some people looked behind him, hoping to see what or who he was running from. His footing slipped occasionally; the rain was coming down much harder than before and it was obscuring his vision slightly, but he knew how to get home. Adrenaline was fueling his every step; without it, he would collapse instantly. He dared not stop; he didn't want to answer questions or pass out. All that was on his mind was getting home.

After what felt like forever traveling down the same path he had been aimlessly wandering on earlier, he reached Sasori's apartment complex. He grabbed the handrail and swerved, going up the steps two at a time. He burst in and heard the concierge begin to greet him but trail off in shock at his appearance. He skipped the elevator; he pushed open the door to the stairs and took them, two steps at a time again. His shoes made squeaky sounds against the clean, hard floor and he almost lost his footing several times because of the rain. But each time he caught himself and kept going; his lungs were burning and his calves were burning. His throat was parched and his vision was getting dizzy. When he finally reached Sasori's floor, he shoved the door open and sprinted through the quiet halls on the soft, plush carpeting, coming to an abrupt halt. He took a moment to catch his breath as he leaned his forehead against the wall as well as his left arm. The right hand was curled into a fist as he pounded against the door. "D-danna… open the door, un!"

On the other side of the door, Sasori glanced up from his studies. He rolled his eyes and immediately winced; the place where Deidara had hit him earlier was still throbbing in pain, serving as a constant, physical reminder for why he was still angry with the blonde. He ignored the pounding and looked back down at the practice test he was taking, circling more answers. He decided he could leave Deidara out there. He deserved it; besides, what could possibly be wrong?

"Danna, un! Don't ignore me, damnit!"

Deidara banged on the door and growled, coughing and wincing as he tasted blood. He searched his pockets again but ended with the same result: no keys. He certainly didn't expect Sasori to just open the door, but he also hoped that he would at least open it, scoff at his appearance, and return to his studies. Upon getting no answer, he groaned and clenched his fist. He was getting even dizzier and brought a hand up to his forehead, feeling it was unnaturally warm. He frowned; maybe it was the rain or just a small cold that was culminating; either way, for it to turn into a fever now of all times was just plain bad luck. Sasori couldn't possibly ignore him for the entire night, he reasoned, so he used the little energy he left to try to get Sasori to acknowledge him. And so, he began to pound frantically at the door, yelling at the top of his voice. His throat was getting even more sore and fits of coughing interrupted his yelling more, but his determination continued fueling him.

It continued for a good half hour, at least, until Sasori finally, _finally_ answered.

"Open. The. Fucking. Door, un!"

"Make me." Deidara's eyes widened when he heard the relatively calm response. He paused and sighed, smirking. He was finally getting somewhere.

"Danna, un! Let me in!"

"Your own fault you forgot your keys," Sasori called from his study and rolled his eyes as he returned to checking his test. He heard more banging at the door and growled, slamming his pencil down. He stood up and sauntered over to the entrance and leaned against the wall next to the door, glancing loftily at the doorknob as it began to twist and turn. He had to admit, he was surprised at the adamancy. "You're useless, you know that?"

"Danna!" he heard Deidara yell again and noticed his voice sounded slightly strained and weak, "Open the damn door, un!"

"You're not going to get very far in life if you can't even remember to take the keys when you go out," Sasori hadn't uncrossed his arms during the conversation and made no move to open the door. He assured himself he had come out here in order to taunt him even more and for no other reason. That and he finished a test and was planning on taking a ten minute break soon anyway. The banging stopped and the redhead smirked; he pushed himself off the wall and was about to head back to his study, assuming Deidara had given up and was going to go to someone else's house.

"S-Sasori," he stopped immediately in surprise when he heard Deidara actually utter his name. He turned around and faced the door, frowning slightly. The voice didn't sound right; it sounded so weak. Each bang seemed to grow weaker, like his energy was draining away. And suddenly, Sasori felt worried as he moved to undo the lock and open the door as Deidara's voice began to grow even fainter. He suddenly remembered listening to the yells for the past half hour, how they sounded more desperate and weaker each time. "Please let me in, un…"

"Brat, exactly what is wrong—" Sasori began to ask but was surprised when Deidara smirked weakly as he saw the redhead's eyes widen as he took in his battered appearance. His clothes were disarray, blood from cuts stained the fabric, and his face looked bruised, more so than when Sasori had sent him out of the house. He felt his heart twist and turn as he took in more and more details: the dull eyes, the messed up hair, the flushed skin. The tired eyes, the lazy smirk, the blood on the corner of his mouth.

"I… told you to open the door, didn't I, un?" Deidara asked in a soft, joking manner before his eyes closed and he promptly passed out.

**-X-x-X-**

"I am so sorry."

The words left Sasori's dry chapped lips as he sat next to Deidara's bed. The blonde was laying in it peacefully, his lips parted slightly as he slept soundly. His hair, wet from the bath, splayed across the pillow and a wet rag was folded neatly and on his forehead. Sasori sighed again pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, ignoring the pain. Guilt flooded over him and he berated himself for being so apathetic and stupid for not noticing something was wrong.

After Deidara passed out, Sasori lugged him onto the couch and spent the next fifteen minutes trying to rehydrate him and slapping him to get him to respond. Thinking back, it may not have been the best idea to keep slapping an already battered looking face, but his instinct was to do that. And luckily it worked; Deidara's eyes opened slowly. He wasn't fully there, but enough so that he could bathe himself. As Sasori ran a bath for him, he had Deidara sit up and drink the warm water he had prepared. The redhead then gently led the blonde to the bathroom, where he bathed himself, leaving Sasori to tap his fingers against his arms anxiously as he paced around.

It felt like eternity when Deidara came out in the new set of clothes Sasori had prepared for him. He then ushered the younger male into his bed and had him take off his shirt as he bandaged the wounds. He grimaced at every cut; the dry blood was gone but the cuts, still fresh and raw, were still oozing blood. Sometime during that, Deidara had passed out again. Sasori realized this when soft moans from the sting of the antiseptic were gone. Once finished, Sasori pulled the shirt back on over his head and laid him down. He left to get a thermometer and a wet towel and when he returned, folded the towel into eighths and put it on his head and took his temperature. After a few minutes, he read the thermometer and it read thirty eight degrees Celsius—Deidara was feverish, but not life threateningly so. It was the first bit of good news Sasori had heard all evening.

He peeked through his fingers at Deidara. Though sound asleep and the expression was peaceful, his face had several cuts on it. The smaller ones were taken care of but there was a single long gash against the cheek, almost as if his face was dragged across the pavement or a brick wall; at the thought, Sasori's stomach lurched. He had looked much worse earlier but after the bath, the dirt and the blood were gone and it seemed he would be able to recover with little or no scarring, a thought that comforted Sasori immensely.

He sighed again and groaned quietly, guilt flooding over him. He didn't care if Deidara would forgive him; if the blonde demanded money so he could move out, Sasori would hand it over in a heartbeat. Because this was his fault and he couldn't get it out of his mind. He wanted him to wake up so he could properly apologize, not just sit here and hope.

He always hated hope. Hope gave him a false sense of security, a false sense of optimism. Because when he was hopeful, he would always be disappointed. And frankly, Sasori was tired of being disappointed. He was tired of wishing for something, wanting it so badly and having it taken away. Being a pessimist, he figured, was safe; if he expected the worst, he couldn't be disappointed.

But he hoped, _so badly,_ that Deidara would open his eyes.

With a start, Sasori realized his phone was ringing. He jumped slightly when he heard it and felt it vibrate in his pocket. Taking it out, he glanced at the screen before answering it. "Not a good time, Konan."

"I know!" he was surprised by the frenzy evident in her voice, "Trust me, I know! Is Deidara okay? Does he need anything? Is he at the hospital? I wanted to go over there right away but Pein told me not to; he's worried too! He says to tell Deidara to call him once he has enough energy; we'll stop by tomorrow or something! This is all my fault! Sasori, I'm so, so, so sorry! And if Deidara's there, tell him I'm so, so, so, so, _so_ sorry! I owe him my life, literally, and—"

"Wait," Sasori interrupted her, "Do you know what happened to him?"

"He saved me," she continued, sounding breathless, "I was surrounded by these two guys, God knows what they were going to do with me, and Deidara came out of nowhere and saved me. He diverted their attention by getting into a fight with them and told me to run away. I feel so horrible for running away; I know I'm not a good fighter but I should have at least called the police immediately or something… all that was on my mind was getting home and telling Pein… is he all right?"

"He's asleep in his bed right now. Battered and bruised but conscious. Slight fever from the rain," Sasori looked at Deidara, his eyes softening. He saved Konan? Sasori felt a flood of gratitude overwhelm him suddenly. Konan was one of his closest friends and he was relieved to hear she had gotten out of such a situation unscathed, and it was all thanks to Deidara. And Deidara didn't even know Konan that well; they were acquaintances, possibly friends, but certainly not to the degree to which Konan and Sasori were friends. And yet he stilled got this beat up for her sake; that bravery and loyalty was incredibly admirable.

"Sasori?" the voice changed and he recognized it as Pein's, despite he wasn't greeted with a nickname of some kind, "Judging from Konan's relieved expression, I'm assuming Deidara is all right."

"He is; he'll be fine. He should be awake by tomorrow," Sasori answered and brought his other hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He heard a quiet sigh of a relief and realized just how worried Pein was. "When he wakes up… he will be starving. He likes to eat bakudan… I don't know if you can make that or if there's anywhere still open that sells that but… he likes congee too, I believe, so if you have rice…"

"Danna…?"

The brown eyes riveted to the sudden new voice and his eyes widened. He heard Pein ask if he was still there but he ignored it and promptly hung up, focusing his attention on the blonde who opened his eyes slowly, squinting at the bright lights. He brought a hand out from under the covers and rubbed his eyes, frowning. Sasori felt relief wash over him and he let out a breath that he didn't realize he was holding. "I-I'm glad you're awake. Are you hungry? I'll try to make something for you… Pein said you liked bakudan but I'd rather not poison you…"

"What about… your bar exams, un?"

Sasori was half out of his chair when Deidara spoke again. Upon hearing the question, he sat back down, looked at the blonde, and frowned. He was about to ask how Deidara could even think about those at a time like this, but he realized he had a point; it was because of the exams that the blonde had been temporarily exiled in the first place. Again, remorse washed over him, but he ignored it. "You have a priority over them right now," he said simply and stood up, leaving Deidara's room and going into the kitchen.

He rummaged around in the cupboard and retrieved a pot, scratching his head as he filled it with water and added in three quarters cup of rice. He frowned and set it on the stove, recalling vaguely that Deidara had gone out to buy thousand year eggs once. As he put the lid on, he walked over to the refrigerator and opened it peering around for the styrafoam box (1) until he finally located it behind a head of lettuce (Deidara laughingly called him a rabbit because Sasori would occasionally just chew absentmindedly on it). Pulling it out carefully, he took out the three remaining eggs and threw the box out. Using his foot to close the refrigerator, he then headed towards the island and set the eggs down careful before retrieving a knife, a cutting board, and a bowl.

He scowled as he cracked the first egg and saw a small dent. Frowning in irritation, he began to peel the egg, his OCD warning him to not ruin the egg in any way or leave a dent. And because of his scrupulous egg shell picking activity, he failed to notice his little invalid wander into the kitchen with a blanket wrapped around him.

"Danna, you want help, un?"

Sasori looked up in surprise and saw Deidara sitting in a one of the chairs from their impromptu dinner table, having moved it over to the end of the island. The blonde smiled slightly and picked up one of the eggs and tapped it against the counter a few times and began to get rid of the pieces of the shell at rapid speed and, Sasori noted with slight amazement, incredible accuracy. In less than ten seconds, the entire egg was sheathed of its shell, placed on the plate, and the other egg was taken out of its plastic bag.

"You should be resting."

"I don't trust you in the kitchen, un," Deidara noted and glanced up, smirking at Sasori's glare. The redhead rolled his eyes and put the egg down, deciding that he would be much more useful cutting the eggs. "You know that congee takes about an hour to an hour and a half to make, right, un?"

"…It does?" Sasori said slowly, blinking and looking over at the stove. He heard Deidara laugh again and the sound of the third and final egg being tapped against the counter.

"I'm not hungry at the moment anyway," Deidara answered and finished the final egg, placing it next to the second egg. He looked up, looking amused and when Sasori looked at him, the redhead couldn't help but be surprised at the expression.

"…What?"

"I can feed myself. You can go back to studying, un."

Sasori blinked a couple of times, staring at Deidara silently. The blue eyes stared back with equal intensity, never once wavering. Sasori suddenly felt guilt wash over him again; after all, his obsessive studying was the root of the problem, wasn't it? He scoffed and looked away, returning to cutting up the eggs. "Don't be stupid, brat. I'm going to take care of you. I don't need to study all night."

When he finished cutting the eggs, he lifted up the cutting board and used the knife to push them all into the bowl he had prepared already; he was pleased to see that all thirty six pieces of egg (twelve from each egg) were about the same size. He walked over and placed the bowl next to the pot and glanced in, frowning when the congee looked nothing like congee, more like rice just sitting in water. He started wondering if he could use proportions to make it cook faster when he heard a soft laugh behind him. Turning around, he raised an eyebrow at Deidara.

"Nothing, un," Deidara grinned and wrapped the blanket around himself tighter to answer Sasori's questioning gaze.

Sasori shrugged and accepted the answer as he returned to the island. He opened a drawer and picked up a couple of bottles, skimming over the labels. Deidara watched as Sasori sifted through the bottles of pills, scowling as he chucked them back and picked up new ones; shaking bottles to see how much was left, chucking expired pills into the trash can. When he finally found what he seemed to be looking for, Deidara was wary to take the two pills in the redhead's outstretched palm.

"Are those expired too, un?"

"Don't be silly. I don't want you dead."

"Hm?" Deidara looked up in surprise as Sasori grabbed one of Deidara's hands and dropped the pills in them. He retrieved a bottle of water and left it in front of Deidara, smirking as the blonde twisted open the cap and took the pills, grimacing at the taste. "What's this, danna? You actually care about me, un?" Deidara grinned after he swallowed, "So you _do_ like me, un."

"I just don't want to deal with police questioning and them going through all my belongings," Sasori answered and smirked at Deidara's glare and the kick to his shin. He turned around and leaned against the island as Deidara began humming some random tune and began to sway back and forth. Sasori glanced at him and rolled his eyes; he certainly was weird.

"So danna," Deidara stopped humming and began to speak, "Ever had a girlfriend, un?"

"…Why are you asking?"

"Well, we've got at least another forty minutes before the food is ready, un. Just passing time."

Sasori glanced at him again and huffed. "Some."

Deidara blinked, ignoring the sudden deflation he felt and decided to venture further. "Boyfriend?"

"Some." Deidara couldn't help but grin on the inside and squashed the feeling immediately.

"So which one do you prefer, un?"

"Why are we discussing my sexuality?"

"What else do you want to talk about, un? Politics?" Deidara laughed and Sasori rolled his eyes again at his roommate's eccentricity.

"Doesn't matter. I date who I want for reasons beyond what they have in their pants."

"Hmm. Me too, un," Deidara nodded absentmindedly and took another sip of his water, "It's what's on the inside that counts, right?"

"Why are you so corny?"

"Why are you so boring, un?" Deidara retorted and laughed at Sasori's scowl. He then went into a fit of coughing and Sasori glanced over idly. He sighed as Deidara continued to cough and went over to the cupboard, retrieving a mug. He then opened a different cupboard and took out a box of teabags and took one out, putting it in the mug and then filling it with hot water. Returning to the island, he set the mug in front of Deidara, waiting for him to finish coughing.

"Drink."

"Danna, are you an old grandma, un? Who drinks _tea_?"

"Shut up and drink."

Deidara rolled his eyes but obliged and took a sip of the tea, surprised at how calming it seemed to be for his throat. He looked up at Sasori and scowled at the redhead's triumphant look, a look that he seemed to always be receiving. "Wipe that look off your face, un."

"Wipe up the tea you just spilled."

"Oh, shut _up_, danna."

Deidara would never admit the laugh that escaped Sasori's lips would make his heart contract too quickly.

**-X-x-X-**

"Danna, you didn't eat, un?"

Sasori looked up in surprise at the new voice and was amazed to see Deidara rubbing his eyes sleepily as he wandered over to Sasori. He looked around and picked up his phone to check the time, his eyes widening when he saw it was already nine a.m. _…I didn't know it was actually possible to lose track of time studying._ When Deidara stopped, Sasori looked up and saw the bowl of congee that Deidara was stirring with the untouched spoon. He remembered last night (after more discussion of Sasori's high school dating experience), he had grudgingly accepted a bowl of the food and took it back to his room after instructing Deidara to lay on the couch and not move.

He never thought he'd have to instruct the blonde to be a couch potato.

He did feel slightly guilty for resuming his studies, but in all fairness, Deidara _did_ keep telling him to go study and that he was fine. And thus he finally gave in and did, telling himself he would check on his roommate every hour or so. And for the first two hours he did; after the first hour, he saw Deidara flipping through the channels of the television lazily, and the next time he checked up on him, he was fast asleep. When he returned to his room after that, he seemed to have lost all track of time, save one small interruption about an hour ago.

"I wasn't hungry," Sasori answered as he put his pen down and rubbed his eyes.

Deidara frowned but didn't push the subject anymore. He was still staring at the food, thinking how wasteful it was to just throw it away, when he felt a cool hand against his forehead. Startled, he looked up and realized it was Sasori. "Danna, you're close, aren't you, un?"

"I'm making sure your flu doesn't get worse. Your fever's still over a hundred."

"I think you're flirting with me, un."

A flick to the forehead. An annoyed grunt.

"Your brain is fried."

"Says the one studying twenty five hours a day, un!"

"There aren't even twenty five hours a day."

"That's the point, moron, un!"

Sasori wasn't sure how they went from a civilized conversation to an argument so quickly, but ignored it and glared at the blonde, who was glaring back. They held each other's glare for a few moments before Sasori looked away and leaned back in his chair; he crossed his arms and swept his eyes over his desk. He felt dread washing over him as he saw all the papers and study books; he suddenly felt like jumping out the window…

When his brown eyes landed on his phone, his eyes widened as he remembered the person who dared to interrupted his concentration. The only reason that person was still alive was because Sasori had been stunned into silence when he managed to incorporate over ten swears into a five word sentence.

Sasori still didn't know how he managed to do that.

"I told Hidan."

"Huh?"

"You getting beat up. Hidan called this morning and I told him," Sasori answered monotonously, picking up his pen again. Deidara blinked, staring at Sasori with bewilderment. "He said he'd drop by later today with Kakuzu. And I'm going to assume that Tobi kid knows because he stalks you, so he'll be here too. Just a warning."

"…Is this you being nice to me or something, un?" Deidara asked slowly, laughing at Sasori's sudden scowl as he looked away. In his own way, he thought this was Sasori being nice to him. Because he didn't _have_ to tell Hidan (that required more words than Sasori would be comfortable using) and he didn't _have_ to warn Deidara about Tobi coming (again, using more words). He also didn't have be nice to Deidara and would probably rather just ignore his existence and keep studying. But he was doing all three without a single complaint; and for that, Deidara was thankful and found himself enjoying the redhead's silent company.

He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, wondering if he was supposed to thank Sasori or not, considering they were silently fighting earlier. He looked up and frowned, seeing Sasori's head bobbing up and down. He frowned and leaned in, surprised to see that Sasori was dozing off. He realized he had never seen Sasori asleep, even at that sleepover type thing he forced the redhead into. Sasori was almost always up by the time Deidara fell out of bed and went to bed far later than Deidara did. It was weird, Deidara noted; it made him seem more vulnerable instead of as stoic as he normally was.

"Da—"

"Doorbell."

Deidara jumped as Sasori's eyes opened automatically and he stood up, heading towards the front door. True to what he said, the doorbell rang just before Sasori opened the door to leave his study, leaving Deidara frozen and wondering if Sasori was actually a robot. _Does he have a sixth sense? Man's creepy, un…_ Deidara thought and took a step to follow Sasori and lay down on the couch and relax. His phone suddenly began vibrating in his hand and he looked down in surprise. As he stared at the unknown number, he suddenly remembered that he was awaiting Tsunade's call.

When he thought about it, a sense of foreboding pervaded him. Because two things could happen: acceptance or rejection. It was like awaiting college decisions all over again, except this time he honestly didn't want to go. He was glad that he took a risk and quit; he had never been happier. Even the thought of pleasing Ino didn't make the idea of going back to school anymore appealing. He didn't want to go back to a routine. He liked waking up and not knowing what he was going to do; he liked wandering outside for hours and coming across something fascinating; he liked challenging himself without feeling the pressure of others watching him and waiting for him to mess up.

Up until he actually stepped foot in Tsunade's office, he thought Ino was absolutely everything to him. Because family was important and Ino, his last immediate family alive, was the most important person to him. He couldn't fathom ever caring for anyone more and he thought he would willingly do anything for her and not regret it, because as long as she would be there for him, it would all be all right. But now, the thought of giving up his passion for medical school, made him sick to the stomach. He didn't want to say he wanted to choose his current life over Ino and the security of being a doctor, but that's really what he thought.

He wholeheartedly hoped he was rejected.

Tsunade couldn't possibly believe everything he had said; she was a bright woman, she would have seen through his lies. With a sudden optimistic feeling, he smiled slightly because he realized it was the best of both worlds. He would have time for his art after all and he did try to enroll in school again; he couldn't help that they didn't want to. It was a win win situation; it was perfect. With a new found serenity, he was grinning as he pressed the phone up to his ear.

"Iwa Deidara speaking."

It would all be fine, he assured himself. There was absolutely no way they would accept him again; anyone with half a brain would know that it would be extremely unfair and keep him out.

Distantly, he heard the door open and the sound of Pein and Konan entering. He heard the blue haired girl's frantic calling of his name. He couldn't keep Sasori waiting anymore; he already heard the redhead call him. He learned a long time ago that keeping Sasori waiting was not a good idea. He would get it over with as soon as possible and try not to sound too happy.

In fact, he was already thinking about what he would do. It was only a Tuesday; he had the rest of his week open for his art. He needed to go to the park soon and put on an art show—maybe tomorrow? And he had to stop by the art store because it was closing (he hated thinking about that) and had to pick up more clay and maybe get Genma to give him as much free stuff as he could…

He was making himself extremely excited. He was in such a good mood that even the idea of dealing with Sasori couldn't bring him down.

And then, Tsunade's voice brought his entire world crashing down and burn.

"Iwa, I expect to see you in class starting next Monday."

**Author's Notes: An anonymous reviewer back in chapter six suggested the scene where Deidara came home but Sasori wouldn't let him in; thank you! I'm so sorry this took so long to update. I wrote about four and a half pages (3,000 words) and it didn't come out right so I deleted it and came back and rewrote it about two weeks later… It's also significantly shorter than the other chapters (about 2,000 words) but it was either make it 2k words shorter or probably 3k words longer than usual. I will try to update within two weeks since winter break is coming up and all…**

**I have a terrible fear I'm going to mix up the plot of this and 'Salvation.' Here's to praying that I don't.**

**Thank you for reading, please review!**

**(1)- That's how my thousand year eggs are… in little plastic bags and in styrafoam boxes. I like congee with thousand year eggs too. It's delicious.**


	10. where are the butterflies?

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter ten : where are the butterflies?.**_

_"I am so, so, so, so sorry!"_

Deidara barely felt the weight of Konan as she threw herself onto him. Robotically, he put his hands on her waist, trying to push her off as he stumbled back slightly; he registered that it was Konan and she was talking to him, but he barely felt her arms around his neck or her face buried in his shirt. All that occupied his mind was _why, why, why, why the fucking hell why?_

"It's okay, un. Not your fault." He felt like a robot as he managed to push her off and offer her a weak smile; the words left his lips automatically, like a generated answer. It was weird as he looked at Konan and Pein; they both looked so worried and he felt so distant. Konan's eyes were wide and she was blinking rapidly and Pein's eyes looked soft, instead of the amusement that usually lurked in the purple eyes. He felt guilty for not feeling anything. When his eyes flitted to Sasori, the guilt tripled. _I am a horrible and lying hypocrite._

"Do you need to sit down?" Sasori stepped forward and frowned. He grasped Deidara's arm gently and led him over to the couch. He heard Konan wail something about it was her fault that he was now sick and she dragged Pein over to the kitchen, where she declared she'd make him something to eat. As he sat down on the couch and Sasori threw him a blanket—a gesture that Deidara found quite kind for the usually selfish and self absorbed Sasori.

"Do you feel feverish again?"

Deidara looked up and stared at Sasori, concern expressed in his normally nonchalant features. He was frowning slightly and had the back of his fingers pressed against Deidara's forehead. The brown eyes were worried and he was frowning and Deidara suddenly felt a rush of pleasure knowing that he was currently Sasori's focus; him, and not those stupid law books. "You're warm… and you look flushed."

Instantly, Deidara's eyes widened and his breath hitched as he realized his face did feel warmer than usual. Luckily for him, Sasori attributed the pink flush to his fever and he went to the kitchen to get a glass of water as Konan began to open cupboards like a crazy woman. Pein leaned against the wall and awaited further instructions from Konan, watching her busy herself and snap her fingers at him. If Deidara felt better, he would've made some snippy remark about Pein being reduced to a dog.

He was so entranced and amused by watching Pein follow Konan's orders like an obedient puppy that he didn't notice Sasori return until he felt the cold glass of water pressed against his cheek. Yelping in surprise, the blonde jumped and fell back onto the couch, glaring at Sasori who smirked. Deidara accepted the glass of water and sipped it slowly, not realizing how thirsty he had been until he felt the cool liquid soothe his aching throat. He turned around and watched the television as Sasori began flipping through the channels in silence; a comfortable silence that was rare for the two of them to share.

Deidara was actually enjoying just sitting on the couch with Sasori. Arguing was fun and agreeing was also fun, but nothing was like sharing silence. He continued taking sips of the water to calm his throat and hopefully prevent more coughing fits as he watched the channels on the television change ever second; luckily, he and Sasori had similar tastes in shows so he didn't have to worry that Sasori was going to choose something weird and boring.

"You're an idiot. Why are you walking around if you're fever's still that high? Brat."

And the comfortable silence was broken.

"Shut up, un! I was making sure you were alive, you—" Deidara's angry retort was cut off as he broke into a coughing fit. Sasori glanced over but rolled his eyes and continued to flip through the channels as he waited for the fit to subside.

"You shouldn't talk if you end up coughing every time."

"I have to, un! Otherwise you get the idea that you're right!"

"Your ego is going to get you into terrible trouble. It'll be your ultimate demise."

"Oh, I have an ego, un?"

Konan glanced over her shoulder at the bickering couple and her pink lips curled up into a smile as she poured another cup of rice into the rice cooker and closed the lid. She pushed a button and the red light lit up and moved back to the pan, the smell of spices filling the area. She had decided on curry; curry was always good, wasn't it? She realized Deidara loved bakudan, but Sasori's kitchen didn't have the right ingredients. She found all the necessary ingredients for curry, however, but she wasn't sure if that was coincidence or because they were a bunch of leftovers. _They fight like a married couple_, Konan thought happily; maybe if she had time aside from Itachi and Kisame, she could research those two a bit…

"I'll be back; I'm going to go to wash my hands."

Konan nodded and she heard Pein leave the kitchen and a distant door close over the arguing from the couch. She turned around and moved to pick up the onions Pein had finished dicing (it was the only thing he knew since she always made him cut them) when his phone on the edge of the island lit up. Konan blinked and picked it up to move it out of the way but her thumb brushed against the touch screen and she jumped when she felt it vibrate. By natural instinct, her eyes flitted to the screen and immediately read the words, no matter how much she told herself this was so bad of her to do.

That was until she actually registered the text.

It wasn't the text that just came; somehow, Konan's thumb did amazing things and she found herself staring at and reading an old text, forwarded from Kakuzu's phone to Pein's. Granted, she didn't know these two that well, but the message made her feel fuzzy on the inside. Of course, she would still help Itachi and Kisame. But here were two people that were so obviously and painfully in love; how could she _not_ help them?

Konan believed in love. She believed in everything mushy and every romantic notion; she had long ago decided that she had been Cupid in her past life. She loved to see people in love and happy. She loved love and wanted nothing but happiness and love for those she cared about. It didn't matter that she didn't know Kakuzu and Hidan for that long; all that mattered was that they were in love and, for some reason, not together. And Pein, being the unromantic idiot he could be, obviously couldn't take on this important role by himself. And it was then, that Konan decided, she would help those two.

When Pein returned from the bathroom, he saw Konan standing at the island, her eyes wide as she stared at his phone. He didn't really care that she was reading his text; he had told her she was allowed to but she never did, so it wasn't that that made his stomach drop. Because when Konan was happy, it was either extremely good or extremely bad for Pein. And this was indirectly extremely bad for Pein, because it was directly extremely bad for someone else.

What made his stomach drop was when she looked back up at him, her eyes shining and beaming. He immediately knew what she had unfortunately seen. He loved his girlfriend, he really, _really_ did. But he did _not_ love the 'I-am-Cupid-so-I-must-help-couples' side of her.

"…Kakuzu, I am _so_ sorry."

**-X-x-X-**

_Kakuzu, I am so sorry._

_ -Pein_

Kakuzu frowned as he read the text Pein just sent him moments earlier. It was never a good thing when Pein apologized and so he began to wonder what the orange haired man could have done wrong. He was certainly mature and sensible, so there was little room for him to mess up, Kakuzu deduced, and thus dismissed the text. _He was probably overreacting_, he reasoned with himself, _it couldn't be that bad_.

"Money whore! Hurry up!"

Kakuzu glanced up and glared at Hidan, but pocketed his phone and took a few steps and caught up with the other three that had paused to wait for him. He and Hidan had gone to a nearby café to drink some coffee before heading to Sasori's apartment to check on Deidara, but had met Itachi and Kisame there. They decided to sit there for a while before going to check on Deidara; they were worried about him, of course, but since he was alive and breathing, he could wait another hour. When they finally did leave, it was because Hidan was butting heads with several of the other customers and Kakuzu didn't want to risk getting sued.

By the time they arrived (Hidan forced them to make several detours), they had already conjured up several images of what they would see. From the very little information Sasori gave Hidan (all he said was that Deidara had gotten beaten up), they were imagining the blonde in a full body cast and he would greet them by having his helper monkey open the door (because Itachi and Kisame assured them Sasori was way too much of a jerk to help Deidara around). However, it was Konan who opened the door and beyond them, Deidara (who was, unfortunately, not in a body cast) was arguing with Sasori.

"Art's eternal, brat."

"Like hell it is, danna, un! It's fleeting and momentary; that's why it's beautiful, un!"

Deidara broke out into a fit of coughing and Sasori rolled his eyes and picked up the glass of water, handing it to Deidara and waiting patiently as the blonde gulped it down. The brown eyes watched impatiently as half the glass was drained and replaced on the table before their argument was resumed, their plates of curry forgotten and hardly touched.

"True art withstands the test of time."

"Test of time my ass; do you feel like you bolster you argument with that alliteration, un?"

"Hi! As you can see, they're doing really well!" Konan smiled brightly, stepping aside to let the four in. Pein wandered out from behind a wall, paused, waved, and walked over to the couch, where he sat down and began flipping through the channels on the television, ignoring the argument going on by him.

"You're an idiot."

"Shut up, un! You can memorize the entire Japanese constitution by heart but you can't make a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich, un! Who's the idiot now?"

"…Did you just say jellyfish sandwich?"

"…I'm sick, un! I'm delirious!"

"Anyway, you're the person that used one of my study books as a coaster." At that, Sasori's eyes widened and the others in the room were surprised in the sudden shift of tone. They were still arguing and their voices hadn't gotten louder, but when Sasori adopted that narrowed eye look, something bad was going down.

"Jesus Christ, un! Get over it! You have a million more!" Deidara rolled his eyes and those close to Deidara noticed he had moved from playful arguing to actual arguing; he was actually getting irritated and agitated at Sasori.

It was rather amazing how a simple argument turned into an actual fight in about a second.

"I wasn't finished with that one yet."

"Then buy a new one, un!"

"Oh, you're telling me to waste money? That's ironic."

"Screw you, danna, un!" Deidara sprung up and gave a final glare at Sasori. He spun around on his heel and grabbed his coat and scarf before stomping out of the apartment. Sasori glanced at the door as it slammed closed and he scoffed, returning his attention to the television, ignoring the fact that Pein wasn't flipping through the channels anymore. A silence spread over the rest of them as they looked at Sasori and at each other uneasily, wondering if they should risk saying anything to appease them. If they did something now, maybe they could still get Deidara to come back…

"Isn't… isn't he sick?" Kisame asked tentatively, frowning, "Will he be okay if he just stomps out and walks around outside?"

It was silent and everyone stared at Sasori, waiting for his answer because no one was going to go get Deidara without Sasori's permission. The redhead didn't even flick his eyes over to Kisame; at first, they thought he hadn't heard. He looked relaxed from afar, but the slight furrow of his brow and the irritated glint in his eyes gave it away; he was extremely annoyed and had he been anyone else, there would've been a hole in the wall already.

"He'll be okay," Sasori answered, still watching the television without much interest and speaking in a nonchalant tone, "He's a stubborn brat. He won't die that easily."

**-X-x-X-**

Deidara was sure he was going to die.

He stood outside Ino's door, fidgeting as he tentatively lifted a finger to ring the doorbell but lost the nerve and the hand dropped to his side. Sighing, he watched his breath form an opaque cloud in front of him and frowned. He turned around and looked at the bright sky, a light headed feeling suddenly taking over him. He supposed he should've picked a time when he wasn't feeling so sick, but after a friendly-argument-turned-angry, he stomped out without thinking twice. And then he remembered he had to tell Ino about Tsunade, so he figured since he already felt like dying from being out in the cold he should just go accept death readily.

As he took the taxi here, he wondered what he would tell Ino. He already decided he was going to tell her that he had accepted but didn't want to go; hopefully, she would listen to his side and accept it. If not… well, he would figure it out then. But the problem was figuring out how to tell her without getting killed. Or if he did get killed, he sincerely hoped Sasori would have a big enough heart to come out looking for him. After all, Sasori was the reason he was, again, exiled from the apartment.

He sighed and prepared to leave when he got no answer. It could wait until another day; he still had a while before he had to go to class. He would go home and ignore Sasori until they'd just naturally begin talking again. That was the odd thing that Deidara had noticed about their relationship. They fought, they argued, and they beat each other up. But each time they would reconcile and act like nothing had happened without a single spoken apology.

"Deidara?"

"…Hi, un," Deidara froze and turned around, feeling the color drain from his face as saw Ino standing at the doorway, staring at him curiously. He felt lightheaded as she tilted her head and motioned for him to come in; mechanically, he entered and sat down on her couch as she went to get him a glass of water.

He looked around. He had forgotten what his aunt and uncle's house was like. They were frequently out and so Ino had the house to herself most of the time. It was in a remarkably clean state, considering Ino was, essentially, the primary owner. Flowers decorated the tables and there was a nice aroma in the air due to them. He saw traces of his aunt (doilies and little figurines) and his uncle (cigars and tickets from horse races). He wondered how he was related to these people sometimes.

"What brings you here?" she asked as she placed the glass of water down in front of him and sat in the adjacent couch, peering at him and noticed the sick expression, "Are you okay?"

"I… I got into med school, un."

His voice came out hoarse and raspy at first, in such a low voice that even he had to strain his ears to hear himself. Ino frowned and leaned forward, asking him to repeat himself. Deidara sighed and closed his eyes, playing with his fingers nervously as he repeated what he said, in a firm, unwavering voice. It was as if the first time was to admit it to himself so he could get used to the idea. But now he spoke clearly with an adamant tone, masterfully masking the internal terror.

"You did?" she shrieked and her eyes lit up as Deidara cringed at out loud her voice was, "That's amazing! Oh my God; I'm so, so, so happy for you! See, it's not too late! You can still go and become a doctor; I'm so happy for you! I told you it'd work out!"

"I… I don't want to go," he said. To him it was so loud but as Ino kept rambling on and smiling brightly, he realized that he thought it was loud but she didn't hear him. He tried to swallow and clear his throat, but he couldn't. He spoke again, but there was no sound; all that he heard was his own breathing being forced through his dry throat. Tentatively, he raised his gaze to meet hers, feeling his heart plummet as he saw how happy she was.

He opened his mouth but closed it, barely listening as Ino continued blabbering away, about how he could become a doctor like everyone always knew he would be, how their aunt and uncle would never have to know that he took a year off, how they could go to school together and she could brag about her genius brother, and how this temporary lapse was finally over…

At that, Deidara stiffened. Temporary lapse? _Temporary lapse?_ This wasn't a temporary lapse, he wanted to yell at her, this was what made him happy. This was what he wanted his life to be. So maybe he was temporarily homeless, his health probably suffered, and he had grown extremely irritable and his temper had gotten so much worse, but he was happy. Having the freedom to do what he pleased made him happy, he wanted to say, he could waste all day doing nothing and waiting for inspiration to hit instead of trying to create a masterpiece.

"I don't want to go back," he whispered again as she kept blabbering. He looked down and was shaking, his heart racing furiously. He felt nauseous again at the thought giving up the freedom he had recently acquired and the feeling of genuine happiness. Giving up all that to be caged by pressure and expectations again; why in the world would he want that? _Who_ would want that? But what could he do? He couldn't very well tell Ino this; she looked so happy right now and he couldn't bear to crush her after all the disappointment she felt when she first found out he wasn't going to med school.

He was always afraid of disappointing. His parents, his sister, his friends, his peers; he hated seeing shocked looks when he wasn't at the top of his class, disbelieving looks when he messed up, pitying looks when he was beaten. He wanted people to look up to him, to admire him; he wanted to be the person parents told their children to be like. And it used to be academically but recently it was that he was doing what he loved. He was pursuing his passion and he wanted others to follow his lead, to not be caged by society's expectations, to do what they loved.

But here he was, waiting to be locked back into the jail cell called college. He was getting his wings clipped and being stuffed into a cage, where he would remain for so long. It made him sick, it made him dizzy, it made him suffocate.

"And you'll get to see Sasori even more now! I've seen him around campus; maybe you two can eat lunch together! Hey," she paused suddenly and leaned forward, grinning brightly, "I've been meaning to ask, do you like him?"

At this, Deidara looked up and for what felt like the first time since he arrived, his head cleared. _Do you like him?_

Like Sasori? Like the arrogant, self absorbed prick that enjoyed torturing Deidara, mocking him, and exiling him from the house on a daily basis? The thought crossed his mind and he frowned at the idea. It seemed so ludicrous, so odd. He had crushes before—he thought so, at least. And he remembered getting butterflies and blushing. These kinds of things certainly didn't happen around Sasori. True, he liked talking to him (when they weren't arguing) and he _was_ concerned for his health, but that didn't mean he _liked_ him, did it?

"…No. We're just friends, un."

Deidara frowned as Ino gave a rather deflated sounding "oh" and returned to rambling about how great things would be now that they could go to school together. However, the artist was caught up in his own thoughts. He never entertained the notion of liking Sasori because it just didn't _fit._ They met by chance, were barely friends, and did everything but flirt. He did know that "opposites attract," but he and Sasori were too opposite. They were as different as opposite ends of a magnet, but repelled like the same ends.

His mind flashed back to after waking up and having Sasori take care of him after he was beaten up. He had to admit, that was pretty nice. The law student had spent so much time taking care of him and even attempting to cook for him instead of studying. He remembered the accelerated the heartbeat and the hitching of his breath, symptoms he had attributed to his sickness. He still thought it was just his delirious state, but now that he thought about it, Sasori really was pretty nice to him. He could've kicked Deidara out of his apartment and so far he had never even made any kind of reference towards the rent he would soon be owing. He also allowed Deidara to do as he pleased with his art and didn't ban him from keeping (some illegal) explosives in his room. He didn't chastise him too much for the garbage or the bills on the pizza and ice cream. And most of all, he didn't judge Deidara. He knew what he did and he still treated him the exact same way, never once using his past in an argument (except sarcastically).

Sasori really was pretty nice to him, Deidara realized slowly. In his own stilted, cold, and sometimes socially awkward way.

But that didn't mean he _liked_ him.

"Ino," Deidara stood up suddenly, managing a weak smile, "I'm… I'm going to go to campus, un. I have some papers to sign and sort out before next Monday. I'll see you then, all right?"

"Oh, okay!" Ino paused but sprung up, waving brightly as he waved back and left, hearing her call, "Good luck and you'll be happy with your choice, I know it!"

As he ventured out into the cold weather again, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down so the bottom half of his face was covered by his scarf as he began to wander towards campus. He coughed a few times and sighed, wishing he had taken a few more pills of the medicine Sasori gave him. It seemed to work and it suddenly struck him as odd that he, the would be med student, didn't give himself anything but the law student did…

_…I sure hope he didn't poison me by accident, un…_ Deidara thought sullenly with a dry laugh. He shivered as a cold gust of wind blew by and continued heading towards campus. He suddenly had the idea of investing in a bike; even when he wasn't exiled, he was still out on the sidewalks and a bike would definitely help with getting to places. Sighing, he blindly navigated his way; it was surprising how he still remembered how to get to campus from his aunt and uncle's apartment.

Memory was a funny thing, Deidara thought as he subconsciously entered the campus. He could barely remember what he had for dinner last week but he clearly remembered walking along this path so many times a year ago; wondering about his exams and projects. It seemed so far away, back to when he was still succumbing to the expectations of everyone. He had felt so caged and now when he had escaped, he was asking to be locked up again.

He turned and entered the admissions office again. The old ladies at the desk no longer gave him dirty looks; instead, they gave him ones of awe and he couldn't help but smirk. He supposed it was rare for Tsunade to reinstate a student that dropped out without any questions and on an almost full ride. They probably looked to him as some kind of a god now, he realized as he took the hallway towards Tsunade's office.

Quite honestly, he didn't mind.

"Tsunade-san, un."

"Iwa. Come in."

Raising a shaking hand, he opened the doorknob and entered, taking a deep breath to calm himself. He flinched when he raised his gaze to meet Tsunade, who was watching him intently. As he closed the door and sat down in the hard wooden chair, she placed a few papers in front of him and offered him a pen, placing it down gently making the smallest of sounds. He sighed and picked up the pen, narrowing his eyes as he skimmed over the page.

_I hereby certify that I, Iwa Deidara, will be enrolled as a student at Tokyo University's School of Medicine._

He felt chills run over him as he read over the words, the pen hovering over the signature line. He willed himself to sign; why was he hesitating? He had to do this, he had to do it for Ino. Was he really going to back out now?

"You don't have to enroll if you don't wish to, Iwa."

He jumped when he heard Tsunade speak and slowly looked up, his hand shaking. "…Huh?"

"You don't have to enroll if you don't wish to," she repeated firmly, her eyes flicking down towards his quivering her hand and she smiled slightly, "It's fairly obvious you don't want to do this. I don't know why you're forcing yourself to, but I'm going to assume it's for someone important to you. I'm giving you a second chance because I know you can succeed, but that doesn't mean you have to do this to yourself."

Deidara blinked a couple of times and looked down at the papers, gripping the pen tightly. Tsunade's words were so tempting; they provided an escape. He didn't have to do this and she was telling him he was allowed to quit. Put down the pen, rip up the papers, and go home; it would be just that easy. He felt lightheaded suddenly at the thought of all his stress suddenly evaporating. Of course, he'd have to find some way to deal with Ino, but that would be all right…

_What am I saying? Ino will rip me apart, un._

He sighed and scrawled his name on the line quickly, giving no time for a second though. As he finished his signature with flourish, he pushed the papers towards Tsunade and leaned back in the chair; his heart was pounding wildly and he couldn't quite fathom that he had just signed his entire life away. As Tsunade slowly picked up the papers and ran her eyes over them, he let out a slow breath, feeling the blood drain from his face.

"Very well, Iwa," Tsunade said after a momentary pause. She put down the papers and smiled at him and Deidara gave a weak smile in return. "I'll expect you on Monday. I'll have Akasuna pick up your textbooks and deliver them to you within the next few days. Now if you'll excuse me, I have someone else to deal with."

"Th-thank you, Tsunade-san," Deidara stammered and stood up, slipping out of the office and holding the door open for another blonde kid that was scowling to go in. He stopped in front of the door and stopped, turning around and walking over to a couch and sitting down. He covered his face with his hands as he leaned forward with his elbow on his knees, taking long, slow breaths. _I think I've just killed myself in the worst way possible, un. Without actually, physically taking a knife and stabbing myself. _

And then it occurred to him that Sasori would be called to the office and he would be asked to pick up a bunch of medical textbooks.

And then Deidara would have to tell him.

And then Deidara would really die.

**-X-x-X-**

"So… Kakuzu! Hidan! How… how are you?"

"Konan, _stop it._ These two are _my_ project," Pein hissed into Konan's ear. She continued smiling brightly and jabbed him in the ribs sharply with her elbow, ignoring Pein's yelp of pain as he fell over on the couch. The blue haired girl beamed and looked at the two, who shared confused glances. After Deidara stomped out, they had stood around awkwardly in ten minutes before they all sat around on the couches. The scariness had disappeared when the annoyed glint in Sasori's eyes were gone.

"We're… we're doing well, I suppose…"

"What the fuck is with the blue chick?"

Sasori rolled his eyes as he saw Konan smiling brightly at the two. His gaze drifted over to Itachi and Kisame and had to stifle a laugh when he saw Itachi's surprised look (consisting of one eyebrow raised) and Kisame's confused darts, as if he was looking to Itachi for guidance. Itachi must have realized Konan wanted to push him and Kisame together and had devised a plan to drive her crazy. However, now she was barely paying them attention and was now at a loss because for once, genius Uchiha Itachi had failed.

"Where is senpai?"

The redhead looked upwards, silently pleading for help when he heard the younger Uchiha whine. _I almost forgot the idiot was here._

"Out. Being the idiot he is, he probably got himself run over by a taxi."

"What? Oh no!" Tobi sprung up and was about to bolt out the door, had it not been for Zetsu grabbing the back of his shirt, "We must go save senpai!"

"Tobi, he's kidding," Zetsu muttered, well acquainted with Sasori's sarcasm, "Deidara's probably stupid, **but not suicidal.** Sick, **but not delirious.** I think."

Sasori rolled his eyes again and stood up, heading back into his study. Deidara should be back soon, he figured, and he could deal with people. Sasori was misanthropic by nature—he had already spent far too much time with far too many people today. And besides, he had gotten incredibly off schedule by taking care of Deidara. He had to review both Criminal Law and Civil Procedure today; that should take a good… eight hours?

_I love law,_ he thought as he grit his teeth and opened the door to his study and closed it behind him, _I love law. I love law. I love law. I. Love. Law._

"Where is Sasori-san going?" Tobi chirped and sat down, staring at the door Sasori just entered, "Did we anger Sasori-san?"

"Off to study," Pein sat up again, rubbing the spot where Konan harshly elbowed him, "He's got bar exams and didn't know he's taking them until a couple of days ago. It's quite surprising that he set aside an hour for us and almost the entire night for Deidara."

"So… any plans in the future?" Konan chirped, completely ignoring the different conversation taking place right next to her.

"Er… no…"

"Kakuzu," Hidan whispered, staring Konan with wide eyes, "what's wrong with her? Calm her down! You and Pein are almost the same; you should know how to deal with crazy bitches like her!"

"Excuse me, did you just call my girlfriend a _bitch_?"

"She's creepy as hell, man!"

"…I suppose she is rather odd today…"

Itachi narrowed his eyes as he looked at Konan. He had tried everything; he and Kisame sat unusually close, they ate off of each other's plate (the germaphobe in Itachi died), and they managed to act embarrassed when their hands touched. All this, but Konan hadn't noticed because all her attention was focused on Hidan and Kakuzu. He scowled silently; this was a huge hindrance in his plan. He sighed and glared at Hidan and Kakuzu; if looks could kill, they'd both be in their coffins already.

"Itachiii!"

"Tobi, stay at least fifty feet away from me."

Zetsu sighed again and pulled on Tobi's shirt, causing him to fall back onto the couch. He and Tobi had arrived about half an hour after the others did. Tobi had initially been distressed to hear that Deidara had stomped out of the house but he seemed to be better with it. Zetsu, on the other hand, laughed, because this was much better than what he had anticipated. He thought that when he arrived, either the entire apartment would be burned down or Sasori's dead corpse would be filled with explosives.

As he looked around the apartment, he had to say, he was impressed it still looked how he had left it.

Except the random bits of clay, the dents (where fights must have taken place), the garbage, the random articles of clothing laying around, and scrap pieces of paper everywhere. He was surprised Sasori dealt with this. But then again, with Sasori holed up in his room until those exams, Deidara could probably adopt ten cats and dogs and set them loose in the apartment and Sasori wouldn't give a crap.

_Huh,_ Zetsu blinked and frowned thoughtfully, _Not a bad idea… __**let's tell Deidara to try that.**_

"We should go out on a group date sometime! How about the movies? Tonight?"

"Movies are a waste of money."

"Fuck you, piggy bank! What if I wanted to go to watch a damn movie?"

"You can't even focus for ten seconds. How will you focus for two hours?"

"Look! A marital spat! This is good! They're already acting like they're together!" Konan tugged on Pein's sleeve and whispered into his ear, grinning. Pein face palmed instantly. _I am never leaving my phone alone near her again._

Meanwhile, Itachi watched Konan, frowning. He sighed; he was prepared to kiss Kisame right then and there, but that would be sinking to way too low of a level. After all, he was Uchiha Itachi—had had pride. He wasn't going to do something as obvious as that to simply garner Konan's attention, attention that was supposed to be focused on him anyway. He scowled and rested his chin against his open palm, scrutinizing her; was he really that off with his observations? Immediately, he shook his head. _Impossible,_ he thought silently, _I'm never wrong._

"Can I say something?" Pein spoke up suddenly and everyone grew silent, and stare at him. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he looked at Hidan, Kakuzu, and Konan, his gaze growing more and more irritated with each person. "I have to say this. It's painful."

"Spit it out, ass twat."

"You two," he pointed at Hidan and Kakuzu and both of them raised an eyebrow, "Like each other. All right? You do. So hurry up and _admit it_, otherwise Konan's going to ruin _any_ chance of anything going on in bed because she'll keep talking about you two and I'll just get immensely turned off and—"

"Well, it's pretty obvious you've been deprived of sex already… those are more words than you've ever spoken…" Kakuzu murmured, being careful to avoid Hidan and shivered. "…Please don't ever say anything about Konan talking about us while in bed with you. That's just…"

"Fucking sick!"

"Thank you, Hidan."

"See? You guys finish each other's sentences!" Konan clapped excitedly, completely ignoring Pein's remark, her eyes glittering, "You guys are perfect for each other!"

Itachi was still seething in anger quietly.

Hidan and Kakuzu exchanged brief, awkward glances before looking away quickly. Their eyes darted around everywhere but didn't focus on anything. They wouldn't admit it, but they were both feeling rather awkward, having realized this a while ago. But to know that Konan and Pein had figured it out? _That_ was humiliating and they were both prideful.

Kakuzu groaned and covered his face with his hand, giving the impression he was stressed to hide his embarrassment. Ever since that night with the text (a rather drunken love profession that Kakuzu couldn't believe his drunken self came up with), he had become more and more aware of these rather inconvenient feelings. Despite his obnoxiousness, his lack of tact, how intolerable he could be at time, Kakuzu couldn't help but feel… _attached_ to Hidan. He was stubborn but loyal, annoying but attentive, an idiot but bullheaded; he'd never leave Kakuzu in a time of need, something that would prove to be extremely annoying but also something Kakuzu would be grateful for.

Hidan, on the other hand, was wondering how he was so stupid so that even Konan could figure it out. He liked Kakuzu (he was never very comfortable with the concept of love) for reasons he couldn't comprehend. All he knew was that he wanted to spend time with Kakuzu, even if they both hated each other's company at times. Hidan, a playboy from kindergarten, knew that what he felt for Kakuzu was real, based on the simple fact that he had absolutely no desire to do anything remotely sexual with him. Which, at first, would make him confused; if he liked Kakuzu so much, why would he not want to kiss him or anything? But then Hidan realized it was because he didn't want to be with Kakuzu for things like sex, it was because he loved his company. He loved their arguments, their conversations that led to arguments, and even the silences. So he was in love with Kakuzu. But he wouldn't use the word love.

Hidan ran a hand through his slicked back silver hair and turned to Kakuzu, one of his magenta eyes covered. He offered a weak smirk, his heart pounding. It would be nice to have this out in the open, he decided. It would be immensely awkward and he wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eye for weeks afterward, but he was tired of dealing with this stress. "Well, dipshit?"

Kakuzu stared back and everyone else tensed and leaned forward in anticipation, waiting for the proclamation, feeling like they were watching a soap opera. Konan's eyes were wide, Pein looked relieved, Kisame was smirking, Itachi still looked annoyed, Tobi was being restrained by an interested looking Zetsu, and Hidan looked hopeful. The dark haired man let out a sigh and smiled slightly, opening his mouth…

"I have ruined my entire damn life, un."

"…Why are you talking like the ex-hobo?"

"Shut up, Hidan, un!" all of a sudden, Deidara came marching in, planting his hands firmly on the back of the couch. Everyone looked at him in surprise, noting his flushed cheeks and messy, windblown hair. He was breathing heavily and immediately Konan jumped up to find more medicine as he darted his eyes around. Several of the people rolled their eyes and were angry at Deidara for ruining the moment, but the blonde ignored their venomous looks. "I've ruined my life," he repeated in a much calmer tone, "And no one can tell danna, un."

"Senpaiii!"

"Who let the stalker in, un?"

"Sasori," Zetsu answered as he watched Deidara take the pills and glass of water from Konan, "So how'd you ruin your life? **STD? Oh, I'm sorry, I mean STI.**"

"Funny, un," Deidara winced as he swallowed the pills and drank the rest of the water as he shrugged off his coat and left it in a pile on the floor (inner Zetsu was overjoyed that Sasori had to deal with messes this kid left), "I did something stupid. I'll tell you guys eventually, un… I'll tell danna first though… either way, you'll know by next week, un."

"Senpai! Let's go play!"

"Tobi, I don't _play._ I make _art_, un," Deidara spat angrily, but nevertheless let Tobi follow him into his room. They turned their attention back to Hidan and Kakuzu but was surprised that only Kakuzu was there; looking up, they saw Hidan following Deidara and Tobi into the blonde's room. They all watched suspiciously as the trio entered. A sudden loud yell alerted them that Deidara had realized two of the most annoying people he had ever met were in the same room as him now and he was not pleased with it.

"…Okay, now you go in there and grab Hidan and kiss him senseless or something—"

"Oh shut up, Pein," Kakuzu muttered, shooting a glare at the orange haired man. He leaned back and sighed, running a hand through his long, dark hair. _I don't know if I was just saved or if I'm being tortured even more now._ He was actually looking forward to getting it off his chest, but that stupid blonde idiot had to ruin it all…

Itachi sighed and counted backwards from ten. Even with Hidan gone, Konan was still focusing on Kakuzu, barely noticing him and Kisame. And now she was coaching him on how to confess properly, completely disregarding the light brushes of their pinkies…

_I never liked women that much to begin with…_ he thought stubbornly. Meanwhile, Zetsu smirked as he watched the very slight changes in Itachi's expressions. Judging by those and his constant annoyed looks at Konan (and knowing Konan's personality), he had it all figured out. He could help, he supposed, by diverting Konan's attention to her initial project, but it was much more fun to sit back and watch Itachi go crazy. _**I've always wanted to see him let loose anyway.**_

And so for the next three hours, that's what Zetsu did.

Watch Itachi drive himself insane.

Zetsu accepted another can of soda that was offered to him by the kind Konan and he nodded in gratitude. Sasori was still holed up in his room and Deidara and the others had come out of his. The almost complete group was sitting around the table now, engaged in a game of poker. Itachi still kept glancing at Konan, whose attention was completely and utterly devoted to Hidan and Kakuzu. The earlier conversation wasn't resumed, much to her displeasure and Zetsu's rather sadistic pleasure.

He smirked. "Flush."

"Fuck you, plant man!"

"Thanks for making me sound like a superhero. **I always knew I was one.**"

"I'm officially broke, un," Deidara muttered as he fished out the last of his bills and chucked them at Zetsu, who had quite a pile of money in front of him. The blonde scowled as he watched Zetsu take out his wallet and carefully place the bills in, thoroughly enjoying emptying the pockets of his friends and their annoyed looks. "It's like déjà vu, un."

"Still can't control your spending habits? Guess you have to live somehow when you're kicked out of the apartment."

"Shut up, Kakuzu, un."

Deidara sighed and leaned back against the couch as the rest of his friends pocketed their wallets and stood up, preparing to leave. He changed his position so he was kneeling on the couch, his chest pressed against to the back and watched the crowd gather at the door, slipping on their shoes and coats. He smirked as Hidan picked up Tobi's scarf and held it far above him, out of his reach.

"Can the little boy reach it?"

"Hidan-san! Give Tobi Tobi's scarf back!"

"Hidan."

"Thank your family for making you related to that Uchiha," he muttered and reluctantly returned the scarf, knowing better than to mess around with Itachi. Tobi beamed and wrapped it around his neck happily, turning to Zetsu. The green haired boy raised an eyebrow.

"Did you finish your homework?"

At the mention of school, Deidara's heart sank again as he remembered that he now had to go to school too. He almost forgot because of all the distractions; momentarily, he was back in his old life of art and gambling. All worries had temporarily evaporated, but now that they were leaving, it was all coming rushing back. The blue eyes stole a glance at the closed door leading to Sasori's study room. He had to tell him.

"See you later, Iwa."

"Byeee senpaiiii!"

"Make sure Sasori's still alive, all right?"

Deidara turned back to the door and managed a smirk as he held up a hand. The mob managed to rather gracefully exit and as soon as the door closed, Deidara found himself surrounded by complete silence. He sighed and swung himself over the couch and headed to the kitchen, where he picked up an apple and bit into it, relishing its sweet and sour taste. He hung around the island for a while and drummed his fingers along the smooth counter before deciding he couldn't postpone it any longer and headed towards Sasori's study room.

"Danna, un? Are you going to kill me if I come in?" he asked warily as he opened the door slightly and poked his head in. When nothing came flying at him, he entered and continued eating his apple as he approached the redhead at the desk. His eyes darted around and it was almost the exact same as it was the last time he came in here, with Sasori being surrounded by piles of books and stray papers. Except, Deidara frowned, it seemed the piles had grown larger… odd because Deidara had figured they would shrink because Sasori would be going through the study books at rapid speed…

"Have you… eaten anything today, un?"

"No time."

Deidara frowned at this; how could one have no time to eat? He decided not to say this and start another war (mainly for his sake). He walked over and picked up one of the study books with his hand, skimming over the contents in it. It brought back memories of studying for tests and with another pang, he realized that was going to be his life again.

"Can you take a break, un?"

"Is your fever better?" Sasori ignored Deidara's request and asked the question without stopping, "Or did it get worse?"

"…Probably worse, un," Deidara muttered and coughed a few times, "Nothing major. It'll be gone soon, un. Danna, seriously, can you stop? Just for ten minutes, un?"

The redhead paused and for a moment it seemed like he was going to keep working, but he put his pencil down, folded his hands, and leaned back in the chair, looking up at Deidara, looking extremely tired. He shrugged. "All right. What?"

Deidara frowned as he gazed at Sasori. Now that they were actually looking each other in the face, the idea of liking Sasori came back. He remembered their first meeting, the first time he saw that innocent and deceiving face. He had assumed Sasori was much younger than he actually was and was just some pretty little guy. But now the same face stared back and it was so much different. This was Akasuna Sasori, the ideal student that hated his life, the person that drop outs like Deidara shouldn't be associating with yet treated him like an equal, the person that was the complete opposite of Deidara but still shared so many things in common with him.

_Do I seriously like him?_ Deidara thought. He finished his apple and threw the core out into the trash can close to Sasori's desk. He leaned forward and pressed his palms against the desk that was covered with papers and books on every inch, scrutinizing Sasori and ignoring the raised eyebrow. _Aren't I supposed to feel butterflies or something? Or feel like I'm going to faint because something's going on with my knees? …I don't know if these are butterflies or hunger aches, un…_

"Itachi said he saw you on campus today. Why were you there?" Sasori asked, breaking the awkward silence. He was trying to figure out why Deidara was looking at him like that but couldn't think of anything; all he knew was that he felt extremely awkward. He suddenly felt lightheaded and picked up his white mug and sipped it; the instant the cold coffee hit his tongue, he almost threw up. But he managed to drink it anyway; if anything, it made him feel worse, but he convinced himself it was making him feel better.

"Oh," Deidara seemed surprise and suddenly nervous at the mention of him being on campus. He pushed thoughts of liking Sasori out of his mind, deciding he would deal with that issue another time. He looked away and bit his lip, feeling his heart rate start to accelerate. He knew this moment would come, the moment where he had to tell Sasori, but he had been dreading it. He didn't want to seem like this big fat hypocrite and there was no way to appease any anger that Sasori would feel, listening to Deidara preach about living his own life and then hearing he did the exact opposite.

And so he decided the blunt method was the best; there was no use skirting around the topic. He drew a deep breath; it would be over in an instant. Sasori had the right to know and it wasn't like Deidara could keep going to school every day a secret.

Sasori, deciding Deidara was being annoying by staying quiet, rolled his eyes and stood up shakily. As an overwhelming sensation of dizziness overcame him, he stumbled slightly but caught himself by pressing his palm against the table. He had been experiencing this dizziness from standing up for a couple of days now, but it always went away after a few minutes. Every time he had told himself he would find something to eat (he was fairly certain it was lack of food), but he always forgot because he would remember something he had yet to study.

Except this time, the dizzying feeling wasn't going away. He was feeling worse and worse; his entire body felt prickly and numb, it felt unnaturally warm, he couldn't see anything anymore. It was like his vision was turning to black and he couldn't feel anything, Deidara's voice was so distant. Sasori squinted his eyes, trying to decipher what Deidara was saying; he seemed to be so serious that Sasori wished he could hear but he couldn't. In fact, he couldn't even keep standing…

"Essentially, danna, I've gone back to medical school, un. I know it's hypocritical of me to do that and there's no excuse, so I'm not even going to try and… hey, danna, are you even listening to me?" Deidara paused and frowned as he squinted at Sasori. He had been expecting a loathing look or a glare or another punch to the face, but he couldn't even see Sasori's eyes since they were concealed with the messy red bangs. He leaned in again, peering at him closely, noticing he looked odd; he was gripping the desk and he looked oddly pale. He was also swaying, like he was having difficulty standing up…

"Hey, danna, are you…"

Deidara never got to finish his question because Sasori promptly collapsed.

**Author's Notes: THE PLOT IS MOVING. THANK GOD FOR CHRISTMAS MIRACLES. I'm pulling an all nighter tonight just for the hell of it and so, luckily, I was able to update this! I wonder if I'll actually stay up all night…? Looks like I'll be writing… a lot… This chapter was shorter… not as exciting… I'm sorry… I have a document with a plan for this (every chapter has a brief description of the major events) and all I had for this was "Sasori faints." So… not very exciting. I apologize.**

**The next story I'm going to post will involve the infamous and out of character playboy Sasori (that I have been **_**dying**_** to write but I haven't had the opportunity) and the even more infamous hate-love relationship (that is slightly apparent in this story but will be much more in the next story). I don't know when it'll be up… after either this or 'Salvation' is completed so it'll be up… before AP exams…? Sweet Jesus.**

**From here on out, chapters will be shorter. I'm sorry if that disappoints, but if I update each time with a 10k word chapter that'll be insane. So.. 7-8k words? Hopefully. Sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. But I have to say, I'm amazed that I've gone almost 100k words without a single kissing scene. And now you guys are getting impatient so you must relax, romance shall come soon.**

**Long author's note. If you read all that, thank you! :D Thank you for reading, please review!**


	11. crushes, fights, and bloody noses

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter eleven: crushes, fights, and bloody noses.**_

"Danna? Danna, un! Sasori no fucking danna, wake the hell up, un!"

"Excuse me, sir, please don't yell at the patients…"

"Fuck that! The moron brought it upon himself, un! I'm going to keep yelling until he wakes up!"

"Sir, you've been yelling since you brought him in last night… it's been almost twelve hours…"

Sasori slowly opened his eyes as he heard Deidara's loud and obnoxious voice. As his vision cleared, he laughed lightly when he saw a nurse restraining the blonde and they seemed to be arguing vehemently. However, when they heard him, the nurse released her grip and instantly Deidara fell to Sasori's side, his eyes wide. And suddenly, the redhead felt guilt wash over him. Was he that worried because of him? This was his fault; he was so preoccupied with those stupid books that he didn't bother to eat anything…

"Danna? Are you all right, un? Everyone's here but only one person is allowed in… so I was the lucky candidate, un…"

"What… what happened?" Sasori managed to get out. He brought a hand up to his forehead and covered an eye with it, sighing. His memory was hazy but he felt IVs being attached to his arms, preventing any free movements. He must be drugged or something… he felt woozy and weak. He tried opening his eyes but the bright lights were blinding and he decided it would be better to keep his eyes closed.

"You fainted, un," Deidara said as the nurse slipped out of the room, "Doctors said lack of food, un. See, danna, you should've listened to me! I'm the med student, un!"

"You never made it to that, brat," Sasori said weakly, laughing. He didn't notice Deidara's momentary pause and nervous expression. He had actually forgotten, to be honest, forgotten that he had yet to tell Sasori. He was tempted to tell him now but the timing wouldn't be right; Sasori was in the hospital because he just collapsed—he didn't need to know that Deidara had just gone back on everything he had said.

"Yeah," Deidara managed a weak laugh. He glanced behind him and pulled up a chair so he was no longer kneeling and sat down in it, staring at Sasori. His hair, usually fiery red, lacked the vibrancy it usually did. His skin was so deathly pale like he was a ghost and he looked thinner, whether it was the lighting or he actually did get thinner, Deidara couldn't tell. His hands were twitching and his eyes couldn't stay focused on one thing, the blonde noticed and immediately knew why. "No, danna, I will not get your study books, un."

"But I must've wasted…"

"You wasted a good five hours on me, un. You can use some time for yourself."

"I don't _need_ rest."

"Danna," Deidara glared as the door opened and the same brunette nurse entered, "You just overworked yourself, starved yourself, and you look worse than I did when I was a hobo; you are _not_ to take a look at those damn books, un. If you keep going like this, _you're going to die._ Besides, you don't even _want_ this, why are you working so hard, un?"

"It doesn't matter if I want it. Ouch," Sasori winced as the nurse pricked his skin with a needle and began drawing blood, "I already told you my reasoning. It doesn't matter if I don't want this; I have expectations I need to live up to. Maybe you can just be confident enough to not want to impress anyone, but I can't. So back off, all right? Maybe I messed up but…"

"Jesus Christ, Sasori no danna, you're killing yourself, I swear, un!"

"Iwa! Keep your voice down!"

"…I got food poisoning often last year, un," Deidara answered when Sasori looked at him in confusion, wondering how the nurse knew his name. The redhead rolled his eyes and smirked as the nurse withdrew the needle and had him hold a cotton ball to the spot. She then stood up and retreated out of the room, and Deidara took this as an opportunity to keep talking. "Danna, seriously, reconsider this, all right? I mean, at first I thought it was okay because you seemed to be alive but you're in the damn hospital, un! This stupid test is killing you and you're only doing it for other people's expectations—just tell your bat of a grandmother you don't want to take it, un!"

"I'm not even going to try to defend myself anymore…"

"Because you know I'm right, un!" Deidara retorted angrily. Sasori sighed and rolled his eyes, which irritated Deidara more. Instantly, he grabbed Sasori by his hospital robe and jerked him up to a sitting position; if Sasori was surprised, he certainly didn't show it. His expression was still nonchalant with a hint of amusement, except the irritation that was just for Deidara evident in his eyes.

"Brat, let me go."

"Danna," the blonde growled, bringing his face close to the other's, "_listen to me, un._ This is the last time I'm going to say this. Seriously, _reconsider this._ I was in this situation, all right? So don't give me shit that I don't understand because I do, un. You're killing yourself trying to please someone else; you're not living your life for yourself. Are you going to spend the rest of your life pleasing other people or are you going to live your life for yourself? It's hard, okay? I know it is, un. Because you're changing the way you think but, trust me, it's worth it, un. It'll take a while to get used to and you're going to continue to wonder if you did the right thing, but eventually you'll get used to it and…" he paused, his eyes downcast suddenly and his voice softer, the grip looser, "…when… when you realize you have to give it up, you realize how happy you were, un."

Deidara broke off and raised his gaze to meet Sasori's again. He wondered if anything he said got through to him; he still looked the same but he saw an occasional flicker in his eyes. Sasori closed his eyes and let out a sigh before opening them slowly, glaring coldly.

"Get off my bed before I put you in one, _brat._"

The blonde hesitated before letting go of Sasori's shirt and stomping out of the room, scowling as he returned to the waiting room. Upon seeing him, Zetsu got up and headed towards the room (it was decided that next to Deidara, Sasori and Zetsu were probably closest). The blonde sat down, letting out a loud, angry huff to alert everyone of his irritated state and, luckily, they knew to not bother asking him what was wrong.

_What an idiot, un. I'm just trying to help the asshole… for God's sake, he would've died if I wasn't there…_

_ Maybe I do like him._

_ If he keeps this up he's going to die for real, whether it's from the lack of food or stress… And the idiot's supposed to be smart, un._

He frowned as he realized what he had thought.

_Maybe I do like him._

He groaned and stretched out on the couch. The others were, apparently, going to find some food and they promised to bring him something back. He rested an arm over his eyes and sighed slowly and steadily. He was still fighting with himself over these questionable feelings. No butterflies, no blushing, no wobbly knees—everything Deidara had known about crushes and infatuations were completely false. Instead of those innocent things, he had urges to beat Sasori up when he was being stupid, enjoyed fighting with him, and spent almost every waking minute of his life thinking about the jerk.

In fact, the only thing that he recognized was the accelerated heartbeat.

So maybe he was overreacting by lecturing Sasori endlessly about his bar exams when he was returning to med school. But it was because he cared for Sasori, wasn't it? He didn't want to watch Sasori go down the path he almost went down; he remembered the stress, the pressure, the anger, the depression. And now he was happy, liberated, and content with life. And he wanted Sasori to feel that, not the previous.

_So I care for him, huh?_ Deidara thought lazily. All the ideas he had connected with having a crush seemed so wrong. He was supposed to be combining his name with Sasori's last (the thought made him blanche), he was supposed to blush stupidly around Sasori, he was supposed to replay any conversations they had for days on end. But none of that was happening, so this wasn't a crush, was it?

Or… maybe it was? _Maybe it's an exception…? Yeah. Maybe an exception, un. Wait… shit… oh, fuck no…_

Removing his arm from his face, he smirked and laughed slightly, almost maniacally as Zetsu returned. The green haired man raised an eyebrow and stared at Deidara strangely, watching the blonde laugh at seemingly nothing on the couch. He watched for a few moments before deciding to speak. "You need a room here too?"

"I've ruined my life, un. And you can't tell danna."

"…Again? **Damn boy, you got problems.**"

**-X-x-X-**

"He's wrong."

"Mhm."

"He's completely wrong."

"Yeah."

"I mean, he's self absorbed. He's trying to make me into him. I don't get why he can't just leave me alone. What an idiot."

"Of course."

"And now you're smiling which means I'm making an idiot out of myself, so you might as well tell me why now, Itachi."

The raven haired Uchiha looked up and smirked. After Zetsu, Itachi was next to see Sasori. The minute he stepped in, he pulled up a chair, opened a magazine, and told Sasori to begin talking. After a momentary pause, Sasori did begin speaking, and Itachi tuned most of what he said out until the last couple of lines because he figured Sasori would just be repeating the same ideas over and over again. As usual, he was right. "You seem to care an awful lot."

"…About what?"

"Deidara."

"He's annoying."

"Usually you ignore annoying comments."

"Uchiha, what are you getting at?"

"You like him."

"Get out."

Itachi closed his magazine and smirked as he leaned forward, just as the scowling Sasori turned away, crossing his arms stubbornly. "Why else are you so hung up on this? You like Deidara. It's been obvious from the first time you didn't kick him out. You listen to him, which means you care what he thinks. So all his talk about you quitting is annoying you so much because you consider what he says seriously. That, and you really should quit law."

"_What?_" Sasori turned back to Itachi, his scowl deepening, "First you accuse me of liking the idiot now you take his side? What the hell, Itachi?"

"Think about it," the Uchiha shrugged nonchalantly, "You hate law, don't you? So quit. You can be successful in whatever you do, so why torture yourself doing law? You know what your grandmother wants is for you to have a good future—that same good future can be achieved if you were an artist. You don't _have_ to do law; that's her short term goal for you. Her long term goal for you is achievable in multiple ways."

"It's not that simple," Sasori muttered, looking away, "And no one gets that."

"It is that simple," Itachi said firmly as he stood up, "You just overcomplicate things. I'll tell everyone you need to rest. Your grandma is coming soon, I believe; Deidara was supposed to go call her. Think about this before she gets here. It may not seem like it, but we care for you."

"Yeah, I totally see that with all of you guys telling me to drop the one thing I've been working for all my life."

"We appreciate you too, Sasori."

As the door closed behind Itachi, Sasori laid down in his bed and folded his hands behind his head. The IV was no longer in his arm and so he was free to move around as he pleased; the only reason he was still here was because of Deidara's paranoia. It was about noon and he was admitted late last night. The nurse, Shizune, told them that he had passed out due to lack of food (to which Deidara gave Sasori an annoying, triumphant glare) and said that if he ate, he would be all right.

There was the brief annoying period where she questioned if he was satisfied with his body, to which he snapped that he did not have an eating disorder.

He sighed and relaxed, closing his eyes. He had to admit, it felt nice to be forcibly estranged from his books. He could relax and didn't have to review contracts or make sure he had the constitution memorized. Of course, it was unnerving, but it made him happy to not stress over this for just a few hours. Would this what his life would be like if he dropped law? Granted, not the laying in the hospital part, but the lack of stress? No more pressure?

He felt a chill run through him when he realized he was trying to imagine his life without law.

How was he supposed to do that? Studying law had essentially defined him for the last couple of years in his life; law was his life and his life was law. How could he think about the two without connecting them? So maybe law wasn't his passion, but what would he do without it? He could pick up puppetry but there would be that void…

_Void of filling your grandmother's expectations._

The redhead scowled, hearing the voice in his head again. Maybe it was true. He wasn't scared of not having law because he would miss it, he was scared of not having it because it made his grandmother proud of him. It connected him to the last living family member he had left and that was why he was so reluctant to give it up. So everything that Deidara was talking about, about being able to empathize, it wasn't completely true. They both had that desire to please others, but medicine wasn't the only thing tying Deidara to Ino. So Sasori had more to lose and that was why he was so hesitant to let go.

_But I really hate law. I hate it._

He sighed again; he did hate it, hated it so much. It was boring, tedious, and he had to make himself focus so much on it. Without it, he would feel so liberated. Maybe he would feel lost for a bit, but he would find his way again, wouldn't he? He was smart; he had lots of other things going for him. He could go into the arts or maybe business concerning the arts; anything, _anything_ had to be better than law.

People seemed to think that just because he was good at something, he loved it. He was good at puppetry, and he did love it. But he was good at law, and he hated it. Being good at something and having a passion for it weren't the same thing, and Sasori wished people understood that. He could sit and read and memorize for hours on end but that didn't mean he liked it.

Sighing, he held his hands in front of his face and frowned as he saw the fingers trembling. He couldn't even hold his hands still; this couldn't possibly be good. This was the effect of those stupid exams on him; stressed him out, made him collapse, made him so irritable (much more than normal). Staring at his still shaking hands, he frowned. _Is studying law really worth it all?_

"Sasori no danna, I believe you're talking to yourself so you can either let me sit here and watch you go crazy or talk to me, un."

"I do _not_ need you here right now."

Deidara sauntered in and sat down on the chair. He held out a plastic tray of sushi and chopsticks to Sasori, which the redhead accepted as he sat up. Pulling the tray attached to the hospital bed in front of him, he set the sushi down and opened it and began to eat, pretending Deidara wasn't staring at him.

"I knew you weren't anorexic, un."

"Shut up, brat. You should know better than anyone why I'm in here."

"Ex-fucking-actly, un!"

Sasori's eyes flitted up and silenced the blonde, who was munching on his bakudan. He knew Deidara well enough to know that while he swore often, he only used the more vulgar profanity when he was seriously irritated. But Deidara also knew that Sasori didn't appreciate being cursed at, and he learned to stay quiet when silenced. And so they ate in silence, reveling in each other's annoyed companies.

"…I'm going to take a break."

Deidara's eyes widened and he looked up in surprise at Sasori. The redhead began eating again and didn't look Deidara in the eye, an almost embarrassed expression gracing his features. Deidara couldn't believe what he was hearing at first and so he stared in awe at Sasori, letting the words sink, wondering if perhaps Sasori meant something else. But, judging by the refusal to look him in the eye and lack of a further explanation, he knew that Sasori meant exactly what Deidara thought and hoped he meant. Swallowing the bakudan that was half chewed, he finally managed to speak.

"You… what, un?"

"You heard me."

"You… you're _listening_ to me, un?"

"I am not. You told me to quit. …I'm just taking a temporary break," Sasori muttered, narrowing his eyes and looking away. He refused to give Deidara the satisfaction of knowing that what he said made such a huge impact on him; he didn't want the stupid blonde to gloat in a false victory. Besides, he assured himself, he would continue law. He just needed a break and needed to clear his head.

"HA!" Sasori cringed as he heard Deidara yell and stand up, probably smirking victoriously, "See, I was right, un! I knew I was right!"

"Oh shut up, brat," Sasori muttered and looked away, continuing to eat. He heard Deidara sit down and resume eating in silence and he had to admit, he was grateful that the blonde restrained himself from saying anything more. He supposed it would seem like a victory, to have someone like Sasori eventually conform to what Deidara wanted. It would definitely boost his ego, so Sasori suddenly wondered why Deidara wasn't saying anything else.

And then he realized that maybe Deidara wasn't happy for his own ego, he was happy for _Sasori. _Because he firmly believed that Sasori would be happier like this and that was why he was happy. So it didn't matter to him that he was "right" or that he was "victorious"; what mattered was that he had helped Sasori to make the "right decision" and it would help him to become as happy as Deidara believed he would be. And at that thought, he couldn't help but smile; it was nice to have someone care for him.

"Danna, not to be an asshole, but it creeps me out when you smile, un. Because you rarely do."

"Then stop staring."

Just because he realized Deidara might actually care for him didn't mean they were suddenly going to be best buddies or anything.

"The old hag is here! I-I mean… Sasori, your lovely grandmother is here!" Konan appeared at the door and both inhabitants of the room stared at her. They then sighed in unison (Konan's eyes widened at this), and stood up. Deidara took Sasori's empty container and threw it out, then walked over to Konan, and grinned at Sasori.

"Good luck with her, un."

"Thanks. Not going to stay to reinforce me?"

"Nah, it's a hospital. They're trained for situations where someone will die, un."

Sasori rolled his eyes but was smirking and Deidara laughed, both ignoring Konan's raised eyebrow and creeping smile. The blonde held up a hand and Sasori nodded in acknowledgement as Deidara pulled Konan with him out of the room. And so he had a few moments to himself in silence to mentally prepare himself for when his grandmother arrived. Because he had never confronted Chiyo like this before. He was always obedient, making sure to do everything perfect for her.

And now she was going to come in and he was going to pray his declaration of independence didn't give her a heart attack. He was getting nervous; what would it be like standing up to her? Tell her that the path she so strenuously set out for him wasn't one he wanted? And what killed him was that this would be like telling her he could do it, that the bar exams were too strenuous, that he wasn't as prodigal as she had thought. And he knew he _was;_ he wasn't taking a break because of stress, no matter what he said, it was because his heart wasn't into it. He could become a lawyer; he knew he could. But he didn't _want_ to, and that was the main deciding factor.

He didn't want her to think she had misjudged him, thinking he was better than he really was.

But at the same time, he just needed a _break._

Was this how Deidara felt? Everyone else against himself? Their expectations versus his own desires?

_How did the brat manage to choose?_

"Sasori."

"Chiyo-baasan." The firm tone gave no indication to his internal turmoil.

She paused by the door and slowly made her way to the chair. She smoothed out her dress and sat down, putting her purse on her lap and folding her hands over it. She looked so professional and put together, just like the Professor Akasuna that everyone revered. Everyone except Sasori, of course. She looked up and for an instant, he swore he saw compassion flash through her beady little eyes. "I was surprised to be informed that you have taken your studies to such a level that you collapsed. I appreciate the effort, but Sasori, you must make sure you are taking care of yourself."

Sasori nodded absentmindedly as he continued listening to Chiyo talk about the balance between working hard and keeping himself healthy. His fingers twisted around in the sheets uncomfortably; the words were right on the tip of the tongue and he wanted to say them so badly, but he couldn't find the opening. And she kept talking about those stupid exams and she was actually _smiling,_ she was proud that her grandson would be taking them as a second year, and she really believed that he would pass them.

So how could he say that he wanted to take a break and interrupt her? Crush her hopes and fail to live up to her image? How could he do that, when that was what he had been working for all his life?

_I want to take a break._

_I want to take a break._

_I want to take a break._

"I want to quit."

As soon as the words left Sasori's lips, his eyes widened in surprise and, judging by Chiyo's look, he wasn't the only one. Why would he say he wanted to quit? Didn't he make up his mind that he was going to take a break? What he wanted was a temporary break from studying so he would have time to recuperate. But he had intentions of returning to law after clearing his head; he didn't mean he was going to_ quit_, but the words just came out…

"Quit?" he flinched when he heard her cold tone, "You wish to _quit_, Sasori?"

"…I," he took a deep breath. He was about to correct himself and say he meant to take a break, but he suddenly didn't want to. Saying that he wanted to quit gave him such a liberating feeling, like a thousand bricks were suddenly lifted off of him. He felt lighter and better than he had in such a long time and the thought of taking it back sickened him. "…Yes. I… I don't think I want to do law anymore."

Chiyo stayed quiet and Sasori found it hard to look at her, so he continued focusing on the sheets he was playing around with. "Sasori, I firmly believe that you have what it takes to become one of the top lawyers in this nation. You have a keen mind and excellent work ethic. If you are worried about not being successful, you need not fear. I have taught several of the most talented lawyers our century has seen, and you are on that level and possibly even above," she finally said, in a slow tone, as if Sasori was a child that she had to be careful dealing with.

"It's… it's not that. I'm not… happy."

"Happy?" she frowned as he said the word, "Sasori, now isn't the time to pursue happiness. Happiness is something that comes to you after you have worked hard. You have to earn happiness and, while you certainly deserve rest and relaxation, you do not have the right to be happy yet. You have to build a solid future and have a good career, and then upon retirement, you will be happy."

Sasori bowed his head; he was clutching the sheets so tightly that his arms were shaking. Those were the words he used to live by, abide by, model his life after. He remembered preaching these words to Deidara that night on his birthday. That seemed like such a long time ago and he seemed like such a different person back then. Did he really change? He frowned; no, he didn't. Maybe his views did slightly, but he was still Akasuna Sasori, wasn't he?

"I… my roommate, he…"

"Iwa Deidara? Oh yes, I did hear about him from Tsunade-san…" Sasori looked up at Chiyo as she nodded solemnly, "Very, very bright boy. He could benefit from you, Sasori. He has so much potential, but so little discipline in his work ethic." She paused for a moment to shake her head and Sasori found himself wondering how she knew about Deidara. Surely he would be well known in the medical school for dropping, but had his infamy spread to the law school as well? Then how come he never heard about the idiot?

"The brat… I mean, Deidara," Sasori cleared his throat and spoke again, "He… he quit medical school before it began, as I'm sure you've heard. And he's so happy with his decision. You should see him when he's making sculptures; he's so ecstatic that… I suppose I'm jealous that he has the bravery to quit his what people expected him to do and pursue what he loves."

"Hm? But he's resuming medical school, is he not?"

Sasori felt like something punched him and all the wind was knocked out of him. He looked up with wide eyes just as Chiyo was standing up. As soon as she saw him, she seemed to realize that he didn't know and sighed, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Oh, I suppose you didn't. Tsunade-san has told me of this because you share an apartment with him. He did indeed drop out, but a few weeks ago he requested that he be reinstated as a student. After much consideration, she has agreed and he is to start classes as a medicine student on Monday."

The redhead felt sick. Deidara resumed medical school and still preached to him about abandoning what people expected of him just a few hours ago? _That God damn little hypocrite…_ he clenched his fists and seethed, and uncomfortable feeling welling up in his chest. It was like a mixture of anger and betrayal; angry at Deidara for being hypocritical, angry at himself for being stupid enough to believe it, and feeling betrayed by Deidara. As he remembered Deidara's adamant tone and genuine seeming eyes, anger flared up more. He was so good at lying, wasn't he? At telling Sasori one thing but turning around and doing the exact opposite.

"But very well, Sasori," Chiyo sighed and clucked her tongue, "I will give you the new few weeks off. You may stay home and recuperate from this. If you study for the exams, that is your choice. But I will expect that you still take them when they are going to be administered. I will talk to you in a few weeks."

He barely heard Chiyo's words through his anger, and she left in silence. A nurse came in shortly after and she took a glance at Sasori and faltered, worried to get close. But when he made no movement, she relaxed and stepped towards him, picking up a clipboard. She ran her eyes over him to make sure he was all right, when her eyes landed on one of his clenched fists, a sickening feeling when she saw red.

"A-Akasuna-san! You're hurting yourself!"

Sasori blinked and unclenched his fist. The right one just had imprints, but the left one was bleeding. The nurse let out a gasp and dropped the clipboard as she rummaged around for the band aids and antiseptic. Sasori stared at his hand; he was still shaking in anger. Red was flashing in front of his eyes; he felt so betrayed that he remembered why he usually didn't get close to people. Because this happened; he would get close and get hurt as a result. He had been stupid enough to think that Deidara genuinely had his best interests at heart, but obviously he didn't.

_Deidara,_ he thought as she took his hand and gently began to wipe away the blood and wrapped a bandage around it, _you better not step foot in this damn room for the next entire week._

**-X-x-X-**

"Hey, Sasori."

"Is Deidara with you?"

"Er… no. Hey, you called him Deidara. **What's with that**?"

"Nothing," Sasori answered as Zetsu sat down on the chair that everyone else used. He pulled out a study book and offered it to Sasori expectantly. He was surprised when the redhead looked at it and grimaced, looking away. He raised an eyebrow and looked around before setting the book down on the nightstand. He had seen Chiyo leave and she did seem to have an actual emotion slightly portrayed on her face, but he didn't have time to figure it out. Before he entered Sasori's room, his attention was distracted by the dying plants in the gift shop and so he had gone there, accidentally wasting an hour telling the shopkeeper to water the plants daily. By the time he was finished, he looked down and remembered that he had gone back to Sasori's apartment to pick up one of his study books for him, and had rushed back to Sasori's room.

"Not studying? Doctor's orders? **Or did you accept that you can't be perfect at everything?**"

"Taking a break," Sasori answered shortly. Zetsu's eyes widened in surprise, but aside from that, he didn't say anything else. He sighed and crossed his arms, contemplating this. Why would Sasori take a break suddenly? As long as he had known him, which was a pretty long time, Sasori devoted his entire life to law. Whether or not he was passionate about it, that didn't seem to matter to him; he wanted to do well in law, so he pursued it.

But, Zetsu thought, it didn't matter; this was Sasori's life and he could do whatever he damn well pleased.

"Deidara?"

"Don't say the asshole's name," Sasori growled. Zetsu jumped but got his answer and he laughed slightly. He didn't know much about Deidara but what he did know about him made sense for Sasori's sudden decision to take a break; his strong will and love for art would be infectious and Sasori would be prone to it. Whether or not Sasori saw this as a good thing, Zetsu thought it was. It was nice to see him relaxed and not be preoccupied by law all the time. Zetsu knew this would be a good thing for him.

Judging by Sasori's irritated glance, he certainly wasn't happy with the situation right now, though Zetsu wasn't completely sure why. It wasn't like he forced Sasori to take a break; why would the redhead be so angered? Whatever the reason, Zetsu was sure it would reveal itself in good time.

"All right all right, sorry," he held up his hands and shrugged, "Didn't know his name would be an explosive. Give me a warning next time, all right?"

Sasori rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, leaning back. Zetsu watched his fingers drum against his arms and felt tensions rise. Sighing awkwardly he stood up, nodding shortly. "Well, um, you're obviously **pissed as hell,** so I'll… just leave… and come back later… when you're not **going to use your fingers and gouge my eyes out.** So… feel better, Sasori."

The redhead flicked his eyes at Sasori, which Zetsu took as his salutation. He turned around and walked out the door, frowning as he reconsidered the situation. Odd, certainly, it was. His curiosity as to what happened with Deidara was now higher than ever, but he was also worried about Sasori's mental state. When Sasori was irritated, he wouldn't eat. So combining his irritated manner with the fact he was put into the hospital because he didn't eat…

Zetsu sighed. _Bad. This is bad. __**Not good with dealing with anorexics.**_

"Hey, Zetsu. How's danna?"

"Oh Lord behold, it's Deidara." The botanist looked up and stared at Deidara, who was holding a bag of barbecue chips and eating them nonchalantly. He blinked; this kid had no idea how angry Sasori was. If he let him go into that hospital room right now, all hell would erupt and he would probably ruin Sasori and Deidara's relationship, knowing Sasori's sharper-than-usual tongue at this moment and Deidara's quickly-agitated-temper. He blinked. As a friend, he should have both of their best interests at heart. He should tell Deidara that Sasori was angry and have him go home, wait for him to cool off, then they can talk.

But drama was just so _entertaining._

"Yeah, Sasori's looking for you. **So go visit him. Now.**"

Deidara raised an eyebrow but said a quick "thanks" and walked past Zetsu and turned right into the room. Zetsu sat down on the bench next to the door and leaned back, smirking.

He enjoyed messing with Sasori. It was revenge for all the times the stupid redhead made his life miserable.

"Hey, danna?"

"Fuck. Off."

"…Great to see you too, un," Deidara said slowly. He placed the bag of chips on the floor and sat down in the chair, glancing up at Sasori. Of course he noticed the tense atmosphere, but as far as he was concerned, he hadn't done anything wrong. Sasori hadn't even looked at him; he only greeted him with the less than friendly greeting and then resumed a stony silence, burning a hole in the opposing wall with his angry eyes. The blonde sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Okay, what did I do, un? Or are you pissy because they had to draw more blood or something?"

"Did you not understand my earlier words? Fuck off. Get out. I don't want to see you."

"Danna, I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm not leaving until I know exactly why you feel like cutting my head off, roasting it, and feeding it to termites, un."

"You know exactly what you did."

"No… no, I really don't, un."

The way Sasori turned to look at him reminded Deidara of a creepy baby doll in a horror movie. His head turned slowly and his huge, half lidded eyes were cold and angry. His skin, of course, clear as day was like a doll's, and his hair had that sexy yet messy bed head texture…

_Ahhh, fuck. Thought my damn hormones had their run in high school, un…_

"Were you ever going to tell me?" he asked, his scowl deepening with every word he spoke, "Or were you going to continue fucking _preaching_ about how I should quit law and pursue my art while you do the exact damn opposite? I just told my grandmother that I wanted to quit. _Quit_, can you believe it? I actually listened to you and told her I wanted to _quit_ instead of taking a break! Seriously, I don't know _why_ Tsunade-san reinstated you if you didn't realize I'd find out. Monday morning, you walk to class with me or I see you on campus. I'm not stupid."

The blue eyes widened and all color drained from Deidara's face. He froze and heard his heart pounding in his ears and blood rushing through him, the sounds all magnified. His body was suddenly paralyzed and he felt like he was having an outer body experience. This couldn't be happening, could it? How did he find out? Questions raced through Deidara's mind as he stared stupidly at Sasori, barely registered the irritated "well?" that he asked.

He was going to tell him, obviously. But once he got out of the hospital. Once he was getting better. Once things were going back to normal. He wasn't trying to lie to Sasori, honestly; if he could choose, he would follow his own preaching instantly. He wasn't trying to mess up Sasori's life on purpose, to soil what he, Deidara, could have been. He would never hurt Sasori and he wanted to say that, he wanted to say this, but he couldn't talk, his mouth was dry, his heart was pounding, he was… scared.

Scared of Sasori being angry, of Sasori never forgiving him, of being so stupid and cowardly. Scared of losing Sasori forever because of this mishap because Deidara understood his anger. He didn't blame him one bit; had he been in this position, he would be just as angry. Because it would be so hard to just gather up the courage to tell the person you've been trying to live your life for that you wanted to stop and change your life completely. Then, after that, to find out your inspiration, the reason you took such a big risk, was a complete fake?

Except… he wasn't a fake. It was all genuine. All those words, tacky as they seemed, were heartfelt, spoken with the intent of helping Sasori. Because he cared for him. He didn't want to watch him suffer as much as he did when he knew the solution to the pain and knew that it worked. Of course, Sasori wouldn't believe him. But Deidara knew he was being genuine and that he honestly wanted to help Sasori from the bottom of his heart.

"Well?" Sasori snapped again, not appreciating the silence Deidara was providing, "Are you going to sit there mute or try to explain yourself?"

"I… didn't mean to…"

"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't. You just wanted to stay on my good side so you'd still have a place to live."

Deidara winced, but bit his lip and made no retort to that remark. Sasori was angry, so he would let him get in his angry words and not comment on them. It would be like adding petroleum to the fire; in the end, both of them would get burned. "It's… it's for Ino, un. She wants me to go back to med school so… so I went to talk to Tsunade. But I didn't think I'd get _in,_" he added in a rush and heard Sasori snort, "Seriously, danna, have you ever heard of this? Exactly. I thought I'd be okay, un. I could tell Ino I tried and I wouldn't go back. But I don't know what the hell happened, but I got in. So I went to Ino's and I tried to tell her I didn't want to go back. But I couldn't. She looked so… so happy and I didn't want to disappoint her again. Because you know how important she is to me, don't you?"

"And it never once crossed that supposedly _brilliant_ mind of yours to _tell_ me any of this?"

"Um…" Deidara fidgeted as Sasori shot him another dagger filled glare, "…No."

"Well, I can't _wait_ to be treated by a brainless idiot like you."

"I didn't tell you because you'd react like this," Deidara muttered and looked away, fiddling with his fingers. He wanted to yell at himself for being so timid. Usually he wasn't like this in confrontations. He had so many reasons for telling Sasori that they were at the tip of his tongue; the reason he gave was the lamest and weakest. He wanted to tell Sasori all of them in hopes that maybe one of them would make him understand, but he couldn't, because ultimately, the main reason would come spilling out and he didn't want to tell Sasori that. He just didn't feel comfortable saying it, for whatever reason.

_I didn't want to hurt you, danna._

"React like this?" Sasori repeated incredulously, staring at Deidara, "React like this? Like what, like _this_? I just told my grandmother I wanted to _quit_. She's never going to look at me in the same way, you know that? I've worked my entire life so that she'd think I could do anything, that nothing is too hard for me to achieve. And in that single moment of weakness, weakness thanks to _you, _you insolent brat, everything was ruined. She thinks I want to quit because I can't handle law. And I can, that's what's killing me, _I fucking can._ I can handle anything, but I decided to put what I thought I wanted above it. And now my image, that image I worked so hard to keep, is completely shattered. She told me that she was letting me take a break and because of bar exams, no one else will think that. But that doesn't matter; my grandmother is the single most important person for me to impress, and the only that matters is that _she_ thinks _I'm_ weak now, all thanks to y_ou_ and your lame ass _preaching_ and ideas!"

Sasori broke off and panted heavily; he hadn't realize just how worked up he was getting. And for some reason just watching Deidara sit there quietly and take it made him even more irritated. Because he wanted an excuse to punch him and he couldn't just sock him for sitting there and listening, could he? He wanted Deidara to yell back and defend himself, and that was what he had expected. So why wasn't he?

_Maybe because he realizes he's wrong?_

Impossible, he told his mind immediately, that's impossible. He's arrogant and so sure of himself. He'd never admit that he was wrong at _anything,_ that just wasn't Deidara. He sighed angrily and ran his fingers through his hair, pressing his palms to his eyes and leaning his elbows against the tray for food that he never put away. He wanted to yell more. He wanted to scream, he wanted to knock the living daylights out of Deidara. He wanted an outlet for his anger but couldn't find one, and it was killing him. Because he suddenly felt his entire world just came down on him. And somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized it wasn't _completely_ Deidara's fault. The majority of the anger came from this realization that he was returning to medical school, but the weight of his decision came crashing down on him too. He realized that he was the one who ultimately made the choice, so having his image for Chiyo tattered wasn't _completely_ Deidara's fault, he supposed.

But he didn't care.

He was angry as hell and it felt better to shove the blame onto someone else.

"You're a hypocrite."

"I know."

"I hate you."

"I know."

Sasori sighed again; his heart rate had slowed down and he realized he wasn't as angry anymore. He still had that nasty feeling in his stomach and the urge to punch something, but he didn't have this animalistic urge to rip Deidara to shreds anymore. "Will you at least say something to give me an excuse to hit you?"

"If you want to hit me you can, un," he heard the blonde mutter, "I deserve it."

Deidara heard a clatter and when he looked up, he saw that Sasori had furiously thrown the tray aside and he was now pulling Deidara towards him with both hands gripping the fabric of his shirt. They were so close, but Deidara's accelerated heart rate was from fear. If he looked down, he would've seen that the knuckles were turning white. But he was too focused on the eyes in front of him, the eyes that flashed anger and betrayal.

"I want nothing more than to beat you to a pulp right now."

"Go ahead, un."

"So you admit it, huh?"

At this, Deidara frowned. "Admit what?"

Sasori smirked, pleased that his plan was working. If Deidara wasn't going to fight back, then he was going to approach this subject in a completely different manner. "That all your talk is rubbish. Because you, the icon of this 'abandon what makes you stressed and pursue what makes you happy' concept, ended up going to the institution that almost caged you. So this is proof, isn't it, that I was right? That you can't just allow yourself to be happy until you've worked hard? So you _have_ been spouting bullshit this entire time, like I thought…"

As soon as Sasori felt the impact of Deidara's fist against the jaw and was thrown back, he smirked. He moved to sit up, but before he could, Deidara was on top of him and had him pinned down, his blue eyes flashing dangerously as he held Sasori down by his throat. The redhead couldn't help but smirk dryly; definitely a medicine student, he thought. He was being held down against his throat so that he couldn't move, yet his breathing wasn't _too_ obstructed so he could easily be held in this position without passing out.

Knowing that Deidara's attention was focused solely on his face, he used the opportunity to throw his fist at Deidara and was pleased when it collided with his nose. The blonde cried out in pain and he immediately released Sasori and covered his now bloody, but probably not broken, nose with a hand and Sasori knocked him down so that they were in the same position, with reversed roles, and in the opposite direction.

"I wasn't spouting bullshit," Deidara said as he removed his hand and Sasori almost felt bad when he saw the blood, "I really believe in that, un. But I have Ino and she's important to me. I'm sorry for being a hypocrite, all right? But don't you dare tell me that what I believe in is shit; I believed every word I lectured to you. But circumstances had changed, and this wasn't me taking back my beliefs; this was me realizing that I could possibly lose my little sister and I couldn't have that, un."

"Yeah, but you certainly didn't give a crap about losing me, huh?"

"Sasori no danna," Deidara clenched his fists, ignoring the warning bells in his head going off telling him to not say his next words, "let's get this straight, all right? _You are not as important to me as Ino. I will always choose her over you, un."_

At that moment a door opened, and in walked a nurse rolling a silver cart. She looked up brightly, but once she saw the two in their position, her face turned bright red and mumbled an apology before hurrying out and slamming the door shut behind her. But both Deidara and Sasori hardly noticed; somehow, for some reason, Deidara's last words had struck a nerve within both of them.

Deidara had no idea why he had this gnawing feeling in his stomach. After all, what he said was the truth, wasn't it? He cared for Ino more than anyone in the world; just because he admitted to himself he had a crush on Sasori didn't immediately make him the person Deidara cared the most about. So… so why was he feeling so guilty as he stared at Sasori? He expected the redhead to look nonchalant and angry still, maybe even roll his eyes and scoff. But… but he looked surprised and maybe even… hurt? _Why?_ Deidara wanted to ask as he stared at him. _Why… why do you look so surprised?_

"…You're right," Sasori hung his head and laughed slightly, unsure why that statement stung so much, "Yeah, why would I be more important to you than your family?" It had to be the lack of food, he deduced. Because logically, it made no sense for him to presume that Deidara cared for him more than Ino. Because all he and Deidara were were roommates and possible friends. Ino was his family and their relationship was analogous to his and Chiyo's, with the exception that they actually liked each other.

"Okay, the nurse told me you two were in an intimate position. **But I, of course, knew that there's no way you guys would be fucking copulating, because both of you would refuse to get fucked.** Oh, Jesus Christ! You guys need to find some way to sort out your issues besides fighting all the damn time!"

Sasori lingered for a moment before getting off of Deidara. As the blonde rolled off the bed and grabbed a couple of tissues for his nose, Sasori slid under his sheets, staring out the window as Zetsu looked at the two awkwardly before following Deidara out.

"I couldn't help but overhear," Zetsu called out and Deidara stopped walking instantly, letting Sasori's former roommate catch up, "And it's not my place but… **you fucked up.** In blunt terms, sorry."

Deidara shot him a glare. "I know."

"I mean, I thought that you convincing him to take a break from law was a good thing, because it really does drive him crazy. But he sees you as a liar and I have to admit, what you did was pretty hypocritical. **And Sasori hates nothing more than liars and hypocrites.** You probably should've thought this through before telling him one thing and doing another."

"I know."

"I don't think he'll ever completely forgive you for this."

He glared again, but softer this time, sadness overtaking his features.

"I know."

**Author's Notes: I don't know why I make Sasori and Deidara fight so much… maybe because that's how I envision men to interact? Ahaha… hahaha… probably not very accurate. But this way, I figure, it will be hard to fall into the easy trap of making Deidara super feminine and girly and weak, right?**

**If I EVER start making Deidara into some weak little girl, tell me immediately, please. That is my greatest fear. I know it's SasoDei so Sasori should be "dominant" (hell, I'm not even sure if I'm writing SasoDei or DeiSaso or both equally "dominant" if that's even possible), but that doesn't mean Deidara's going to be submissive. Because he's tough and arrogant and reckless and a MAN.**

**Sorry, lack of sleep. Not in my best logical mind frame. **

**I hope you liked this chapter. Fun to write (I don't know why I stick people in hospitals so often), especially the last scene. What will happen? I don't know… I mean, I do know, but hell, I'll probably mess around with it. Thanks for reading, please review!**


	12. lies, lies, truth

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter twelve: lies, lies, truth.**_

"I'm leaving, un."

"All right."

Deidara paused by the door but Sasori heard him leave after a moment. He didn't move from his position of lying down on the couch and flipping through the channels with one arm folded behind his head. Sasori was allowed to go home the day after the explosion and from then until today, they interacted very little and only when absolutely necessary. They hardly looked at each other and neither wanted to attempt to apologize or make a gesture of apology.

The apartment had never been so peaceful. The neighbors were grateful, but any of their friends that visited were scared for Sasori and Deidara.

The redhead sighed and turned off the television after determining there was nothing good on. He shifted so he was lying on his back and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the silence in his apartment. He wondered if this was what Deidara did everyday, just sit around and do nothing. How could he handle it? His mind flashed back to his law books and he almost got up to study, but decided against it. He could do at least one more day without it, he decided, and smirked.

_Never thought I'd see the day where I'm the one that has to restrain myself from studying._

Ever since returning from the hospital, he hadn't touched those books. Instead, Sasori spent time walking outside. Deidara seemed to be secretly pleased that he was the one that got to stay in the apartment while Sasori wandered around aimlessly. However, Sasori mentioned casually that he wasn't exiled, to which Deidara glared at him. That was possibly their friendliest exchange.

It had been so long since Sasori just walked outside for the sake of being outside. Despite the cold, now December, weather, it was still so calming to casually stroll in the park, enjoying the crisp air and the sun without thinking about his classes or studies. It was so relieving to not have all that pressure; after a couple of days, his anger had simmered down. He was still angry, without a doubt, but he and Deidara didn't have to grip whatever they were sitting on or leaning against to not throw themselves at each other and beat the crap out of each other.

But it was getting cold; the snow was falling, making it a pain to walk outside, and it wasn't much warmer inside the apartment. Since Sasori liked to think about nothing while he walked and clear his head, he didn't want to be worried about if he was going to slip on ice or get snow in his shoes.

And so Sasori was confined to the comforts of his own apartment, joined only by the ticking of the clock and the noise of the television. He pushed himself up and stood up, albeit a bit too quickly as the suddenly dizzy feeling informed him. He stumbled back and fell onto the couch, bringing a hand up to his forehead. He closed his eyes and waited for the feeling to go away, sighing. He really had to feed himself, he thought as he stood up again and headed towards his study, not noticing the irony of ignoring the kitchen.

Entering his study, the first thing Sasori saw was a massive pile of textbooks. But instead of going and sitting down, he walked towards his bookcases, where he looked at his puppets, all carefully handcrafted by him. As he looked at each one, he remembered how many grueling hours he spent on each one, making sure it was perfect before even considering beginning another one. He really should have been a surgeon, he thought dryly, he had incredibly steady hands.

Each puppet told him a story, reminding him of what he was doing at the time. There were dates on the name cards and, as Sasori moved from older to more recent, not only did the quality improve, but the number of puppets also lessened until they stopped altogether. Of course, normal people would attribute this decline to the quality, as higher quality meant more work. But Sasori knew why. The year he started law school, that was when his passion had to be ceased, as he had to study. No longer was skating by with ninety percents in his class an option; he had to strive for that hundred.

He stopped in front of Hiruko and bent down, smiling as he gently traced a finger against the smooth, wooden face. Hiruko was by far his proudest accomplishment, even though he was, in other people's eyes, the ugliest. He was large, he was inhumane, he looked like he had had a terrible haircut, and he was… creepy, to say the least. But Sasori didn't see that; to him, Hiruko was something special. Hiruko was his first large puppet. He wasn't a simple marionette; he was an actual puppet that Sasori could fit inside if he wanted to. He remembered working endlessly on this, perfecting every joint and every hinge. Even now, he would do daily maintenance to make sure the hinges didn't squeak.

Hiruko was certainly out of the ordinary, but Sasori had designed him that way. When Sasori was constructing Hiruko, he remembered that it was during that time period that this anger began. He was angry at everything; at friends, family, society, the world. He hated the pressure and, he was pretty sure, it was around this time that he had been shoved into the world of law. And so he made Hiruko, embodying all the anger he felt. Hiruko didn't conform to what a "pretty" puppet would look like. Hiruko wasn't human, he was more animalistic. In some stretched out, incredibly odd way, Sasori tried to make Hiruko what he felt like.

The mask covered what he really wanted, much like how the mask on Hiruko's back concealed the true puppeteer inside.

Hiruko's position, on all fours, made him look like a dog, or some kind of animal. Sasori felt like an animal; he was constantly being controlled and peered at by people. Even praise made him anxious, because every compliment he took as motivation to do better.

Then there was the face, the angry looking face with the odd haircut and the face mask. Sasori wasn't perfect, no matter what everyone else though. People told him he was so "pretty," so "young looking," so "smart," so, essentially, "perfect." And he wasn't. He was angry at everyone for thinking he was, hiding behind a mask, saying "thank you" instead of "fuck you."

But, all in all, the fact that Hiruko was a puppet embodied Sasori's feelings perfectly. He liked to think of himself as a puppeteer. After all, he liked to control things; he pushed himself and made sure that everything he did was perfect because he could. He controlled everything: his successes, his failures, his high points, his low points. He was in control of his own life, and he wanted to make sure people knew that. He didn't get to where he was today because of luck. It was because he worked so hard and he deserved it.

However, he was still a puppet, as much as he hated to admit it. His puppeteer was society, the society that put so much pressure on him to be absolutely perfect, making him force himself to fit into that mold of perfection. And his grandmother, above everyone, was the ultimate puppet master. She probably didn't even realize how big an influence she had on him, but every word he took to heart. Critiques he took harshly, compliments even more so.

"Well, that's gone to waste, hasn't it?" he muttered dryly and stood up. He looked around, then walked over and sat down in his desk, running his finger along the dark mahogany wood. He looked at the books and papers impassively, feeling an impending sense of dread at the thought of restarting them.

With one single sweep of his arms, he knocked all his study materials off his desk, feeling satisfied as he heard them clamor onto the ground. He smirked and opened the bottom most drawer, the one he forbade himself to open and pulled out a bunch of pieces, looking at them.

He remembered working on this. For some reason, he decided he needed a puppet of the Grim Reaper. There was the black cloth he had found for the cloak. There were the separate pieces for the body. And there was the metal sheet he had found for the scythe. Running his hands over the wood, he found that it was already sanded; all that was left was to put this together. He rummaged around in the drawer for his tools, when his keen eyesight landed on Deidara's gift, still resting on the corner of his desk.

He retrieved his tools and smiled, never taking his eyes off of the gift. It reminded him of when Deidara gave it to him. That night when Deidara first began preaching his beliefs; everything was so much simpler back then. Sasori was still angry, of course, but he had to admit, he did miss having that kind of acquaintance with Deidara.

"I hope you're happy," Sasori muttered and tore his eyes away, beginning to attach two pieces together for the arm, "I really do."

**-X-x-X-**

One class and Deidara thought he was just about to keel over and drop dead from boredom and unhappiness. He had half an hour before his next class and he decided to spend it by sitting under an old oak tree in the quad, the shade shielding what little warmth the sun had to offer today. But he didn't mind; it wasn't too cold and he liked to be outside instead of confined in one of the buildings. It reminded him how just a few weeks ago, he was like this; completely free, no pressure, and happy. Of course, that was long gone now, and his hours were filled with classes and cadavers instead of lounging around and artwork. But, Deidara thought morosely as he glanced at his textbooks that he had carelessly dropped next to him, he'd go back to art eventually. One day.

The infamous Deidara was back, and he didn't even know how infamous he was. When he walked into his classes, students stared at him with agape expressions and the professors took an instant disliking to him, and their scowl only deepened when he managed hundreds or near perfects on the quizzes they had him take. Deidara didn't blame them; here was a student that was given an opportunity, rejected it, and got another free one out of the blue. And on top of that, he was smart, so they couldn't even kick him out for being stupid.

_That makes two of us that want me gone,_ he thought bitterly. Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out his phone and glanced at the time, pleased to see he still had ample time left. He closed his eyes and leaned against the tree, sighing. Already he had people come up to him and ask him to be their study partner. There were three types that asked him: people who were stupid and didn't want to do work, people who were smart and wanted to see size up their new competition, and, finally, those that just wanted an excuse to see him out of class. Had he been happy to be at med school and not harboring this stupid crush on Sasori, he probably would have said yes to a few people in the last category. But no, there was no way he could go on a date and think about Sasori and how they weren't speaking to each other.

Technically, Deidara supposed, that wasn't true. They did speak to each other. They alerted each other of mail, of food expiring, and dinner. And when the bathroom was free, and if someone had called and the other missed it. Very basic things, things that were just courtesy to tell each other. They sounded pleasant enough, but as soon as the words stopped, emotions whirred around and the negativity almost suffocated Deidara.

He wondered if Sasori would forgive him, when, if ever. He knew he had done wrong but he didn't want to apologize because it wouldn't be genuine. He preached doing what made him happy, but making Ino happy made him happy; what kind of logic would argue against that? Certainly, he could see why Sasori was mad, but he wished Sasori would see why Deidara did what he did. And now Sasori was free from the chains that Deidara took on and he really was happy for him. Even if Sasori didn't feel happy now, Deidara was sure he would eventually be glad to be freed, even temporarily.

"Look, little brother, we have similar friends," Deidara looked up to see Itachi paused and smirk at him, a younger Itachi look alike standing near him. They were probably crossing the quad and Itachi had seen him, and suddenly Deidara regretted spacing out and now having to talk to Itachi. The younger one raised an eyebrow and gave him a look over, one that resembled Itachi's rather condescending look at times, and Deidara couldn't help but snarl back.

"What the fuck do you want, Uchiha, un?"

"Nothing," both answered at the same time, then looked at each other and realized what the confusion was about. Rolling his eyes, the younger one spoke. "Itachi, he's nothing like Naruto. For one thing, I heard he's smart."

"Uzumaki is smart, no?"

"If you count memorizing every brand of ramen smart, yeah, the dobe's a genius."

"Oi!" Deidara growled, glaring at the two, "Mind telling me why you're staring at me like I'm an animal in the zoo, un?" Surrounded by two Uchihas, still not speaking to Sasori, and stuck in medical school. Deidara decided that his life officially sucked now.

"Oh nothing," Itachi shrugged, but Deidara detected the mini smirk gracing his lips, "Just wanted to drop by and see how your day as a faux medical student is."

"I'm not a fake, un."

"Your heart isn't in it."

"Oh, you're a therapist now? Thanks for caring, but I don't need you to, un."

"Nothing like the dobe. He'd be throwing punches by now."

"Will you shut _up_, miniature Uchiha?"

"Oh, all right, I see the similarities."

"Oh shut _up_!" Deidara glared at the two again and he stood up, grabbing his stuff. He began to walk off but stopped by Itachi, his shoulder rudely bumping into his, and he stared into the black Uchiha eyes menacingly for a few moments before stomping off, heading off campus. By the time he hailed a cab, it occurred to him that he still had classes and he almost got out and ran back to the lecture hall to not be late, but decided not to. Any professor on campus already knew to hate him, so skipping class wouldn't be too bad.

And besides, Deidara thought, he needed to go home. He had religiously attended classes for the last few days and it was tiring. Even back in his undergraduate days, very rarely did he not skip class. Old habits died hard, he thought dryly as he paid the taxi driver and climbed out of the cab. Shifting his backpack so it wasn't slipping off his shoulder, he moved his textbooks to his other arm and opened the door to the apartment complex. He gave a curt nod to the receptionist desk and headed upstairs, wondering what he would say to Sasori when he entered the apartment.

Usually he would come home around dinner time, and Sasori would leave some kind of a plate of food out (like he was some kind of a wild animal) and Deidara would take that to his room and do homework. It was rather nice that Sasori left him food so he wouldn't have to find any himself. Small gestures like that gave Deidara hope, but the cold shoulder and glares destroyed that little hope.

The elevator doors opened and it was too soon that he inserted his key and entered, poking his head in first and peering around for signs of the redhead. "Hello, un?"

"Ditching?" came a disjointed and lazy voice from the study, and Deidara instantly frowned as he kicked off his shoes and set his stuff down on the couch. He entered the study, expecting to see Sasori studying away and preparing to yell at him (even though that would probably make him even madder at Deidara), but was surprised to see him working away on a puppet. Sasori didn't look up but somehow Deidara knew that Sasori acknowledged his presence. He approached him and stopped in front of the desk, picking up an arm and looking at it, giving a low whistle that Sasori smirked at.

"Impressed you can display this kind of craftsmanship after not doing this for so long, un."

"It's innate."

Another cold conversation that sent chills down Deidara's spine, wondering if Sasori was angry or not. He carefully replaced the arm and looked at the body that Sasori was working in his hands, currently attaching the other arm to the body. Miscellaneous scraps of fabric laid around and a few carefully cut pieces were draped over his monitor. Picking them up, Deidara couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Danna," the old nickname that became so comfortable was now foreign on his tongue, "You could be a designer, un. I didn't know you were this good with clothing."

"Can't have naked puppets hanging around."

Deidara couldn't make out if the sarcasm was humorous sarcasm or bored and condescending sarcasm. Quite honestly, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. He fingered the fabric for a few more minutes and replaced it on top of the monitor, lingering by the desk for a few more minutes and watched Sasori worked. He realized he had never seen Sasori work on something; he had seen the finished products and sketches, sure, but never had he seen the great Akasuna actually work on something. And it really was something, to see the intense concentration and nimble fingers, the frown but obvious enjoyment dancing in his eyes. The blonde smiled slightly; _this_ was what Sasori being happy was like.

"Why are you ditching?" Sasori asked without stopping from his work. He didn't exactly want to talk to Deidara, but he felt awkward having the blonde watch him. That, and he actually was rather curious as to why Deidara was ditching.

When he asked the question, Deidara's spirits lifted instantly; he seeked any kind of acknowledgement from Sasori possible, to assuage his fear of being eternally hated by him. "Tired, un. I used to ditch class all the time and I realized I hadn't ditched any yet."

"Have any homework?"

"Yeah, un."

"Go do it."

Deidara wondered if that was Sasori's way of getting rid of him, thus showing that he was irritated, or if he was kidding. But he didn't want to risk it and turned around, taking a few steps before stopping and looking over his shoulder, smiling the first genuine smile in days. "Danna, I'm glad you're happy, un."

It took Sasori a few minutes to hear and register that, but by the time he looked up, he looked up just in time to see the door click shut and the now medicine student disappear. His hands faltered and stopped busying themselves for a minute and he stared at the space where Deidara was standing earlier, frowning slightly. He felt bad for seeming to ignore him, but it wasn't that; it was that it was so sudden. After days of exchanging so few, cold words with each other, they had an actual conversation today and the last line was unprecedented, catching him off guard. In a way, he was glad he didn't have to respond because he still didn't know how to.

Sighing, he put down his puppet and leaned back in his chair.

_Danna, I'm glad you're happy._

He couldn't help but smile sadly.

_I am. But now you're not._

**-X-x-X-**

"I pissed off Deidara today."

Heads were raised as well as eyebrows, looking curiously at Itachi. Quiet, serious Itachi, purposely provoking fiery, choleric Deidara? Surely Itachi had to have had a good reason for this, because as far as any of them were concerned, Itachi didn't go around and anger people for the fun of it. They had met together in an attempt to study but that failed miserably. They all had study books out and about, but no work was getting done; more attention was put on the eight boxes of pizza out in front of them, and the company of Hidan, Kakuzu, and Pein. Even without Deidara and Sasori, they could more than easily devour all the pizza. Kisame was the first to speak up, asking what everyone was wondering.

"I'm sure there's a genius reason for this that we're all missing… but why?"

The Uchiha shrugged, flipping another page in his business book that everyone knew he hadn't read a single word of. "It's the only way to make him realize he's not supposed to be a student."

"Heh?" Konan looked up, eyes wide, "What? Why? Did he get expelled already?"

Pein laughed lightly and shook his head at his girlfriend's naivety. "Deidara doesn't like studying. He doesn't like confinements. He doesn't like pressure, being told what to do, having to do something for someone else. Medical school, for him, is worse than hell. But he's making himself do this for Ino."

"Yeah and we all know how Sasori feels about this," Zetsu muttered, grabbing another piece of pizza, "**Has anyone talked to him? Or is he planning to kill Deidara and hide the body?**"

"Tobi has visited, by Sasori-san told him to kindly fornicate off!"

"Really, Sasori swore? Damn," Hidan muttered lazily, "Must've pissed him off, huh?"

"But Tobi did nothing!"

"Did you show up at his door?"

"Yes…"

"That's what you did."

The silver haired man cackled, rolling over and avoiding the pillow that Tobi childishly chucked, crashing right into Kakuzu. He looked down in disapproval at him, scowling. "Get away from me. It's bad enough you dragged me here."

"Hey, it's not like you were even doing anything at work. Besides, what's better than crashing a college kid's dorm?"

"I don't know. Having a respected job and working instead of bumming around?"

While they bickered, they were unaware of the intense stares from those around them. Ever since that day when they had been interrupted by Deidara's less than graceful entrance, they hadn't been able to meet up and the almost confession had yet to leave their minds. While most of them did a pretty good job of concealing their agitation, Konan was horrible; she learned forward and had to be physically held back by Pein so she didn't topple over.

And Kakuzu knew this. But while he was aware of that, he refused to continue the broken confession right in front of their friends and he knew Hidan felt the same. They weren't shy, but they also didn't like to talk about their feelings, especially feelings like these. And so he ignored the stares, glancing quickly at them and looking back at Hidan to convey the same message. The magenta eyes looked confused for a second but he seemed to get it, for once, and he rolled his eyes, as if to say "really, what do you think of me?"

"Anyway," Kakuzu cleared his throat and turned back to their friends, smirking slightly when they all jumped back, "I think we should get together with Deidara and Sasori soon. I'm worried that their apartment will soon turn into a murder scene."

"That's a great idea!" Konan blurted out, and the irritated look from Itachi didn't escape Kakuzu's eyes, "That's such a good idea! When should we go? And where?"

Kakuzu shrugged nonchalantly. "Wherever both of them would agree to going."

"…" silence pervaded the group and close friends of both stared at each other. Even though they didn't know the other well, what they did know was that they were nothing alike. Sasori liked antique shops and art galleries, Deidara liked loud places and watching things explode. Sasori liked to stay inside in a calm setting and Deidara would much prefer be running around, preferably with a detonator.

There was no single place both of them would enjoy going to.

"Well…" Zetsu frowned, looking around, "…We could go to…"

"Art shop!" Tobi piped up, bouncing happily, "Art shop! Senpai likes art shop and senpai's danna likes the art shop! And the art shop is closing so we should go to the art shop before it closes!"

"You are such an annoying twat when you talk," Hidan muttered, shooting a glare that made Tobi wilt, "Sure they'd like it but what would we do? If we run around and make a mess, Sasori would kill us. If we stand around and do nothing, Deidara would get all pissy like a bitch."

"What about the amusement park?" Konan's eyes lit up and focused in on Hidan and Kakuzu, making them slightly uncomfortable, "And the Ferris Wheel! It's quiet and it goes up high. Wouldn't they both like that?"

"Yeah but they'd have to be close together."

"That's exactly why!" she glared at Pein's raised eyebrow, "And then we can make it stop at the top and then they'll be stuck together and they'll have to confess their undying love and they'll be friends again and—"

"And you just wrote an entire script for a drama in three seconds and it won't work," Pein added dryly, smirking as the others chuckled. Konan glared at Pein again and he shrugged. "But whatever makes you happy and keeps me in my bed."

"Okay!" she lit up and turned back to them, grinning, "The Ferris Wheel it is!"

When the rest of them groaned, Konan held the last box of pizza hostage until they promised they would go.

**-X-x-X-**

"Deidara."

"What, un?"

Sasori leaned against the doorframe, kicking the door lightly to attract the blonde's attention. Saying his name felt weird; he wanted to call him the nickname he had christened him with, but it didn't feel right to call him that either. Deidara turned around tiredly, bags under his eyes and blue eyes dull. He blinked almost disorientedly and rubbed his eyes every once in a while and past him, Sasori saw a daunting pile of textbooks and homework. A part of him was glad; good, he should suffer. This was what he deserved for being a hypocrite and for betraying him. But at the same time, Sasori felt a twinge of guilt, because he knew how that felt, to live with someone who was so free while you were caged.

The question of whether to order pizza or Chinese was completely out of the question.

"We're going out."

"What, un?"

"Are you stupid?" Sasori snapped, pushing himself off the doorframe, "We're going out."

"…Aren't you mad at me, un?" Deidara asked slowly, frowning, hiding the excitement at the thought of Sasori not being angry anymore.

"Yes," Sasori answered immediately, "But I don't want you to go to the hospital too because you forget to eat. Come on. Let's go." And it was true; he was still mad. The sight of Deidara, the thought of Deidara, the mention of Deidara sickened him. All he could remember was the betrayal he felt and the anger and even now those emotions raged within him. But he cared for him, despite what Sasori acted, for a reason that Sasori had a feeling about but never acknowledged because it was silly. And while he wanted Deidara to suffer, he didn't want him in pain; a paradox that made sense only to Sasori.

The blonde sighed, the excitement disappearing when Sasori declared he was still angry. "Nah, I have a lot of crap to get through, un… why don't we just…"

"I'm not taking no for an answer. You come with me or I'm evicting you."

"_What_?"

"You heard me. Let's go."

Sasori couldn't help but smirk as Deidara cursed under his breath and stomped past Sasori, grabbing his coat before heading out the door.

**-X-x-X-**

"Are we going to sit in silence, un?"

"I don't feel like talking."

"But you dragged me out, un."

"To feed you, you stupid animal."

"I am not an animal, un."

"Animalistic by nature, human in appearance."

Deidara scowled and looked down, returning his attention to the menu, as did Sasori. After wandering around for ten minutes in silence, Sasori sighed impatiently and pulled a random door open, ushering Deidara in, not even bothering to look at what cuisine it was. Deidara couldn't help but laugh; even in the most awkward of situations, Sasori's impatience never ceased to reveal itself.

When they sat down, they realized they had wandered into an Italian restaurant, which was lucky, considering a butcher shop was right next door and Sasori could have easily led them in there. But pasta and pizza—that was a good dinner, Deidara decided, his mouth already salivating at the idea of bread. Unbeknownst to him, Sasori glanced over his menu and smirked at the ravenous look on the blonde's face. While his anger hadn't dissipated at all, he wasn't heartless enough to let him starve to death. Being in that position and knowing what an awful position it was, Sasori couldn't stand by and watch Deidara torture himself. He looked down again and scanned his eyes over the menu. He wasn't particularly hungry, to be honest, but hadn't considered that when dragging him out. All that was on his mind was getting Deidara fed. But, he supposed he could order something light and take the rest back home…

"Danna, how long are you going to be mad at me, un?"

Surprised by the question, Sasori looked over the top of his menu again to see Deidara looking at him, menu still open but eyes not on it. Quickly, he brushed off the surprised look and gave a soft smirk, looking down again. "What makes you think I'm mad?"

"I'm not stupid, un. You're pissed as hell and you're only doing this so the police won't have to bother you if I starve to death in your apartment."

"Ah, you are rather bright."

"Seriously, un," he heard a different, almost pleading tone in Deidara's voice, "Are you ever going to forgive me?"

Sasori sighed, feeling Deidara's blue eyes staring at him but he still didn't look up. "I don't know," he said finally, softly. "I can easily tell you that I'll forgive you eventually, but I don't like to lie, and you don't want to be lied to."

"Then you don't have to forgive me because I know I fucked up really badly," Deidara blurted out in a rather uncharacteristic desperate manner, "I just… are you… are we ever going to be friends again, un? Because I don't like… how things are awkward. I don't like the silence and not fighting with you, un. If I wanted someone just to live with, I could move into a dorm at the university. But… I didn't, un." _Because I didn't want to be away from you,_ he wanted to add, but Deidara would keel over dead before uttering those mushy, cliché words to Sasori.

Sasori's eyes flicked up momentarily and he sighed, closing the menu. "You want the truth?"

"Yeah, un." _Not really,_ he thought, seeing the rather annoyed expression gracing his roommate's usually passive features.

"I'm still mad as hell," he began, glaring ice cold daggers into Deidara, "And I don't think I'll ever completely forgive you. Because you didn't only betray me, you also lied to me, two things I can't stand. You were a hypocrite, you put off telling me, and because of you, I made probably one of the stupidest decisions in my life. And every time I look at you, I'm reminded of that, and I can't stand to see you. So in some ways, I'm glad you're going to class, because that gives me time to be by myself and I don't have to see you, because you remind me of how my grandmother sees less of me now. You barged into my life, made a whirlwind, and now everything is messed up and I don't know if I can fix it."

"Uh…" the two glanced at the waitress that stopped by their table and was now looking between them awkwardly, "I'll… bad time?"

"Very."

"Okay um… I'll… come back…"

She padded off and the two looked back at each other, Deidara casting his eyes downward. He tried to keep his composure together but he couldn't help the fidgeting and chewing of his lips, and Sasori could probably hear his pounding heart. It shattered him, it really did, that speech of never forgiving him, of blaming him, of seeing him and hating it. He didn't want to be hated by Sasori. He liked him, a lot, Deidara had to add, and he would have anything rather than have Sasori hate him, even being rejected and ridiculed.

"So…"

"But," Sasori sighed and spoke again, as if Deidara never said anything and the blonde looked up in surprise, "I can't hate you. I can't. I don't know why, but every time I look at you, I don't feel hatred. Annoyance, anger, irritation to all the most extreme levels. Seeing you makes me want to punch you, shake you, yell at you. But I don't hate you," he shrugged and took a sip of water, even smiling slightly across the table, "I don't hate you. I can't promise you I'll forgive you, but… I see no harm in conversing as we did prior to this incident. I will harbor negative feelings towards you, but I do admit, I miss your company."

He watched Deidara blinked slowly for a few minutes before his face seemed to expand with relief. A wide smile, the biggest and most genuine Sasori had seen in a while, spread across his cheeks and he let out a sigh of relief, bringing a hand up and scratching the back of his head awkwardly as he said something, laughing while he said it. Sasori shrugged and laid his menu out on the table, lifting a hand to beckon the waitress from earlier, and the two told her what they wanted.

Sasori had lied, and he kept thinking about that the entire dinner. It kept nagging at him because he hated to lie, yet he did it anyway. He said he didn't hate Deidara and he didn't know why, but he did. It was also the reason that he was willing to reestablish their friendship, melting the ice between them. The thought of acting like nothing ever happened repulsed him, because he would be living a lie, but a part of him wanted so desperately to be with Deidara, because deep down, though he didn't want to admit it, he missed the company and craved it.

Because without Deidara, he lacked the energy, the luster, the vibrancy in his life. The fights, the random comments, everything that Deidara brought into his life was gone suddenly and his life felt so empty and barren without it. Sasori liked to understand everything and have clear boundaries, but Deidara hazed those boundaries. He was mad at him but wanted him in his life, looking at him made him irritated but not looking at him depressed him, the idea of living with him was intolerable but the idea of him moving out was heart wrenching. It was like he disliked him so severely but couldn't imagine going back to a life of solitude. These mixed feelings towards him confused Sasori greatly, but he brushed them off easily, letting his innermost feelings deal with them.

After dinner, they each paid their own separate bill and left the restaurant, beginning the walk home in the cold night weather. It was like things were finally back to normal: Sasori walked along nonchalantly, occasionally smirking as Deidara talked about whatever popped into his mind. But they both felt this sense of fakeness. They both knew this peace wasn't genuine. Things weren't the same and they never would be; Sasori was angry, Deidara was guilty, and they couldn't just push that aside. They could pretend all they wanted, sure, but they couldn't pretend Deidara didn't do what he did and that Sasori didn't feel what he did.

As Deidara began to ramble about how they were going to get to cut open a cadaver soon, he stopped mid sentence. Sasori looked at him curiously and then felt the reason for Deidara's suddenly and abrupt silence as a single rain drop hit him. He groaned softly and looked at the sidewalk, watching it being dotted by the drops of rain, slowly speeding up and with greater intensity. Sighing, he stepped to the side under an extended roof a building and turned to Deidara to beckon him over and suggest waiting out the rain. But not only did the drizzle become a torrential downpour, Deidara didn't seem nearly as annoyed as Sasori had been. This should have been expected because they were, after all, opposites, but Sasori still couldn't help but be surprised.

He looked so happy.

Blissfully happy, uncaged, freed. Freed while in med school, smiling while burdened by books, laughing after losing everything he wanted. And so Sasori stood there, watching the blonde stand in the rain, closing his eyes and welcoming it. Sasori wanted to scold him, tell him that standing in the rain was _stupid_ and would lead to him catching _another_ flu and Sasori didn't feel like taking care of him again. His hair was plastered to his face and his clothes stuck to him like a second skin, but Sasori didn't have the heart to make him stop smiling so genuinely.

"Danna, isn't it nice, un?"

"Right, whatever you say."

Deidara laughed and Sasori couldn't help but smile genuinely in response, another rare smile that was only coaxed out by Deidara. He leaned back against the wall, watching Deidara enjoy himself in the rain. Maybe it was because he just ate or because Sasori had "forgiven" him, but he looked happier than he had in ages. The last time Sasori had seen his roommate this happy was at the art show. He would never forget that elated expression of pure, unadultered joy as he watched his "art."

The fact that his heart beat quickly and his smile widened didn't confuse Sasori. Not one bit. Because what Sasori had come to terms with long ago was that he liked him. He hadn't formulated those words, but he recognized it. In some way, he knew he liked Deidara but he never admitted it to himself for whatever reason. But now, watching him in the rain, as happy as he ever was, Sasori smirked, testing the words out.

_I like him._

_ I like him._

_ I like him._

They felt awkward and forced at first, but as he repeated them, the words became smooth and made his heart flutter, as much as he hated to admit. He kept repeating them like a rhythm in his head until he became accustomed to them. They soon felt so natural and every time he thought them, his stomach did flips and it took everything for him to not lose composure.

_I like him._

_I like him._

_ I like him._

He decided to whisper it, because it was one thing to say something and another to think it. Thoughts were private, so incredibly private, so it was easier admitting it to himself than it would be out loud. It didn't even have to be loud, but the idea of knowing that Deidara could hear him if he was close enough gave him an adrenaline thrill.

"I like him."

The words rolled softly, quietly off of his tongue, and a warm glow settled within him for admitting it. Now it seemed "official" and real, he was officially "in like" with Deidara and although it would be bothersome, annoying, tiring, and stupid, he couldn't help but smile, eventually caving in to Deidara's request for Sasori to join him out in the rain. The redhead pushed himself off the wall and walked into the rain, at first scowling at getting wet but when Deidara flung water that had gathered in a rather large leaf from a tree, effectively almost drenching Sasori, the redhead caved in and they were soon trying to splash each other, the sounds of their laughter in the lonely streets echoing and mingling with the rain.

Sasori had wondered why he liked Deidara, even though he never truly recognized and acknowledged the feelings. Perhaps that was why he let him stay in the apartment, why he didn't permanently cast him out, why he was willing to "forgive" him, why he still wanted the friendship, why he cared if Deidara was hurt. Why he felt that overwhelming sense of guilt when he was hurt and why he became angry when he thought of Ino and how she forced him into this.

But those seemed to be all consequences of liking him. The actual reasons were much more muddled. His spontaneity? His recklessness? His rebellious attitude? His stupidity, his bluntness, his optimism? So many things Sasori thought he hated became things he liked in Deidara and he couldn't pinpoint a reason why he liked him.

All that matter, however, was that he liked him, so much, very much, incredibly much.

**Author's Notes: Lackluster chapter after a long wait… I'm sorry! Yeah, that's all I have. Thank you for reading, please review!**


	13. tripping

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter thirteen: tripping.**_

Konan, despite her small frame and girlish seeming attitude, was incredibly strong. Sasori had decided this a mere few weeks after meeting her because even though she seemed like she would crack under high pressure circumstances, the opposite seemed true. She would thrive off of pressure, using that adrenaline to help her focus or whatnot and if she ever got into a fight, she would always end up winning, especially against a guy. More impressively, Sasori thought, she never had to use tears to win.

And that was the consolation Sasori used to make himself feel better about being dragged to an amusement park. As he stood there with the rest of his friends in a line, hands in his pockets, and looking around with a bored expression, he wondered how Konan managed to get all of them to come here at once. It must be quite a sight, he thought dryly, to see a group of ten college and working people gathered, waiting to go on the Ferris wheel. Had it been only two of them, that would have made sense. If it were only he and Deidara, it would have been like a date and that would be normal.

Except they wouldn't _go_ on a date, Sasori corrected himself. Because trust was necessary in a relationship and no matter how much he liked Deidara, he couldn't trust him and thus, a relationship was out of the question.

However, he supposed this entire setting was like a group date, two couples that would be official soon, one actually official couple, one that will probably start liking each other soon, and one that is one sided but frankly impossible. Sasori thought about this as he glanced around, his eyes finally resting on Deidara who seemed to be arguing, or rather lecturing, at Tobi about… physics?

"Tobi, physics is not _fun_, un. No one says physics is _fun_."

"But senpai! Didn't you major in physics?"

"…Physics is _not fun_, Tobi, un. That's beside the point."

Sasori rolled his eyes and took out his phone, checking the time. It wasn't as if he had anything planned today, but he did want to go home and continue working on his puppets. Now that he had the ability, his fingers felt empty unless they were touching the smooth wood and carving tools. Sasori was never did drugs or anything of the kind, but he assumed this was what addiction felt like.

"Are you and Deidara getting along well, Valentine?"

"What the hell? I'm Valentine now?" Sasori narrowed his eyes, glaring at Pein who was smirking, "Well then, fine, _Sunset,_ we're back to normal on the most part."

Pein nodded, and Sasori was disappointed that he hadn't elicited an outward emotion that he could gloat at. "Really? You're all right with him now? After he lied to you?"

Sasori scoffed and turned away. "Of course not. But within the next few years we'll separate from each other. Friendships come and go, and our current state will be able to last us the next few years."

"You don't want to stay with him afterwards?"

_Yes._ "No."

"Are you lying?"

_Yes._ "No."

It was silent and when Sasori turned back to ask why Pein hadn't said anything, he nearly jumped out of his skin at the knowing smirk and raised eyebrow. They stared at each other for a few moments, and Sasori found that his rapid heartbeat and the flush that was definitely creeping up on his cheeks, his normal nonchalant glare was incredibly hard to maintain. He couldn't believe he lied twice again today in the span of thirty seconds because of the stupid brat. _There go my morals._

"Sasori!" thankfully for him, Konan interrupted the two and grabbed his arm, dragging him away, "Your turn!"

And before he could protest, trying to say he'd rather go alone, he was thrown into the gondola, opposite of Deidara who was already in there, smirking as he saw Sasori come as close to being frazzled as he ever would. An attendant secured it and soon they began moving upwards, the gondola shaking every now and then. Sasori gave a glare to silence the blonde's smirk and looked out the side, watching the view below them steadily grow smaller as they went higher and higher up. It was quite relaxing, he had to admit. Even though the shaking made him slightly worrisome, he knew it wouldn't break and let them fall through the air and crash to their imminent death, and it was nice to be up so high, unrestrained by boundaries, freed.

"I'm surprised you agreed to going up so high, un."

"I'm surprised you agreed to sitting in a tiny gondola," Sasori answered and looked at Deidara, leaning back in his seat. It was bright red, to his chagrin, just like his hair. The gondolas were all different colors, but the windows were all equally clear with white panes.

Deidara shrugged, a half smile tugging on his lips. "I like heights."

"And I like serenity."

The gondola continued to climb higher into the sky and the two fell into silence, each looking out the opposite window. It was still an uncomfortable silence, not as extreme as in the apartment, but still enough so that Deidara couldn't fully relax and enjoy the view. Because being this high up in a gondola with Sasori both reminded him that he was trapped. Sasori reminded him of that, obviously, because of their fight; his decision to return to medical school was exactly why they had the fight and he messed up their friendship.

In bed, he often wondered what he would do if given a do over. Would he still return to school and ruin his relationship with Sasori or would he lose Ino forever just to keep Sasori's friendship? Just a few weeks ago, he would have scoffed at the idea, because he swore he would always put family over friends, Ino over Sasori. But now, being this close to Sasori and hating himself for doing something so stupid, he couldn't help but wish he had never chosen school, knowing full well what it would do to his relationship with Sasori. But he couldn't lose Ino, yet he hated losing Sasori, and he was at a loss. The belief that Ino was more important to him than Sasori suddenly became shaky. Because he knew he loved Ino, because she was his sister, his last immediate family. But he liked Sasori, probably way more than he had ever thought, but still, he should have an undying, unwavering loyalty towards Ino. Why did the idea of Sasori ruin that?

"Hey," Sasori spoke, interrupting Deidara from his thoughts and he smiled, gesturing out the window, "There's the campus. Have you reacquainted yourself?"

Deidara fidgeted nervously, as he tended to avoid talking about school with Sasori because that was the constant reminder that he had messed up. But he looked out and did indeed see the campus that caged him. It was weird to see the prison from so high up, because to Deidara, being so high up was liberating. He felt like the clay birds he used to make absentmindedly, soaring without a care in the world. He used to be able to do anything he wanted, and that was what being so high up in the air in his disgustingly bright red gondola (he had thought Sasori's hair was bright) reminded him of, and to have this moment of liberation interrupted by a view of the dreary campus almost disheartened him.

"Yeah, un," he answered, tearing his eyes away and focusing on the rest of the amusement park, "More or less, un. How are you getting used to not having to go to school?"

Sasori shrugged and shifted, the wind blowing a few strands of his hair into his eyes which he brushed away irritably. Deidara couldn't help but stare at Sasori's red hair, deciding that he preferred it much more than the candy red that he sat on. Sasori's hair was more of a fiery red, one that didn't blind and matched his temper. In fact he was kept staring at it that he barely registered what Sasori was saying.

"Odd," the redhead was oblivious to the blue eyes glued to his hair, "Extremely odd. But relaxing, I suppose. I almost don't know what to do with myself."

"Puppets?"

"I ran out of wood," Sasori said dryly, smirking at Deidara's laugh, "I was going to stop by the art store today but, well, obviously I'm not there."

Sasori had actually woken up before noon on Saturday, and was dressed and ready to go to the art store, having not been there since learning that it was closing. But he had his hand on the doorknob when Deidara wandered out, fully dressed, and grabbed a croissant, grinning at Sasori, saying how he was surprised that he was actually eager to go meet the others. As Deidara opened the door and left, he failed to notice Sasori's "kill me now" expression.

"It's not all bad, un," Deidara answered easily, looking over just as they reached the highest point on the cycle, "I'm sure you must've been lonely, un."

"I like being alone." _Half a lie. Three and a half lies in one and a half days._

"Hm," Deidara nodded, smirking. "How about we ditch the rest of them?" he asked suddenly, turning to Sasori, "They're planning on spending the entire day here, un. And frankly, I came here just for this. And quite honestly, I want to go to the art store too, un."

"What if I don't want to you to come with me?"

"Well then," Deidara shrugged, "You'll get to ride a nice pony on the carousal next to Tobi, un."

"…Fine, what's the plan?"

**-X-x-X-**

"He's dying."

Eyebrows raised, except for Tobi whose mouth dropped, as Sasori and Deidara stood in front of them. They were the last two to get off the Ferris wheel, having missed the first time, and the rest of their friends waited patiently for them. Upon getting out, Deidara was limping, holding his stomach and hunched over, while Sasori stood by his side, delivering the news in a monotonous voice. "He ate an expired breakfast burrito this morning and he has now contracted food poisoning. As a medicine student, he was able to diagnosis himself."

"Uh huh…" Pein frowned, giving a cursory glance over Deidara, "And this illness presented itself just a few minutes ago when he was fine all morning, eating cotton candy?"

At this, Sasori turned to Deidara and gave him a bone chilling glare that Deidara hoped wouldn't kill him later. "I believe the cotton candy only made things worse. I reiterate, he is dying, and we must take him to a hospital, for he is my main food provider nowadays."

"Senpai!" Tobi came forward and put his hands on either side of Deidara's face, and Sasori couldn't help but snicker at the blonde's irritated expression, "Tobi will go with you! Tobi will make sure senpai doesn't die!"

The blue eyes widened and darted a quick glance at Sasori, who made a 'tch' sound as if to convey _why did you have to make him fall in love with you?_ The redhead turned back to Tobi, a sly smirk. "That will not be needed, Tobi. In fact, the brat has an important mission for you."

"S-senpai has a mission for Tobi?"

"I do, un?"

"Yes. He wishes for you to eat as much cotton candy as possible, to make up for the fact that he is unable to enjoy any today."

Tobi gaped at Deidara, gratitude overtaking his features. Deidara blinked a few times in confusion then nodded slowly, as if to agree. That, apparently, was the wrong thing to do, as Tobi immediately pulled Deidara towards him in a bone crushing hug, and the blonde found it impossible to breathe. "Senpaiii! Tobi will fulfill your mission to the best of his ability! Tobi will eat so much cotton candy he will puke and never want cotton candy again! Tobi is so proud senpai asked him to carry out this mission! Tobi—"

"Aren't I dying, un?" Deidara snapped, shoving Tobi away from him with his free arm, and turning to Sasori, "Shouldn't I be getting to the hospital about now?"

"Yes," Sasori completely ignored the fact that the three quiet, intelligent friends they had were looking extraordinarily amused and grabbed Deidara's upper arm, pulling him away, "We should before you die here in the amusement park."

"Hey, if he died here, wouldn't we be able to sue for a lot of money?"

"Shut up, Kakuzu, un! Don't use my life for your own damn profit!" he snarled, remembering to act sick at the last second and groaning. He hobbled as Sasori led him away, secretly enjoying the fact that Sasori was guiding him, his slender fingers around his arm. But then, it suddenly occurred to him as they stopped by the edge and Sasori held out a hand to hail a cab, it was like he was submissive. At this, he jerked his arm away, ignoring Sasori's surprised look. Like hell he was going to be submissive, he thought bitterly. He refused to the one to be dominated in a relationship.

_Ha, look at me, _he laughed dryly in his head as he got into the cab that stopped and Sasori slid in after him, giving the driver the address of the art store, _imagining being in a relationship with danna. That's pathetic._

Once they were a good distance away, Deidara sat up and crossed his legs, resting an ankle on his knee and looking out the window. He heard a sigh and turned back to Sasori, seeing the redhead with his arms crossed and fingers tapping impatiently, a glare on his face as he stared out the opposite window. "What's wrong, un?"

"I lied. Again. The fourth time."

"Just a little white lie, un," Deidara answered, "White lies never hurt anyone."

"That's how liars start," Sasori retorted without hesitation, "First it's white lies then the occasional selfish lie. Then soon all their morals disintegrate and they lie out of habit, like they forget how to tell the truth. I don't want to be that kind of a liar."

It was quiet for a while, and all that they heard was the honks from other cars outside and the sound of cars speeding past them. Sasori wondered if the cab driver was listening and wondering about them or if he was just spacing out and concentrating on driving. The idea that the driver was listening didn't bother him too much, since he'd probably never see him again. Finally, as they came to a stop at a red light, Deidara spoke.

"Sometimes you have to lie, un. And they may seem like selfish lies, but there's always a reason behind every lie, right? I know you don't like lying, but unless you're a truly evil person, you lie to benefit someone other than yourself. I lied to protect Ino. You lied for myself and yourself, and the others so they wouldn't deal with us moping around, un. People lie about cheating to not hurt friends and same with affairs, un. Unless you're a genuinely malicious person, the reason for lying is to protect someone and danna, you're not a malicious person. You'd never turn into that kind of a liar."

Sasori didn't say anything for a few seconds, then looked over, a half smile that Deidara found adorable but refused to use that word to describe it. "I find it odd," the redhead spoke, "That I don't trust you at all yet you're the only one I can have these kinds of heart to heart talks to." And he did wonder why that was. He thought that he'd never be able to trust Deidara, but honestly, right now, he felt that Deidara was the only one he trusted enough to say what was really on his mind. It was so paradoxical; he didn't trust him but at the same time he trusted him so much too.

The blonde laughed, shrugging as the car came to a stop in front of the store and they both opened their doors after Sasori paid him. As the taxi cab sped off, the two stepped onto the curb and towards the art store that had always been like a second home. As they entered, they inhaled the familiar scent of wood and glue. It was like everything was the same except the ugly red "FINAL SALE" print being everywhere.

They headed off together towards the same aisle and Sasori stopped first as Deidara walked past him, towards the clay. Sasori picked up a few pieces of wood, testing the weight and sturdiness. He glanced around and saw different colors, but he knew exactly which shade he wanted, a sort of sandy beige color. And it was right there in front of him, which, of course it was, because he memorized the different shades of wood that the art store provided. He took a huge pile (who knew if the store would be open next time he came back?) and began looking at sandpaper, when he was interrupted.

"Dannaaa, un."

"What do you want, brat?"

"Money, un."

"I already gave you money."

"I spent it, un."

"On what?"

"Cotton candy, un."

"…How did you spend all of it?"

"What makes you think I only had one, un?"

Sasori grumbled but took out his wallet and fished out a few bills, holding them out in an outstretched arm, making Deidara walk over to get it. At that moment, Genma passed by with a toothpick in his mouth and he looked over. "Oh whoa. It's like the first time you guys met, huh? Who would've thought you two would be friends?"

The two looked up at him then at each other and scoffed, both saying "not me" at the same time, then glaring at each other. At this, Genma laughed and shook his head, and began to head off but stopped again, nodding at Sasori. "Akasuna, your grandmother stopped by a few days ago."

"…What?" Sasori asked in surprise and sensed Deidara's sudden interest, "…She came _here_?"

Genma nodded, obviously not understanding how large of magnitude this event was as he rearranged some items that had been messily shoved back by a lazy customer. "She looked around kind of wistfully and asked me if you spent a lot of time here. I said you used to but not much anymore and she smiled sadly and just left. Kind of weird, really."

Sasori gave an absentminded nod and Genma headed towards the cash register when he saw a woman standing there, waiting impatiently. He felt lightheaded suddenly and frowned, hardly noticing Deidara's worrisome expression. Why would she be here, he asked himself, did it have to do with his "break?" Was something wrong? The blonde waved a hand in front of Sasori tentatively. "Danna, are you all right, un?"

"…Yeah," he snapped back into reality, managing a small smile and feeling guilty for making him worry, "Yeah, I'm fine. Go look at your clay, brat."

**-X-x-X-**

Two weeks passed, and Sasori hadn't been able to stop thinking about the fact that Chiyo went to the art store. Every now and then he would find himself spacing out, tapping his fingers against whatever was closest to him. Deidara was in and out of the apartment, whether it was classes or going out to study with some people. Sasori liked watching Deidara's facial expressions of disgust and reluctance before he left. Not like he was a sadist or anything, but he liked that Deidara was suffering.

"You should go visit her, un."

Sasori looked up in surprise and at Deidara who was on the other couch, reading a book and scribbling down notes in a notebook beside him. Around him were other books and papers and looking at it made Sasori reminiscent of his days as a law student. Now he was still surrounded, but it was with puppet materials, like cloth and wood as well as tools. He had to say, he liked what he was surrounded by much better. He had skimmed through one of Deidara's textbooks out of boredom and curiosity, saw a blood splatter and immediately closed it and gave it back, wondering why Deidara gave a lighthearted chuckle upon being informed there was blood in his book.

The redhead scowled and looked away, resuming his project and heard Deidara continue to take notes again, the lead making scrawling sounds against the notebook. It was quiet until he spoke again, as usual.

"Have you ever been in a room with two people that were obviously insane for each other but didn't know and the tension was suffocating, un?"

Immediately, Sasori thought about Hidan and Kakuzu and Pein and Konan prior to their getting together. "Yes."

"It's like that," Deidara said, never once looking up and Sasori wondered how he could read, take notes, and converse at the same time, "I know you want to see her and she wants to see you, un. And you're both too stubborn to go, so you might as well because all of your limbs work."

"Chiyo-baachan is perfectly capable of walking."

"Yeah, but so are you, un."

"Why do you want me to go? Shouldn't you be glad I'm trying to stay away from anything related to law?" Sasori couldn't help but ask the second question bitterly, feeling slightly guilty at the flash of guilt that he saw pass over his roommate. He hadn't meant to be bitter about it, but at the same time he already decided he wasn't going to sugarcoat _all_ of his feelings. Just deciding to speak to Deidara on a normal basis was strenuous enough; if he had to pretend none of this ever happened, he wasn't sure he'd make it.

"Yeah," Deidara answered after a momentary pause, and this time he put his pencil down and looked up, smiling softly, "But at the same time quitting law…"

"Taking a break."

"Taking a break," he amended, "from law wasn't your choice and I basically tricked you in it, un. I don't like seeing you suffer but I don't want you to live a lifestyle that you were tricked into. So go. If I'm lucky, you'll choose to never do law again, but if you do, well," he shrugged, closing his textbook and putting it aside to pick up another one, "I can't do anything about that, un. Because you're the puppet master, after all."

"Clever," Sasori muttered dryly and Deidara laughed. It was silent again except for Deidara's scrawling and page turning and Sasori felt his heart rate begin to increase, a bad habit of his when he knew he had to do something he really didn't want to. Looking up, he looked at Deidara and for the first time really took in how tired he was. He had seen him stressed out but he looked so much more than just stressed out now. Depressed, empty, forlorn, heartbroken, all those emotions hung over him like a dark cloud as the dull blue eyes scanned the pages mechanically, and fingers that were meant to mold clay turned pages and scrawled notes (in a doctor's handwriting, Sasori might add as he saw the chicken scratch).

His brown eyes softened from the subconscious glare they developed whenever he focused on Deidara. He always emitted this anger unwillingly and without knowing it and once he realized it, he'd retract it and look away. Because as much as he was mad, he still liked him, and while that didn't distinguish his anger, it also kept it under control. Sighing, he stood up after carefully removing the puppet pieces he was working on and navigated around the coffee table, grabbing his coat off the back of a chair.

"Going somewhere?" Deidara drawled, but the amusement in his voice didn't go by undetected. He never once looked up but he saw and heard Sasori moving; he had become very good at multitasking, he realized. There was going to be one good thing coming out of med school, at least.

Sasori scowled heavily. "No, just putting on my coat for my own amusement."

He heard another laugh and just before he opened the door, Deidara spoke again. "Say hi to Chiyo for me, un."

"Oh shut up," he muttered and left, slamming the door shut, smiling slightly as he heard another laugh. Because as silly as it was, this stupid crush made it so that every time Deidara laughed, he found himself smiling because Deidara's happiness would be his. As he walked down the hall towards the elevator, he contemplated that thought and almost face palmed at how cliché and disgustingly sentimental that thought was.

_My brain is turning into mush from the lack of law,_ he decided, sighing, _there would be no other reason for me to think like a stupid school girl crushing on an upperclassman. _

_ Except you really like him,_ the small voice in the back of his head that Sasori had gotten accustomed to ignoring pointed out, _you really, really, really like him._

_ Oh shut up,_ he thought to himself, repeating what he said to Deidara and as the doors open, he looked upward, as if to ask for help from above, _and now I'm talking to myself. I'm losing it. Seriously losing it._

_ For Deidara,_ the voice in the back of his head added rather cheerfully.

Sasori almost stuck his head between the closing elevator doors in an attempt to shut that voice up.

**-X-x-X-**

"I love you."

Kakuzu looked up and he couldn't help but half smile seeing Hidan standing in front of him, his proclamation attracting curious looks from both coworkers and clients. He was at work and his threatening text to Hidan to stay away obviously didn't work; here he was, no coat in the freezing weather, baring his soul (or what little of a soul the sadist had) with absolutely no shame whatsoever. Sighing, Kakuzu put down his pen, resting it on the papers he was reading and folded his hands, leaning on his elbows on the table.

He couldn't say he was surprised about this; he felt he and Hidan had communicated their mutual feelings without actually speaking them. What surprised him was that Hidan was willing to say the three words out loud and in public and, judging by the tiniest of blushes, it wasn't easy.

So Kakuzu, being Kakuzu, decided to make it harder.

"I'm sorry," he said, his lips curling into a wider grin at Hidan's deepening scowl, "What did you say?"

The magenta eyes scowled and pale skin flushed as he sensed more curious onlookers peering over whatever obstructed their view to focus on the two. Kakuzu was usually quiet and hardworking, so it was even juicier that he was the source of drama today in the bank. Hidan sighed and brought a hand up, running it through his hair, messing it up and averting his gaze. "You heard me, fucktard."

Kakuzu couldn't help the smirk, deciding to torture Hidan for a bit more. After all, how often was it that he could torture Hidan who usually tortured him? "What prompted this confession?"

"Sick of having the others fuckers stare at us like we're damn zoo animals. So there it is. Now they can't keep staring at us and shit. Fuck, this is embarrassing…"

The older man smirked again, wider this time and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms and looking at him in an almost triumphant look. "And what were you hoping to get out of this? I hope you weren't expecting me to _kiss _you by any means, as that would be quite a show of public affection, as you should know is not in my character to do."

"Ah, fuck you, I don't want your damn slimy lips on mine anyway!" Hidan growled, his face growing redder by the minute, "I just wanted to say it, okay? Sick of having this awkward…" he paused and made a random gesture with his hands, "_thing_ in the air. I don't like it. So I'll just come out and say it and frankly, I don't give a shit if you feel the same way back or not, but now you know so…"

"Hidan," Kakuzu had to look away briefly to stifle his laughter, and motioned for him to sit down, "Here. Sit."

"…Why?" the silver haired man obliged and looked at him suspiciously, "What are you going to do to me?"

"I'm going to help you set up a pension."

"What the _fuck_?"

Hidan slammed his palms down and was about to stand up and stomp off, muttering "fucking arrogant bastard still thinks about money while I confess to him" when a sudden jerk to his shirt stopped him. He didn't have to look down to see that Kakuzu had a grip on the front of his shirt and pulled him towards him roughly, kissing him softly. Their lips brushed momentarily and Kakuzu let go of his shirt and pulled back, smirking.

"So," he said, enjoying Hidan's beet red face and ignoring the gasps from the spectators, "That pension?"

**-X-x-X-**

"Oddly enough, Sasori, I have been expecting you."

The redhead couldn't help but jump slightly, hearing his grandmother's voice as soon as he let himself in (she had given him a key a while ago). He took off his shoes at the door quietly and made his way into her study where he found her surrounded by piles of books and papers and, just like Deidara, she looked tired. Her red pen was destroying yet another paper and he felt a longing suddenly. Not one to write a paper, but one to know that his grandmother, the harshest grader at the university, was giving him yet another A because he deserved it, proving himself to everyone that he could do anything he wanted, even if he hated it. The longing was so strong he almost grabbed a few pieces of blank paper and began writing but, of course, he restrained himself for several reasons, one of them being he didn't know what the prompt was.

"Genma…" Sasori started but his voice was raspy and he cleared it, trying to look steadily at her and not portray the nervousness he was feeling, "Genma said he saw you at the art store."

Always blunt, he didn't bother to sugarcoat it or sneak it into the conversation. He saw the red pen stop, bleeding into the paper before Chiyo regained composure and continued with her comment. She didn't answer at first but Sasori knew to wait; if anything, she was even less patient than he was. She finished the paper and sighed, scribbling a 'C' in front and putting it on a small pile, taking another from a large pile before answering. "Yes. I did indeed go there."

"Why?" he didn't want to sound eager but he couldn't help it; he was dying to know why she went and gave up pretending to be nonchalant about it.

"To be quite honest, I am surprised you are still on your break. I decided to try to understand what it was about your art that you love," she answered simply and Sasori noticed she was doing the same multitasking that Deidara was capable of. Suddenly, he wondered if he could multitask like that as well…

"…So you go to an art store?" he couldn't help but ask incredulously, and flinched at her cold glare. He looked around and began to clear stacks of books and papers off a chair for him to sit, wondering how he managed to make himself open these textbooks with horridly boring seeming titles.

"I remember taking you to an art store when you were young," she spoke suddenly as he was clearing off a chair in a soft voice, and Sasori carefully moved the chair over so that he could hear her, "And you were so happy while I just saw the store as another store. I didn't understand your passion then and so I thought if I revisited the same store I may understand it now."

Sasori blinked and smiled softly, looking away. Indeed that art store was the first one he went to, another reason why it was so dear to him. It was there that his passion began; stepping into the store, he felt a sense of belonging and when he saw the puppets, he knew that was what he wanted to do. Chiyo glanced up and she smiled herself, seeing her grandson's serene smile. That was a smile she hadn't seen for a long time and to see it now was refreshing.

He was changing, and she could see that. He was smiling and he looked more relaxed; the Sasori she knew smiled so seldom and so rarely. And not only that but he took a break from law, something he would have never done before, and Chiyo couldn't help but wonder what provoked this change. Sasori was stubborn and hated changing, so it was a surprise. Her mind drifted back to the blonde roommate she had met when dropping off study materials and she sighed, shaking her head and laughing softly.

_Really, Iwa Deidara has the power to change my grandson? No wonder Tsunade-san has so much faith in him._

She had seen him around campus occasionally, alone, and wandering around from class to class. He rejected most people that attempted to talk to them and didn't show respect to professors like others did. But she heard, every faculty member was talking about the infamous Iwa, that he was incredibly gifted. The professors would admit this begrudgingly, scowling as they got their coffees in the faculty lunchroom, talking about how they wished they could fail him and make him learn his place but they couldn't unless they were to be unfair.

He really didn't look smart, Chiyo had thought lazily when she saw him. Not in an insulting way or anything, but he looked like a normal artist, which mean he looked insane. He had long hair that was messily tied up in some way or another, tired blue eyes, and a glazed look in class, his eyes only looking alert when he caught sight of clay. And then he would slouch lazily in class but manage high grades. With his messy clothes, nonchalant and arrogant attitude, he didn't seem like a brilliant, prodigal med student.

But then again, this was the kid that lived with Sasori, so Chiyo had to admit he was extraordinary.

"Chiyo-baachan," Sasori spoke up again suddenly interrupting Chiyo from her musing about Deidara, and he clenched his fists, "May… may I ask you something?" It was a question that he had always held in the back of his mind but never asked because of their distant relationship and because he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer. But he had to know, he realized, otherwise he would never completely be at peace.

Chiyo looked up in surprise; Sasori rarely asked her questions about anything. Either he knew the answer or he really didn't care that much, so it was odd that he would be asking something. He was changing, she decided, definitely. He was actually portraying emotion, she noted his clenched fists and downward cast eyes, more emotion than he had ever portrayed before since the hospital. Did she like it? She wasn't sure; she had grown accustomed to the goal oriented, quiet, passive Sasori. "Of course."

"Why…" the words were stuck in his throat and he gulped several times, feeling his grandmother's piercing eyes on him. Very few things would cause him to be nervous and, despite how Sasori would never admit it, Chiyo definitely was one of those things. Despite his loathing towards her, she was still his guardian; the one who raised him. And for that he would always, _always_ strive to please her. He closed his eyes and opened them, looking up at her, "Why… did you lie to me about my parents?"

Chiyo looked at him quietly and sighed, looking away. She removed her glasses from the bridge of her nose and placed them on her desk softly. She stayed quiet for several moments and Sasori wondered if she had even heard him until she answered.

"I wanted to try to teach you that you don't need love, Sasori. I wanted to hug you and comfort you, I did. But you just lost your parents and I didn't want that to become a burden and to have you think that you wouldn't be good enough because you would be the boy who lost his parents. You don't need anyone to succeed and you don't need love. I wanted to teach you that and I'm sorry for the pain it caused you," she answered and smiled softly at him. "I love you, Sasori. It may not seem like it but I pushed you so hard and kept my distance for your own benefit. Some people are dependent on others and cannot survive without them. I didn't want you to be that kind of person."

_Sometimes you have to lie, un. And they may seem like selfish lies, but there's always a reason behind every lie, right?_

He suddenly thought of Deidara's words, words that seemed to make no sense at the time, but now made such perfect sense. Chiyo's lie, the lie that forever strained their relationship, was to protect him, because no little toddler would want to hear devastating news. Everything she had done was to help him and she did it in the only way she knew how: by distancing herself.

"Right," he said after a moment's hesitation and when he looked up, she saw a flicker of a smile pass over his features and he nodded, "…That's all I wanted to ask you, Chiyo-baachan."

He stood up and left the office quietly without saying goodbye, as he always did. Out of the office, out of her apartment, out of the complex, he did all this mechanically, having memorized the route and how many steps to take before the stairs, stopping, or opening a door, doing everything just like a puppet, controlled by a puppeteer.

Though he had heard that family always loved each other, that kind of unconditional love he couldn't understand, he never thought that he and his grandmother would fit that definition. Maybe deep down he understood that his grandmother loved him, but even if he did, he would have thought it was because she _had_ to because she didn't want to be a _bad_ person. It was genuine, but it was forced. It never occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, his grandmother did love him on her own will completely, genuinely, utterly. Maybe she did care for him and distanced herself to protect him, not herself.

He felt everything he had known was flipped upside down. It sounded extreme but it really wasn't; he felt lost. He had lived on the fact that his grandmother didn't love him and so he tried to fill the void of familial love by excelling in everything, telling himself that if he made her proud, she'd love him. Thinking back, maybe it was because he loved her too, so he strived for that acknowledgment.

But if he didn't' need to prove himself to her, then what was the point of putting himself through law?

He paused at the curb, almost laughing dryly. Because he realized it didn't matter if she loved him or not. He always wanted to prove himself to her, which was why he tried so hard. If she didn't love him, then it was to earn her love. If she did love him, then it was to make her prouder and to give her reasons for her love because Sasori hated not having reasons, one reason why law actually did appeal to him. He chuckled lowly, earning odd looks from people passing by. So it all boiled down to the fact that he did love his bat of a grandmother, the evil hag that was set out to make his life as a law student horrible. Familial love knew no ends or reasons, it existed with no logic.

And in the end, because he loved her, he wanted to make her proud, and he would make himself do anything to make her proud of him. Top of the class wasn't enough; he had to prove that he could do absolutely anything that he wanted to, even if he hated it so much.

Looking up, he saw his apartment complex, and was surprised that he was able to navigate his way back home while being completely out of it. Walking up the stairs, he felt a wrenching in his heart and smirked. He began to understand Deidara; once the decision was made, really, there was nothing he could do about it.

**-X-x-X-**

"I'm going to resume law school."

Deidara couldn't say he was surprised, but he certainly was disappointed. Putting down the ball of clay he had been messing around with as he read his textbook, he spun around on his chair and saw Sasori standing at his doorway, hands in his pockets as he leaned against the door, having moved from the living room to his bedroom sometime while Sasori was out. The door had opened and he heard someone enter, and assumed it was Sasori. He looked so much better: skin not as pale, no bags, eyes had light in them. This was a new Sasori, one that was happy and not pressured, and Deidara didn't want him to go back to school. But it wasn't his place to stop him, especially not after starting medical school again. The blonde shrugged, half smiling. "Hope you know what you're getting yourself into, un. At least I'll get a good salary. Heard lawyers have a shit salary compared to how much they have to work."

Sasori laughed dryly. "We both know it's not just about the money."_ We both seek someone else's approval._

Blue eyes looked up to meet the hazel ones. "You're sure about this, un?" _I don't want you to go through what I'm going through because I care about you._

Hazel ones looked confident in contrast to the underlying sadness in the azure ones. "I'm positive. It was just a break, after all."_ I can't stay happy forever without working for it._

The blonde sighed, looking up wearily, whether from the knowledge that an argument would be pointless or his studies, Sasori didn't know. "You going back to go tell her now, un?" _Are you going to reconsider it at all?_

"Yeah."_ No._

"Bring back dinner, un. Chinese."_ I really wish you weren't doing this._

"All right."_ I know._

Sasori pushed himself off the door and disappeared, the closing of the door alerting Deidara that he was gone. Turning around, he tried to resume studying, but found he couldn't; his conversation with Sasori kept repeating in his head. So many unsaid words seemed to have been exchanged in that conversation and the more he thought about it, the angrier he got. Finally, out of a fit of frustration, he threw his clay at the wall, the force leaving a dent. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself.

_Why are you going back?_ he couldn't help but think bitterly, _Doesn't my obvious depression from forcing myself into medical school remind you of how you felt? You don't have to sacrifice your own happiness to have your grandmother be proud of you. I don't want you to be caged, because I care about you and I wouldn't wish this fate upon anyone. Danna, you don't have to force yourself to meet anyone's approvals or expectations. I swear, you are fine just the way you are, and if someone doesn't think you're enough, then fuck them, because you fucking __**are.**_

He wished he said that, a speech full of his true emotions. Maybe that would have gotten through to him, because if Deidara had the guts to say that, he would have ended it with "because I'm madly in love with you and I've got no idea why and what I'm going to do about it except I'm not going to let you torture yourself again."

He fell quietly into love instead of tripping like he did into infatuation. Or maybe he skipped the infatuation phase all together. Or he fell in love at the light of speed. Whatever it was, he knew that on the first day all they were were strangers and now he was in love with him for whatever reasons, for however long. He could try to make a timeline of it. Identify the first time he realized he liked him, then identify the falling into the pit, to now, when he was officially at the bottom, standing on a edge, trying not to fall even deeper and lose himself permanently.

But the truth was the truth, Deidara mused, sighing and keeping his eyes closed, reveling in the silence. But voices were everywhere, feelings were everywhere and he could escape from them. If he opened his eyes he would see nothing but keeping them closed he felt and heard everything, being suffocated by the invisible, by his subconscious, by the stifling of emotions.

_I'm never going to understand any of this,_ he thought bitterly. Opening his eyes he spun around and resumed studying, using it as a distraction from everything else. But he couldn't get it out of his mind and words about the human anatomy kept slipping out of his mind, being replaced by other thoughts. _I don't understand him, the idiot. I don't understand myself, the bigger idiot. I don't understand crap and I don't like it. I'm supposed to be smart. I should be able to figure out everything. _

_ How can I be in love with a stubborn ass like him?_

_ Fuck this._

_ I wish I was a hobo again._

**-X-x-X-**

Deidara would be disappointed that they had no egg rolls, Sasori thought dryly as he walked up to Chiyo's room again. Chinatown was further down and so he went there first, for purely logical reasons and not because he wanted to put this off. Because he made this choice, so he should have absolutely no regrets about it.

But as he trudged upstairs, each stair was higher and took more effort to climb. His palms were getting sweaty and he actually hoped his grip on the hand railing would slip or he would drop the Chinese takeout, giving him a reason to leave. But neither happened and he cursed his lack of misfortune, making it safely to Chiyo's floor and entering her apartment.

Chiyo would be angry that Sasori made her house smell like Chinese, Sasori thought dryly and had to suppress his smirk as he opened the door. As he had expected, his grandmother's nose wrinkled immediately and looked around irritably until her beady eyes landed on him and for once in her life, she actually looked surprised.

"Sasori? Do you need something else?"

He opened his mouth but no words came out.

**Author's Notes: I think by now you can tell I'm **_**really **_**bad at side pairings; I focus on the main pairing and forget about them, so that's why I stuck that KakuHida scene in there, just because I had said there would be KakuHida in this story, so there it is! And I'm starting to feel that I'm rushing into the falling in love… but if I go at the same pace I did to make them like each other, this story could easily drag out to thirty or forty chapters and never finish. So it's time to make things go along a bit.**

**The number of hits for this chapter is the most interesting of any story. It goes up and down… do you guys read certain chapters because the titles are more interesting? Hahaha. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you for reading, please review!**


	14. you, me, alcohol, the truth

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter fourteen: you, me, alcohol, the truth.**_

_Say it._

_ What are you waiting for?_

_ This is why you're here, isn't it?_

_ Say it._

_ You're fixing what's wrong because of the brat._

_ What's the matter with you?_

"Sasori? Are you all right?"

The redhead was brought back into reality and blinked, his vision immediately clearing and focusing on his grandmother, an unnatural look of worry gracing her usually passive features. When he realized he couldn't speak, it was like he shut down. Distantly, he saw himself here, trying to speak, but where he was, where his mind was, was back in the apartment, watching Deidara working on _art_ and not schoolwork, being _happy_ and not miserable, realizing what he was giving up for what he hated. It was like he was reminiscing, pining for something that was lost: a happy, calm, genuine, trusting relationship between the two, where arguments over Chinese or pizza were the most annoying in their day, when feelings weren't complicated and mind boggling, when he could look at Deidara and not want to hurl.

Clenching his fists, he sighed and looked down, shaking, willing himself to push those thoughts away. That was the past and the past was the past for a reason; it should not be repeated and it was just another experience for him. Now the experience was over and it was back to his normal life.

When he looked up again, the Sasori that Chiyo had seen earlier that evening was gone. The faint smile in his eyes and the genuine, slight curvature of his lips, the light aura that surrounded him was gone. He had changed but whatever happened from when he left to now, he reverted back to his cold, emotionless self. His eyes were dead and his face showed no signs of smiling; this was the person that she had known her entire life, the person that aced her classes and secretly gloated about it. This was the person she knew and she was, quite honestly, disappointed to see him again. She thought that by pushing him so hard she was doing him something good, but after seeing what would happen if she released her grip, she saw that he found genuine happiness, or at least a taste of it. Now he was coming back under her grasp and she didn't want him to; she wanted him to be happy. So before he even spoke, before his unsmiling lips moved, she knew what he was going to say. And she also knew her answer.

"Chiyo-baachan, I'm resuming law school."

Running her eyes over him surreptitiously again, she wondered what could have changed. Same hair, same brown eyes, same face, same clothes. Maybe it was a hunch or the way he carried himself now; he had smiled, he actually _smiled,_ earlier, something she hadn't seen in so long. It was like he had relaxed, the strings that controlled him were loosened. And now they were retightened: the smile was gone, the warmth faded, and his black and white view on things back.

Part of her wanted to deny him; she could, couldn't she? Not only was she his grandmother and, technically, still his legal guardian, but she was also his professor and she could easily tell him he couldn't return because he had missed too many days or was too disrespectful; she had a plethora reasons of which she could use, but couldn't find it within herself to use any of them. Because no matter what, she would want to satisfy his wishes because that was the least she could do, even wishes that she felt wouldn't help him.

"Monday," she answered, nodding and looking just as serious as he was, "I'll see you then, Sasori. You'll find more practice tests on the dining room table on your way out."

"Thank you." Words of gratitude were spoken with no emotion as he left, closing the door behind him, until it was almost completely closed. A few moments of later, she heard the shuffling of some papers and then another door close and Chiyo signed again, frowning.

_I hope you find your happiness._

**-X-x-X-**

_I hope you find your happiness._

Those were the first words Deidara thought when he heard Sasori come back. He got up and left his room, heading over to the kitchen table where Sasori was laying out their dinner quietly. He saw the new practice tests and grimaced, but said nothing, knowing nothing he would say would change Sasori's mind. He watched Sasori take out the white boxes and plastic containers with food, never once looking up to look at him and still saying nothing.

"No egg rolls, un?" Deidara asked, clearing his throat.

Sasori smirked, Deidara cringed at that, missing the soft, serene smiles. "No, sorry."

As he moved about the kitchen, getting chopsticks and bowls, Deidara gripped the edge of the counter as he listened to the sounds of cupboards and drawers being opened and closed, a silence that was heavy in the air. "You know danna," he blurted out and the fact that Sasori didn't even turn around at the outburst irritated him more, "You're changing back already, un."

He set a bowl down in front of him as well as a pair of chopsticks and began opening the containers. "I don't know what you're talking about." He didn't even look up and his tone didn't even change. In the past few weeks, Sasori would have looked up or acknowledged that he said something, but this was the Sasori he knew when he first moved in: robotic, cold, distant. When Sasori smiled for the first time that night in the tent, Deidara felt he had made such a huge break through, coaxing Sasori's humane side out of his cold shell. But he had retreated now, locked his heart up, and probably fed the key to some stray animal.

"You're not smiling anymore, un."

"Nothing to smile about."

"You're emotionless again, un."

"Was I ever like Tobi?"

"You're… not happy again, un."

To this, Sasori had no immediate response, and Deidara thought he actually got through with him until the redhead looked up, scowling. "What I feel is none of your concern, brat. Eat."

"If you're doing this to get back at me for what I did to you, it's…"

"It's not about you. _Shut up and eat._"

Deidara scowled but nonetheless picked up the chopsticks and stabbed angrily at the chicken in the white carton, stuffing it in his mouth and chewing viciously as Sasori calmly ate, hiding his annoyance. He pressed his thumb against his chopsticks and rubbed it back and forth, a quiet outlet for his current frustration. He wondered how long it would be until one of them cracked; surely it wasn't possible for both of them to keep their tempers in check for the whole duration of a meal.

And then suddenly Deidara slammed his bowl down, causing it to break and rice flew everywhere, a single grain landing on the redhead's cheek. Feeling his roommate's blue eyes on him, he calmly brushed it off and resumed eating as if nothing had happened, keeping his eyes focused on his food, pretending Deidara didn't exist. Which, as expected, Deidara did not appreciate.

"Fuck you, douchebag." And with those parting words, the blonde turned on his heel and stomped into his room, a deafening thud and the click of a lock telling Sasori everything he needed to know. The redhead rolled his eyes and glanced distastefully at the mess Deidara had left behind. Not only were their broken shards on the table and on the ground but grains of rice were also mixed in among them. He sighed and carefully stepped over them, retrieving a pair of slippers from the shoe cupboard. Since Deidara broke the bowl, he'd have to clean it up. Frankly, Sasori didn't want his feet to bleed but he could really care less if Deidara's did.

He returned to the kitchen and picked up his practice tests, flipping through them after he put down his bowl and sighed, a strange combination of relaxation and dread overtaking him. Flipping through these made him feel so secure because this was a routine he was used to. Seeing these familiar terms and the scenarios; the multiple choice letters, everything was like second nature and it came back without too much difficulty. But then the dread, the dread at having to do this again, giving up his art again, resuming what he hated again swelled up until he felt like it was going to burst.

But quickly he pushed the dread aside. After all, he chose to resume school and he would have to go through with it. He began to head towards his room when a sudden frantic knock at the door stopped him and he frowned, staring at it, a few moments of silence elapsing before the knocking resumed. Sighing in annoyance, he walked over and yanked it open, narrowly avoiding the person's knuckles being rapped on his forehead.

"Yes?" he asked irritably, glaring at the visitor who blinked and suddenly jumped at his tone, looking bashful. He recognized her suddenly as Ino; if it wasn't the obnoxious knocking, it would have been the blue eyes and blonde hair.

"S-sorry, Sasori!" Sasori?, he wanted to ask, since when were they on a first name basis? Had they even _spoken_? "Is Deidara here?"

"Room," he answered curtly, stiffening at the mention of the other more annoying blonde and turned around, stalking off to his room and leaving the girl standing in the door way confused. She frowned and took off her shoes, shifting the book in her arms uncomfortably and closed the door behind her. Sasori was pretty cute, she mused to herself, but definitely not her type. For one thing, he probably wouldn't like going shopping with her. And for another…

"Deidara!"

She was so sure that her brother had a thing for him and therefore she could not.

Deidara jumped slightly and turned around, blinking and staring at her as if completely confused. "…Hi, un?"

"Yes, hi!" she grinned and walked over, sitting down on his bed and opening the textbook she had lugged over here with her, "Do you have any spare time right now? I really don't get any of this stuff about muscles…"

"Yeah, sure," he said and pushed himself away from his desk rolling over to her. That was one thing she always liked about him, how he would almost always put down what he was doing if she needed help. She knew not to abuse it, yet she abused it anyway because that's what little sisters did. "Oh yeah," she piped up as she was flipping through her book, looking for the page, "So Sasori let me in. He's pleasant, isn't he?"

She didn't fail to notice the instant darkening of her brother's expression. "Really pleasant, un."

"Are you guys fighting or something?" she asked lightly, laughing lightly at his surprised and slightly terrified look, which she waved off carelessly, "Girls can sense these kinds of things. So you are then?" He didn't answer and Ino knew not to prod; as patient as he was with her, the one thing he absolutely couldn't stand was being prodded into giving an answer. If he wanted to answer he would, but she'd have to wait for it. And if he didn't, well, then she wouldn't because she respected his sense of privacy.

But she really hoped he'd tell her.

"Kind of," he said finally and said nothing more, to which Ino was slightly disappointed but accepted.

"Sasori's cute, isn't he?" she asked brightly, smiling slightly, "He looks like a kid!"

"He's annoying as hell, un." Ino took a quick glance up and saw that although Deidara looked angry and was scowling, the lightest of blushes tinged his cheeks. He seemed to sense her and his eyes met hers and he coughed to hide his embarrassment, but his cheeks turned slightly pinker. "It's warm in here, isn't it?"

"Mhm," she said softly, looking back down, finally locating the page but didn't read from it. To be honest, even though she was having severe issues with biology, that wasn't the reason she came here. She knew she didn't need an excuse but at the same time she would feel like an intruder if she came over for the sole purpose of hanging out. In her mind, she had associated Sasori and Deidara together, not liking others to interrupted, just like she and Sakura didn't like when random people barged in for no reason. It was really weird how she associated them, considering she barely knew Sasori. But every time she and Deidara spoke, he'd always mention Sasori once or twice, and so Ino had grown accustomed to knowing him even if she didn't know him.

What she really wanted to do was see how Deidara was coping with medical school again. She couldn't help but jabber to everyone she knew happily about her brother, the genius Iwa Deidara, who had returned as one of the best students after taking a year off, bragging not to make herself seem smarter (she knew that was impossible) but because she was proud of him.

She had hoped to see him happy, well, as happy as a med student could be. But when she came in, while she didn't see anger and sadness, she didn't sense that excitement or happiness that she thought she would have. Excitement for the second chance, happiness because this would help provide him with a happy future. If anything it was a slight air of fatigue and futility, like he didn't enjoy it but was making himself do it. Which she found ludicrous—wasn't this what he wanted?

_Or is this what you wanted for him?_

The thought struck her suddenly, right before she sat down. All her life she felt as if she had taken advantage of him, knowing that he cared for her and would do anything for her. And she used that to her advantage, whether it was for money or an excuse to skip school. She had never thought twice about it, taking advantage of her brother's kindness; in fact, it actually made her feel powerful. Because Deidara was not a pushover; he was stubborn and known for that in school. But when it came to her he was overprotective but was basically wrapped around her pinky. And that made her feel sick because she loved him but didn't want him to feel that she was using him.

She genuinely thought that med school was the best route for him because he was good at it, he could make it, and he would have a good, stable career and a future. Wasn't that what he wanted?

"So," she hesitated then looked up slowly, "Are… are you enjoying med school?"

He opened his mouth to say no, he hated it and wished he never resumed but saw her expression and immediately shook his head and smiled softly. "No one ever enjoys school," he answered and she laughed lightly. He felt like he had lost an opportunity to tell her how he really felt about this; it was like she had given him a window to get out of this but he lost his nerve, seeing her nervous face, like she was afraid that she had forced him into something he didn't want.

Which she did. But he didn't want to tell her that, not in that kind of a manner, because he hated being the reason for her feeling uncomfortable or upset with herself. Besides, he reasoned with himself, he could survive these next four years. All he had really lost was Sasori's trust but kept Ino's love. That was worth it.

Wasn't it?

_"You are not as important to me as Ino. I will always choose her over you, un."_

Words that at one point seemed to easy to say and logic behind them was clear cut became fuzzy. Because family ties were the most important things in one life, yet Deidara was having such huge regrets about saying those words to Sasori, the hurt expression on the redhead's face was one that he would never forget. He always thought he would always, always, _always_ choose Ino over someone, anyone, everyone. But he didn't want to lose Sasori but he couldn't lose Ino, he didn't want Sasori gone but he couldn't have Ino gone.

It was a war between what he wanted and what he needed; he wanted Sasori but he needed Ino in his life.

Unless… he needed both?

But that was frankly impossible. One required a time machine and losing Ino and the other meant losing Sasori. And he felt that even though he had gone with what Ino wanted and lost Sasori, eventually he'd lose Ino too somehow, somewhere along the line because of another stupid mistake. What he needed was like oil and water; they'd always clash and would never mix, but he needed both yet they wouldn't cooperate.

He remembered always scoffing at the stupid sayings Ino used to cut out and tape onto her wall back in high school, her favorite being "sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest." He would always roll his eyes as he stood at her door frame, telling her that she should just do the right thing because she didn't she'd just have hell to pay later. To which she always got angry and threw some kind of hard object at him, either resulting in a speedy getaway or a nasty bruise.

But now he saw the point in that, except both decisions were hard to do and he didn't know which one was right. It was almost like mind versus heart; his mind told him to choose Ino because she was family but his heart kept tugging at Sasori because despite the fights and the intense annoyance that Deidara harbored, he couldn't help but be attracted to him, wanting only what was best for him (Deidara couldn't believe he was thinking such disgustingly mushy and cliché phrases.)

"I'm fine," he repeated again, slowly as if convincing himself more than Ino and gave her a soft smile after a hesitant pause, "It's just tiring, but any kind of schooling is, un."

"You're not mad at me, right?" she asked, her baby blue eyes crinkled into worry, "I didn't force you into doing this?"

"Of course not," his darker, cerulean eyes were kind, clouding what his mind was really saying, "It was my own decision."

They stared at each other in silence, evoking a similar calm expression but their insides were turmoil. One wondered if she ruined the other's life, the other wondered if she really still was the most important person in his life. Deep insecurities that if surfaced would cause chaos, so they were kept on the inside and suppressed with every inch of will because some things are just better left untold.

"Iwa."

"Huh?" both blondes turned to the door to face a startled looking Sasori for a moment before he realized his error and rolled his eyes irritably. "The girl."

"Oh, un."

"Yeah?" she turned to him, finding it rather charming that he addressed her as "the girl" for some odd reason. "Oh yeah, my last name's Yamanaka. I took our mother's name and he took our father's," she motioned towards Deidara. Sasori rolled his eyes, making it obvious he didn't quite care about the naming in the Iwa-Yamanaka family.

"Some Hyuuga girl needs you," he said simply before he turned and left, retreating back to his study. Ino sighed and stood up, closing her textbook and turning to Deidara, grinning goofily.

"Looks like not much biology got done… Hinata probably needs to work on some project with me. Thanks for uh… letting me sit on your bed!" she laughed, feeling slightly more relaxed when she heard him laugh too. The same laugh, slightly more tired and faint sounding, but still the same laugh. She waved goodbye and turned, telling him there was no need to send her off, closing almost the door entirely behind her. After a few moments, Deidara heard her say hi to Hinata and after a few more words, the front door opened and closed and silence pervaded again.

He thought he had called him Iwa.

That was scary as hell, Deidara thought, heart racing as he tapped his pencil against his palm, frowning. From what he knew, Sasori called him 'brat' when he was in a good mood, normal mood, or irritated mood. He was addressed as 'Deidara' when Sasori was angry at him. But 'Iwa'… that was new. Even if he had meant it at Ino, Deidara wondered what he'd have to do to be addressed as 'Iwa.' Probably something really bad.

Sighing, he focused on his textbooks again, pushing thoughts of Sasori out of his head, even though it was difficult. It was just like when he was upset; he found solace in doing homework and preoccupying himself with something else. Whenever he thought about Sasori, it usually ended with feelings that certainly weren't happy, and so he immersed himself in the human anatomy. Good for his studies, bad for the fact that he needed to deal with these stupid feelings.

_I don't think you'll ever know how much I care for you._

**-X-x-X-**

_I don't think you'll ever know how much I care for you._

Sasori sighed and suddenly ran his fingers through his head, messing up the already untidy hair and his brown eyes scowled, finding he couldn't concentrate no matter how hard he was thinking. Seeing Ino made him angry at her, because this was the girl that not only was the reason for Deidara's deception but was the reason why Deidara was also forcing himself to go through with med school. And yet he still thought of her so highly, willing to put what she wanted over himself. Sasori had never felt that strong compassion towards anyone before and was skeptical, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, he was beginning to understand it now, how one would sacrifice things for the person he cared so much about.

Deidara was probably the first person that Sasori ever even spoke to again after a huge deception like that and even if the blonde didn't know it, it was a big deal. He was lucky Sasori didn't evict him and get a restraining order; something that sounds exaggerated but was actually close to the truth. Even if it wasn't a formal restraining order, Deidara certainly would have trouble getting close or much less talking to Sasori.

But the redhead "forgave" him because he liked him very much and couldn't stand the idea to not speak to him again. Not so much for his own feelings as for Deidara's. No matter how angry or how annoyed Sasori was, the idea of Deidara being so torn up over something, especially something Sasori could control, would twist and make Sasori feel guilty. And, being a lawyer-to-be, he hated feeling guilty.

Sighing again, he abandoned his studies temporarily and retrieved a clean sheet of computer paper, uncapping a pen with his teeth and boldly writing "THE RESULTS OF FEELINGS OF INFATUATION" on top and underlining it once in perfect handwriting. From there he drew two angled lines (both were ninety degrees, of course) and wrote "pursue them" and "abandon them" before stopping and frowning.

Relationships ended in one of the three following manners: death, divorce, or break up. None of them were particularly appealing, but it was the truth; that's how every relationship ended. Either the two participants of said relationship stayed in love but their relationship was ended because of a death, or they fell out of love and simply broke up or, if married, divorced. When Sasori saw the happy couples talking excitedly about their futures, he rolled his eyes. The immediate may be a happy thought but, really, the future is rather depressing.

He decided to complete diagramming "abandon them" first because he felt that would be much shorter. And he was right, because under that he drew only one line and wrote "eventually get over it and move on with life." He stopped to think if anything else could happen but decided nothing would so moved over to the other possibility which proved to have several more outcomes.

"Don't tell him" which would lead to "find out if he has feelings" which would lead to success or failure.

"Tell him" which would also lead to success or failure.

But this diagram was far too simple because, according to this, everything as perfectly linear and would go exactly according to plan. What about jealousy? What about the desire to stay friends? What about the fact that Sasori didn't trust Deidara? All these could be potential obstacles that Sasori had no idea how to diagram. He scowled and took the piece of paper and folded it up neatly into fourths before ripping it up into fourths as well (his OCD was so prevalent that he hardly noticed it and did things like that mindlessly) and dropped it neatly into the waste bin next to him.

Sasori believed in logic and precision, but was also smart enough to acknowledge that some things just didn't _fit_ into linear paths. That's why the subjects he enjoyed were the maths and, usually, sciences and the subjects he didn't enjoy so much were literature and, except the timelines, history. He was good at all of them, certainly, but those minute tenth-of-a-percent differences were attributed simply to his willingness to listen in class.

One thing Sasori liked about the linearity of subjects such as math and science was that it was so predictable and if he repeated it he would get the same result. Something about the unknown terrified him because he didn't like surprises. He didn't like to be caught off guard, essentially. And Sasori thought this was some kind of a prodigy thing; since he was used to knowing everything, he hated not knowing. But then there was Deidara who was a prodigy as well, or at least very smart, who seemed to hate rules, hate boundaries, hate the expected and loved adventure, loved suspense, loved surprises.

The main attribute that Sasori had associated with Deidara was his loudness and the absence of sound in the apartment right now reminded him of how things had changed so suddenly. The Deidara he first met and the Deidara he knew now were so different, yet his feelings didn't change and didn't waver. Medical school or not, happy or not, stupid as always, he still liked him much more than he ever thought and never dreamed.

_He owes me rent,_ Sasori thought suddenly, blinking, _It has been way more than three months now. I should go ask for it or threaten to evict him._

The redhead stood up suddenly, feeling unnaturally energized and almost nervous to talk to the blonde. Then he sat down suddenly, scowling, realizing he felt like a school girl excited to talk to her crush. _Pathetic. I'm pathetic. I'll just kick him out without notice._

But as he said that, he knew he was lying. He didn't have the heart to kick Deidara out into the streets for something as stupid as rent after all they've been through. He didn't want Deidara to leave, a paradoxical feeling to wanting Deidara far, far away from him. Besides, money was a trite matter. Even if Sasori didn't live luxuriously, his bank account said otherwise. Deidara would probably faint if he ever found out just how much money Sasori had; thanks to his frugal lifestyle and antisocialness, he had saved up quite a bit.

The redhead rested his chin in his palm with his elbow on top of his study materials, eyes looking at the waste bin that contained the remnants of his earlier diagram. Mentally, he added another possibly route.

_Go back in time and never develop said feelings._

**-X-x-X-**

"I am so happy for you two!"

Itachi looked over in disguised irritation, hearing Konan's joyous squeal into the phone, a wide grin present on the bubbly female's face. The Uchiha sighed impatiently and rolled his eyes, tapping the end of his pencil irritably against the table to remind Konan of what they were doing. He wondered why he had been dragged into this—after all, wasn't Pein the _boyfriend_? Besides, what business did Konan have enlisting someone in _business school_ to help with a thesis for a history PhD?

"So so so can I follow you?"

Itachi actually sweat dropped at Konan's lack of knowledge that stalking was discreet. He watched her expression and smirked when it fell, figuring that Kakuzu had expected exactly as Itachi expected: with disgust. Sighing disheartedly, the blue haired girl said her goodbyes and hung up, frowning. Her brown eyes flicked up to Itachi, and instantly brightened up. "They got together!"

"I'm well aware judging by your reaction."

"Isn't it wonderful?" she continued gushing, clasping her hands together and looking upwards with stars in her eyes, "Now next would be Sasori and Deidara… I mean, they like each other, right? I'm not crazy? I know they do… yes, definitely. Sasori's never hung around with someone this long before except us and he hasn't drugged Deidara in his sleep, hey did you know that Sasori was extremely good at chemistry back in undergrad? Yeah, he could basically make something more powerful than arsenic from scratch… it's…" she paused, her expression turning odd, "…Actually, that's kind of disturbing. But anyway, I'm totally surprised he's not a med student, but I guess that's because Chiyo-san is a law professor so Sasori's on that track but I'm sure he would excel at anything he did!"

In all the years of living that Uchiha Itachi had experienced, the ability of a girl to keep talking about nothing never ceased to amaze him.

"You know Sasori's trust is really hard to gain? I think Deidara actually gained it… even momentarily. I mean, now that he's lost it I doubt Sasori will ever trust him again but just the fact that he trusted Deidara for a few days even is _major_!"

How the hell did Pein cope with this girl? This seemingly mature (at times) graduate student was reverting into a high school freshman. All she needed was a disgustingly short skirt and gum to smack and then Itachi would chuck her out the window and pretend it was an accident so Pein wouldn't kill him.

"So anyway, about the Russo-Japanese War…"

And now she just changed topics again. Itachi's head was starting to spin.

_Wait,_ he realized suddenly, _She went from those two idiots to the other two idiots… did she completely forget about us?_ And suddenly, he became irritated; genuinely irritated, because Uchiha Itachi was _never forgotten_. As a Uchiha, he just _commanded_ attention. He walked into a room and without even meaning to, everyone stopped what he was doing to pay attention to him. Uchiha Itachi wasn't ignored. He just wasn't. Just _no._

As Konan began talking about the war and something about casualties numbers, Itachi came as close to scowling without moving his face as possible. Not about to lose Konan's attention for dead people and numbers (no disrespect meant for those who died in the war), he pulled out his phone and pretended to check it, clearing his throat to get Konan's attention.

"Ah, Kisame says he's hungry. He requires my presence for lunch."

"Sounds great!" she said absentmindedly, never taking her eyes off her textbook and papers, to which Itachi once again microscopically scowled it.

"And… then he wishes to return to our dorm. To… study."

"Mm. Studious as always, huh?"

Konan could feel Itachi's death glare on her but refused to acknowledge it, pretending to write down whatever. Lucky for her, everyone knew her handwriting was terrible when she was writing notes for herself so she literally just wrote gibberish and squiggles, knowing Itachi wouldn't catch on. He sighed, murmuring that he had to go and stood up, pushing the chair in like the gentleman he was before leaving. As he stalked out, Konan smirked, leaning forward against her palm and biting the end of her pencil thoughtfully, finally abandoning the work she hadn't been thinking about anyway.

"I knew pretending to ignore him would make him get a move on," she said softly with a satisfied tone and pulled out her phone, creating a new message to Pein.

_I told you I was smart! –Konan_

A few seconds later, the reply came back.

_Please don't hurt Itachi. He's actually a friend of mine._

**-X-x-X-**

"You. Me. Vodka. Empty stomachs."

"You went five words without grunting. Impressive."

When the door was thrown open and Sasori felt himself being pulled away (his chair was the kind that rolled) he simply grabbed the practice test he was working on and continued to work on it as Deidara rolled him into the living room. Judging by the staggering of the blonde's steps and seeing the shot glasses and bottle already on the table, Sasori figured the blonde was probably already slightly intoxicated.

Stopping the chair by the couch, Deidara then moved past and poured some of the vodka into the two shot glasses, offering one to Sasori. The redhead stared at it for a few minutes then sighed and took it, knowing it was probably the least he could do. That and Deidara grabbed his study materials and threw them over the couch, landing with a loud thud on the wooden floor several feet away.

"You haven't eaten all day, right?"

"Well, there was that fail dinner. But that was four hours ago. You lose your impediment when you're drunk? Odd."

"Drink," he commanded and downed his glass in one gulp. Sighing, Sasori followed suit and regretted it.

It wasn't the taste that it was bad; the fact that the taste wasn't terrible told Sasori this was good vodka and he suddenly wondered how Deidara got it. But it was the fact that the minute it hit his stomach, he felt his head spin momentarily. Sasori had always been good with liquor, being able to be the only sober one at drunk parties he was dragged to. But this was a whole bottle of vodka on an empty stomach after Sasori hadn't seriously gone drinking in a while.

"What's the point of this?" he asked, holding his glass out obediently as Deidara poured him another glass. He saw down on the couch and stared at Sasori, who sighed and moved over off his chair, knowing better than to try to fight an already on-his-way-to-total-intoxication Deidara. The blonde sighed, sniffing the glass before looking up at Sasori, smirking.

"I'm not drunk, in case you were wondering. I can control the 'un', you know. It's just too much of a hassle to when there really isn't anything wrong with it. Just messing with you," he added, seeing Sasori's scowl. He swirled the drink around in his shot glass, smiling slightly. "And I'm bored. Even if we're never going to be friends again…" he paused to drink his glass, wincing slightly and coughing before he resumed talking, "Just one more time. Like on the night of your birthday."

"We're still friends," Sasori murmured, drinking his own and letting Deidara refill his glass (that was a huge bottle of vodka), "Don't be so sentimental, brat."

Rolling his eyes, Deidara shook his head. "Never like before. Okay, here are the rules. If I drink, you drink and with each drink we say something honest about ourselves. No need to talk about how personal each will get because the drunker we get the more personal it'll get by itself, un."

"Hey, you grunted."

"Ah. Shit," Deidara drank again, "One out of twenty, since we just had four and I had one earlier just to try this stuff. I really do lose my speech impediment when I get drunk."

Sasori smirked, tipping his head back and feeling the alcohol slide down his throat. "Two out of twenty. I have OCD."

"Never would've guessed," Deidara muttered, laughing at Sasori's glare and took another drink. "Three out of twenty, un. I actually let Ino dress me up as a girl once. When I was seven. Because she threw scary ass temper tantrums as a four year old."

"That's pathetic," Sasori smirked, narrowly avoiding a kick from Deidara's foot and drank again, starting to feel the wooziness kick in, "Four out of twenty. I may or may not have married a kid in preschool because I needed the red crayon."

Deidara didn't speak, as his eyes were wide and he was gawking, so Sasori took that as a request to elaborate. "I was working on a drawing and I needed red to blend with yellow to get the orange that isn't available as a crayon. And so this girl had it, but she refused to give it to me unless I married her. Thus, I married her because I already knew how to get a divorce as soon as possible. And because she would probably marry the next boy that gave her his apple juice during nap time." Sasori wasn't sure why he was suddenly able to feel so casual around Deidara and tell him these random things. He definitely wasn't drunk yet, but maybe it was because, like Deidara, he missed their friendship. They used to be able to do something like this without alcohol but now they required the alcohol for anything resembling a normal friendship. Sasori knew that he would do anything to get that easy, carefree friendship back; anything except forgive him.

"Shit, man. You got hitched?"

"…In kindergarten." Sasori realized that Deidara was getting drunk but, to be fair, so was he. He was stringing together several words for sentence which was an extremely rare occurrence for him.

"Damn, Sasori no danna. Damn," Deidara nodded and drank again, "Five out of twenty. I blew up an ant hill by accident and scared the shit out of Ino when I went home and shook my hair and ants came flying out at her. I still don't think she's forgiven me completely, un."

"You're a horrible brother," Sasori sighed, noting the Deidara's grunts were growing far apart and his eyes were starting to look glassed over but still alert, "Six out of twenty. I once got incredibly angry at a teacher for giving me an unfair grade on a paper so I hacked his personal Facebook, found evidence of him not illegal stuff, and hacked his school email and sent them to everyone. He got fired."

"So… what grade did you get on this paper?" Deidara asked, wondering how low Sasori could actually go.

"Ninety." He said this with a straight face.

"…Right. I'll never cross you again," Deidara muttered, laughing as Sasori shrugged, smirking. "Seven out of twenty. My parents died before I could tell them I was bi. But Ino figured it out."

"Because you let her dress you up as a girl multiple times?"

"Shut up, Akasuna, un. Only that one time. And no, she said she saw me flirting with guys. I didn't even _know_ I was flirting, for Christ's sake."

Sasori rolled his eyes and shook his head, taking another sip; this alcohol was starting to get to him for real. "Eight out of twenty. I don't think my grandmother cares what I prefer in one's pants." To which Deidara snorted and nearly spilled his entire glass of vodka. Sasori couldn't help but actually laugh, which made Deidara pause and smile genuinely.

"Nine out of twenty. I fuck more often than I get fucked."

"Ten out of twenty. I only fuck."

"So you're an ass virgin?"

"I believe so."

"Would you like that to be changed?"

"No."

"Ah. Worth a try," Deidara shrugged, to which Sasori smirked again at. It occurred to both of them that they were acting like closer friends than they ever had and were more comfortable with each other, as well as saying things they really never would have said otherwise. But they had more than five shots of vodka each already on an empty stomach, and even the most stoic were susceptible to the dangers of being drunk. "Eleven out of twenty. People tend to forget I'm really smart."

"I'm sure your arrogance never goes unnoticed," Sasori remarked dryly, receiving the middle finger from the blonde, "Twelve out of twenty. The only reason I would study in school is so I can answer people's questions so they couldn't gloat that I didn't know something even if they didn't. It makes me feel like I study for other people instead of myself but that's how life is, I suppose."

"Me too," Deidara said quietly and Sasori looked up in surprise, seeing the blonde look down into his shot glass contemplatively. "If I studied for myself I would've had so much more free time but I just gave a huge crap about what everyone else thought about me so I wasted time on that and stressing myself out unnecessarily. And then I thought I escaped that… well," he paused and laughed harshly, to which Sasori felt himself cringe because he didn't like it when Deidara's laugh had anything but joy, "I did. Now I actually have to study to keep my ass afloat. Oh right, thirteen out of twenty. Sometimes I don't believe that you can be truly happy in life."

"Really?" at this Sasori was surprised, sober enough to still rationalize. "Aren't you the advocator of pursuing happiness?" And it was true; he always believed that the reason for Deidara's abandoning medical school was because he had found true joy. But now looking at the sad smile, he realized that he hadn't found it, simply masking whatever pain he had been feeling.

"No," he shook his head, "I haven't. I acted like I did to convince you to do the same but… that was a douche bag move on my part. I was happy but it wasn't true joy because I'd still feel a pang when I thought about Ino and about what other people must think of me now. I pretended I didn't care but I do. You don't just stop caring what people think of you, it's impossible. True joy… I don't know if it exists because there's always, _always_ something that'll hold you back. It's a nice dream though. But unattainable. So might as well go back to medical school."

_So it wasn't just Ino._ Sasori nodded, staring at his vodka before drinking it, actually shuddering this time. "Fourteen out of twenty. For the longest time, I actually believed my grandmother wouldn't love me unless I followed her path. That if I was a big enough disappointment, she wouldn't love me because unconditional love was a myth. And since I was alone, I craved any kind of affection, knowing I wasn't completely alone in the world. And I guess it became habit to please her after that."

_Just how many insecurities are you hiding?_ Deidara took another shot. "Fifteen out of twenty. It may not seem like it, but I am so fucking thankful that I have Hidan, Kakuzu, and Pein as friends. Shit, without them, I don't know where I would be. And the people that I just met, like Konan and Itachi and Kisame and Zetsu. Even Tobi. I'm not good at showing that I appreciate them but I do."

Sasori ignored the fact that Deidara didn't list him and brushed it off. After all, after the way Sasori treated him, he was surprised Deidara was still willing to share an apartment with him. "Sixteen out of twenty. I swear to God, if we did this a few months ago, I would still be completely sober right now."

Deidara laughed, the kind that Sasori liked. Just a few more drinks and Deidara would be completely gone; Sasori could tell. His head seemed to be pounding but not in pain; he felt like he was floating. It had been a while since he had been this drunk and he forgot just how pleasant it was and why so many people in college used drinking to avoid real problems. Vodka was sloshing everywhere; obviously Deidara's coordination was beginning to be impacted.

"Seventeen out of twenty. I may or may not have stolen this from Kakuzu's cabinet for his most expensive wines and left a note apologizing."

"Eighteen out of twenty," Sasori smiled, taking his second to last shot, and when he looked up Deidara was staring at him, transfixed. He about to ask why when he remembered how Deidara said something about Sasori never smiling again, which made him smile even wider, even laughing slightly. "I am… actually really glad… that I met you," he admitted softly and seriously, looking up, "It may not seem like it but I really do like you." Those words carried so much more weight than what Deidara knew and Sasori had so much more to say but was growing tired, the alcohol draining away his energy, taking away his ability to form the right thoughts.

"Ah, last round," Deidara said, not saying anything about Sasori's last confession but the smile on his lips gave away his obvious contentment. "Nineteen out of twenty," he held up his glass and drank it for the final time, sighing deeply before speaking obviously completely drunk at this point, "You bastard, you stole what I was going to say. Out of all my friends, new and old, I'm the most appreciative for you, you violent douche bag fucker. I really don't know why I even like you this much and how I tolerate you or how you tolerate me. It's something that even I'll never figure out."

"Twenty out of twenty," he murmured, tilting his head back for the last time that night and his hand shook as he put the glass down on the table and leaned over, closer to Deidara. Deidara's eyes were fighting to stay awake but even if they could stay open permanently, the kid was long gone, off to fetch the massive headache bound to arrive tomorrow. The redhead brought a hand up to his head and pulled him towards him, lips mouthing "I really, really, really like you" before ghosting his lips over Deidara's, senses alert of what was happening but movement not controlled to stop it. The part, the rational part that was still so mad at Deidara was being silenced by drunken Sasori, who only knew that he _really _liked this person in his arms right now, so much so that he couldn't stay mad even though he had every reason to.

"Danna…" Sasori felt Deidara's lips curl up into a smile, his brilliant blue eyes closed and his breath not reeking with alcohol but sounded incredibly drunk. Sasori closed his eyes because keeping them open required far too much energy. Even their voices were softer now and speech slurred because it was hard to enunciate and speak at a normal volume.

"What?" Then again, Sasori was amazed he could even function right now. He felt tingly and not all completely from the alcohol. He felt Deidara relax and fall against him, his head resting on Sasori's shoulder. Deidara's forehead felt oddly cool against Sasori's neck, and he was glad that Deidara was drunk; otherwise the heartbeat would have been really hard to explain his way out of because it was way too fast for just drinking.

"Take me to bed."

**Author's Notes: My thought procession for this chapter was "okay I've got this" to "crap I'm stuck let's throw Ino in" to "aw I have to develop the ItaKisa thing" to "Sasori and Deidara need a heart to heart because they're supposed to be falling in love. But just doing it is out of character so I'll make them drunk" to "oh my God. I can update now. Hallelujah." Everything I know about vodka is what Google told me. Vodka (good vodka) is tasteless and odorless and a bottle of vodka typically has 25 or so ounces, which is just about 25 shots. Personally, I've never been drunk before, so not only do I not know how to type drunken characters but I also don't know the levels of progression of being drunk. And they are very, very out of character… but that was the point of the vodka, haha.**

**I now deeply apologize for the long delay and warn for possibly another long break because April is the month of intensive AP prep and making a decision about college. Come May 1, there will be two or three weeks of AP testing and then I'll be free. I thank you all deeply for being so patient and loyal readers; it really does mean a lot. Thank you so much. And I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	15. precious memory

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter fifteen: precious memory.**_

_"Take me to bed."_

Sasori obliged the order, standing up and hoisting Deidara up as well, the two of them stumbling awkwardly and obviously drunkenly towards Deidara's room. The redhead threw the blonde onto the bed and fell on top of him, the room spinning as he pushed himself up and stared at Deidara's face, unsure whether he was awake or not.

"I really, really, really like you," Sasori mumbled, brushing away a few strands of hair from Deidara's face, his eyes unable to focus, "And I don't know why and it's incredibly annoying and I don't like it. But you I do like. That I am quite aware of. For some odd reason. So are you awake?" Sasori realized he was rambling, sounding like an idiot as he stared at Deidara, expecting him to wake up any minute. Being so close to him was doing funny things to him; it was like this close contact with Deidara could easily replace alcohol for him. He stared at him for a few more moments, and leaned down, kissing him again, losing control. It wasn't like the first one but it still sent tingles, dulled by his obvious drunkenness, down his spine. As soon as their lips touched he berated himself for being so stupid and losing control. But at the same time, it felt good and he almost kissed him again but restrained himself. He sighed and crawled off of him and stumbled back into his own bedroom.

Sasori's brain was doing everything it could to make sure its body didn't walk into a wall multiple times; it had no time to process what a possible suggestive command could have just been uttered. That and he knew Deidara's brain would not be able to say anything except the simple and blunt truth. As he clumsily made his way into his room, he immediately collapsed onto his bed, not finding the energy to do anything except close his eyes and await the peaceful oblivion.

He drifted off into sleep and it was wonderful, like he was falling through the endless universe with no care in the world. Though he knew it was completely the alcohol, he still enjoyed that feeling of being carefree, which he knew he had lost. Any thoughts of law school and Deidara and Chiyo and what he would eat tomorrow were pushed out of his mind as slowly consciousness slipped away, a wonderful feeling of disintegrating, feeling fuzzy and warm and perfect…

And then he was woken up by not one, not two, but _three_ alarm clocks going off and Kakuzu's extremely irritated voice coming from next door. Sasori's eyes fluttered open and immediately regretted it when the sun's bright rays pierced his vision; he groaned, feeling the massive headache and tried to swallow, also discovering his dehydration.

_Stupid. Brat. Damn. You._

"Deidara! You moron, you think a simple sorry note is going to make up for a bottle of Diaka Vodka costing 8500 yen?"

"Shit, man, you're so fucking _loud_, un…"

"You're an imbecile!"

Sasori listened to this exchange with very dry amusement and an intensifying headache. He reached over and grabbed a pillow, covering his face with it to blur out both the stupid sun and the noise. While it blocked out most of the sun and certainly softened the loud voices, it also stifled his breathing. Sasori wondered how bad it would be if he forced himself to pass out, just until his headache went away…

"Hey bro."

"Leave me alone," Sasori grumbled, groaning as the pillow was yanked off and he heard maniacal laughter that was amplified. He heard nothing but felt Hidan's weight on his bed and groaned because that made him shift ever so slightly. Pain seemed to be reverberating through his body; every movement, every smell, every sight, every sound exploded within him and all he wanted was to sleep.

"Here," Sasori forced one eye open slightly to see what Hidan was offering and saw two pills in his palm, "These are good for hangovers."

"…Are they legal?"

"Fuck no."

"All right then."

Hidan watched in amusement as Sasori struggled up, obviously wincing at the pain from sitting up and reaching out to take the pills and the glass, wincing as he swallowed them whether from taste or just the fact that he had to swallow. "I had you pegged as straight lace, grandma's little bitch. Surprised you'd take those."

"Yeah, well," Sasori pounded his chest a few times and squeezed his eyes shut, as if suddenly remembering his massive headache, "I'll do anything to get rid of this headache."

"Hidaaaaaan, un," they heard Deidara moan from the other room, "I need your piiiiiills…"

"Hidan the doctor must save his fellow bitches," Hidan announced, standing up and fake saluting Sasori as he turned around and left towards Deidara's room, where Sasori heard more sounds of Kakuzu trying to kill Deidara. Sasori smirked slightly and sank back down into his bed, into the soft and warm haven. He was suddenly extremely worried about the pills he just took because already he was feeling better. The sharp pain was dulling and it was now bearable for him to listen to what was happening in the other room without feeling like his head was being cut by a chainsaw.

"Why does it hurt so fucking bad, un…"

_"You drank a whole bottle of vodka on an empty stomach, you idiot!"_

"No no… _half_, un. On an empty stomach."

Now that Sasori's head didn't feel like it was being split, he could actually think. _That's right,_ he mused, sighing, _We drank last night…_ Slowly the memory of being dragged out of his room and forced into drinking came back, the "game" of revealing something personal, how each confession became more personal, how they felt like actual friends, how…

_Oh. Shit._

His eyes shot open and he felt cold, ignoring the pain from the sudden movement of getting up and walking over. He remembered kissing Deidara not once but _twice_, losing all self control and rationality, succumbing to his desires, feeling blissfully happy. Never before had a kiss felt like that even under his drunken state he remembered the tingling sensation and the breathlessness; Sasori had kissed his fair share of people but he either forgot them all or brushed them off.

Yet he prayed Deidara didn't remember, that his glazed look really meant he was gone. He didn't regret it; he would do anything to remember those two kisses because of how they made him feel. But he didn't want to give Deidara the wrong impression or let him think that everything was all right because it _wasn't_; it was just Sasori's other side taking over. So when he came to Deidara's room, he put on his normal, cool façade and pretended nothing had happened, figuring if Deidara remembered he would look at him and make a big deal out of it.

"Brat, you have the _worst_ ideas."

"Dannaaa, you're so looooud…"

Sasori let out a small sigh of relief, deciding that Deidara didn't remember it. As he had figured, he was completely knocked out by that time. Opening his eyes again he crossed his arms and smirked, watching Deidara lay limp on his bed, resting a hand with palm up across his eyes. Glancing at Kakuzu he saw one hand clenched and, judging by Deidara's apparent pain, Kakuzu had grabbed Hidan's little magic pills before the blonde had a chance to use them. Sasori actually felt bad for him; it was a weekend but knowing his workload, he probably couldn't risk slacking off a whole day.

But then again it was Deidara so he could probably do anything he wanted.

"Kakuzuuu," Deidara moaned again, free hand pawing at the air, "The pills, un…"

"Your pain is the pain I feel because you basically stole _eight thousand five hundred fucking yen from me._"

"So Kakuzu's a miserly banker."

"I know," Sasori nodded at Hidan's comment, watching the exchange, "And you like that about him."

At that, Hidan flushed red, painfully evident on his pale complexion as he spun to face Sasori, the slender, shorter male smirking at him and giving him a knowing look without turning his head, eyes rather sharp looking for someone with bed head (not that it ever looked combed anyway), grey sweatpants, and a large black shirt that was rumpled. It suddenly occurred to Hidan that the past few times when he just dropped by unannounced, Sasori was always in this attire and he hadn't thought much of it until now, wondering if he had several outfits that looked the same or if he did laundry frequently. "Why you—!"

"Off to study," Sasori ignored Hidan and turned around, heading off to his study room that Hidan heard Deidara complain about so many times.

"Deidara," Hidan turned to the blonde on the bed writhing in pain, determined to let his anger out somehow, "Your fucking roommate is a fucking douche!"

"Tell me about it, un…" the blonde mumbled, letting out a moan of pain when Kakuzu flicked his forehead, sending waves of pain. "Shit, what did I ever do to _you_ of all people, un?"

"Oh I have no idea. _Eighty five hundred dollars of vodka gone just like that?_"

"Well worth it, my man, un."

"It was _not_."

"What did you need it for anyway?" Hidan asked, crossing his arms as he enjoyed the sight of his boyfriend murdering his, basically, best friend. Deidara looked over, smirking and eyes glancing to where Sasori had been earlier.

Hidan really didn't understand but he pretended he did and smirked back knowingly. If he learned one thing from hanging out with Deidara, it was to never let the stupid geniuses know that they knew something he didn't.

**-X-x-X-**

"We're going to see senpaiii!"

"Yes, Tobi. We are going to check that he is still alive."

"From Sasori or med school?"

Pein glanced over at his girlfriend, smirking slightly. "Both."

Ever since the blonde had started med school, his friends realized that, with the exception of Itachi, they hadn't really talked to Deidara about it and they realized they probably should, thus prompting a visit. They were worried, beneath their eye rolls and exasperated sighs, they really were. Even though they met him after he quit, the way he talked about med school and the prospect of going really made them feel that he made the right choice by quitting.

Broke and just barely surviving but happy and free spirited, more so than any of them.

And now he was back in a place that they all knew would be difficult but to Deidara would be like a death camp, containing him, clipping his wings and forcing him into something he would be good at but despised. They actually hoped it was some kind of a joke but knew it wasn't; Deidara wasn't always a serious person but he would never joke about something like this.

"I'm going to kill you—!"

"Shit, Hidan, control your fucking boyfriend—"

"Deidara, why the fuck do you live on carrots and lettuce?"

"That's not mine that's danna's, now help me you asstwat—!"

"Can you all shut up? I'm trying to cement my future here."

Certainly an odd scene to be greeted by, with Hidan peering into the sparse refrigerator, Kakuzu holding Deidara in a headlock, and Sasori only appearing to yell at them before disappearing again, but then again, they all knew their friends were odd. Itachi sighed and walked over to Kakuzu to convince him to release Deidara, Konan and Tobi went over to the kitchen to see if they could make any food, Kisame discovered Deidara's new pet beta fish, and Pein, being smart and noticing Sasori's irritation, decided to go annoy Sasori.

"Hey."

Sasori glanced up and gave a 'hn' to acknowledge his presence. Closing the door behind him, Pein walked over, looking at the puppets around the room and admiring the artwork. Personally, Pein was always hopeless at art, always secretly admiring Deidara's skill. But looking at Sasori, not to belittle Deidara, this was a totally new level. Maybe it was because they practiced different forms of art and clay was much more difficult to mold perfectly, but every one of these puppets were crafted so perfectly and beautifully.

"Nice puppets," he said bluntly but Sasori smirked, hearing the underlying amazement.

"Thanks."

"…Studying hard?"

"Yeah."

"…You should take a break."

"Already took one."

"Studying with a hangover?"

"And Hidan's pills."

"The illegal ones?"

"Yeah."

"They work well."

"Yeah."

"How's Deidara?"

"Annoying."

"You need to get out of here."

"No I don't. I'm studying."

"What the hell are you going to do? Study until your exams?"

"Yeah. That's the point."

"And when are these exams?"

"February."

"You realize it's December, right? Three days before Christmas?"

"Yes."

"Jesus Christ."

"Don't say that in front of Hidan," Sasori muttered, secretly enjoying this conversation with Pein. It went by rather quickly and had no pauses, much different from his conversations with Deidara, because they both weren't too keen on long conversations and wasting words. Yet somehow Sasori actually liked those conversations with Deidara when they talked about things that weren't trivial and that truly mattered. Sasori usually avoided talks about things like feelings but with Deidara he didn't mind.

Just another reason why Deidara was annoying. He messed with his head.

"Sasori," a rare instance where he was addressed by his name, Sasori noted as he paused and looked up, seeing Pein right in front of him, frowning, "You were sent to the hospital for studying too much. And then you took a break and you were happy. Don't you realize that you're not going to be happy doing this?"

"I'll be happy eventually," he shrugged, secretly growing intensely annoyed at people being so preoccupied with his happiness, something that he and he alone was responsible for, "This will all pay off. Besides, Deidara's the hypocrite that you need to go set straight."

"See, the difference between you and Deidara is that you're doing this to please your grandmother. Just to please her, whereas Deidara's doing this to keep Ino, his only living family. He will lose her if he doesn't do this; she's said that to his face in plain words. You of all people, I believe, know how important family is, and you know how Deidara can't lose Ino. You won't lose your grandmother, so…"

"You don't know that," Sasori's eyes hardened and Pein couldn't help but flinch, "You don't know what my grandmother will do if I quit. Just because I don't declare how important she is to me like the brat does doesn't mean that I don't care about her. In case you didn't realize, she's my only living family too and I don't want to lose her either. Just because it isn't as obvious as the brat's case it doesn't mean that I don't have the same feelings."

"Both of you are idiots—you're not going to lose family members if you don't become doctors or lawyers, Jesus Christ, aren't you supposed to learn as teenagers that you follow your heart and do what makes you happy and screw what society or others want and—"

"Yeah, well, my heart tells me that I don't want to lose my grandmother so I have to do law, you bastard, don't make the brat's case seem so much more important than mine, we're actually similar so you have no right to compare us—"

"I have every right to compare you because Deidara _knows_ what's right and he's sacrificing it, but you don't know what's right because you're still blinded—"

"But I know I'll be happy eventually but the brat won't; medicine is different from law, it's going to drain him completely. He'll retire earlier and have a more comfortable life, but it's so stressful. Yes being a lawyer will be stressful but being a doctor is more stressful. My stress comes from reading papers and arguing; his comes from seeing people in pain, physically and emotionally. He has to work late, wake up early just to tell people bad news, try to save lives and fail sometimes because that's how life works. And he's not meant to do that; he's an ass but he cares about people, he can't just watch them die in front of him and know that he failed. He's never going to be happy if he goes down that path, so _that's_ why he has to stop now!"

When he said that, he watched Pein's expression go from annoyance to confusion then slowly to some kind of a realization, eyes widening and something like a smile tugging at his lips. He relaxed and instantly Sasori felt chills run over him, heart rate accelerating, feeling he said something he really shouldn't have, the silence seemed to thunder with noise.

"You're in love with him."

Pein's voice was deadpan and his expression emotionless but Sasori could see the rising amusement and surprise underneath and tried to hide his own rising blush, glaring instead at the absolutely absurd accusation. "Don't be stupid."

"You are. You want him to be happy. You're not mad at him because he lied; you're mad because he'll never be happy and he knows that but he's still doing it. You're actually in love with Deidara. Oh my God, someone actually fell in love with that _idiot…_"

"Shut up," Sasori growled as Pein looked off in amazement at the idea that someone would fall in love with Deidara, "I am not in love with him."

"Right," Pein smirked, meaning that he would let the conversation end but he was convinced he was right and turned around, "Well, I expect to see you outside in a bit. Lay off the studying. Seriously."

The redhead scowled as Pein opened the door and walked outside, letting it close mostly behind him. He heard the others yelling about something; apparently Kakuzu wouldn't let go of Deidara and Kisame was not pleased about the environment of the fish that Deidara spontaneously brought home one day. Narrowing his eyes, Sasori rested his chin on his palm and looked towards his display of puppets, furiously countering the statement Pein had made.

_If I were in love with him, I would know it._

_ And I don't care about his happiness. I'm angry at the decision because of the hypocrisy._

_ I may care about his happiness a little but more than that I am angry at the hypocrisy and betrayal and deception._

_ There is no way I would fall in love with that idiot._

Annoyed, Sasori stood up and threw his pencil down onto his study books, stomping outside to be greeted by Konan cooking in the kitchen and the others watching Deidara and Kakuzu struggle. Sasori pushed past them and stopped in front of the two, everyone else quieting down and turning to stare at him.

"Hey danna," it seemed that Deidara finally took Hidan's pills as he wasn't writhing in pain anymore, "You came out of your cave, un."

"I have one thing to say to you, brat," Sasori nearly snarled and leaned in until they were so close that everyone had cameras ready for an expected kiss and poor Deidara was terribly confused, wondering if this was going to be a happy moment or one where he died. Sasori looked annoyed but he was still addressed by the nickname so Deidara decided it wouldn't be _too_ bad.

"…Yes?" Kakuzu's grip slackened slightly which Deidara was grateful for, but Sasori's glare erased that relaxed feeling.

"I. Don't. Like. You. At all."

It was deathly silent as the weight of Sasori's words sank in. Deidara blinked and stared at him, an odd sensation coming over him; somehow he knew Sasori didn't mean those words literally, so it didn't cause him any pain. As much as they didn't like each other and fought, they had an unspoken agreement that they had become friends at the very least. The blonde's lips twitched at Sasori's glare and passive face. He almost actually enjoyed knowing that Sasori still was comfortable enough with him to tease him.

Smirking, Deidara straightened up and Kakuzu stepped back. "Really, danna? _I _should be saying that, un. After all, you kicked me out of the apartment so many times, enslaved me into feeding you, then did that whole fainting episode when you were dramatic and refused to eat."

Sasori's eyes smirked but he kept his face stoic; part of him was glad that Deidara knew he wasn't literal. As for the rest of them, Sasori thought as he glanced around quickly, they thought they were being serious. Might as well keep up the charade. "I kindly offered you a place to stay and I didn't even require you to pay rent and all I get in return are stupid proclamations of art being fleeting, your hideous vandalizing of my wall, and a nearly broken nose. You should feel blessed."

"Right—I look out for your wellbeing and you cold shoulder me. That makes me blessed, un?"

"Well, you adopted all the traits I hate the most in a person… you should be lucky that you're still standing here and not being thrown off the balcony."

"Danna, look at yourself. Trust me, in a physical fight, I would win, un."

"This is coming from the person that used to cross dress?"

"Shut up, you ass virgin, un."

"Stop it!" evidently Konan was taking this seriously whereas some of the others had begun to figure it out (namely Itachi, Pein, and Kakuzu). The blue haired woman stepped between them, and the look of worry that was on her features guilt tripped both of them. "I know you're not on good terms but don't say these kinds of things to each other! Don't ruin your entire friendship!"

"Yeah, senpai!" Deidara let out a loud curse as Tobi threw himself on the blonde which knocked both of them over and they toppled onto the floor, "Don't be so mean to Sasori-san! Senpai has to keep the few friends he has!"

"Why you little fuckin—!" Deidara started, glaring at Sasori's attempt to cover his laugh. He rolled his eyes and turned away slightly, shrugging and crossing his arms, secretly happy that this was probably the first time Sasori seemed close to being genuinely carefree and relaxed in a while. "I'll let you win this time, danna, un."

"Let me win? At least man up, brat."

Konan was about to interject again but saw the exchange of smirks; Deidara looked at Sasori from the corner of his eye and the other did as well, a slight momentary smirk was exchanged, secret messages understood. She relaxed and laughed, feeling her pulse subside slightly. When others fought she couldn't help but get nervous and agitated with them, especially seeing two people that shouldn't be fighting fighting. Her eyes fell on Sasori and frowned. "Sasori, do you even have any clothes besides what you wear?"

The redhead turned to her in confusion and looked down, frowning. "What's wrong with what I wear?"

"Nothing. Except you wear it every single time I see you."

"I do _not._"

"Aw, how cute," she stepped up and raised a hand, pinching his cheek gently, causing him to flush in embarrassment and others to laugh (or in Hidan's case, howl), eyes crinkling into a smile, "Now you're pouting!"

"I am _not._"

As Konan laughed again and told Sasori to go to his room and find something else to wear so she could wash what he was wearing (and to Deidara's amusement, the redhead did—quite obediently, he had to say), the blonde couldn't help but feel tension from the past few days melt away. Being here with people that were his friends, finally being able to relax around Sasori without vodka, actually made him genuinely happy, just like when he was still pursuing his art.

_Some things,_ he thought as Sasori came back out, this time in a promotion shirt he recognized from Tokyo University a few years ago in undergrad and another pair of sweatpants, handing his clothes in an irritated manner to Konan who smiled brightly like she was his mother, _never change._

**-X-x-X-**

"So I think they like each other."

"Mah?" Hidan was the first to utter a sound, looking up with a piece of toast hanging out of his mouth, eyes wide. "Those two? They _like_ each other? What the hell?"

"They do," Itachi nodded, "Sasori hasn't evicted Deidara."

"Nor tried to kill him. **You guys have no idea how many times that psychopath tried to secretly murder me…"**

"Zetsu, Sasori doesn't arrange his furniture so you trip over it."

"**Shut up, fish boy! You don't know that! He's got OCD! Maybe he has to kill, or attempt to kill, every roommate! Just look at Deidara's face; I swear, he gets beat up once a week!**" Zetsu snarled at Kisame who held up his hands and shrugged in his defense, then turned back to the rest of the group, "And Deidara hasn't left because of his weird OCD stuff. Which means the kid's really good at tolerating him because he must really like him."

"Wait," Hidan held up his hand and closed his eyes, looking away with a pensive expression on his face, as if contemplating something so riddled that no one had bothered to try to unravel it before, "Those two morons _like_ each other?"

"You know, they're not really morons… they're both actually really smart…"

"Yeah, Zetsu-san! Senpai is so smart! Tobi wants to be as smart as senpai!"

"But I suppose his lack of common sense makes him seem like an idiot. **And his hair. That hair makes him look like a goddamn girl. Remember the first time we met him? **Oh yes. Good thing mental thoughts are never heard."

"_Wait,_" Hidan said again, brow still furrowed and still in disbelief, "Those morons are capable of _liking_ someone? The idiots like each other? The _idiots?_"

"Hidan, they aren't idiots. Even though it wouldn't take an idiot too much to outsmart you."

"Shut up, douchebag!"

Pein rolled his eyes and leaned back, frowning. He already knew Sasori was in love with him, but he had a feeling Deidara felt the same way towards him. He knew the blonde's "types" and Sasori definitely didn't seem to fit. While his pretty face was something that Deidara was infamous for, the longevity of their relationship was not and neither was Sasori's stubbornness. Deidara, who was more into flings than relationships, seeked those who were complacent and obedient, people who would listen to him. And as far as he knew, Sasori didn't listen to him. And Deidara didn't listen to Sasori either.

Or maybe the reason that Sasori didn't fit within the pattern was because this wasn't a fling. This wasn't a one night stand or a one week relationship; this was something permanent, something longer. Someone that Deidara actually wanted to be with for a long time, maybe even for the rest of his life. He wanted someone like Sasori because Sasori wasn't a push over; their relationship wouldn't quickly become one dimensional. Sasori would fight and so would Deidara and that made things interesting. And Sasori also had a brain and so they could converse intellectually (leading to frequent fights.) Because, above all, Deidara hated being bored by anything: classes, friends, people. Sasori would definitely never bore him.

"I think they're in love with each other."

"What the _fuck_?" Poor Hidan was so confused. All he had been doing was eating the last piece of bread the two had in the apartment (no wonder they were both so damn tiny) and now they were talking about how they liked each other and now suddenly Pein announced they were in love. All Hidan wanted to do was trash Sasori's apartment and eat his food. Not talk about their feelings.

It was quiet as they all stared at Pein who looked away, face emotionless, like he had never said anything to begin with. They all were initially confused; why? What would lead to the smart Pein deciding this? What could possibly lead him to make this conclusion? It wasn't that they didn't believe in love; they did. It was only Konan that believed in the cliché, mushy love that media portrayed. The rest of them believed in love, the quiet, silent, strong love that drew people together and that they knew could be poison or could be the antidote for everything in the world.

And then, as they thought more about it, it seemed to make more and more sense. They didn't know why, of course, or how, or when, or, again, _why_. But there were signs that they weren't just friends, that these feelings weren't infatuations. Deidara was known to make a move if he wanted to get in someone's pants, the main driving factor for his short lived relationships. Sasori was known to evict anyone he didn't like and to beat up anyone he did care about and wanted them to listen.

"Deidara did steal a bottle of vodka from me… perhaps he wished to coax something out of Sasori?"

"No way, Sasori would never get drunk."

"Did you listen to me? _He stole __**my**__ vodka."_

"Oh," Zetsu faltered and frowned, nodding, "Then in that case, **I hope they didn't do anything too stupid.**"

"You know… now that they're both going to school… I really don't think they have time for anything like realizing they like each other," Kisame noted calmly, "Speaking of which, if they're both so stubborn, how come Deidara's still in med school? Isn't it his life goal to not go back and wouldn't Sasori be pissed that Deidara's being a hypocrite?"

"Kisame," Itachi turned to him slowly, frowning, "You are way behind."

"They'll resolve it," Konan piped up and everyone turned to her, her optimism attracting their attention, "They will. Even if they don't feel for each other the way we think they do, they're friends, right? Deep down they both know what's best for them. And they need the other to help them to make that decision, even if it doesn't seem like it."

"Sasori said that he didn't intend to know Deidara for too long," Pein said, chuckling dryly as Konan glared at him, "I asked him that day at the Ferris Wheel. After a few years, he said he doesn't plan to keep in touch with Deidara after a few years. They'll go their separate ways."

When he looked at Konan, he expected her to be annoyed or sad, but instead she was skeptical and when he looked at the rest of his friends, they had the same expression of skepticism. He blinked and frowned, not used to not knowing something everyone else seemed to know. "…What?"

"It is very common," Itachi said, "For idiots with high IQs to deny things. I feel that Sasori actually does feel an attachment to Deidara but does not wish to acknowledge it because he doesn't know how to be close to someone and keep him and he's scared of losing Deidara. And so he says that and that's his plan: separate himself from Deidara so he doesn't feel the pain of losing him, knowing it was his choice to push him away."

"So…" Zetsu frowned thoughtfully, "What they want is to be apart from each other. But what's going to happen is that** they're going to have a cliché confession scene and fall in love and be together forever? Disgusting.**"

A light chuckle went around the room at the idea of Sasori and Deidara confessing to each other because the idea of them having an important conversation without one of them stomping out or beating each other up was hard to fathom.

"Where are they anyway?" Pein asked suddenly, looking around as if expecting one of the two to pop out anytime now with his hands on his hips and about to lecture them and yell, "I'm sure they'd be annoyed that we're planning their futures together."

"Oh!" Konan grinned brightly, "I sent them to pick up the pizzas we ordered! I made up some lie that they wouldn't deliver so they had to be picked up!"

Everyone stared at her for a few moments quietly, not moving. Finally, Kakuzu sighed and pulled out his phone, dialing a number and holding it up to his phone, looking at Konan with a deadpan expression. "You haven't spent enough time with them together, I'm assuming. If you sent those two out together, the task will never be completed and we're going to starve to death."

"You don't know that! Maybe they'll discover they work really well together and fall in love and…" Konan faltered as the stares turned into skeptical looks and she sighed, bringing a hand up to her face, "…Yeah, let's order something else."

**-X-x-X-**

"See, danna, it really isn't that hard, un."

"What do you mean it isn't hard, brat?"

"You have to have an _open_ mind, un."

"Why the hell do you need an open mind to feed pigeons?"

Sasori rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and tapping his foot impatiently as he watched Deidara patiently throw bread crumbs that he bought from a bakery at the pigeons. The redhead would never admit it, but he liked watching Deidara like this; he was relaxed, serene, and happy. He could actually watch him for a while because somehow when Deidara was happy and relaxed so was he, a combination of feelings that they both strived for but knew what they were doing would only guarantee frustration and unhappiness. It was a sort of temporary escape, standing here in the park, feeding pigeons.

Except Sasori was _starving_ and did not trust his friends, especially Tobi, alone in his apartment.

"Let's _go,_ brat."

"Danna, you're just being a sore loser. You can't feed pigeons properly, un."

"How do you fail at feeding pigeons?"

"Well, for starters," Deidara glanced over his shoulder at him, smirking, "You don't chuck the bread crumbs, un. You gently toss them so they form a parabolic arc. Not a ray. Do you like it when I chuck your food at you?"

"No, but I'm also not a wild bird and you don't "gently toss" me my food either," Sasori snapped and scowled, looking at his watch, "Brat, they're going to just eat our pizza if we don't get there soon."

"We can always find something else."

"I. Want. Pizza."

"You sound like you're five."

"You act like you're five."

"At least I don't look like a five year old boy."

"At least I don't look like a five year old girl."

"Really, you're playing the gender card, un?"

"You're ridiculing my age."

All during their rather friendly banter, they didn't actually look at each other, something those that walked past them found odd. Deidara was still calmly feeding the pigeons and Sasori was standing behind him, arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently. They had different levels for their arguments. If they could argue without looking at each other, that meant it was completely playful. If they had to look at each other, then it was more serious. And if they were both glaring, well, someone wouldn't be staying at the apartment that night.

Deidara finally stood up and brushed his hands off, the last few crumbs falling to the ground. He carefully stepped around the birds to let them peacefully eat and continued along the path to their original destination. Sasori, not as sympathetic, walked right through the birds, sending them flying everywhere. The blonde scowled at him. "Danna, you're so inconsiderate. You don't even allow birds to stay in their habitats?"

Sasori smirked, understanding the reference to Deidara being kicked out multiple times by Sasori. "The birds should accommodate themselves to me and my routines then."

He rolled his eyes and they walked in silence for a while until they were out of the park, stopping at a red light and waiting for it to turn green so they could cross. Looking up across the street, he saw wreaths and lights strung up and suddenly remembered that Christmas was in, quite literally, three days. "Danna, un."

"Hm?"

"What do you want for Christmas?"

Sasori looked over in surprise at the question and after a moment, actually smiled gently, to which Deidara couldn't help but feel warm at the sight of. "Honestly, the fact that you're still willing to live with me is a present enough." Sasori knew that saying that was risky and completely out of character but hearing the question and seeing the genuine expression on Deidara's face led him to instinctively say it.

"Wow, danna," Deidara smirked, hiding the butterflies he felt, "You actually _enjoy_ my presence? You finally admit it, un?"

"I enjoy your food, brat," Sasori answered, reverting to the Sasori that Deidara was accustomed to, the one that never smiled, and they crossed the street. Deidara hesitated before catching up with him, slightly disappointed that he reverted back so quickly. He had fallen in love with the Sasori that was free, but he still loved this one because they were both Sasori.

"How is your exam studying?" Deidara asked, deciding to break the silence again. He seemed to have Sasori off guard, wondering what the redhead could have been thinking about, as he nearly jumped when Deidara spoke and looked over, blinking.

"Going well. Just a bit over a month until the exams."

"When are they again?"

"Early February."

"Ah. Good luck, un. Hope you pass."

"I plan to," Sasori answered curtly and Deidara pretended to not hear that as his last words were lies anyway, something Sasori probably picked up on anyway. "How's med school?"

"All right, un," Deidara answered, hating that this conversation was curt and forced, "Stressful. Finals were a bitch."

"Straight A's?"

"Yeah, un."

"Nice job."

"Just following your footsteps, danna," he looked over and smirked lazily and Sasori rolled his eyes but smirked back. Sasori's 4.0 GPA was infamous not only throughout the population of the graduate students but also the undergraduate students. Never a B, never even an A-, all while in some of the hardest classes possible and under the instruction of the hardest law professor whose dislike for him was not hidden.

"Really, a perfect GPA isn't as glamorous as imagined. I imagine you have kids begging you to help them?" they finally reached their destination and he pulled open the door, holding it open for Deidara as he entered, the smell of pizza filling the air. There was a long line, to which Sasori was annoyed at, and he sighed; the line winded through the restaurant. At this rate, they'd be waiting for at least half an hour even if Konan already placed the order.

"Yeah, un," Deidara didn't seem as bothered by this mass of people standing between them and food, "I don't like to help them though. Takes too long to explain stuff."

"Same."

"Well, they don't beg me and I don't cast them away cruelly. I always make up and excuse to go home, un. It's always the same one too."

"And that is?"

Deidara looked over, tilting his head so strands of his hair fell over his face, concealing it a bit more than usual. "That I can't keep infamous Sasori no danna waiting otherwise he'll never let me in, un. It's the truth. Your temper is notorious, danna."

The redhead scoffed and turned away, annoyed at Deidara again, secretly pleased that Deidara refused to spend time with others by using him as an excuse, even though it wasn't for the reason Sasori would've wanted. The line moved forward by a few inches, a distance so small that Sasori found no need move. Deidara noticed this and moved up, smirking at him. "Really, danna? Too lazy to move three inches?"

"We're leaving," the redhead ignored the question and stated curtly, turning around and walking out the way they came from abruptly. Deidara faltered for a moment before following him, having to quicken his steps to keep up with the redhead, vaguely remembering how Sasori made him sprint to the restaurant on his birthday. He hated that Sasori was in such good shape; Deidara wasn't out of shape but certainly not as capable of sprinting inhumane distances in minutes like Sasori.

"Oi! I thought you were hungry!" he said once he caught up, glaring at the redhead. Sasori looked ahead calmly, his face portraying no expression but Deidara was very skilled at reading him now. The tiniest crease in his brow indicated irritation, the biting of the lip every few minutes indicated he was hungry. It was tiny things like these that revealed Sasori's entire mood and, basically, he was extremely hungry and extremely annoyed.

"I'm not waiting in there to pick up a pizza. I'll either pass out by then or not be hungry anymore."

Deidara, well accustomed to every kind of hunger, didn't question that one could get so hungry that he didn't feel hungry anymore. "So what are we bringing back for food?"

"We're just walking in and making someone else order."

"…So even more waiting?"

"Yes, but I can study to pass the time. I assume you have homework and tests to prepare for as well," Sasori added and turned slightly to look at him. Deidara had his mouth opened to retort that Sasori shouldn't be studying but at his last comment he closed it and looked away stubbornly. He now had things he had to study for as well and so he had no place to tell Sasori to not study. And being smart, the redhead knew that, and so he now had ammunition to use against Deidara.

"I hate you, un."

Sasori chuckled, something rare for him and Deidara looked up in surprise, heart fluttering as he saw the amused half smile dance on his lips. He looked so relaxed right now and almost genuinely happy; Deidara wanted to take a picture of this and show it to him next time he looked stressed (probably within five minutes) and shake him, yelling at him that he deserved to look like this all the time, that law was literally sucking his soul away. But, of course, he couldn't do that. He didn't have that credibility anymore.

"I know," Sasori said and the light turned green and Deidara once again hesitated before following him. Things hadn't changed between them at all since that night with the vodka. Deidara didn't remember everything; he wasn't sure if Sasori actually gave a twentieth confession. But he remembered the kiss; it was hazy but he was certain it happened and that was enough to satisfy him. He didn't know why Sasori had kissed him, but he knew alcohol had a huge role in it and left it at that, but that didn't mean it wasn't a precious memory to him. Because that kiss seemed to confirm everything Deidara's question: am I really in love with him?

And the answer was yes; he was wholeheartedly in love with Sasori, feelings for him stronger than he had ever felt towards anyone else. He looked at him a lot more now and for much longer, with different eyes. He remembered yelling at Sasori, telling him that Ino was always more important than he would be. And he wanted to apologize for lying to him, knowing that Sasori hated liars because now Sasori was more important to him than Ino. Deidara had finally found someone, something that was so important to him that he wanted to keep more than Ino; if he could, he knew he would instantly turn back time and not go to med school, not only so that Sasori wasn't angry at him but also so that he had the credibility to convince him to not go to law. He would do anything for Sasori.

That was terrifying to him. Because if he would do anything for Sasori, that meant that the person he had been living this sham of a life for to protect was no longer the most important in his life. As long as he could remember, everything was for Ino. He would have died for her because she was so important to him. But now here was Sasori, someone he would literally do anything for; he would willingly walk into a pit of venomous snakes if it made Sasori happy (it actually seemed like it would at this point in their relationship.) Ino's love for Sasori's friendship, no guarantee of Sasori returning his feelings; he would risk anything for just Sasori's trust again.

It was so stupid when he thought about it, but that was how he genuinely felt. And he wished he could let Sasori know that he was so sorry for betraying him, that it was the worst decision he ever made. But for some reason he couldn't; the words would get lodged in his throat and his mind wouldn't function. Or maybe he was scared of Sasori's response. Sasori, being so devoted to family and pleasing Chiyo, may not understand this; he would look down on Deidara because family was no longer his priority. And Deidara didn't want to be looked down on as well as distrusted. As he had said before, he would do anything, even hiding everything from Sasori, to keep these short conversations that led to arguments, the rare smiles, the smirks, the silence.

"Brat? Oi, we're home."

_Home._ He loved it when Sasori said that.

Laughing slightly, he retraced a few steps and followed Sasori up the stairs, heading into the complex, steps that Deidara had memorized a long time ago because when he paid attention, he memorized absolutely everything.

He loved that Sasori called the apartment their home. A home was somewhere were people who trusted each other lived together; he liked the idea that Sasori thought of him close enough that they were living together, not as acquaintances, but sharing a home. It had been so long since Deidara felt at _home_ with someone and to share that with Sasori was more than he could ever ask for.

_I'm in love with you and I'm in no business of denying myself that pleasure. (1)_

"Brat. Christ, what's wrong with you today?"

Deidara stopped and instinctively turned around, walking a few steps, having walked past the apartment. Sasori frowned and peered at him, a line of concern creasing his brow as he noticed Deidara was looking downwards, eyes seemed to be darting around. "Are you all right?"

Looking at Sasori almost physically pained him if he thought about it too much, so he tried not to think about how madly in love with him he was. But sometimes he couldn't help but think about it. He couldn't pretend that it wasn't true. He couldn't look at Sasori like he was a normal friend all the time. It took so much willpower to not think about it, to pretend everything was normal, and it was tiring.

"I'm fine," Deidara looked up, managing a slight smile, "Sorry, un. Thinking about everything I have to do."

Sasori continued staring at him but didn't say anything else. He pulled the keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door, entering and Deidara followed quietly, keeping his eyes averted and on the ground instead of focusing on Sasori. These moments of not being able to look at him came in waves; some days he would be perfectly fine but other times, like now, he just couldn't look at him without doing something he would undoubtedly regret.

Their friends seemed not to notice their return and when Tobi spoke, Deidara finally snapped out of this trance.

"NO!" Tobi sprang up, bottom lip trembling, "Tobi must _approve_ of senpai's new boyfriend!"

"What boyfriend, you ass?" he asked, confidence back in his voice as he walked up to Tobi and hooked an arm around the younger male's neck, trying very hard to not snap his neck. Behind him, Sasori smirked, glad that the brat was back to normal. It was always unnerving when he was quiet; either it meant he was about to piss off Sasori majorly or something was wrong that made him upset which would make Sasori upset too.

"Oh hey, you're back!" Konan jumped up with slightly more bounce than usual, her grin wider, "…Pizza?" Secretly she had been hoping that the two would've brought back the pizza because she really was hungry and really wanted pizza, but seeing their empty hands told her otherwise.

"Too impatient to wait. Order something else," Sasori said and retreated into his study without further ado. Deidara watched him and smiled sadly, making no effort to stop him but sighing, something that Konan certainly didn't fail to notice.

"Senpai," Tobi piped up, grateful that Deidara's grip on him lessened slightly because of his attention shifting to Sasori, "Are you in love with Sasori-san?"

Sasori's study was now closed but that didn't matter, as Deidara preferred to use violence rather than words because Tobi could never understand words anyway.

"S-senpai!"

"D-Deidara! Don't kill him! _SASORIII_!"

Sasori chose to ignore Konan's frantic screams and the sound of couches being turned over. Voices of people that typically didn't speak reverberated throughout the apartment and he swore he heard police sirens but ignored it all; they were smart, they should be able to figure out how to save the life of Tobi from Deidara.

He sighed and opened his books, trying to clear his head of Deidara and focusing on what really mattered.

_Note to self: find new friends._

**Author's Notes: I have one AP exam over so now I am celebrating, haha. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Did you know there's a new, big, blue review button? You should click it if you enjoyed this chapter. **

**(1) It's not the exact wording, but pretty close to a line in **_**The Fault in Our Stars.**_** I highly recommend it. It's by John Green and like the rest of his books, absolutely flawless and definitely one of my favorites, second only to **_**Looking for Alaska.**_


	16. a kiss to remember

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter sixteen: a kiss to remember.**_

"Here you go, brat."

Blearily, Deidara opened his eyes and saw Sasori walk past him and set something down on his desk. As the redhead brushed past again, the blonde made a sound of irritation as he felt a light flick of Sasori's fingers to his forehead. He brought a hand up to his forehead to massage the, now probably bruised (Sasori had oddly strong fingers), spot, and by the time he fully opened his eyes and they could focus, Sasori was gone, the door closed behind him. One of the few, or as his subconscious would say, many, things that he liked about Sasori was his respect for privacy. Deidara couldn't even count the number of people that opened his closed door and left it open when they left. However, Sasori always made sure to leave the door open as he found it; closed if closed, open if open, slightly ajar if slightly ajar.

The blonde craned his neck to see what Sasori had set on top of his desk but his eyes were first attracted to the window. Eyes widening, he smiled softly as he got up and walked over, pushing the already half open curtains (he usually forgot to close them fully) to get a better view of the snowy scene outside. It was always nice when the first snow of the season happened to be on Christmas; he hated it when Christmases weren't white. It was like a miracle; every time that the first snow happened to be on Christmas, Deidara believed that would be good luck for the next year.

_Ah,_ his eyes widened and he looked to his right towards his desk where he saw an immaculately wrapped box set on his desk, perfectly parallel to the edge of his desk and he smirked at Sasori's OCD. _Christmas._

He picked up the gift and examined it; it was so neatly wrapped he almost felt bad taking off the wrapping. Sasori was the only person he knew that made sure the pattern matched up perfectly; he had witnessed the Akasuna wrap something in multiple layers just because the lines wouldn't match up. The ends were an exception but the triangles were perfectly symmetrical as well as the pieces of tape. Sasori not only managed to do this flawlessly but also in a timely fashion, whereas Deidara often got frustrated and threw whatever it was in a gift bag and stuffed tissue paper on top of it. The corners of his lips tugged up into a smile again. Sasori's quirks, which had seemed so odd, were rather endearing now.

_Ugh,_ instantly he scowled as he began to take the wrapping paper off in a manner that probably would've made Sasori wince, _I can't believe I thought of something so disgustingly cheesy._

The wrapping paper was crumpled up and thrown into a nearby trash bin and Deidara took a few moments to stare at the tall, brown box and wonder what was inside. He had imagined it would be clay of some sort, or maybe some gag gift, like a firecracker that would explode once he opened it. He blinked a few times and chuckled. Sasori wouldn't do that; Deidara's bloody body parts dispersed throughout the room wouldn't be easy to clean up.

He set it down and opened the lid, peering in. To be honest, he was still expecting some kind of a gag gift, like a note demanding payment of rent (which he still had yet to give Sasori, he realized suddenly), but what was inside was quite different from what he had imagined.

As he carefully reached in to pick up Sasori's gift to him, he couldn't help but smile again, this time a wider, more genuine smile. It was a puppet, a marionette doll, to be more precise, just like the ones that were displayed magnificently in Sasori's study. Except it was him, blonde hair and blue eyes and all (and an art splattered shirt which Deidara wasn't sure if he should take it as a compliment to his artistic ability or insult to his lack of hygiene.) White strings were attached to his limbs, all leading up to control bar, the total puppet about a foot tall. Most marionettes that Deidara had seen before were creepy looking, for a lack of better terms, but he had grown fond of them ever since seeing Sasori's. Somehow, they weren't as odd looking. They seemed almost real and absolutely beautiful.

He toyed around with the control bar, smiling as he watched the marionette version of him move around awkwardly, limbs dancing. The detail was insane; every finger was perfect down to the nail, every hair was perfect, the blue of the marionette's eyes were almost his exact own. The wood was so smooth and shiny, the workmanship leaving Deidara speechless. He looked around on his desk then moved a few things over on a shelf and carefully hung the marionette there, his eyes falling on the box again and seeing something else. Frowning, he reached in and took out another marionette, only this time it was his signature bird. He couldn't help but laugh as he manipulated the control bar, watching the wings of the bird flap up and down in a fashion similar to how Deidara was controlling himself earlier. It was painted white with black detail and Deidara had never realized how good Sasori was with a paintbrush until now. He carefully hung it next to the marionette of him then picked up the immaculately folded piece of paper and unfolded it.

_Merry Christmas, brat._

_ I was tempted to buy you a bunch of books to prepare for your tests but decided against it. I thought I'd get you something that your lack of money couldn't ever purchase._

_ I really do hope you don't blow these up because you claim that "real art is fleeting." Also, please stop spouting such nonsense or drastic measures (like drying all your clay) will have to be taken._

_ Sasori_

"What an ass, un," Deidara muttered, rolling his eyes but nevertheless the stupid smile wouldn't leave his face as he tucked the note under the control bars so it would all be together. Sasori really was right when he said he got him something money couldn't buy. Really, would Akasuna Sasori make anyone a personalized marionette set for free? He smiled again, staring at the set. He didn't know if Sasori had meant it, but it was so paradoxical. There was Deidara in his art splattered shirt with his signature bird, free and happy, doing what he loved. But then there were the control bars, controlling every movement; the bird's flying wasn't its own freedom but rather because someone was either forcing it. Deidara's movements were the same; they weren't his own. Distressingly realistic but done beautifully, art with a true meaning.

Sasori definitely had to have planned this, Deidara realized, there was no way this paradox was a mistake. A true artist always has a meaning behind his art and Sasori was a true artist.

"Well," he muttered, looking out the window and glancing at the clock again, smirking, "I hope my present is as up to par as his, un."

**-X-x-X-**

"What the hell…?"

Sasori frowned in confusion as he entered his study, mug of coffee almost to his lips before he let out the swear, brow furrowed and eyes darting around suspiciously. It was clean. Sasori was a clean and organized neat freak but he had been too busy studying to even think about keeping his study organized. But he came in today and it was like before he started studying: the floor was polished, the windows cleaned, shelves dusted (puppets not disturbed, to his relief), garbage emptied, papers paper clipped and divided into "done practice tests" and "not yet done", study books piled from the order of smallest to largest, pencils and pens all in his pencil holder with the tip down, just how he liked it.

This was creepy.

Not the fact it was clean, but that Deidara _knew_ all of this. He knew that Sasori organized his books with the largest on bottom, kept two pencils and two pens out and had them parallel to each other and perpendicular to the desk edge with the tips facing upwards and away from him, monitor screen at a forty five degree angle, books on his right and tests on his left. He had never told him any of this, Sasori thought incredulously as he walked over and sat down, had he really figured all this out by mere observation?

He opened his drawers suddenly and was glad to find them still in the unorganized state as before; that meant that he hadn't opened them and messed with his stuff. He smirked, glad that Deidara remembered.

"Like it?"

Sasori looked up to the drawling voice and saw Deidara leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, an arrogant smirk dangling on his lips. The redhead returned the smirk and sat up, taking a sip of his coffee. "I'm quite surprised you knew all this about me."

"Remember, danna," he strolled over casually, admiring his own work, "I'm smart, un."

Sasori smirked again. He wanted to ask Deidara if he liked the marionettes but couldn't find it inside himself to ask. It was always degrading, he felt, for an artist to ask someone if he appreciated his art. But he really wanted to know if Deidara liked his art as much as he liked Deidara's. The sculpture was still on his desk and Sasori found himself staring at it nearly every day.

"Thank you for your gift," Deidara spoke softly and Sasori nearly jumped, wondering if the brat was psychic, "I… really love it, un. It's…" he paused and Sasori looked up in surprise; he wasn't aware that Deidara could actually be at a loss for words. "It's… you really are the prodigal Sasori no danna, un. Thank you."

Sasori hesitated before relaxing into a soft smile, another that Deidara couldn't help but smile back at; it seemed that ever since Sasori started law school again these smiles were rare and fleeting, which made them even more beautiful because they were just like art. "You gave me your art for my birthday," he answered, acting cool but secretly pleased that Deidara enjoyed his gift, "I returned the favor."

The blonde laughed lightly and looked around the study. Sasori looked up and smirked when he realized Deidara was admiring his handiwork; to be honest, Sasori was quite impressed too. He didn't know that Deidara even know how to clean and organize.

"Danna, I need an hour of your time tonight, un."

"No."

"I need it. This is not a request."

"Too bad."

"_Danna._"

Sighing, Sasori looked up from unclipping another practice test and he was met with a stern and adamant gaze. Whatever this was about, Deidara was obviously not going to let it go easily, if at all. He closed his eyes in irritation; an hour, truthfully, wasn't that long, but he could still get a lot done in a whole hour. But it was either give up an hour now or waste more time arguing with the idiot, which could end up being far more than an hour.

"Fine. One hour," he snapped and Deidara grinned, straightening up and looking proud of himself. "Better be important."

"It is, un," Deidara said and turned to leave the study, glancing back to smirk, "All in the spirit of Christmas, danna."

As the door closed, Sasori found that he couldn't concentrate on his practice test. He looked at the sculpture Deidara had made him and smirked. He rolled his eyes and resumed his practice test, prepared for a day of full out studying because he had just a bit over a month left to prepare. He was beginning to sink into his zone of intense focusing when the door flew open and it hit the wall with such a loud thud that Sasori couldn't help and jump, looking up in surprise and annoyance to see Deidara stalk over and throw Sasori's coat and scarf at him.

"Actually, danna, never mind," the blonde looked very proud for someone Sasori was about to kill, "You're going to give up your entire day and spend Christmas with me, a human being, instead of your books, dead trees, un."

Deidara was surprised that Sasori was so angry he actually _growled_, "I dare you to try, _brat._"

**-X-x-X-**

As it turns out, being a med student actually had an advantage for Deidara. With a quick jab of his fingers, he knew exactly where to hit to knock Sasori out and to drag the limp body out of his apartment. Of course, he made sure that he had the only set of keys to go home and when Sasori demanded to know where they were, Deidara's crooked smirk and taunting "you really want to try to get them, hm?" left Sasori with the impression that he really didn't want to find them.

Or maybe he did, as his subconscious had chimed in, but Sasori ignored that like he always did.

"Let me go _home_, brat."

"Come on, danna, it's Christmas, un. Do you want more hot chocolate?"

_"No._ Who has a picnic in the park in the middle of winter anyway?"

"People who can't sit at a nice café because it's closed."

"_Because it's Christmas."_

"Exactly, un."

Sasori opened his mouth but found that Deidara had actually outsmarted him, the future lawyer, and closed it in irritation. He glanced up to see Deidara smirking because his whole intention was to get Sasori to admit it was Christmas, and he was rather proud of himself right now. He made a 'tch' sound and crossed his arms, leaning back against the bench they were sitting on in the park, the snow cleared off by Deidara's foot and the backpack he brought with him which contained not one, but three thermoses of hot chocolate, which Deidara was drinking at a steady pace. Sasori had accepted some of it just because he was cold.

"This is stupid," Sasori muttered, his words creating white breaths in the cold air, "It's snowing. It's cold. It's Christmas. People are supposed to stay indoors."

"But if you stay indoors you'll be studying and Christmas is about relaxing, un," Deidara answered calmly, glancing over and smirking, "It's one day, danna."

"I only have a bit over a month."

"You still have a bit over a month," Deidara countered, shrugging and smirking, "That's another way of looking at it, un."

"These exams…" Sasori started and hesitated before continuing, "…They mean a lot to me. It's more than just my grandmother and law school. It's more than me proving to myself that I can do whatever I put my mind to. I can't pinpoint it but… these exams mean everything to me right now and I just want to do well and pass."

Deidara stared at him for a while before looking away, smiling slightly. "You'll do fine on them. And don't tell me I don't understand, un. Because maybe I know nothing about being a lawyer but I know something about being a doctor, all right? The bar exams are like the USMLE. They're both tests that determined you future, both insanely hard tests. And I look around my class of future doctors, I can't imagine anyone doing well on the USMLE step one or two. Step two, I guess, it more like yours; it helps determine where we go for residency and then it's self explanatory from there. So yeah, I can't look at someone and think that he's going to do well or she's not. But I look at you, danna, and… I just know you're going to pass them. I just… do."

"You're not a lawyer, brat."

"Were you not listening to me saying the bar exams were like the USMLE step two?" Deidara retorted and Sasori smirked, shrugging.

"I was. They do sound similar. But you don't know that. I don't know that. But," he added as Deidara opened his mouth to retort again, "thank you for your belief. That… I do appreciate that a lot, especially because you're the person that's most against me taking them."

Deidara paused, caught slightly off guard, before regaining his composure and shrugging. "You're brilliant, danna, and I can't deny that. No matter what I want, that's not going to have an effect on your tests. But if what I wanted did matter, I assure you, you would fail them. Definitely, un."

"Well then, it's good that what you want doesn't matter."

Deidara leaned back into the bench and the two elapsed into a silence, a new kind of silence that wasn't comfortable but wasn't uncomfortable. One where they didn't need to say anything but wanted to because it didn't feel right to sit in silence but it wasn't a terrible silence.

"Oh," Deidara broke the silence as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a card for Sasori, holding it out for him, "Here. Meet me on the roof of the med building tonight around eight, un. You'll need that to get in. Security knows I got you a copy for today so they won't freak on you or anything."

"…The medical building? You're taking me to school on Christmas?"

"Trust me, there's a reason," Deidara rolled his eyes and stood up, glancing at the time on his phone, "I've got to make some final preparations for… something. Just… meet me there, all right? Promise to not blow me off, un."

Sasori sighed but smirked. "I promise."

And Deidara grinned at that, knowing that if Sasori made a promise he would definitely keep it and he would definitely see Sasori tonight at his prison. "I'll see you then, danna. Go home. Go… study, un."

"You're really giving me permission to study?"

"It's not like you wouldn't take advantage of this opportunity."

"You're pretty bright, you know. You'll make a great doctor."

"Don't give me your sarcasm, un!"

**-X-x-X-**

Deidara had a remote. He had a remote that would control some very, very powerful explosions and he usually would be excited beyond belief to press those buttons, to set off his art, but he was nervous. He was so nervous because this time these weren't regular explosions, this wasn't his art. He was going to confess tonight, he had decided a long time ago, he couldn't bear to look at Sasori every day and for him to not know anymore.

He would confess, regardless of the fact he didn't know how Sasori would react. He still hadn't figured out what he was saying so he decided to leave that for the spur of the moment. It would be rather ironic, he thought, for him, the ephemeral artist, to plan out something. That was something Sasori would do.

Deidara had a remote and he was terrified and kind of wanted to go home and go back to bed but he couldn't, after all, he had a remote that would set off some very, very powerful explosions.

He couldn't wait for Sasori to get here but at the same time he could wait, he could wait a long time if he had to. But he knew he wouldn't have to; it was 7:57 and Sasori would arrive in exactly three minutes because Sasori was punctual and Deidara had asked him to not come early because he had to prepare. Mentally prepare, that is, but he didn't tell Sasori that. He was scared of how Sasori would react but knew he had to do this, it was something he had to get off his chest.

With his head bowed so his forehead touched the railing, Deidara was shaking as he held the remote, his heart pounding furiously. He was in love with Sasori, he would keep repeating to himself, he was in love with Akasuna Sasori and he wanted to laugh at himself for it. He was in love with the one person he never thought he would be in love with, the one person he just couldn't get along with.

"Hey, brat, are you all right?"

Three minutes elapsed very quickly when one was nervous, Deidara noted dryly.

Immediately, he straightened up and turned around, putting on that fake, confident grin that had fooled Sasori for so long every time he was secretly dying of anxiety on the inside. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit tired, un. Glad to see you made it on time," he added as Sasori walked over and joined him on the edge of the building, leaning against the railing.

Sasori turned to him and Deidara looked at his face and how the moonlight casted a shadow on it, a perfect shadow that made him look like some kind of a perfect painting. Except he wasn't a painting and he wasn't frozen in time; he was a human and he was here, living, breathing, alive, and he twisted Deidara's heart so much that it ached without even realizing it. He smirked. "You expected any different, brat?"

"How was your studying?" Deidara asked nonchalantly, knowing Sasori had seen the remote by now because of his sharp eyes but knew to not ask about it.

"Same old," Sasori shrugged, "Took a full practice test today. If I do as well on the real thing I should be on my way to some of the top firms in Japan."

"Any in Tokyo?"

He thought he saw a genuine, heartbreaking smile for a moment.

"Several in Tokyo," he said quietly and he held Deidara's gaze for a moment. And in that moment Deidara swore his heart stopped; in that moment he swore he saw the vulnerable Sasori; in that moment he swore he saw everything he was looking for. But it lasted a moment and then it was gone.

"Great," Deidara grinned, "You'll be stuck with me for a while then."

"Oh? Plan on staying here?"

"Tokyo's got the best hospital in all of Japan, danna. If I do something, I go for the best, un. Just like you."

"Of course," Sasori muttered, his smirk indecipherable to Deidara, "So? What's this all about?"

"Well," Deidara cleared his throat and straightened up. He still faced Sasori and rested his right elbow on the railing, right hand holding the remote that Sasori glanced at again. "I said I gave you my art, that sculpture for your birthday, remember? And then you gave me your art this morning. But I lied, un. That wasn't my real art, not the sculptures. This," he extended his right arm and Sasori's gaze followed it towards the night time sky, "is my real art."

And moments after he pressed the button, it began. Sasori's eyes widened as he watched fireworks shoot up in the distance, the whistling noise, the expectation before the explosion, the boom. The sky was filled with colors and not just the standard colors, but there were shades of green, purple, yellow, orange, red, blue going in order from red all the way to purple, traveling around the color wheel, mixing and blending just like on a palette.

Sasori had to admit he was in awe, that he hadn't expected this. This wasn't just a fireworks show, it was an artist's fireworks show; these weren't the standard colors and cliché designs. These were hues and shades, mixing and blending, like a painting, like a movie, like real art.

"You…" Sasori had to swallow because he found his throat was dry, "How did you…"

"Let's just say that the art store helped me out a bit because I was such a loyal customer and now they're closing down and destroying my dreams and… I don't only research on exploding sculptures in a park, un," Deidara answered, leaning on the railing with the remote pocketed safely. "You like it, un?"

"Yes," Sasori breathed, his eyes still glued to the scene in front of him, "It's… I have to admit, brat, I really… I really had doubts about your so called art. This, maybe it's not true art, not quite yet," Deidara scoffed but Sasori ignored him and continued talking, "This is beautiful. It really is. You… you really are talented, brat."

Deidara smirked and gave no response to that, secretly pleased to have earned at least a bit of Sasori's recognition. As they watched the show in silence (Deidara had enough to go for at least half an hour), the blonde felt a nagging feeling at his heart again and he rubbed his fingers together, a nervous habit he had developed a while ago.

He knew he had to confess but he couldn't find the nerve. Did he just say it out right? Or did he make some elaborate speech?

Neither, he decided, he would do neither of those options.

"Danna, un." Leaning against the railing was not good; Deidara loved heights but if he looked down, the anxiety of this would make him want to puke. He changed his position so that he was leaning against the railing with his back to the show and his fingers curled around the railing nervously.

"Hm?"

"What would you do if I was in love with you, un?"

Sasori turned to Deidara quickly, his eyes wide. He found the other leaning against the railing nonchalantly and his gaze staring straight ahead, opposite of where the fireworks were. He was smiling, even, a ghost of smiles on his lips, hardly there but definitely present to someone who knew Deidara as well as Sasori did.

"…What makes you say that?"

"Don't kill me for saying this, danna, but I really have absolutely no idea, un," Deidara laughed then elapsed into silence, feeling Sasori's steady and penetrating gaze on him. He took a deep breath, his nerves not calming down at all, his heart still racing, and he was still shaking as he looked down at the ground. "I guess… because you never judged me, un. I mean, you kind of did, but you never held it against me, you know? You didn't keep using one specific instance to judge me forever. You gave me a second shot and you actually listened to me and all my pathetic issues, un."

He hesitated before he looked back up, still not looking Sasori in the eye but feeling the brown eyes on him like laser beams. "And then… then after I fucked up so badly you still managed to somehow convince yourself to be my friend and not cold shoulder me forever, un. That was… really noble of you because I could never do that. Someone that was as perfect as you are actually gave a screw up like me the time of day. I think that, above all, made me the happiest and was why I fell in love with you, danna, un."

Deidara broke off and clutched the railing tightly. He felt like every sound was magnified; he heard his shoes scuff against the concrete ground, he heard his breathing, he heard his heart beat. The only thing he couldn't hear was Sasori; he couldn't even look at him because he was so nervous. He had thought he would feel so liberated after telling him and getting this off his chest but he wasn't liberated; he felt more enclosed than ever.

And he hated silence. With noise he could at least figure out what was wrong and how he should go about fixing it. But he couldn't do that with silence; with silence he didn't know anything. He hated silence.

"Look, danna, un," he said finally, in exasperation and nervousness, "I love you. I'm really in love with you. If you feel the same way, great. If not, I'll get over it. But I want an answer, and I'm entitled to one, un. So don't just stand there in silence and tell me."

The redhead looked away, still hearing the fireworks show in the background, but it was all but forgotten by now which was a shame, Sasori thought distantly in his mind, because it really was beautiful. But he couldn't concentrate on something like that, even though it was art; not right now when he was confused about this. How was he supposed to reply? He was so adamant that he wasn't in love with Deidara no matter what Pein said, but wouldn't he know that? Wouldn't he instantly know that and know to tell Deidara that? He didn't have that certainty; he couldn't tell Deidara he wasn't in love with him but at the same time he wasn't sure if he could honestly say he was in love with him.

Sasori never bothered to choose his words carefully before speaking; if he had something to say, he would say it, sometimes at the expense of another's feelings. This was something he had realized he was trying to fix ever since Deidara moved in. At the beginning he had been extremely blunt, but recently he had bit his tongue to not say something as to anger or sadden him. But still, sometimes something he didn't mean to say would slip out.

"Is this a hypothetical situation?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it when he saw Deidara's surprised look that quickly turned into one of heartbreak. He realized it sounded like he was trying to reject his confession, but that truly wasn't his intention. He felt stupid because it was obvious, wasn't it? Deidara's speech, his behavior; it was evident that the first question wasn't hypothetical. But he just wanted to make sure; it was part of his nature, as a law student. He wanted to clarify; assuming things would lead to errors and he did not want to make an error on a subject as sensitive on this. But the pain evident on Deidara's face ensured Sasori that he had, indeed, made a large error.

"…Yeah, un," Deidara looked away and Sasori heard a small, bitter laugh. He pushed himself off the railing and his right hand clutched the railing so tightly that his knuckles turned white and he was shaking. Looking up, his blue eyes flashed angrily at Sasori, a look of pain and anger prominent. "Hypothetical situation, un."

Without another word, he stomped off and Sasori heard the slam of the door and the footsteps hurrying away, leaving the redhead alone on the rooftop, feeling like he had just become the world's biggest douche bag.

**-X-x-X-**

Deidara's door was closed and the light was out when Sasori got home that night. He had stood in front of it for a good ten minutes, trying to make himself knock and to apologize but he couldn't. He knew Deidara didn't want to see him right now, maybe not for the rest of his life even. And the least he could do was abide by his wishes. So Sasori washed up and went to bed, wishing that this was all a horrible nightmare but it wasn't.

The confession confused him. He couldn't pinpoint what emotion it caused; it wasn't a clear emotion like happiness or surprise, just… confusion. Pure confusion and Sasori wasn't sure what that meant. He was a logical thinker but feelings weren't logical, he realized that, that's why he hated dealing with them. Feelings couldn't be put into boxes because they overlapped and boxes would overlap and that would ruin the whole purpose of having boxes if things just overlapped.

He just didn't want to hurt Deidara. That was the only thing that was clear to him; he just didn't want to hurt him but he knew he had.

The next morning when he awoke, the door to Deidara's room was still closed but he knew that he was awake because he heard sounds in there. He sighed and went into the bathrooms to brush his teeth and wash his face and he noticed that Deidara's toothbrush was missing but didn't think too much about it. After all, toothbrushes had to be replaced every few months, he told himself, Deidara was just replacing his toothbrush.

When he came out, he stared at Deidara's door; it was cracked open just an inch and he took that as a sign that Deidara was willing to see him. Otherwise the door would be closed. Sasori figured the worst thing he would get was a punch to the face and not only was he used to those but he deserved much worse.

"Brat?" he asked as he pushed the door open, hoping that he would be able to get a few sentences in before Deidara socked him. But when he opened the door he saw a half full duffel bag on Deidara's bed and the blonde was currently rummaging through the closet, pulling clothes off hangers and throwing them into the bag without folding them. His books were in his backpack along with his binders and pencils and his student I.D. Sasori had a sinking feeling that he knew what he was doing. "You're moving out?"

"Yeah," Deidara didn't even pause to look at Sasori as he moved over to his desk and looked at the sculptures he had there, trying to decide which ones to take and which ones to leave.

Sasori bit his lip, not knowing what to say to make him stay. He didn't want him to leave, especially not like this; he didn't want Deidara to leave at all. Last night when he told Deidara that there were several top law firms in Tokyo, he had been pleased that Deidara had asked; he wanted to stay near him, to still live with him if possible. He wasn't ready to let him go, not after everything that's happened. He made such a big impact on his life and Sasori still hadn't been able to properly thank him. He couldn't go. Not yet. Not ever.

"Are you…" Sasori paused and looked up, crossing his arms, "…Are you sure you have to?"

"I don't have to," Deidara answered, deciding to pack away his signature bird, "I just want to." He stopped in front of the puppet Sasori gave him and he raised a hand to touch it, admire the finish and Sasori wondered if he was going to take it with him. But then he walked away and left it there and Sasori could easily admit that he felt his heart shatter from that.

"If it's about last night—"

"Of course it's about last night," Deidara finally stopped to acknowledge Sasori and he spun around and it was evident to Sasori that Deidara hadn't gotten much sleep last night either. "I don't know how to stay here, un. I don't know how to pretend that didn't happen. I thought I could handle rejection. I really did," he paused and shrugged, a sarcastic smile at his lips, "But… evidently I can't. See, I've never failed. I have literally never failed at anything. And the first thing I fail at is falling in love with someone? That's harsh, un. And it hurts. And I'm not used to failure and you can understand that; I'm not used to not succeeding and I don't know how to cope with failure."

Sasori took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry about my wording I know…"

"It's not the wording," Deidara interrupted quietly, "If you were in love with me, you would know it. You would know it and you would have the decency to tell me because you're Akasuna Sasori, the champion of honesty. But you didn't tell me, you didn't say anything, which means you're not or you don't know. And either way, I can't live with that. I can't live with uncertainty."

After a few moments of staring, Deidara walked over to his duffel bag and zipped it up. He hesitated for a moment and then turned around to face Sasori again.

"Just… just promise me one thing, d—Sasori," he cleared his throat and dropped the nickname; Sasori winced inwardly at the cold tone but chose to ignore it because he knew Deidara had the right to be angry, "One thing, un."

"…What?"

"Promise me… you'll pass those damn exams, un. That everything you're doing and the completely oblivious and self absorbed asshole you're turning into isn't for nothing, un. Pass them. Prove me wrong and prove to me that you want this and you'll be happy, un."

"…I promise," for the first time that day, Sasori could smirk weakly, "That I can promise you."

"Good," Deidara nodded and sighed, turning around and continued stuffing random things into his backpack but then he stopped suddenly.

"I love you madly, passionately, indefinitely," Deidara turned around and straightened up, his eyes glaring angrily at Sasori, "I used to think love was like art, un. And since art is fleeting, so is love. Because nothing in life lasts forever and love fades away eventually, you know? Nothing good lasts forever and feelings come and go and I was perfectly fine with that view, un. And then I met you, danna."

Sasori had looked away because the intensity of Deidara's gaze was starting to unnerve him, but he couldn't look away any longer. He felt remorse and guilt wash all over him and he wished that he could take back what he had said on the rooftop; he cursed that for once what he said wasn't formulaic and planned. He noticed he was getting more impromptu the longer he spent time with Deidara and it seemed to help him loosen up, but he suddenly wished he reverted to his old, stoic attitude. That way he would never have said what he said to hurt Deidara. He still couldn't look him in the eye; guilt was clawing him from the inside and it seemed it would physically pain him to look at Deidara in the eye. But a long silence elapsed and Sasori glanced up, then looked away again, fidgeting away.

"…What's so special about me?"

He heard a sigh and a dry laugh. "You know, I have no idea, un. You flipped out on me within twenty four hours of meeting, you almost destroyed my relationship with my sister, you're an asshole to me, you degrade my views of art, you're basically the complete opposite of what I am and what I love, un. But then the more time I spent with you, the more those annoyances lessened. You still piss me off, but… I can tolerate it. You didn't judge me, un. When you found out that I dropped out of med school, you didn't think any lower of me and that… that made me happy, un. Because a stranger was actually going to give me a second chance. And then when I went back to med school… you were mad," he paused to laugh, "So incredibly mad, un. And… I like that. Because that means you actually listened to me and you knew what I believed in and you didn't like that I was doing something against what I wanted but what you would do, un. That means you cared for me and… I thank you for that. So I guess that's what I fell in love with you."

Deidara paused and looked down at his backpack and picked up a shirt and played with the hem for a few moments and smiled sadly. "And suddenly, I don't want love to be fleeting, un. I don't want love to be ephemeral, temporary, transient. I want it to be eternal, perpetual, undying. I don't want these feelings to leave because they make me feel alive, un. I love having something to look forward to, I love thinking about your well being over mine, I love… loving you. But if you don't feel the same way, not even in the slightest way…" He threw the shirt into his backpack and zipped it up and picked up his duffel bag. He slung the backpack over his shoulder and walked towards the door and brushed past Sasori, pausing momentarily and speaking in a low voice. "Then I don't want to stay here and be reminded of that every day, un."

Deidara brushed past him and he heard him walk through the apartment and stop at the front door, fumbling with the lock as he slipped on his shoes. Sasori followed him and stopped a few feet away, crossing his arms and leaning against the half wall, watching him. Deidara finally unlocked the door and opened it. He took a step outside then stopped again, and his grip on the doorknob tightened. "I'll come back in a few days for the rest of my stuff, un."

Sasori leaned against the doorframe as he watched Deidara walk away, digging his nails into his arms and wishing he knew what to say to make him stay. But he didn't and the words wouldn't come to him magically right now.

But then suddenly Deidara stopped and he turned around and took a few long strides. He grabbed Sasori by the arm and he kissed him, full on the lips, surprising the redhead so much that when he pulled back and loosened his grip, Sasori stumbled back a few steps, eyes wide, staring at Deidara's smirk but heartbroken eyes.

"I deserve that," he said quietly, "You were an ass and you were an insensitive asshole. So I deserve a kiss to remember you by."

And then he turned around and disappeared around the corner.

**.author's notes: look, hi, i'm alive! it's summer vacation and i'm a high school graduate and look i updated please don't kill me i'm sorry. i am nearing the climax, this is so very very exciting. i hope you enjoyed this chapter, i apologize for the wait, reviews are very much appreciated!**

**and just shameless self promoting, i am using my tumblr blog (incandescia . tumblr . com) to do short drabble requests (a pairing and a theme and a short drabble type thing) and i would very much appreciate if you took some time out of your day to check it out .**


	17. forty one days

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter seventeen: forty one days.**_

Deidara had returned a few days later along with Ino, to Sasori's great displeasure when he opened the door to see not just one, but two blondes standing there. They just stared at each other for a few moments, without moving or speaking. Though only three days had passed, it felt like eternity; Sasori hadn't been able to sleep since Deidara stormed out. He replayed that night in his head endlessly, wishing he hadn't blurted out what he had, wishing he could have made Deidara stay without lying to him. The apartment was far too big for just one person. Even though Sasori enjoyed being in solitude, he found that it was eerily, deathly silence without Deidara, like some kind of a light had extinguished itself when he left.

Deidara was the one to break the silence, as usual, muttering "can I get the rest of my stuff?" Sasori stepped aside to allow the siblings in, giving a curt nod to Ino who smiled at him brightly. He couldn't help it; he didn't like Ino very much, though it wasn't technically her fault. She commented on how neat it was before going to Deidara's room and helping him to pack up. Sasori couldn't bring himself to stand in Deidara's room as he cleared it out, so he sat at the kitchen table, pretending to be studying.

"Ino, you go downstairs first, all right?"

"Yeah, just don't keep me waiting!"

Deidara watched his sister take the box of mostly his books and some sheets (things that weren't too heavy) and waited until the door closed to turn to Sasori, who was still sitting at the table. He strode over and dropped the box he was holding, a much heavier one, and was secretly pleased to see Sasori jump at the sound.

"…Oi." He didn't like how awkward this was; he wasn't sure how to address Sasori anymore. Calling him by his name felt too awkward but calling him by his nickname didn't feel right either; even looking at him was hard, and it took everything he had to keep eye contact as Sasori turned to him. He still looked like Sasori, with his pale skin, bags under his seemingly eternally smirking eyes, and red hair. But he also looked so tired, so drained, and Deidara wanted to ask him what was wrong, but couldn't bring himself to, as all that he thought of when he saw Sasori was that night. "How's your studying?"

"Fine," Sasori answered and he brought up a hand to rub his eyes, "Adjusting to living with family again?"

Deidara shrugged, hating how this conversation sounded so effortless but took so much effort to stay calm. Because even if he missed Sasori so incredibly much, he couldn't help but hate him right now too; his ego was bruised and he wanted to stay far, far away but he couldn't. "I just told them that I had been crashing here for a while, un. But then you had those exams and I didn't want to disturb you so I moved out. It's basically the truth."

"You weren't disturbing me."

The blonde looked up, a wry smile on his dry lips. "Trust me, danna, I was, un."

Sasori opened his mouth but decided against it and looked back at his study materials. Ever since Deidara left, he had moved out of his study because he didn't need to hole himself up in there anymore; he felt a bit too isolated, too left alone. It was slightly better to be in a more open space but it still didn't feel right knowing that no one was in the room with art splattered on the wall.

"Your money," Deidara said suddenly and Sasori glanced up to see him toss a wad of bills onto the table, "Long overdue, un. But at least I paid."

"Thanks," Sasori said automatically, staring at the money. He wished Deidara didn't give it to him because it would be one reason to go find him again; now that he wasn't indebted to him anymore, Sasori had no reason to keep talking to him.

In fact, that was selfish, wasn't it? He probably hurt Deidara by talking to him, after the way he treated him that night. But even though he couldn't say he returned his feelings, he didn't want to lose him; Deidara wasn't just another friend anymore, he was something more than that, but Sasori didn't know how to put it into words and tell him.

Silent again, Sasori just looked down and he felt an unconscious pressure from Deidara to say something. He knew Deidara still wanted a real answer, a definitive one. And Sasori couldn't give him one yet because he still wasn't sure; he spent the last three days agonizing over it, trying to make a decision. But this wasn't something he could just think through clearly; falling in love, evidently, didn't follow a set of guidelines and it wasn't as if there was a list of criteria for him to check off. He would know if he was in love; he would know if he wasn't. But he was somewhere in between and he honestly couldn't give Deidara an answer.

"I miss you," the redhead said quietly after a long silence. That was the truth; he could say that honestly.

Deidara smiled slightly and looked down, bowing his head. "I do too, un. Have you been eating?"

Sasori's mind flashed back to the moldy piece of bread he had nibbled on. "Yes."

"Liar."

Sasori laughed softly and looked up, feeling his heart flip when he looked up to see Deidara's eyes on him, clear blue and gentle, hauntingly beautiful and sad. His eyes softened and he said "you know me well" quietly and Deidara just nodded. They held each other's gaze and it felt like something was different, like a kind of trance as they stared at each other, lost in the present moment.

And then suddenly the spell was broken; Deidara blinked and they were back in reality. "I should go," he mumbled and picked up the boxes. Sasori just sat at the table quietly as he heard Deidara hesitate by the door and drop the keys on the table before leaving, closing the door behind him. Immediately, Sasori got up and walked to where Deidara's old room was and peeked in and he instantly smiled, feeling his heart skip a beat in both relief and happiness.

He had taken Sasori's puppets.

**-X-x-X-**

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

"No."

Ino immediately pouted and noticed that Deidara's steps quickened because of his nerves. "You are! Don't lie to me, Deidara!"

"I'm not in love with him, un."

"Then why'd you stay behind to talk to him?"

"That doesn't mean I'm in love with him."

"Come on," she called as the distance between them increased, "You're in love with him. Just admit it."

Deidara just glared at Ino as he glanced at her over his shoulder but didn't deny it, to which she squealed at and hurried her steps to catch up with her brother's long strides as they continued walking home, a fifteen to twenty minute walk that wasn't too bad when there was company. "So why'd you move out?" she pressed, grinning at him, "I mean, he feels the same way, doesn't he?"

"…How did you know?" Deidara asked finally, ignoring Ino's other questions. She puffed her cheeks out in annoyance but shrugged, deciding she could pester about those in a few moments.

"I can just tell," she answered, "It's that atmosphere. The way you look at him. The way you talked to him. The way your eyes softened and your smirk seemed less evil and more amused, how you unconsciously moved closer to him, how your body leaned towards him when he began speaking. The way he looked at you and—"

"He doesn't look at me in any way," Deidara interrupted, tightening his hold on his boxes and Ino's eyes widened, "He doesn't feel the same way, un."

"Oh." That was all she said and she looked away, walking with him in silence. After a few minutes elapsed she spoke again, in a much quieter voice. "Is that why you moved out?"

Deidara stayed silent, his mind wandering to Sasori, a topic he had tried to avoid for the past three days. And he had initially been successful; he managed to busy himself with Ino and med school. In fact, he almost deluded himself into thinking that he didn't have time for Sasori, that he had to move on and just stop thinking about him. But once night time came and he retreated to bed (knowing better than to pull an all nighter), he relaxed, and when he relaxed, Sasori invaded his thoughts again.

As each day passed, it was like the pain grew stronger when he thought it would ebb away. Time healed pain, he thought, that was the biggest load of bullshit he had ever heard. Time didn't make heal lesson, it intensified it; absence didn't make the heart grow fonder, it drove him crazy. He couldn't help but think about Sasori and wonder how he was, if he was eating, if he was living, or if he was just studying obsessively.

He finally plucked up the courage and text him to tell him he was going to pick up the rest of his stuff. A few moments later, Sasori's text returned and he was slightly disheartened by the simple and emotionless 'all right.' He told Ino he needed her help, stuffed the money that he had managed to scrounge up the last few months in an envelope and set off, determined on making it quick and easy; just walk, get the stuff, and leave. He had even made a list of everything he was going to get so he wouldn't have to spend any time loitering in there and thinking.

But once Sasori opened the door, Deidara just froze. It was like in his mind the image of Sasori was slowly muddling away into a blob; he knew of Sasori and he knew of his face but he couldn't recreate it anymore. Seeing Sasori in the doorway was like seeing him again for the first time, every crisp detail was there and he subconsciously began engraving it in his mind so he'd never forget it. He had to tear his eyes away, knowing that the longer he stared, the deeper he'd fall into the trap that he had laid out for himself.

He was quick in his room, using his list to pack up everything. But then he saw the puppets and he didn't have them on his list. They were too painful to take, a reminder of how everything had been all right, a reminder that Deidara had been hopeful and happy at one point. It was an instantaneous decision for him to take them; he thought he was crazy, he even wondered if he was becoming a masochist. But he couldn't leave them here, not after everything he had been through with Sasori. He needed some kind of a memento, after all, and remembering Sasori by his art would be the only justified way to remember him by.

He put them back in the box and carefully set it in his larger one, being sure it wasn't crushed by anything else as he went outside, leaving his room. He planned on walking straight outside but something stopped him and he found himself gravitating towards Sasori sitting at the kitchen table. He was thin again, Deidara noted with a pang, he was thin and pale and while he would have been glad to think it wasn't only because of his bar exams, he knew it was only because of those stupid exams.

He hadn't planned on talking to him; talking to Sasori was a trap. Because when he heard Sasori's voice, he nearly keeled over; he missed talking to him so much and the sound of his voice did horrible things to Deidara's mind. But he forced himself to stay composed throughout the conversation, an oddly normal sounding conversation, considering what happened.

What he wanted was to shake Sasori until he got an answer because he knew that unless he got an answer, he'd never be able to let it go and move on. But Sasori wasn't giving one and Deidara wasn't about to grovel at his feet for one; he had too much pride for that and his ego was still hurt from that night. His last memories of Sasori were that confession and the kiss; his lips still tingled and he still felt his nerves set on fire when he thought about that kiss, his stomach flipping and he almost felt nauseous.

The longer he stood there with Sasori, the worse he felt, so he had to leave. His mind didn't want to but he forced his body to move and head straight out the apartment, hesitating to leave the keys, because that made his moving out official.

By the time Deidara was out of his thoughts, he and Ino had arrived back at his aunt and uncle's house (he couldn't bring himself to call it home) and he realized they had walked in silence. Before they entered, he turned to her and smiled softly, painfully.

"Yeah it is."

**-X-x-X-**

_"Are you going to the New Year's party at Konan's?"_

_ "Guess I have to," Sasori muttered, hearing Itachi open his refrigerator and peer instead, clicking his tongue in disapproval, "Konan won't let me not go."_

_ "Will it be awkward with Deidara?" news of what happened had traveled fast, starting when Hidan showed up just an hour after Deidara left and Sasori told him curtly of the blonde's departure, slamming the door shut in his face. He had pounded for about an hour before Sasori gave him a brief overview and slammed the door shut. He ignored Hidan for the next hour._

_ "I don't have to speak to him."_

_ "But you're in love with him."_

_ "What's wrong with you?"_

_ "What's wrong with you?" Itachi answered, frowning, "You're living off of turnips."_

_ Sasori gave him no answer and just shook his head as he circled an answer and continued working. Truth to be told, at this point in his preparations he knew it wouldn't be a life or death situation anymore. His scores on the practice tests seemed to be stable, and so that was why he was even giving Itachi the time of his day. As long as he kept this up for the next month he wasn't too worried. _

_ "Sasori," Itachi sat down across from the redhead at the table and looked at him seriously, waiting until he looked up to continue, "You are the only one who either doesn't realize you're in love with Deidara or you won't admit it. Admit it and go talk to him."_

_ Instantly, the half lidded brown eyes narrowed as he scowled, annoyance etched on his face. He hated it when people brought this up; this wasn't something he wanted to talk about because it still pained him, because he didn't have any answers. And when he didn't know something, he didn't want to talk about it because he didn't know what to say._

_ "What's it to you?" he shot back at Itachi._

_ To his surprise, Itachi didn't run down a list of reasons that he had prepared beforehand. Instead, he just shrugged nonchalantly, smiling slightly._

_ "You're my friend. Deidara is my friend, I think. I don't like to see both of you in so much anguish."_

Itachi had stopped by earlier, keeping Sasori occupied for about an hour, before he left again, saying he had to cook a dish with Kisame. The redhead taunted him lightly about that and he could see Itachi's own taunt about Sasori's lack of a relationship, but had the tact to not say anything. Sasori was grateful for that.

And now, three more days had passed and it was December 31 and Akasuna Sasori found himself standing in front of Konan and Pein's apartment, rapping his knuckles on the door as he held a bowl of pasta salad (see, he could tell them, he didn't live off of fruit and vegetables, there was also pasta.) The last three days passed like any other: study, occasionally step outside to greet humanity, study, sometimes let humanity into his house, study, end up letting his mind wander to Deidara. A pretty miserable existence, even by Sasori's standards. He could hardly recall how he spent the last three days; it was almost like he was in a daze as he tried to avoid reality, avoid thinking about Deidara. He didn't have to go to school that often and that spared him from seeing Deidara, which he was grateful for.

But he knew he couldn't avoid him at this party and just his luck, Deidara was the one to open the door.

The blonde seemed just as surprised to see him as the redhead was as they stared at each other silently over the threshold. He looked paler, Sasori noted immediately, more stressed. He was starting to look like a med student and he hated it.

"Sasori!" Konan was the one to break the trance between him as she smiled, showing up behind Deidara, "You're finally here! Your grandmother kept you for a while, huh?"

Sasori saw Deidara's eyebrow quirk just a bit and after he handed Konan the pasta salad he glanced at him. "Final study materials and what to bring on test day."

"Ah."

And then Sasori walked off, never once turning around to look at him again, doing an excellent job of not going out of his way to pretend Deidara didn't exist but also not going out of his way to speak to him. Deidara seemed to do the same thing and part of Sasori was disappointed; he had wanted Deidara to try to talk to him, but at the same time he knew he was wrong and had to talk to him first, yet didn't want to admit it. It was his ego getting in the way and his brain made up excuses; nevertheless, the entire evening was pleasant and nothing out of the ordinary. They just lounged around and played games (board games and card games, mostly) and just talked about anything, just like any other party.

And then it was midnight. Konan and Pein shared a sweet smile before leaning in, Hidan and Kakuzu were much less romantic as they bumped foreheads, and Kisame and Itachi kissed chastely (Deidara noted Konan's smirk as she watched them and Pein's sigh). The two artists really didn't feel that bad about not having anyone to kiss until Tobi suggested they kiss to make up.

They both tried to kill him.

It was after one when they all began leaving and Sasori and Deidara headed the same way; where Deidara now lived was just a few blocks down from Sasori's apartment. The walk was quiet and Sasori hoped for Deidara to talk, to say anything, to even yell at him. He wanted an excuse to talk to him again; he missed conversing with him so badly. Even if he couldn't answer Deidara's feelings, he still missed him, a kind of ache that was far more than losing a friend, yet he wasn't sure if he could tell him he was in love with him.

And then a New Year's miracle was bestowed upon him when Deidara finally spoke, the first time to Sasori after the redhead had arrived at Konan's.

"When are your exams?" Deidara asked quietly and Sasori sighed, putting his hands in his coat pockets, masking the exuberance he felt that he was being addressed.

"February tenth."

"Just a bit over five weeks. Forty one days?"

"Yeah."

Deidara sighed and looked up, smiling the first genuine smile he had seen from him, one that Sasori knew he didn't deserve. "Good luck, un."

The blonde turned around and began to head towards his new place (Sasori cringed to think of it.) Sasori knew he should have let him go, he didn't have anything to say to him; he couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear. But as he watched Deidara leave, he felt oddly reminiscent of six days ago when Deidara left, an image that haunted him and made him toss and turn in his sleep, full of regrets of not knowing what to say to make him stay. He would do anything to have Deidara stay, just a moment longer, even call out to him right now.

As soon as Deidara turned around, Sasori realized he had no idea why he did that because he didn't have anything to say. He stared blankly at Deidara, feeling guilt claw at him as the med student just looked at him calmly and patiently. All Sasori could do was mutter a 'never mind' and look away as Deidara turned around and began walking away again.

_Forty one days_, Sasori thought and looked up at the dark sky, snowflakes beginning to sprinkle down. He didn't even have the energy to smile; he just closed his eyes and sighed.

_Forty one days._

**forty days**

The day after the party, Sasori was back to all work, all business. He set up a study station in the living room and made a plan as to what to study every day. Deidara didn't call or stop by again for the pencil he left on the kitchen counter or the sock that Sasori found in the laundry machine but he refused to admit disappointment. He wasn't physically there but he seemed to be pressing mentally in Sasori's mind constantly, and the redhead had to struggle to keep him out to study.

It was so eerily quiet that it was almost too easy to concentrate; Sasori missed the interruptions and being forced to eat.

But he only had forty days.

Or as Deidara would say, he had forty days.

He smirked as he opened his book.

_We were always opposites._

**thirty seven days**

Kisame and Itachi, frankly, had enough. All they wanted (well, all Itachi wanted) was to make get Konan to notice them because she was behind all of this, thinking she could manipulate them by puppets. And Itachi wouldn't have that.

But their friends just kept having problems; first she preoccupied herself with Hidan and Kakuzu and now it was with Sasori and Deidara. And thus, Itachi decided to help figure out this Sasori and Deidara mess by going to the headmaster of it all: Tsunade.

They had walked in, straight past the receptionist and barged into the blonde haired woman's office, Itachi's glare matching Tsunade's. She just sighed and put her pen down and leaned against the back of her chair, her hands crossed across her arms and she raised an eyebrow to ask Itachi what he wanted.

"Why did you accept Iwa Deidara into the medical school?"

Kisame closed the door quietly behind him and joined Itachi in standing in front of Tsunade. Itachi asked his question calmly and evenly, never once breaking the gaze he held with the headmaster and Kisame looked between them, feeling slightly intimidated. He had never noticed how Itachi and Tsunade actually resembled each other.

"I accepted him so he'd realize he's not supposed to be here," Tsunade answered finally after a pause and shrugged, "That's why."

Itachi had never been one to stare stupidly at a professor, but he couldn't help it as he uttered an incredulous 'what?' as Kisame just gaped at Tsunade. They had come to seek her, being worried about Sasori and Deidara, and ask why she accepted Deidara into the medical school because that, it seemed, was where it all began to go wrong. They, like Konan, wanted to help them get back together again and to at least reconcile their friendship, and wanted to begin at the very beginning of it all and also figure out something everyone had been wondering.

The blonde removed her glasses and placed them on her desk. She folded her arms and leaned back in her chair, looking up at her two students and almost smiled as she began speaking again. "Iwa Deidara is the kind of student that knows he can achieve anything he wants, but just isn't clear on what the right thing is. I accepted him because I knew he wouldn't flunk out and because if I told him he didn't belong here he wouldn't listen. He had to learn that for himself. He took a year off and he was happy, but then he tried to come back because of his sister's wishes, I believe. He's an artist, not a doctor, not a scientist. He just needed to realize that."

Kisame couldn't help but scoff. "That's an awfully roundabout way to do it."

"Hoshigaki, you want me to kick you out of the business school?"

"…No ma'am."

**thirty five days**

When Pein visited Deidara, the blonde instantly slammed the door shut in his face and Pein had to pick the lock to get in. Luckily Deidara was home alone; otherwise he would have had three other people trying to force him out.

"Are you going to speak to Sasori?"

"No."

"Good."

Deidara stopped from walking away Pein and turned around, a suspicious look on his face as he looked at the orange haired man that he considered one of his best friends, regarding him a bit warily right now. "You're not going to tell me to forgive him, un?"

Pein smirked and shook his head. "He owes you an answer. You did nothing wrong. So you shouldn't be the one to make it easy for Sasori."

"Well, he may have not wanted to reject me so—"

"He's in love with you," Pein interjected quietly, looking Deidara straight in the eye, "He won't admit it, but he is. Just… wait for him to realize it, all right? I promise it'll happen soon and, when it does, he's going to have to say it, to make up for hurting you like this."

Deidara was quiet, trying to digest what Pein was saying. But he didn't feel better at all, he still felt terrible, like crap, and ashamed. He closed his eyes and shook his head, smiling dryly. "He's not in love with me, un.

The orange haired man just sighed as he gazed at the younger male. They had been through quite a bit together; Deidara really was one of his best friends. He had seen him at his low point (the hobo era) and his high point (when he was with Sasori) and it pained him to see Deidara on this rollercoaster, seemingly crashing. He wished they could see it but knew he couldn't do anything and he just sighed again, shaking his head slightly.

_You don't know that, Deidara._

**thirty three days**

Two days later, Deidara was still thinking of what Pein had said.

He would be lying if he said that he never thought about Sasori reciprocating his feelings, if he never thought about how a happy ending could be like, never imagined spending a lifetime with Sasori. Of course he thought about it; he thought about what would happen if Sasori had smiled softly that night and said he felt the same way and how they would go home together and everything would be different yet nothing would change.

He wondered where he would be right now if Sasori had felt the same way, what he would be doing right now. Would he be at home or school, studying or sleeping, talking to Sasori or dragging him out to eat? How would he feel, would he be happy or annoyed, bored or excited? So many hypothetical questions flurried his mind and he made up so many scenarios but he would always stop and sigh because he'd remember that they were just that: hypothetical scenarios.

Things didn't happen that way and Deidara was painfully aware of that.

He wasn't home. He was at family's house, which should've felt like home but it didn't. It just felt like someone's house where he was currently staying. He was in a makeshift room, sitting with all his books surrounding him, in a room where not everything was unpacked and strewn about the room like at home. He didn't bother unpacking because he didn't plan on staying here for long; it was at home, at Sasori's apartment, where he wanted to stay.

He spent every day agonizing over that day, regretting his words. He wished he could go back and never say them because he missed Sasori so much. He missed living with him and seeing him; he missed talking to him and arguing with him. He missed everything about Sasori, but most of all, he missed the feeling Sasori gave him. That side of love, the happy, good side.

He missed looking at Sasori and feeling elation, feeling happiness, feeling hope. He missed wanting to always smile, wanting to be in that moment; he missed feeling good even though he was in his world's worst nightmare. He missed that Sasori could help him, could influence him that much to make him feel like he never had before.

He hated that he didn't even know how to address him anymore. At their last meeting and even at the New Year's party, he just didn't know if he should address him as 'danna' or 'Sasori.' 'Danna' seemed too familiar and the nickname pained him to use because he had used it back when everything as all right. Yet calling Sasori by his name didn't feel right; they were far too close for Deidara to call him that when he wasn't angry and about to beat him up.

Deidara was still able to catch a glimpse of Sasori every now and then; the redhead showed his face on campus every few days to ask a question or pick something up. But even then it wasn't very likely to see him because the med school and law school were far. But Deidara knew that Sasori typically came once every three days, between the hours of nine and eleven, hours where he was awake and didn't have anything else to do, choosing every three days to come because he didn't want to come on an even number and three seemed the most reasonable. Somehow he just knew this without thinking and he just sighed, smiling slightly.

_I know so much about someone that doesn't want me. Tragic._

The blonde often strolled around the law campus those times on those days, using the excuse that it was peaceful (it was) and he needed to study. He did get a few looks from law students but once they recognized who he was, they backed away because not only was he prodigal Iwa Deidara he was also the (ex) roommate and friend of prodigal Akasuna Sasori.

He wasn't sure if Sasori saw him; probably not, considering Deidara was usually behind a tree or something. He missed having to work this hard to catch a glimpse of the redhead when he used to just have to walk up to him and not even have anything to say. Everything was different now and he hated it; he didn't think that he would lose Sasori like this. Maybe a bit of distance, but this sudden complete severing of their relationship wasn't something he expected.

It made his heart ache, it made him want to scream; it made him want to go crazy, to lose his mind to lose everything he had with Sasori this suddenly, without a warning. All he had to remember him by was a kiss, a single, one sided kiss.

Yet he managed to keep a smile (or at least not a glare) on his face and go to class. His grades rose even more (solid A's became solid A+s) and it seemed that it was a good thing. But he wasn't happy; he was even less happy than before. Not only was he in this jail, but he lost the only thing that made it slightly bearable.

He missed Sasori more than words could describe but couldn't swallow his pride enough to talk to him first.

Deidara was so adamant that he had done nothing wrong, that Sasori was the one at fault. Sasori owed him an answer; Sasori owed him an apology, not the other way around. Deidara just had to wait; he wasn't going to make this easy and go talk to Sasori first.

_But…_

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, hating that it didn't recline like the one at home.

_…I really miss you._

**thirty one days**

"Did you finish your part of the project?"

"Yes."

"Did you email the professor our questions?"

"Yes."

"Are you getting annoyed at Konan?"

"Ye—what?" Kisame asked dumbly and stared at Itachi with a dumbfounded expression, wondering what Konan had to do with school. The Uchiha just sighed and crossed his arms irritably.

"She has not acted at all what I expected. She hasn't noticed us or pushed us together, which is quite discouraging for I'd like to stop pretending we aren't together sometime soon…"

"Aw, Itachi, it's all right!" a new voice interjected and Itachi's eyes widened as he saw Konan walk up to them at their table in the courtyard, a smug smile on her face, "Since I could tell you two were already together, you didn't need any help, did you? Don't try to mess with me, Uchiha," she added in a low voice and Itachi actually gulped in fear at the woman.

"Konan, what are you doing here?" Kisame asked in an attempt to lighten the situation and the girl smiled, holding up a bento.

"Bringing Deidara lunch! I've wanted to speak to him anyway. Thought I'd stop by the business school and see how you two are doing though. Well, continue your couple activities!" And she left before Itachi could retort, a smile on her face.

Konan really would have preferred to let the two of them resolve this on their own, but she knew they wouldn't. And with Sasori's bar exams coming up, a bomb would have to go off in his apartment for him to even stir. While she was certainly closer to Sasori, she had decided to visit Deidara first, knowing he was easier to talk to because she also had to talk Sasori into realizing things.

While Konan couldn't say she understood Sasori, what she did plan on telling Deidara was to not take what Sasori said too seriously. She knew him well and knew that he wasn't the most graceful in handling people's emotions. He wasn't used to having people care about him and actually tell him; he wasn't used to receiving love in that manner and his first instinct would be to push it away because he didn't want to be hurt.

From what she had heard, Sasori seemed to have brushed off his confession, trying to play it off nonchalantly, something he had done a few times before when people tried to get close to him. But when she saw them at the New Year's party, Sasori looked uncomfortable and not because he was in the same room as the person he rejected. He looked uncomfortable because he didn't know how to act around him, how to fix what he messed up. And that was when Konan realized that he hadn't meant to hurt Deidara like that; it was his first, natural reaction and he couldn't help it. He wanted to set it right and apologize but he didn't know how.

"Deidara!"

The blonde, who had been talking to someone Konan suddenly realized, looked up and he smiled at her. She stopped a few meters away and watched as he told the girl he had been talking to he had to leave, smirking at her heartbroken face as the blonde walked away. "You're popular with the girls here, aren't you?" she asked once he was in earshot and he just laughed.

"Guys too, un. Did you need something?"

"Lunch!" she answered and held up the bento, "I've heard that med students forget to eat even though they should know the most about what happens if they starve themselves. Do you have time?" she added as he took the bento and peeked under the cover.

"It's the least I can do after you brought me food, un," he smirked and gestured towards a nearby bench. She nodded and they crossed the small distance, sitting down together on the wooden bench. She heard him take out the wooden chopsticks and broke them before he opened the cover and begin mixing the fried noodles. "So what did you really want?"

"Will you kill me if I said I wanted to talk to you about Sasori?"

"…Well, you brought me food," Deidara sighed, even smirking slightly, "I won't kill you after you show me that kind of kindness, un. So talk."

"He didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm going to throw this at you, un."

Konan just rolled her eyes but kept a small smile on her face as she cast her eyes down, looking at the blades of grass pressing against her flats. "He didn't," she continued, "You probably know Sasori better than any of us, but there are just some things about him that you find out only with time. Sasori didn't mean to hurt you. Maybe it sounds like he did and you have every reason to think that because Sasori pushes people away if they try to get too close; maybe you think you tried to get too close too quickly. But he's sad without you. I've seen him around and at New Year's. He's sad. That means he didn't mean to hurt you, he didn't mean to push you away like that. He misses you. He didn't mean to hurt you."

Deidara stayed quiet and continued eating, although he seemed to be much more contemplative. If she turned to look at him, she would've seen that his blue eyes were narrowed and his grip on the chopsticks had tightened as he chewed on it. Konan leaned back and looked upwards, smiling as she felt the sun's warm rays on her face.

"Sasori's a good person. He is, and I know you know that too. He just… he's very emotionally guarded, you know? But ever since you came into his life he's become… more human. He used to be so controlled by his grandmother, almost like he was a puppet, just like those in his study. But then after you guys moved in together, he actually smiled and he became… nice. Well, as nice as Sasori can be. And Sasori treats people how they treat him. So you were kind to him and you helped him; he doesn't want to hurt you, just doesn't know how to be nice to you because he's not used to loving and being loved."

She stopped talking again and just listened to the soft atmosphere of the courtyard, to students complaining about upcoming tests and talking about all sorts of medical things that made Konan's head pound. It was weird to think she was sitting next to one of the brightest kids and he wasn't anything like them, and it pained her to remember that he didn't want to be them either.

"Just wait for Sasori, okay?" Konan turned to him, seeing his narrowed eyes, "Wait for him to realize it. He's new at this. He needs time. He has to figure it out. He has to think it through carefully because that's the lawyer part of him. Wait for him, because I promise when he thinks it through, he'll try to right the wrong."

For the first time in more than ten minutes, Deidara turned to her, looking the most vulnerable she had ever seen him. His eyes suddenly seemed so lucid and clear and sad, and Konan thought she could see everything he was feeling from that night flooding back to him, emotions he had suppressed for so long. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and had no trace of confidence or the arrogance it usually possessed.

"Do you really think so?"

She just smiled and moved over, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, embracing him gently and feeling him rest his face on her shoulder. She closed her eyes and felt him relax, leaning into her, like he was tired of pretending to be fine for the last few days, like nothing was wrong, like he could deal with it.

"I really do."

**twenty eight days**

Sasori was still studying.

He set up three day cycles: test, relax, and review what he missed. He knew he needed that day of relaxation otherwise he would study himself right into the hospital again and he didn't want to risk hindering his exams in any way possible. There was less than a month until the exams, exactly four weeks and he knew that at this point, he couldn't make a huge different. He just had to keep up his current scores.

He also knew he needed that one day of relaxation because otherwise he wouldn't be able to be productive the other two. Deidara still pervaded his mind every possible waking moment and so he had to set aside a day where he could actually entertain those thoughts, make it possible for him to block them out the other two days.

He wouldn't get out of his mind, no matter what Sasori did. And he was tired of having him there constantly, a consistent, nagging presence that drove Sasori crazy.

He missed him so much, so insanely much that on multiple occasions he almost walked over to where he was now to see him, just to see him.

What he did was unforgiveable and Deidara had absolutely no reason to speak to him again or even look at him. Sasori owed him an answer but the redhead was scared that he would never be able to give him an answer, much less the one he wanted.

He missed Deidara's energy and how he made him feel; he missed being infatuated with the blonde and loving his company; he missed his presence and their arguments. He missed all the little things that used to annoy Sasori, he missed their fights, he missed the stony silences and hours of broken conversations that were easily picked up.

He missed Deidara so much he couldn't stand it, but he couldn't bring himself to fathom the reason why.

**twenty seven days**

Deidara really, really wanted to cut open a person.

He didn't have to be alive. He just wanted to cut; he wanted some kind of an outlet for everything he was feeling and somehow he imagined that cutting would be the most suitable way. A cadaver, that was; he wasn't a licensed surgeon (yet, he thought dryly). If there was one good thing that came out of this it was that he had finally decided to become a surgeon; it was an idea he had toyed around with. Not just a specialist or a regular physician, but a surgeon.

He wanted to be in control, to have someone's life in his hands. He wanted to save them, to matter, to know that someone appreciated him. He craved control right now, a time where he felt he was losing everything. He lost Sasori because of his stupidity, he was losing his friends because he didn't know how to interact with them, and he lost his life, the life he wanted, because he wanted to keep Ino.

And the thing was, Ino didn't even seem happy anymore. When he talked to her about how med school was, she didn't grin proudly like before. She always hesitated before a forced smile and didn't congratulate him; she was becoming quiet and sullen, avoiding the topic of school altogether and Deidara had no idea why, but it just made him regret his decision even more.

He found himself wondering how Sasori was doing while he was supposed to be learning about the human anatomy, wondering how his studying was going and how he was, with fewer than four weeks until his stupid exams.

He wondered if Sasori was eating, if he was getting enough sun; if he was talking to anyone, if he and his grandmother had spoken. But mostly he wondered if what Konan said was true, if he did just have to wait for Sasori.

But then he would scoff; why would Sasori make him wait? Sasori would never be hypocritical; he'd never make someone wait based on something like feelings, which Sasori probably found frivolous anyway.

He missed Sasori.

He regretted that night; he wanted to take it back and stay as they were. Even when he knew Sasori hated him for going back to med school, they talked at least. Sasori found it in himself to forgive him and let things go back to almost normal, a faux normal, and that was a onetime thing, something Deidara didn't even expect to happen.

But he needed an outlet for all of this because burying it all under the current wouldn't work. He was ready to burst, he just really needed to cut something…

"Next week, we'll be dissecting cadavers. Please get in groups of three and choose one, and only one, to be the leader…"

Deidara's eyes widened as he instantly heard whispers and people were looking at him (they all wanted a good grade and knew working with the prodigy would guarantee that), blinking a few times.

He was surprised that he wanted so badly actually came true.

He was only disappointed that it came in the form of a scalpel and a dead body.

**twenty six days**

When Pein asked Konan why she was more involved in Sasori and Deidara's love life than they were, she just snapped at him "Deidara saved my life and Sasori's always been there for me, I can't let them be miserable without doing something about it!" and stalked out of the apartment, leaving a surprised orange haired man in her wake.

And it was true, she thought as she started walking to Sasori's apartment, a mere twenty minutes away. Deidara did save her back then in the alleyway and Sasori had always been there to help and listen, even before Pein was. They had both helped her so much, brought her joy in her life and to see them miserable and stubborn pained her and simply fueled her desire to help them.

She had just passed by the school when her phone buzzed and she pulled it out, seeing a text from Deidara. When she glanced up, she saw him with a group of other people, his blonde hair unmistakable. Their eyes met for a moment before she looked away to read his text.

_Are you going to see danna?_

She smiled and texted back without having to stop walking; it was something she learned how to do a while ago to save time.

_Yes. Do you want to come with?_

A few moments later his answer came.

_Funny, Konan. Make sure he's eating, okay?_

She laughed quietly to herself and it died down to a soft smile.

_Wish you could do that yourself._

It took a bit longer for his response to come and when it did, Konan felt inexplicably sad.

_Me too._

It took her seven more minutes to reach Sasori's apartment complex and another three to make it up to his apartment, where she then rapped her knuckles on the door patiently and waited for him to answer. The good thing about visiting Sasori was that he never kept anyone waiting at the door long; within five seconds, the door was open and Sasori stood there, brown eyes wide with surprise. She took in his disheveled appearance and sighed.

"Konan what are you—"

"Sasori, have you showered?"

"…Yes, I—"

"Have you done any laundry?"

"Er…"

"Sasori, are you functioning as a member of society?" she clicked her tongue at him and walked in, surveying the immaculate apartment. At least that part of his brain wasn't taken over by the exams, she thought dryly. His apartment would always be neat but as for his person… well, she couldn't say much.

"Konan, did you need something?" he asked as he walked up behind her. She turned around to look at him and sighed again, shaking her head. It was quite evident that Sasori wasn't feeding himself the way Deidara would and he even seemed a bit sleep deprived.

"Yeah," she smiled, "Do you have a minute?"

He nodded and she smiled brightly as she took a seat on the couch, staying quiet as he sat down next to her and rested his arms across the back of the couch, leaning into the leather and sighing quietly. "Konan," he said quietly in a calm voice, "Don't keep me waiting. What do you want?"

She looked over at him simply and asked her question directly.

"Do you miss Deidara?"

The question caught Sasori off guard and he looked up to see Konan gazing at him calmly, her amber eyes serene. He hesitated for a moment before scowling and looking away. "We were going to separate eventually anyway."

"That doesn't mean you don't miss him."

"He's not someone I'd want to be with anyway," Sasori spat, feeling his cheeks start to color, "We're far too different to be able to be together." He didn't say it but Konan heard the implied meaning, how he had just subtly admitted to liking Deidara and she laughed softly. He glared at her lightly but sighed and looked away again. The blue haired girl watched him for a few moments, noting his obvious discomfort before she moved over to be closer and started speaking again.

"You are you and he is he," Konan smiled softly at Sasori, "You can't change who he is; only accept him. I know you, Sasori, and the advantage that I have is that I'm not you and I don't see you through a skewed vision of what you want to see yourself as. You're in love with Deidara even if you deny it. You can't change him into who you are, honest and straightforward. He may be deceptive and may be hypocritical, but it was all for your sake. He's in love with you. You're in love with him. He is he. You are you. It's as simple as that."

"It's not simple like—"

"Stop being a lawyer, Sasori," Konan scolded, flicking his forehead lightly, to which he glared at her, "It is as simple as that. Love is just like that. You're in love with Deidara and he's in love with you, and that's all you need to be in love. He told you; the least you can do is tell him. You're in love with him, Sasori, and I know you know it deep down but you don't want to admit it because you're scared of being vulnerable and getting hurt. Take a chance. Take a risk. It may turn out to be the best thing in your life."

**twenty three days**

Sasori jolted awake to the sound of rain hitting his window, his apartment dark. He looked around and saw the time flashing on his clock, 7:13 PM. He sighed, he had fallen asleep for nearly four hours, he mused as he got up and flicked on a light switch and instantly the apartment became flooded with light. Konan's words from three days ago were still ringing in his head.

Was he in love with him?

Sasori had to think about that.

What he hated about feelings was that there wasn't a clear map or a set of criteria he could use to help him realize things. He could easily tell that he was infatuated with Deidara because he thought of him as more than a friend, indicated by the accelerated heartbeat and the fact that almost anything Deidara did made him smile.

But as far as Sasori knew, love was a completely different thing.

People fell in love for a reason. They didn't walk into it just like people didn't fall on purpose. He couldn't properly discern if he had fallen yet or if this was just a very strong crush.

Part of him didn't want to be in love with Deidara because he didn't want to be hurt eventually. People hurt him; they always did at one point or another. Ever since his grandmother lied to him about his parents, he built a wall, unable to trust anyone ever again. But then Deidara came and he began to tear the walls down slowly, gently, being sure to not rush Sasori, possibly not even knowing he was doing it.

And so because of that, part of him wanted to be in love with Deidara. He wanted to be happy with him, to feel elated, to feel joy; he wanted to smile stupidly, to know that he was wanted by the person that he wanted. He wanted that security; he was human, he wanted to be loved deep down. But his fear was stopping him from that.

He wanted to want to fall in love, he thought sullenly. Maybe that was why he couldn't come up with an answer to give to Deidara. He didn't want to not be in love but he didn't want to want to be in love.

Frankly, he wished he could just leave and never see Deidara again, forget about all of this, start over.

But then he would remember that he didn't want to leave Deidara and he'd be right back at square one.

**twenty days**

It was raining.

**.author's notes: i updated holy crap. chapter 18 is mostly undergoing rewriting so hopefully the wait won't be too long; i hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review!.**


	18. interlude

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter eighteen- interlude.**_

_**twenty days**_

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_Badump. Badump. Badump._

Azure eyes cast themselves to the ominous night sky as a scalpel hovers in mid air above a pale, cold corpse, the markings of a black marker evident and neatly done. Blonde hair is tied back into a low ponytail and a sad, heartbroken smile lingers on the dry lips as a look of reminiscence is present on the usually focused face; lab partners exchange curious glances and stare at him in confusion. The normally fair skin is paler and looks almost sickly white and suddenly they wish for the vivacious person they know instead of this deathly silent one. It seems that there are two corpses present at this station; this shell of a person, this empty, hollow being is not the classmate they have come to know and respect.

"Iwa-san?" one asks hesitantly, glancing briefly at the other who shrugs back, "Are you all right?" A group of three each has a cadaver to dissect and since they have the famed, prodigal student, the two had initially been so confident in finishing early and receiving the highest grades in the class, bolstering their grade for the upcoming final. But the prodigal student is not moving, much less thinking about the task at hand. He seems to be staring out into space, hardly aware of the corpse in front of him and the sharp tool in his hand, forgetting that he is temporarily a master of life or death.

"…It's raining, un," he answers simply, a curt sentence that the other two hardly comprehend. The hand doesn't move and he continues staring outside, an expression completely devoid of any kind of emotion still plastered on his face. The rain, something that used to be something only he would indulge himself in, has become a painful reminder of what used to be his happiness. His heart aches and his mind spins at a rate of hundreds of miles per hours, an almost nauseating, sickening feeling. He has almost forgotten; almost, but not quite. In the corners of his mind, where he has vowed to remember treasured memories forever, are memories he shares with his danna. How he looks, how he sounds… most importantly, how he makes the younger medical student, no, he is an _artist_, feel.

_How long has it been since I've seen you, danna?_

_**I miss you.**_

_ Are you doing well?_

_ How is your studying?_

_**I miss you**__._

.

.

(i'm about to lose my mind)

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.

_Badump. Badump. Badump._

Messy crimson bangs are hastily pushed aside as honey brown eyes glance at the floor to ceiling windows; the cloudy, dark sky beyond the windows is blurred by the rain drops pounding on the glass. Memories come flooding over him, memories of running outside in the rain with a canvas, watching the smile on _his_ face more than the colors on his own canvas mixing, an instance before everything fell apart, when times were innocent, when love had yet to plague their lives. When deception was tiny and trust was given unconditionally, when they were happy, blissfully happy and blissfully unaware, all coming to an abrupt end, a sudden termination of what he considered the first time he had been truly happy.

The half lidded eyes drop to the sculpture on his desk, the single thing not covered by the mess of papers, books, and pencils. The mechanical pencil in his hand is dropped with a soft thud upon the study books that are growing thick from constant use and the slender fingers pick up the gift instead. The keen eyes observe it silently, quietly, gently as he turns it over in his hands carefully. He remembers admiring the finesse of the work. Now, the craftsmanship is barely noticeable, as he has memorized almost every detail. What he is looking at through the sculpture now is the sculptor: his goofy grin, his annoying eye roll, his messy hair. The food he would make him, the disturbances he would create, and the feelings he would stir.

_"Do you like it, danna?"_

Eyes immediately widen and he looks around his quiet study, looking for the source of the voice. Seeing no one, he laughs dryly and softly; it is his own imagination getting the best of him, he's finally going delusional, finally losing it. He hears a laugh again and closes his eyes, willing his brain to block it out. He needs to study, he tries to remind himself, he had promised _him_. He has to pass these exams so he doesn't disappoint his grandmother, himself, and most importantly, _him_. He had promised. Yet, he cannot tear his eyes away from what the sculpture represents, brain knowing what he should do but refusing to do it. For once, his brain, the most powerful organ in his body, is not working with him but rather against.

_He's not here anymore._

_ How are you adjusting to med school?_

_**I want to see you.**_

_ How long has it been?_

_ Are you happy?_

_**I want to see you.**_

.

.

(you've been gone for so long)

.

.

_Badump—badump—badump. _

"Iwa-san! Where are you going?"

The white mock lab coat is stripped off and the stethoscope is carelessly thrown onto the linoleum floor, causing a loud _clack_ that attracts the attention of everyone else in the lab. He walks right by the professor, who looks at him with an aghast expression, body frozen as she simply stares. He has snapped, there is absolutely no question about that. While staring out the window, something within him has changed at that exact moment, like the last few week's events have culminated to their climax. He doesn't care about pleasing people anymore, he doesn't think about what Ino will do. Because he has lived the rest of his life pleasing people; it's time to do what _he_ wants. And what he wants is not to carve open a corpse, a cold, dead cadaver. What he wants is warm, breathing, and alive—what he wants is what makes him feel _alive_.

His feet don't stop until he is outside; his ears don't register the yells behind him to stop, only the sound of his shoes going _tap tap tap_ on the clean floors. The raindrops he was admiring mere minutes earlier are now dampening his hair and clothes, darkening them. He takes a step, then another, slowly and unsure of where the mind wants his feet to go. Adrenaline runs through him and his mind instantly divides. One half demands he return to class, why is he doing this again like déjà vu?, and the other half tells him to keep walking; it does not tell him what he is looking for, but it tells him to keep walking until he finds what makes him happy, content, alive.

_Where am I going?_

_ What am I doing?_

_**I want to see Sasori no danna.**_

_This is stupid._

_ This is absolutely insane._

_ I'm messing up my second chance._

_**I want to see Sasori no danna.**_

Feet begin to move towards the subway station he used to emerge from everyday. Walking to school with Ino feels so wrong; he feels so empty because _he_ isn't with them. Her incessant babbling goes in one ear and out the other; the older brother plays his part well, giving the impression he is always listening. But every time they pass by the law buildings, something inside of him seizes up and he tears his eyes away, but not before they give a glance around, hoping to see a head of brilliant red hair.

People look at him curiously: why is the blonde out in the rain with no jacket or umbrella? Is he lost? Does he need help? Is he all right?

Any questions asked are ignored by him, his attention is completely focused and undivided. He walks straight ahead, occasionally looking upwards at the gloomy sky, welcoming the rain on his face, letting it wash away his past mistakes, his past sins. He stops suddenly, an inkling telling him to do so. He looks around. Surrounded by people, yet so alone, so terribly, completely, infinitely alone. All these faces aren't right; none of them have the brown eyes, the pale skin, the everlasting smirk, the messy red hair.

_Where are you?_

_ Do you think about me?_

He reaches up and as he pushes strands of darkened golden hair out of his view, his eyes fall on a figure across the street. His eyes widen and he takes a step closer to the curb, his heart pounding furiously with anticipation. The other is drenched from head to toe and the blonde can tell that he is panting heavily even across the street. The blonde knows that it takes ten minutes of sprinting to get here from the apartment but he is too surprised, too shocked to think about that, instead focusing on this mere coincidence that seemed to be fated.

_Why is he in the rain too?_

_ Do you see me?_

_ Do you miss me?_

"…Danna?"

.

.

(i'm running out of time)

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.

_Badump—Badump—Badump._

All of a sudden, he pushes himself away from the desk, dragging his feet on the floor to stop the rolling chair from moving too far away, wasting precious seconds. Taking only his keys, he rushes out of the apartment, out his study, out his apartment, out of the elevator. The concierge desk kindly suggests an umbrella but he ignores it; he runs out of the complex and sprints along the sidewalk with rapid speed, mind empty save one wish fueled by pent up desire.

_I want to see you._

_ I want to see you._

_**I want to see you.**_

He narrowly avoids people with their colorful umbrellas and yellow raincoats. The rain drops barely register in his mind; he barely recalls how annoyed he gets when he feels strand of his hair getting wet and sticking to his face. He hates the squelch of his shoes, the coldness of his clothing as it sticks to his body. But right now, his mind is so concentrated on getting to Tokyo University that things that used to annoy him so much are little, tiny inconveniences.

He feels oddly reminiscent of his high school track years; he hasn't sprinted this quickly and for such a long time in years, forgetting how it would become hard to breathe and his legs would feel weak, burning and aching to stop but his mind always won out and he continued to run, pushing himself to the limits. When he reaches the downtown area near the school, he slows down; something tells him that what he is looking for is _there_, not on the actual campus. He looks around, breathless, and sees everything else except the person he is looking for, all different kinds of people, different eye colors, different hair colors, different voices. Cars whizz by, people shove by, lights flicker and blind him. His lungs are on fire, his throat is parched, his legs feel weak.

And suddenly, he hears his name as a whisper. Which, his logical mind tells him, is impossible; how could he _possibly_ hear a whisper among the throng of people talking and the sound of cars? Nevertheless, he looks across the street instinctively and his eyes widen; across the street, drenched to the bone, the figure with blonde hair and aquamarine eyes is staring back at him in equal astonishment.

_"Danna…?"_

He sees the lips move and form the nickname he has sorely missed being addressed by and he takes a step onto the curb as he sees the lights change to red. Cars stop rushing past them and people begin to cross; the two are far from the crosswalk but the blonde steps off the curb anyway and begins walking towards the redhead. Strands of the golden hair the redhead misses seeing are plastered to the face he sees in his subconscious; he can't believe it, how is it possible that he sees him here and now?

The brown eyes relax and he almost smiles—almost. Because when he hears the screams of people, he looks to the side and his eyes widen as the vehicle, followed by two police cars, approaches quickly, the driver with manic eyes and desperation etched on his face. He honks in irritation at the blue eyed blonde, but he stops and freezes. The redhead shoves through the crowd that has stopped to stare in horror and he sprints off the curb, running faster than he had ever. He begins to tremble and his legs seem to be moving through water. He wants to go faster, he has to go faster, he _can't_ go any faster. He wants to save him, he has to save him, he _can't_ save him.

_I can't make it._

_**I have to make it.**_

_I can't save him…_

The command "run" is in his throat but he can't get it out; he curses the eight lane street suddenly as he watches the car and the driver get closer… and closer… and…

_No… no… no… __**no!**_

(i need a doctor…)

_Badump—badump—badump _

The blonde whips around when he sees the redhead's look of frenzy, such a display of emotion unusual on a face of a puppet. His eyes widen as his mind registers what is happening. Adrenaline tries to kick in but his legs are stuck; he tries to move but he can't. His breath hitches in his throat as the sounds of the honking, the yelling, and the sirens become distant. His vision zeros in on the car; he sees the driver honking and moving his mouth frantically, screaming "get out of the way!" But he can't; he's stuck.

_I can't move._

_**I have to go to danna.**_

_ I can't move._

The car seems to be slowing down; the sounds around him are distorting; his mind is growing hazy. He sees images flash before his eyes: how he used to tease Ino, how he used to stand up for her, how he and his friends would stay up late studying, how he met his current friends, how he decided to drop out of medical school, how he became messed up. Then, suddenly, the redhead comes into the vision and every scene has him in it; the moving in, the fights, the agreements, the dinners, the moments where they did nothing but he was satisfied anyway.

With a sickening start, he realizes this is his life he is seeing flash before his eyes. How he grew up, the childhood he would never bestow upon anyone else, and most of all, the person he had fallen in love with. Thinking back on it, when exactly did it start? When he learned of the other's pain? When he realized the redhead wasn't judging him from his impulsive decisions?

_**Danna, I'm so glad I had the chance to meet you.**_

The headlights are growing brighter; he feels the lights blind him. He feels almost ethereal, like he isn't in his own body. He closes his eyes and awaits impact, awaiting his fate.

_"Deidara!"_

_Badump—badump—badump_

He watches him get hit.

A screech—a sickening thud—screams—the never ending rain—the redhead's voice.

_"Deidara!"_ His throat finally utters a sound but it is too late.

He stops.

The angel—_his_ angel, he realizes suddenly—lies in a pool of blood just a few meters in front of him.

Serene blue eyes are closed.

Long, ethereal seeming strands of golden blonde hair splay around him, intermingling with the rain and the crimson, vile substance of life.

The lips of the mouth that used to never close slightly agape.

The small rise and fall of the chest.

The hands, palm up, fingers curled slightly.

The skin, growing paler with every passing second.

He takes a few steps forward and drops onto his knees, his entire body is shaking as his knees finally give out. People are gathering around them but he pays them no heed, pushing their whispers out of his mind. His eyes are downcast, watching the blood pool out of the body that he cannot look at, cannot bring himself to see and recognize what has happened, what is happening, what will happen. The people around him, he wants to shut them up. What can they do, what use are they, _why are they not the ones dying?_

He finally gathers the nerve to cast his eyes upwards to the body laying in front of him and reaches a hand out to brush his fingers against the paling cheek. The skin is still soft, the flesh is still warm. That gives him hope as he pulls his hand back. But then he sees his hand stained with blood, blood that was warm, blood that was sickeningly red. He almost retches; he turns around and clenches his fist and wills himself to not. Hands shaking, he looks back at the blonde. Is he crying? He doesn't know. Maybe. Possibly. Probably. Rain intermingles with the salty tears and he feels dizzy and lightheaded. He sees every memory they shared flash before his eyes suddenly; the moment he moved in, the arguments, the moments he found himself falling in love, and it ended with this image.

_Get up._

_ Open your eyes._

_ Smile at me._

_**Don't die.**_

_ Don't leave me._

_ I want you._

_ I need you. _

_**I love you.**_

.

.

(call me a doctor…)

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.

_Badump… badump… ba… dump…_

_What am I doing…?_

_ Why am I on the ground…?_

_ I feel nothing… why am I numb?_

_ Is that… why is he crying?_

_ What did I do?_

_ Danna, what's wrong?_

_Did I fuck up again?_

He opens his eyes slowly, a difficult task to accomplish. His vision is blurry at first but quickly clears and the first thing he sees is the redhead's face. His eyes look glassy and his brow is creased in concern; it suddenly dawns on him that he is worried, that the human puppet himself is feeling anxiety for him. He can't help but smile, letting out a small laugh even.

_Thank you for caring for me._

He closed his eyes again and lets out a deep breath, feeling his rib cage rattle,and suddenly remembering what just happened. The fact he feels no pain is relieving yet terrifying at the same time; adrenaline can be a powerful drug indeed. His mind begins to flip through all the medical textbooks he had buried himself in for the past few weeks; he tries to calculate how long he will have to take to recover, his chances survival, what he probably broke, if anything will be permanently damaged. The list of what medical school has drilled in his head is being scanned through at rapid speed but suddenly… it stops.

He is tired. He is so tired—of thinking, of living, of enduring pain. Death… death is so within grasp and so peaceful right now. The idea of simply _letting go_ is so tempting; he has been fighting these last few weeks, fighting so hard for something that seems impossible. He had always been a fighter but maybe, just maybe, sometimes he had to lose battles.

Is this a battle he had to forfeit?

He opens his eyes slowly again and looks up at the worried face of the law student, the emotional expression on his face unnatural seeming. He smiles softly and, with effort, brings up a hand. He sees the redhead stare at it incredulously, then back at him, as if a silent question. He leans down and the blonde brushes his finger tips against his face, against the pale skin that looks so perfect—just like a true puppet's.

_"B-brat? Hang in there, all right? An ambulance is coming… hang in there!"_

The voice is distant and fuzzy, like he is in a tunnel and everyone is outside; he can barely comprehend what is being said. More voices join the redhead's, voices that ask him if he is all right, telling him to hold on, asking him if he is in pain. He wants to laugh at their stupidity—of course he is not all right, he's lying in a puddle of blood; why would he be all right? He wants all of them to shut up, _shut up._ All he wants to hear is the redhead's voice; all he wants to see is the redhead's face.

The numbness is spreading. Something is wrong; something is _so very wrong_.

_I'm dying._

The thought flashes through his mind immediately and he lets out a sigh, closing his eyes again. He hears people crying out to him; he feels the redhead's hands on his shoulders; he hears the redhead's voice above them all. He can't come up with an explanation for this; he has no explanation for why he feels nothing after being hit by a car, why he is conscious but has no feeling anywhere in his body. The only explanation is death; before death, the brain releases extreme amounts of endorphins. The death that seems to placid is completely within reach, he realizes, and he feels almost no fear, save the twinge of guilt and regret.

It makes sense. He feels no pain and he feels so euphorically happy; so happy that the redhead's is here, and the redhead's is the last thing he will see before he dies. Maybe it is all a mirage; his imagination is getting the better of him again. Maybe the redhead's isn't even here; maybe his mind conjured a hallucination because that's what he wants.

_Either way…_

He opens his eyes and smiles again. It is so real; the voice, the touch, the worried face. It is so real. But what is reality? Is reality what his mind conjures, is that his reality, a reality for him but a hallucination to others?

"Is this real…?" he manages to rasp, his throat feeling horribly dry, and the redhead's eyes widen along with a sharp intake of breath. "Are… are you really here, un…?"

"Y-yes," the voice he thought he would never hear again answers in a wavering tone, kindness that he doesn't deserve lacing in it. He sees the quivering brown eyes and closes his own, a smile still lingering on his paling lips. "I-I'm here."

"Thank… thank you…" he says quietly and relaxes, all anger towards him vanishing because perhaps he should give up this battle, give up this war after all.

_What a wonderful way to die._

.

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(i need a doctor, doctor…)

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_Ba… dump… ba… dump… ba… dump…_

He sees a flicker of hope when the blonde opens his eyes. In that moment, the redhead feels hope fly through him and he almost collapses in an expanding sense of relif. _He's still alive; oh, thank God he's still alive…_

"Call an ambulance!" someone in the crowd behind him yells and immediately, he hears people fumbling around for their cell phones. He hovers over him cautiously, waiting for any more signs of life. He watches as his eyes open occasionally and look around before they close again, as if opening his eyes is suddenly such a strenuous task, one that he hardly has the energy to do. He loves the blue eyes, a color typically unusual, such a clear, beautiful blue.

_Don't die._

_Don't die._

_**Don't die.**_

_God, please don't take him from me. I fight with him and he annoys me, but please don't take him away from me. He's the most important person to me and I can't lose him._

_**Don't take him from me.**_

_Please, God, listen to me right now. I haven't asked for much, but listen to me right now._

_**I can't lose him.**_

"Is this real…?" he hears the soft voice whisper and the redhead's eyes widen. His voice gives him new hope as he leans in to catch every word he says, praying these aren't his last words. "Are… are you really here, un…?"

Something in his chest constricts; he hears something resembling… happiness? The redhead freezes, his eyes wide. Happy? How could he be happy right now, laying in a puddle of his own blood? His life is slipping away by the minute and… he's _happy?_

_Is this what love is?_

The thought breaches his mind and he relaxes, smiling, albeit the worry still creasing his face, forcing an expression of tranquility to soothe him. "Y-yes. I-I'm here." Love, he had heard, was when one treasured someone else above his own life. And this… this is it. He is dying; he is slowly dying, but he pushes the fact aside because the redhead is here. And after weeks of not seeing each other, this is all that matters to him. Not his own life, not what happened, not conserving his energy, but seeing the redhead makes him happy.

_If you love someone, never let him go._

"Thank… thank you…"

With one last smile, his eyes close again. The redhead feels chills run through him and fear seizes him, freezing in place. This isn't like the other times, he can sense, he feels as if this time his eyes were closing permanently. Why are his eyes closed? Why did his breathing slow down? Why did he thank him, is he preparing to leave?

_Oh, fuck no._

Reaching out a shaking hand, he moves strands of his blonde hair out of the way, ignoring the way the blood from a head wound stains his sleeve and hand. He's still warm—that means he's alive, right? _Right?_ His face… it's too peaceful, like he's sleeping—that means he's alive, right? _Right?_ He's not supposed to be silent, he's not supposed to be peaceful, he's not supposed to be…

_Dead._

"Brat? _Brat_?" the redhead's voice is getting uncharacteristically louder. He hears the ambulance arrive and doors open; the stretcher is heard rattling out of the back and they are shouting for people to move out of the way. But the redhead stays put, telling them he is the blonde's friend. As they make their way back to the ambulance, his bloody hands is on the metal railing, his voice frantic. "Can you hear me? Don't die on me! _Deidara!_"

_Ba… dump… ba… dump…_

_**Goodbye, Sasori no danna.**_

.

.

_(to bring me back to life…)_

_._

_._

_Ba… dump… ba… beeeeeeep._

**.author's notes: different style because i wanted to try something more dramatic for the climax, haha. when i reopened this file for the first time it was labeled as chapter nine so that gives you an idea of how long i've been waiting to do this chapter, haha. thank you for reading and reviews are much appreciated as always!**

**.song lyrics used are from "i need a doctor" by eminem.**


	19. don't think jump

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

**.chapter nineteen: don't think. jump.**

"Charge to three hundred… clear!"

Sasori cringed as he heard another attempt and still no response, the constant droning beep of the heart monitor still echoing in his ears. His head was pounding as he slid down against the wall, clutching his head. It felt like everything was going at a hundred miles an hour but he was stuck at one moment in time, watching as everything happened and was unable to do anything. From the scene to the hospital it was all just a blur; he was in the ambulance, shakily giving Deidara's information to the paramedics. He realized that while he gave Ino's phone number, when they asked him for Deidara's home address, he gave his own, a mistake that he found no point in dwelling over currently.

"Sasori-san, please, you can't be here. You should be in the waiting room."

He allowed a nurse to gently lead him away from the wall he was slunk against, knowing Deidara was just beyond the doors, laying on the table, dead or alive, he wasn't sure. But the minute he was led into the waiting room he felt himself being attacked; hands grabbed at him and voices overwhelmed him. He stumbled back in shock slightly, eyes wide as he took in the faces, taking a minute to process them as his friends.

"Are you all right?"

"What happened?"

"We got the call but…"

"Sasori!"

All voices immediately hushed as the newest one interjected. The redhead turned around and his eyes widened to see Ino, her eyes wide and body shaking. She took a tentative step forward, never taking her eyes off of him and he just gazed back evenly, already so nervous and anxious that he looked calm.

"What…" she swallowed a dry lump in her throat as she stared at him, her heart pounding, "What happened?"

"…He was hit by a car," he said quietly, knowing to keep his voice calm in an effort to calm her down, "It was driven by some ass trying to get away from the police. He ran a red light and…"

"Is he…"

"He flat lined," Sasori said plainly and immediately Ino's eyes welled up, "But they haven't declared him dead which… is a good thing."

"It's all my fault…" she whispered and she looked down, her hands clutching her purse tightly, "It's… all my fault… if I didn't force him to go back… he would've been home… if I didn't force him to go back he would've been happy, if I didn't force him…"

"It's not your—"

"Why aren't you more emotional about this?!" she snapped suddenly and looked back. Sasori was caught off guard by this sudden change in demeanor and his eyes widened, the first sign of emotion that Ino had seen. "He's in love with you, you know that, don't you? And you rejected him, or you didn't answer him, I don't know what happened, but you did something! Maybe you don't love him that way, but I swear to god, you guys lived together for months! How can you just not care, stand there and tell me all this with a straight face so—"

"I care."

He cut her off in his normal, monotonous voice, but it wasn't the sound that made her stop. It was the expression on his face, the one laced with anger, the clenching of his fists. The narrowed eyes and the scowl that caught her attention, made her stop speaking.

"I care about him," he continued, "more than you could imagine. I care for him so much that I don't know how to show it; do you know what it was like to sit there and watch him die? Watch the blood pool out of him, watch him struggle to speak, watch him _get hit?_ Know that it was because of you that he was crossing the street anyway away from the crosswalk, that it was you and all your fault? Don't you dare tell me I don't care, because I care. I care so fucking much I don't know how to express it, how to deal with this guilt and anger. I fucking _care_ about him."

Ino stared at him, feeling a strange feeling overcome here. Usually when she got in an argument, she would begin to feel warm from the adrenaline of conflict. But she felt happy, almost, as Sasori was, essentially, yelling at her.

_He was in love with him._

She realized that and she almost gasped in surprise, never taking her eyes off him. Sasori was in love with Deidara, she thought, and her heart seemed to swell with emotion. The reason that Deidara had been so heartbroken, so depressed wasn't true anymore; Sasori was in love with him. He either realized it recently or didn't know how to show it, or maybe he didn't even know in general, but that didn't change the fact that he cared for him, much more than ismply platonically.

The blonde found herself smiling softly, laughing even to everyone's surprise. Sasori frowned at her, confused by what seemed to be another mood swing, how did Deidara deal with her? "Did I say something to provoke laughter?"

She shook her head and looked him, a smile still on her lips.

"He's yours."

Sasori frowned again. "Excuse me?"

Ino sighed and adjusted her bag, crossing her arms. "He's yours. I've been trying to control him for too long and you know that better than anyone. I tried to make him go to med school, tried to make him the brother that I wanted, that I knew, that I thought I knew. But he's not like that anymore but I didn't want to lose him. He's not happy with what I want him to be, what I want him to do; he only pretends to be. But with you… he's happy. And he's in love with you, so much, Sasori, I hope you realize that. I don't mean to speak of him as if he's just an object but… he's yours. Take care of him, all right?" she added and took a step back, "I'll visit in a few days. I… need distance; I've been trying to keep us too close. Tell me when his condition… changes, all right?"

And with that, the girl just smiled again and turned around, quickly walking out of the hospital, leaving the other nine staring in awe after her.

"Yeah, I'll go after her," Konan pushed through and hurried after her. Sasori felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced to the side to see that it was Kakuzu, who was smiling slightly.

"You heard her, didn't you?"

The redhead's eyes widened as he processed what Kakuzu said and scowled, turning to the side and clenched his fists. "Shut up."

He walked away from Kakuzu's grasp and sank into a nearby seat. He leaned against his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands, letting out a slow, loud exhale, replaying what happened. He was alive, perfectly alive and fine, walking towards him; they were walking towards each other and then it changed. His body crumbled with the force of the impact, screams were deafening, he couldn't believe his own eyes.

In an instant everything changed, he thought, hardly hearing his friends as they sat down on the other couches, Kakuzu taking the seat next to Sasori, and talking in low whispers. In one moment, in one second, everything changed. In one second, his life could have been lost, in one second, Sasori would have never been able to say what he wanted.

But because of that second he realized why he had gone out to find him.

_ "You're in love with him, Sasori, and I know you know it deep down but you don't want to admit it because you're scared of being vulnerable and getting hurt. Take a chance. Take a risk. It may turn out to be the best thing in your life."_

Konan's words were ringing in his head all night, even now, ever since she had uttered them. He couldn't get those words out of his head; he kept hearing her, seeing her smile, letting her words sink in.

He didn't know how to love, how to fall in love, how to accept love. He never experienced that from his grandmother, received it from his parents for a bit before they died. He liked his friends and cared for them deeply, but he wasn't sure if he loved them, if he was willing to throw himself in front of a bus for them. He also thought that everything was disposable, everything and everyone would be replaced and there was no point in getting attached.

But then he met Deidara.

Then his mindset changed and he didn't want to believe that everything and everyone was disposable; he wanted to believe that things could be permanent. He wanted to believe that life could be beautiful like art, that some things in life would last for eternity, that not everything disposable. He wanted to believe that he could be with Deidara forever, that Deidara wouldn't dispose of him, that he wasn't disposable, that he mattered.

That happiness mattered, what he wanted mattered.

Deidara made him believe that he could be both happy and successful; Deidara made him believe in happiness itself. And Sasori needed that; he needed someone like that to constantly remind him.

That's why he wanted to be with Deidara.

He hadn't realized it for all this time; he had been hung up on the idea that he _liked_ Deidara, that he was _infatuated_ with Deidara. He hadn't even touched the idea of love because it was so foreign to him. Konan's words made him toy around with that idea, imagine "what ifs."

He stopped thinking like a lawyer, stopped trying to make criteria fit.

With his hands on his arm rests, fingers rubbing lazily against the edges, he would close his eyes and take a deep breath, lean back and exhale. _Think,_ he would command himself, _Relax. Feel._

_What do you feel?_

He would wait, fighting down the urge to say 'screw it' and go back to studying. He would wait patiently, see what happened when he thought about Deidara, his name, his face, his words.

It was slow at first, but his heart would always speed up. That was first. He would get this constricting feeling, like something was squeezing but he didn't mind, not at all.

Then he would feel relaxed. His heart would calm down and relaxation would spread throughout his body like waves, slowly and steadily, moving like ripples in a disturbed lake.

And then, thirdly, he would always, always, without a fail, smile. A small smile would slowly spread across his lips, a serene smile, the one that Deidara had managed to coax out after years of hardly doing so. Deidara, the only one who seemed to be able to make Sasori smile, could even do so when he wasn't there, when he wasn't supposed to be a part of Sasori's life anymore.

Then the feeling would come.

He would feel this overwhelming desire to find Deidara, to kiss him. To forgive him, to apologize, to make everything right, to explain. He wanted to take back everything he had done to Deidara, all the pain he caused, all the suffering, all the anxiety. He wanted to apologize for bitching at him when he was trying to help, for fainting and causing him to worry, for making his life a hell. But most of all, he wanted to apologize for that night, _that night._ Apologize for not being to realize it, for not saying it at the most opportune time. For hurting him, for driving him away.

Sasori was good at driving people away; he was so good at it that it was scary. But Deidara wasn't driven away no matter how much Sasori tried; Deidara stuck by him stubbornly and did the unfortunate thing of falling in love with him.

_I'm sorry,_ he wanted to say, _I'm so sorry._

_ For hurting you._

_ For being an ass._

_ For not realizing._

_ For everything._

"Excuse me, are you the friends of Iwa Deidara?"

Sasori hadn't realized how long he had been out of it; in between being lost in his own thoughts and occasionally falling asleep, hours had seemed to fly by. He was brought out of his trance when the nurse came in and addressed them. A quick glance to the clock indicated that nearly seven hours had passed; how had he passed all that time without even stirring? Didn't he feel tired, wasn't he hungry, didn't anyone try to talk to him?

Sasori's throat went dry when he processed that she had said Deidara's name. One look was all it took for Kakuzu to notice this and he took charge, answering her because Sasori couldn't, being the one to say "yes" to the nurse. The redhead's eyes went wide and he could hear his blood pulsing in his ears, hardly hearing her words, staring at her lips, praying for good news. His palms began sweating profusely and he began to feel lightheaded; he hoped he wouldn't pass out, the last thing he needed was to be unconscious during a dire time such as this.

"He's stable."

He heard those two words and Sasori looked up; the nurse looked straight at him, as if she had sensed his nerves, and smiled at him. "He's stable," she repeated, "They managed to get a heartbeat again and surgery went very well."

A loud sigh of relief was let out among the other eight and Sasori stared at her, unable to believe the knees. "Is he… will he…"

"The first twenty four hours after surgery are always the most critical," she answered with a nod and a small frown, "We will be keeping a close eye on him. In a few days you'll be able to see him. But," she smiled, a genuine smile that made Sasori feel slightly better, "I am quite confident about his chances. We'll do our best for both you and him, Sasori-san."

**nineteen days**

He was fine, from what Sasori had learned, unconscious but fine and would wake up within the next few days. They had left the hospital at just a bit after two in the morning and Sasori took a quick power nap before getting up at seven, resuming studying for the exams. When the others tried to berate him, telling him to take a break, he would just ignore them; he knew why he was studying, a reason that was very different from wanting to do well, to please his grandmother.

_I promised him I would pass._

He wouldn't take any chances with this; he wouldn't risk not passing because he felt confident and sure of himself. His scores right now were good, very good, but Sasori was never one to slack off and possibly ruin everything at the last moment. And he was hearing regular updates from the hospital from Konan, who told him that Deidara wasn't doing as well as the nurse had so optimistically spoken of; his condition deteriorated then stabilized often.

Studying was his opiate, it made him forget about everything that happened. It transferred him to a realm in which control was in his grasp; he was good at law, so good that it was almost painful to know that he hated this so much, so good that he tried to make himself love it because he didn't want to waste it. He was put in a world in which he could control what happened; his decisions affected his outcomes, his work ethic, his intelligence controlled what happened.

He loved control, craved it, breathed it; he was a living puppet that was also a puppet master. He tried to control everything in his life from grades to relationships, wanting to be in control, know what would happen, hating losing that control, having to wait, having to anticipate. Sasori hated not knowing, it was the worst feeling to him—ever. And to know that Deidara was lying in a hospital bed, crashing and stabilizing without warning and knowing that he was helpless killed him. He wished he could help but knew he couldn't; even the doctors couldn't, how could a law student help?

The grip on his pencil tightened and a scowl darkened his features as his mind drifted to Deidara. He had been doing so well on keeping his mind off of the brat, but now the thoughts were pervading his mind, causing him unable to focus on anything else.

Sighing, he put the pencil down and brought his hands up to his face, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, the dull pain almost a relief for him, reminding him that he could, at least, control something, even something like pain. He hadn't completely lost control and he hadn't lost Deidara, he reminded himself, trying to take calming breaths.

That night kept replaying in his mind over and over again. Seeing Deidara across the street was like a beacon of hope, something short of a miracle. It was like they were fated to see each other there, at that moment, in that weather, at that spot.

But then Deidara was hit, Sasori would remember vividly, jolting as if he was the one hit. He remembered hearing the impact and watching Deidara fall to the ground, body bending, unable to watch the blonde fall to the ground, hearing a sickening 'thud.' But he was the first at his side, opening his eyes and running over automatically.

The driver was arrested, Sasori had been told later, as he had sat in his car, shocked, and the police got him. He was a robber and killing someone certainly wasn't on his to-do list that night, so for that to happen scarred him. Sasori had to bite back the words "I don't care, I hope he rots in hell."

He remembered staring at Deidara in fear, heart racing, blood pulsating. His head was throbbing as his hand reached out to touch the soft hair, nearly vomiting upon seeing his fingers stained with fresh warm blood. He remembered the fear that seized him, the spasm of his heart, his sudden prayer, one of his first prayers for Deidara's life.

That fear would be something etched within him for years to come, Sasori knew. He couldn't go to bed without seeing it in his head, replaying it, wondering if there was anything he could have done. Every detail was there but, at the same time, everything was distant and hazy, like it was a horrible, recurring nightmare that he would never be awoken.

Whenever he closed his eyes he would see that image and he knew he would until he saw Deidara alive. Until then, he would see Deidara either lying on the ground, bleeding out, or in the hospital bed with an oxygen mask attached, tubes, IVs, and everything on him, doctors crowding around. He would hear his quiet words, his soft, heartbreaking words that couldn't be his last, the gentle smile, the serenity that was enveloping him.

Eyes opening, Sasori found he was breathing heavily. He had awoken in the middle of his nap in a cold sweat, panting and eyes wide, terrified and awake. It was horrible, he thought as he leaned back in his chair, tilting it backwards to look upwards at the ceiling, it was haunting, a memory that he didn't want, one that he couldn't rid himself of.

It was his first realization that things, like Deidara thought of art, really were fleeting.

That people could disappear, dreams could disappear, everything could just disappear in a single instant because it was completely beyond his control. He couldn't always spend his time thinking, analyzing, trying to make the logical decision. Sometimes he just didn't have enough time for that because what he was debating about could easily just disappear from him instantly.

Sometimes he had to trust his judgment and make a decision based on his gut and not regret it, not look back.

He had to accept that he wouldn't always be right in life, that he had to mess up a few times, that he had to take more risks. He couldn't continue to go along the path that his grandmother laid out for him; taking risks, changing things was what would make him happy. The concept of happiness still was something that Sasori wasn't familiar or comfortable with but, if Deidara had gotten one thing through his head, it was that happiness was important.

Happiness was vital to one's life; an empty shell wasn't a person. Sasori had to pursue his happiness, not leave it to come if convenient for him. That was what Deidara tried to drill into his head and, while Sasori could see the logic, he still wasn't sure if he believed in it wholeheartedly but accepting the idea was a start for him.

_Don't leave me,_ he thought, closing his eyes, _don't… there's so much more you have to beat into me. You're not done ruining my life yet, brat. Don't… go. Please._

**eighteen days**

The kettle began whistling and Ino jumped at the noise.

She made tea often, as it often helped to destress her; it wasn't as loaded on caffeine as coffee but still had some, easing her awake gradually. And now she certainly was stressed and if she had any coffee she would've made it but she had none and so she went with tea.

As she poured the hot water into two mugs, as she was anticipating a visitor, she let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. The hospital called her to alert her that Deidara had woken up and instantly she had gone to see him and just talked about school, rambling aimlessly. He was quiet and pale, still weak looking but conscious and she talked to distract herself. To distract herself from having to remember, to try to relax.

She left after about only an hour, telling him to sleep, that he still looked terrible. He laughed softly and was asleep before she left. The girl was on autopilot as she left the hospital, unable to keep her balance, feeling like she was going to vomit, unable to relax, holding her breath.

Even in the hospital, she couldn't relax, she felt suffocated. But once she was outside, the fresh air cleansed her mind; she felt better, relaxed, could pretend she was normal, pretend that her brother nearly dying really wasn't her fault, not at all, that she wasn't ruining his life by being selfish. She could even smile at strangers that smiled at her and have a bounce in her step, breathing in the new, out the old.

But the minute she stepped home she would remember. She would see Deidara's things still around, laying out because they were both lazy. There were the McDonald's boxes and wrappers that he had left around, his clothes that Ino had been meaning to wash. After she dropped her purse on the floor and hung her coat up, she made her way to his room, just to look in. Opening the door, the smell of clay and food wafted towards her, an overpowering stench that was faint on Deidara before he showered.

It was messy and unorganized and she wondered how Sasori dealt with her brother's habits. Or, she thought, maybe Deidara had changed; did he actually pick up after himself while at Sasori's? It seemed likely, she thought dryly, her brother was in love with him, it wouldn't surprise her that he could change himself a bit, keep his personality but change his slob-like habits.

Clay was everywhere and she knew it was from stress; whenever he felt overloaded, he would pinch off a bit from his cheap clay and mold it absentmindedly in his fingers until he felt better or he thought through whatever he needed to.

That should've been a warning, she thought dryly, that he used art even in medicine. Without his art, he couldn't keep sane; he loved it, breathed it, to the point that he literally couldn't function without it.

She shouldn't have pushed him into medicine.

_I ruined his life._

The thought pervaded her mind and she shook her head, seeing Sasori's puppets displayed carefully on a cleared shelf by his bed, a special place for him because next to them was a picture of their parents. She had looked at it once before, eyes wide and surprised at how well made it was. When she asked if it was from Sasori, he said 'yes' after a moment.

After that she had returned to the kitchen and prepared the tea, the thought of Sasori's puppets reminding her that the redhead was coming over and Deidara had warned her of his temper. It was rather sudden, she thought; she had called him right after leaving the hospital and asked him over. He had agreed, sighing and sounding agitated, but when she mentioned that it had to do with her brother, he hesitated and repeated that he would come over.

Her fingers grazed the glasses and retracted, realizing they were still too hot. As her eyes closed and another sigh was expelled past her pink lips, she began shaking. All she wanted to do was cry and apologize to Deidara for everything she had done: forced him into medicine by using their familial bond as blackmail, ruined his life, pulled him away from Sasori, made him unhappy.

A sudden knock from the door alerted her that Sasori was here and she reopened her eyes, taking a deep breath as she walked over to open it, giving a small smile to Sasori. He gave a simple nod in return, asking "may I?" to which she replied, "of course." A very polite exchange, a very stilted one. She moved aside to allow him to come in and he did so; she could see the bags under his eyes and felt another plunge to her heart; she had to apologize to Sasori as well, for taking Deidara away, for causing all of this.

"Please sit," she said and he obliged, heading over to the couch. By now, the tea was a bit cooler and Ino could bring the glasses over. She set one in front of him and sat down herself on the adjacent couch, leaving hers to cool on the table.

"What did you wish to see me about?" Sasori asked quietly. Always blunt and straight to the point, exactly what Deidara warned her.

The girl looked up at him, surprising the Akasuna with the tears pooled in her baby blue eyes and her desperate, wavering smile.

"Please tell me you're in love with my brother."

**seventeen days**

"Chiyo-baachan."

"Sasori."

Days passed in fragments to Sasori; ever since that night, he hardly remembered his full day, only chunks of hours or minutes. He turned his brain off, turned off his conscious thought, when studying and so that was why, he assumed, he couldn't remember. When he studied, he was engrossed in studying and studying only, memorizing terms, conditions, procedures.

He ate enough to sustain himself, to be sure that his health wouldn't take a turn for the worse within the next seventeen days before the exams. But he did venture out to see people, knowing that if he only studied, it would do more harm than good. And, besides, he couldn't exactly refuse to see his grandmother.

"How are your preparations for the exam?" Chiyo asked, turning her beady eyes to Sasori. The young male shrugged carelessly, bringing a hand up to rub the bridge of his nose.

"Fine," he said, voice sounding dry and pained. Chiyo waited for more, expecting him to express worry in the form of sounding confident but he just fell silent, not looking at her, eyes closed. She knew he wasn't sleeping because Sasori hardly ever slept in the presence of other people, only doing so when he was beyond tired.

She could easily tell what was on his mind.

She heard about the accident, who hadn't? Prodigal Akasuna Sasori and genius Iwa Deidara; the boy who was taking the bar exams early and the boy who ran out of a mock surgery and met on opposite sides of a busy street. A hit and run, blood, almost death. The whole school was abuzz, professors couldn't stop word from spreading. Chiyo found students mustering up the nerve to ask her because she was related to Sasori, but she turned her nose at them, saying that it was none of their concern, had they seen their grades?

"How is he?"

Chiyo's question caught him off guard, she could see. He tensed up suddenly, fingers clenching and nails digging into his arms. A slight scowl was set on his face that quickly passed in an instant and Chiyo waited until he was ready to answer, knowing that just as Sasori hated having his questions ignored, he would never ignore someone else's question.

"…Ino told me he was awake," he said quietly, opening his eyes but keeping his gaze averted, "Stopped by yesterday to talk about… never mind."

The elder woman nodded her head understandingly, not pressing her grandson on the subject he was obviously not comfortable discussing. They elapsed into a silence again, hearing the clock tick the seconds away, slowly becoming a minute; a minute of silence, unspoken words, of feelings.

"Sasori, are you…" Chiyo hesitated, rubbing her thumb against her mug of coffee, "…happy doing law?"

For the first time since he came, the boy looked up and straight at his grandmother, eyes wide with surprise. She saw the very spitting image of his father right then: his honey brown eyes, pale skin, tousled red hair. He looked exactly like her son in his younger days. The only difference was that Sasori's father had a jovial smile and a childish charm to him while Sasori was much more mature, serious, cold. She had to reprimand herself, no, he was dead, this was Sasori, _Sasori,_ her grandson.

"I…" Sasori actually found himself at a loss of words, the question catching him off guard, throwing him off balance, "…I'm sorry, Chiyo-baachan, but how does this…"

"Are you happy?" she asked again, persisting, brow knit, "Success and happiness are different, don't ever get them mixed up, Sasori. The question is not will you be successful, it is if you will be happy. Are you happy?"

She watched her grandson stare at her, eyes blank, expression unreadable, something Sasori mastered. A mask, she always thought of it, to protect himself, a poker face, to hide everything. A good tactic for a lawyer, a bad tactic for a young man.

These past few months she watched her grandson undergo changes during a time where doing what he normally did was the best. She couldn't have predicted that he would meet this new boy and undergo all of this drama, have his heart played with, fall in love with him.

He didn't have to tell her, but she saw it in the way he acted; Iwa Deidara changed her grandson, the most stubborn person she had ever known. The boy had that power and Sasori listened, he listened to Deidara and began to change, consciously or not. He was in love with him, taking what he said seriously, absorbing it.

In a time where he was preparing for a tedious test, what he needed was to remain focused, continue studying, just as he always had. She had no doubts that he would do well, even now she could see he was prepared, could imagine that he could go in now and do well. But his nerves were getting in his way; he was doubting himself, wondering if what he was doing was right.

She spent her life thinking that pushing Sasori like this really was what made sense, that the path she set out for him was right. But she watched him realize that wasn't it, realize he hated it, realize he wanted out. But he couldn't leave, he couldn't quit because he was stubborn and had it engraved in his head that he had to become a lawyer. Chiyo didn't want to tell him what to do, she had done that for far too long. She needed him to realize it himself, to have the courage to quit, to leave, to do what was right for him, to think for himself, to make such a decision.

_Sasori, do the right thing._

"Are you happy?" she repeated the question, pressing him for an answer.

He looked up, smirking tiredly.

"Does it matter?"

**sixteen days**

Ino had told him that Deidara had woken up two days ago and Sasori still hadn't gone to see him.

Guilt pervaded him as he walked along the sidewalk, keeping his eyes focused ahead. Today was a day that he had designated for the sole purpose of relaxing. He was not allowed to touch anything relating to studying today. He needed a break, badly, and had to clear his head, keep himself sane, not allow other thoughts to build up so much that they would hinder his studying tomorrow.

He felt like a terrible friend.

His phone had been buzzing nonstop; it had been ringing but he silenced it because he was tired of hearing his ringtone. Now he had a vibrating phone and he had initially been checking it, hearing voice messages of "he's awake, have you seen him?" and "he won't say it, but he wants to see you, where are you?" Text messages brought similar messages, all which Sasori ignored.

He crossed a street among a throng of people and continued to walk, the map to his destination etched in his memory because of all the frequent visits. While visiting Deidara was what he was supposed to do, he didn't want to; he didn't have anything ready, he didn't know what to say. He wasn't prepared to go in and he hated going into something without a plan.

His thoughts had to be organized, a flow chart had to be created. He wanted to know exactly what he was going to say, he thought dryly as he turned and walked into the store, otherwise he would stutter.

"Oi, Sasori. Been a while."

The redhead looked up, giving Genma a tired smirk and "hey" in response before he cast his eyes around the store, much more vacant than he had remembered. All that was left were a few supplies that Sasori recognized as low end and cheap, prices nearly ninety percent off. He had avoided coming here because another reminder was not something he needed; he hated coming to terms that this store was closing, but, it was.

"Heard about Deidara," Genma continued, not perturbed by Sasori's silence because he was used to it, "Sorry 'bout that."

Sasori nodded, eyes still fixated on the clay display where he had first met Deidara. That encounter by chance, who knew he would end up living with the kid he gave money to? That felt like such a long time ago, when he just knew Deidara as the blonde that was a brat, before all this happened, before the accident, confession, hypocrisy, betrayal, friendship. Back to when he was a stranger that needed money, back when things were simple, back to before he completely changed Sasori's life, messed with his thinking, altered him as a person.

"Have you gone to see him? I mean, being his roommate and all…"

"How do you do things without thinking?"

It was often that Sasori interrupted anyone or ignored a question but he did so this time, looking Genma straight in the eye. The male was surprised and raised an eyebrow at this odd behavior but shrugged, regaining composure. Lifting a hand to keep hold of his pocky, he finished it in a few bites and, for once, had nothing in his mouth.

"You go with your instinct," he answered, "You don't think. You do. Whatever feels right, you go with it because not everything has a right answer, not everything has a protocol to be followed. You've got a gut, Akasuna. Use it."

"But—"

"Look, you're one of _those_ people," Genma cut him off, "The kind that are always in control and know what they're doing, how to handle it, what will happen. You've managed to get to this point in your life by that and that's great, really. You work hard and it's paid off, you've stuck within the lines, done what you were supposed to. But, see, the thing with growing up like that is that you don't experience messing up, man."

The brown haired man hesitated, pulling out a pack of pocky from his back pocket and took one out, offering one to the redhead. Sasori shook his head and he just replaced it, taking a bite and swallowing before he continued.

"You haven't learned what it's like to mess up," he said, smiling ruefully, "So you don't know how to fix it. You don't know what happens after you think without planning it out so it's scary. Sometimes things just can't be planned, Sasori. I know for a lawyer that's horrible thing to think but it's true. Whatever has got you all messed up, obviously it's out of your comfort realm. So go for it. Pursue it. Chase it. Say 'fuck it' to everything else and do what your gut says; speak without thinking, pour whatever humane heart you have out or whatever. Don't think. Jump."

As Genma finished his speech, Sasori stared at him, letting the words digest, actually listening instead of letting them wash over him, like usual.

_You don't think. You do._

A strange tide washed over him, a prickling sensation running over his body. He found himself relaxing, suddenly, when his fists unclenched and his shoulders relaxed. It was like all the building stress from the past days melted away and he could breathe again, even allow his lips to curl up into the faintest of smiles.

_Don't think. Jump._

The fact that he couldn't predict Deidara's reaction was still terrifying, the idea that he didn't know what to expect was unnerving, but he couldn't do anything about that; the notion of going in blind was still unsettling but he swallowed and took a deep breath, waiting a few minutes before he looked Genma in the eye, the closest thing to a genuine smile Genma had ever seen from him.

"Thank you."

**fifteen days**

_"Please tell me you're in love with my brother."_

_ Sasori's eyes widened as those were the first words Ino spoke to him, a pleading tone with wavering eyes. Perturbed by the eye contact, he looked away first at his tea and narrowed his eyes. "What makes you say that?"_

_ "I've made Deidara's life a living hell," she answered immediately, a rueful smile on her lips, "And I realize that. And… and… I just want him to be happy now that I really realize it. I thought that what I did was right, really, I did. Maybe you don't believe me, seeing as you saw how he reacted more than I did, but… you have to understand, I really thought I was doing the right thing."_

_ "So what made you realize it?" Sasori asked softly, darting a glance at her. The girl hesitated for a moment, staring into her tea before she looked up at him, eyes softening, smile widening._

_ "When I saw how much he was in love with you."_

Sasori stopped in front of the door, fingers flitting across the handle before he recoiled, like it burned him to touch it. He hated hospitals. People either got better here but ultimately came here to die, to get bad news.

After meeting with Genma yesterday, he managed the nerve to visit Deidara today, not doing any preparation as to say whatsoever. He woke up at seven, ate breakfast for half an hour, and then studied for four. At eleven thirty, he had lunch, lasting until twelve and he relaxed for an hour by skimming over flashcards. At one o'clock precisely, he left his house and came to the hospital; he hadn't thought about the brat that entire morning, not giving himself an opportunity to rehearse what had to be heart spoken and the spur of the moment.

_"…How did that help?" he asked, frowning. His heart fluttered at the reminder; a part of him still couldn't believe that someone was in love with him, especially with their tumultuous relationship._

_ "He was happy," Ino answered, bringing up a hand to wipe away her tears, "I hadn't seen him that genuine in a while. Maybe he didn't look happy because you two acted like you hated each other but… he looked… relax and acted so. He was himself, he let his guard down. Deidara's never fallen in love before, not that deeply, anyway. And then when he left your place he was just… depressed. All he had left was med school and before, at least, he had you. I saw how miserable he was with my own eyes then without that cover of love because he was broken hearted. Okay, this makes no sense," she shook her head, laughing shakily, "I know. But… somehow it just clicked. First I took away his freedom and then I took away you, it was my fault that you guys had that rift anyway. It… I don't know. It just suddenly dawned on me how miserable I was making my own brother, my own blood."_

_ Sasori had no reply to that and Ino didn't mind, casting her eyes down again, a smile still lingering on her lips._

_ "…What would make him happiest would be you," she added in a low voice, "Quitting med school too, of course. But… you would make him happiest. I'm not asking you to force yourself, please, god, don't. But I really think you are from the way I've seen you act, the way you look at him, the way you act around and about him. If you are… please tell him. I want him to smile one more time."_

He had left Ino's shortly after that and returned home, immediately tackling the books. In fact, the walk from his house to the apartment was the first time he really thought about her words.

_If you are… please tell him._

Words echoing in his mind, he took a deep breath and opened the door, walking into the room that he had been avoiding like the plague. Deidara was asleep which was either a blessing or curse, Sasori wasn't sure, but he walked over slowly, quietly, dragging out the chair and sitting down, eyes gazing at the sleeping face. How should he start?, he wondered, should he wait for him to awake?

He shook his head at the idea; who knew how long that would take?

"Brat, you remember when you asked me why I wouldn't quit law school back when we first met?" Sasori managed a small smile as he watched the usually vibrant blonde lay still in the bed. He was peaceful and it was a relief to know that he really was asleep and not in a coma, not dying. There were still bruises on his face, cuts covered by bandages, skin pale that made Sasori cringe, wishing he was vibrant, alive, healthy.

"Well," he paused and cleared his throat, , "My parents died when I was young and my grandmother took care of me. She was strict and taught me how to make puppets. At that time, I thought it was because she didn't want to deal with me so she taught me something to keep myself occupied. And for that, I absolutely loathed her."

The redhead fell silent as he fixated his gaze on the crisp, white sheets. He was saying what felt right, what came to mind, and for some reason, explaining seemed to feel right, telling Deidara what he had never told anyone else even though the blonde was asleep.

"I was a kid. I wanted affection and I didn't understand why my grandmother wouldn't give it to me. I wondered what I had done wrong; why didn't anyone love me? I even began to think that my parents only loved me because they had to. So I began to work hard in school to prove everyone wrong, as if to say that I don't need love to succeed. But I guess deep down I was hoping for some kind of recognition from someone. Because I didn't want to hear "you're not good" enough anymore, I wanted to hear "you've done well" and some kind of praise from her." Sasori paused and let a dry chuckle escape through his dry, chapped lips. "I guess it sounds weird, that I've essentially been living my life for the person I claim to hate more than anyone. But recently, I've found out that my grandmother didn't teach me how to make puppets to distract me from wanting affection. It was to distract me from the pain of losing my parents."

Sasori elapsed into silence again, his gaze moving up to Deidara's sleeping face, reminded of just how a few nights ago his eyes were closed but for a different reason and Sasori had been so scared, so terrified. Deidara couldn't die, he had thought, he absolutely couldn't. He was supposed to succeed. More than anything, he wanted Deidara to be ecstatically happy. He had taken the biggest risk Sasori could even muster and the redhead wanted to see him reap the benefits of it, he wanted to see Deidara quit medicine and return to what made him happy. He wanted to see Deidara's smug face at his first art show and hear his jeering voice saying 'I told you so!' with his signature 'un.' He had so much to live for, it just wasn't _right_ for him to be taken away from this world of opportunities just yet.

"I also told you," Sasori swallowed a dry lump in his throat, "that if I were to drop out of law school, I would have to have a good reason. At that time, I didn't know there could ever be a reason good enough to quit. Because I wanted to gain recognition from my grandmother and to prove to myself, and everyone around me, that I was independent; I didn't need anyone or anything to help me succeed. But, I found a reason to quit."

Sometimes during the months they had been rooming together, Sasori found himself unknowingly growing attached to Deidara. The obnoxious voice was no longer as annoying, the weird habits were kind of endearing, and he had grown accustomed to thinking the speech impediment was cute. His personality, one that was on the opposite spectrum of Sasori's, had a gravitational force; Sasori just wanted to be with him all the time and see what the blonde would do next, what kind of crazy plan he had in mind this time. His smile, his laugh, his glare, his terrified face; Sasori loved watching him because he was like the rainbow. He possessed all the emotions Sasori never allowed himself to feel, and for that he loved him.

_Loved._

The word was still foreign to Sasori. He never believed in silly romance stories; how could he become so attached to someone that he was willing to give up everything else? He had so much in his future: a good career, a comfortable living, and security. At one point, he had thought that happiness was irrelevant; he could be happy when he retired comfortably. Pleasure came second to necessity; he had plenty of time to be happy after he worked for it first.

But then Deidara appeared at his door one day, bringing along with him everything Sasori found completely moronic. He blew up his artwork. He found life fleeting. He dictated that the most beautiful form of art was ephemeral. He squeezed from the middle of the toothpaste. He left shampoo and conditioner bottles uncapped. He never made his bed. He never folded his clothes. He never _washed_ his clothes. He left dirty dishes in the sink. He never bothered to organize anything. When he painted, it was quick and impromptu; he never had a vision in his mind like Sasori would. He was the exact opposite of everything Sasori believed in, and yet, Sasori fell in love with him. All his quirks and eccentricities were part of him and Sasori wanted to watch him forever. He was like a bird; untamed and free. He quit med school and became a hobo so he could be happy, whereas Sasori quit art to become a lawyer so he could become secure. They were like oil and water; they would never mix and they would always argue. But it didn't matter, because that's what he loved about their relationship: it wasn't perfect.

When Deidara went back to med school, Sasori felt a stab of betrayal twist and turn in his body, wrenching out his gut, making him bleed out. He had trusted Deidara, he actually began trusting in the blonde's preaching, thinking that maybe, just maybe, Deidara was right, maybe his mindset of thinking wasn't. And then when Deidara returned to med school, he was so hurt. His trust had been misplaced and he was so angry, so incredibly angry.

But then as time went on, Sasori's anger grew because he could see Deidara's unhappiness. _Why,_ he wanted to ask him, _why won't you quit?_ He had been so happy looking with such a bright smile and he had given it all up. Deidara's words made him believe that happiness really could be the most important thing to a person and he took those words to heart; that if happiness was that important, Deidara wouldn't listen to Ino because he didn't live his life for her, just as Sasori didn't live his life for his grandmother.

He just wanted to see Deidara happy because that made Sasori happy. To see Deidara happy made him feel the happiness vicariously, to see someone he loved happy made him feel happy, even if he was still stuck in law school himself.

"In the United States Constitution, there's something called an elastic clause," Sasori murmured, tracing circles with his thumb on Deidara's limp hand, "The clause dictates that the government may institute new laws or exercise powers that are needed or implied somewhere else in the Constitution. So basically, an exception. I thought nothing would be important enough for me to give up what I have. But then you come into my life with an explosion, and suddenly everything I believed in became irrelevant. So…" Sasori fell into silence again, heaving a breath, unused to such a long string of words.

The silence drew out and Sasori could feel his heart begin to race, eyes cast away, staring at the white sheets, at the bed, at the window, at everything except Deidara. He couldn't hear him, Sasori tried to remind himself, why was he still so nervous anyway? The blonde was unconscious, unable to hear him no matter what Sasori said. But even knowing that, it was such a relief to get it off his chest, a confession that he never found the right time to rid himself of. In the time span of just a few months, Deidara became the closest person to him, the only one that Sasori could fathom telling everything to.

Someone important to him, irreplaceable, unique. He smiled, a genuine, rare smile and turned to Deidara.

_You don't think. You do._

_Don't think. Jump._

_"Please tell me you're in love with my brother."_

_If you are… please tell him._

"I suppose that… I've fallen in love with you."

**.author's notes: the long awaited update! i enjoyed watching all the emotions in the reviews for the last chapter, but hopefully this has appeased those emotions a bit and softened your angry intents towards me. thank you for reading, reviews are, as always, much appreciated!.**


	20. confessions, promises, decisions

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter twenty: confessions, promises, decisions.**_

**fifteen days**

The minute Sasori entered the room, Deidara was aware of his presence. He didn't have to open his eyes; he could just _tell_, as stupid as that seemed, because Sasori's presence was special. It was the only one that made his heart skip a beat, that made his breath hitch; he didn't need any senses to know it was Sasori.

As Sasori spoke, the blonde had to do everything in his power to stay absolutely still, to not open his eyes, sit up, grab Sasori and hug him, something he would've never done but what Sasori was saying broke his heart. Those were genuine words, words of pain and suffering, words that reminded Deidara of what he had felt too, feelings he never wanted anyone else to feel. Because that feeling of hollowness was the absolute worst, like a dark vortex, swirling with loneliness and self loathing, of not being good enough and worthlessness, deep inside one, taking over, heartbreaking, deathly. To hear the person he was in love with say that made him want to do anything to comfort him, even something as simple and cliché as a hug. He didn't want Sasori to ever feel like that because he just wanted Sasori's happiness, not the very opposite.

He listened to the redhead speak, trying hard to keep his breathing steady, to not let it slip that he was fully conscious. Sasori was being so open and Deidara almost felt wrong listening to this, knowing that Sasori was a secretive person and would never say all this if he was awake. He wondered if he was supposed to pretend he didn't hear any of this, act like nothing was wrong, still keeping himself completely still, not even allowing his fingers to twitch.

Everyone else had come to visit him; all this friends and Ino had come to see him and to make sure he was doing well. While he managed to give small smiles and nods, a soft 'yes' to questions of 'are you all right?' he really just wanted silence. He didn't want to see anyone except for Sasori and, even then, he wasn't sure he wanted to see him.

Part of him wanted to run away from Sasori, stay away from him for as long as possible because he was scared, so scared of how strong his feelings were, of being hurt.

But the other part wanted to be with Sasori always. He was in love with Sasori, madly so, he couldn't bear the idea of being away from him forever.

And then the next nine words nearly made Deidara's heart stop.

_"I suppose that… I've fallen in love with you."_

He froze when he heard those words come from Sasori's lips, wondering if this was all really a dream, a wonderful dream. Sasori elapsed into a silence and Deidara was unsure what to do, wanting to sit up but not wanting to anger him, wanting to kiss him but not wanting to scare him, wanting him but not wanting to be pushed away.

The answer he had been waiting for was finally bestowed upon him. Sasori had made a choice, finally giving him an answer that he had been waiting for ever since that day on the roof, weeks ago, a distant but painful memory of making himself vulnerable and getting hurt.

_Sasori no danna…_

When he heard Sasori sighed and scoot the chair back to leave, he acted without thinking, instantly parting his lips to call out "danna" after him, eyes opening afterwards to watch him turn around. His lips were dry as Sasori's eyes were wide and he pushed himself up, heart pounding as he waited for Sasori to yell.

"I…" but it was Deidara who spoke first, not wanting to wait for Sasori to break the awkward silence. He swallowed a dry lump, fingers curling around his sheets as he stared eyes wide, "What you… said…"

Without warning, Sasori's lips were on his, warm and soft as his hands were on either side of his face, his fingers tangling themselves in Deidara's long hair, making sure to avoid the bandages around his head. He felt his heart immediately begin to beat faster at the kiss, breaths shortening. The last kiss was short and rough, a kiss of anger because of _that night._ But this kiss was different. It was soft and tender, gentle and caring, passionate and genuine. This was Sasori kissing him because he wanted to, because he felt it too, the intensity of the feelings.

"Sasori no danna, I—"

"Shut up," Sasori instantly murmured against his lips, not willing to break the kiss for something as trivial as talking. He smiled and kissed him again gently, eyes still closed. "Because once I pull back, I'm going to be mad at you. But right now I'm just so thankful that you're all right, brat. Don't ruin it with your talking."

And then he kissed him again, lips on his, hands on either side of his face, palms gentle against his jaw. As he moved, Deidara could feel soft twinges of pain from his injuries but he ignored them, simply knowing to not jerk and rip open his stitches.

He wanted to say it felt like _that night_ but it didn't; not at all. It was so different because it wasn't a hard, desperate kiss of what felt like retribution. It was gentle and sweet, a kiss of acceptance, of reciprocation, such a soft kiss that Deidara wanted to hate it, wanted to not like it because he didn't want to turn into a mushy schoolgirl but he couldn't help it. His hands gripped at Sasori's hair, keeping him close, never wanting him to pull away, to leave him again.

_"I suppose… I've fallen in love with you."_

The words echoed in his head over and over again, words that he had wanted to hear (though his pride didn't admit it.)

He wasn't used to happiness, really.

There was that phase of not being in med school and that, really, was happiness, he supposed. But he always had a lingering fear, a lingering guilt that didn't allow him to be truly happy, his conscience wouldn't leave him alone because he would always think back to Ino and how he was lying to her.

But this really was happiness. He didn't have a care about anything other than Sasori in front of him, other than the man that was kissing him, than the person that he was in love with admitting that he was mutually in love. This, without a care in the world, his conscience leaving him alone, these few moments were pure pleasure.

Just those few moments of pure pleasure.

"Sasori-san! You needn't rescue senpai with mouth-to-mouth, he has already awoken!"

Deidara was _this_ close to ripping out the IV needle in his arm and giving Tobi a reason to wear an eye patch over his other eye.

**few hours later**

"Fifteen days, hm?"

Tobi had been successfully saved from a murder attempt by a nurse that was passing by, hardly wondering why Sasori was just watching Deidara try to asphyxiate Tobi. The Uchiha, completely unfazed by Deidara's rage, had brightly chirped that he would call everyone else to tell them that Sasori had finally, _finally _visited Deidara, to which the redhead glared at him for.

"Yeah."

He was sitting by the blonde's bed again, much like how he was earlier, only this time Deidara was sitting up and awake. The atmosphere was more relaxed, so much more than the past few weeks during which if they had any contact it was stilted and awkward. But it was like there were no secrets anymore; Sasori had unburdened everything he had kept quiet for so long to him, finally figured out his response to the blonde's confession.

It was still unnerving to know that Deidara knew so much about him but, at the same time, he felt fine about it, knowing Deidara wouldn't judge and would accept him, flaws and insecurities and all.

"Studying?"

"Of course."

He heard a soft chuckle and looked up, admitting to himself that his heart did skip a beat when he saw Deidara's face, a gentle, relaxed smile upon his lips, eyes crinkled with kindness. Such a peaceful expression, a beautiful expression that Sasori had hardly seen.

"You remember your promise to me, un?" he asked quietly. And then it was Sasori's turn to chuckle as he nodded.

"I'll pass them. I definitely will."

**fourteen days**

Sasori had told him yesterday that he would visit once every three days and Deidara just laughed but nodded, saying it was fine.

Deidara didn't mind, really, he would repeat over and over again when his friends asked if he was annoyed that Sasori was choosing studying over seeing him. Sasori made him a promise and he was doing what he had to in order to pass. Just because they both admitted to being in love didn't meant that everything was changing; Sasori still had his exams and he would be studying for them, still taking them whether or not he fell in love with Deidara. And the blonde didn't mind, honestly, Sasori was stubborn and determined, one of his better traits.

"But senpai, what if Sasori-san is really just lazing around at home?!" Tobi had asked and Deidara gave him a skeptical look.

"Tobi, have you not been around Sasori no danna the last few months or what, un?"

**thirteen days**

_ Study study study study._

_ Read read read read._

_ Study study study study._

_ Memorize memorize memorize memorize._

_ Study study study study._

_ Don't let him down._

Sasori's self motivational chants in his head would be interrupted by sudden thoughts of Deidara. He had thought that after he confessed it would be better, that Deidara wouldn't pervade his mind anymore. But it was just as bad, if not worse; now he couldn't even control his mind. Images of the blonde would just randomly pop into his mind as he reviewed concepts and distract him.

He leaned back in his chair, letting out a thin stream of breath that moved a few of his bangs.

He had taken Genma's advice of jumping without thinking, just going for it, delving into the deep, unprepared, unsuspecting, unknowing of what would happen. And it was terrifying, unnerving, distressing but it had paid off. Things he had never comprehended made sudden sense as he said them; it was as if he had thought of all this before hand and was now telling Deidara in a smooth, uninterrupted voice. He spoke without thinking and he spun out some kind of an eloquent speech that he would have never, ever been able to think of if he planned it.

Smirking, he closed his eyes.

_Study study study study._

_ Read read read read._

_ Study study study study._

_ Memorize memorize memorize memorize._

_ Study study study study._

_ Do it for him._

**twelve days.**

"So how's the food here?"

"Just one step above your cooking, un."

The blonde gave Sasori a smirk as he opened the pudding, dragging the inside of the lid across his tongue. He had told Sasori that the pudding was the only edible thing the hospital gave and so he made sure to get every last bit of it.

"Are you feeling better?" Sasori asked, leaning back in the chair, smirking as he watched Deidara begin to eat voraciously.

"Yeah," he answered between bites, "Just want to keep me for a few more days of observation and tests, un. Just a few fractured bones here and there and sprained wrist, broken ankle, minor concussion, but I'm fine aside from that."

Deidara's injuries, Sasori found, really weren't as bad as he had imagined they would be, which was surprising. He looked like he was dying that night, in a puddle of his own blood; he thought that he had really lost him. And he had come close because of the blood loss and internal bleeding but, luckily, surgery saved him, having been operated on just in time.

"Studying hard?"

"Of course."

"Do me a favor, un."

"What?"

He turned to him, blue eyes watching him as he pulled the spoon out of his mouth, the pudding completely gone. The blonde smirked and Sasori felt his heart skip a beat, immediately chastising him for being so stupidly cheesy and susceptible to feelings like those. He still couldn't believe that he was in love with someone who was in love with him, that it had worked out like so; it felt unreal, it felt absolutely wonderful and he wanted nothing more than to just spend every day here with him, keeping him company.

"Next time you come, bring me bakudan, un."

"Done."

**eleven days**

"So?"

"…Heh?" Konan asked, hearing Deidara ask his one word question. She paused from peeling the apple (convinced that he needed fruits because just living on pudding wasn't enough) and saw a tired half smile on his lips, wondering what he wanted.

"Aren't you going to celebrate?" he asked, his voice a drawl, "About me and danna, un?"

"I…"

Blue eyes narrowed at the hesitance, frowning and wondering what was wrong. He had expected Konan to be the first to jump for joy to hear but she remained quiet, avoiding him until today or speaking very little. She was the local matchmaker in their group; he had no idea why she wasn't more exuberant about this, having been the one that he willed them together in the first place.

"Ko—"

"I don't want you to get hurt again," she blurted out, looking up at him, "I… I'm happy, I am, I promise, I was so happy I wanted to hug you and Sasori but that wouldn't have turned out for any of the three of us. But… just…" she paused and sighed, looking down again, "…Just because you two share the feelings that… a relationship takes more than that. The biggest conflict between you two is school and you guys are—"

"I'm dropping out," he interrupted her, giving a small smile to her shocked expression, "Ino… stopped by a few days ago. It was only a few minutes, un. After you guys all left and we talked. She apologized for forcing me into medicine and told me that I should probably stop if I wanted to live so…" he paused to give a shrug, but then he smiled and she felt tears at the corners of her eyes when she saw that smile because it was so simple but beautiful. It was a smile of joy, of happiness, of liberation; he was finally free from Ino, from expectations and he was smiling. He was happy and she found that so beautiful that she couldn't help but throw her arms around him, surprising the male but he laughed, feeling her wet tears stain the shirt he was donning. "Hey, don't cry, un. Pein's going to kill me."

"I want you to be happy," she murmured and he smiled, closing his eyes and returning her embrace, "I want you to be happy even though I don't know you that well, but I know you well enough and I've seen what you've done for Sasori. You're a good person and good people should be happy. I'm tired of seeing you be hurt and…"

"Thank you for worrying," he cut her off again and waited until she pulled back from the embrace, eyes still teary as she looked at him, "But… I've realized that there's really no use for worrying. What happens will happen; I can't control it, un. No one can. I got my answer to my confession and, really, that's all I can ask for. As for what happens next…" he paused and shrugged, "I'll just have to wait and see, I guess."

**ten days**

Deidara really didn't mind being alone. In fact, he actually liked it in a way; he got to be by himself and consider everything that had happened these last few days. It still felt like a dream, as cheesy as that sounded, but to think that his feelings were reciprocated and that he didn't have to push himself anymore…

It really was like a dream and it was still unfathomable that it had happened, that he could pursue what he wanted now.

He was in a good mood as he contemplated this, flipping through the channels of the television absentmindedly when the door opened. He had assumed it to be one of his friends as at least one of them stopped by every day to check on him, even though he said he really didn't need them to. But when he looked at who it was, his eyes widened to see it was Chiyo and immediately turned off the television (he sincerely hoped she wasn't judging him because it was on PBS Kids) and straightened up, watching as she hesitated.

"Deidara."

"Chiyo-san, un."

"May I?"

"Of course."

Stilted words exchanged between two people connected by Sasori were all that was said for a few moments as Chiyo sat down, smoothing her dress. A quick glance at the clock alerted him that this was her lunch break; surely this must be important for her to travel all the way here.

"My grandson is in love with you."

Deidara had no idea how to reply to this but nodded dumbly, raising a hand to push his blonde hair out of the way. Was Sasori in trouble or something?, he wondered, fear gripping him for a moment.

"He…" Chiyo paused, frowning, "…You've changed my grandson in a way I never thought possible. Excuse me for asking but… what is so impressive about you?"

Had anyone else asked, Deidara would've stared incredulously and been incredibly insulted by the question. But this was Chiyo asking and it was a valid question, how had he managed to change the stubborn Akasuna Sasori?

"…I don't know," he answered, smiling slightly, looking away with soft eyes, "…I don't, un. I just… I don't know how I actually got through with him. I—"

"Do you love him?"

At the blunt question, Deidara both blushed and nearly face palmed at the same time. It was evident where Sasori got his bluntness from.

"…I do, un."

Chiyo remained quiet and simply stared at him for a while, a frown set on her expression, always a serious one. He brought his gaze to meet hers and wondered what she was thinking when she came here, what she wanted. Answers, probably, but he couldn't provide them for her.

"…Then that's why," she sighed, smiling slightly, "You love him and that changed him because he finally has someone that loves him and is willing to show it. You did what I never could so I thank you for that. But at the same time... please guide him to the right decision."

Blonde brow furrowed, Deidara tried to comprehend what she said. "Right decision? In what sense? Right as in go after law or right as in pursue what he loves?"

"You know him better than anyone else," she answered and stood up, preparing to leave and the corners of her lips upturned by the tiniest bit, the equivalent of her smile, "Point him in the right direction. You've changed Sasori into someone he doesn't completely know how to be: himself. Help him, Deidara. Please. Do what I never could for him."

**nine days**

"I won't be visiting you until after exams."

"Of course."

Though the words were short and clipped, sentences abrupt, their conversations didn't feel like that. Now that they thought about it, all their conversations had been like this; all the normal ones, at least. They both weren't big on spilling their guts, laying everything out for the other to see. But they had done that and now reverted to how they were because this was how they were comfortable, conversing in short clipped sentences, not talking about their feelings.

Deidara looked forward to when Sasori visited, even more so this time because he brought the bakudan. The blonde had thanked him and immediately dug in, eating voraciously and Sasori smirked, shaking his head as he sat down. "You act like they've been starving you."

"Can't live off of pudding, un."

Sasori laughed at the remark and rested his elbows on the bed, pressing the palms of his hand into his eyes. Deidara glanced over, half tempted to tell him of his conversation with Chiyo. It felt odd to not tell him, like he was keeping a secret, but he wasn't; not a bad one, anyway. He didn't want to cause Sasori any more unnecessary stress, make him even more confused with his bar exams coming up in nine days.

"You should go home and sleep," he said quietly, hesitating from his food. He hadn't expected Sasori to stay, honestly; he expected him to simply drop off the food and go home, resume studying. He looked weary and Deidara wondered just how much he was sleeping, if he even was.

"I'm fine," came the muffled response and he sighed at the stubbornness, "This is how I relax. This is the only way that I know to not study."

"You're crazy."

Sasori smirked, looking up at him.

"For you."

"…Now you're scaring me, danna. Please sleep, un."

**eight days**

He was released from the hospital the next day, a combination of the doctors deeming him ready and the nurses getting sick of Deidara always asking for pudding and only eating that. He had asked Itachi to pick him up, which came as a surprise because it was unspoken that Itachi and Deidara never got along particularly well, more as a onesided thing from Deidara that no one bothered to ask him about.

"Take me to school, un."

The question was in Itachi's eyes as he sat down in the driver's seat, Deidara securing the seatbelt of the passenger seat next to him. He had been wondering why Deidara requested him until he asked him to take him there and it made sense: he was the only one with a car.

The car ride was silent as Itachi wasn't big on small talk and Deidara wasn't quite fond of Itachi either, choosing instead to stare out the window, occasionally letting out a sigh. When they reached campus and Deidara said 'Tsunade' the Uchiha figured out just what he wanted to do.

"Congratulations."

"Shut up, Uchiha," was the snappy response to Itachi's kind words.

When Itachi stopped close to the building, Deidara told him that he would be fine going alone and it would also be fine if Itachi left. But to his surprise, the Uchiha simply put the car in park and turned it off, pulling out a book and gave him a serene smile, saying that he didn't mind. Though it was kind, Deidara found himself annoyed because how was he supposed to dislike a nice guy like that?

Rolling his eyes, he muttered a 'thanks' under his breath and slammed the car door shut as he turned and began heading to the building, the same one he had gone into a few months ago and nearly ruined his life. He still remembered that day of going in, asking to be readmitted, praying feverishly that he wouldn't be, being so confident that he'd be rejected. But he had been accepted by an odd twist of fate and thus began the worst few months of his life, even worse than when he had no home.

"Is Tsunade-san here?" he asked the secretary and she nodded, gesturing towards the door nonchalantly. He thanked her politely and walked down the hallway, feeling reminiscent. His heart was pounding as he knocked on the door, hearing a 'come in.' He took a breath to calm himself and then obliged, turning the brass door handle and going in.

"Ah, Iwa. What—"

"I want to quit, un."

He blurted the words out, cutting Tsunade off. Usually he would have regretted that, knowing to wait, but he couldn't help it; he wanted to quit so badly, to get out of the clutches of what was expected of him as soon as possible. Shaking, he raised his gaze to meet hers, ready to be yelled at, for throwing this away again, for quitting again. Her expression was unreadable but she was frowning as she removed her glasses, closing the book that had been open in her hand.

"Quit?" she repeated quietly, turning to face him head on, "Quit medical school, I'm assuming?"

He swallowed. "Yeah. It's… I don't belong there, un. I'm… not happy. I'm sorry to have wasted your time but I almost died and… and I thought it through."

"Iwa Deidara…" she said his name slowly with a deep sigh and he felt fear spasm through him again at what she was going to say next, at how much she was going to yell. She was staying quiet and that made him more nervous because, in his experience, when someone stayed quiet that just meant they were going to yell more in a few seconds. She looked up and he flinched, preparing himself.

"…That's the smartest decision you've made all year."

That's all she said in a normal tone, a normal, even seemingly kind, voice. He looked at her, eyes wide to see a soft smile decorating her lips, a gentle look in her eyes. His throat was dry as he uttered an unintelligible 'huh?' to which she shook her head, laughing gently.

"I knew you were going to quit, Iwa," she said and he couldn't help but feel slightly insulted, "You're one of those people that learns from experience. You needed to mess up, so, I gave you an opportunity to mess up. Congratulations on messing up and on figuring out what was right," she shrugged, smirking at him and his wide eyes, "You've graduated."

**seven days**

For Sasori, he was going to be studying every day until those stupid, stupid exams. Every single day except the last; he would relax the entire last day, knowing that tiring himself out would just leave him in a bad spot for test day.

He sighed, leaning back and stretching; he had just finished another three hour study block and needed to move around a bit, stretch his limbs so they wouldn't become sore and distract him later on.

Seven days. He had just one week left before he was going to take those tests and had told everyone to not distract him, saying if they did, someone better be dying or it was to tell him that his testing location had burned down and he didn't have to take it.

The only person he didn't tell to not disturb him was Deidara but not because he wanted to be distracted. Rather, it was because he didn't need to tell Deidara; Deidara was the only person that could understand his need to study and would know to leave him alone unless necessary.

Smirking, he felt himself relax as he always did when it came to the brat, expelling a long sigh.

_I'm going to pass these exams._

_ The least I can do for you after all this is keep a promise._

**six days**

"Itachi, you are going to admit that you have been dating Kisame behind my back for weeks, maybe even months, and you are going to admit it right here and right now, completely sincerely and honestly."

Everyone turned to Konan to see her glaring at Itachi, eyes narrowed and brow knit, lips pursed in a frown. The Uchiha opened his mouth but nothing came out, at a loss for words for once.

"Itachi. Admit it. Now. _Admit it. _You've been dating him to get my attention because I've been focusing on others."

"…I have not."

"Uchiha Itachi, you admit that I'm right right now."

"You should just do it," Pein muttered, giving a slow nod, "You will eventually. Just… don't prolong your suffering."

"…Fine," Itachi sighed, looking away with a frown, annoyed at being forced to admit something like that, "…You're right."

It was only after everyone had left the cafeteria (Deidara was still at home, taking a few days off and Sasori was definitely at home studying) that Konan turned to Pein and grinned.

"See, told you I would get them together!"

**five days**

"Are you going to move back into Sasori's?"

Deidara nearly jumped when he heard his sister's voice, turning around to see her leaning against the doorframe of his room, watching him pack up the few belongings he had. Once he returned all the textbooks and threw out all the supplies all he had left were clothes, Sasori's puppets, and a few sculptures, really not much to pack. Sighing, he shrugged.

"Danna's studying. He'll probably be annoyed if I move back in now. Besides, I have a few days, un."

"So you and Sasori…" Ino paused before letting a smile spread, "are you guys, like, together now?"

He stared at her for a moment before scowling and sitting down on his bed, sighing. She laughed and walked over, taking a seat next to him, amused at how easily her brother got worked up at just the mention of Sasori. "So are you? Have you two at least both confessed?"

"Yeah but…" he frowned, bringing a hand up and running his fingers through his bangs messily, "…It's not that simple, un."

"It is, actually."

"Really, now."

"It is," she repeated with more adamancy, "You're in love with him and he's in love with you and if you two love each other enough, you can make it work, despite whatever's in the way. I know this is so cheesy and you probably won't believe it but, really, if you have something worth fighting for, you'll fight harder than you thought possible. You want to be with Sasori, don't you? So fight for him. Fight and do whatever you can to keep him, to convince him that it's worth it."

"I never knew I had such a philosopher for a little sister…" Deidara commented dryly, looking over at her with a wry smile, "Since when did you think about stuff like this, un?"

"I want you to be happy," she answered, a small smile playing on her lips, almost sheepish seeming, "After all I've caused you… I know that it was because you went back to med school that you and Sasori had issues, all right? I made you sad, I hurt you in more ways than just one and… you're my brother. I can't help but love you and want you to be happy and you'll be happy with Sasori. So I want you to be with Sasori. I'll always be here, even if you don't go down the path I thought and hoped you would because your happiness is more important than anyone's expectations."

Deidara was never the type of person to be extraordinarily touchy; he seldom hugged Ino. But he leaned over and wrapped his arms around her, pulling his sister towards him in an embrace, her face resting against his shoulder. She was surprised but smiled, raising her arms to return the embrace, feeling her brother's warmth radiate.

"Thank you," she heard him murmur quietly, "…Thank you for everything, un."

"We're siblings," she laughed, "I have to love you, remember?"

**four days**

"Come on! Let's go, Pein, we have to go find him before he goes back to studying!"

"Konan," Pein sighed, still not moving from his position on the couch as Konan was at the door, bag on her shoulder, casserole covered with tin foil and in her hands, "He's not taking a break because that's not in his plan. I promise you, if you go to Sasori right now, he will just ignore you."

"But he has to eat-!"

"He probably has a stash of Cheezits under his desk or something," he answered, giving her a cursory glance as he flipped a page in his book, "He'll be fine. He's smart. He doesn't want to be disturbed; you should know that."

"I do but…"

"And you should also know that Sasori won't change—"

"He changed because of Deidara—"

"Are you Deidara?" he asked and she faltered before her face pulled into a scowl. Sighing, she let her bag fall to the floor with a soft 'thump' and walked back over to the kitchen, putting down the casserole. Pein closed his book and walked over to join her, offering a small smile.

"Your weakness," he said quietly, poking her forehead to attract her attention, "is that you care too much about other people. You empathize and sympathize. You're too affected by what others feel."

"What does this have to do with casserole?"

"Nothing. It's just what I've noticed about you these past few months," he chuckled, avoiding her attempt to hit him, "So that brings me to my next point: stop worrying about them and what they're going to do now. You've played matchmaker well, I admit, but you can't do anything more. Leave them be. Let them figure it out by themselves."

She frowned, eyes still focused on the tin foil. But after a few more moments, she sighed, even smiling slightly, not wanting to admit that he was right, that her weakness was that she cared too much and wanted others to be happy.

Pein saw her smile and took it as an okay to eat the casserole that had been meant for Sasori, but the moment his fingers grazed the tinfoil, she hit his hand away.

"…What?"

"No casserole for you."

"What?!"

"Starve tonight."

**three days**

"So you quit med school."

"Yeah, un."

"Aaand you're moving out of your sister's place."

"That's the plan, un."

"Good job, man. You're finally growing a fucking pair!" Hidan clapped the blonde on the back, smirking as Deidara glared at him. "You going to move back in with Sasori?"

"I don't know yet," he answered, reaching up and moving his fringe out of the way only to have it fall right back in place, "I'm waiting, un. To talk to him about that and everything."

He sat down on a bench and winced at a sudden pain in his chest. Hidan frowned when he saw that and sat down next to him. "You need to go to the hospital or something?"

"Nah, I'm fine."

"You're not going to start spurting blood, are you?"

"No, I'm more worried by the fact that you're hardly swearing."

"Fuck you."

"Ah, that's better."

"So is the redhead still holed up in his study preparing for those exams?"

Deidara gave a nod before he turned his gaze upwards towards the canopy of trees in the park they were taking a walk in. He supposed it was odd that he and Hidan were taking a walk in a park, such a serene place for a violent pair, but he needed to get out of the house and couldn't think of anything else to do. Luckily for him, Hidan was fine with it; he said he had nothing better to do today anyway. When Deidara teased him about finding Kakuzu, the silver haired man rolled his eyes and scoffed, not willing to admit that he had been worried about Deidara.

When Deidara suggested that, he was nearly killed.

"Three more days, un," he said softly, "I don't want to distract him."

"So you guys…" Hidan frowned and made some kind of gesture with your hands, "Are you guys like…"

"Together, un?"

"Well, I was going to say 'fucking' but I guess that's a better word."

"I don't know yet and I'm disregarding your last statement," he added in an undertone, shrugging, "Danna doesn't need to think about stuff like that, un. I waited all this time, I can wait three more days."

"I predicted this you know. I was damn right."

"Oh?" the blonde turned to his friend, a lazy smirk pulling at his lips. "How so, un?"

"I gave Sasori those handcuffs, remember? Fuckin' knew you two would need them!"

"…Danna threw those out."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah. Minute we got home he took out a hammer and began pounding on it and was about to melt them with the stove fire before I stopped him, un. So he just threw them in the trash and tossed some rotten fruit over it."

"That ungrateful son of a bitch…!"

"…You're an idiot, un."

**two days**

Zetsu almost, almost, almost died today.

In the form of Sasori killing him.

Tobi wanted to go find Sasori, to talk to him; apparently, the Uchiha said that he had "unfinished business" with the redhead and Zetsu had scoffed. But the idiot was serious and stomped out of the dorm, heading straight to Sasori's with Zetsu tailing, trying to stop him. Really, he didn't quite care if Sasori killed Tobi (who was probably going to yell at him about hurting his senpai) but he knew that Sasori's residual anger would be directed towards him.

Tobi had reached Sasori's door before Zetsu finally got impatient and put a hand on the Uchiha's arm, yanking him and causing him to turn around, eyes narrowed.

"Tobi, you do not want to disturb Sasori. He's studying."

"Tobi needs to tell Sasori-san how senpai was so hurt!"

"Trust me, he knows. Don't bother him."

Rolling his eyes, Tobi wrenched his arm away. "What could Sasori-san possibly do to me?"

Zetsu stared at Tobi silently for a few moments but sighed and pulled up his shirt sleeve, showing Tobi a jagged scar. "See this?"

Tobi's eyes were wide as he stared at it, an ugly, large scar on his forearm. "D-did…"

"Once," Zetsu leaned in with a dangerous whisper, "I knocked on Sasori's door while he was studying for a history exam."

He had never seen Tobi run away that quickly, he thought with amusement as the kid sprinted off and he pulled his shirt sleeve back down, smirking.

_ Who knew gardening accidents would come in handy? _

**one day**

_One more day._

_ One more day._

Sasori repeated the words to himself, chanting them rhythmically in his head. Today was a day he set aside to simply relax, to not tire himself out the day before the exam. As such, he had leisurely gotten up at ten today and spend an hour simply laying in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, enjoying the silence. At eleven, he then got up and ordered a pizza that came nearly forty minutes later but he was relaxing so, of course, he didn't get angry (he slammed the door shut by accident.)

He ate his pizza as he mindlessly watched television, ignoring the texts and calls on his phone. He was relaxing today; he refused to see anyone and did check the names trying to get his attention but, unless he knew it was important, ignored it.

He didn't think about the test.

He didn't think about the exams tomorrow, about how a part of him still wanted to desperately impress his grandmother, about his promise to Deidara.

_Deidara._

He thought about Deidara frequently. He couldn't help it; the thoughts would simply permeate into his mind, distracting him from concentrating on whatever he was watching. The whirlwind of thoughts all revolved around that moment in the hospital when Deidara woke up, when it just hit him that, here it was, here was his chance for happiness, his chance to start over, anew, fresh, to be happy, to be himself, to do what he wanted.

After letting everything out, he felt like he had been cleansed of everything weighing him down; he had been holding onto those words, those feelings for far too long.

The feeling of falling in love, of being loved, he never thought he would experience it.

He spent the day like that, floating in and out of his thoughts, of consciousness, of clarity. He forced himself to relax, to not think about the exams or, worse yet, what he would do when he got the results back.

If he failed, it would devastate him, crush him. He would have disappointed Chiyo, broken his promise to Deidara, and failed himself; failure was not an option, absolutely not an option for him. But at the same time, failure would make it easy to quit law, wouldn't it? He shook his head vehemently when the thought occurred; how stupid was that? He was Akasuna Sasori; if he failed, he tried again, and again, and again, as many times as needed until he succeeded. If he failed, it would only be permanent.

But if he succeeded, that would seem to be even worse. Because if he succeeded then he had the choice of continuing law or abandoning it, of doing what was expected against a radical, fresh start, what he wanted, what he so badly wanted to do but couldn't, didn't want to, shouldn't.

He refused to think about that.

He did everything he could to keep his mind off of that: attempting to cook (he ordered Chinese in the end), a hot long bath (he became too impatient to let the bath fill and resorted to a hot shower), watching more mindless television (soap operas were so boring.)

And somehow the entire day passed like that with him interacting with no one except the people that delivered his food. He checked his phone one last time and was surprised to see a voice message from Deidara as well as only one missed call from him, unable to help himself from smirking. Oddly enough, the one person that probably wanted to talk to him most was the one that made the least effort, knowing that Sasori wouldn't answer.

He pressed 'listen' and held the device up to his ear, closing his eyes in the dark room.

_"Ah, I didn't expect you to pick up anyway, un."_ A hesitant pause and Sasori smirked again, hearing Deidara make some kind of a shuffling sound. _"Your bar exams are tomorrow and… they're important to you, un. You probably feel like your entire life has culminated up to this point, even more so than the LSATs. I'm not calling to say good luck because you won't need it. I know you won't. You studied hard and were smart about it, whatever happens tomorrow will be what will happen. Just… remember your pencils, proctors get annoyed if you forget. Number two. Good erasers. Bring several water bottles; keep yourself hydrated. I trust you drank a lot of water today, un. Really, water helps. Ah… bring some snacks too, just to keep your energy up. It's a long, hard test and I'm sure you know that. Just… just do your best. Do it for yourself, un. Not for your grandmother or for me but for yourself."_

Deidara stopped speaking again, this time pausing for a long time, his breathing shallow and Sasori waited for him to continue speaking, although a bit impatiently.

_"…I want to talk to you,"_ he finally said in a low, quiet voice, _"I do. Every day, un. I want to talk to you so badly that I have to literally force myself to not go to your house, to not text or call you relentlessly because I miss you, seeing you, hearing your voice. But… you have your exams and I don't want to distract you. And I don't mind waiting so… kick ass tomorrow, un."_

And then the voicemail ended, an electronic voice informing him so and Sasori hung up on her, resting his cell phone on his nightstand. Closing his eyes, the redhead turned on his side, back towards his nightstand and expelled a sigh, feeling calmer and more relaxed than he had all day, like Deidara's words somehow soothed him, relaxed him when the brat probably just couldn't restrain himself. Nevertheless, Sasori sighed again, a ghost of a smile hinting on his lips.

_Thank you._

**test day**

"Based on how you've been acting all day, I'd think that you were the one taking the test. Stop it, seriously," Zetsu frowned as he watched Deidara fidget, legs alternatively shaking and biting at his nails. "I'm sure Sasori's finishing up now. **Good thing twitching doesn't burn that many calories otherwise you'd be a fucking stick by now."**

"Shouldn't the stupid exams be over by now, un?" Deidara asked irritably, glancing at the clock on the wall of Pein and Konan's apartment, where they all had been gathered since noon, the test itself starting at about nine. No contact had been made with Sasori by anyone, knowing that if they tried to call he would probably pick up and bite their heads off.

It was just a bit after five and Deidara, who had memorized the schedule of the exam, was fidgeting, waiting for Sasori. A few days ago when Sasori was still able to be contacted, Konan had told him that they would be at her place and they would have a celebratory dinner for him. He had mumbled but Konan made sure that it was an agreeable mumble.

"You know he has to fuckin' walk here, right?"

"Shut up, Hidan," he retorted immediately, blue eyes glaring at the silver haired man who simply shrugged and smirked lazily.

"You seemed all right waiting."

"I hate waiting. Shut up, Uchiha, you know nothing, un."

"Oh that was all an act," Konan chirped, ignoring Deidara's death glare, "He just didn't want to admit he's been impatient and wants to talk to Sasori!"

"Shut up, un!"

"Oh look, Deidara, you're blushing!"

"I'm going to-!"

"You kill my girlfriend, I kill you. That's how it is."

Deidara had risen out of his seat but Pein immediately stood up, not so much serious but more amused, unable to help the corners of his lips from twitching, showing that he wanted to laugh if it weren't completely unlike him and that he didn't want to anger Deidara even more. Tobi jumped up frantically, waving his arms and trying to help calm the aura, jumping when Deidara barked at him to shut up and go do some physics, to which he answered that he did have a few questions…

No one noticed the door open quietly and Sasori slip in, using a spare key Konan had left to him (because if she and Pein were both locked out, Sasori was the only one responsible enough to still have a key.) He raised an eyebrow at the sight, taking a few minutes to simply stare because it had been so long since he saw his friends.

"You're all the same, huh."

At the sound of his voice, everyone turned to him at the exact same time that unnerved Sasori. He was too tired to make a comment about that, brain having been in overdrive nearly all day so he just smirked tiredly, waving a hand. "Hey."

"Sasori!" Konan bounded over and hugged him, ignoring that he stumbled back in surprise, "You're here! Finally! Okay, you can tell us al about the test over dinner. Guys, help me, all right?" she released him almost immediately, suspiciously so, and turned around, motioning to the others. Most of them seemed to get it, immediately heading to the kitchen but Tobi lingered, blinking innocently.

"Tobi wants to talk to Sasori-san-!"

"No, Tobi, no you don't," Itachi sighed and dragged his relative with him towards the kitchen which, not coincidentally, had a perfectly clear view of the living room. Deidara found himself standing in the living room as everyone left, eyes locked with Sasori as he watched the redhead approach him.

He looked so tired, eyes weary and so out of energy but Deidara expected that; he had taken a mentally exhausting test and probably wanted nothing more than to go home. But he didn't look like he wanted to leave and Deidara's eyes widened when he approached him, stopping just a small distance away.

"Hey." Sasori's voice was quiet and low, a baritone quality that Deidara had always found himself liking, a simple word that sent chills down his spine. Part of him still hated that Sasori had the uncanny ability to make him feel like a hormonal teenager.

"Exams go well, un?" Deidara asked, trying to keep his expression neutral as Sasori smirked; the weariness was still evident but seemed to lessen.

"Nothing too horrible," he answered with a nonchalant shrug, "I did everything I could to prepare for it."

Sasori didn't need to turn around to know that he was being watched like a hawk, feeling stares being burned into the back of his head and hearing Konan chastise them, reminding them to help her with dinner.

"I listened to your voicemail last night," he added and Deidara's eyes widened in surprise, "…It helped. Drank all the water I brought as well as all the carrots and celery. Thank you."

"…Yeah. Sure, un." Deidara offered a weak smirk, wanting nothing more than to reach out and grab Sasori. The bar exams were over, everything was temporarily over and he wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. But he couldn't; just because they knew of each other's feelings didn't change who they were. They weren't just going to reach out and hug each other, suddenly become affectionate because they weren't even sure of the state of their relationship, what they were considered as.

"I quit med school," Deidara blurted out suddenly, awkwardly, wanting Sasori to know, wanting to tell the redhead himself.

"I heard," Sasori answered and looked up, offering a ghost of a smile. When he had heard from Itachi (who managed to get three minutes of Sasori's time by bribing him with a bunch of fresh strawberries) he nearly lost his composure and smiled, not happy that Deidara wasn't a hypocrite anymore but more that he was happy, that at least one of them was free. "Congratulations. Also heard you're moving out of Ino's."

"Yeah, un."

"Have anywhere to go?"

Deidara shifted uncomfortably. "Not really—"

"Then…" Sasori reached a hand out, taking one of Deidara's and the other rummaged in his pocket searching for something. He turned the blonde's palm face up and placed something in it and when he drew his hand back, Deidara looked down to see a key, blue eyes wide as he looked back up at him, a real smile stretched across his lips, eyes gentle, voice soft.

"It's time for you to come home."

**few weeks later**

"Brat. _Brat,_ get out of the shower!"

"I've got long hair, danna, deal with it, un!"

Sasori crossed his arms outside of the bathroom, leaning against the wall next to the door irritably, scowling. He had already showered but there was too much garlic in his pasta (Deidara wanted to be spontaneous and order Italian) and he wanted to brush his teeth but Deidara decided to inconveniently shower at this time.

Weeks had passed since the bar exam and Sasori felt almost lost without law looming over his head. Chiyo told him that there was no need for him to attend classes until his results came in and so he was lounging around at home with Deidara who was back to working on his art, hands nearly always covered in clay and dragging Sasori out to the park where he put on his shows. The redhead himself had waited a full week before resuming puppetry, not wanting to rush into it and make mistakes because of how tired he was from all those weeks of studying. He felt at home again in his own apartment surrounded by his puppets and Deidara instead of study books and take out containers.

He had initially planned to wait before talking to Deidara, to establish their relationship. But the minute they returned home together (bringing what little things Deidara had taken with him) after the dinner at Pein and Konan's, the redhead couldn't wait, his impatience demanded that they talk now, here, immediately.

_"Huh, place is actually messy and reeks of Chinese, un. You must've been really—"_

_ Deidara's commentary on the current state of Sasori's apartment was cut off as he was slammed against the closed door, dropping his bags as he felt Sasori's lips on his. It was so sudden and completely unexpected; all throughout dinner it was normal, they acted like friends the entire night. But now Sasori was making it clear that he didn't want to be friends, that he didn't want their platonic relationship to remain simply platonic anymore._

_ The blonde closed his eyes and clutched at the redhead's shirt, shuddering when he felt a warm, moist tongue run across his bottom lip. Immediately, he parted his lips for Sasori, understanding his silent request, nearly moaning when he felt Sasori's tongue in his mouth, battling his. When Sasori pulled back, breaking the kiss for air, they were both panting, Deidara's half lidded eyes matching Sasori's, blush hidden by the darkness of the apartment._

_ "That was our third, yeah?" he asked quietly but Sasori ignored him._

_ "I want that," he said and Deidara's eyes widened, "I want to kiss you whenever I want without having to worry what you want. I don't want to be just your friend, acquaintance, roommate, whatever. I want you. I'm in love with you and I want you, I want that, I want a relationship, I want to be close to you. Ignoring you, not seeing you was the hardest part these last few days. I wanted to see you, I wanted to solidify what we were but I couldn't. But now the exams are over and all that matters is you and us and I want to know exactly what we are."_

_ The blonde was staring, feeling heat rise to his cheeks, heart pounding in his chest as he listened to Sasori's words. "Danna, I…" he had to stop an close his eyes, letting his lips curl up into a small smile when he reopened his eyes to look at him, "…You made it easy on me, un. I wasn't sure how to bring the subject up and tell you."_

_ "Good."_

_ Sasori smirked but Deidara could see the relief in his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him again but Sasori pulled back. Frowning slightly he looked up but hardly opened his mouth when Sasori smirked, silencing him._

_ "I kiss you twice. Once you were drunk, the second a few minute later when you were asleep. So that was our fifth."_

_ "…You took adv—"_

_ He silenced the blonde with a kiss, cutting him off before he could get out his words and pulled back, still smirking._

_ "Sixth."_

But nothing had changed.

They hadn't even come to a consensus what they were, only that they were allowed to kiss. But Sasori didn't mind that, all he wanted to know was that Deidara didn't want to be _just_ friends. He had gotten his answer and was satisfied with it; he didn't need a label of boyfriend or lovers or couple.

It was just like how they were before all of this. They fought and argued more than they relaxed but they still enjoyed each other's presence, Sasori managing to calm Deidara and Deidara getting Sasori to loosen up. He had missed him a lot, Sasori thought, a lot more than he had imagined. It was so easy to readjust to living with him, it was like he never left, like hardly anything changed.

The last two weeks were completely normal; mostly silence in the apartment as they worked on art, occasional conversation when they needed to discuss what to eat or when they wanted to go out. They saw their friends but not too often because, after all, they still had school. Med school wasn't talked about and neither was law, it was like they were in a euphoria, forgetting real life and just being happy. Sasori liked that; he liked it a lot and refused to think that it would eventually end.

Idly, he glanced around his apartment as he waited for Deidara to get out of the shower. When his eyes landed on the kitchen table, he caught sight of the pile of letters and remembered that Deidara had gotten the mail. He pushed himself off the wall and walked over, picking up the pile and sorting through it, rolling his eyes as he just saw the words 'bills' over and over again, then a subscription to an art magazine, more bills, did Deidara enter another sweepstakes competition?, even more bills…

Suddenly his eyes widened and his breath hitched as he saw a letter addressed to him, first class mail, the address of the sender the National Lawyers Association of Japan.

_Fuck._

He hardly swore, seldom using such vulgar words. But his heart stopped when he saw the words, knowing that these were his results. He wanted to just rip it open and look at the results but stopped himself, grabbing a letter opener and opening it carefully, cursing his OCD. With shaking hands, he took the letter out, brown eyes scanning over it, reading rapidly, a skill he picked up from skimming over tedious documents.

"Deidara," he shoved the letter back in the envelope, keeping his voice even, "I'm going out for a bit."

"Why?"

The blonde poked his head out of the bathroom door just in time to see the front door slam shut and frowned slightly but rolled his eyes, shaking it off as he went back to drying himself off. "Impatient bastard, un…"

He didn't even walk to Chiyo's; once he was outside, he hailed a taxi, recited her address and clenched the letter in his hand as he waited to arrive. His first instinct was to go to Chiyo when he saw the results. It was like he reverted to a young child again, unsure of everything and always going to his grandmother, asking for an answer.

As a small child, he had always followed his grandmother's commands without hesitation. Up until Deidara, he had done so, pushing away his rising desire to rebel, to break away from what she set out. But at the root, he still went to her for help, this decision he had to share with her, wanted her to be the first to know because this was more of her dream than his or anyone else's. If anything, she deserved to know.

Going to her, he'd know what her advice would be. He thought he knew her exact words, just what she would say. But still, he hoped that she might tell him something he hadn't thought of, create a magical solution. Despite how much stress his grandmother caused, she was still family; he still loved her unconditionally and would still respect her for the rest of his life.

When the taxicab screeched to a halt, he handed the driver a bill and muttered 'keep the change' as he got out, slamming the door behind him and springing up the stairs into the building. He ran past the receptionist and went straight to the staircase, all his nervous energy and impatience leading him there because he didn't want to waste time on the elevator. Sitting still in that taxicab had been so hard; he had been twitching and fidgeting rapidly. He felt slightly bad about just leaving Deidara but it couldn't be helped, really; he would understand.

By the time he reached her floor, he was panting heavily, chest heaving as he pounded on her door. Usually he would knock or use the key she gave him but he had left immediately, grateful his wallet was already in his pants. But he couldn't be calm enough to knock; he pounded at the door, loud, desperate thumps of his clenched fist against the door, willing his grandmother to open, praying she was there, that she wasn't busy.

The moment she opened the door, he shoved the envelope at her. "They… these are the results. I…"

Without another word and resuming her stern expression, recovering quickly from shock, she took the envelope from him and opened it, beady eyes scanning it in a similar fashion to how Sasori was reading it. The redhead watched, waiting for a reaction as he tried to calm his breathing. His heart was still pounding furiously and mouth was going dry, wondering what she was going to say. "I…"

"…You passed," she said quietly, her eyes looking over the words in the letter again just like how Sasori had to confirm that what he read was right. Sasori felt like he should smile, like he should be rejoicing, celebrating, that all his hard work had paid off. But he couldn't; he couldn't smile, couldn't even force one, couldn't pretend to be happy. He reached his goal and kept his promise but he didn't want this, to go into law, to continue. A small part of him was hoping for failure so that he wouldn't have to make this decision. She was quiet for a few more moments, digesting this, letting it sink in before she spoke again.

Chiyo looked up kindly and Sasori was struck at how soft her features seemed suddenly. As she removed the reading glasses that were usually perched on the bridge of her nose, she seemed to age at least a decade; the frigid professor that he listened to lectures to was missing and right there in front of him was the only family he had left. She was no longer the person that tried to steer him down a certain path; she suddenly looked like someone that cared for his wellbeing, for what he wanted and Sasori wasn't sure if he liked that. He was used to Chiyo telling him what to do and obeying without question, it took the pressure off himself. This was a real grandmother, he realized, a genuine, kind grandmother, not the controlling one he had grown up knowing.

"You have your results. Now what are you going to do with them?"

**.author's notes: oh wow, this chapter turned out to be longer than i had anticipated. the next chapter will be the last so hopefully you will look forward to that. thank you for reading, reviews are much appreciated!.**


	21. the elastic clause

**.disclaimer: don't own.**

_**.chapter twenty one: the elastic clause.**_

"_You have your results. Now what are you going to do with them?"_

The words echoed in Sasori's mind as he returned home, hands clutched around the slightly bent envelope. His brow was furrowed as he hesitated in front of his own apartment, hand on the doorknob. Chiyo's words had been ringing his head the entire way home as he battled with himself, trying to make a decision, breathing shallow, heart racing, body shaking.

All he promised Deidara was to pass the exams and he did. As for what he did with the results they never discussed. He wasn't sure if Deidara expected him to quit or not. He knew that Deidara wanted him to quit but wanting and expecting were different. He, himself, wanted to quit but expected himself to continue; really, what was he supposed to do with these?

Quitting law now felt like such a waste, this was such an accomplishment.

Continuing law felt like a slow, painful death, dread heavy in his chest at the thought.

His brow furrowed and he sighed, hesitating a moment, giving himself one more moment of peace and quiet before he opened the doorknob and entered his apartment, eyes opening and an easy expression resting on his face, readopting the mask he had worn for so long, now worn for a different reason. Deidara was at the kitchen chopping up vegetables (he had missed the brat's decent cooking).

"Oi, danna. Where'd you go, un?"

"I… had to talk to Chiyo-baasan about something." Not a complete lie but it wasn't the whole truth and it made Sasori cringe to know he was lying to him. But Deidara accepted it without question and when the blonde turned away to check the boiling water, he slipped into his room and put the envelope in one of his drawers.

"Sasori no danna, you can't just disappear on me like that, un! You're going to help me make the food!"

When he came out, Deidara was still facing away and busying himself at the stove, rambling about something. The redhead swallowed, counting backwards from ten before he walked over to join him, temporarily pushing any thoughts of law out of his mind. He wondered how Deidara had done it, remembering how he had kept the secret about med school from him for a while.

Stealing a glance over his shoulder, Deidara instructed the redhead to dice the onions, the one skill that he had picked up. Nodding dumbly, he walked over to the cutting board, the onion and knife already set on it and began the task.

Always a silent person, he didn't expect Deidara to pick up on his change in mood. But, of course, the blonde did; he always knew when Sasori was in a bad mood somehow. It was easy to tell when he spoke but he wasn't; the blonde said he just knew, just like how Sasori could just tell things about him without asking.

"Are you all right, danna?"

"Fine," he answered shortly, swallowing, "Just… tired."

"I see, un."

He let the conversation drop but he knew Deidara didn't buy his answer but also didn't want to push for an answer that Sasori wasn't willing to give. A few minutes elapsed, a suffocatingly long silence, before Deidara broke it again. He had told Sasori that he assessed his bad mood in steps; the first step, asking him how he was, was a general assessment. If he didn't have an answer that he was satisfied with, he'd risk another question.

If Sasori was still obviously in a bad mood when giving the second answer, Deidara knew to shut up or he would get killed.

"Did you get your bar results, un?"

Sasori had asked him how he knew if he was in a bad mood or not with a single word and Deidara had smirked, saying that if he was all right he would give an answer, if he wasn't he would stay silent.

Needless to say, Sasori stayed silent and Deidara didn't say anything for the rest of that day.

**-X-x-X-**

It didn't count as sneaking out if it was his own apartment.

Sasori tried to appease himself with those words as he stuffed his hands in his coat pockets, looking down so that his scarf, the one Konan had given him, covered his nose as well as mouth. It was a cold March day, annoyingly cold, he thought with disdain, but still dragged himself out to take a walk. A few days had passed since he learned about his results and he was still no closer to reaching a decision.

Chiyo had left him alone and he still saw no need to go back to school (or ever, he thought dryly, did he have enough credits to gradate yet?) and still hadn't told Deidara. Just the idea of telling him made his stomach churn and he felt nauseated. He wanted to tell him and be honest but he was scared of the reaction. He felt that if Deidara knew, he would base his decision off of the brat's reaction when it was supposed to be his own decision.

If Deidara looked pleased or relieved, he would take that as the all right to go ahead with law; he would see it as Deidara not being angry at the idea of him quitting.

But if Deidara looked irritated, he would quit immediately; after everything he had put him through, making him upset again was the last thing Sasori wanted.

And that was why he couldn't tell him; he couldn't let a scowl or smile decide his future, especially from someone else. It wasn't a matter of staying with Deidara for however long; it was a matter of his own future. He had to make this decision by himself, for himself and he didn't want anything to affect that, knowing that the biggest influence right now would probably be Deidara.

He would want Sasori to quit law; the redhead knew that already, he had known that from the start. Deep down, Deidara wanted him to be happy and Sasori was beginning to understand that abstract concept of happiness that the blonde preached and practiced. He had quit medicine—good for him, really—and still had his family, still had what he wanted. Sasori was genuinely happy for him.

And it was true, his happiness did lie within the arts. He did want to pursue his passion of puppetry, to forget this whole ordeal of law, pretend he hadn't wasted the majority of his life on it. But he couldn't; a small part of him still wanted to do it, to continue with it because he was _good_ at it and it would earn him a stable income, who wouldn't want that? He was still wary of his grandmother, even if she seemed to have changed, to be more indifferent, less strict; the idea that his grandmother would only be proud of him if he became a lawyer was ingrained in his mind and impossible to seed out.

So maybe he wanted permission from Deidara, sought an approval from him, the most important person to him, to continue law, an 'it's all right, I won't mind' from him because he still wanted to.

He knew he could do it.

He knew he could be an amazing lawyer.

And that was just the problem.

He let out an annoyed sigh and turned the corner, wondering vaguely where he was going. He wasn't very good at doing things without planning, he thought dryly, he still had to work on that.

"Watch the fuck where you're going, dumbass!"

He didn't even have to look up to know he had walked into Hidan.

_How wonderfully coincidental,_ he thought and looked up at him, brown eyes narrowed to meet the annoyed magenta ones, _thinking about the brat and here comes his best friend._

"If blondie wouldn't kill me, I'd kill you, you know. Thank your fucking god for that…"

Hidan's mouth was moving and he was talking, his speech slurred with vulgarities that made Sasori cringe. But it was like he didn't recognize that; all he did know was that he wanted to say it, to get it off his chest; someone had to know, _someone_, anyone. Even Hidan.

"I passed my bar exams."

The words were spit out suddenly without a second thought, cutting Hidan off mid-rant. The silver haired man blinked and stared at him, surprised etched on his expression. Sasori just continued to stare back at him, waiting for a reaction, for something.

Of course, this was Hidan, so he couldn't have expected much.

"Er… good for you?" he tried, scratching his head. All the annoyance from earlier seemed to have dissipated quickly, which Sasori found amusing. "Have you told Deidara yet?"

"No."

"Have you told your grandmother yet?"

"Yeah."

"Great," he nodded, looking serious for once, "Blondie's going to be thrilled when he hears that you're officially one with that law shit—"

"Wait," Sasori cut him off again, red brow furrowed, "You… you think I quit?"

It was Hidan's turn to fall quiet again, eyes widening for a moment.

"…You haven't?"

"What makes you think I would?"

"Well, I don't fucking know… how about Deidara getting hit by a goddamn car?!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything, you dickshit!"

"Dick—how do you even think of those insults?!"

"Because that's what you are, you horse's ass!"

"A _horse_? What—"

"Wait, this isn't the fucking point!" Hidan reached up and ran his hand through his hair (surprisingly not completely slicked back today), obviously annoyed that he had gotten distracted to easily, "the point is that—"

"We're in the way," Sasori stated plainly and continued to walk, motioning for Hidan to follow him, "Can you talk and walk at the same time?"

"Of course I fucking can! Don't talk big when you're a small man!" Hidan growled as he whirled around and began walking with him, completely forgetting that Kakuzu was waiting at home for the cinnamon rolls he had forced Hidan to go out and buy. "Back to the damn point, I thought you decided to quit!"

Sasori gave him a side glance, frowning. "I didn't."

"Then what was your stupid promise to Deidara?!"

"To pass the exams."

"And you did, now you're supposed to quit-!"

"I never promised him that," Sasori answered coldly with such a menacing glare that Hidan flinched, "I promised him to pass, that was it. I didn't force him to quit medicine and he isn't forcing me to quit law. I know he nearly died because of this and I regret that; I'm glad he's alive. But I'm not basing this decision off of him—"

"It's not even about him!" Hidan said exasperatedly, with an 'are you stupid?' expression crossing his face, "It's about the fact that he wants you to be happy and, because of that, the rest of us do too! Do you know how fucking painfully exhausting it is to watch you be exhausted?!"

"Exhaustion is nontransferable."

"Shut the fuck up, smartass!" Hidan growled at Sasori's dry smirk, "What I'm saying is that we thought you would quit; that's why we were all cool with you taking that stupid, stupid test! We thought that, all right, you'll pass and then you'll quit; you passing was the last thing of this whole ordeal. And now you say that you don't know, that you're thinking about going back? What the fuck man?"

They stopped at a red light, waiting for the walking signal. The wind had picked up a bit and as Sasori found himself trying to stay warm, Hidan seemed perfectly fine, wearing only a jacket that wasn't even fully closed. _Cold hearted?_ Sasori thought to himself with slight amusement and sighed, watching his breath form a cloud in the air in front of him before it vanished.

"…Do you want to do law?" Hidan asked when they began walking again, his voice quiet and calmer.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"A little bit," he admitted with a frown, "Law just… it's hard to give up something you've thrown yourself into. The brat did that but he did it before med school began. I'm not saying it was easy because that must have been excruciatingly difficult but so is this; I've been in law school, I've passed the exams; I'm nearly a fully licensed lawyer whereas he would have completed four years then gone onto residency. I…"

"…A goal," Hidan finished for him and Sasori looked at him in surprise, "It's been your goal your entire fucking life, hasn't it? And now that it's within reach you don't want to throw it away just like that? I get that."

"…Do you have goals?"

"What kind of a fucking question is that, you stupid fuck?!"

Sasori found himself chuckling at how Hidan could go from quiet and serious to loud and rambunctious within the time span of a few seconds. The silver haired man hesitated when he heard the laughter; Deidara was right (he rambled a lot when drunk) Sasori laughing was an odd thing to be seeing but it did light up his whole face.

"I mean, nothing like yours," Hidan shrugged, "I just… I don't know. I always wanted to be happy. Like Deidara, you know? And now… I am," he gave a small smile, "And now that I am… I don't want to let it go. I've got my goal. You're basically there, if you just say 'yes' to someone, you'll have it."

"With Kakuzu."

"Shut the fuck up," he growled and Sasori returned him with a smirk, "I'm just saying I know how hard it is. But… you have to reevaluate it. Is law still your goal? Or do you have another one? One that matters to you more now, one that you want more? If you tell me Deidara hasn't changed you then you're a fucking lying sack of ass; the kid changes everyone he meets."

The silver haired man fell silent again and Sasori found himself surprised at how philosophical he could actually be; he supposed there really was a side to Hidan that didn't know, a side that would make Deidara, arrogant Deidara, deem him worthy of being called his best friend.

"What I'm saying is… fuck," he reached up and scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "…You know what we want and you know what Deidara wants and, yeah, you're right, don't base your decision off of that. But… just… take a step back. Reevaluate everything. Do you still want law? Does it still matter more than your happiness? I know, I know, stability and all that shit is important but you have to consider your priorities. I'll tell you now, as long as you can say you're happy with your choice, Deidara will be too. That kid can wait a shit long time and he'll wait for-fucking-ever for you if he has to, until you grow old and wrinkly and retire. He has no problem with that."

They had reached another intersection and stopped. Hidan recognized that this was where their paths would split; he had to get to Kakuzu's and Sasori, well, he couldn't read his mind. He hesitated for a slight moment and then turned to him, an oddly tired and relaxed smile gracing his features.

"I don't know, man," he said with a shrug and Sasori watched him carefully, "Just… sit down and think really hard about this, all right? I don't know if you've got a deadline or not but… take as long as you need. This is a life choice. _Your_ life choice and no one else's opinion matters. You're smart. You'll pick the right one."

Hidan fell quiet again and sighed, turning around to leave, but Sasori spoke again, for the first time in a while.

"Don't tell Deidara."

He saw a smirk and a two finger salute from the man. "Sure thing."

Sasori never thought there would be a day where Hidan talked logic into him. But as the silver haired man walked off, he found himself walking over to a bench and sitting down, just sitting in the cold, losing himself in his thoughts.

It was cold, it was quiet, it was peaceful. The park was never an active place when it was cold and it was early on Sunday; no one was out this early (it was amazing that Hidan was up.) He stared straight ahead and kept his hands in his pockets to try and keep them warm, closing his eyes.

_Law. Grandmother. Life goal. Ever since you were a kid. You wanted justice, you wanted to argue, you wanted to right the wrongs. You wanted control, you wanted to be right; you wanted to matter, you wanted to be successful. You wanted to make her proud, to make her accept you, to show that you're not just a straight A student, that you're not just smart but you're intelligent. You wanted her acceptance._

_ No law. Yourself. Happiness. Freedom. Flexibility, liberation, relaxation. But what would you do? You don't know. But that's the beauty of it, it doesn't matter. You don't need to make a decision quickly, you don't have that pressure of law. It's all you and what you want; you'll be happy, you'll do what you love. Maybe you won't be as good as it as you were with law, maybe you'll realize that your puppetry skills have declined a bit. But you've got all the time in the world to improve them, to better them._

_ Happiness used to be irrelevant to you; happiness would wait until you retired, until after you worked hard for so long; you could only be happy after earning recognition from your grandmother._

_ But now happiness is relevant and you don't want to wait that long anymore. You had a taste of what it was and you want more._

_ But what do you choose?_

_ Just how relevant is happiness to you?_

_ Just how relevant is law to you?_

_ One or the other, you can't have both._

_ Your life._

_ Your decision._

_ Your choice._

_ Your fate._

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there but when his eyes opened, it was warmer and people were milling around now. His limbs were stiff and sore from not moving in so long and he straightened up, stretching a bit when his eyes caught sight of a sculpture in the park, a new one that was recently brought in.

And then he knew his choice.

**-X-x-X-**

"Hey blondie, your boyfriend passed his bar exams."

Deidara blinked several times rapidly, hardly recognizing that Hidan had hung up. There had to be reason that someone dared to call him so early in the morning and Deidara was less than pleased to see it was Hidan. He had slid a thumb across the screen to answer it, mumbling a 'what' and expected some kind of a tirade.

But Hidan had just said that one sentence and hung up without another word. Deidara nearly dialed him back to both yell at him and demand him to explain but knew it was hopeless, that Hidan would either ignore him or yell the minute he did pick up. Sitting up in his bed he frowned, fully awake now when it hit him what the sentence had meant.

Passed? He had passed?

His first reaction was joy; his stomach lurched and he almost smiled. He kept his promise, he worked hard; all those hours, everything wasn't for nothing. He had succeeded and the success was sweet; it was over, he had passed, _passed_, and he didn't disappoint himself or anyone around him, he had continued to live up to expectations, that one huge test was now over.

But then his mood dropped and his expression soured.

_Why didn't he tell me?_, he thought bitterly, _I had to find out from Hidan; does danna even like Hidan?_

Picking up his phone, he was about to call Sasori, to demand an answer, never mind if Sasori explicitly told Hidan to not tell and letting Sasori know that he knew would get Hidan in a lot of trouble. He wanted an answer, _why didn't you tell me, why couldn't you?_

Surely he was trying to decide right now, he thought, and why wouldn't he let him help, give his input? They had been through all this together, Sasori had watched Deidara's anguish over his choice of med school so clearly. But now that it was the reverse, the redhead wouldn't allow his help?

He stared at his phone in anger for a few moments but as he repeated the question in his head, he found his anger simmering away. He understood, he realized begrudgingly and put his phone down, laying back down in bed, he understood why Sasori didn't tell him.

He didn't want any influence, knowing that Deidara hardly had control over his emotions. He would make it clear what he wanted and Sasori didn't want to be pushed to make a decision; he wanted it to come naturally, for it to be his own. That was how they differed; Deidara knew that Sasori could mask his emotions, even if he let slip something it wouldn't be strong enough that it would persuade Deidara and the blonde always knew deep down what his choice was. Eyes closing, Chiyo's words from earlier suddenly rang in his head.

_ "Point him in the right direction. You've changed Sasori into someone he doesn't completely know how to be: himself. Help him, Deidara. Please. Do what I never could for him."_

He couldn't help but allow a small, lazy smirk to creep onto his lips. She asked him to help Sasori because he changed, a favor that Deidara had no idea how to accomplish when she asked but now was clear. Sasori had become someone independent, no longer focused solely on pleasing those around him, and he didn't know how to be independent. Chiyo couldn't guide him anymore; he resisted that and she couldn't do anything.

She was asking Deidara to help him be independent, to help him be his own person. And to do that he had to absolutely nothing; he couldn't call Sasori, let him know that he knew; he couldn't give his opinion because that would bias him, influence him. He had to make his own decision, his own choice as this new independent Sasori.

All Deidara could do was wait for him to come home (when the ringing of his phone didn't result in his door being thrown open and a pillow chucked at his head, he knew Sasori was out) and let him make his own decision.

His own choice had been difficult but he had gotten lucky with his outcome. He escaped a deathly lecture from Tsunade and he even kept Ino's relationship, all while quitting medicine, having Sasori, and being happy. He had his own happy ending, better than he had dared to hope for. But that didn't mean it was an easy decision to make; it was had. Even after Ino told him that she wouldn't mind if he quit medicine, he still had qualms about giving up what he was good at, what he knew he could excel at. It was hard to give up something like that, something that could make him financially stable, something that people would respect him for.

And yet he had been given an easy way out and even though it was hard to decide to take that choice, he still did. But for Sasori it was different; he didn't have his grandmother smiling at him kindly, saying that it would be all right. Chiyo and Ino were different, far different; while Ino was kind and flexible, Chiyo wasn't. She had a strict set of regulations that she adhered to and Sasori knew that; his quitting law definitely wasn't part of those regulations, of her plans. Maybe she would be all right, bend those plans for her grandson, but maybe she wouldn't; that was a risk Sasori would have to take.

What did Deidara want him to do?

Obviously to quit law.

He had been preaching it since they met, trying to live by his own words, to convince Sasori to join him. But he had failed time and time again and realized, by now, that he couldn't force someone to choose happiness; that person had to pursue it on their own accord.

_I just want you to be happy, yeah?_ He thought lazily as he drifted in and out of consciousness, waiting to hear the door slam shut, for Sasori to come back. _That's all._

Hours passed before the door opened and Deidara found himself tensing, hearing the sounds of Sasori hurriedly kicking his shoes off and stripping himself of his outerwear. Impatient as ever, Deidara mused as the door to his room flung open and he felt Sasori shake him, unnaturally energetic.

"Brat, oi, brat, wake up!"

He had made a choice, Deidara's heart leaped at the thought and he opened his eyes, looking at Sasori. And he was smiling; his eyes were shining, lips curled up into the widest smile he had seen on him yet and he couldn't help but smile back. "Danna…? Good mood?"

He wanted to hear his choice from Sasori himself, refusing to believe anything. The words 'I quit law' came out of Sasori's mouth in his mind over and over again and he just needed Sasori to say them so he could believe it and…

"I…"

Sasori hesitated and took a moment to bow his head, as if laughing and Deidara couldn't help but smirk; it was odd to see Sasori this easygoing, this carefree, this happy. But he liked it; it made him happy. At the same time it was slightly unnerving to see the redhead _this_ happy, but it made sense, after all. Law was part of the reason his emotions had been so repressed; he had spent so much time being the perfect student that he hardly showed his own emotions, had time to be himself and now that he quit—he had quit, right?—the emotions were coming out. But, at the same time, Deidara knew this was a one time thing.

"Yeah?"

"I… am in a _ton_ of debt now."

_"…What?"_

Sasori was always one to catch him off guard.

But this, Deidara thought, was a completely different level. After Sasori had announced his current monetary predicament, the blonde shot up in bed and simply stared at him in awe, mouth gaping, unable to formulate words. Which, he knew, was unusual for him.

But Sasori in _debt?_

The idea itself was unfathomable; responsible, mature, frugal Akasuna Sasori was in debt? What kind of a crazy purchase had he made that would drain him of all his money? Deidara remembered walking into his apartment on the first day and looked around, instantly deciding that the kid was rich, having a good amount of money if he was able to live so lavishly like this.

"You're… you're in _debt,_ un?" Deidara managed to sputter, eyes wide. Sasori was still smiling widely and that was beginning to scare him; he looked lively, energetic… _happy._

Deidara's heart froze.

"Please don't tell me you bought a pony."

"…A pony, what the—"

"You can't blame me, if you were me looking at you right now, danna, you'd be scared as hell too-!"

"I didn't buy a pony," Sasori's smile slipped and he brought a hand up in exasperation (which Deidara found unfair as he should be the one sighing like that), shaking his head as if unable to believe he had to deal with someone like Deidara. He said nothing more, simply looked like he was lost in his thoughts of sighs of annoyance.

"So what… did you… buy?" Deidara asked slowly, as afraid of the answer he would receive.

The redhead removed his hand and looked up, a crooked smirk pulling on his lips, a smirk that made Deidara's heart skip and his blood run cold.

"The art store."

**-X-x-X-**

"You sold an art store to a _lawyer_, un?!"

Kakashi looked up when he heard the door to his office slam open, eyes catching sight of the apologetic shrug Genma gave, as if to say _trust me, can't control this kid._

The silver haired man turned his attention back to the blonde in front of him, a familiar redhead appearing in view behind and gave him another shrug. Closing his novel, the male set it down on the desk, having a feeling this wouldn't be a short conversation, already heaving a heavy mental sigh.

"He had money. I had a shop."

"He's a lawyer, un!" Deidara growled again, gesturing behind him wildly, vaguely pointing in the general direction of Sasori, "He's not even in business-!"

"He's assured me that he has friends that will not let him destroy my art store," Kakashi glanced at Sasori who gave him an apologetic smirk, "What would you have preferred anyway? Selling this store and giving it another chance at surviving or simply closing it down, letting it go out of business?"

The blonde faltered at that and Kakashi couldn't help but give a small smile; though he and Deidara had never met face to face, he had seen the kid around frequently. He knew him as one of their best customers, frequenting the store on a daily basis, one of the few people that Kakashi didn't mind seeing loitering around. Running his eyes over the blonde, an eyebrow raised; he had been missing for the past few months, looking a bit weary before the disappearance. But he was glad that he was back; it was quiet around here.

"You sold it to a _lawyer_, un!" Deidara growled, repeating his only argument and the silver haired man simply gave another shrug.

"What's wrong with that?"

Sasori found himself wondering the same thing, not understanding why Deidara had such a negative reaction to this. He had thought that the blonde would like it; he was going to do what made him happy, after all, and the store wouldn't run out of business. It was a snap decision, one that Sasori had made without much thinking, going by instinct, much like how he had when he was at Deidara's bedside.

When he saw the statue he just realized that he was ready for change. He was ready to let go of his past, of his old goals, that his new goal, this new goal of happiness, was important to him than his old goal. Times changed and he changed along with them, Deidara undoubtedly playing a huge part in that. He didn't want law, didn't want recognition.

He wanted art. He wanted to breathe, live, see art; he wanted to do art, he wanted to be art. And owning the art store seemed like the most fitting thing; it seemed too coincidental that the store was closing just now as he had the opportunity to change his life. He had something to do, had something that he wanted to do just as he let go of what he was supposed to do.

This was something he never thought about doing, never prepared for. He was a law student, always in law; never once had he considered business, never had he thought about owning a store, even a small one like this. But that didn't matter; the store not only had art supplies but it also hosted events, the owners being judges. Sasori saw that as an opportunity to not only create art, to breathe the materials that he loved, but also to teach, to demonstrate.

A snap decision made rapidly without any thought, one that he may or may not regret, he had thought as he signed the check, glad that he had such excellent credit, but it didn't matter, did it? This was how it was to pursue happiness; he had to take a risk, a huge one, and hope, pray, wish for the results to be a positive outcome.

"You sold it to a _lawyer_!" Deidara repeated and Kakashi sighed, shaking his head.

"You've said that already."

It seemed that, lately, unpredictability was taking over his life. His confession; his reaction; his decision. He was beginning to lose control and didn't mind; he was letting things run its course, no longer steering his life, not bothering to think about the other options, letting fate take its course.

And unpredictability just continued to reign his life.

The blonde reached into his pocket, brow still knit and blue eyes glaring as he rummaged around and pulled out a checkbook, grabbing the pen on Kakashi's desk. Before Sasori could fathom what was happening, Deidara had signed, dated, and addressed the check, ripping it out and slamming it down on the desk.

"Half," he growled, "I'm owning half of this store. Danna's not getting all of it, un."

. The redhead had been rendered speechless by the sudden action, staring dumbly as he vaguely registered Kakashi pulling out the ownership forms and telling Deidara where to sign. He could see the events happening in front of him but heard nothing, confusion and disbelief taking over his mind. As Deidara slammed the pencil down and stormed on his heel, the feeling of the blonde's hand on his wrist, pulling him away was hardly registered. He hardly remembered being dragged to the coffee shop a few blocks away by Deidara afterwards, trying to remember if he even said anything. It was only after that the waitress brought their drinks to them that he found his voice again, snapping out of his daze.

"Where did you get the money?"

"What the hell was with your idea?"

Sasori's question was answered with another one and he scowled, glaring across the table of the coffee shop to Deidara.

"I'm practicing being impromptu," the redhead snapped back, "I'm pursuing my happiness."

"You got yourself into debt, un! I bailed you out!"

"I didn't ask you to, I would've made enough to pay it all off—"

"—danna, are you crazy, un? You—"

"—that's not the point, the point is _where did you get the money?_" Sasori interjected, his glare hardening. Deidara actually found himself flinching at the coldness and grumbled something incoherent under his breath, recognizing that he had lost and would have to answer him.

He didn't answer immediately, reaching out to take a sip of his cappuccino first, playing for time. Swallowing slowly, he averted his eyes. Money wasn't something he talked about frequently with Sasori; it was only brought up when it was time to pay rent or alternate paying for the takeout. Sometimes Sasori asked dryly where Deidara even found the money and the blonde rolled his eyes, knowing that he was asking out of sarcasm.

"Parents' inheritance," he answered lowly, continuing to avoid eye contact. He had briefly mentioned it to Sasori once, how he had the money put away, and they only discussed it that one time. The redhead had quietly asked how much and Deidara gave a wry smile with a slight shrug, answering that it was enough for him to live comfortably for quite a while; at least a few years. Sasori had raised an eyebrow, seemingly impressed, but let the subject drop. Money was always a vulgar thing to talk about, he had said once, and he could easily tell Deidara didn't particularly want to discuss his parent's.

Even now, he understood the silence to mean surprise, knowing Sasori wanted to ask more but couldn't bring himself to, knowing the blonde wouldn't want to talk about it. Yet he had a right to know, after all, Deidara thought and put his cup back down.

"I've been saving it for something big, something important, un," he gave a small shrug, finally looking up with a slight smile, almost an abashed looking one, "This counts as that, no?"

Sasori's frown deepened when he heard Deidara's words. That money was something Deidara didn't want to touch if at all possible; he wanted to save it, to never spend it. But he had signed away a large chunk of it without even hesitating, such a rash decision made so quickly. Sasori knew he made one too but it seemed different; the money he spent didn't have that sentimental value to him.

"You know that there's no guarantee, right?" he asked quietly, "That this might be a terrible idea, that you might lost everything?"

"Now you realize that?" Deidara asked dryly, giving the smallest of smirks and Sasori glared at him from across the table, "Yeah, un. I do. And I also know that the place is sentimental to me."

"Well, obviously—"

"No," he shook his head and cut Sasori off and when he looked up again, the redhead was surprised by his genuine expression.

"It was where I first met you, un."

**a week later**

"You bought an art store?"

"That's what I said too, un."

"I was also speaking to you."

Deidara scowled at Itachi's calm response, giving a glare to the Uchiha across the table, seated next to Kisame as he was next to Sasori. A week had passed since the purchase and the two had been riding on some euphoric high for the last seven days, refusing to think about more practical matters. A state of shock seemed to pervade their minds, the phrases "I can't believe you did that" and "were you crazy?" beginning to lose meaning, simply uttered for nearly no reason at all.

But a week of Chinese and nothingness passed, a week of isolation, of blank stares, of disbelief, of 'we bought an art store. _We_ bought an _art store_. We, the ex med and ex law students _bought_ an art store. These are the excellent decision making skills that college taught us.'

Sasori was the one to snap out of it first, suddenly turning off the television and picking up his cell phone. Deidara had watched languidly from his reclining position on the couch, interested but not enough so to ask what he was doing, simply picking up the remote and turning on the television again. The redhead had glared at him to try to make Deidara silence the television, but the moment Sasori greeted Itachi with 'Uchiha,' Deidara lunged at him and tried to wrestle the phone out of his hands.

Evidently, Sasori had won the struggle as the two were now sitting at a café across from Itachi and Kisame.

"Be civil," Sasori muttered and Deidara instantly tore his eyes away from Itachi to glare at Sasori.

"I tried, un. He's being an ass."

"He wasn't."

"He _was_!"

"And you two are going to run a business, huh?" Kisame asked skeptically, smirking with an eyebrow raised as they began arguing. The Uchiha simply sighed and picked up his espresso, taking a sip, eyes closed as if he was already exasperated. When Sasori had called him for business help, he wasn't surprised. But when Sasori added that it was his own business, Itachi nearly drew a stray line on his homework, which he had been doing up until that point.

_"You bought an art store?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"…Excuse me, but I must ask for your reasoning."_

_"…Will you just help me?"_

And so, out of the kindness of his heart, Itachi found himself giving up a Saturday to meet with the two, dragging Kisame along with him. News of Sasori quitting law school had travelled quickly, yet it was found odd that the redhead refused to see anyone, something that Konan, expectedly, did not like. On more than one occasion had she tried to storm over to his apartment, but she was always held back by someone, being reprimanded, being reminded that Sasori would be much angrier than she already was.

His eyes flit open to watch them conversing a bit heatedly, the blonde and redhead's tempers matching the colors of their bright hair as Kisame simply remained mostly quiet, smirking at them. Putting down his mug with a slight 'cling' against the small plate, Itachi attracted their attention wordlessly, clearing his throat before he looked to Sasori.

"I will help you," he said quietly, "But you must do one thing for me first."

"I'll make the brat do it."

"What, un?!"

The lips of the Uchiha curled up miniscully into the faintest of smirks as he heard the door to the café open, a bell indicating the arrival as well as their voices. Sasori looked up and his eyes widened for just a moment before a scowl pulled at his expression, a glare directed at Itachi, who simply gave a small shrug.

"She forced me to."

"Akasuna Sasori!" Konan was the first to reach them and slam her hands down on the table, "We're going to sit down and have _a nice talk_!"

"Doesn't sound like it'll be very nice."

"Don't be sassy with me, Sasori!"

The redhead found himself wincing as Konan took a seat next to him, sitting uncomfortably close, her knee brushing against his. Instinctively, he moved a bit away, just an inch or so in order to keep his space. Konan raised an eyebrow but said nothing, knowing it was one of his pet peeves, but Deidara couldn't help but smirk as the others began pulling up chairs.

"Ah, danna, you want to be closer to me, un?"

"Shut up."

"No, _both_ of you shut up!"

Konan's words garnered the attention of everyone at the table, eyebrows raised at the unusually angry tone of the peaceful girl. Her arms were crossed and eyes narrowed in a glare at Sasori, taking a moment to glare at Deidara but returned to focus on Sasori. The redhead simply frowned in return.

"Something wrong?"

_"Yes_, something is wrong!" she snapped, growling the words out, "You didn't tell anyone any of this!"

"You know now, don't you?"

"That's not the point!"

"That is the point."

"No it's _not_!" she cried exasperatedly, irritation only slightly alleviated to see Sasori flinch, recognition that Konan truly was upset finally registering in his mind, "We've been so worried about the two of you, you know! And then when Deidara quit med school we were happy when he told us because we knew that he'd be happy! But you? You quit law, you're one of my oldest and closest friends, Sasori, and you didn't tell any of us? You kept it a secret and suddenly spring it on us out nowhere, out of the complete blue? We were _worried_! We didn't know what you were doing, what was going through your mind, what you were going to do with those bar exam results! And then, suddenly, not only did you quit law but you also bought a business?!"

"Konan, you're overreacting—"

"You know, she really isn't."

The sudden interjection of the quiet Zetsu caught everyone off guard, especially his ex-roommate. As long as he had known him, Zetsu had hardly challenged him; they were similar (in a way) and usually agreed, the other male usually not bothering to argue with the stubborn Akasuna.

"We were worried about you," he shrugged, feeling everyone staring at him, "Ever since I moved out, you've been changing, man. Not that the change is bad, it's just… you don't change. You're the most stubborn asshole I've known, the most orderly, the most rule following. And then suddenly you change, start becoming more impromptu? It's fine, really, I even like it. But… don't keep us all wondering what you're going to do, all right? It's not what we're used to. Just because you're changing doesn't mean we are too. **Douche.**"

"You have been acting differently," Itachi added in a quiet voice, "It is quite unpredictable."

As he listened to the words, Sasori frowned, not in irritation but rather understanding, all the words suddenly making sense to him. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms across his chest, eyes closing.

It was quiet as they awaited his response, not even Deidara broke the silence; even Hidan (who Konan had cold shouldered because she was jealous he was the first to know), who would usually try to lighten the situation or make it worse, was quiet. Sasori's change in demeanor made this wait even more anxious; not only were they scared of his possible anger but they didn't even know if they could expect answer. Sasori's predictability, his stability had been one of his safest traits, but now it was stripped away, in a good way, but right now it didn't feel good.

The silence seemed deafening and even the waitress seemed wary of setting down their drinks in front of them, having ordered earlier. When she scurried away, throwing an anxious glance over her shoulder, Sasori sighed again and looked up, eyes opening, something resembling a half, apologetic smile on his face.

"I'm sorry."

He had never apologized before, not in such a sincere, genuine manner and it caught everyone off guard. The smile resembled a smirk but he was being true, looking fatigued as another sigh was expelled from his lips.

"For not telling you," he shrugged, "You're right, I suppose. I should try to foretell you guys, not keep you on the edge, especially when that's not what's expected from me. But, please don't blame me. Blame the brat."

"…You started off not sounding like an ass for once, un…" Deidara murmured as a few laughs went around the table, the atmosphere seeming to relax slightly.

Sasori chuckled lightly and brought a hand up to run through his messy red bangs, the same apologetic seeming smile on his face. "I'll admit, I've changed a bit—"

"A fuckin' bit? I haven't even known you that long and I know you-!"

"Quiet, Hidan. Allow Sasori to speak."

"Fuck you, Kakuzu!"

"—ever since meeting the brat," Sasori continued, as if Hidan never interjected, "and thank you for worrying."

Silence overtook the table again, a mental 'tick tock' almost becoming real as they stared quietly.

"…That's it? That's all you're going to say?"

"Kisame, I'm sure it was hard for Sasori to admit his own faults."

"You make it sound like I'm as arrogant as you—"

"I'm not sure what arrogance you're referring to, quite honestly."

"Danna, you're nothing like Uchiha, if you were I would've blown you up in your sleep by now—"

"Explosives may prove to be illegal, Deidara—"

"Shut up, Uchiha, this isn't about you-!"

"Actually, it seems like it is—"

"Deidara, be careful, you know, don't say that kind of stuff in front of Sasori. **He's not exactly sane himself.**"

"I'm right here, Zetsu."

"That's the point! **The crazy don't realize how fucked up they are."**

"Senpai, are you not going to eat your chocolate-?!"

"That's the first thing you say all day to me, un?! You ask me for my food?! You parasite-!"

"Deidara, don't kill Tobi. Not here. It'll be difficult to hide the body."

"Whaaat?! Pein-san, what did Tobi ever do to _you_?!"

"What _haven't_ you done to me, Tobi?"

Konan couldn't help but stare as everyone began talking, bickering with each other, voices raising, each wanting to get his input in but no one wanting to listen. It was getting chaotic and she could sense dirty looks from the other diners but found herself smiling, laughing even as she looked at Sasori, noticing how he still looked the same when irritated: brow furrowed, eyes narrowed, lips curled down into a slight frown.

But the frown was lessened and there was an amused glint in his eye; he would talk a bit more, with a hint of emotion, no longer remaining the stoic puppet he used to be. She could see the change and it made her happy because he was happy; he was more relaxed, less controlled; more liberated, less caged; more himself, less a mold.

Her attention was caught by Hidan standing up, hands gripping the table in a way that worried her and she found herself springing up, telling them to calm down, they were in _public_, after all, so _calm down_! As she reprimanded them, chastising each and every one of them, frowning and flicking their foreheads, controlling all nine men with just a glare and a few words.

But every time she looked at Sasori, her gaze would linger and the redhead would recognize what the look meant and scoff, looking away in an abashed manner.

_"Stop it,"_ he would mutter.

She'd give him the shortest of smiles, of grins.

_"I can't. You're finally happy."_

**few weeks later**

"Tomorrow's the big day, un."

"Yeah."

Sasori said simply the word before he elapsed into a silence, laying on the small bed next to Deidara. They didn't share a bed together—why would they?—but Deidara had barged into his room and laid down next to him, claiming he couldn't sleep. Sasori couldn't use the excuse that he had been sleeping because he wasn't; he had been wide awake, simply staring upwards blankly just as Deidara had been.

The last few weeks seemed to fly by and Sasori didn't even have time to think, never being able to engross himself in his thoughts. He supposed he had become accustomed to relaxation, to being able to simply do nothing except think, think about himself, about Deidara, about everything.

Think about how he had been a lawyer, how had been planning to be one, how he almost _did_ become one, how he suddenly changed his career path without warning. Chiyo was completely fine with it, it seemed; when he had told her just a few days after the meeting at the café with Konan and everyone, she had stayed silent for a few moments.

_"I'm going to quit law."_

_ She said nothing._

_ "I'm… going run an art store. With the br—Deidara."_

_ He fell silent as he waited for Chiyo's reaction, feeling his heart pound and his hands clench. After putting it off for so long, he finally dragged himself to his grandmother's apartment, having called her beforehand. She had called out to him, telling him to simply let himself in when he knocked, and was organizing papers when he walked in. As he sat down in the chair in front of her desk, he almost looked at the papers with a longing; in a strange way he almost missed law. He missed the security, the rigidity, the predictability, the logic that it offered._

_ But it was too late now, he reminded himself; these thoughts flitted through his mind so often and he had to erase them, push them out. He couldn't regret his decision, not now, it was done with. The redhead found himself freezing every so often and think about his life now, what he had given up, what he had chosen. He still wasn't familiar with this impromptu, sudden decision making thing he was now practicing, unaccustomed to a lack of security, of defined boundaries. He found himself worrying, not regretting, but worrying, wondering if he had done the right thing—had he?—and wanting almost to resume the safe path._

_ Yet, he would always reprimand himself, that was the point: to stray from that safe, predetermined path. He chose to quit law, to be more daring and he couldn't stop, not now, not everything had happened, everything that had led up to this._

_ Telling Chiyo was the last thing he had to do to completely let go of his past, he had thought. Chiyo was that one symbol, the one collection of everything he had been working for and once she knew, then he could move forward and no longer think about that, worry. She didn't have to agree, she just had to know, he told himself, and he had to be the one to tell her. _

_ So he told her straight out in simple terms, not bothering to beat around the bush because no matter how much he had changed, that part of him was still constant. As he waited for her answer, he found himself growing anxious and clenching his hands in his lap, heart pounding. But his expression still betrayed no emotion, his self control still rigid._

_ What would she say?, he wondered, how would she react? Would she be disappointed? Angry? Amused? Shocked?_

_ He had tried to prepare himself for everything but couldn't, knew it was impossible, that, just like he was learning, some things couldn't be predicted and he simply had to go along with it. A part of him still wanted to please her and that he had expected; he knew it would be unpractical to expect himself to simply let go of everything, to accept that it would take time and he would have to wait, no matter how much he didn't want to._

_ "Sasori."_

_ He nearly flinched when she said his name and it took him a few moments to look up, forcing himself because he didn't want to keep her waiting. The redhead didn't know what he was expecting, didn't know how to look, but even if he had he would have been shocked._

_ She was smiling._

_ The woman that always had a stern expression in his mind was smiling at him, looking so kind, so… grandmotherly that Sasori found himself at a loss with wide eyes, speechless._

_ No words were said but he didn't mind; she was gazing at him softly, with such kindness that he had never seen nor expected from her. There wasn't an ounce of anger or disappointment in her expression and he almost wished there was because he had been expecting for that, hoping for something predictable, something to prove that he still had a bit of control._

_ It felt like forever until she spoke, smile still lingering on her lips. He had said nothing, remaining quiet and stared at her._

_ "You've changed," she had said, "You're still changing. I've watched you from the moment Iwa Deidara moved in, you began to change. The Sasori that I had known all my life was no longer and, I have to say, I enjoyed it. I may not have said much, I may have continued to push you, I may have seemed to try to keep you on track with the path of law. And I'll also admit I tried to resist it at first, that I didn't like it. But I let you go soon; I continued giving you practice tests, continued talking about law to you. But that was to hope that you would realize you didn't want to do it; I wanted you to reach that decision by yourself."_

_ The woman had hesitated for a moment, taking a moment to sigh, as if to recollect her thoughts before continuing._

_ "It was odd to not see you in lectures," she said softly, "I would find myself glancing at the seat you'd occupy and remember that you were studying, wondering if that was what you wanted to do. I thoroughly enjoyed you in my class, Sasori, which comes as a surprise because, quite honestly, I didn't like that you were never challenged. But… regardless of what I liked, of how proud I had been—"_

_ The 'had been' stabbed at him but he kept a straight face._

_ "—you are my grandson, my family, the son of my son, and your happiness comes above all else. I had been proud of you for doing law, for doing so well, for exceeding expectations. Law had been something I had always envisioned for you because I knew you would succeed and you did more than I had thought, than I had hoped. You astounded me, Sasori, and I am not one that is easily astounded."_

_ She fell quiet again and leaned forward, folding her hands and leaning against her elbows on the desk. Sasori's eyes averted, brow furrowing. She hadn't said it outright but from what she was saying, it seemed evident that she was disappointed, simply remaining polite, not wanting to be blunt. His hands clenched and he wanted to leave, to get away from there, to not remind her of how he disappointed her, how—_

_ "—but what astounds me more is that you've grown into such a fine young man," her voice cut through his thoughts and he looked up, surprised, "I have taught you discipline and hard work, honesty and ethics. Yet you've learned how to be yourself, how to handle different situations, how to adapt; you've learned what I can't teach and you learned it so seamlessly, so flawlessly, incorporated it so naturally into your life. You've learned how to be happy, Sasori, and that's more important than anything. You're happy now, aren't you?" she asked, her voice growing quieter, "I can see it. I can sense it. The bags have disappeared, you're not as irritable, you're not as pale and sickly. You're happy."_

_ Chiyo broke off and looked away for just a moment and when she looked back, her smile had grown wider and Sasori's eyes widened at her next words._

_ "You're happy. You've learned how to be yourself, you've discovered what you were meant to do, you've found what makes you happy. Sasori, I couldn't be prouder of you."_

Ever since that day, Sasori felt more relieved.

It wasn't just that Chiyo knew, it was that she approved of it. That knowledge alone made him feel better, made him more relaxed; Deidara noticed and claimed it freaked him out sufficiently but his slight smile gave away his own feelings of contentment.

Preparations for the grand reopening of the store were going underway smoothly, the two finding a balance between relaxing and working, something that Deidara had to _teach_ Sasori, who insisted on working all the time. The help of their friends were enlisted, the talents of everyone somehow having a use in this.

Kisame and Itachi, the business majors, took care of most of the paperwork. Kakuzu was handling finances, Zetsu handled the landscaping ("what landscaping?" Deidara had asked by Zetsu just gave him a dirty look.) Konan and Tobi were discussing what kind of a celebration they would have, how they would attract customers, Hidan was told to not mess anything up, and Pein aided in the organization of everything. And, surprisingly, they were having fun; they _enjoyed_ this work, no one complained of it taking up their time, they had a good time.

The weeks had flown by and before they knew it, it was the night before the opening. Though their friends reassured them it would go fine, excellently, even, Sasori and Deidara couldn't believe them so easily, anxiety still clawing at them. Despite the carefree smiles, they knew that everyone was getting nervous, millions of hypothetical scenarios flurrying in their minds—what if, what if, what if?

"Nervous?"

"Of course not, un," Deidara answered dryly.

The blonde had watched a transformation in Sasori over the last few weeks; it seemed that after his meeting with his grandmother, he was becoming a completely different person. He was still Sasori, still impatient and easily irritated, but at the same time he was kinder and more relaxed. His smiles were still rare and smirks much more frequent, but his aura felt different. He wasn't as anxious, as strung up, as worried.

Deidara felt like he could finally _breathe_ now. It was like everything had gone from a storm to a whirlwind, events flying by so quickly that he could hardly keep up. From Sasori passing to his quitting to his stupid, _stupid_ but genius decision of buying the store, the blonde began to wonder if they had switched mindsets.

Everything was working out and he couldn't quite believe it.

He was free of med school and Ino still spoke to him.

He would be running an art store, finally being able to engross himself in that world, both in terms of managing the store and having time for his art, finally, _finally_ being able to make a collection, to display it, to have his own art show.

He had fallen mutually in love with someone and that person was happy, that person was in love with him, didn't judge him, didn't shun him. Sasori had never judged and never given up on him; he forgave him when he didn't deserve it, continued to speak to him, continued to forgive.

It had seemed like such an improbable dream.

In high school, he expected to go to med school.

In undergrad, he expected to become a doctor.

And then he dropped out before classes even began, a sudden epiphany striking him, a whole new philosophy about genuine happiness overtaking him and he acted on impulse. He had been at his happiest then, poor, starving, dirty, smelly, but he had been happy, spending every last yen he had on art supplies, every waking hour on his art.

He had fallen more and more in love with his art, passionately so; every day was another confirmation that his choice had been correct, that screw expectations, the norm of society, the convention. Happiness was important, freedom was important; money was corrupting, expectations were pointless, he didn't need that; all he needed was art, his mind, inspiration, and time.

But then a turn of events landed him in Sasori's, and another turn of events landed him in med school again, back to the prison he had tried to escape from. He had been miserable but thought he could do it, told him that his happiness, though important, was second to family, that Ino was important, his _family_ was the most important above all else.

And then he fell in love.

He fell into a deep, tantalizing love that left him speechless, breathless, unable to do anything but to think about him, about Sasori, no matter how he tried to resist, to remain independent. Sasori's happiness became more important than his own, the desire to remain with him, even platonically, almost overriding his desire to always have his family, his sister, in his life. He had tried to break away, to physically leave him, to hope that this would pass, that he would get his head straight again, his mind cleared, that it was over, he was rejected, he had _failed_.

But events kept turning, fate kept messing with him and he found himself unable to stop thinking about Sasori; he found himself getting hit by a car because of the damn redhead. But the accident proved to be good; it was what led to Sasori's confession, to liberation from med school, to peace.

He had attained his happiness.

He was free again, liberated from expectations of society and peers, again able to enjoy his art. It was just like earlier when he had temporarily become a hobo, except this time he had more than just art: he had a roof over his head, he had someone he was in love with, he had a consistent supply of food.

But at the same time, there was something missing.

Sasori's happiness.

He couldn't fully enjoy himself while watching Sasori struggle, watching the redhead agonize over his choice, wondering if he should choose law or art. Deidara could no longer tell him to pursue his happiness, even if Chiyo told him to help him be himself. The blonde knew Sasori had to make the choice himself, otherwise he would spend the rest of his life doubting his decision, wondering if he had done it merely for someone else.

Just a few months ago, Deidara would have never imagined this, unable to help but wonder 'what if' questions. What if he hadn't seen the flyer, what if Karin hadn't evicted him? What if he had given up when Sasori shut the door in his face, what if he had seriously moved out? What if he had stronger will power, what if he continued medicine?

He never expected to fall in love, it was the least of his problems, and he never expected that to catalyst all of this, to lead him to his happiness, to lead Sasori to his.

He never thought he would be the reason someone would change his life, he never thought he would be a force. The blonde had been told he had an influence, a presence, but never took it seriously, never until now.

When he closed his eyes he found himself asking if this was true, really, was this how his life was now? Had everything _really_ worked out so perfectly? Even the imperfections seemed perfect; he didn't know if their business would prosper, Sasori was still a prick, he was still hotheaded, they still argued, they still couldn't agree on dinner. They had the same problems they did when they first met but they seemed more trivial now, mere nuances instead of genuine concerns, problems.

Thinking about that always led him back to his 'what if' questions, mind spinning. What if, what if, what if?

What if he continued medicine? What if he didn't just drop out but moved away?

What if he had never met Sasori?

That question was the one that seemed to consistently plague him, make him cringe, take his breath away. He couldn't imagine it; never mind falling in love with him, what if he hadn't met him at all? What if he hadn't met the most stubborn man in existence?

"What would you have done if we had never met, un?" Deidara asked softly, turning so that he was facing Sasori. He took the opportunity to ask, never having the time to ask before. But they were laying next to each other, bathing in the silence and Deidara almost felt bad about disrupting it, but he spoke in a soft voice. The redhead didn't answer for a moment, just stared up at the ceiling, and Deidara wondered if he had even heard him.

"Ah… law school," he answered, closing his eyes, expelling a sigh, "Bar exams… everything I did. I just… I would've taken my scores and gone and applied to law firms and continued. I'd probably still be as I was before I met you and probably give up art altogether."

"Huh…" Deidara commented and Sasori heard and felt him shift so he was looking up to the ceiling as well. He said nothing for a few moments, a pleasant silence pervading the air until he broke it with quiet words. The blonde could feel his heart racing, the next 'what if' question he always thought about floating in his mind. He raised his head so he could fold his hands behind his head and sighed. "…I'm almost sorry for interrupting your well planned out life, un."

"Don't be."

Sasori felt Deidara's eyes on him again and his own honey brown eyes closed, a sigh of contentment breaking past his lips before he turned to him, eyes opening, a small smirk pulling on his lips.

"You were my exception to my life," he said, uttering words that he had thought about but never formed, the words just tumbling out of his mouth, somehow flowing off his tongue elegantly, smoothly, "You were the only reason I would have the guts to quit and to pursue happiness, steer off the road of a life of being focused and being straightforward all the time. So don't be sorry that you interrupted it because you saved me."

He hesitated for a moment and just stared at Deidara, still wondering if this was a dream.

A year, no, just half a year ago, he'd never just be laying here, relaxing. He would be working, studying, planning out his future, thinking about his grades, about how to improve, how to continue to stay on top. His room would be full of law books and papers, materials for puppetry shoved in a corner or thrown out all together.

He wouldn't feel this lighthearted, this liberated. He would have that constant droning stress that he didn't even realize as stress anymore because it became so normal that he became accustomed to it, treating it as a normal mood. He wouldn't have time to smile or even think of something he liked.

If he hadn't met Deidara, at this moment he would be looking at law firms and applying, deciding which he would go to, which would help his future career the most. Talk to Chiyo, talk to professors, maybe have a celebratory lunch with a few friends but after that, right back to work. He wouldn't have declined to do anything with his scores, he wouldn't have bought the art store, something so risky in a completely different field from what he was studying.

What if Deidara hadn't met him?, he suddenly wondered; he had always hated 'what if' questions because, as a lawyer, he didn't speculate; he took the straight, hard, cold facts and used those. But he couldn't help the questions from filling his mind.

Well, for one, who knows if he would've been forced back into med school? Had it not been Sasori, Deidara probably could have kept up that lie for a bit longer but it would have to come out eventually. But he wouldn't be as stressed, wouldn't have been hurt as much if it wasn't for Sasori. Would he still be a hobo? Probably not, the redhead thought, Kakuzu or someone would have helped him, lent him a bit of money or given him a tent.

He couldn't help but smirk slightly at the thought; that flyer, that stupid flyer that he had been so annoyed changed everything. He hated to say that it changed his life, use such a cliché phrase, but it was accurate; that flyer, that one piece of paper, the one change that Deidara had seen it, changed his life.

It was crazy to think that this had all happened because Kisame and Itachi sent out a flyer that Deidara saw by chance. And then he called because the timing was perfect and he forced his way into Sasori's apartment, his life, into his heart. He came as a whirlwind and left the destruction of his past, of his strict rules, his lifestyle, paving way for a new future, for a new start. And at the same time, the whirlwind had changed; he had been tamed, been calmed a bit. He was no longer the naïve blonde that thought he could continue to live as a hobo; he was the naïve blonde that knew his original dream had been a bit unpractical, that he had get a job, couldn't continue to scrounge around. He still had that innocence, that determination, just with a bit of logic that Sasori. Likewise, Deidara invigorated him, reminded him of his youth, giving him a bit of himself as well.

But, Sasori supposed, it worked like that; he didn't ask for an exception to come along and to alter his life altogether, to change his viewpoint, to completely change him as a person. He didn't plan for a natural disaster to happen upon him, didn't expect one, didn't think of one. They came and went and luckily for him, his stayed.

He had never considered happiness—not in a serious sense. He knew the definition and could understand the appeal for it, yet never had a desire for it. He had been living a life of moderates, not being terribly depressed, terribly anguished about his predicament but certainly not ecstatic, overjoyed. He was fine, just fine, with it, could deal with it.

But Deidara wasn't. He was extremely dissatisfied, he was the one that took a leap. And that found its way to Sasori, that moderate feeling towards his predicament soon disappeared and he tasted happiness, freedom and grew addicted to it, craving more, wanting to be relaxed, to do what he loved, not what he was supposed to do. He couldn't imagine going back to his life of routine, of expectations, no matter how hard he tried. Thinking back, it was difficult for him to believe he had lasted that long—how many years had he wasted?

He chose not to think about that, instead focusing that now he knew what happiness was like, now could attain it. Deidara was the one to reveal that to him, the one to light that desire in him to seek out his happiness. Now he could _breathe_, he wasn't worried about being able to answer questions, being able to have the answers, being the one to impress. Studying was no longer a priority, impressing was no longer his main goal; he was now living for himself, not for someone else, not to fulfill someone else's wishes.

He was happy.

Chiyo was proud of him, she had said the words, words he never thought he would hear.

He fell in love.

He quit law.

He went out in the rain.

He hit someone.

He hit that same person again.

And probably again (Deidara did do quite a lot of annoying things.)

He was so angry he saw red.

He was so happy he found himself smiling.

He was no longer a robot, a puppet like the gift that was still perched proudly on his desk, now devoid of all his study materials and possessing only materials for his art. He had gone through his apartment and thrown out everything (Deidara wanted to burn it but Sasori was wary of the glint in the blue eyes.)

The redhead closed his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to completely relax, to calm down for the first time in a long time, to push away the thoughts of tomorrow's grand opening, to pretend that it was just him and Deidara right now, laying in bed together in the dark, the light of the moon being the only source and it cast a soft light on the two of them, creating gentle shadows.

Opening his eyes, he smiled at him, that rare, true smile that was only coaxed out by Deidara, the one that Deidara had first pulled out at the sleepover, that stupid sleepover for his birthday that Sasori had found so childish and naïve, and now was still only reserved for the blonde.

"You were my elastic clause."

**.author's notes: oh my god I finished it. the longest project (word count wise) I've ever undertaken is now complete; I can't believe I originally planned for this to be eleven chapters. thank you all for reading, for being so patient with my updates, for being understand with sadistic cliffhangers, for being so encouraging and so motivating. I hope to start another SasoDei story soon, depending on when inspiration strikes me again. thank you again for reading this all the way through and any last words would be much appreciated!**


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